the red stays on your lips (clean ‘em off with my lips, my baby)

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/21458794.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/F
Fandom: | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Relationship: Kim Namjoon | RM/Min Yoongi | Suga
Character: Kim Namjoon | RM, Min Yoongi | Suga, Kim Seokjin | Jin, Jung Hoseok
| J-Hope, Park Jimin (BTS), Kim Taehyung | V, Jeon Jungkook
Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Not Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Sex Toys,
Grinding, Smut, side vmin and 2seok because i wrote this, Exploring
Sexuality, Fluff and Smut, lesbeans, Fingerfucking, a little late for namgi
week but i'm here and that's what matters, Angst, Cunnilingus,
Squirting, Pegging, Figuring out yourself and loving your lesbian self,
Gay Chicken, please read tw at chapter 2!
Stats: Published: 2019-11-17 Completed: 2020-05-24 Chapters: 2/2 Words:
27401

the red stays on your lips (clean ‘em off with my lips, my
baby)
by verses

Summary

“show me how you fuck yourself,” namjoo elaborated as if yoonji had simply been too
slow to catch her meaning the first time. “maybe you just need me to teach you how to do it
right.”

“no!” yoonji protested. “i’m not showing you my pussy! are you drunk?”

“why not?” namjoo demanded, a whine caught in her throat, like a child being denied her
favourite toy. “i’ve seen you naked so many times before.”

“not with my legs spread, you haven’t,” yoonji said, scandalized. “besides, you’re a lesbian.
i don’t want you to see me naked and get turned on during what is supposed to be an
educational experience, apparently.”

namjoo rolled her eyes. “fine,” she said, just a little bratty. “you can see me fuck myself.
you’re a hetty, right? so you shouldn’t get turned on if i showed you my pussy and our
‘experience’ can remain educational.”

[ or, the one in which yoonji goes on a journey to discover masturbation, but ends up
discovering homosexuality instead as well. ]

Notes
 ➳ title from right here (by your side) by jc chasez.

See the end of the work for more notes

 A Lesson in Lust

namjoo stared dumbfounded, the cup of tea lying forgotten in front of her as she stared at yoonji in
confusion.

“that can’t be – i mean, how can you even say – so have you? never…” she asked incoherently.

yoonji blushed until even the tip of her nose was flushed with colour and shrugged in
embarrassment. “of course i have,” she insisted. “it just never feels…as good as it does for you.”

namjoo fluttered her hands around in agitation, straightening up and then slouching down again,
before finally leaning against the kitchen isle and staring hard at yoonji. “okay, first of all, how the
fuck would you know if it feels good for me or not?”

yoonji rolled her eyes. “we’re housemates,” she said emphatically. “whatever… toy you’ve been
using is fucking loud as fuck and also? you are loud as fuck. i don’t know what the fuck you were
doing to yourself last night, but let me tell you-”

“no, please don’t tell me anything, i beg you,” namjoo amended quickly, cheeks ruddy. “i am so
sorry! i honestly thought the walls kept the noise from getting to your room because i never hear
anything from your room.”

“that’s because i’m quiet,” yoonji said, deadpan. “and barely move.”

namjoo paused, the line of her mouth quivering with mirth before she burst out laughing. her
perfectly sculpted front teeth dug into her bottom lip and yoonji found herself blushing some more.

yoonji buried her face in her hands, groaning. “stop laughing, i’m embarrassed enough that i
brought this up!”

“no, no, no,” namjoo said instantly, still grinning. “there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed
of! it’s good that you’re trying to explore yourself more. and i’m really happy that you feel
comfortable enough asking me about this.”

yoonji peeked through her fingers and found namjoo staring at her with sincerity. she slowly
brought her hands to rest back on the table, looking at namjoo shyly and expectantly.

namjoo smiled back winningly, her dimples extra deep. “okay! so before i give you any advice,
let’s get some uncomfortable questions out of the way!” she said and yoonji groaned again, making
namjoo giggle. “so when you say orgasms don’t feel too good to you, do you also mean during
sex? or just when you’re masturbating?”

the question made yoonji’s heart clench with shame.

the truth was that she had never actually orgasmed during sex, and though she was sure namjoo
wouldn’t blame her for it, she couldn’t help but feel like there was something wrong with her
body.

she scratched the inside of her wrist nervously, unsure how to admit it to namjoo without making
all her ex-boyfriends sound like incompetent lovers.

“uh, i…” she said, hoping namjoo would understand without the words. “never…”
namjoo titled her head in question.

yoonji swallowed nervously, scrunching her nose in agitation. “i’ve never…orgasmed with
someone else,” she admitted.

namjoo’s first expression was hilariously of alarm – eyes wide, eyebrows frowning in disbelief –
but she quickly schooled it into a neutral expression. “oh…okay. fair enough,” she said faintly, in a
tone that suggested that it wasn’t okay at all. “what about alone? you have orgasmed then, right?”

“yes, but it feels…forced? like, i have to force myself to feel good,” yoonji replied.

namjoo frowned. “are you actually aroused when you try to masturbate? like, are you wet?”

yoonji sputtered at how forward her roommate was being. “yes!” she nearly shouted in
mortification. “but. i don’t know, i think i get too distracted by the logistics of it all and then i’m
not as into it anymore.”

“okay, so this is going to be hella intrusive-”

“isn’t this whole conversation intrusive?”

“-but how do you masturbate?”

“excuse me?”

“i told you it was gonna be intrusive!” namjoo protested, ears flaming red. “but i swear that it’s
important! and relevant!”

“how?”

“well, every body is different,” namjoo started slowly and it would have been funny that they were
both just choosing not to comment on each other’s embarrassed, red faces if the situation wasn't so
fucking awkward. “some people can orgasm only with clitoral stimulation and some people can
only orgasm through penetration and some people can orgasm through both and some-”

“yes, got it. everybody has different ways that work for them.”

“exactly! so which way do you think works best for you?”

yoonji stared at namjoo’s hands while she thought.

the honest answer would be that nothing worked for her. mercilessly rubbing her clit didn’t work,
her ex-boyfriend’s perfectly nice penis didn’t work, nothing ever worked for her.

she sighed. “i think my vagina’s broken,” she admitted sadly and namjoo frowned.

“let’s try some things out before we reach for such conclusions, okay?” namjoo said. “have you
ever used any sex toys before?” yoonji shook her head, and namjoo nodded and clapped her hands
together. “let me get my laptop. first order of business is getting you a cute little helper.”

yoonji took a deep breath as namjoo skidded away in her socked feet into her bedroom.

she felt like her body was buzzing with a feeling she had never felt before. it was a weird mixture
of excitement, shame and complete and utter humiliation that was making her feel like was going
to throw up any moment. her hands felt jittery and her heart was bruising the inside of her ribs with
anticipation.
she didn’t know what sort of blind stupidity had led her to this.

yoonji wasn’t a very sexual person in general and she had spent her whole life being completely
accepting of the fact that she just wasn’t as insatiably horny as other people her age.

and then the night before had happened.

the day leading up to The Night had been almost perfect. for once in her life, she had woken up
from an invigorating sleep just in time to revise and review for her applied statistics exam. her
exam actually went well and she felt so energized that she decided to hang out with her friends after
classes for the day were over. she’d had an overall successful day.

all she needed was to fall asleep at exactly 8pm so she could get twelve hours of sleep before the
start of the next day and she could then categorize the day as perfect.

but she woke up from a dreamless sleep to stare at a blazing red 9:38pm displayed on her alarm
clock.

she frowned in confusion, unsure of how or why she had woken before 8am, before she heard it
- the soft buzz of what she had learnt over time was the sound of namjoo’s sex toy.

she huffed in irritation and pulled her pillows on top of her head to try to drown out the sound of
the toy, but of course, namjoo just had to make things harder for her.

a loud moan echoed through the silence of their apartment, and goosebumps erupted up yoonji’s
spine and down her legs.

“fuck, oh my god,” namjoo moaned, followed by a loud whimper.

yoonji shivered underneath her thick blankets and cursed herself for wearing shorts to bed.

the buzzing increased and so did namjoo’s soft sounds.

wide awake now, yoonji imagined what namjoo must look like in her bed. from the sounds of it,
she was definitely writhing in her sheets - her mattress squeaking every so often under the weight
of her body. yoonji wondered if she was naked or if she just had a hand down her underwear, like
she herself did when she wanted to quickly get off before bed.

maybe she had her t-shirt on - the one that she always wore to bed, the one that was too big on her
tall but slight frame, the one that always slipped off her shoulders, the one that just barely touched
the tops of her caramel thighs - and maybe it was the only thing she had on. maybe she was
wearing the black lacey panties she liked to wear on nights she wanted to get laid.

yoonji imagined namjoo in bed, one hand under her t-shirt - the one that was worn so thin that
yoonji could see the peaks of namjoo’s nipples whenever she wore it - playing with her tits, one
hand holding a vibrator to her clit, panties pulled to the side. she imagined the vibrator - blue, for
some reason - drenched in her juices as it pulsed against her just right, imagined namjoo arching
nearly off the bed in pleasure - eyes shut, mouth open.

yoonji huffed out another breath, this time a breath of defeat, and pulled her pillow under her head
again, staring at her ceiling in contempt.

her fingers ran in circles where they rested against the tops of her thighs. she swallowed at how
electric her touch felt this close to her core. she could feel how wet she was just inches away, how
her underwear clinged to her where she was most sensitive.
“ah!” namjoo exclaimed, her voice somehow dim through the walls, but magnified by the silence.

yoonji hit her head against her pillow - once, twice, thrice. “fuck,” she muttered. “fuck it all to
hell,” she said, stuffing her hand down her shorts and gasping softly when her finger dipped into
the wetness.

her clit felt stiff under her wet fingers, soft and hard at the same time. she bit hard into the skin of
her other hand to keep her sounds to herself, hearing namjoo’s bed squeaking again. she rubbed at
her clit desperately, too tired to be bothered with anything more elaborate than a quick clit
massage.

“mmff, so good,” namjoo voiced next door and yoonji teared up from the feeling of her own teeth
digging into her flesh. “so good, so close. ah! so close, oh my god.”

yoonji sped up her movements till she was right alongside namjoo, just at the tip of falling.

her orgasm rolled over her just like it always did, suddenly and quietly. her thighs tensed around her
hand till she couldn’t move anymore and the knot inside her tummy came undone.

just a wall away, namjoo keened high and pretty, her voice quickly melting into quick panting.

“fuck,” namjoo said one last time, followed by the sound of something being dropped to the floor.

yoonji melted back into her bed, just conscious enough to hear namjoo make her way to the
bathroom while she went back to sleep in her mess.

the next morning, all yoonji could think about was the sounds that namjoo made as she brought
herself to orgasm. how mind-shattering her experience seemed to be, compared to her own
mechanical method. it wasn’t the first time she had heard namjoo masturbate or cum, but it was the
first time that she just couldn’t get it out of her head.

and then, in her sleepy exhaustion of only seven hours of sleep, she had blurted out that she didn’t
think sex or orgasms were all they were made out to be in the middle of breakfast.

she didn’t really remember how the conversation had traveled to her own sexual incompetence, but
she certainly despised the journey.

before she could spiral further into a loophole of anxiety and excitement, namjoo was skidding
back into the kitchen, seating herself right next to yoonji.

she placed her laptop between the two, grinning at yoonji when the older’s eyes widened at what
was displayed on the screen.

yoonji swallowed thickly. “i didn’t know amazon provided these services,” she said neutrally.

namjoo giggled, and yoonji found herself calming down just a smidge. “well, i thought that until
we figure out what sort of toys work best for you, it’s best to keep things cheap,” she commented.
“the stuff i use is much more expensive, but it is also better quality.”

“no, cheap is good,” yoonji said, unable to take her eyes off a thing that vaguely looked like a
cactus, but bright pink. “how the hell does a person use that thing?” she asked.

namjoo pointed at the longer and thicker branch of the cactus-looking object. “that goes inside,”
she said, before sliding her finger down to the smaller branch, “and that goes on your clit.”
“oh,” yoonji said and for some reason, her mouth was watering.

the “yes” that namjoo uttered was both shy and soft, and yoonji couldn’t help but turn to see what
expression accompanied such a soft sound.

namjoo was someone who barely ever initiated conversation - the reason why they had
harmoniously been housemates for three long years - but whenever she spoke to yoonji, it felt like a
gift. there was something about her expressions and her words and her gestures that just fell
perfectly in the spaces between her ribs. every conversation with namjoo was etched into her
insides, had found its place inside her soul and yoonji knew she was going to keep them with her
till the day she died.

now, looking at namjoo with her shoulders pulled in in shyness, pouty mouth bitten by her perfect
teeth and the apples of her cheeks rosy, yoonji could only smile softly and scribble the moment
into the walls of her heart. it was a sight she wanted to remember forever.

“i don’t think it’s the right toy for you though, unnie,” namjoo said, quickly typing something in
the search bar. an array of brightly coloured, tiny airpod case-looking things popped onto the
screen. namjoo scrolled till she landed on the ones she was looking for. “this is a bullet vibrator. it
was my first toy as well. i think it would be a first good sex toy for you as well.”

“what does it do?” yoonji asked, turning fully to face namjoo.

sex toys might be new to yoonji, but she knew exactly what bullet vibrators were. she had watched
enough porn to be familiar with them, but she just wanted to hear namjoo describe them to her, just
to watch her squirm.

“ah,” namjoo said softly, and yoonji watched the soft, pink and wet gape of her mouth in
fascination. “it’s really simple. there are two in this pack so - well, what i used to do was to put it
around, um,” she stuttered off, swallowing quickly, eyes nervously tracking to yoonji to see her
reaction, “put it either on the sides of my clit, or i would put one on my clit and the other on my,
um, my hole?”

yoonji exhaled quietly, sitting straighter to suppress the shudder going up her spine. “your hole?”

namjoo bit her lip and whined, a soft, delicious sound, frowning at yoonji in disapproval. “unnie,
you know what i mean!”

yoonji smirked, finally feeling like herself again. “do i?” she asked, an eyebrow raised in challenge
and the blush on namjoo’s cheeks turned vibrant. “there are two holes i can think of that are just
centimetres apart, namjoo.”

namjoo rolled her eyes emphatically and fiddled with her laptop as she answered, “my vagina-hole.
not my asshole, you asshole.”

yoonji laughed so hard, she nearly toppled off the kitchen stool. “that’s no way to speak to your
elders, you brat,” she said, eyes dancing in mirth. “fine, let’s order my first ever sex toy.”

namjoo smiled brightly. “next day delivery?” she questioned.

“next day delivery,” yoonji confirmed.

when yoonji stepped out of her bedroom, face red and undies soaked with arousal, she found
namjoo sitting cross-legged right outside her door. her face lit up in excitement when she saw
yoonji step out, wide eyes and a wide smile turning up towards her.

yoonji frowned. “were you listening, you perv?” she said, with as much emotion as she could
muster after yet another sub-par orgasm.

“music,” she said, pointing at the earphones still in her ears. “did it work? has your life been
changed forever?”

yoonji sighed and sat down cross-legged right in front of namjoo, shivering a little at how cold the
wooden floor felt against her bare legs. “not really,” she said, and namjoo’s mouth fell at the
corners. “it was actually worse than usual somehow. like, it took me so long to come and i couldn’t
come till i used my hand.”

namjoo’s eyes turned from disappointed to...to something else, as her eyes quickly darted down to
her fingers and back again, ears turning red. yoonji blushed as well. she had cleaned up as best as
she could with tissues and sanitizer, but there wasn’t much she could do about her pruney fingers
until she could be allowed to shower.

“maybe you’re just not sensitive externally,” namjoo concluded, already tapping away at the phone
in her hand.

“maybe,” yoonji agreed, shrugging. “i did both the things you told me about.” namjoo looked up at
that, licking her lips in interest and anticipation. yoonji looked away and scratched at the tip of her
nose awkwardly. “the clit thing didn’t work at all,” she said. “the vibrations weren’t strong enough.
but, um, when i put it on my - my hole...it felt...nice.”

namjoo licked over her bottom lip again, leaving it glossy. “nice?”

yoonji nodded, heart thumping loudly at the sudden tension in the air between them. her knee felt
warm where it was touching namjoo’s and yoonji idly wondered what it would feel like to have her
entire leg pressed against namjoo’s.

“nice,” she repeated and heard the click of her throat as namjoo swallowed. her finger drew
patterns into the skin of her own thigh, just to have something to do. “i wanted to put it in,” she
admitted softly.

of course the stimulation had felt nice, but there was more.

more that yoonji couldn’t admit quite yet.

namjoo sighed softly, the breath shuddering as it left her mouth. “i’m gonna order you another
vibrator. you remember the first one you saw?” namjoo said, turning her eyes back to her phone.

“the cactus?” yoonji asked curiously, and namjoo’s eyes lit up with fond amusement.

“that’s what i call it as well!” she said happily and yoonji just smiled.

as disappointing as her foray into sex toys had been, she couldn’t wait to continue experimenting
with namjoo.

the evening of the bullet vibrator day found yoonji and namjoo dressed to the nines, ready for a
night of drinking and eating.
“i think food crawls are so much better than pub crawls,” jimin said and jin raised his glass to that.
“that way we actually get to talk and catch up while stuffing ourselves full.”

“also, i don’t care what you budding alcoholics have to say in this,” tae added, “but alcohol always
has and always will taste like ass. don’t even know why you guys drink that nasty stuff.”

“some of us are just into ass-eating, tae,” hoseok said, arm wrapped lazily around a gently drunk
and cuddly jin. “and it’s incredibly homophobic of you to talk about ass-eating in a negative light.”

tae stuck out her tongue at hoseok. “let’s put it to vote,” she suggested. “everyone for food crawl,
raise your hand!” jimin, jin, namjoo and tae all raised their hands and tae whooped in joy. “there
you go, gay boy.”

hoseok sputtered into his drink, snorting out a laugh, and yoonji smiled fondly at her idiots.

she loved being around her friends, loved how comfortable she felt around them, even though she
was so completely different from them.

yoonji had been best-friends with jin since her first year at university, and through her friendship
with jin, she had become friends with his boyfriend, hoseok. hoseok and yoonji bonded over their
mutual love of music, and that’s when hoseok decided to introduce her to namjoo.

within their first meeting, namjoo and yoonji had developed an incredible amount of trust and
respect for each other. even though she was two years older than namjoo, she found the younger’s
drive and passion so inspiring that every conversation with her only created motivation inside her
own heart. soon enough, namjoo moved into yoonji’s apartment so that her younger sister, tae,
could have her own apartment with her long-term girlfriend, jimin.

jungkook joined them last - as shy and introverted as he was, it didn’t take him long to adapt to
their group of friends and quickly, he became a permanent member of their little mishmash of a
group.

they all knew each other in different capacities - some as friends, some as lovers, some as siblings -
but they loved and cared for each other immensely. it was what kept them together even though
they barely got to see each other between work and classes.

“noona,” hoseok said, one hand still somewhere on jin and the other hand on his barely-sipped-at
beer, “how is your song coming along? namjoo told me that you were having some trouble with
the bridge.”

it was shameful that it took yoonji a few, solid moments to remember what song hoseok was
talking about.

truth be told, ever since her talk with namjoo at the kitchen table, yoonji had completely forgotten
about the song and the creases in her forehead that it had caused.

yoonji sighed, slumping against the back of her chair. “yeah,” she drawled, fingers drawing
patterns into the condensation of her glass of water with ice. “it’s not the bridge that’s giving me
trouble,” she said, “there’s just something off about it. i can’t pin it down, but there’s something
that just isn’t lining up.”

warmth on the skin of her thigh and yoonji looked down to see namjoo’s elegant and delicate hand
resting comfortingly on top of her thigh. there was a glinting ring around her middle finger, the
band of it cold against her suddenly warm skin.
“it’s okay, unnie,” namjoo said. she was sprawled in her chair as well, her dark hair falling around
her face, framing it like it was a picture worth displaying. when she smiled, yoonji’s eyes strayed to
the strand of hair that ended perfectly in the centre of namjoo’s right dimple. “we all have our
slumps,” she continued. “i’m sure you’ll figure this one out. don’t stress about it.”

yoonji shrugged. “can’t help but stress about it,” she replied and hoseok made an understanding
sound. “i’m sorry if i’ve been stressing you out with it though.”

namjoo looked at her for just a second too long before forcing her eyes away, staring at the table as
she huffed out a laugh. “can’t help but stress about it,” she quoted her, not meeting yoonji’s gaze,
“when you don’t eat your meals.”

“sorry, mom,” yoonji said, pitching her voice high and annoying.

namjoo rolled her eyes, looking back at her. “you need your nourishment to grow, yoonji,” she
said, motherly.

yoonji flicked her in the middle of her forehead and said, “still your unnie, you little turd.”

namjoo giggled, placing her hand right back on top of her thigh and squeezing in a silent apology.
yoonji breathed out softly and calmingly through her nose, choosing not to think too hard about
how electrified she felt with namjoo’s bare skin on hers, with namjoo’s fingers pressed so close to
where she was melting.

next to her, hoseok elbowed her in the ribs and giggled.

thankfully, before he could make any comments, jin was yelling, “everyone to the dance floor!”

jimin, who had spent most of their night out with her tongue inside tae’s mouth, giggled right into
her girlfriend’s mouth. “dance floor!” she yelled back at jin, pressing another quick, small kiss to
tae’s lips like she just couldn’t help it before dragging her into the crowd of writhing bodies.

namjoo looked on fondly, until her eyes turned to saucers, realizing tae had a firm grip around her
wrist. “not me,” she said, panicked. “i can’t dance!”

“just do your thing, unnie,” tae said with a grin, pulling insistently. “doesn’t have to look good.”

yoonji knew namjoo was going to give in before the younger herself realized it. she always gave in
when it came to her little sister. namjoo was far too good of an older sister to deny tae even the
smallest dose of happiness, even at the expense of her own comfort and dignity.

hoseok grabbed jungkook around the waist and pulled him out as well. “no way am i going to let
me favourite dancer just sit around,” he commented, frog-marching jungkook away.

“boo, you whore,” jin said with an eye roll, chucking peanuts at his boyfriend.

“hyung, i love you, but i’m not blind and you dance like you have a 12-inch dildo up your ass,”
hoseok said before quickly ducking away from more peanuts.

“you wish i had a 12-incher up my ass,” jin replied.

“no,” hoseok said once he was out of range, eyes glinting with mirth. “you wish you had a 12-
incher up your-”

“do i really have to be here for this conversation?” jungkook asked, eyes dead and body still caught
in hoseok’s tight embrace.

yoonji laughed at her friends’ antics, relaxing back into her chair and sipping on her water. being
designated driver sucked, but it also meant that she was sober enough to remember all of these little
moments that she could rewind to on her bad days.

jin shook his head next to her. his ears were red, eyes shaped into little hearts and his mouth curved
into the cutest smile.

yoonji bumped his shoulder softly, and jin huffed a laugh.

“don’t,” he warned, not meeting her eyes.

“you love him,” yoonji teased, far from intimidated. “you want to put a bigass ring on his finger.
you want him to impregnate you with his spermies.”

“disgusting,” jin said, gagging. “don’t put your het thoughts on my relationship, please. we
deserve much more than that.”

yoonji laughed, leaning her head on jin’s shoulder. “sorry,” she said. “but you do love him. like
disgusting amounts. it’s so obvious, i can smell it.”

jin just hummed and yoonji grinned wider.

coming from jin, just a hum meant a big, grand and elaborate confession.

it was serendipitous that two people so well-suited to each other had managed to find each other in
a world of billions. they were both perfectly matched contradictions - both seemingly loud
extroverts that actually preferred their own quiet company than anything else in the world, both
seemingly nice, harmless dudes who would actually kill for their loved ones.

“you need to get your shit together,” yoonji mumbled. “put a ring on it before i do it for you.”

jin tensed a little before he said quietly, “i think he’s gonna beat me to it.”

yoonji frowned, sitting up to stare at jin’s dopey, smiley face. “what.”

grinning, jin asked, “promise you won’t tell anyone?”

“i swear on holly i will never breathe a word to anyone,” yoonji said passionately.

jin licked his lip, eyes darting around before he said, “i found a box. in his underwear drawer.”

yoonji’s eyeballs nearly dropped right out of the sockets. “a ring box?” she confirmed.

jin nodded rapidly, squeaking a little in excitement. “what a fucking fool though, honestly. thinking
i won’t go through his underwear when we share boxers.”

“you - are you fucking - ew!”

“oh please,” jin waved it off, rolling his eyes. “we’ve had our mouths on each others’ dicks and
assholes, underwear sharing is okay at this point.”

“i hate you,” yoonji said, deadpan. then she grinned. “congratulations, dude. finally, huh? it’s been
a long time coming.”
“i know, right?” jin said, his smile softening. “i bought a ring the very next day and i’ve been
carrying it with me since. i’m gonna whip it out the minute he tries to ask me to marry him.”

yoonji rolled her eyes. “literally, why would you do that.”

“bitch thinks he can one-up me?” seokjin said, tone bewildered. “only in his fucking dreams.”

“just ask him first then, why wait for him to ask you…”

“kim seokjin? ask someone first?” jin said loudly, his voice gaining more and more flair with every
word. “i don’t care if it’s hoseok and his cute ass, i’m not admitting defeat first.”

yoonji decided just not to question it and leaned back down on jin’s shoulder. “you’re a weirdo, but
i’m happy for you both. i love your love.”

“you could have your own love to love if you took your head out of your ass once in a while,” jin
commented pleasantly.

“what does that mean,” yoonji said more than questioned, before realizing that she didn’t want an
answer. not really.

jin paused dramatically, taking a huge sip of his beer, before he turned his pensive eyes to yoonji.
“so what’s going on with you and namjoo?” he asked.

yoonji halted. “stop,” she said firmly. “i don’t like what you’re insinuating right now.”

“yoonji…” jin said with a sigh.

“no,” yoonji enunciated harshly, putting distance between herself and jin.

jin did that sometimes, insinuating that yoonji might not be as heterosexual as she believed herself
to be, and yoonji hated it every single time.

she wasn’t in denial like hoseok had been before coming out, she wasn’t stewing in internalized
homophobia like tae had been years ago, and she didn’t have shitty, unaccepting parents like jin
did. she hadn’t experienced anything close to what her friends had experienced on their journey of
self-discovery, and she hated jin’s insinuations that she didn’t know herself well enough.

she especially hated it when jin dragged namjoo into it.

she didn’t feel gay things. she just wasn’t attracted to her boyfriends for longer than a week.

that was all.

“fine,” jin admitted a tense second later. “but i’m not gonna stop pushing. i’ll catch you off-guard
one day.”

“fuck off,” yoonji said unkindly. jin was her best friend, yes, but that didn’t mean she didn’t hate
him.

“hey,” jin said, pushing himself close to her again. “don’t be mad. i have to do this. because of
the-”

“gay agenda,” yoonji finished for him, “yes, yes, i remember.”

*
yoonji teetered precariously into the house, namjoo’s swaying weight crushing and soothing
against her.

“just a few more steps,” she assured the drunk girl. “few more steps and you’ll be in your big,
comfy bed.”

“bed?” namjoo asked, somehow completely coherent for someone who could barely stand up
straight.

“bed,” yoonji reassured. “the thing you’ve been whining about for an hour straight now.”

“mm, love bed,” namjoo said, “m’ best frien’. bed.”

yoonji carefully guided her drunk friend into her room.

the journey from namjoo’s bedroom door to her bed was a treacherous one even while sober. the
floor was a maze of slippery, silky clothes, music equipment and random paperclips that namjoo
had injured herself on multiple times but still couldn’t contain to her desk. thankfully, a boobytrap
floor meant that her bed was always clean because namjoo pushed the mess on her bed off onto the
floor all the time.

yoonji lugged namjoo in, carefully swiping her foot in front of them to make sure the pathway was
cleared of any injurious materials. “almost there, almost there,” she chanted under her breath as she
led the way.

she tried her best to carefully lower namjoo onto the bed, but they were barely in reach when
namjoo redirected her weight and plonked heavily onto her mattress, bouncing a few times before
settling.

yoonji sighed, reaching forward to unbutton namjoo’s jeans so she could at least breathe in her
sleep.

“take ‘em off,” namjoo mumbled and yoonji froze. “don’t wanna wear jeans to sleep. take ‘em
off.”

“namjoo,” yoonji breathed out, unsure what to do.

while she absolutely didn’t mind helping her friend out of her jeans so she could sleep comfortably,
she also didn’t want sober-namjoo to be embarrassed or worse, mad at her for complying with her
drunken demands.

namjoo pushed her hair out of her face carelessly, blinking her glittering, big eyes at yoonji.
“please,” she whispered and something quietened inside yoonji’s mind completely. “unnie,”
namjoo uttered softly into the silent night.

yoonji took a metaphoric brush and painted the sight of a delicate, blushy namjoo whispering
‘unnie’ into the walls of her heart. she would choose a frame for it later at night, before going to
sleep.

“unnie, please,” namjoo pleaded, shifting to her side.

yoonji took one look at her cheek squished against the bed and decided she didn’t stand a chance.

“okay, but you better not be embarrassed about this in the morning,” she warned, leaning over the
bed, one knee resting next to namjoo’s thigh on the bed.
“kay,” namjoo answered happily. she raised her hips up helpfully and easily as yoonji tried to pull
her skin-tight jeans off.

the jeans came off her hips stubbornly, and yoonji gasped at the sight underneath.

cheeks warm with a blush, yoonji chuckled awkwardly, keeping her eyes averted. “looks like
someone was hoping to get laid tonight,” she commented lightly.

namjoo made a questioning sound before leaning to look down at her black, lace panties. yoonji
swallowed drily, dragging her eyes away from the lace front, namjoo’s soft skin so obviously
visible underneath the intricate patterns.

namjoo flopped back bonelessly into the bed and tried her best to look alluring and not dead.
“night’s still young,” she said.

yoonji rolled her eyes, struggling to pull the jeans down namjoo’s sculpted thighs. “you perpetually
horny little lesbian,” she teased and namjoo whined, kicking her feet. “stop moving or these will
never come off. god, how did you even get them on?”

“unnie,” namjoo said, whiny and begging for attention.

“what,” yoonji responded.

she finally pulled the jeans off namjoo’s feet in a flourish, brandishing them off somewhere on the
messy cupboard-floor.

“unnie, look at me,” namjoo commanded.

yoonji did, helpless to deny such a pretty girl with such a pretty voice.

her heart stuttered in its cage. namjoo always looked beautiful, but there was something absolutely
otherworldly in the way she glowed in the moonlight.

“what,” yoonji repeated from somewhere outside her body.

namjoo dragged her body to the edge of her bed, getting as close as she possibly could to yoonji
without toppling off the bed. she pulled her naked legs towards her chest, one arm under her head
and her hair forming a dark halo around her.

yoonji leaned closer, unable to resist the pull like the waves to their moon. “what?” she asked
again.

namjoo’s tongue flicked out to wet her lips until they were shining just like the rest of her body.
yoonji followed the movement with her eyes and thought, her lips look very comfortable.

“are you sure you’re straight?” namjoo asked.

yoonji tore her eyes away from namjoo’s red lips with great reluctance, and tilted her head in
thought. “pretty sure. why?” she questioned, unsure why everyone was constantly questioning her
sexuality.

namjoo’s eyes trailed up her body in a slow appraisal as she slowly bit into her bottom lip. when
her eyes met yoonji’s again, she breathed out slowly and clenched her thighs together subtly.

“no reason,” she replied, a heavy weight resting in between the syllables.
yoonji stumbled into her own room in a daze, changed into her night suit on automatic and didn’t
return to herself till she had safely tucked herself into her pile of blankets.

her brain buzzed like a bee hive inside her skull.

it wasn’t that she didn’t want to be gay or that she had anything against homosexuality. all her
closest friends were gay, in which gay was an umbrella term for anything and everything non-
straight and non-cis, and she had never had a problem with it.

it was just that she had never thought that she might be anything other than straight.

yoonji thought back to her ex-boyfriends, all of whom had lasted only a few weeks before turning
into friends with benefits. the sex arrangement would usually last another couple weeks before
yoonji would just cut them off, completely bored with the sex that seemed more like a chore than a
fun pastime.

they had all been good men, but it made her uncomfortable how their romantic interest in her was
completely disproportionate to her own interest in them. while they were good people, they
weren’t people that she could stand for more than thirty-minutes at a time, and she concluded that
she just wasn’t built for long-term relationships.

her romantic and sexual interest in people was pretty much negligible, and she had decided not to
stress about it.

but she had never thought that her uninterest in the men in her life meant that she might not be
straight. growing up, she had never questioned her sexuality because straight was the default.

yoonji sighed, turning in her bed as she thought back to the bullet vibrator.

the honest, uncensored truth was that the toy truly hadn’t done much for her at all. the stimulation
had felt nice at her entrance, but it didn’t nearly stimulate her enough to make her come.

but a quick flash of a thought - namjoo used this on herself too - and she was tripping headfirst into
an orgasm.

did that mean that she wasn’t straight?

a miracle happened halfway into the week - yoonji figured out what was wrong with the song.

she locked herself inside her room; curtains closed, headphones on and back scrunched over her
computer uncomfortably.

her ears tinged to be freed from the constraint of the headphones, but yoonji was on a mission to
finish the god-forsaken song in one go because she knew that if she lost inspiration now, she would
never get it back.

inspiration was a flighty lover. it refused to show up when she begged and prayed for it, but
knocked at her door, unannounced, when she is ready to give up and move on.

she squinted at her screen, eyes tearing up as she tried to mellow down the piano in the background
of her song. the piano would always remain her first love, but sadly, it wasn’t the feature of this
song. the star of this song was jimin’s delicate voice, wrapped around a symphony of instruments,
and she wanted to make sure that it shined as brightly as the sun.
a hand at her shoulder jolted her out of her reverie and she screamed at the sudden movement,
ripping her headphones off.

namjoo stood giggling behind her, holding a bowl of instant ramen. “hi,” she said through her
giggles.

yoonji placed a hand over her stomping heart, trying to get it settled down. “you scared the shit out
of me,” she said and namjoo grinned unabashedly. yoonji blinked rapidly to make up for all the
time she had spent staring at her screen unblinkingly and stretched her arms over her head, hearing
satisfying pops in her joints. “what’re you doin’ here?” she asked through a yawn.

“brought you ramen,” namjoo said, offering up the bowl.

yoonji’s stomach growled at the smell of the food and she accepted the bowl graciously. “oh my
god, there’s egg garnish!” she said with a laugh and namjoo smiled back as she settled down cross-
legged on top of yoonji’s bed, inches away from yoonji’s feet. yoonji heaped a large mouthfull of
delicious, spicy noodles into her mouth and groaned at the heavenly taste. “so. good,” she declared
emphatically.

“glad you like it,” namjoo said with a big smile and a small bow. “i’m assuming the song is going
well. you’ve been locked in here all day.”

“yes, it’s coming along well,” yoonji said through slurps. “i figured out what was wrong with it.
the bridge was weak. it needed more...funk.”

namjoo raised an expressive brow. “funk?”

“i’m hungry,” yoonji responded simply and namjoo laughed again.

namjoo threw herself back onto yoonji’s bed, drawing yoonji’s gaze up and down the pretty curves
of her body. “when do you think it will be done?”

“another week or so,” yoonji said and namjoo whooped. “i just have to finalize a few things and
then it should be ready for you to hear.”

“can’t wait,” namjoo said, and yoonji knew she meant it with full sincerity. “sorry if i’m disturbing
you. i know you hate your creative process being interrupted.”

yoonji shook her head. “i was heading for a break anyway,” she lied. “the muscles in my neck are
frozen. i need to relax.”

namjoo’s smile turned a little sharp at the edges, eyes glinting with mischief as she said, “i have
the perfect gift for you for optimal relaxation.”

“what?”

“your cactus vibe got delivered,” she said impishly and yoonji couldn’t help the excitement she felt
at the news. “are you excited to use it?”

“so excited,” yoonji admitted. she shovelled her noodles into her mouth faster, making namjoo
laugh. “is it from amazon again?” she asked because she hadn’t participated in the purchase of the
toy this time, giving namjoo sole powers over it because she was more educated in the matter.

“nope,” namjoo said. “this one is a bit more high-end and it is my absolute favourite. if this doesn’t
make you come your brains out of your nose, i don’t know what will.”
yoonji snorted. “don’t know if i want to come my brains out. i need my brains.”

namjoo quietened for a minute, before speaking up shyly. “unnie, would it be wildly inappropriate
if i made a suggestion?” she asked, tucking her hair behind her ear like a medieval maiden.

yoonji found herself inexplicably charmed. “everything about our relationship has turned stupidly
inappropriate, so why not.”

“do you, um, do you watch porn when you masturbate?”

“uuuuuh.”

it was honestly a funny story.

a long, confusing story that concluded a little like this: yes, yoonji watched porn. in fact, she
watched a questionable amount of porn. and since the year 2012, when yoonji had been rooming
with a hoseok-less seokjin who had still been a crusader for the gay agenda and decided to help
open up her options a bit, she exclusively watched lesbian porn only.

her reasoning was this: heterosexual porn was made for the male gaze and dehumanized the girl so
much that she just couldn’t stand it.

her reasoning was this: lesbian porn, while also mostly made for the male gaze, featured women
and yoonji really liked looking at women.

for artistic purposes only. obviously.

“you don’t have to answer that,” namjoo added quickly when yoonji took a minute too long to
answer. “i’m sorry if i crossed a line.”

yoonji waved her apology off. “you’re fine,” she said. “what’s your suggestion, namjoo?”

namjoo bit her lip before squeezing a hand into the back pocket of her jeans. she pulled out a bear-
shaped pendrive, because of course namjoo would own a bear shaped pendrive, and pushed it
towards yoonji.

yoonji took a careful breath in. “what’s in this, namjoo?” she asked softly.

cheeks flushed, namjoo answered, “my carefully curated porn collection.” a pause. “i made a
special folder just for you that has all my straight porn.”

exhale. “okay.”

“okay?”

yoonji nodded, refusing to look at namjoo as she reached out to grab the pendrive.

another elongated pause and yoonji questioned, “you watch straight porn?”

namjoo shrugged. “i just ignore the man.”

yoonji cracked a smile and the tension between them eased just a little. “so just like real life then.”

namjoo giggled. “exactly.”

*
it wasn’t that the vibe was useless or that the porn didn’t help.

yoonji was wet like a river between her legs, her thighs slippery like someone had buttered them
up. on her laptop screen, the woman was moaning loudly as she fucked herself down on a dildo.
yoonji pushed the black vibrator deeper inside her, sighing softly as it buzzed away inside her, the
smaller section vibrating against her clit.

she tried slowing it down, turning up the intensity, tried fucking herself harder, tried riding it like a
cock, but nothing worked. and the longer it took her to truly feel as good as the woman on the
screen, the worse she felt about the whole situation.

maybe her vagina truly was broken.

“do you think you’re asexual?” namjoo asked later at dinner.

yoonji considered that for a second before shaking her head. “too horny to be ace,” she admitted
and namjoo laughed. “maybe the whole earth-shattering pleasure narrative is just a lie. maybe you
and all of those pornstars feel the same level of pleasure as i do, but you all are just louder about
it.”

namjoo made a frustrated sound in her throat. “no, if you felt the same level of pleasure that i do
out of sex or masturbation, then you wouldn’t have said that orgasms were overrated. orgasms are
the only good thing on earth.”

yoonji pouted, stabbing her spoon into her bowl full of rice. “i think i just have a faulty vagina.
should i try taking female viagra or something?”

“no, i just - ” namjoo started and stopped. she looked frustrated, like her thoughts were running
faster than her tongue could catch up with. “show me how you do it.”

yoonji choked on her mouthful, eyes watering as she glared at namjoo through the tears. “what!”
she yelled.

undeterred by yoonji’s shock, namjoo stuck her chin out stubbornly. “show me how you fuck
yourself,” she elaborated as if yoonji had simply been too slow to catch her meaning the first time.
“maybe you just need me to teach you how to do it right.”

“no!” yoonji protested. “i’m not showing you my pussy! are you drunk?”

“why not?” namjoo demanded, a whine caught in her throat, like a child being denied her favourite
toy. “i’ve seen you naked so many times before.”

“not with my legs spread, you haven’t,” yoonji said, scandalized. “besides, you’re a lesbian. i don’t
want you to see me naked and get turned on during what is supposed to be an educational
experience, apparently.”

namjoo rolled her eyes. “fine,” she said, just a little bratty. “you can see me fuck myself. you’re a
hetty, right? so you shouldn’t get turned on if i showed you my pussy and our ‘experience’ can
remain educational.”

yoonji’s entire body was burning with a blush and her brain seemed three seconds away from
whiting out completely. she didn’t know how they had even reached this point and too flustered to
continue protesting, just yelled, “okay!”

namjoo smiled, pleased, before yoonji’s words seemed to properly catch up to her. her smile
slipped off her face and her jaw dropped open. “o-okay?” she confirmed and yoonji nodded
through her embarrassment. “um, okay. i...after shower tonight?”

yoonji stuffed a mouthful of meat and rice into her mouth and mumbled an affirmative. namjoo
stuffed her mouth just as full and looked away.

they ate quickly after that, shovelling food into their mouths and pushing it down with gulps of
water.

yoonji was done in under two minutes, quickly pushing off the chair with her dishes grasped
tightly in her hands. she left her dishes unwashed in the sink as always, and ran to her bedroom.

there, with her back against the door, she finally let herself breathe.

“fuck,” she whispered under her breath.

she felt drunk and reckless. like she could feel all of her limbs, but couldn’t quite remember how to
control any of them. her heart thumped away uselessly against her sternum, jackrabbiting in its
place.

“fuck,” she repeated to herself, before she took off running.

first, there needed to be a shower. thankfully, they had en-suites in their apartment and yoonji
grabbed a towel and ran into her bathroom like someone was after her life. she jumped in quickly
and decided that it was the perfect time to finally shave off her overgrown body hair. her pubes
were basically a rainforest with its own ecosystem at that point, but it still took her only a few
minutes to be done shaving because she was a seasoned professional.

she washed herself with more care than she had ever shown herself before, getting soapy hands in
every nook and cranny. she washed her hair with her expensive shampoo that smelled like a
magical garden and that she only used on special occasions. she actually used lotion on her skin
after the thorough shower.

after her shower, she decided to pick out her favourite lingerie set to wear under her nightsuit - the
maroon bralette with far too many straps and matching lace panties that barely covered anything -
all of that tucked safely under her baggy tee and shorts combo.

she didn’t let herself think too hard about why she was dressing in her favourite lingerie set when
she wasn’t even the one who was going to be getting naked.

another five minutes and a short pep-talk later, yoonji found herself in front of a fresh out of the
shower namjoo, clad only in a pink towel wrapped under her arms.

licking her dry lips, yoonji’s eyes followed the journey of a water droplet down namjoo’s dainty,
long neck, over her collarbone and between the gentle swell of her tits.

“um, clothes?” she said eloquently, eyes still stuck to the exposed skin of her neck.

when she looked up at namjoo, she found the other girl’s brown eyes hooded with an emotion she
had never seen on her face before. her cheeks were pink from the hot shower and yoonji was
entranced with the way her dimples popped into her blushy cheeks when she answered, “what’s the
point in dressing up when i’m only going to get naked later?”

yoonji found it in herself to smile over the sound of her heart thrumming like an anxious butterfly
inside her body. “why live when we’re only going to die?” she countered, forcefully sassy.
namjoo lowered herself to the bed, and yoonji’s eyes followed her like a predator to a prey.

yoonji cleared her throat softly. “so,” she started, seating herself at the foot of namjoo’s bed, “how
do you want to do this?”

namjoo smiled softly, just a tiny curve of the corners of her mouth. “you pick,” she said. “it’s your
educational experience after all.”

she stretched her legs out in front of her and yoonji found her eyes dragging down to catch a proper
sight of them. if there was one thing that yoonji was certain of in a forever changing world, it was
that no matter what someone’s sexuality was, there was no way that anyone wouldn’t be attracted
to the sight of namjoo’s legs.

her legs were miles long and perfectly golden, helped by years of bicycling around and hiking trips
that yoonji always backed out of. yoonji eyed the lean muscle on her legs and drooled a little.

“um,” yoonji said intelligently. “do you...do you wanna watch porn first?” she asked hesitantly and
the flush traveled down to namjoo’s neck at the words. “you know, to get yourself going.”

a shaky exhale and namjoo replied, “i think i’m turned on enough.”

eyes snapping up at the words, yoonji was surprised to find herself staring into namjoo’s hooded
eyes. that expression -

she had only seen that once before in her eyes and the scene flashed back inside yoonji’s mind -
namjoo, drunk and soft, lying in her bed and asking yoonji if she was straight, thighs clenching
tight.

yoonji swallowed, harsh and forceful. “oh,” she said.

“yeah,” namjoo said, soft as a whisper. for just a second, her eyes slipped down to yoonji’s lips and
then they were back, intense and staring right into yoonji’s eyes, as if challenging her to back out.
“oh,” she repeated.

another pause - this one tense, the air vibrating with the tension.

“unnie,” namjoo said quietly and yoonji wanted to wrap herself in the word. from namjoo’s mouth,
it was her kryptonite and her holy water, it was what kept her alive and what caused her heart to
stop completely. “do you want to see me fuck myself?”

fuck.

“so bad.”

fuck it all to hell.

namjoo breathed out softly, mouth open in a soft gape and cheeks flaming red. “you can’t just say
that,” she complained and yoonji giggled.

yoonji felt a little better knowing that namjoo was just as flustered as she was. she shifted closer on
her knees, till she was so close to namjoo that she could feel the heat from her body. “do you want
to show unnie how you fuck yourself, honey?”

namjoo looked just as shocked as yoonji felt at the words. she didn’t know where the confidence
was coming from (her horny, lizard brain, most likely), but she was enjoying it. there was
something deeply satisfying about seeing namjoo’s pretty face, shocked and pleased in equal
measure.

“oh my god,” namjoo said softly, before scrambling up to sift through her bedside drawer. yoonji
watched in confusion till namjoo pulled out a cactus vibe - this one bright pink.

before yoonji could question it, or even blink, namjoo had ripped the towel off her body and settled
back comfortably into the cushions.

it wasn’t that yoonji had never seen namjoo naked before, because she had, they had both seen
each other naked multiple times. but they were all brief moments with carefully averted eyes that
never strayed too far.

and this -

namjoo was spread on the bed like a five-course meal, all for yoonji’s eyes to feast on.

she was golden where she lay against the pillows, chest rising and falling rapidly. yoonji eyed the
way namjoo’s nipples were peaked, and she suddenly wanted to bite down more than anything she
had ever wanted before.

whenever she had looked at namjoo’s tits before, she had reasoned that she looked at them so
much because she was envious of how big they were. but staring at them in that moment, heavy
and soft and so, so fucking close, yoonji found it in herself to admit that maybe she just wanted her
mouth on them all along.

“unnie,” namjoo said again, voice a little higher than usual.

and that was all the warning that yoonji received before namjoo was spreading her legs like it was
no big deal.

yoonji’s first thought was, so that’s what another woman’s pussy looks like.

namjoo’s skin was darker between her legs, and shiny with juices. yoonji leaned forward
unconsciously, desperately wanting to taste .

“namjoo,” she whispered into the night, “you’re fucking beautiful.”

namjoo ducked her head down shyly. “thank you, unnie,” she said, grabbing the cactus vibrator
from beside her and bringing it to yoonji’s attention. “so, um, i’m extremely sensitive. like, really,
really sensitive. so i usually start with the lowest settings,” she explained, her thumb nudging the
button on the side of the toy and bringing it to life, “and gradually make my way to a higher
intensity.”

yoonji was baffled by that. she hadn’t even felt the lowest setting, it was that weak. but like a good
student, she nodded and listened.

“and then i just,” continued namjoo.

when namjoo brought the toy down to her pussy, yoonji felt the touch between her own legs.

true to her words, namjoo was so sensitive that the first touch of the vibrator to her clit had her legs
shutting closed reflexively. she gasped softly, eyes screwing shut and her head thrown back. yoonji
wanted to put her hands on namjoo’s legs and spread them apart again.
“holy shit,” yoonji said and she clenched her thighs together, looking for a little relief to the
pressure building between her own legs.

“and then i - hah, oh my - i just, i press it on my clit,” namjoo nearly whined, already so affected by
the toy. “i tease myself for a bit, l-let the pleasure build up.”

“namjoo, can i touch myself?” yoonji asked desperately and namjoo’s eyes flew open. “please?”

namjoo pushed herself up on the bed, nodding her head rapidly. “w-wanna see you too,” she said.

yoonji nodded, taking her baggy tee off and throwing it off to the side somewhere. her pants
followed quickly, until all she was left in was her lingerie.

“fuck, unnie,” namjoo said, eyes wide and awestruck. “you’re so-”

“so what?” yoonji questioned, kneeling on the bed and dragging herself closer until she was
practically between namjoo’s legs.

namjoo made a sound in the back of her throat, pushing the toy harder against herself as the
vibrations increased. “so fucking gorgeous,” she answered, panting.

yoonji pulled her panties to the side, too horny to take them off, and spread her legs. “not more
than you, honey,” she said, sticking her middle and index finger in her mouth. she sucked on her
fingers slowly, getting them coated in her saliva, before she brought them to her clit. her mouth fell
open in relief, a soft sigh escaping her lips as she finally touched her throbbing core.

she circled her clit with her fingers as she watched namjoo move the vibrator in circular motions
around her own clit. her cunt was pink and glistening, and yoonji had never thought about going
down on a girl before, but in that moment, all she wanted was to eat namjoo out till the other girl
was shivering with overstimulation.

she wanted namjoo’s thick thighs around her head, pulling her in and keeping her in place as she
fucked her tongue into her pussy, mouth wet with her juices and drool.

“fuck, i love your eyes on me,” namjoo confessed, voice edged into a whine. she pushed the vibe
down till it was between her lips, vibrating right against her hole. her back arched on its own, the
feeling too overwhelming. “ah! ah, fuck. unnie, p-please let me put it in,” she said suddenly,
begging. “can i put it in? ple-please!”

yoonji nearly came at the question, having to stop her fingers against herself to stave herself off.
she had never heard anything as erotic before.

“yes, baby,” yoonji breathed. “you can put it in.”

“thank you, thank you,” namjoo said, completely out of it as she pushed the thicker end of the
vibrator inside her cunt, leaving the smaller one vibrating against her clit. “oh, it’s so good, god .”

“oh honey, you’re so sensitive,” yoonji said, leaning forward to push a finger inside herself, one
hand on namjoo’s inner thigh to keep herself balanced. “so desperate you can’t even think.”

yoonji was distantly aware that this was one too many endearments away from a casual,
educational experience, but she felt drunk on the sight of namjoo moaning and writhing in pleasure.
it was too intense, too much.

it was so close to what she had always imagined namjoo to look like in bed, but so, so much better.
yoonji pushed another finger inside herself, closing her eyes briefly at the stretch, still on her knees
and leaning forward - the hand that was keeping her balanced still dangerously close to where
namjoo was fucking herself with the vibrator.

“fuck, unnie, you look so good like this,” namjoo said.

yoonji opened her eyes to find herself being watched.

for once, it was a good feeling.

namjoo had her bottom lip tucked between her teeth, like it was the only thing keeping her from
stuttering out more compliments. the apples of her cheeks were coloured a mix of red and pink that
was a little too endearing for yoonji to truly be able to handle.

namjoo wasn’t thrusting the vibe in anymore, more so just grinding it deep inside herself. the
muscles of her thigh twitched with pleasure and yoonji wondered what they would feel like under
her tongue.

“l-look so good all the time,” namjoo confessed, keeping her eyes trained on yoonji fingering
herself as she fucked herself with the vibe. “pretty unnie.”

without a single thought, yoonji leaned forward - free hand cradling namjoo’s cheek and legs
spreading instinctively over namjoo’s thigh so she could get closer to her without losing her
balance.

“you’re making me lose my goddamn mind, namjoo-ah,” yoonji said, a confession of her own. she
pulled her fingers out of herself and rested her hand on the headboard behind namjoo.

namjoo moaned softly, so close to yoonji that her breath caressed yoonji’s lips. “m-more, unnie.
need more. wanna come, please.”

“what do you need, pretty baby?” yoonji asked.

namjoo closed her eyes, too shy to say the words. “more, please,” she begged and yoonji went a
little insane at the whine in her tone.

“okay, i-i’ll give you more. give you everything,” yoonji said, carefully thumbing at the warm skin
of namjoo’s cheek. “just tell me if it’s too much, okay?”

namjoo nodded and yoonji dived in.

when yoonji bit into the curve of namjoo’s neck like she had been longing to do since perhaps
2014, namjoo cursed and keened. taking it as a good sign, yoonji groaned softly in her throat and
sucked a pretty mark on namjoo’s pretty skin.

“s good, baby?” she mumbled against the heated skin, dragging her teeth over the tiny little bruise
on the side of her neck.

“so good,” namjoo said, voice fucked. “feels so good.”

yoonji hummed in satisfaction, pleased at making namjoo feel good even though her own pussy
was throbbing with need. she enjoyed it, enjoyed the need coursing through her veins, her skin
buzzing with pleasure in a way she had never felt before.

masturbation or sex had never been this good, this intense before.
yoonji bit and sucked another mark right in the middle of namjoo’s pretty collarbones. she had
always thought they would look lovely marked up and was happy to fulfill her own imagination.
she dropped her head lower, mouthing at one of namjoo’s pert, dark nipples, and gasped in pleasure
when namjoo’s thigh came up to push against her cunt.

she’d forgotten that she was essentially straddling namjoo, but now that she had experienced what
the lean muscles of namjoo’s thigh felt like against her pussy, she couldn’t stop herself from rutting
down.

she sucked a mark into the side of namjoo’s tit, drunk on how namjoo sounded underneath her. she
was sensitive everywhere and yoonji was getting wetter just hearing how close namjoo was to
cumming.

“unnie, you’re so - you’re so wet,” namjoo gasped out. “want you to grind on me. please?”

and how could yoonji say no when her sweet girl was asking so politely?

“whatever you want, honey,” she whispered. she moved to namjoo’s other nipple, rolling it
between her teeth and pulling lightly. namjoo hissed, her hands suddenly in yoonji’s hair, and
yoonji soothed the bite with her tongue - distantly realising that namjoo had discarded the cactus
vibe.

strong, lithe hands wrapped themselves around yoonji’s waist and then namjoo pulled her forward,
pushing her hips down till she was sitting on namjoo’s thigh. namjoo wrapped a hand around
yoonji’s thigh, pulling it foward.

“what?” yoonji questioned softly from between namjoo’s tits where she was sucking more pretty
marks, before she realised .

namjoo breathed out a shaky exhale, pushing yoonji’s thigh against her own pussy and grinding up
on it. her hands were back to yoonji’s hips and she guided her, helped yoonji move as well, both of
them moving against each other till they were shivering with pleasure.

“o-oh my god,” yoonji moaned, too mindless to even leave love bites all over namjoo anymore. she
leaned her forehead against namjoo’s, mouth wide open, eyes closed and just let herself feel.

how had she never felt this before?

“feels nice, unnie?” namjoo asked, sounding just as wrecked, and yoonji nodded, eyes still shut
tightly.

namjoo pressed her thigh harder into her pussy and yoonji whined - she never whined, never even
breathed too loud, she was always quiet, goddamnit. she moved her hips faster, felt namjoo pick up
the speed as well, both of them moaning quietly against each other.

“w-want more,” namjoo repeated again. “want more marks, unnie. wanna remember this.
remember how you look right now.”

that was all the permission that yoonji needed before she was back to sucking hickies into the side
of namjoo’s neck. she was quickly learning about her obsession with biting and leaving marks and
how good it felt to see evidence of herself on namjoo’s skin.

one of namjoo’s hands slipped off her hips and she reached underneath yoonji to finger herself.
yoonji watched namjoo moan as she hooked her fingers inside herself and felt herself hurtling
closer to an orgasm.
“fuck,” she breathed against namjoo’s tits. “c-close, so close.”

“cum for me, unnie,” namjoo said desperately, fucking her fingers inside herself as she continued
to grind against yoonji’s thigh. “wanna see you cum.”

yoonji’s body froze as her orgasm shook through her, her hips stuttered against namjoo’s thigh,
soaking it with slick, and her mouth fell open in a silent scream. she was sure she left scratches into
namjoo’s skin with how hard she was holding onto her, but she couldn’t help herself.

she had never experienced an orgasm like this.

she vaguely heard namjoo orgasm as well - all pretty, choked moans and hips that sped up instead
of slowing down as she rode the last waves of pleasure - but she didn’t remember much beyond
that. her ears were buzzing with electricity, her body tingling with the remnants of her orgasm, her
skin weirdly warm.

“fuck, that was good,” namjoo said, voice heavy and deep, and so, so sated.

“mm,” yoonji said mindlessly, too out of it to notice how her body was pressed so tight against
namjoo’s.

namjoo chuckled underneath her, wrapping her strong arms around yoonji and pulling her to lie
beside her in the bed. yoonji sighed contentedly, eyes still closed as she snuggled in.

she was sleepy.

well-fucked, and sleepy.

“ah, you’re so cute,” namjoo said softly, before pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek. “do you want
me to help you clean up, unnie?”

yoonji frowned in disapproval, which only earned her another fond kiss on her cheek. “sleep,” she
grumbled.

namjoo giggled - a lovely sound, really - and pulled a blanket on top of yoonji. she moved as if to
leave, and yoonji quickly wrapped a hand around her wrist.

eyes still closed, she grumbled again, a little more coherent, “sleep.”

“but…” namjoo started and paused. a sigh, and then she was shuffling underneath the blankets as
well, wrapping her arms around yoonji’s waist just like before and pulling her in till they were
snuggled against each other. “we’re getting cum all over each other and the blankets.”

“mm,” yoonji agreed sleepily and pressed a kiss to namjoo’s throat, where she was tucked safe and
sound. “sleep.”

namjoo’s throat vibrated with the happy, fond sound she made. “okay, unnie. sleep. sweet dreams.”

yoonji groaned as she stretched awake, feeling her thighs burn with exertion and finding her body
pleasantly sore.

she froze, the arms around her tummy reminding her of why she was in namjoo’s room.

she swallowed nervously, slowly turning her head to find namjoo sleeping behind her, snoring
softly. she extracted herself out of the embrace as quietly as she could, not wanting to accidentally
wake the other girl up.

her body felt tacky with sweat and other bodily fluid, and she scrunched her nose to find that she
hadn’t even pulled her panties back in their place.

she looked back at namjoo - at how cute she looked with her cheek squished against the pillow, at
how pretty she looked like this, naked and wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket.

her heart ached with a yearning and she found herself wanting to get back in bed again.

no, she thought to herself strictly and forced her feet to move. she walked back into her room, not
bothering to pick up her clothes from namjoo’s floor, and locked herself in.

whatever had happened the other night had just been an educational experience. namjoo had said
so herself. namjoo was teaching her how to make herself cum and it was okay if she hadn’t learnt
shit about masturbation, at least she got to have her first, actual orgasm ever.

at the age of twenty four.

should i text soobin? she caught herself thinking.

she just needed to fuck out her weird, jumbled emotions. with a boy.

she needed a boy.

something oddly like nausea twisted inside her stomach and yoonji hit her head against the door,
just to make her brain quiet down.

she was tired. so fucking tired.

*
 A Lesson in Love
Chapter Notes

trigger warning: discussion of internalized homophobia, denial, brief mention of

shitty families and sexuality crisis.

please note that the entire section where yoonji and namjoo sit down and talk (starts
with “can you start?” she asked, softly.") deals with a lot of heavy and sensitive topics
such as homophobia, transphobia, attempted suicide, suicide ideation, forcing oneself
to have sex and self-hatred. please skip this whole section to avoid these!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

against all rhyme or reason, yoonji decided to walk.

seoul was still shrouded in a darkness tinted with blue, the sun barely peeking out in the early
morning hours. the air had a slight chill to it, a feeling that yoonji usually enjoyed, but nothing felt
good anymore. she had a sneaking suspicion that nothing might ever feel good again if she didn't
make the right choices in her near future.

she was sure that she looked like a person crazed - roaming the streets of seoul at 4 a.m. in her
slippers and jammies. her hair looked like a bird's nest, but perhaps less organized. she was still
dressed in her maroon lingerie set underneath her pyjamas, and her underwear felt tacky and the
worst incarnation of the word moist against her skin.

her white, bunny slippers were already coated in dirt - the ones that she had bought years ago from
dongdaemun night market with namjoo.

had it been four years already?

almost.

the memory was still so fresh in her mind, it almost felt like it had happened just yesterday.

she remembered shifting restlessly in her bed, remembered feeling frustrated because her bones
were so heavy inside her skin and sleep seemed so far away. namjoo had walked into her room at
midnight, dressed in her jammies and a thick, padded coat.

"let's go to the night market, unnie," she had said, and yoonji, a hopeless fool since the day she met
namjoo, followed.

she wondered if namjoo remembered that night. wondered if namjoo would ever understand how
much that night meant to yoonji and how she had tipped yoonji's entire world on its head just by
existing. just by being there when yoonji herself hadn't realised that she needed someone.

she wondered if namjoo understood how much she meant to yoonji.

immediately shutting down that particular avenue of thoughts, yoonji quickened her footsteps until
she was standing in front of a very familiar doorway.
when jin opened the door of his apartment, disgruntled and puffy-eyed, the first thing yoonji said
was, “kick out hoseok.”

a friendship longer than hoseok and jin’s entire relationship meant that jin only had to raise an
eyebrow at hoseok, who was getting ready to leave for work anyway, before the other man was
huffing in defeat and walking out of his apartment.

“sorry, babe,” jin said and blew a consolation kiss in hoseok’s direction, who caught it even though
he was busy struggling to quickly put his shoes on. “you know what they say. besties before
testes.”

hoseok rolled his eyes. “literally no one says that apart from you,” he said. “call me when you guys
are done. i want all the details.”

"no, this is a private conversation," yoonji interrupted.

"yes, it's a private conversation, but damn yoonji, you know i'm gonna tell hoseok everything," jin
said, ushering her in and waving at hoseok. “love you!”

“love you too, hoe!”

“ugh,” jin said, face twisted in distaste and words coated in fondness. “men,” he said, gagging.

yoonji made a sound of agreement from where she was flung out dramatically on jin’s favourite
leather couch. the watermark on the ceiling that was shaped like a horse seemed bigger than
before, but still very much horse-like. she imagined that the next time she would visit, it would
transform into a bull.

“why do you smell like sex?” jin asked as he walked out of the kitchen, gently placing a glass of
water on the floor next to yoonji. he seated himself on the ground, legs crossed, and in yoonji’s
reach in case an emergency awkward pat on the arm was required.

because i forgot to shower because i’m having a crisis, yoonji thought.

“oppa, why do you always-” she started, freezing halfway, not sure how to say the words without
incriminating herself. jin made a soft, encouraging sound and yoonji started anew. “why do you
always insist that i might not be straight?”

she saw jin stiffen out of her periphery, not strong enough to meet jin’s eyes just yet.

“this is not the type of conversation where i can say ‘because of the gay agenda,’ is it?” jin
questioned softly and it only made the ball of anxiety inside yoonji’s stomach coil tighter. there
was a pause, like jin actually expected an answer, before he sighed. “yoonji, i don’t know if you’re
ready for this conversation yet.”

“namjoo and i had sex last night,” she admitted. her eyes felt heated, her heart heavy and flighty
inside her chest. “she was gonna - a-and then we- we-”

“oh, yoonji,” jin breathed out, soft and heartbreaking.

yoonji flushed, not sure what to do with the sorrow and pity lining those two simple words, not
sure what to do with her own heart sinking like an anchor to the bottom of her stomach.

“i…” she swallowed, then again and again and again, and still found herself unable to say
anything. her throat felt tight and sore. “why? why did you insist?”
jin shrugged, looked away and then looked back at yoonji. “yoonie,” he said, scratching
awkwardly at the floor. “please don’t take this the wrong way, but you’ve had meaningless sex
before. why is this any different?”

yoonji stared at jin, dumbfounded. “oppa, i had sex with namjoo.”

“are you introspecting because you had sex with a girl or because you had sex with your best
friend?” jin asked. his words were cutting, to the point, but his face remained sympathetic. “or is it
because it’s namjoo?”

yoonji swallowed a mouthful of breath, the air shivering down her sore throat and settling like a
fire inside her lungs. her thoughts, already a mess of words she couldn’t keep a track of, fumbled
and grappled with the insinuation behind jin’s words.

“because...this doesn’t have to be deeper than what it is,” jin said, frowning like his own words left
a bad taste in his mouth. “people experiment. doesn’t have to mean that you’re not straight.”

yoonji released the breath she had been holding.

the easy solution would be to accept the excuse jin was hand-writing for her, to take the words he
was etching into her mind and rewrite them for namjoo. claim it was an experiment in her sexual
journey and nothing more.

nothing more.

yoonji thought back to the night before, the way she had felt at the sight of namjoo naked and
willing. thought back to the sounds she made, the gentle way she smiled when something felt really
good, the flush on her cheeks.

she thought back to waking up in namjoo’s arms, warm and content. loved.

“yeah, but that would be a lie, wouldn’t it?” yoonji questioned softly. fear, icy and prickly, tumbled
through her veins at her own admission. the words felt heavy - full of meaning, full of potential.
they terrified yoonji even as she said them out loud. “it would be a lie for me.”

“oh yoonjiah,” jin said, dragging himself forward and wrapping his hands around yoonji’s.

yoonji festered in her own thoughts and words for a moment. she wasn’t completely oblivious to
her own mind. she knew, had an inkling of what she liked, what she wanted. but it was hard putting
it into a single sentence, harder still to not store it in a safe and throw it away. it was hard to accept.

“i always suspected,” jin finally said and he sounded just as sad as she felt. “you were always so
quiet, even when we started to become better friends, you were always so picky about when you
wanted to talk. but then you met that senior of ours, wheein, and you were - you were so animated.
you never talked to me about your boyfriends, but you talked about her constantly. and when you
talked about her, you were - you would radiate happiness.”

yoonji remembered wheein - couldn’t forget her. with her pretty long hair and her pretty long legs
and her big, smart brain. she had idol-worshipped her. and that’s how she had always explained her
love for wheein - that she was just envious of her senior. that she just wished she was as beautiful,
as clever, as talented as her.

“i thought maybe you really were just envious of her but then namjoo came around,” jin admitted
and yoonji wanted to wrap herself in something so jin wouldn’t see how hot her skin suddenly was.
“namjoo...she’s always been special to you, hasn’t she?”
yoonji’s throat felt tight and she wanted to yell and scream and sob. “i-i’m not in denial,” she said.

jin tangled their fingers together, giving her a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

“i don’t have shitty parents and i know its okay to like girls,” yoonji insisted. “i - i’m still so scared.
oppa, i’m terrified.”

she turned to look at jin, surprised to find him teary-eyed.

“why?” he questioned gently. “why are you scared?"

yoonji nearly sobbed at that. “b-because if i am - if - if i’m…” she couldn’t do it. couldn’t voice it.

jin gave her hands another reassuring squeeze. “you can say it, yoonji. you’re in a safe place. i
promise this stays between you and me. i won't even tell hobi.”

“i - i can’t,” she admitted, tears prickling at her eyes. “i can’t say it. because if i do then - then i
have to admit so much more. it means that i have to say it to my parents. i have to admit it to them. i
have to - if i say it,” she breathed, “then it means everything i feel for namjoo is real as well. it
means that i have to - oppa, if namjoo became one of my failed relationships, if all this turns out to
be nothing, then i don’t think i’d be able to make it out in one piece.”

“yoonji, you don’t have to say it to anyone ,” jin said firmly. “you don’t even have to label yourself
as anything. you never came out to your parents or your friends as straight, and you sure as hell
don’t need to come out to anyone as-”

“please,” yoonji begged, tears dripping down her heated skin.

“-as anything,” jin finished. “you can just be you and do what feels right.”

“i can’t do that,” yoonji denied, slipping off the couch and in front of jin, grasping desperately to
his hands. “i can’t do that,” she repeated. “because namjoo feels right and i can’t do this to her. i
can’t have her be my dirty little secret. i can’t have her be my experiment.”

“tell her then,” jin said, running his hands up and down her arms to comfort her. she looked so
small and pale, smaller and paler than usual, and his heart hurt for her. “tell her about your fears,
yoonji. i promise you that she will understand, that she won’t demand for you to come out to
anyone. not until and unless you choose to do it. be honest with her and i promise you, things will
be much simpler than they seem right now.”

yoonji shook her head, staring at her hands and letting tears drip into her lap. “i don’t think i’m
strong enough,” she said.

jin wiped his own tears on the sleeve of his t-shirt and pulled her face up, cupping her cheeks
gently. “you are the bravest person i know, yoonji,” he said and tutted when she shook her head
again. “i don’t care what you think, but this? today? this took a lot of strength. i admire you for it.”

yoonji threw herself forward and jin caught her easily, embracing her shivering body to himself and
letting her cry in his neck.

“yoonji,” jin crooned softly in her hair, “this is step one of a long journey. namjoo knows that.
she’s been in your position before. just be honest with her, baby, and she will understand. you have
every right to be scared and to doubt yourself, but you’ll figure it out.”

just for a second, yoonji let herself believe jin’s words.

she sniffled, feeling a little numb. “oppa, i think i have internalized homophobia,” she said. “and
denial."

“it’s okay. you’ll be okay,” jin said through his own tears. “i’ll write you a prescription for it.”

hours and hours later, yoonji finally gathered herself enough to walk back home - a little bruised, a
lot battered.

she did a breathing exercise before she put the keys into the lock, readying herself to face namjoo
after the night before.

she had barely turned the key in the lock when the front door flung itself open and revealed
namjoo.

she looked pissed.

she was dressed in just a long sweatshirt and her hair was a mess. her eyes were rimmed in red and
her nose looked like it had been rubbed too many times.

“where the fuck were you?” she demanded as soon as she opened the door.

yoonji stepped back, alarmed. no matter how close they had become, namjoo always respected
yoonji as her elder and her senior. and they never fought.

“do you know how many times i called you?” she yelled, dragging yoonji in by the wrists and
banging the door shut behind them. yoonji stood in the entryway, stunned. “i get it. you fucked a
girl and you’re freaking out now. you get to freak out. you don’t fucking get to ghost me!”

“i…” what could she possibly say?

“do you have any idea how worried i was?” namjoo continued shouting, eyes tearing up and voice
thick with emotion. “i thought - i thought you had a gay crisis and then you - then you - i imagined
all the bad things that could happen to you and i called you and called you and called you!” tears
trickled down her cheeks and yoonji helplessly watched. “why didn’t you pick up?” she demanded.

that, at least, was a question that yoonji could answer. “i left my phone at home,” she said, feeling
stupid. “i didn’t think...sorry.”

namjoo huffed, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes in frustration. she wiped her face with
her sleeves almost aggressively. “great,” she mumbled, walking inside and grabbing her keys and
wallet. “perfect,” she seethed, walking back to the entryway and stuffing her feet into the first pair
of shoes she set her eyes on.

“namjoo,” yoonji said weakly but namjoo just shook her head.

“i can’t do this right now,” she said, her words trembling with the tears on her cheeks. “i can’t. i
thought you were...i was so worried and you were probably just at fucking jin oppa’s, eating
chicken wings or some shit.”

“namjoo, wait,” yoonji insisted, finally forcing herself to fucking work. she stepped closer to
namjoo, grabbing hold of one of her sleeves hesitantly. “i’m really sorry. i really, really am,” she
insisted when namjoo only scoffed. “can we talk?”
“i don’t think i can right now,” namjoo said, an angry flush high on her cheeks. “i’m so mad at
you, i can’t talk.”

“then we won’t talk,” yoonji agreed readily. she just wanted namjoo close to her. she didn’t want
her to leave the house angry. “we’ll just...watch tv?” she suggested. “and we can eat ramen. unnie
will make it for you.”

“unnie, i…” namjoo sighed.

“please. please, just do this one thing for me,” yoonji begged, feeling pathetic, she pitied herself
because she was so fucking pathetic.

namjoo sighed again before shrugging and taking her shoes off again. “okay.”

“thank you,” yoonji said, forcing a small smile onto her face. namjoo didn’t smile back. it stung
somehow and yoonji hated how she was already messing everything up with namjoo. “and i’m
sorry.”

a third sigh.

namjoo walked into the apartment without looking at yoonji, flinging her keys and her wallet
somewhere on the coffee table. she settled on the couch and pressed her fingers into her forehead,
sniffling.

yoonji didn’t know how to fix this.

so she made ramen.

namjoo loved ramen. she would eat it dry with the seasoning on it, that’s how much she loved it.

yoonji made instant ramen like it was a gourmet meal. she actually measured everything correctly
before pouring it into the pot, she did everything with care and love. she even prepared egg garnish
because she didn’t know how to fix the situation, but she did know how to make fantastic fucking
ramen.

she was so engaged in the task, that she didn’t hear namjoo move.

not until namjoo already had her arms wrapped around her middle, her forehead pressed to the back
of yoonji’s neck.

yoonji froze. “namu?” she questioned softly. her fingers found namjoo’s and she caressed them
slowly, too scared to make any sudden move.

“i’m sorry i yelled at you,” namjoo said into her neck. tears trickled down the bridge of her nose
and down yoonji’s spine. “i felt horrible yelling at you. i’m sorry.”

“i’m sorry, too. i really, really am, namjoo-ah,” she said, turning the stove off and turning in
namjoo’s embrace to wrap her arms around the other girl securely. like she never wanted to let go.
“i - i freaked out, you were right.” a breath, and she whispered, “i’m scared.”

namjoo hugged her tighter to herself and nodded into her hair. “that’s okay. i expected that. this is
all new and i’m sure it’s scary, but i don’t want you to run away,” she said. “i want you to stay and
talk. to me, the person you fucked very, very well, not jin oppa.”

yoonji giggled, watery and teary. “you fucked me better,” she said, teasing. she was done with
crying and emotions, at least for the day. “orgasmed my brain out.”

namjoo hummed, quiet and pleased. they stayed like that for a while, arms wrapped around each
other and just breathing each other in, reassuring themselves that everything would be okay.

“i was so scared,” namjoo confessed after a while.

yoonji kissed her collarbone in comfort and laid her head back again against namjoo’s shoulder.

“i’m still scared,” yoonji replied.

namjoo squeezed her in her arms. “that’s okay. we’ll figure it out. just remember that whatever
happens, however this goes, i’ll always be your best friend.”

the ball of anxiety lodged into her sternum seemed to shrink at that, just a little bit of relief
streaking through. it was enough, for now, to know that no matter what, yoonji would always have
namjoo in some capacity.

“my best friend is jin,” she joked and namjoo ripped herself away from her with an offended gasp.

there was small, sweet smirk curved into the corner of her mouth, a single dimple poking out.
“that’s the last straw,” she teased back. her arms were still around yoonji’s waist. “i’m moving
back in with tae and jimin. i'd rather watch jimin desecrate my little sister's purity with her gross
little tongue than be disrespected this way.”

yoonji scoffed a little. "tae has no purity to be desecrated."

namjoo pulled yoonji in with a hand at the back of her head, till yoonji's cheek was pressed firmly
against namjoo's collarbone.

"shh," she said quietly. "let me believe what i want to believe."

nothing really changed.

the next day, yoonji had stepped out of her room after a night of tossing and turning to nervously
prepare breakfast for the two of them. she made kimchi fried rice from leftover rice and took her
usual seat at the breakfast table, waiting.

they usually had breakfast at 8am every morning, after which yoonji would return to her room
because most of her classes were online. namjoo would get dressed and head out for university.

breakfast was sacred to yoonji - not only because it sometimes ended up being her only meal of the
day, but also because a sleepy namjoo was one of her favourite namjoos.

unlike herself, namjoo never really struggled to get out of the bed in the morning. but it did take her
an exceptionally long time to truly wake up. early morning namjoo was like a bear right after
hybernation - incredibly fluffy, steps fumbling and absolutely adorable. it warmed yoonji’s heart
when namjoo stumbled into the kitchen every morning, not quite awake, lips pouty and slurred out
a “mornin’ unnie.”

just the sound of her husky voice fumbling over those two simple words made yoonji want to carve
a special place inside of herself to keep namjoo safe in.

but that day, the anticipation of a sweet, baby namjoo stumbling into the kitchen was thwarted by
the butterflies - no, crows inside yoonji’s belly. she felt so anxious and stressed about how
awkward the tension between them was going to be.

swallowing down the fear clawing at the inside of her throat, yoonji fixed the plates on the table
again, repositioning them just to have something to do with her shaky hands.

the sound of shuffling footsteps made her pause in the middle of her ministrations and she settled
her face into her usual smile.

namjoo stepped into the kitchen and dropped into her seat with her eyes still closed and her nose
scrunched adorably. yoonji’s smile stretched a little wider at that, a little more genuine.

“mornin’ unnie,” namjoo mumbled, mouth pouty and begging for kisses.

the monster inside yoonji’s chest, the one whispering about all the ways in which she had fucked
up in the last few days, quietened and laid its head to rest.

nothing had changed.

yoonji hadn’t ruined their relationship forever by being a horny piece of shit.

“morning, namie,” yoonji responded, repressing the urge to jump over the table and squish her best
friend. “did you brush your teeth?”

she nodded, a little sulky twist to her lips. “‘course I did,” she said. a moment later, she opened a
single eye, squinting at the bright light. “you made fried rice?” she asked softly.

yoonji hummed, spooning a bite into her mouth to keep herself occupied. she looked intently at her
nails as she mumbled, “i, um, wanted to do something nice for you.”

namjoo finally opened both her eyes, and grinned. “unnie, you are always nice to me. you don’t
owe me anything because of the recent...events,” she said, not a shade of awkwardness colouring
her words. she reached out across the table, wrapped her fingers firmly around yoonji’s and waited
to speak until yoonji met her gaze. “thank you for the breakfast, but you don’t have to walk on
eggshells here. nothing has changed. it’s still you and me.”

yoonji felt her cheeks colour at that and her mind clung to the words.

you and me. you and me. you and me.

yoonji nodded, and they continued as if namjoo wasn’t eating breakfast with a necklace of yoonji’s
hickies around her neck.

nothing changed, but yoonji found herself viewing the world with different eyes.

it was their tradition to end their tuesdays with a horror movie in their small living room. they both
had tough classes on that day and nothing felt better than watching dumb hollywood horror movies
with the curtains drawn at the end of the day. when they settled on the couch with a box of pizza
and bottles of soju, it took yoonji more than half an hour to truly clock into their positions on the
couch.

namjoo was stretched along the back of couch, her arms and legs wrapped around yoonji. yoonji
herself had an arm twisted behind her and her hand was - holy god in heaven, yoonji’s hand was
inside the back pocket of namjoo’s skinny jeans.

they were spooning. yoonji was basically using namjoo’s ass like a stress ball.

and they had been doing this for years.

when did it start? how had she never noticed?

before yoonji could start freaking out, namjoo was pulling her closer and sighing into her neck.
“why are you so tense?” she mumbled into her neck, rubbing her hands up and down yoonji’s side.
“are you scared?”

am i scared? yoonji questioned herself. she looked inside herself, trying to find her unknown fear
and panic from their night together, but it was nowhere to be found.

there was only an overwhelming sense of rightness.

yoonji shook her head and settled deeper into namjoo’s embrace. “just cold,” she said.

some days, they would be quietly eating breakfast together and yoonji would find herself pausing
and asking herself, "did namjoo always stare at my mouth this much?"

she didn't have the answer - and maybe, one day, she could ask namjoo about it - but she made sure
to give namjoo a show every morning. she didn't like sweet breakfasts, but suddenly, there was no
better breakfast than a fluffy pancake overridden with syrup.

sticky, melty, gooey syrup that she could lick off her fork, her fingers, her lips.

something about the little droplet of drool at the corner of namjoo's lips as she watched yoonji suck
on her fingers satisfied something carnal inside her, introduced yoonji to the little animalistic side
of herself she hadn't ever known before.

there were other things, bigger things, that yoonji noticed about herself.

she noticed her heart, weighing heavy and overcrowded with portraits of namjoo. it was startling to
realise how many little moments and snapshots she had captured over the years, not understanding
her own desperation to hold onto them forever.

but she understood it a little better now.

sometimes, she caught herself looking at namjoo and thinking, i can see a forever between us.

you and me, she thought to herself, watching namjoo staring intently at the wall, lost in thought.

you and me, she thought with a smile, not even an increment of fear inside herself. we are forever.

somehow, yoonji found herself stuck in a straight man’s wet dream.

or maybe her own wet dream.

she pinched herself and decided that no, she was definitely awake and namjoo was definitely
getting to the third base with an orange popsicle right in front of her eyes.

namjoo made a panicked sound in her throat as she stuck most of the dripping popsicle into her
mouth, trying to eat it before it melted. drops of sticky, syrupy goodness pooled between namjoo’s
lips before dripping down her jaw.

yoonji watched in awe as the orange tinted droplets rolled down the golden skin of namjoo’s neck,
over the yellowing bruises left behind by yoonji’s very own mouth and then settled into the curves
of namjoo’s pretty collarbones.

yoonji licked her lips, and in the safe confines of her own mind, she imagined walking to the other
side of the kitchen counter and feeding the popsicle to namjoo out of her own mouth. maybe
licking and sucking till the yellowing bruises were a pretty red again. maybe yoonji could slide the
popsicle out from between namjoo’s plump, slick lips and slide it down her neck until she was
shivering in her hold.

“mm,” namjoo moaned softly, eyes closing briefly before she was staring right at yoonji’s gaping
mouth. “fuck, so good,” she said in a sultry voice, licking the popsicle stick clean.

yoonji’s throat clicked when she swallowed. “y-you!” she said indignantly, pointing at a smirking
namjoo in accusation. “you did that intentionally!”

“you can dish it but can’t take it, huh, unnie?” namjoo asked with a giggle. she dipped a finger in
the syrup pooled in her right collarbone and sucked the finger straight into her mouth.

arousal burnt at the bottom of her stomach, along with embarrassment. it was embarrassing that
namjoo had known all along what she had been doing with her sweet breakfasts routine.

“oh, you’re going to regret this, namjoo,” yoonji promised. “you know how i am with games-”

“not above cheating?” namjoo interrupted to tease.

“-i play to win,” yoonji said, eyes narrowed.

namjoo leaned closer, her sweet, cool breath blowing against yoonji’s chapped lips. she smirked.

“so do i, unnie .”

which was how yoonji found herself playing in the hardest game of gay chicken of all time.

yoonji waited a few days before making her move, enjoying the slightly anticipatory but mostly
scared expression on namjoo’s face every time she walked out of her room for breakfast. yoonji
lulled namjoo into a false sense of security before executing her first attack.

“you’re not playing fair, unnie,” namjoo said, voice strained and eyes wide.

yoonji pouted, tilting her head to the side in feigned confusion. “i’m not playing, namu,” she
whined. “i just had a little accident.”

the “accident” had left yoonji on top of the kitchen table (coincidentally right in front namjoo), her
glass of water on the floor and the water soaking her white, worn tee until it was completely see-
through. to make matters worse (for namjoo), yoonji had also completely forgotten to wear a bra
that morning.

namjoo sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, struggling to draw her gaze away from yoonji’s chest
where her tiny, pink nipples were pebbled and ready to be bitten. “ unnie,” namjoo said, a plea in
caught in her throat.
yoonji jumped down from the table to stand between namjoo’s legs, close enough that yoonji
didn’t have to strain to hear the stuttered breath that left namjoo’s lips. namjoo’s hands found their
place at yoonji’s hips automatically and yoonji nearly preened at how pleased that made her feel.

yoonji pulled her shirt away from her body and wrung it to squeeze the water out. namjoo’s eyes
flickered down to her pale belly and she watched, entranced, as yoonji squeezed the t-shirt hard
enough for the water to drip down the front of her sleep shorts, leaving her thighs wet and her
cotton shorts clinging to her in the most indecent way possible.

“oh my god,” namjoo had said, fingers squeezing hard into the skin of yoonji’s hips.

“oh,” yoonji said, eyes wide with false innocence. “i got the floor all wet. let me clean that up.”

namjoo was out of her chair and out of the house before yoonji could even bend down between her
legs, leaving yoonji laughing and laughing and laughing.

she felt powerful - not only because she had nearly given namjoo a heart attack with her own
shamelessness, but also at the effect she seemed to have on the other girl. it was nice to feel so
seen, so desired.

however, it wasn’t as funny or empowering to be on the other side of things.

“ah, unnie,” namjoo’s moan resounded inside yoonji’s skull, reverberating against the walls until it
was all yoonji could hear. “unnie, unnie, please.”

yoonji glared at the ceiling with unrestrained anger - no, not anger - horny fury.

to be fair, yoonji was aware that she could simply don her noise canceling headphones and play
whale noises to fill the space inside her head with sleepiness instead but, but-

she sounds so fucking gorgeous, she thought angrily.

with a huff, she turned to her side, glaring at the wall separating her from namjoo instead for a
change of scenery.

“so close, please,” namjoo moaned breathily, whining as the whir of her vibrator became louder.

i’m not gonna masturbate. i’m not gonna masturbate, yoonji chanted in her head because she
played to win, goddamn it. namjoo’s filthy mouth was not going to be her failure.

although, she thought to herself, stomach clenching in lust, namjoo does have a mouth worth losing
for. fuck, her lips .

“hah, yoonji unnie, please,” namjoo pleaded.

yoonji decided it wasn’t losing if namjoo never found out.

the next morning, namjoo walked out of her room wide awake, an air of smugness surrounding her
every move.

“good morning, unnie,” she said with teasing smirk. “slept well?”

it’s not losing if she doesn’t know, yoonji reminded herself and smiled back at namjoo. “yup!” she
said, panicking just a little when namjoo walked impossibly close to her. “excellent!”
“mm,” namjoo said softly, eyeing her like she wanted to eat her whole. “you know, i had the
hardest time cumming yesterday,” she said casually and yoonji nearly choked. “i’m usually too
sensitive to last longer than ten minutes, but yesterday...i think i needed something more.”

“l-like what?” yoonji couldn’t resist asking.

“think i needed you, yoonie unnie,” namjoo said, a little too earnest to be teasing.

yoonji swallowed drily. “i guess, um, sorry? that i couldn’t be there for you?” she said nervously,
causing namjoo to throw her head back and laugh.

“oh but you were there for me,” she said, and yoonji wondered how she had never noticed the glint
of pure evil in namjoo’s eyes before. namjoo stepped closer until they were pressed close together,
her fingers teasing at the waistband of yoonji’s sleep shorts and making her gasp. namjoo leaned
closer and pressed a soft kiss beneath yoonji’s ear, before softly mumbling into her skin, “because
you’re not nearly as quiet as you think you are.”

yoonji might have whined, and namjoo stepped away again, cheeks red and extremely self-
satisfied.

“so what’s for breakfast?”

when yoonji walked into jungkook’s dorm, the boy’s eyes widened in alarm and he quickly shut
his laptop. he tucked his hands between his knees and smiled at yoonji with a truly astounding
amount of fake innocence.

“kookie, you honestly worry me,” she said, placing a bag of food next to his closed laptop.

“you don’t have to be concerned, noona,” jungkook said with a grin and yoonji rolled her eyes.
“just remember, my laptop gets buried with me. as for what to do with the rest of my stuff, it’s in
my will.”

yoonji paused. “why the fuck do you have a will?” she asked, genuine horror and surprise coating
her words. “you’re like, 19.”

“i’m 20,” jungkook corrected and grabbed a pair of chopsticks from the bag, “thank you for the
food! i will love you till the end of my days.”

“which you seem to be expecting very soon,” yoonji commented. “where’s jin?”

“that’s jin oppa for you, you disrespectful little piece of shit,” jin commented as he entered the
open door, shirt buttoned all wrong and a disheveled hoseok entering right behind him. yoonji and
jungkook stared at them, unamused. “what,” jin demanded, settling on the floor next to jungkook’s
single bed.

“did you really just fuck in the parking lot? again?” jungkook asked, deadpan.

“how could even ask me that?” jin demanded, ears turning red. “i am seven years older than you. i
basically birthed you myself-”

“gross,” all three of them protested.

“-the least you can do is offer me a shred of your love and respect,” jin continued, unaffected. “for
you to ask me, your older brother who has only given you unconditional love and support all your
life, if i had fucked my boyfriend in the parking lot, is not only a slight to my name, but also to
hoseok’s! who also, by the way, has only given you-”

“so you went at it multiple times, huh?” yoonji questioned and hoseok grinned.

“i also rimmed him till his ass went numb,” hoseok confirmed, leaving his boyfriend sputtering to
a halt.

“you disgust me.”

“homophobic,” hoseok stated, grabbing himself a disposable plate.

“ooh,” yoonji exclaimed happily, quickly grabbing for her phone, “that reminds me.”

namibear

me:

what do you think of unnie’s new necklace baby?

namie**

sorry :/ autocorrect

11:20 a.m.

namibear:

ashdkkahjdf

im in CLASS

11:20 a.m.

me:

but what does that have to do with my necklace?

11:21 a.m.

namibear:
i hate you

you are the reason i have carpal tunnel

11:21 a.m.

yoonji smirked to herself, pleased.

“homophobia reminded you to send nudes to your boyfriend?” hoseok questioned, peeking at her
phone over her shoulder. “peak straight person behaviour.”

“you have a new boyfriend?” jungkook questioned, raising a brow.

yoonji panicked, turning her wide eyes to seokjin, who suddenly looked very displeased and was
staring at her with his mouth pursed in disapproval.

“no, i, um,” she stuttered, pocketing her phone.

“but i thought you and namjoo noona were dating?” jungkook powered on, causing yoonji to choke
on her spit.

“what?” she nearly yelled. “what makes you think that?”

jungkook cowered at her tone, shrugging his shoulders. “the other day, when we were hanging out,
she nearly gave you a lap dance right in front of me.”

yoonji remembered that day.

she had played dirty in the morning - walking around their apartment in just her lingerie,
incidentally the same pair that she had worn on The Night - and namjoo had decided to pay back in
kind by giving her a very public, very sexy lap dance.

“kookie,” hoseok said plaintively, “she’s straight.”

“she is?” he asked, shocked. he turned to a red-faced yoonji. “you are?”

hoseok snorted in amusement. “where have you been all these years? i literally just said ‘peak
straight person behaviour’ to her.”

“yeah, but i thought we were joking! why would a straight person be in an exclusively lgbtq friend
group?” jungkook said, genuinely confused.

it was yoonji’s turn to be confused now. “exclusively?” she asked. “wait, aren’t you straight too?”

jungkook actually gagged at that. “fuck no! i’m bi. i thought you were too!”

yoonji’s tongue went dry. “i, uh…”

“yoonji, can i speak to you?” jin asked suddenly, getting up and dusting the seat of his pants.
“privately?”

shamefaced, yoonji nodded slowly and followed jin outside.

in the hallway, jin stood with his arms crossed across his chest and yoonji was reminded just how
stark the difference in their height was. it wasn’t that jin appeared larger than usual, but faced by
the look of disapproval on his face, yoonji suddenly felt small.
“i don’t have a boyfriend,” she said. “and even if i did, you don’t get to yell at me about it.”

“i wasn’t going to yell anyway,” jin said, voice strained.

“but you want to.”

jin sighed, leaning against the wall beside yoonji. “but i want to,” he agreed.

yoonji stared at her shoes, unsure why jin was mad, unsure why she felt so guilty.

“yoonji,” jin started, and yoonji recognized the tone of voice - the ‘i hate being uncool but you’re
forcing me to be big brother jin right now’ tone. she hated that tone. “i told you that i would
support you no matter what your decision was, and i still mean that. but i really hope that you won’t
make the same mistakes that i did.”

yoonji turned to face jin, shaking her head desperately to make him understand.

jin hadn’t had it easy. his parents were extremely conservative and had gone to extreme lengths to
‘turn’ seokjin into a straight man. jin had rebelled against them and made some decisions that
haunted him to this day.

he didn’t like talking about the past, but it was evident how much of a scar it had left on him. the
only reason yoonji even knew about it was because she had gotten him drunk as a present for
graduating and he had cried to her about all the pain he still kept trapped inside of his heart.

“i’m not - oppa, i promise i’m not doing anything you have to worry about,” she insisted. jin
nodded at her, but continued looking unconvinced. with a sigh, yoonji pulled out her phone again
and pushed it towards jin. “take a look for yourself.”

jin frowned, but took the phone in his hands. he raised a brow at her and yoonji rolled her eyes.

“don’t pretend like you don’t know my password,” she said and jin quickly dropped all pretence,
typing in the numbers to unlock her phone with practiced ease.

when jin’s eyes widened in surprise, yoonji felt her cheeks heat up. she quickly snatched the phone
back and put it away.

“see? nothing to worry about,” she said, trying to finish the conversation so they could return to
their food and safer territories.

yoonji had expected teasing and ribbing, but jin still remained somber.

“are you guys dating?” he asked.

heart pounding, yoonji shook her head.

“did you talk about that night? about how you felt?”

yoonji shrugged, embarrassed. “we talked about some of it. i told her i was scared and she said that
there was nothing to be worried about. that we could go at my pace,” she said.

“so you’re, what, fuckbuddies now?” jin asked, tone neutral.

“no, no, we’re just…” she waved her hands in front of her, wishing for better words to come to her.
“playing gay chicken?”
jin heaved another big sigh. “yoonji-”

“no, listen,” yoonji said, interrupting another lecture filled with disappointment. “i’m being...good.
i’m not pushing myself and neither is namjoo. we’re two consenting adults who like to make each
other horny, and that’s okay. i promise i’m not going to fuck this up for us. she means too much to
me.”

“and does namjoo know that? does she know that you’re in this emotionally too or?”

yoonji smiled and thought back to the night before, when she had accidentally fallen asleep on the
couch. when she had woken up, she was magically covered in a blanket and namjoo was hunched
uncomfortably next to her, arms wrapped tightly around yoonji.

“i think, she...likes me too,” yoonji admitted shyly.

at that, jin finally smiled.

“and your internalized homophobia and denial? do we need to up your dosage?”

dosage. that’s what jin called his daily blast of lesbian porn to yoonji.

“weirdly quiet,” yoonji said, grinning. “honestly, i don’t even remember why i was freaking out. i
mean, of course i’m into namjoo. who wouldn’t be? and what’s wrong with liking girls? nothing.
fuck, i’ll tell my parents right now because i don’t give a shit what others think of me. if they can’t
love me as i am, then they’re terrible parents and i deserve new ones anyway.”

jin laughed, pulling yoonji into a quick hug. “i wish i’d had your smart brain when i was having
my big gay crisis. you sorted through it much quicker than me.”

yoonji squeezed jin close, knowing he needed the comfort just as much as she did.

when they returned to the dormroom, it was obvious that yoonji wasn’t the only one who had been
lectured.

jungkook looked at her with wide, mournful eyes. “noona, i didn’t mean to make it sound like you
weren’t welcome in our friend group,” he said, pouting. “i love you and will continue to love you
even if you are...s-s-” hoseok’s glare intensified and jungkook quickly retched before finishing
with a brave, “straight.”

yoonji laughed, pulling jungkook in to lay a strong flick in the middle of his forehead. “you’re
good. now eat before the food gets cold.”

they gathered on the floor to eat, and fell into their usual habit of gossiping through their meal.

yoonji loved all her friends to pieces and loved being in their company. the incessant chatter of her
friends, and even their silent comfort, quietened the noise of her own thoughts till she felt soft and
loose inside.

but a part of her, a truly embarrassing and humongous part of her, missed namjoo in every moment
she spent without the other girl.

no matter how busy she was, no matter how many people she was surrounded with, no matter how
much she was enjoying herself - if namjoo wasn’t around then the moment was always marred by
her absence. it was ridiculous because regardless of how much time she spent with namjoo (and let
the record show that yoonji spent at least 65% of all her time with namjoo), it never seemed to be
enough.

as if summoned by yoonji’s yearning, a text from namjoo lit up her phone, pulling a smile out of
yoonji before she could even read the message.

namibear

namibear:

so……………………..

just know that i am VERY embarrassed to ask this

but also

consent is sexy and all

so

um

1:19 p.m.

me:

spit it out

1:24 p.m.

come on

don't keep unnie waiting, honey

1:27 p.m.

namibear:

permission to jerk off to that picture?

1:28 p.m.

me:

oh doll

that’s not nearly enough for anyone to jerk off to

let me send you some more

1:28 p.m.

also just so we’re clear

this is a bonus point for me

1:29 p.m.
namibear:

right now

the only thing i care about are the pictures

ask me about the points when i’m less horny

1:30 p.m.

yoonji grinned to herself, pleased, and pocketed her phone before jungkook could accuse her of
being negligent to him again.

she looked up to find herself in a tense stare off between hoseok and jungkook, while jin watched
from the sidelines. jin’s face was slowly turning red from the effort of trying not to laugh.

“jungkook,” hoseok said, voice eerily cold. he jabbed a finger at the pink, notarized document in
his hand, one that yoonji recognized as jungkook’s last will and testament. “we will not be
‘smoking up’ with your ashes.”

jungkook’s bottom lip quivered in its pout. “and why the hell not!”

yoonji decided to return to her phone, and to her horny baby.

in the great and terrible game of gay chicken, there was no question that both namjoo and yoonji
had fought valiantly. each battle had been legendary, each attack had left the other wet and needy,
and it had turned them both a little insane.

but in the end, they were both winners.

yoonji hadn’t even intended for that day to turn into their final battle, but to be fair, she hadn’t slept
in two days and had also forgotten to do her laundry. standing in front of her closet, she sighed and
decided to forgo her underwear.

and in her sleep deprived state, she had managed to forgo any sort of pants completely.

it hadn’t been her intention to tease namjoo at all - in fact, she hadn’t thought about anything but
her impending music theory assignment in the last 48 hours. but when she had walked out of her
room in nothing but a baggy, grey t-shirt and noticed namjoo’s gape-mouthed stare, she had
decided to roll with it.

“unnie,” namjoo said, stunned. “y-you’re not wearing shorts.”

yoonji internally smirked when she realised that namjoo hadn’t yet realised that yoonji's underwear
was missing too.

she shrugged and hiked herself up on the table again, making sure to sit right in front of namjoo.
“hmm, silly unnie forgot to do laundry,” she said.

namjoo swallowed thickly. “oh? i can do it for you! i know you’ve been busy with your assignment
so i’ll help you out. in fact,” she said, straining to get out of her seat, “i’ll go do that right now. no
time like the present, huh?”

yoonji smirked, pressing her bare feet firmly into the meat of namjoo’s thighs. “no, stay,” she
insisted and namjoo shivered.

“what is this...impending sense of doom that i am experiencing?” namjoo said suddenly and yoonji
giggled, running her fingers through namjoo’s hair.

“dunno what you mean,” she said, casually letting her legs fall open and giving namjoo the perfect
view of what lay in between.

the impact was instant - namjoo groaned like she was in physical pain and laid her head down on
the table between yoonji’s legs with a loud thunk. “kill me now,” she cried, hands gripping the tops
of yoonji’s thighs hard enough to leave bruises. “i’m ready to go.”

giggling, yoonji caressed the top of namjoo’s head. “but the fun’s just starting, namu honey,” she
teased, making namjoo groan louder.

“my soul,” namjoo bemoaned. “it is leaving my body. in real time.”

yoonji threw her head back and laughed. “wow, didn’t know you would literally die on me.”

namjoo lifted her head, her full bottom lip trapped between her front teeth as she squeezed the flesh
of yoonji’s thighs almost painfully, pulling them apart just a bit more. yoonji gasped, mood
changing from amused to aroused quickly as she felt her body heat up under namjoo’s hungry gaze.

“fuck, you drive me insane, unnie,” namjoo whispered, voice husky as she pressed her mouth to
the inside of yoonji’s thigh. putting her hands under yoonji’s thighs, namjoo pulled her forward
until yoonji could feel her breath on her bare pussy. “so fucking gorgeous.”

yoonji tugged at namjoo’s hair till their eyes met again and yoonji flushed at the expression on
namjoo’s face - reverent and drunk.

“baby, do you want to continue our lesson?” she asked softly, caressing namjoo’s cheek with her
fingers. “wanna teach unnie how to make herself feel good?”

“yes, fuck, are you kidding me? yes,” namjoo reaffirmed and pulled yoonji to her feet, making the
other laugh with her eagerness. “my room!”

“my room’s neater,” yoonji commented, enjoying the feeling of happiness and safety settling in her
stomach at the sight of her hand wrapped tightly in namjoo’s.

“mine has sex toys.”

“your room!”

namjoo giggled as she pushed yoonji onto her bed. “you’re so beautiful and i’m gonna make you
cum so hard,” she said and yoonji snuggled deeper into the bed, smiling up at her best friend and
opening her arms to her. namjoo quickly jumped up on the bed, straddling yoonji and grinning. “i
can’t believe this is real. it’s not a dream, is it?”

yoonji felt around her ribs for the fear that had plagued her for years, and found only peace and
content.

only love.

“feels like a dream, doesn’t it?” she questioned softly, running her fingers through namjoo’s long
hair and reminded herself of how lucky she was. “i can’t believe i get to have you like this. so
pretty and all mine.”

cheeks colouring, namjoo smiled. “all yours,” she promised, pressing herself closer and squeezing
yoonji’s hips in her hands. “how are you feeling, unnie?”

yoonji trailed a finger down namjoo’s cute, little nose. she traced her lips and thumbed at the full,
bottom lip that she had dreamt about for so many years. “yours,” she answered, wrapping her hand
around the back of namjoo’s neck and pulling her close. “feel like i’m yours. always have been, i
think. just didn’t see it before.”

namjoo’s breath hitched as she exhaled, eyes cloudy again, like she too couldn’t believe how easy
it felt to have each other like this. namjoo’s throat moved under yoonji’s fingers as she swallowed.
when she looked up at yoonji, her eyes were hooded. “are you going to kiss me, unnie?”

yoonji titled her head to the side, teasing. “do you want to be kissed, namie honey?”

“by you?” namjoo questioned, leaning closer till their breaths were intertwined. “always,” she
answered, earnestly and desperately.

yoonji’s first kiss with a girl, and it went something like this: namjoo’s hands on her hips were soft,
her grip on yoonji’s skin hard and unrelenting. when yoonji pushed closer to finally, finally, finally
press her lips against namjoo’s, something inside her trembled with relief.

because it felt good, it felt right.

namjoo’s lips were just as thick and soft as they appeared. yoonji pressed multiple feather light
pecks on her rosebud of a mouth, enjoying the give of her soft lips. namjoo made an impatient
sound in her throat and yoonji giggled, giving up on her teasing. she pulled back, just to pull
namjoo closer until their bodies were pressed together almost obscenely.

namjoo opened her mouth immediately, sucking yoonji’s bottom lip between her teeth and biting
down gently. yoonji’s smiling mouth opened into a gasp, and she decided to pay namjoo back in
kind - opening her mouth and sucking on namjoo’s tongue until she shivered above her.

“namjoo-ah, you taste so good,” she whispered in between kisses, eyes never opening. she was too
lost in the feel of namjoo’s fingers underneath her t-shirt, of namjoo’s lips on her pulse, of
namjoo’s scent in every pore of her being. she felt intoxicated at the intensity, at the perfection of
the moment.

“i ate -” namjoo gasped, sucking on yoonji’s bottom lip again, like she couldn’t get herself to stop
for long enough to speak, “an orange popsicle.”

yoonji couldn’t help herself - she pulled back, with probably the biggest, fondest smile on her face,
cupped namjoo’s face in her hands and smooched the living daylights out of her. namjoo moaned
into yoonji’s mouth, not caring about how she could barely breathe as they kissed and kissed and
kissed.

once yoonji had kissed namjoo enough to get her through the next few seconds, she decided to let
namjoo breathe, moving to kiss the corner of namjoo’s mouth, her button-nose that she found oh-
so-adorable, her pretty eyelids, her cute cheeks and her stunning dimples. satisfied that she had
given namjoo at least ten seconds to breathe, she returned to namjoo’s mouth with a vengeance,
tasting like a person starved.

yoonji’s lips felt swollen and she realised that namjoo liked to bite just as much as she herself did.
her lips felt chapped from how much namjoo had sucked and bitten at them, each time leaving
yoonji panting and helplessly wet between her legs.

when namjoo’s hands trailed inwards and her fingers dipped between the folds of yoonji’s cunt,
she pulled her mouth away with a wet sound and a groan. she pushed up yoonji’s tattered grey t-
shirt and looked down at her thumb rubbing circles onto yoonji’s clit.

“fuck, so wet,” she whispered, making yoonji throb under her touch. she looked up with wide,
glittering eyes and asked, “unnie, can i fuck you with my vibe?”

how in the world was yoonji supposed to say no to that?

“whatever you want, sweetheart,” she answered, heart three seconds away from rupture.

namjoo paused in her excitement, looking at yoonji with the tiniest of pouts. “but what do you
want?” she asked.

you, yoonji thought, grinning. just you.

“your vibe,” she voiced instead, because it was too soon to push the weight of her feelings for
namjoo on the other’s shoulders. it was too soon to admit to emotions that felt too big for words.

namjoo looked at her carefully and settled back down on yoonji’s thighs, taking a deep breath. “not
to ruin the mood or anything, but a-are you sure about this?” she asked, voice sure though her eyes
were swimming with questions. “i don’t want us to...to do this and then wake up in an empty bed.”

“namie, that’s-”

“because, unnie, i…” namjoo interrupted, only to peter off. she looked down and played with the
strings of her shorts as she mumbled, “i know you are still figuring things out and that this is still
very new for you, and maybe it is selfish of me to expect too much here, but um, this isn’t just sex
for me.”

yoonji brain came to a halt as namjoo’s words caught up to her - her heart crumbled inside her
chest and her bones were nothing more than pool noodles. she wasn’t a person - just a balloon of
emotions, of happiness.

“this, you, us, it means a lot to me,” she said, quickly peeking at yoonji and then dropping her gaze
once again in shyness. “i don’t think-”

“namie, honey,” yoonji said through an open mouthed smile. “we’re not fucking. we’re making
love.”

namjoo’s eyes were wide, startled, hands frozen and cheeks red. she made a strangled sound inside
her throat and then quickly hid her blushing face behind her hands.

her big, pretty hands with her big, beautiful fingers.

“unnie, you’re so embarrassing, oh my god,” she said, voice muffled and yoonji giggled, wrapping
herself around namjoo and pressing fleeting kisses all over her hands. “how can you even say that
with a straight face?”

“i am talented like that,” yoonji said. “but seriously, you have nothing to worry about. i’m not
running away and i’m going to be here when you wake up.”

namjoo peeked at her through the gap in her fingers. “promise?”

fond, fond, yoonji was so fond. how had she never understood her feelings for namjoo before when
she adored the other girl so absolutely?

“i promise, baby,” she whispered, pulling namjoo’s hands away from her face and pressing one
final kiss on her precious, little button nose. “hey, do you want to talk this out before we do any
sexing?”

namjoo huffed a laugh. “can’t believe i’m about fuck someone who says ‘sexing’ like a fourteen
year old,” she said, and yoonji pinched her side. “ow, why!”

“not fucking,” yoonji scolded. “making love, baby.”

“okay, okay, making love,” namjoo repeated, blushing again. “c-can we do the talking after we’ve
made love? it’s just...my fingers are wet from your pussy and i’m extremely horny.”

“kim namjoo!” yoonji yelled, face aflame. “you nasty, dirty pervert!”

“hehehe,” namjoo giggled, like a fucking anime girl.

and yoonji cursed her traitorous heart for tripping all over itself in its haste to get yoonji to kiss her.

sex with namjoo...well, it was weird.

not bad weird, just...different.

unusual.

because the usual sex that yoonji always had was never this good, never this intense. sex for yoonji
had always been a chore. it was something she did as part of her routine when she was in a
relationship, and mostly consisted of her lying on the bed quietly while her boyfriend went at it.

with namjoo, there was no quiet. there was no lying still.

yoonji writhed in the sheets below - one hand covering her mouth, trying to trap the sounds of her
pleasure in the palm of her hand, while the other grasped helplessly at the pillow, the headboard,
the sheets, at namjoo. beneath her hand, her mouth was open in a quiet moan, small, muffled
sounds escaping her without her permission as namjoo fucked her with her vibrator.

“fuck, so pretty,” namjoo whispered, filthy and wild as she stared at the blue vibrator sinking into
yoonji’s pretty, pink pussy. she thrusted harder, angling it perfectly and making yoonji’s stomach
clench in pleasure. “do you hear how wet you are? hear how wet your tight, little cunt is for me?”

yoonji moaned, humiliated at the wet sound of her pussy, at namjoo’s words - and surprisingly, the
humiliation of it all settled in a perfectly warm feeling at the bottom of her stomach. “namie,” she
groaned, trying to clench her thighs shut - half out of pleasure and half to escape the shameless
hunger of namjoo’s gaze.

but namjoo was quicker, roughly pulling her legs apart and turning up the speed of the vibe until
yoonji was nearly arching off the bed. “not so fast, baby,” namjoo said, grinning as she started
thumbing at her clit with her free hand.

nothing, nothing, nothing had ever felt like that before. yoonji was nearly mindless with pleasure,
and nothing, not herself, not her ex-boyfriends, not even the toys she had experimented with, had
ever driven her to the brink of insanity like this before.

she felt far too aware of her body, of every little molecule of herself that had been warmed by
namjoo’s gorgeous hands, of every little bit of herself that was flushing with desire under her best
friend’s heated gaze. her body felt like a live wire, sparking at every simple brush of namjoo’s
fingers and every gust of her breath against the insides of her thighs.

and at the same time, her body didn’t feel like her own. she was merely a puppet and namjoo was
her master - making her move this way and that way with the simplest of sounds, with the most
wordless of commands.

namjoo circled yoonji’s clit with the fingers of her free hand almost delicately, experimentally.
tilting her head, she said absentmindedly, “oh? not so sensitive here, huh?”

something about the clinical way she was looking down at yoonji set her afire. “kim namjoo,” she
whined in embarrassment, but namjoo only hummed thoughtfully.

“maybe…” she said softly before pinching yoonji’s clit between her forefingers.

yoonji’s breath hitched, her scream of pleasure stifled as she mindless tried to run away from
namjoo’s magical hands and vibrator, legs kicking helplessly. “fuck, what?” she said, heat pooling
in her tummy and dripping down between her thighs as namjoo easily grabbed her by the ankles
and dragged her close again.

“fuck, you’re so hot,” namjoo said, leaning down to drink yoonji’s whines straight off her tongue.
she nipped and sucked at yoonji’s tongue, kissing yoonji with the filthiest sounds ever as she
continued to thrust the vibrator inside her. “how are you so hot?” she questioned in between kisses
and yoonji just moaned, brain completely rid of thoughts and words.

“a-again,” yoonji begged as namjoo sat back again.

“does unnie want me to play with her clitty again?” namjoo asked, tone innocent and eyes
lecherous. “want me to be mean with it?”

“fuck, your dirty fucking mouth,” yoonji groaned, throwing her head back, and namjoo smirked.

“don’t think you’re complaining, pretty, pretty unnie,” she said before bringing down her fingers to
lightly spank yoonji right on her clit.

“oh my god,” yoonji yelled, stomach tightening and so, so, so close to orgasm.

namjoo’s eyes lit up and her devilish grin was back. “yeah? like that?” she said before bringing her
hand down on her clit repeatedly and slowing down the movement of the vibrator into a slow grind
inside yoonji.

a feeling completely unknown to yoonji spread like wildfire inside yoonji’s veins, her body pulling
taught, heat and cold simultaneously sending shivers up and down her body as she orgasmed.
everything turned to black and her grip on the sheets turned loose as she lost control of her body
completely, brain going pleasantly blank.

the muscles of her thighs contracted and her toes curled as she twitched in the sheets, riding out her
orgasm and completely unaware of the sounds escaping her gaping mouth.

when she opened her eyes again, the world seemed brighter and colours more distinct than they
had ever been before.
namjoo’s eyes were open wide, her cheeks flushed ruddy.

“y-you…” she said in awe. “you squirted.”

yoonji frowned, looking down between her legs to see the soaked flesh of namjoo’s forearm and
the slick surface of the vibrator still grasped tightly in her hand. face heating completely, yoonji
picked up the pillow next to her and smothered herself.

“unnie, no!” namjoo said, grabbing the pillow and tossing it aside. she smiled down at yoonji and
pecked her lips sweetly. “that was the sexiest thing i have ever seen.”

“i wish a black hole would consume me,” yoonji answered, making namjoo giggle in the curve of
her neck. “what the fuck? i didn’t even know i could do that.”

“that’s what you have me for, right?” namjoo said, dragging her teeth down the side of her neck
and making yoonji hiss. her body was still coming down from the best orgasm of her life and her
flesh felt brand new. “to teach you about that sexy little body of yours?”

yoonji tugged at namjoo’s hair, pulling her up and kissing her with an open mouth. she trailed her
tongue along namjoo’s bottom lip before sucking at it with a moan.

“i can’t believe you spanked my pussy and made me squirt,” she said with a quiet laugh.

namjoo groaned through a smile and kissed the tip of yoonji’s nose. “so fucking hot, oh my god.
i’m gonna think of this forever and ever.”

yoonji rolled her eyes and pulled namjoo back down to kiss her again. she trailed her hands up and
down her torso, enjoying the feeling of the other girl shivering in her hold.

it was still astounding to her that she had this effect on namjoo.

now that her brain wasn’t a constant chant of what the fuck is happening to me and her
mindblowing orgasm had turned her body and brain to jelly, yoonji could finally look at namjoo
and actually see.

she could see the beautiful blush tainting her cheeks red, her wild hair and incorrigible smirk. she
could see namjoo’s chest rising and falling rapidly with exertion, could see her hard nipples and her
wet pussy.

licking her lips, yoonji remembered the first time she had seen namjoo naked and remembered the
urge to lick.

the urge hadn’t really gone anywhere since that very first day, and it seemed like namjoo was on
the same wavelength as her.

“unnie?” namjoo asked and yoonji hummed, kiss drunk. “can i eat you out?”

eyes widening, yoonji felt her face heat up again. “um.”

namjoo quickly backed away, suddenly looking embarrassed. “oh, i’m sorry,” she said. “we don’t
have to, obviously. i just...like going down on others and you have the prettiest-”

“do not finish that sentence, kim namjoo,” yoonji said fiercely and namjoo giggled nervously.

“but it’s true!” namjoo protested. she quickly pecked yoonji like she couldn’t stay away for too
long, before teasing, “your pretty, pink pussy. wanna make out with it.”
yoonji bit into her bottom lip, feeling the slow thrum of arousal crawl its way back inside her veins
and energy slowly seeping back into her limbs. she gasped when namjoo’s warm hand grasped
tightly at her hips, her fingers digging into yoonji’s skin, and arched her back till their bodies were
pressed close together.

she leaned up, biting at namjoo’s nipple and pawing at her heavy tits. namjoo hissed, but yoonji
wasn’t deterred until her chest was blooming with violets. possession set aflame the budding
arousal in her belly as she leaned back to admire the sight of her marks on namjoo.

namjoo’s mouth was open, lips wet and shiny with spit. her bottom lip, the one yoonji was a Big
Fan of, was swollen and bright red.

“unnie, please,” namjoo whispered, her hand trailing down between her own legs. “please.”

yoonji stopped her before her fingers could meet their target, wrapping her hand around namjoo’s
wrist and pulling her hand away.

“you can go down on unnie if you want, baby,” she said, tugging at her wrist and pulling a
confused namjoo upwards. “you gotta let me eat you out first.”

namjoo’s eyes widened and her furious blush spread down her neck.

“sit on my face?” she asked, fluttering her lashes and smirking.

“your room or mine?” namjoo asked.

yoonji looked up from her phone to see namjoo standing in her doorway, fresh out of the shower
and clad in a baggy t-shirt with faded words on it and cute shorts that were decorated in tiny yellow
hearts. she had bags of chips in one arm and two cans of beer in the other hand.

yoonji pulled the covers to the side, inviting namjoo into her bed without words. namjoo bounced
over happily, quickly dumping the snacks next to yoonji before cozying down into her blankets.

“mm,” she hummed, pulling the fuzzy blanket up to her shoulders and melting into the pillows. she
looked up to catch yoonji staring at her with fondness and grinned wide. “hi, unnie.”

the little thing inside her stomach fluttered desperately and yoonji helplessly ran her fingers
through namjoo’s soft hair. “hi, namie,” she said, so soft and malleable inside.

namjoo’s lashes fluttered softly, caressing the tops of her cheeks, and she dug her teeth into her
bottom lip. “i am trying so hard to give you time,” namjoo said even as she placed her hands on
yoonji’s hips, licking her lips. “and space. lots of time and space so you can adjust. but you are
making this...so difficult.”

yoonji grinned, cupping namjoo’s cheek in one hand and letting the other trail down to the marks
blooming purple and red on namjoo’s skin. the sight of her marks spread like water paints on
namjoo’s golden skin soothed something primal inside yoonji, an animal inside herself that she had
never been acquainted with before.

“maybe i don’t need time. not when it comes to you,” she said.

namjoo smiled, soft and pretty. “should we start with the most pressing question?” yoonji tilted her
head in question, and namjoo raised a sardonic eyebrow. “why the hell are your nipples pink? who
the hell are you, a white person?”

yoonji flushed, pushing and shoving at namjoo in embarrassment while the other girl laughed.
“shut up, you disrespectful brat!”

“it’s a genuine question!” namjoo yelled. “what is up with your pink nips, pink knees, pink elbows,
pink pussy, pink-”

“i hate you, i hate you, i hate you!” yoonji shouted, pinching and tickling namjoo everywhere to
get her to shut up. “i am already this close to throwing up because i’m so fucking nervous and this
talking thing is so scary, and now i’m embarrassed on top of all that. you need to stop talking
about my pussy.”

namjoo’s eyes glittered in amusement and she pouted, “but i love your pussy.”

“namjoo!”

namjoo giggled, before turning to yoonji with a reassuring smile.

“hey, you don’t have to be nervous. we don’t have to talk right away,” she said. she pressed close
to yoonji again, pulling her to lean against her shoulder as namjoo sat back against the headboard.
running long, soothing fingers through yoonji’s hair in an effort to calm her down, she said, “and it
doesn’t have to be scary. i promise you, nothing you say in here is going to change anything
between us. and that it stays between us. at least until you choose to share it with someone else. but
i just think that if this goes on, without us talking first, we’re just going to do more harm than
good.”

yoonji kept her gaze glued firmly to the wall in front of her, face burning. the fingers in her hair felt
good, but it didn’t stop her anxious heart from thundering inside her chest. because the truth was
that even though she knew that she didn’t have to be scared, it didn’t change the fact that she felt
paralysed with fear.

“can you start?” she asked, softly.

namjoo smiled, a tilted little thing that endeared yoonji endlessly. “of course,” she said easily.
“what do you want me to talk about?”

“um, about how you...you know,” yoonji said incoherently, gesticulating uselessly with her hands.
“how did you know you were…”

“a lesbian?” namjoo questioned and yoonji nodded, cheeks burning again. “wow, have we really
never talked about this before?”

“no, i never wanted you to feel...obligated to tell me.”

“that’s so thoughtful of you, unnie, but i never feel pressured with you,” namjoo assured and then
hummed, face thoughtful. “well, i knew since i first learnt about romantic love that i wasn’t into
guys. i never had a big revelation because i always knew that i only felt affectionate towards
women. but i also knew i couldn’t tell anyone. no one around me ever said homophobic things, but
i don’t know...looking at a world of straight and cis, i guess little me just knew that whatever i felt
wasn’t...normal. because no one around me was like me.”

yoonji wrapped her arms around namjoo’s waist because although she understood exactly what that
felt like, she didn’t know how to comfort.
“i was ready to live my life single and alone, as long as it meant i would never have to be truthful.
but then…” namjoo sighed, a heavy, weighted breath that left yoonji aching with namjoo’s
sadness. she immediately hugged namjoo into her arms, ready to shoulder whatever burden namjoo
seemed to be carrying. “tae had always been such a happy, excitable child, that it was a shock to
our system when she tried to...when she attempted suicide.”

yoonji knew, and so did the others, that tae had attempted to kill herself. even though they never
talked about it, they had all seen the jagged scars on each of tae’s wrists and the insides of her
thighs.

no one ever brought it up, not just because jimin was an overprotective girlfriend with anger issues,
but also because the scars seemed to have healed over well and scratching at them seemed cruel
and pointless.

“we didn’t see it coming,” namjoo said, hugging yoonji tighter to herself. “and after that first time,
she didn’t even tell us why she did it. after the second time, she finally told us. that she was trans
and bi. it terrified me, even though my parents were quick to accept and-and they were still so
loving. i don’t know. they kept saying they didn’t care about tae being queer as long as they had
their child alive and breathing. but it just made me think that…”

namjoo trailed off and yoonji pressed a kiss to her shoulder. she knew how difficult it must be for
namjoo to talk about the trauma of almost losing her little sibling, to relive it in her mind’s eye, and
she didn’t want to pressurize her into delving deeper into the past than she was ready to deal with.

“hey, do you wanna talk about something else?” yoonji offered but namjoo shook her head.

“sorry, just lost in my thoughts a bit,” namjoo said. she pulled out of their embrace and lay back
against the headboard, pulling yoonji into her side again. “yes. so. i thought maybe i needed to try
to kill myself as well, so my parents would readily accept me as well.”

goosebumps erupted up and down yoonji’s skin and heart beat faster, afraid. she knew namjoo was
right next to her, alive and okay, but just the thought of what could have happened shook her to the
core.

“thankfully, my parents sat me down before i could do anything stupid,” namjoo said with a smile
in her voice. “my mom asked me if i had something to tell them. i was so scared, afraid they’d
found out somehow and were gonna kick me out. but my mom and dad just wanted to have an open
conversation with me, wanted to make sure i wasn’t hiding something that was eating me alive. i
felt so guilty. so, so bad for my parents. i know it’s such a shitty thing to think, but all i could think
was god, why didn’t my parents get a single normal child that they wouldn’t have to be ashamed
of.”

“namjoo,” yoonji said desperately and namjoo squeezed her in her arms. yoonji was surprised to
find tears in her own eyes, burning quietly. “i’m so sorry you ever had to feel like that.”

“it’s not your fault, unnie,” namjoo said quietly. she breathed out deeply and shrugged her
shoulders. “turns out, my parents always knew i was a lesbian. and they had never had a problem
with it. they had just been waiting for me to come out. it went pretty smoothly after that. it helped
knowing that our parents loved us unconditionally and were there for us every step of the way. we
got so lucky with them.”

“they got lucky with having the two most kind, intelligent and beautiful daughters ever,” yoonji
said earnestly. “the best girls.”
“we truly are,” namjoo said with a snort.

“i’m happy you’re okay,” yoonji whispered like a confession. “i’m happy i met you, i’m happy
you’re here with me right now.”

“i’m happy i got to have you as well, unnie,” namjoo said, pressing a kiss to yoonji’s hair.

they fell into a peaceful silence, both of them turning around the words that had been said in their
minds and lost in their own thoughts. namjoo’s hands found yoonji’s thighs again, tracing
meaningless patterns into the pale skin thoughtlessly and humming softly under her breath.

yoonji heaved a breath and before her fear could make her stop, said, “i think i always knew as
well.”

a pause. “hmm?” namjoo said encouragingly.

yoonji’s cheeks burned with a blush. “i think i always knew i wasn’t into men.”

namjoo sucked in a surprised breath, tensing beside her. “you’re not?”

something about her shock was so amusing to yoonji that she couldn’t help herself from laughing
helplessly. “why are you surprised? we literally had sex an hour ago.”

“yes, but i thought maybe you were bi or pan or something,” namjoo protested, giggling cutely.

with a final snort, yoonji settled back into namjoo’s side. “i tried to convince myself i was bi for
the longest time. i don’t know, i thought that if i liked men at least a little bit, it wasn’t as wrong.”
she bit her lip, willing away the nausea rolling inside her tummy. “god, that’s such a fucked up
thing to say out loud.”

“brains work in a funny way, huh?” namjoo said gently.

“but i think it wasn’t until today that i truly realised that i was a…”

“it’s okay, unnie,” namjoo said, squeezing yoonji’s hand in her hold. “take your time.”

heart thundering, palms sweaty, yoonji allowed herself to breathe for a minute. “i realised i was a
lesbian,” she finished and it felt electrifying. that was her truth, wasn’t it? “when we had sex and i
didn’t feel...forced.”

“unnie,” namjoo said, broken and small.

“none of my boyfriends ever forced me,” yoonji assured quickly. all of her ex-boyfriends had been
incredible men and she would never speak badly of them. “but i think i forced myself all the time.
even after i would end the relationship, i would continue seeking them out for sex even though
it...made me feel disgusting.”

namjoo turned and wrapped her arms and legs around yoonji, cradling her against her chest and
making her laugh.

“what are you doing, you silly octopus?” yoonji said, laughter watery and pitiful.

“you’re making me feel sad,” namjoo said and yoonji teared up all over again when she realised
that namjoo was crying.

“hey, enough crying,” yoonji said shakily. “i’m only allowed to cry once a year and i’ve already
cried like thrice.”

“god, even your emotional constipation endears me,” namjoo said passionately and yoonji laughed
again, a little less sad now.

yoonji wrapped her arms and legs around namjoo as well, and giggled when the other girl sighed in
satisfaction. “hey,” she said quietly. “can i admit one more big thing?”

“mm,” namjoo said, content like a warm kitty.

heat prickled the apples of yoonji’s cheeks and her heart shuddered in its cage.

“...i think i always knew that i was in love with you as well,” yoonji confessed.

namjoo tensed in surprise before she tried to escape the prison of yoonji’s limbs, but yoonji held on
steadily, not ready to look namjoo in the eyes yet.

“unnie, let me go!” namjoo struggled but yoonji kept her flushed face wedged safely between
namjoo’s breasts. “unnie, get out of my tits! fuck, say that to my face, you coward!”

“nnnn, stop,” yoonji protested. “i’m not ready yet.”

namjoo deflated in defeat, spread starfished on the bed while yoonji clung on in embarrassment.
“fine,” namjoo muttered. “i hope you know that i planned on confessing in a much more elaborate
way, but i guess i have to make do.”

yoonji’s poor heart clawed its way up her throat, bloody and bruised and oh so fucking hopeful.
“...what?”

“the first day i saw you, when hoseokah introduced us, you were dressed in this baggy black
sweatshirt and ripped black jeans and these fucking monstrous black boots,” namjoo said, laughter
in her voice and a smile on her lips. “i took one look at you, your pretty cheeks and frowny face,
your pretty pink knees through the rips of your fucking jeans, and i just thought. wow. i’m gonna
fall in love with this little emo.”

yoonji was melting in embarrassment. fuck, why was this so embarrassing?

“and did you?” she asked quietly because she needed to hear it. needed confirmation because god,
there was no way someone like yoonji deserved someone like namjoo. “did you fall in love?”

“ass over tits, my dude,” namjoo confirmed.

yoonji grinned, hugging namjoo tighter to herself. she felt giddy and exhilarated. “is this what it
feels like to do coke?”

namjoo snorted. “like what?”

“light, so many endorphins,” yoonji said, happy, happy, happy . “feel like i could rip a mountain in
half.”

“sounds about right,” namjoo confirmed, running her hands gently up and down yoonji’s sides.
“hey, you gonna let me see your pretty face, unnie?”

“tomorrow,” yoonji said. “m too embarrassed right now.”

“unnie,” namjoo whined and god, there was only so much yoonji’s heart could take before she had
an attack. “but i love you.”

yoonji bit namjoo’s nipple over her t-shirt out of vengeance and grinned at her yelp. “i love you
too,” she said, the words a little awkward on her stiff tongue. “even though you just called me
dude. ugh. can’t believe i’m gonna date you.”

“you don’t have to,” namjoo teased, tickling her sides.

“but i’m gonna,” yoonji said petulantly, biting another nipple till namjoo stopped tickling her.

happiness buzzed inside yoonji’s chest like magic, lighting up her insides in bright colours.

she was sure that her forgotten anxiety was just lingering around the corner and that she would
have to deal with it soon, but for now, she basked in the feeling of being honest with herself.

and with the love of her life.

“god,” she whispered, disbelieving, into the quiet of the night once namjoo had fallen asleep, “the
love of my life.”

in the end, dating namjoo wasn’t too different from being namjoo’s best friend.

they still ate breakfast together at eight in the morning, still went their separate ways to their
separate classes, still spent tuesdays watching movies cuddled on their lumpy couch in the living
room, still made music and worked on assignments in each other’s quiet company.

but there were a lot more kisses involved, a lot of biting and sucking, a lot of hickies (mostly
involving yoonji’s mouth and namjoo’s neck, chest, thighs, tummy), a lot of hands down each
other’s pants and a truly astounding amount of sex toys.

when yoonji sometimes woke up from the haze of love that seemed to constantly cloud her brain,
she found herself embarrassed of her own behaviour.

because it turned out that yoonji was the type of girlfriend that not only cooked for her girlfriend,
but also insisted on hand feeding her. she was the type of girlfriend who was constantly needy for
attention and kisses, whose neediness made them both late for their classes almost regularly and
who couldn’t go to sleep without cuddling anymore.

she had never been like that with any of her past boyfriends, which made her realise that she had
never felt like this with them either and that she hadn’t been nearly as invested in them as she
should have been.

with namjoo, affection came easily - something she had struggled with a lot when she had been
dating men.

with namjoo, intimacy wasn’t forced, it came naturally.

a part of yoonji was furious with herself. she couldn’t believe that she had allowed her fear to
dictate her life for so many years.

sometimes, she felt an overwhelming sadness take over her completely.

she felt sorry for herself, sorry that she had spent her entire life trying to be someone she could
never be, that she had forced herself through so many uncomfortable relationships just to avoid
disappointing her family, that she had let herself suffer for so long for the love and approval of
parents who hadn’t even bothered to ever ask her why she was never happy.

but as days rolled into weeks and weeks into months, yoonji was mostly grateful.

as time swept by in a flood of work, assignments, dates and kissing, yoonji was filled with nothing
but the utmost gratitude that she could finally allow herself to live as she was, that she could love
who she wanted and that she wasn’t as paralysed by fear anymore.

it was weird being so happy and content continuously over the period of days and days, and some
part of yoonji was always waiting at standby for the happiness to come to an end.

but it was hard to dwell on the bad when there was so much good in the world.

so much good, she thought, thrusting her hips harder and driving her dick deeper into her
girlfriend.

the ties of the strapon dug almost painfully into her skin, but the only thing on her mind were the
sweet moans of pleasure escaping namjoo’s mouth.

“look at my baby drooling all over herself,” yoonji said, rubbing circles into namjoo’s clit and
making her shudder. “feels good, baby?”

namjoo, who was on her knees on the couch and grasping helplessly at the back of it to keep her in
place as yoonji drove into her from behind, nodded dumbly. “so good, unnie, s-so good,” she
moaned, cheek smushed against the couch. “wanna ride you, please, can i, wanna ride you please,”
she begged, breathless and absolutely ethereal.

“wanna ride unnie’s dick, love?” yoonji questioned, smirking when namjoo nodded desperately.
“c’mon, sit on it.”

pulling out of namjoo’s wet heat with a filthy sound, yoonji sat down on the couch and pulled a
shaking namjoo to straddle her hips. yoonji lined the rainbow coloured dildo to namjoo again and
namjoo threw her head back with a moan as she slowly slid down.

“deep, it’s so deep,” namjoo gasped. with her fingers in yoonji’s hair, she tugged her forward till
yoonji had her mouth wrapped around her nipple again. “makin’ me feel so good,” she said as she
ground down until her clit was dragging against yoonji’s pubic bone.

yoonji dragged her teeth over the peak of namjoo’s nipple as she twisted the other between her
fingers. another choked moan and namjoo shuddered in her lap, slowing down.

yoonji slapped namjoo’s ass lightly, fucking up into her hard and fast. “c’mon, baby, don’t slow
down,” she commanded, holding namjoo by the hips and helping her bounce harder. “can’t stop
until we make you cum.”

“c-close, so close,” namjoo said, voice husky and words slurred with pleasure. suddenly, yoonji hit
something inside her that made sparks fly behind her closed eyelids and she nearly screamed at
how good it felt. “fuck, right there, right there!”

determined, yoonji pushed namjoo down on the couch and climbed over her. she tugged at
namjoo’s nipples with her teeth and her hands, knowing how that drove her girlfriend insane, and
thrust harder into namjoo’s wet cunt, trying to angle the strapon to hit her g-spot again and again
and again, until namjoo was arching and crying out as her orgasm washed over her.
she slowed down but didn’t stop moving inside namjoo as the other girl came down from her
orgasm. she kissed namjoo with an open mouth, licking into her mouth and sucking at her bottom
lip as namjoo melted beneath her.

finally, when namjoo whined with overstimulation, yoonji pulled out and took the strapon off,
throwing it somewhere behind her.

curling up between namjoo’s legs and cushioning her head on namjoo’s thigh, yoonji smiled up at
her girlfriend. “good, namie?”

namjoo huffed and rolled her eyes even as a smile tugged at her gasping mouth. “namie gone.
namie fucked straight to heaven. try again later,” she said, making yoonji laugh.

they laid in silence for a few minutes, absentminded fingers running up and down each other’s
bodies as they enjoyed the afterglow.

“unnie, if i can walk after this, do you wanna go out for dinner?” namjoo asked softly just as yoonji
started falling asleep. “i feel like dressing up nice and eating somewhere fancy.”

“issa date,” yoonji said, yawning. “sleep now.”

namjoo grinned down at her cuddly bundle of a girlfriend, trailing her fingers through yoonji’s hair
fondly. “m’kay, unnie,” she said, “sleep.”

wrapped in each other and completely lost to the world, they both fell asleep.

and it wasn’t until a scream woke them up from their little nap that they realised that they had been
so wrapped up in each other that they had forgotten something extremely important - locking the
front door and telling their friends that they were dating.

“whose fucking rainbow dick is lying on the fucking floor?” hoseok screamed, eyes wide and
frightened as he pointed at the offending item in question. “why is it so fucking big? why the fuck
are you both naked? why is no one answering me?”

instead of scrambling away from hoseok and seokjin’s prying (and wide) eyes, namjoo and yoonji
found themselves glaring at the couple with identical sleepy faces.

“oh my god, why are you being so loud,” yoonji groaned, stretching shamelessly. it wasn’t the first
time the couple had seen her naked and it definitely wasn’t going to be the last. “it’s my dick.”

“why is it literally the size of my arm?” seokjin questioned, pale.

yoonji rolled her eyes, settling back between namjoo’s legs so she could face hoseok and jin
without twisting her neck uncomfortably. “it’s ten inches, and namjoo is a bit of size queen.”

“why is your dick accommodating namjoo’s size kink?”

“because what purpose is there for my dick if not to pleasure my girlfriend?” yoonji asked with a
frown. she was irritated, sleepy, confused and mostly stupid.

it was silent for so long that yoonji almost fell back asleep, thinking the intruders had decided to
leave her to continue napping in peace, but alas.

“girlfriend?” hoseok asked.

and.
huh, yoonji thought.

she opened a single eye to glare at hoseok. “did you not hear me the first time around?” she asked.

“b-but aren’t you-”

“shh,” namjoo hissed, eyes closed as she frowned and pouted. “sleep time. lemme sleep, p’ease.”

“sorry, babe,” yoonji said, kissing the leg namjoo had wrapped around her in apology. turning back
to hoseok and jin, she mouthed an angry, leave.

hoseok and jin stood frozen in the entryway - jin shocked and hoseok frightened as he continued to
stare at the dildo on the floor.

slowly, the shock melted off jin’s face and a small, pleased smile took its place. he stepped closer
to a catatonic hoseok and laced their fingers together, pulling up their joint hands to show yoonji.

“came here to tell you we’re engaged, asshole,” he said, grinning.

with a sleepy grin, yoonji settled her head back on namjoo’s hip and mouthed, congratulations.

tilting his head fondly, jin replied, “you too, yoonie. you too.”

mcdonald’s at 3am felt like a different plane of existence entirely.

yoonji felt like she was living inside a weird american movie about teenagers who smoked and
drank alcohol like it was the coolest thing to do, and not in a slightly sticky plastic chair in a 24-
hour mcdonald’s in jongno-gu.

she leaned back in her uncomfortable and most likely soda-sticky chair and smiled.

she liked this. liked how she felt as she watched jinnie oppa slow-dance with a drunk jungkook to
namjoo’s offkey singing. she liked how she felt sitting next to a drunk and cuddly jimin, while tae
slept with her head in hoseokie’s lap.

jungkook spun seokjin around, before he dipped him perfectly.

her friends clapped, yoonji the loudest, and someone on the other side of the restaurant whistled.

jungkook and seokjin ignored it all and continued dancing. namjoo continued singing.

“namjoo unnie,” jimin said and namjoo raised a brow at her without pausing. “sing that english
song that i really like.”

yoonji pulled her closer by the arm wrapped around jimin’s waist and giggled. “they cannot slow
dance to we will rock you, jimin-ah.”

jimin scoffed, shoving herself further into yoonji. “you underestimate their idiocy.”

namjoo apparently knew all about jungkook and seokjin’s idiocy because she was already
drumming the beat onto the tabletop. jungkook and seokjin were headbanging before namjoo even
started singing.

“buddy, you’re a boy, make a big noise” she sang, deepening her voice hilariously and yoonji
started laughing, “playing in the street, gonna be a big man someday!”

“you got mud on your face!” tae yelled, suddenly awake and completely animated, banging her
fists on top of the tabletop. “you big disgrace!”

she watched her favourite people in the whole world make an absolute fool of themselves, probably
ending up on someone’s snapchat, and just laughed.

she loved this.

loved how jin and kookie had their arms around each other’s necks in a chokehold but were still
somehow headbanging, loved how tae was singing an opera rendition of the song, loved how jimin
was giggling softly into yoonji’s neck and loved how besotted hoseok looked as he recorded the
debacle.

and namjoo.

yoonji loved how happy and carefree she looked. her smile was wide, dimples out and hair wild.
there was a flush on her cheeks and yoonji wanted to cup her face and leave kisses all over it.

“look what you’ve done now, jiminah,” yoonji teased, laughter in her voice.

jimin wiped her tears away, pouty lips stretched into the biggest smile. “i’ll happily take full
responsibility for this.”

it probably wasn’t a heavy burden to carry - all of their friends drunk and happy and together.

yoonji found her eyes dragging themselves back to namjoo, inexplicably and irresistibly.

namjoo was a sight - clad in a loose white, off-shoulder top, tight black jeans that were ripped at
the knees and a sparkly choker around her lean neck. that choker was the cause of a solid 100% of
yoonji’s distraction their whole night out. it was astounding to her that namjoo was powerful
enough to make the cheap, fake diamonds of the choker seem almost ethereal while on her.

the choker alone wouldn’t have been as big of a distraction, but with the hickies still littered all
over the skin of her neck and shoulders? the one bruise yoonji had sucked between namjoo’s
collarbones that sometimes peaked out? god, yoonji was losing her mind.

she honestly hadn’t thought much about it in the heat of the moment, hadn’t realised that all the
biting and sucking would leave marks that wouldn’t leave immediately. but if the consequence was
watching namjoo go around town with yoonji’s marks on her so obviously displayed?

well, fuck, yoonji would happily take full responsibility too.

damn, who knew i was this person, yoonji thought, licking her lips.

namjoo grinned wider when she caught yoonji’s stare, dimples deeper than usual.

something fluttered between yoonji’s ribs, soft and gentle and so, so fragile.

before she could truly take an account of what actions and consequences meant, she was jumping
out of her chair, the skin of her thighs peeling off the sticky chair with a disgusting sound. she
walked up to namjoo and grabbed her cheeks in both her hands.

“unnie,” namjoo said in alarm, her eyes wide in surprise.

 “i’m gonna kiss you, kim namjoo,” yoonji declared, fearless and free, reckless and wild, stupid and
in love. “because i’m stupidly in love with you and you won’t stop being cute. is that okay with
you?”

namjoo blinked stupidly. adorably. “unnie, there are p-people around us.”

“i didn’t ask the people. i asked you,” yoonji said firmly. “are you okay with it?”

a tiny, little nod and yoonji ducked her head to catch namjoo’s bottom lip between her own.

how dare namjoo walk around with those dimples of mass destruction and not expect yoonji to
make out with her at every fucking chance? how dare she exist solely to cause yoonji heart
palpitations? how dare she be so adorable, lovable, beautiful?

how fucking dare she?

when yoonji pulled away with stars in her eyes, the world narrowed down until it was just her and
the love of her life, everything else irrelevant, insignificant - and yoonji realised, with something
like peace settling inside her, that it didn't matter how their friends, her parents, the entire fucking
world would react to their kiss, when everything started and ended right here, between her and a
kiss drunk namjoo.

“what was that for?” namjoo asked, eyes fluttering in surprise.

yoonji smiled, and noise finally started filtering through to her ears.

tae was hooting, jimin yelling in happy surprise and jungkook was crying, inconsolably.

"i knew it, i knew my noona couldn't be straight," he sobbed.

the people in the restaurant laughed and cheered with her friends, much to namjoo's
embarrassment.

yoonji didn't care about the commotion that had broken out around her, she just smiled and pecked
her girlfriend again.

"i just love you a lot," she replied simply.

and that was reason enough.

Chapter End Notes

i cannot believe i am jealous of the characters i, myself, created, but it be like that
sometimes.

thank you very much for waiting for me to finally write this out, i really appreciate
your patience. this story is very special to me because lesbeans :( and i hope you
enjoyed reading it as much as i did creating it.

and. i guess that's a wrap!

twitter: @verses_twt
 curious cat: @vcrses

End Notes

i had so much fun writing this! i love girls! so much! honestly, this was chapter was the
easiest thing to write but i truly struggled with chapter two. i should be able to publish it in
a week or so, so please keep an eye out :)

please share your thoughts with me!

twitter: @verses_twt
curious cat: @vcrses

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