Life in Tibet

I was born in 1931 in the Phen-po District of Central Tibet. My original lay
name was Tse-chu and I belonged to a small and humble family. The
whole of the first half of my life was a tale of misfortune and strife.
I was married at an early age to the eldest daughter of another family
in my village. Besides the poverty of my family, I faced a chain of
misfortunes from the beginning of my marriage. My wife gave birth to three
children, but all of them died one after another shortly after their birth. My
poor wife after facing the death of each of her three children, eventually
died herself. So, I lost my wife and all my children at the very beginning of my
married life. As was customary in most parts of Tibet I was married again to the
younger sister of my late wife. The first child of my second wife also died in the
same way. I was then advised t o h a v e a s p e c i a l r i t u a l p e r f o r me d
c a l l e d ' ' C u t t i n g t h e Thread of Evil'' (Sri gcod). I requested a local
lama to perform it after which a son was born to my wife. This child,
although the fifth born, was the first to survive. I neither belonged to a
religious family nor was I religious in the earlier part of my life. l did not
even wonder what religion might be, during all those days of my
worldly life. The first and the only instance I can remember as
something like a religious experience occurred when I paid a visit to the
great historical hermitage of Drag-Yer-pa, a site north-east of Lhasa
blessed by the presence of Padma Sambhava, Atisha and others. The
purpose of my visit was just to offer some butter lamps for my late wife. I
requested one of the hermit monks there to heat his small kettle of butter. He
invited me to his cave and offered me tea. While I was drinking it, the
hermit, without saying anything, sat upon his seat and started reciting Mani
quite a u d i b l y a s h e mi g h t h a v e b e e n a c c u s t o me d t o d o i n g . I
noticed that although the monk had nothing in his cave he really seemed
happy and contented. The light of peace shone in his face. I was deeply
impressed by the hermit's way of life, and the soothing sound of Mani
resounded in my ears long after I had left the hermitage. However when I
returned home I behaved just as I had before for that casual experience
had not brought about any change in my life. In 1959 when the communist
Chinese took over central Tibet I could not believe what had happened. The
idea of attempting to escape never entered my mind. Instead I thought
that it was just a temporary setback and that the Chinese would
eventually be defeated and driven out by the Tibetan army and voluntary
guerrilla force. The Chinese invasion of Tibet awakened a strong nationalistic
f e e l i n g i n my h e a r t wh i c h ma d e me f o r g e t e v e r yt h i n g except the
fight to drive them out of Tibet. I openly protested against Chinese
rule on many occasions. I was so a n g r y wi t h t h e m t h a t a n y n a t u r a l
f e e l i n g s o f f e a r a n d concern for my personal safety totally
disappeared from my heart. The rage of my nationalistic spirit grew
further when I saw that most of the local Tibetan officials had simply
become flattering stooges of the Chinese. I directly challenged such traitors on
several occasions and spat on their acts of treachery towards the Tibetan people
at such a c r u c i a l t i me . Wi t h i n a s h o r t p e r i o d , I b e c a me we l l -
known among our people, as well as to the Chinese
a u t h o r i t i e s . M y u n b i a s e d s u p p o r t f o r t h e c a u s e o f o u r people won
me their genuine support. I was unanimously elected to the newly created
post of Uy-on, or District O f f i c i a l . T h e C h i n e s e o f f i c i a l s a c c e p t e d
t h i s f o r t h e y thought it was a good opportunity to mould me into the
shape they desired. I was able to take advantage of the situation. I was doing
w e l l wi t h t h e C h i n e s e a u t h o r i t i e s , a s we l l a s wi t h my
underground activities against them. The Tibetan

Guerrillas were very active in those days and the Chinese ordered the district
officials to collect and surrender all the arms and ammunition in their districts.
I collected most of the arms in my district, but did not surrender them to the
Chinese. I stored most of them underground to be used at the time of our
revolt. Only the old and out-dated weapons were surrendered which the
Chinese never understood. Not long after, stricter measures were taken
against the possession of arms. Al1 of the houses were to be raided
and not a single weapon could escape seizure. Special Chinese officials
were soon in Phen-po District to conduct the raids. There was no way to
protect the hidden arms from being discovered, so eventually I would face
arrest and imprisonment. I held a secret meeting with my fellow guerrillas to
discuss the grave developments. We decided t o k i l l t h e C hi n e s e
o f f i c i a l s a n d l ea d a r e v o l t a g a i ns t Chinese rule. The newly-arrived
Chinese officials were w el l - pr o te c te d a n d i t w a s no t g o i ng to b e
e a s y to k i l l them. Our best and only chance would be when they came to
meet with the local officials. I was the only Tibetan w h o w o u l d
a t t e n d s o I v o l u n t e e r e d t o s h o o t t h e t w o highest Chinese
officials at the meeting. Everything was prepared and I took a loaded
pistol with m e . I w a s no t s o m u c h n e r v o us a s a nx i o us a bo u t my
entrusted role. While waiting for the Chinese officials, we received a
report about the escape of some of our men. It seemed the Chinese suspected
there would be a guerrilla attack on the meeting and the official party did
not arrive on time. I r e a l i ze d t h a t e v er y t hi n g w a s o v er a n d t ha t
t h er e w a s nothing left but to await my arrest so I decided to try to
escape. I told my Chinese colleagues that the report could n o t b e tr ue a nd
I w a s g o i n g to c h e c k i t my s el f . I r o d e away on my horse and
without even informing my wife and son made my way directly to the
mountains. Our plot h a d l e a k e d a t th e l a s t m i n ut e. T he
p u n i s hm e nt f o r m y crime would be execution or at least life imprisonment.
After going some distance, I could see that I was being chased by
mounted Chinese soldiers. I climbed a nearby m o u nt a i n a n d hi d
m y s el f a mo ng t h e r o cks . I co ul d s e e everything below very
clearly. The Chinese soldiers surrounded the mountain on all sides and waited
for me to co m e do w n. I co ul d a l s o s ee t ha t th er e w e r e mo u nt ed
C h i ne s e a l l o v e r o ur v i l l a g e. A f te r s ev e r a l ho u r s t h e Chinese
withdrew, so I started coming down. I was too hungry to hide anymore.
But what I did not know was that
the Chinese were still watching me through their binoculars. I went
straight home for some food. Just as I began to eat, someone rushed
in saying that the Chinese soldiers had surrounded my house. I immediately
climbed up on the roof and jumped off from the back side. Luckily I did not
break a leg. When the Chinese came in to arrest me, I had vanished again. This
time I escaped to the upper village where my brother lived. This village was
comparatively safer as it was quite high and far from the main town. I had
firmly decided within myself to leave Phen-po for good. l told my
brother the whole story and suggested he should come with me. At first
he tried to dissuade me, but when he realized I would not listen, he
assured me that he would come too, b u t t ha t w e s ho u l d w a i t u nti l
m o r ni ng . I ha d co m pl et e f a i t h i n my b r o t h e r a n d s u s p e c t e d
n o t h i n g b u t t o m y d i s ma y , m y b r o t h e r h a d s e c r e t l y c a l l e d t h e
C h i n e s e t o a r r e s t me . M y b r o t h e r ' s b e t r a ya l , w h i c h I s t i l l
c a n n o t believe was a great blow to me. I felt defeated and thought that I
should happily face the Chinese punishments which I probably deserved. I
was arrested and imprisoned. As expected, I had to undergo all kinds of
inhuman torture in prison. Every day I would face questions, beatings,
and h a r d l a b o u r . I wa s b r o u g h t i n f r o n t o f t h e p u b li c a n d suffered
insults and beatings from all of them. I had to undergo a series of beatings,
but my body was able to withstand them all and nothing serious
happened to my health. But, one day, a local woman appeared before me to
abuse m e . S h e r o d e u p o n m y n e c k , p u n c h e d m e a b o u t m y
temples and spat in my face. As a result I developed an eye ailment
which nearly blinded me. I had not yet received the final sentence for my
crime. Since it had to come from a higher military officer, I had to wait and
in the meantime I was imprisoned with hard labour. One night I went
to the toilet which was near the prison gate. I s a w t h a t t h e g a t e wa s
o p e n a n d t h e r e wa s n o g u a r d . Along with another prisoner I ran through
it and escaped. The two of us had nothing to eat, but after a night on the
run we reached Lhasa, half dead with hunger and quite sure that we
would be re-arrested if we remained there long. Although I had no idea
how to get to India, I had h e a r d t h a t Hi s Ho l i n e s s t he D a l a i La ma
h a d a l r e a d y escaped there so my only wish was to do the same. I met a l a ma
a n d s o u g h t h i s a d v i c e . I r e q u e s t e d h i m t o ma k e prayers and
offerings to the Dharma Protectors and after this was done, I left Lhasa all alone
for India. When I had exhausted the little food I had been able to carry
from Lhasa I had to survive by begging. Very often I would not even get one
meal a day. After several days I was able to reach the border with Bhutan. The
passes were all blocked by heavy snow- fall, which would remain for mo n t h s ,
s o d a y a n d n i g ht I wa l k e d o n t o p o f t h e s n o w without proper
shelter. After some time, the soles of my shoes were totally worn out, so I
had to walk bare foot on the frozen snow. Soon my feet started bleeding but as
there was no place to stay and rest, I walked on. I remember that as I
walked I l e f t b l o o d y f o o t p r i n t s i n t h e s n o w . F i n a l l y i n t h i s
p o o r condition I reached Bhutan, where I found many Tibetans. It was a
great relief to have crossed the border safely. In B h u ta n I f o u n d I
c o u l d n o t mi x e a s i l y wi t h my f e l l o w Tibetans, because of the heavy
burden of mental anxiety I was under. A rumour was spread among the Tibetans
that I was a Chinese spy. It broke my heart, I could not take such a thing,
and so I went out crying and shouting like a ma d ma n t o p r o v e my
i n n o c e n c e . I t o l d t h e p e o p l e t h a t none of them had suffered in the
way l had, and asked why Chinese spy should suffer so much to escape
from the Chinese. An old Tibetan lady consoled me and gave me food
and clothing.

As a Refugee in India
Since Bhutan was not my final destination, I did not want to remain there
very long, even though I now had food clothing and shelter. I really
wanted to see His Holiness
And stay some- where near him. Someone advised me on how to get into India.
I was told to follow the railroad tracks across the border. I did so, and at
midnight I found myself at a railway station where I was received by Indian
policemen with batons and rifles. Without saying a single word, they beat
me so badly that I fell unconscious. The police had mistaken me for a Chinese
spy again. After finding that I was innocent and extremely wretched, they
let me go where I liked. I was completely confused about where to go
and how to get there. I kept saying, ''Dalai Lama'' to whomever I met, as if to
ask how I should get to wherever His Holiness lived. Then, I met a nun pilgrim
who spoke Tibetan. She helped me board a bus for Darjeeling where she
said there were many Tibetans. I n D a r j e e l i n g , I me t ma n y T i b eta ns ,
b u t I w a s r e a l l y shocked to find them all busy making their own living. No
one was doing anything for the 'Freedom of Tibet'. Even a f t e r f a c i n g
s u c h m i s e r y , m y o n l y d e s i r e w a s t o d o s o me th i ng to d r i v e
o ut th e C hi n es e a n d r e t ur n to my country. But here everything was
too discouraging. I was unable to accept the true situation in Tibet. In
order to suppress my anxiety and sadness, I started drinking and
became well known in the town as a drunkard. In order to start the first
Tibetan refugee settlement, I was sent along with hundreds of other Tibetans
to the south of India. I did not like the idea of establishing settlements,
as I thought this meant that we were not going back to T i b e t . S i n ce
t h e s e tt l e me n t co ns i s t ed o f no t hi n g b ut j u ng l e , w e ca m pe d i n
t e n ts a n d w o r ked a l l da y c ut ti n g down trees. Being single, I would
work hard during the day and drink off my day's earnings in the evening.
Work and drink became the major features of my daily life. After some time I
heard of the establishment of a special T i b e t a n u n i t o f t h e a r m y i n
I n d i a . W i t h o u t a s e c o n d thought I rushed to join up. I was
greatly encouraged, thinking that we would now fight the Chinese. I
remained i n t h e a r m y f o r n i n e y e a r s , b u t d u e t o m y
p e r s i s t e n t anxiety my health remained poor. I completed all the
basic training, and did twenty-two parachute jumps, almost breaking my head
once. I also participated in the Bangladesh War in 1971.

Beginning of Religious Life

E v e n t u a l l y, my p a s t e x p e r i e n c e s , m y c o n t i n u i n g po o r health, and
the teachings of my spiritual teachers brought about a great change in me. I
became deeply religious and started doing my preliminary practices in
the army camp. This was the beginning of my religious life. During my time
in the army I was constantly troubled by an ailment due to which my appetite
became poor and my overall health became very weak. One reason for this was
that I was not always on good terms with my companions and would get into
quarrels with them. Such breaches of military discipline would then lead
to punishments. In order to alleviate my health problems I performed
one hundred thousand prostrations. Then I approached the late
Venerable Cho-gyal from Namgyal Monastery, who was a spiritual teacher
there. W h e n I s o u g h t h i s d i v i n a t i o n a b o u t m y p r o b l e m , h e
c l e a r l y me n t i o n e d a n o l d i n ju r y w h i c h I h a d s u s t a i n e d wh e n I
w a s h i t b y a s t o n e d u r i n g a f i g h t ma n y ye a r s before. Struck by his
insight I gained a great faith in him and requested him to give me religious
instructions. He very gladly taught me the Guru-Yoga of Avalokiteshvara,
the Compassionate Buddha, written by His Holiness the14th Dalai
Lama. From then onwards, I would automatically visit him whenever I had
free time, and very often he would give me advice. At this time, apart
from knowing the alphabet, I could not read and had difficult time learning. But
with effort I taught myself and gained such satisfaction that I even dreamt of
reading scriptures. After this, Ven. Cho-gyal began to teach me the meaning of
religious texts, verse by verse, and I was surprised how quickly I understood. In
this way, I feel that I practised tithe best of my ability during my stay in the
army. A s t i m e w e n t o n , m y m i n d b e c a m e m o r e a n d m o r e
r e l i g i o u s l y i n c l i n e d . As a r e s u l t , d u r i n g m y h o l i d a ys I would
come to Dharamsala to receive teachings from His Holiness and his two tutors,
Kyab-je Ling Rin-po-che and Kyab-je Tri-jang Rin-po-che. Sometimes, while
travelling in Ladakh, I received teachings from Denma Lo-chu Rin-po-
che. These instructions greatly increased my resolution, but since I was
still in the army I could not practise religion with complete freedom.
Nevertheless, I was now determined from the bottom of my heart to make use
of my life, and when I looked back on my past I felt great regret for
having wasted my time. I decided that it w o u l d b e v e r y f o o l i s h
t o c o n t i n u e t o l i v e i n s u c h a fashion. In the army I tried my best to
do some religious practices, but they had no strength. When I had to take
part in the Bangladesh War, my practice limped on like a lame man. B e f o r e
t h e w a r b r o k e o u t , I h a d d o n e t h e me d i t a t i o n r e t r e a t o f V e r a
Yogini.

W h e n t h e w a r w a s o v e r , I performed the ritual fire offering, with

the help of Ven.Chogyal in the army camp. This ritual serves to compensate
for any faults committed during the retreat, or for anything that was not done or
was done improperly. S o o n a f t e r t h i s I t o o k a s h o r t l e a v e , i n o r d e r
t o ma k e arrangements to receive oral transmission of the Buddha’s
s c r i p t u r e s , wh i c h we r e t o b e g iv e n b y T r e - h o r G e - s h e Lob-sang
Thup-ten in Dharamsala. I returned to the army base once more, where I finally
said goodbye to military life.

Becoming a Monk

I reached Dharamsala on the 13th of the sixth Tibetan month, 1972. The
oral transmission started on the 15th of the same month. Before I left the
army, I had spent money carelessly, so when I reached Dharamsala I had
only Rs. 800. The oral transmission lasted for about eight months. During
that period, I did purification practices such as prostrations in the early
mornings and evenings, and received the oral transmission during the
day. At this time I received first the novice ordination and then full monk's
ordination. When the oral transmission ended, I had spent almost all my money.

With what remained, I decided to stay another four months in Mcleod Ganj,
Dharamsala, receiving further instructions. I was motivated by the same
d e t e r mi n a t i o n , wh i c h I h a d d e v e l o p e d i n t h e a r my , t o p r a c t i s e
t h e B u d d h a D h a r m a t i l l t h e e n d o f m y l i f e , whether I was able
to gain any realization or not. I did not worry about my livelihood, I decided to
begin begging for food as soon as the little money l had was finished. It did not
occur to me to look for a benefactor. Various signs gave me the
confidence that I would never suffer from the lack of food. During my one
year's stay in Dharamsala, I received a complete initiation and
discourses on Yamantaka from His Holiness inside his residence. Then I
received a brief i n s t r u c t i o n o f t h e S t a g e s o f t h e P a t h t o
E n l i g h t e n me n t from the late former Abbot of Namgyal Monastery. These
were the most important instructions which I received when I first came
to Dharamsala. After that first year had passed, thinking that the teaching
which I had received w a s e n o u g h , I d e c i d e d t o g o i n t o t h e
m o u n t a i n s t o meditate in retreat.
Retreat into the Mountains
By then, my money was completely finished and taking what little rice
and wheat flour remained and my old worn out bedding, I went into the
mountains. I found a cave which I covered with my army groundsheet where
I lived throughout the summer in retreat. As for food, I usually ate only at
noon. While I was in retreat I had only some dry bread to eat and
black tea to drink. However, I never felt disheartened with such poor food,
but instead it gave me joy. The cave was not only very damp, but also
too small, so that I could not stretch my legs out when I went to sleep.
Sometimes snakes would stick their heads in through the o p e n i n g o f my
c a v e . Th e r e I r e ma i n e d t h r o u g h ou t t h e summer without losing heart.
G e n e r a l l y s p e a k in g , i f a n yo n e h a d s e e n me t h e n t h e y wo u l d
h a v e t h o u g h t I wa s l i v i n g i n t r u l y u n b e a r a b l e conditions, but I never
felt troubled by it. This was due to my strong determination to make my life
meaningful, and now that I was actually practising religion, I pursued my
retreat with a joyful heart Because I maintained such an
attitude, even though I was living in poor material conditions during the
day, at night I had very auspicious dreams of meeting His Holiness,
other Lamas and Ven.Cho-gyal who had been my spiritual teacher while I
was in the army. I also dreamt of ladies offering me delicious foods. Such
encouraging signs appeared to me from the beginning of my retreat. At
the end of my summer retreat, I approached Den-maLo-chu Rin-po-che
and asked whether I should stay where I was by building a small hut or not.
He recommended that I should not build a hut for the time being, so I shifted
to a small hut, which was used by the shepherds in the summer, and I
stayed there for the winter. That year
His Holiness was to give the Kalachakra initiation in Bodhgaya. Since my
spiritual teacher was the former abbot of Namgyal Monastery, I went to see him
to a s k h i m w h a t I s h o u l d d o . S h o u l d I g o t o r e c e i v e t h e initiation
or should I stay in my hut? He replied that as I had received the
initiation once in Dharamsala, it would be better if I stayed where I
was and that although this initiation is very precious, in Bodhgaya
there would be t o o ma n y p e o p l e , w h i c h wo u l d n o t b e g o o d f o r
me . I decided to follow his advice and stay in the hut for the first three
months of winter. In the meantime, I exhausted my food supplies, so one
day I went to see the hermit Gen Ye -she Thop-
d e n , c o mmo n l y k n o wn a s Ge n Dr u b - t o p , wh o wa s s t a yi n g close
by my hut. I offered him a bundle of wood which I had picked up on my way. I
told him that as my food was completely run out, I intended to go begging in the
nearby Indian villages for one week. He kindly gave me Rs. 300with which I
bought more food and returned to my hut. As it turned out I did not need to
go begging. Some of my friends also started coming to offer me food, and so
I was able to spend another three months in the same hut. As the summer was
approaching and the shepherds were a b o u t t o r e t u r n , I w o u l d h a v e
n o p l a c e t o s t a y , s o I climbed another hill where I found another small
cave, in which I stayed another three months. I found this place
comfortable and not once during my stay did I have any dislike for it.

Facing Hindrances
I t i s a f a c t t h a t hi n d r a n c e s wi l l a r i s e wh i l e a r e l i g io u s practitioner
is doing his or her practice. I too had the same experience. During my stay in
the small shepherd's hut my neighbour was an old Indian man, who had no
family and lived alone. Usually Indians would not stay there throughout the
winter, but since I was staying he remained too, thinking that I would be a
companion for him. This old man was a devotee of Shiva and had
acquired some magical powers. Since we were neighbours, I often
used to offer him a glass of black tea with a little butter init. He liked the tea
very much and became very attached to it. One day my butter ran out, and I
thought that it would be pointless to offer him the black tea without any
butter. This upset him though I did not realize it at the time.
As a rule, he would offer me chapatis and some vegetables, and generally
speaking he was a nice fellow. One day, however, he used his magical power
on my tea and it would not brew. No matter how much tea I put into my pot,
the water remained tasteless. The water had no flavour even if I put salt
in it. I could not understand it. At that time it was snowing in the mountains, so
I thought it might somehow be due to melted snow in the river but
after some investigation I came to the conclusion that this strange
occurrence had nothing to do with such things. A f t er s o m e da y s , a s
t h e s i t ua ti o n ha d n o t c ha n g e d , I thought I should go see Gen Ye-
she Thop-den and ask him about it. I w e n t to h i m a nd o f f er e d hi m
s o me w o o d a n d a s k ed w he t he r hi s te a w a s br ew i n g o r no t. I
a l s o s o ug h t hi s advice regarding my plans to go out begging. He told me
that he was able to brew his tea as he always did. Then l
remembered that the problem had begun after I had
stopped giving tea to my Indian neighbour and realized that his
magical power must be causing the trouble. But
there was nothing I could do. Even my sleep was
disturbed: I dreamt of my body transforming into
something like a legless frog. Sometimes my body transformed into the
shape of a sack. At yet other times I dreamt of a red-clay pot and various
kinds of pups. I did not know how to combat the old man's magical power,
as I did not have any such power myself, except for my faith in the Three
Jewels. As this was the first experience I had of such things in my life, I had
no means of confronting his magical power. When I got back to my place, l
divided my remaining tealeaves into two lots, one of which I gave to the old
man. I explained that since my butter had finished I had thought that there was
no point in my offering him just black tea. I also showed him how to brew the
tea, and that very night I was able to make a rich brew as usual. A s a r e s u l t
o f t h i s e v e n t , I d e c i d e d t h a t i t w o u l d b e dangerous if a
practitioner did not acquire a little power in the course of his religious
practices. Shortly afterwards I decided to move away from him and find a
more remote place to stay. One day, when he was about to go out to
work in the local slate mine, I told him t h a t I w o u l d b e mo v i ng to
s o mew h er e l o w er d o w n t h e mo un t a i n . A c t ua l l y , I c l i mb e d to a
m u c h hi g h er mo r e remote place and in this way I escaped from him. I
stayed there for some time. Following this encounter, though many
other ways are explained to ward off black magic, I thought it would be wise
to possess some power of my own. I decided to stay in a small cave near the
Tibetan Children's Village, and do an intensive retreat meditating on the
Solitary Yamantaka,the wrathful aspect of Manjushri. I then set about making
the necessary preparations for the retreat. Cham-do Ge-she gave me two
kilograms of barley flour which I used for making offering cakes. Gen Lama-la,
who is another of the hermits there, gave me Rs.40

Wi t h wh i c h I b o u g h t s o me o t h e r t h i n g s I n e e d e d a n d
i mme d i a t e l y we n t i n t o r e t r e a t . I p e r f o r me d t h e r e t r e a t without
haste, which involved repeatedly meditating on the deity Yamantaka, his
attributes and environment, and r e c i t i n g a s p e c i f i e d n umb e r o f h i s
ma n t r a s . I t t o o k me about five months. Du r i n g t h e r e t r e a t I s a w
ma n y a u s p i c i o u s s i g n s i n my dreams such as the sounds of butchering in
general, grass-cutters, vultures and so forth, predatory hawks and women selling
meat. Every night I had dreams and some of them were very
f r i g h t e n i n g . Du r i n g t h e l a t t e r p a r t o f my r e t r e a t I h a d sufficient
supplies, but during the earlier part I had to go t w i c e t o b e g f o r f o o d
f r o m t h e s t o r e a t t h e T i b e t a n C h i l d r e n ’s ' Vi l l a g e s c h o o l .
S o me o f t h e o t h e r h e r mi t s nearby also offered me food and other
necessities which they had begged for themselves. When it came to the time
for me to perform the Ritual Fire Offering, I had gathered all the necessary
materials. Having completely relied upon the deity Yamantaka, the signs of
hindrance lessened and my heart became relaxed. I stayed there for one year,
and then went up to Triund, where I stayed in a small cave for about forty
days, but I found the passing trekkers rather disturbing. To reach my
next place I had to climb up for some time, but as I did not stick to
one place for long, I shifted to a l o we r c a v e , wh i c h wa s i n t h e
mi d s t o f t h e f or e s t . Th i s cave was very damp and was a very
uncomfortable place to stay. I also had other difficulties there although I
had auspicious dreams. From the point of view of my f a c i l i t i e s , I wa s
r e a l l y i n a mi s e r a b l e c o n d i t i o n. Th i s discouraged me and the
thought of leaving arose within me, which gave me great sadness.
Intensifying Practice
As for the way to practise Tantra, Lama Tsong-kha-pa has firmly emphasized
that practice of the Completion Stage
must be preceded principally by practice of the Generation Stage. Generally
speaking, it takes three years to perfect the Generation Stage. Following
Tsong-kha-pa's advice I made the decision to complete meditation on the
Generation Stage first. After I had made this decision, I dreamt of an old
lady offering me v e r y d e l i c i o u s f o o d , s o me t h i n g w h i c h l o o k e d
l i k e melted butter and chang (Tibetan beer) in a triangular cup. The offering
was exceptionally delicious and I drank it all. Then I told her that even if it was
all melted butter I would be able to drink the whole lot. Thus, I felt very
hopeful that if I practiced, my potential would surely ripen, so I made
the firm resolution to practise genuinely. First, I
began to meditate on the Generation Stage, following the Chakrasamvara
system. Each day I did two meditation sessions. At the beginning of each
session I would meditate briefly, point by point, on the Generation Stage. In
addition I also meditated on some aspect of the Completion Stage, though
during these sessions I mainly meditated on the Stages of the Path to
Enlightenment ( Lam Rim ).During this period I sometimes felt a severe dislike
for the place. To c o u n t e r s u c h t h o ug h t s I wo u l d r e a d M i l a r e p a ' s
biography and that helped me very much. I was moved in t h e d e p t h o f my
h e a r t b y h i s co u r a g e a n d ev e n tu a l attainment of enlightenment.
T e a r s r o l l e d do w n m y ch e eks w he n I r e a d a bo u t t h e hardships
he bore and I prayed to him single-pointedly. A f t e r t h a t I n ev er
h a d s u c h a v e r s i o n f o r s t a y i ng i n m ed i t a t i o n . T h e pl a c e w a s
t o o co l d to s ta y i n f o r t he winter, so I shifted to a place where the
villagers used to k e e p t h e i r c o w s a n d s t a y e d t h e r e f o r o n e
m o n t h o f a u t umn . It w a s a l m o s t t o o co l d f o r m e t h er e a s w el l
a s being too remote for me to go begging, so I moved to an empty hut
near Gen Ye-she Thop-den and stayed there for the winter. Before this last
move, when I was doing the visualizations of my Generation Stage
practices, I sometimes used to experience an unusual appearance of light.
Although my main practice was Heruka, I also practised Vajra Yogini
d a i l y . D ur i n g t h e co ur s e o f t h e s e l f - g e ne r a t i o n r i te
o f VajraYogini, there comes a point where you do mental recitation,
which I did twice a day, for about twenty days. At this time I used some
money offerings that had been
made on behalf of someone who had died, which obscured the clarity
of my mind. So I decided not to use such offerings that had been
made for the dead, thinking that otherwise they would eventually be my
ruin. Now, the hermit who owned the hut where I was staying was
about to return, so I had to leave. I had no courage to become like Mi-la-re-pa
and live without food, but at the same time I was determined not to touch
offerings which people had set out on behalf of the dead. One day, as summer
was approaching, I set out in search of a cave in the empty valley which
faces the Dauladhar range, above the hill where Gen Ye-she Thop-den
was staying. Thinking I might need to stay there for a night I t o o k
s o me u te ns i l s a n d s o m e b e d di ng o n my ba ck. On reaching the
valley, instead of finding a cave, I found it was a very poor place, covered
only with rocks and more rocks. Amidst all of these rocks, I was completely
d i s h e a r te n ed G e n er a l l y , I w o u l d b eg i n t h e da y by reciting the
Six Session Guru Yoga Prayer, Then, after having tea, I would examine my
motivation and if I could not generate a proper attitude of wishing to benefit
others, such that it brought tears to my eyes, then my virtuous
a c ti o n s w o ul d no t b e po w er f ul tha t da y a n d my he a r t would not
be at peace. May I die alone in my cave with no one around, as a wild
horse dies in an uninhabited valley; lf this wish is accomplished, I shall be
fully satisfied. I prayed in the same manner as Mi-la-re-pa, but l could
not find any place to stay and the night was approaching fast. However just
then I had a vision of light. Even when I c l o s e d my ey e s th i s v i s i o n di d
n o t di mi ni s h. I n f a c t, since it was a mental appearance, it became
stronger when I c l o s e d m y e y e s . T h e n , b y a n a l y s i n g t h e
o b j e c t o f observation, I found it to be an empty space filled with an all-
pervading light, and a variety of flowers. The experience was indescribable.
I had been doing the mental recitation of Vajra Yogini when I had this
experience, and it was most probably on the 10th day of the 10th
month of the Tibetan calendar that a fierce, blissful heat arose within
me for the first-time. The heat first started from the navel, the experience
was something like shooting sparks of fire. That night I had a very
significant dream in which I saw signs concerning my successful visit
to the West. While meditating upon the light, I could expand it or contract it
into a tiny speck Sometimes I meditated on this light at my navel,
however, mostly I followed in the system of F i v e - De i t y H e r u k a ,
w h i c h i s a l s o my p r e f e r e n c e , a n d meditated on this light at my heart.
The reason for doing this is that by taking the light as an object on which
to focus the mind, I could move its energy about wherever I liked without
difficulty Thus, 1 would be able to focus the mi n d a t t h e h e a r t wi t h o u t
a n y d i f f i c u l t y a nd me d i t a t e there. While doing this kind of meditation a
special bliss would be generated within me. A l t h o u g h t h i s w a s n o t a
f u l l y q u a l i f i e d b l i s s , i t w a s definitely better than any ordinary
pleasure. Therefore, I agreed with Khedup Sangay Ye-she who said, ''After the
great bliss we can experience the special bliss if we really do the practice. “S o
b e c a u s e o f t h i s s ma l l e x p e r i e n c e , I p r a c t i s e d t h i s me t h o d mo r e
a n d mo r e r i g o r o u s l y. I r e c i t e d t h e b r i e f manuals of Guhyasamaja,
Heruka and Yamantaka and put m y e f f o r t a n d st r e n g t h i n t o
me d i t a t i n g o n me t h o d a s opposed to wisdom, as the core of my practice.
When I had been following this practice for one year, I gained a
significant sign of attainment. I was able to draw t h e e n e r g y wi n d i n t o t h e
c e n t r a l p s yc h i c c h a n n e l . As Tsong-kha-pa has said, one should be
mindful of the signs when the winds start entering the central channel. In
my case, I could have become mindful of the signs but they did not
appear to me quickly.
It was my experience that it was very difficult for the energy-wind to
penetrate the vital points of my body. Sometimes I felt really discouraged,
but did not give up for I could find nothing better to do than this
meditation.

Completion Stage Practice

From then on I could not continue meditating upon the Generation Stage
and was forced to shift my meditation tithe Completion Stage. I really do
not know what caused this change, it might have been due to the appearance
of light or it might have been because I had meditated upon the Generation
Stage in my previous lives. S o , t h i n k in g t h a t i t wo u l d n o t ma k e a n y
d i f f e r e n c e i f I could generate the realizations of the Completion Stage, I
stuck to meditating on the Completion Stage. Sometimes even when the wind
would not penetrate the vital points o f my b o d y, I w o u l d n o t g e t
d i s c o u r a g e d , b u t w o u l d strengthen my resolve to practise this meditation,
even at the cost of my life. Sometimes when the wind ran astray from
the vital points, it would descend and gather in my right and left hips,
giving me severe pain. Such difficulties occurred for two or three years. Then
year after year my practice became better and better. As time passed people
started bringing me more and more o f f e r i n g s , b u t I we n t o n t a k i n g t h e
s a me p l a i n f o o d a s before.

I set aside all the offerings, especially those that had been made on
behalf of the dead, and offered them to high lamas, my system of
meditation is concerned with t h e g e n e r a t i o n o f b l i s sf u l h e a t , b u t
me r e l y a c t u a l i s i n g blissful heat within the body is not enough, it
should be made to enter into the central psychic channel, because
The bliss would be incomplete if the heat remained outside the central channel.
If that were to happen one would not remain satisfied with the bliss and
many different signs would appear. And in between these experiences there is
a danger of giving up one's vows. S p e a k i n g f r o m my o wn e x p e r i e n c e ,
a t t h i s s t a g e o n e ’ s desire is at its peak. If one cannot gain a satisfactory
bliss t h e r e i s e v e r y d a n g e r o f b e c o mi n g mo r e a t t r a c t e d t o wo me n .
F r o m t h i s p o i n t o f v i e w , I wou l d s a y t h a t t h i s system of
meditation is very dangerous. As for myself I was able to avoid such
obstructions through the practice of mindfulness. I d i d m o s t o f t h i s
m e d i t a t i o n i n t h e f o r e s t a b o v e t h e Tibetan Children's village.

The structure of my meditation

on this and on other practices was based upon the altruistic intention to
benefit others. I have gained a firm realization and appreciation of the
special quality of the altruistic aspiration for enlightenment. This is
due to the kindness of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, who has continually
explained to us that each of us is just a single person, while all others are
countless. I put my energy into cultivating the altruistic aspiration for
enlightenment, by contemplating the equality of all sentient beings, who
are essentially the same, in as much as they are devoid of happiness and trapped
in suffering. Through the strength of this altruistic attitude, my meditation on
blissful heat improved greatly.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama's Advice

One day, just before he passed away, the former abbot of Namgyal Monastery
advised me to seek an audience with H i s H o l i n e s s , a n d w h e n I m e t
h i m I r e p o r t e d a l l m y experiences and circumstances over the last seven
years. A year later, a man was sent from the Office of H.H. the Dalai
Lama, to offer me sixty rupees (the office is giving each hermit Rs.60 per
month). In my heart, I did not wish to accept the gift but, since the man was
sent personally tome, I took it and with this I began to buy some better food to
eat. This improvement in my diet did not have a bad effect on my
spiritual practice. On the other hand, because of the signs shown by the
Dharma Protectors, especially Pal-den Lha-mo, I gained confidence that my
practice was improving. Next I meditated for two years in the very high
mountain regions, moving from one cave to another. During my
meditation, although I could observe signs of progress in my meditation
practice, I could still not maintain these signs constantly. But as one
year followed another my strength of awareness steadily increased. After
another two years of such practice some Western doctors came to
examine and measure my psychic heat. They were able to gain some
understanding of psychic heat from the examination.

Prior to their visit, thinking

that my renunciation and altruistic aspiration for enlightenment were dev
eloped, I went to see His Holiness. However he was not concerned about
them and did not ask me any questions about them. I had to explain my
understanding of the philosophical view twice, but he did not make any
comment on my interpretation. From t hi s I g u es s ed th a t m y
u n d er s ta n di ng o f t h e v i ew w a s incomplete. As for the texts which I had
relied on, I only had some notes on the view. I had not even tried to
read the chapter on Special Insight in the Stages of the Path ( L a m
R i m ) w r i t te n b y T s o n g - k h a - pa , t hi n ki ng th a t I would not
understand it because I had not done any study in my youth. At this point I
perceived an appearance of Emptiness in my practice. The appearance
of Emptiness in the light I experienced was capable of generating an
extraordinary realization of dependent arising. I could understand
that Emptiness was a lack of inherent existence, although it
seemed that this realization could be confirmed, E mp t i n es s i ts el f
c o u l d no t b e co n f i r m ed. A co m p l e t e explanation is not possible.
Shortly afterwards, I had another audience. Again His
Holiness did not seem to be satisfied with my understanding of
the view, and suggested that I read the S p e ci a l I ns i g h t s e c ti o n o f
t h e G r ea t E x p o s i t i o n o f t h e Stages of the Path ( Lam Rim Chen Mo ) and
report back to him. After returning from the audience I started reading
the Special Insight section from the Great Exposition. But I did not read
it in detail. After six months I had yet another audience.

His Holiness asked me whether or not I had read the great Special Insight
section. I replied that I had not read it. He again examined my
understanding of the view and finding that it was still incomplete, he
advised me to read either the Great Commentary of the Sakyas or the Special
Insight section of the Great Exposition of the Stages of the Path ( Lam Rim
Chen Mo ). He emphasized that there was no alternative. Following his advice,
I climbed the hill above the Tibetan Children’s village school. Taking the Great
Exposition of the Stages of the Path text ( Lam Rim Chen Mo ) with me, I stayed
in a small cave for one year. I began reading the Stages of the Path ( Lam
Rim ) from the beginning and w he n I r e a c h e d t he c ha p ter o n
S pe c i a l I ns i g h t , m a n y significant signs began to appear in my dreams,
indicating my success in finding the correct view. In one dream, I saw men
and women indistinguishable from each other, men wearing women's
clothes, women wearing men's robes, and so forth which indicated
the nature of Suchness.

In addition, I had many other strange dreams, looking o v e r thi s

c h a pt er r e a l l y hel p ed me i n g a i ni n g a d ee p er understanding of the
view. After having thoroughly read
the great Special Insight section, I sought another a u d i en c e w i t h H i s
H o l i ne s s a n d ex p l a i ne d to hi m m y understanding of the view.
I explained the ways to recognize the object of negation; the way to
understand emptiness by relying on the reasoning of dependent
arising, and to understand dependent arising through knowledge of
emptiness. His Holiness was very pleased with my explanation. Still,
he raised a slight objection to my description of the object of negation. So,
I thought that I had been unable to untie the ultimate knot in
understanding the view. After returning from the audience, that very
night, in a dream someone showed me a s cr i pt ur e , s a y i n g i t w a s the
E i g h t T ho u s a n d V er s es (Perfection of Wisdom Sutra). However, as I
could not read the title, I interpreted it as meaning that my
understanding was not yet complete. I again read through the great chapter on
Special Insight and contemplated the various means of apprehending the
object of negation. O n e c a n a n a l y s e t h e a c t u a l n a t u r e o f
p e r s o n s a n d o f phenomena, but then I analysed and meditated mostly
on the nature of the "I" or person for several days.

Then one night just before dawn, I was awakened suddenly from my s l ee p .
J u s t bef o r e t ha t i n my dr e a m s o meo n e ha d bee n d i v i d i n g
m e a t , s a y i n g t h a t i t h a d b e e n g i v e n b y H i s Holiness. As I
received my share, I suddenly woke up. After this I could sleep no longer,
so, still lying in my bed, I analysed the object of negation and emptiness
of true e x i s t e n ce a n d g a i ne d a v e r y s p e ci a l un d er s ta n di n g
o f emptiness. I want to emphasize here that instead of observing the
nature of other phenomena it is effective to analyse the nature of the
"I" or person. To do this it is very helpful if one can first observe the way the "I"
exists, and proceed to analyse its appearance to the mind, investigating
whether or not that "I" exists within the five aggregates, collectively or
individually. When all these analyses are
relied upon together with the logical reasoning of d e p e nd e n t a r i s i n g ,
t h e n o ur u n d er s t a n di ng o f t h e tr u e nature of phenomena can be
really profound. This is what I felt as I lay in bed analysing these things.

Then, just as the strength of my realization of emptiness had almost

vanished, I fell asleep again. Again I had a very special dream. I was
approaching a house where there was plenty of food and many girls were
s i n g i ng a T i b et a n s o ng - A M A - L E - H O. T h en I f o u n d myself sitting in
a room and a girl came up with a jug full of chang and a cup. She told me that
this was an offering from His Holiness, so I should drink it then and there. As
the cup came into my hand, I awoke and found that the day had already
dawned.

From then onwards, whenever I saw any reference to the

father Nagajurna or his spiritual son, Arya Deva, concerning dependent
arising quoted in Tsong-kha-PA’s
texts, my heart would fill with great joy and the understanding I had
gained would become fresher and fresher. Moreover, my understanding of
the view did not diminish. I continued to experience the light in meditation as
before. Then one day, I had an audience with His Holiness and reported
my understanding of the view. He was really extremely pleased with
me After that he did not ask me
any questions, due to which I myself also gained confidence. Next, I came
down and stayed near the T.C.V.School for one year. During that time the
doctors came to examine my psychic heat. After the examination, though I
don’t know what their scientific tests showed, they accepted that heat was
generated.
Retreat into Remoter Regions - Further Hindrances
Again I climbed to a very remote place, deep in the forest where no Tibetan
or any other person had ever visited. Before moving there, I dreamt of
lepers and sick people without legs and arms. However, without paying
attention to these dreadful signs, I continued to stay in that remote cave in a
remote valley where there was not a single other person to be seen. Generally
for a spiritual practitioner, his inner practice
develops as his external surroundings become more
dreadful. It is particularly important for a tantric p r a c t i t i o n e r t o s t a y
i n a s e c l u d e d p l a c e . Wh i l e I wa s staying in this cave, I dreamt of
lepers without legs and arms continuously for several days. In addition,
from the time I reached there, my back started aching severely, and I had no
medicine with me. In the past, when I suffered f r o m d i a r r h o e a , my
f r i e n d s wo u l d s o me t i me s g i v e me me d i c i n e , t h o u g h I n e v e r
c a r e d f o r i t , n o r d i d I t h i n k I needed it. Thus, even when I had this
severe pain, I did not think of taking any medicine. Instead, following
the example of the great Kadampa Lama who cured his own leprosy in this way,
I meditated rigorously on Giving and Ta k i n g , t h e p r a c t i c e o f
visualizing g i v i ng benefit and
happiness to others while accepting their harm and unwholesomeness. After
one month my pain had gone and the illusions caused by the local spirit were
also pacified. However, I must say that this local spirit was
exceptionally powerful. He seemed to be the master of all the spirits in the
region. The path to the place where I used to go to get water was very steep and
far from the cave. I used to take a 20 litre plastic container. However much
I tried to be careful of the path, I fell at the same place three times. No
matter how careful I tried to be or how much I tried to avoid it, I would fall
down and since the area was very rough and rocky I always hurt myself.
Another time, I went to wash my clothes and take a bath in a nearby stream.
After I had done that and I was returning, even while my awareness was
clear, I slipped backwards into the stream, drenching all my lower garments. I
w a s c o n v i n c e d t h a t t h e r e mu s t b e s o me o t h e r f o r c e r e s p o n s i b l e
f o r t h e s e h a p p e ni n g s , wh i c h c a u s e d me t o become slightly angry.
Since I had gone there in order to do religious practice as perfectly as I
could, I had never b r o ke n t h e br a nc h es o f a ny tr e es f o r my f i r e,
s o th a t I would not disturb the wild animals or spirits. But things did not
improve. After some time, I fell twice at the door of my cave, once
while I was bringing water and once while I was bringing a dry log for
my fire. In addition to this, I had dreams of worms, insects, snakes
and scorpions, and I actually came across a huge black snake facing me
threateningly on the path to the pond. I t h o u g h t t h a t I s h o u l d n o w
d o s o m e t h i n g a b o u t i t . I reflected that even the Buddha’s and
Bodhisattvas had to manifest themselves in wrathful forms in order to
tame unruly sentient beings. I n t h e p a s t I h a d b e e n a b l e t o
o v e r c o m e a n y k i n d o f interference by meditating on Giving and
Taking. But I had exhausted those peaceful means. So now in order to
dispel these interferences, I generated the divine pride of Yamantaka and
recited his fierce mantra, Yama Raja, for one round of my rosary; every evening
and night. One night, soon after beginning to do this I had a dream of fighting
with a huge dark man. He did not appear to be the manifestation of any god or
spirit and I myself was also in my ordinary form. The circumstances of our
fight were l i k e t h i s . A t t h e b e g i n n i n g o f m y d r e a m I h a d
b e e n circumambulating a small circular area, at the centre of w h i ch
w e r e s o m e c hi l dr e n ho l di n g f i ne c o r ds i n t h ei r hands. The ropes
wound round my legs and got tangled. I became annoyed and demanded
that the children tell me who had told them to do this. They pointed at a
huge dark man. Then, I ask him why, and when he did not answer me,
we began to fight. After a while, he backed off and accepted defeat.
Then, I cut off nearly all the cords with my vegetable knife and broke
the remainder with stones though they did not need to be completely
severed. I won that fight and dreamt the same on two more occasions. I
would often throw him to the ground while reciting the w o r d s o f
t a k i n g R e f u g e i n t h e B u d d h a , D h a r m a a n d Sangha. After his
third defeat, the dark man shrank in size until he was so tiny that I could put
him into a hole in the ground. I started to cover the hole with stones to
put an e n d to hi m , w h en I w a s p r ev e nt e d by p eo pl e , s o m e
o f whom looked like sadhus, while others looked Bhutanese. After this, I did
not fall down anymore. I had overcome the interferences through the
practice of my special Meditational Deity, Vajrabhairava or Yamantaka.
Although I had intended to stay there during the winter, the nearby
stream from which I took my water became smaller and smaller and,
because of the cold weather, the pond soon froze over. So, I was unable to stay
in that cave for more than 4 months. I moved to a cave near Gen Yeshe
Thopden’s retreat hut, where I stayed for one year. After that, I moved to a
small cave further up the hill where I stayed for almost three y e a r s .
H e r e , t he s i g ns o f my m e d i ta ti v e i m pr o v em e nt steadily increased.
Before, Yongzin Ling Rinpoche passed away, I was able to report to Him
that when the
weather was favourable and other external conditions were assembled, I
could experience the Three Dissolutions in Meditation –
the Minds of White Appearance, Red Increase and Black Near-
Attainment although these are not the actual experience but merely
semblances of them. If they were the actual dissolutions, then, as they
manifest, Conceptual Thoughts would cease, which is a quality of highly
realized yogis. Th us , wh e n t h e e x t e r n a l a n d i n t e r n a l c o n d i t i o n s
w e r e a s s e mb l e d , I c o u l d b e c o me a w a r e o f a l l t h e d i f f e r e n t levels
of dissolutions. Yongzin Ling Rinpoche was really very pleased with my report.
Wh i l e I wa s s t a yi n g i n t h e s a me c a v e a f t e r wa r d s , r e a l
peace and happiness dawn on me because I gained experience of Great
Bliss and Emptiness. Something that c a n n o t b e g i v e n b y o t h e r s b u t c a n
o n l y b e g a i n e d f o r oneself. Up to this point, I had spent twelve years in
these various caves, but wishing to engage in more penetrating meditation, I ask
His Holiness if I should move to another place. He advised me to do so and I
moved to a village in Kinnuar. But I had hardly been staying there a few months
w h e n I h a d t o s t a r t g o i n g h e r e a n d t h e r e i n o r d e r t o prepare
for my visit to the west. I left there in the autumn and in the Winter I went to
Bodhgaya. During the following years, I left for America so that the
scientists and doctors there could examine my psychic heat. I will
briefly describe the circumstances of that visit.

Scientific Test – Visit to America

Tantra has been described as a technique for transforming desire into a path of
spiritual development. Now, with the exception of highly adept yogis who are
not dependent on these, it is my experience that we who are still on the path are
dependent on external conditions. In the text, it says that in dependence
on sensual objects, the practitioner can increase his inner realizations. However,
during my visit to the United States, instead of meeting with conducive
external conditions, I was confronted with many obstacles. I encountered
many difficulties there. In the tradition of practice, known as the “Six
Yogas of Naropa”, psychic heat is described as the root and foundation of the
t a n t r i c p a t h . Th e f u n c t i o n o f t h i s h e a t i s t o g e n e r a t e a pristine
awareness of Great Bliss. When the experience of bliss and heat are equally
strong and they are accompanied by the necessary conditions, the
psychic channels naturally become supple and the energy wind fluent.
So the heat which is the primary force for making the wind and channels usable,
and the Great Bliss which is dependent on this heat, are the two essential
factors of Highest Yoga Tantra.

Now the tantric scriptures explain that in order to increase the potency of
the blissful heat, it i s n e c e s s a r y t o r e l y o n e x t e r n a l c o n d i t i o ns
w h i c h a r e harmonious to one’s mind. Although it is not proper to
indulge in luxury, imposing over-great hardships on oneself is also unhelpful.
Before reaching America, I underwent many difficulties. I had to travel from
Dharamsala to Delhi in a bus for twelve hours at night on uneven winding
roads. This rough ride shook up my whole body and made me vomit. Then I
had to travel on a plane for several hours. I did not get time to rest well.
Through experience I had found that meditation is very much related to
climatic conditions. When I finally
arrived in America, day and night were completely reversed from what I
was used to. I arrived at ten in the morning, rested the next day and the
examination started the day after that despite my feeling exhausted
which is not conducive to good meditation. Before examining my
m e di ta ti o n , t he d o cto r s to o k s o m e o f my bl o o d.

F o r a t a n tr i c pr a c ti ti o n e r , t h e r e d a n d w hi t e dr o ps , o f w hi ch
b l o o d f o r ms t h e r e d, a r e th e e s s en t i a l ma te r i a l w hi c h provide the
energy of the practice and should not be lost. Consequently, after my blood
had been taken, my body felt very heavy and lethargic. My sleep was also
unusually heavy. The test lasted for three days, on the very first
of w h i c h t h e y t o o k s o m e o f m y b l o o d , w h i c h m a k e m e
anxious and apprehensive that my meditation would be affected. I
deeply regretted this unwise beginning. The next day, they conducted an
examination of my brain and on the following day, the real test on my
winds and heat were to be done.

During our stay in America, the weather was generally cold, the water was
frozen in the lakes and rivers and it was snowing. On top of that, the
laboratory where they conducted the tests was purposely refrigerated. They
took away my upper robes, leaving my upper body e x p o s e d e x c e p t f o r
a t h i n v e s t . I f I h a d b e e n a b l e t o meditate there, in this, it would
have been alright, but due to the coldness of the laboratory and the loss of
blood, my strength had been weakened. A s er i es o f t e s t s w a s
c o n d u c t e d to m e a s ur e p hy s i c a l condition before entering
meditation. This took a lot of time and my body became frozen. T he n I
w a s s u d de nl y a s k e d to b eg i n med i ta ti o n. T h e cushion which was
made of sponge, did not give stable support to my body. Because of this, I
felt that the energy wind had become frozen at the navel and would not
enter the channels, even after half an hour.

As described in the text, the frozen wind caused a shaking and shivering
of the body. However hard I tried to suppress it, I was not successful.
So I became worried that my meditation was n o t g o i n g to w o r k
t h a t da y . T h er ef o r e, I s to p pe d f o r a w hi l e a n d r emo v e d t he
c u s hi o n. S i t ti ng o n t he f l o o r , I meditated again, changing the focus
from the navel to the heart. This time, the winds quickly became flexible. Due
to the blessing of the Three Jewels, I was able to withdraw t h e e n e r g y
w i n ds i nt o th e ps y c hi c c ha n ne l s , w hi c h i s difficult to do even under
normal conditions. Usually, I focus my visualization either at the navel or at
the heart depending on the conditions at the time. If the p o w er o f
t h e h ea t i s d i m i n i s hi n g i t ca n be r ev i v e d by do i ng i nt e ns i v e
v i s u a l i za ti o n a t th e na v el . I n o r d er t o withdraw the wind into the
channels it is better to do the visualization at the heart. On this occasion
since the wind d i d n o t en t er i nto a n y o f t he c ha nn e l s , w he n I
s ta r te d meditating again, I focused on the heart.

Because of the opposing conditions I have mentioned, my meditation was

not as strong as usual. But the scientists who witnessed it thought that it was
really marvellous. Karma Ge-lek who accompanied me, told me that from
start to finish it took f i v e ho ur s , bu t to me i t s eem e d to ha v e
l a s t e d o nl y a couple of hours. Later Karma told me that the process
of measuring my physical condition prior to meditation and the first part of the
meditation session during which I had difficulties, lasted about an hour. Then
for four hours they did all kinds of tests measuring the rate of my
breathing, my pulse, the temperature of my body and so forth. In
short they conducted whatever tests they liked.

When the meditation session was over I could tell from the scientists'
faces that they were satisfied, and they said so too. With their instruments the
scientists could see such things a s h ea t , m o v e m e n t o f w i nd a nd bl o o d,
a n d my br a i n waves. There are certain things however which cannot be seen
by their instruments, such as the non-dual wisdom of G r e a t B l i s s a n d
E m p t i n e s s , w h i c h i s t h e r o o t o f a l l Realisations. Therefore the
tantric texts say that it is the basic principle of Tantra to generate a
subjective blissful wisdom realising emptiness through the withdrawal, abiding
and dissolution of the winds in the central psychic channel.

Through my experience I have found this to be true. If one's blissful heat

is increased, it is not difficult to make the winds and channels supple
according to one ‘s o w n w i l l . T he r e f o r e w i t ho ut th e s u bj e ct i v e
w i s do m o f great bliss realizing emptiness, it would be impossible to gain
control over the winds and channels. Lama Tsong-kha-pa Himself has
praised the wisdom of Great Bliss as the life of the tantric path.

After returning from America, having collected my bedding and so forth, I

am for the time being staying in Dharamsala in order to receive some
teaching from His H o l i nes s t he D a l a i L a m a a n d r e po r t o n my v i s i t
t o t he various officials concerned. So this briefly, is the story of my life. At
present I have not gained any realization that can be seen by other
people. Nevertheless I have a peace and h a p p i n es s tha t f ew peo pl e
p o s s es s . W h e t he r y o u a r e f a m o us o r no t , r ea l i z a t i o n i s
d e p e nd e nt o n y o u r o w n efforts and must be experienced by yourself.

In the autumn of 1988, Lob-sang Tenzin left Dharamsala to attend a

teaching given by His Holiness the Dalai Lama in Manali. While there
for whatever reason, he fell ill but did not consult a doctor preferring to cure
himself through meditation as he had done before.

After the teaching he returned to his

hermitage above Dharamsala, but his condition did not improve. A fellow
hermit asked a doctor to visit him and he c o n f i r me d Lo b - s a n g
T e n z i n ' s o wn f e e l i n g t h a t h i s a i l m e n t could not be cured by medicine.
He died in Dharamsala on one of the major holy days of the Buddhist
calendar that commemorates the Buddha's descent f r o m t h e H e a v e n
o f t h e Th i r t y - Th r e e , wh e r e h e h a d b e e n teaching his mother. A true
yogi he remained in meditation for a number of days after his death.