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Chase Tillman

Professor: Jon Beadle

Course: English 114A

September 30, 2021

The Crown: Overcoming my stuttering

Throughout most of my time in school I could not get my words out right without

stuttering and stumbling over my thoughts. Being made fun of at school was a daily experience,

“duck, here comes the spitter.” The friends I played basketball with started talking over me and

would try to finish my sentences because it took me too long. I learned to be silent in my trapped

head that wore an invisible crown. Through physical therapy, speech therapy, music, and a whole

lot of mindful silence, I slowly realized how stuttering made me a lover of languages.

Growing up as an only child in an upper middle-class family had its rewards. My

parents gave me all the love and attention that any child would love to have. They called me the

little prince who wore a big invisible crown on my head. I was an only child and the only

grandchild too in the family, so they owww’d and awww’d over me. I was a happy child who

had the best childhood ever. I would have 3 Christmases every year with loads of gifts, just for

me. My grandparents would say that I was a child of very few words, or that it seemed like I had

a “lazy tongue,” because it took me so long to form my words, but my parents would

immediately jump to my defense and say, “just give him a little more time, he’ll be talking more

before you know it.”

I always loved making friends wherever I would go, I would nudge my mom and

point, she knew what that meant and before I knew it, I had made a new friend. When school
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started, I was so excited, I could not wait to meet my classmates. My parents had always instilled

in me to be polite, respect others and make everyone feel appreciated and that is what I did. My

parents always built up my confidence and made me feel like I was the king of the world who

had something to offer every room I walked in, that guy from the movie Titanic did not have

anything on me. I had a big ball of energy, I did not need to use many words, I would spread joy

and smiles wherever I went, and my mom made sure of it. Every school I went to, she would

always make the transition easy for me by making friends with the kids in line and introducing

me as the coolest kid ever. It was not until that awful day I had a play date with my cool friends

that I overheard them talking about me. “Chase spits a lot, I don’t want him next to me,” one kid

said. The other kid agreed and said, “yeah, why does it take him so long to say something,” then

they all started mimicking me and laughing. I immediately asked the guy's mom to call my mom

and tell her I was ready to leave. I can relate to Johnson’s essay in the book Waves when she said

that her host mom was talking about her with a friend and she thought Johnson could not

understand her, but she did understand, and it hurt her feelings.

I was a good basketball player, I usually was one of the first 5 starting players, but no

matter how many points I scored it did not stop some of my teammates from making facial

expressions behind my back when I got stuck on a word. As time went on, I tried hard to keep up

my confidence and be that prince with the invisible crown, but it was getting hard. I tried to rap

along with my friends, and they all started laughing saying, “say it, don’t spray it, Tillman.” The

confidence my parents had instilled in me was slowly leaving, it felt like my crown was

dissolving as quickly as vinegar dissolved that hard eggshell in science class.

I remember the day two of my best friends were riding in the car with me and my

mom and we were talking about buildings that we would own someday, the building I liked I
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pointed to and tried my best to get out the words, “mmmmy building is thhat ba-ba-ba-ba-ba…”

we had already passed the building and my friends just kept talking amongst themselves not even

acknowledging that I was trying to say something. Finally, my mom yelled extremely loud, “Be

quiet, can’t you see Chase is trying to say something!” I finally got out the word, “brown

building, back there.” Later that evening before bed, I asked my mom what was wrong with me,

why am I not normal like everybody else. I told her that I did not want to speak anymore, I hate

my voice, I felt trapped in my head, like Johnson essay ‘The Best Year of My Life’ in the book

WAVES, when she said she “could hear the words and comprehend them, but no sound ever got

past my lips” and like Johnson I felt like I was “no good at learning,” I was stupid and dumb. My

mom reassured me that I could never be normal, I can only be me, which is a million times better

than normal.

My mom enrolled me in speech therapy classes, that taught me about ‘easy

beginnings’ and ‘slide and glides,’ which gives me short phrases to start my sentences

with, it took a lot of pressure off me, and I got to my point faster. I also did breathe

exercises that taught me how to breath and not get too much anxiety when I talked. I

enrolled in a brain gym, where I could exercise my mouth, tongue and even my body.

I did not realize the emotional, physical, and psychological stress I was holding in my

mind and body. I was building up my joy and confidence again, I could feel my

invisible crown slowly growing on the top of my head.

I started reading poems and discovered that I really enjoy languages; Spanish, French

and Japanese, I loved the rhythm and flow when I heard foreign languages and most

of them came easy to my tongue, unlike some of my friends, I started to be a lover of

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words. I entered the poetry slam at my school, I did a piece about basketball being the

4 chambers of my heart, I could not believe it, but I won! The words flowed

effortlessly from my tongue. I was so proud of myself.

Some stutterers become talented artist, writers, musicians, like Kendrick

Lamar and even our President, Joe Biden. I still stutter and repeat my sentences after I

say them, but stuttering has made me creative and a better listener, I’m comfortable

being uncomfortable in situations that others can’t deal with. I appreciate language

and words, just like in Johnson’s and Courtland Corder essays in the book WAVES, I

feel like I have patience and can help others in difficult situations. I am still growing,

developing, and discovering new things about myself every day and my crown is

growing with me.

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Works Cited

Reynolds, Amy L., and Amber Leigh Norwood. Waves: A Collection of STUDENT

Essays: Stretch Composition PROGRAM, Department of ENGLISH, California

State University, Northridge. Macmillan Learning Curriculum Solutions, 2019.