Hawa Kharab Hai

By
Sohit Khanna
EXT. DAY HIGHWAY

LOCATION 1 - ROCKY ROADSIDE

He is reading a Hindi newspaper
He is humming the "ache din aney waley hain" tune & reading
the newspaper headlines out aloud.

He reads very animatedly, with theatrical voice modulation,

expression & mannerism.
ORANGE
Shahar Ki Hawa Sabse Kharab
Paryavaran shastriyon key hisab se
apke shahar ki hawa ab puri duniya
main sabse jyada pradushit hai.
Visheshagyon ki maney toh is dushit
hawa se humare sharir key sath sath
humare mann aur dimag bhi pradushit
hote ja rahe hain.
Aam janta ko yeh salah di jati hai
hai ki vey apne naak dhake rakhain
aur apna mansik santulan banaye
rakhain.

ache din humming....

Dusri khabar
Pagal khane sey 3 pagal farar,
police khoj jari.

ache din humming....

Are wah, yeh suno
kal pradhan mantri ney netra-hinon
key sath selfie khichwai aur unhain
naye gehre kale chashmain deney ka
vayda kiya.
ache din humming....
Arey..yeh toh kamaal ho gaya..
Bharat sarkar ki swach bharat
abhiyaan ki yojna ke tahat
pradhanmantri nain sadak par tatti
karne valey logon ke liye ek khas
bus service ka intezam kiya hai,
jismain humare garib -nangey bhai
shahar sey dur, kheton main jakar
tatti kar sakain. Isse prakritik
khad ka utpadan hoga aur zameen ki
pedavar bhadhegi.
ache din humming....

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

He is super happy reading the newspaper

His chest is swelled with pride
He is more than assured that the country is going on the
right track.
He has a possessed-stupid-smiling expression on him.
He takes a bidi out of his pocket, puts it in his mouth.
He reached for the matchbox, realises he is out of
matchsticks.
Before he could think, A hand with white gloves, reaches out
to him with a lighter.
WHITE
Take this light my friend, this is
the fire of god almighty, it shalt
light though bidi.
Ishwar nain tumko apney prakash sey
prajvalit kiya hai.

Orange guy is taken aback by this but he doesn’t bother too

much, gets the bidi lit & starts smoking
The White man also begins to smoke the bidi alongside

LOCATION 2 - MIDDLE OF THE ROAD

Cars are passing by on both sides, there is dust & a lot of
noise

They speak very loudly to each other, almost shouting...

They are standing with back towards each other, smoking
ORANGE
Yeh mask kyun lagaya hai ?
WHITE
Kya??
ORANGE
Mask??
WHITE
Iss shahar ki hawa bahut kharab hai
ORANGE
Haan...woh toh hai
Silence for sometime, both of them are enjoying the weather
& smoke
 3.

LOCATION 1 - ROCKY ROADSIDE

WHITE
Election aney waley hain...
Kya lagta hai ?

ORANGE
Haan..
Lagna kya hai?
Bass imandar jitna chahiye

WHITE
Haan..
Pichla tog chor nikla..
ORANGE
Hmmm...dekhte hain

WHITE
Hmmmm
The orange man again looks at the news paper & humms the
"ache din aney wale" tune
He looks happy, for no reason, misplaced happiness
He is looking at the leaders photo, is smiling & is admiring
it.
ORANGE
Mujhe lagta hai mujhe inse pyaar ho
gaya hai
Kya personality hai yar...leader ho
toh aisa..baki sab toh pani kum
chai hain.

WHITE
Hmmm...
Vaise photo toh kamal khinchate
hain
style toh acha hai...
par ab sab chai waley bahut akadte
hain..
chai bhi mehengi ho gayi hai.
ORANGE
Arey mehangai ka kya karna hai bhai
Yeh dekho inka latest photo
Kya hero jaise dikh rahe hain..waah
He starts singing ache din aney wale hain...

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

WHITE
Kya ache din?
Achey din toh bass tum logon key
liye hi hain..
Humare liye toh bas Good Day
Buscuit hi bacha hai.
ORANGE
(Laughs into the camera)
Nahin yaar...tumko ache dinon ki
kya zarurat?
Tumhare paas toh GOOD FRIDAY hai..
(Laughs into the camera)
WHITE
Haan..par GOOD FRIDAY par tumhari
bhi toh chutti hoti hai.

ORANGE
Toh ?
Humare kitne sare maukon par tum
log PAID LEAVE ki bread khate
ho..hain?
Uska kya?
WHITE
Acha
Par hum log kisiko force nahin
karte, kisi par koi dabav nahin
dalte
Hum bahut shantipriya log hain.
Samjhe?
ORANGE
Arey chodo...
Hum log toh bahut hi sharif aur
sehansheel hain
Tabhi toh tumko aur najane kitnon
ko humare hindustan main rehne dete
hain.

WHITE
Tumhara Hindustan kabse ho gaya
bhai?
ORANGE
Humara kyonki iske naam main humari
pehchaan hai..isliye humara.
WHITE
Yeh humara desh bhi hai
I LOVE MY INDIA
 5.

LOCATION 3 - GREEN BUSHES

They are walking across the bushes,
Talking while walking
(cont’d)
Yeh duniya...ek dulhan..yeh duniya
ek dulhan ke mathey ki bindiya..
ting ting ting ting ting"
WHITE
I LOVE MY INDIA
ORANGE
I LOVE MY INDIA
Both sing the song together.

ORANGE
Pardes.. Direction Subhash Ghai
Shahrukh aur Mahima Chaudhary
WHITE
Music Nadeem Sharavan
Singer Alka Yagnik
ORANGE
Waah bhai..tu bahut janta hai.

WHITE
Toh aur kya...Subhash Ghai ko kaun
nahin janta
Ding Dong...(does the Subhash Ghai
hat off gesture)

ORANGE
Acha tune woh filam dekhi hai..Anil
Kapoor aur Jackie shroff wali...woh
jisme last main boat main boat main
unko marte hain...

WHITE
hmmm...Parinda?
ORANGE
Haan..Parinda...woh bhi toh Subhash
Ghai ki hai na?
WHITE
Chal bey...Parinda Vinod Chopra ki
hai...kuch bhi mat bol

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.

ORANGE
Nahin yaar...Parinda Subhash Ghai
Ki Hai
WHITE
Nahin yaar..

LOCATION 4 - GREEN FEILDS

Now both of them are peeing & singing songs
They are also sharing a beedi
ORANGE
Ting ting ting ting..ting ting ting
ting..

Both start singing the Karz tune & song

ORANGE+WHITE
ek din woh mile..roz milne lage
phir mohabbat hui..bass qayamat
hui..
khogaye tum kahan..sunkar yeh
dastan..
They end with a laughter
WHITE
LaksmiKant-Pyarelal hain na?
ORANGE
Yes...right kaha bhai.
(cont’d)
Usme jab Monty ko pichle janam ka
sab yaad ajata hai na..toh kya
kamaal guitar bajta hai
Main toh usse inspire hokar guitar
sikhne chal diya tha..
Kya eshtyle tha yar.
ORANGE
Acha...
Main toh us film ki wajeh se hi
Ooty gaya tha

WHITE
Acha..
Yaar
KARZ Subhash Ghai ki sabse great
film thi.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.

ORANGE
Haan..bhai..I agree
Soon a man comes by, starts peeing alongside them.
He is humming a tune.

GREEN
ta ra ree....ta re rara ra ree
Nayak nahin.....khalnayak hun main

ORANGE & WHITE hear his song, look at each other & start
singing along
ORANGE+WHITE+GREEN
Zulmi bada dukhdayak hun main...
Hai pyaar kya mujhko kya khabar
Bass yaar nafrat ke layak hun main
GREEN
Khal Nayak...
Director Subhash Ghai
Music Lakshmikant Pyarelal

WHITE
Kya baat hai
ORANGE
Tum bhi...waah

GREEN
(Continues the Khalnayak song)
Main bhi sharafat se jeeta magar
Mujhko shareefon se lagta tha darr
Sabko pata tha main kumzor hoon
Isliye main aaj kuch aur hun
Kuch aur hoon
This is senti-moment, hearing the song both the ORANGE & The
WHITE men put a hand on his shoulder

WHITE & ORANGE men take out a beedi each & put it in their
mouths
Before they realise, the green gloved man extends a lighted
red match towards them.

They don’t bother too much, just light the beedi & enjoy the
smoke.
 8.

LOCATION 2 - MIDDLE OF THE ROAD

Cars are passing by on both sides, there is dust & alot of
noise
All 3 are enjoying the smoke as if nothing is unusual.
They speak very loudly to each other, almost shouting...
Nobody is looking at each other while talking, they are lost
somewhere
WHITE
Yeh mask kyun pehna hai?
GREEN
Hain?? ?
ORANGE
Yeh maskk....kyun pehna hai??
GREEN
Mask?...Hawa bahut kharab hai...
ORANGE
Haan..woh toh hai
Green nods & continues smoking

LOCATION 1 - ROCKY ROADSIDE

They are sitting on the rocks & talking...

WHITE
Election aney waley hain..kya lagta
hai?

GREEN
Lagna kya hai?
Imandar jitna chahiye
ORANGE
Hmmm...
Pichla wala toh chor nikla
WHITE
Hmmm
Dekhte hain...
ORANGE
Aur bataiye yahan kaise?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.

GREEN
Bass..Ghar wapis ja rahe hain.
ORANGE
Bahut badhiya
Subah ka bhula agar shyaamko ghar
vapis ajaye toh use bhula nahin
kehte
Ghar wapsi main hi apko sukoon
milega.

WHITE
Kya matlab?
GREEN
Oh Mr..Main uss gharwapsi ki baat
nahin kar raha jo aap samajh rahe
hain.
Mujhe apne mazhab par pura bharosa
hai.
Main toh bass apne ghar ja raha
hun.

ORANGE
Oh!...toh aap purani dilli waley
hain?
Pehenave se toh nahin lagte
GREEN
Kya matlab?
ORANGE
Matlab..
Jo aap bata rahe hain hain aap
hain, vaise dikhte toh nahin hain..
Kisi se bhag rahe hain kya?
GREEN
Kyon?
Dadi-top nahin hai toh apko saboot
dena hoga kya?
Hum jo hain, jaise hain, apse bahut
behtar hain.
Aur us hisaab se toh aap kaunse
kashi ke dikhayi pad rahe hain?

WHITE
Kapdon main kya rakha hai?
GOD ney humain sabki HELP karne key
liye banaya hai.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.

ORANGE
Miyaan
Voh toh sari duniya janti hai ki
kaun kissey behtar hai aur kaun
goli ki nok par khudko behtar sabit
karna chahta hai.
WHITE
Acha...toh yeh bhi sari duniya
janti hai ki kaun humari imaratain
todta hai...

GREEN
Aap log zyada hain toh kya humko
dabana chahte hain?
Hum apke gulam nahin hain
Ulta humari pushton nain aap par
hukumat ki hai.
ORANGE
Dekha..Inki nafrat ko
Yeh log isliye itna akadte hain
kyonki hum log tolerant hain.

WHITE
Yeh COUNTRY sirf tumhari nahin hai.
TOLERANT bolkar kisipar aisaan mat
jatao.
Yeh COUNTRY humari bhi hai.

GREEN
Bilkul.
Yeh humara bhi mulk hai.
Par woh din dur nahin jab humari
nasl is desh par phirse raj karegi.

ORANGE
Arey chodo..
Yeh toh hum honey nahin denge.
sarkar humari hai.
Aap log LOVE JIHAD karenge toh hum
GHAR WAPSI karenge.
GREEN
Arey..aap log bahut darey hue hain.
Tabhi aisi behki hui batain kar
rahe hain.
ORANGE
Aap logon par kaise bharosa karain.
Apki neeyat hi kharab hai.
Humari mataon ko adesh hai ki har
koi 4 bachhe, nahin 5 bachhey paida
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.

ORANGE (cont’d)
karey, taki yeh dharam sankat tal
sake.
WHITE
Yaar
Par yeh toh pagalpan hai
5 bachhey?
ORANGE
Pagalpan toh hai
Par yeh log kaunse kum pagal hain?
Inkey bacchey aap ginte thak
jayenge.
GREEN
Lijiye
Ab inko humare bachhon se bhi
problem hai.
Humari MARDANGI sey insecure hain
aap.
ORANGE
Koi insecure nahin hai.
Bachhey paida karna humara birth
right hai.

LOCATION 4 - GREEN FEILDS

WHITE
Par 5 bachhey?
Oh GOD!

GREEN
Waise sach kahun toh mainey bhi 3
key baad hath upar kar liye they.
Par hukum ko kaise talte?
ORANGE
Sach main?
Yaar..bachhon se toh mujhe bhi darr
lagta hai.
Kya bahut bura hota hai?
GREEN
Bhai
Ab pucho mat.
Hum do humare do hi bhale hain.
Uske baad toh apne aur dusre ke
main farak batana hi bahut mushkil
ho jata hai.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.

WHITE
Par yaar
5 bachhey toh adhi cricket team ban
gayi.

ORANGE
Arey CRICKET key liye toh 10 hazir
hain.
GREEN
Haan
Ab SACHIN ke jane key baad, kya
hoga apni team ka?
Humko agla SACHIN kab milega?
WHITE
Arey miyaan
SACHIN toh har koi banna chahta
hai.
Ab time hai ALL ROUNDERS ka.
Jaise Jack Kalis.
GREEN
Hmmm...
ORANGE
Sahi kaha..par all rounder ke sath
humko FAST BOWLER bhi chahiyen..
Kyun?
GREEN
Haan
FAST BOWLER jo lagatar FAST rahe.
Apna ZAHEER KHAN nahin.

ORANGE
Arey
Kya baat kar rahe ho?
ZAHEER KHAN heera tha heera
Yaad karo 2007 India Vs Sri Lanka,
Margoa
Apne ladke nain 5 wicket li thin,
Match badal dala tha pura.
GREEN
Arey woh kaun bhool sakta hai.
Sachin 1 par out ho gaya tha par
Dhoni ney kamaal kiya tha.
WHITE
Ab dekho..WORLD CUP chal raha hai.
Kya hota hai?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.

GREEN
Par yaar
Yeh DHONI nain YUVRAJ ke sath thik
nahin kiya.

ORANGE
Haan bhai.
Itna experienced player hai aur
lekar tak nahin gaye Australia.
Batao...
Yaar yeh log apas main ladte kyun
hain?

EXT. NIGHT PITCH DARK

Torch light is pointed towards all of them one by one.

ORANGE
Main pagal nahin hun!
Main RASHTRAVADI hun.
WHITE
Main pagal nahin hun!
Main TOLERANT hun
GREEN
Main pagal nahin hun!
Main SECULAR hun.

There is a RADIO at the DHABA

RADIO
Naye ankhadon se yeh pata chala hai
ki apke shehar ki hawa ab aur
kharab ho chuki hai. Khule main
saans lena mushkil hota ja raha
hai. logon ko yeh chetawani di jati
hai ki woh khulke saans na lain aur
chaar deewari main hi rahain.

Dusri khabar main,

Rajdhani ke paas ek dhabe se 3
pagalon ko giraftar kiya gaya, yeh
pagalkhane se farar they.
Bataya ja raha hai ki yeh
sampradayik kattarpanthi they. Aise
logon ka khule main ghumna humari
ekta aur sabhyata key liye
hanikarak ho sakta hai.
Blind man is singing with guitar at the roadside