Jokes Part III

AUG 16

Posted by Magz
Laugh out your stress. Read the best Filipino lawyer‟s jokes from Atty. Lauro (Larry) Gacayan.

Thank you, Atty. Gacayan, for sharing your jokes.

PHILOSOPHIES OF THE MODERN TIMES

1. The wise never marry. When they do, they become otherwise;
2. Your future depends on your dreams. So do not work just go to sleep.
3. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
4. Children in backseats cause accidents; but accidents in the backseat cause children;
5. Conserve water. So drink beer; and

5. Save water. Shower with a partner!

SAYINGS TO LIVE BY…

1. Birds of the same feather are definitely the same birds;
2. Do not do unto others what you can‟t do;
3. An apple a day is not an apple at night;
4. When the cat is away, the mouse is alone;
5. If others can do it, don‟t help;

5. Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you mine;
6. Early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy in the afternoon!

FOOLING AROUND
Abe and his wife, even though he is not that handsome, are blessed with two (2) stunningly beautiful
daughters. But he is dying to have a son.

After 10 years of waiting, a boy was born but Abe was horrified to see a very ugly child.

He went to the hospital bed of his wife and confronted her:

Abe: Look at the two very beautiful daughters that I fathered. This newly-born baby could not have been my
son. Have you been fooling around on me?

Susan: Promise dear, not this time!

DIVISION OF PROPERTIES FOR “SEPARATING” SPOUSES

Atty. Abe and his wife Jenny, with no children, both sexually active in their younger years, are now in their early
40‟s but already sexually cold with each other.

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Abe: Hindi na rin lang natin mahal ng isat‟ isa maghiwalay na lang tayo!

Jenny: Mabuti pa!

Abe: Sa akin ang mansion natin sa Baguio City!

Jenny: Ok lang basta sa akin ang condo natin sa Bellagio!

Abe: Ok lang basta sa akin ang palayan natin sa Nueva Ecija!

Jenny: Ok lang basta sa akin yung lansones farm natin sa San Pedro, Laguna!

Abe: Sa akin yung kotse nating BMW 2013 model at sa iyo na yung palyadung Mitsubishi Lancer 2000 Model na
kotse natin kasi ako rin lang naman ang nagtatrabaho!

Jenny: Ok lang basta sa akin si Bomber, ang machung driver natin!

Abe: Magpatayan na lang tayo! Over my dead body!….hehehe

5 SECRETS TO A COMPLETE HAPPINESS OF A MAN

1. It is important to find a woman who is good at household chores, cooks well, prepare for your office
needs, and could take care of the kids in your absence;
2. It is important to find a woman who could escort you and you could display to your friends during social
functions;
3. It is important that the woman shares shares the same life goals and common visions as you;
4. It is also very important to find a woman who is excellent in bed and loves to have endless sex with you;
and
5. It is very important that these four (4) women never meet since it is difficult to find the above qualities in
only one woman… — Agree?

LATEST EXPECTED HIT SINGLE OF FREDDIE AGUILAR…

Nung late 70‟s, ang single ni Freddie Aguilar na pinamagatang “ANAK” ay naging Gold Record hindi lang sa
Pilipinas at sa buong Asya.

Ilalabas na ang bagong expected hit ni Freddie which will sell like hotcakes. Ang title ay….

“APO”….

HEHEHE

ANOTHER VIOLATION OF THE CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO EQUAL PROTECTION OF THE LAW?

Nahuli ni Badong ang kanyang tatay at si Joya na katulong nila na nagdo-dog style sa kanilang likod bahay.
Kinabahan si tatay na baka magsumbong ang anak sa kanyang asawa.

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Abe: Anak, ito ang P500.00, hwag mung sasabihin sa nanay mo ang nakita mo ha? Please?

Badong: Eh, „tay, unfair naman pag P500.00 lang.

Abe: Bakit anak?

Badong: Kasi nung nakita ko si nanay at si Ninong Ceasar na nagsi-69 sa kwarto ninyo nung nagbabar lecture
ka sa Cebu, P1,000.00 and binigay niya sa akin!

KOREK NA DESKRIPSYUN NG MGA MAMBABATAS NGAYUN…

Hindi dapat tawaging KAGALANG GALANG ang mga MAMBABATAS na SANGKOT sa PORK BARREL
SCANDAL…

Ang dapat itawag sa kanila ay…

KAGULANG GULANG NA MAMBUBUTAS…

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN COMPLETE AND FINISHED…

No English Dictionary has been able to explain the real differences between the words “COMPLETE” and
“FINISHED”. Some people insist that there is no difference. But the truth is, there are.

1. When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE but when you marry the wrong woman, you are
FINISHED!
2. When your wife catches you with another woman, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED. But when your wife
likes shopping at SM CITY BAGUIO so much, you are FINISHED COMPLETELY!

DENIAL OF THE EQUAL PROTECTION OF THE LAW…

A lady student in Constitutional Law II (Bill of Rights) asked during class discussions on the right to equal
protection under the Constitution:

Lady Mae: If I sleep with three (3) different men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with ten (10)
different women, everyone calls him a real man. How come?

Larry: Confucious answered than centuries ago. It‟s very simple. When one lock could be opened by three (3)
different keys, it is definitely a bad lock. But when one (1) key can open ten (10) different locks, its a Master
Key!!!

THE BEAUTY OF HAVING A WIFE?

Christopher Columbus might not have never discovered America if he was married because the following
would have taken place before his long journey.

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WIFE:
Where are you going?
With whom?
How?
What for?
Why you?
What should I do when you are gone?
Can I come along?
When will you be back?
Where will you stay?
Will you be missing me?

And his answer will be:

Columbus: Ok fine… I won‟t go! Happy???…….hehehe

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