Show: Invisible Friends

By: Alan Ayckbourn

Character: Lucy

This is my room. No one is allowed in here except for me. I'm a very tidy sort of
person. Which is a bit extraordinary in this house. I think I must be a freak. I actually like to
know where I have put my things. This is my bed. And this is my desk. And up there on the shelf
are my special, most favorite books. Actually one of the reasons that I keep it tidy is because my
very, very special friend, Zara, also like things tidy. Oh yeah, I should explain to you about Zara
shouldn't I? You may have heard my mom talking about my invisible friend? Well, this is
Zara. Zara, say hello to my friends. And won't you say hello to Zara, she did say hello to you. I
invented Zara when I was seven or eight. Just for fun. I think I was ill at the time and wasn't
allowed to play with any of my real friends, so I made up Zara. She's my special friend that no
one else can see, except me. Of course, I can't really see her either. Not really. Although
sometimes I—it's almost as if I could see her, sometimes. If I concentrate very hard it's like I can
just glimpse her out of the corner of my eye. Still… Anyway… I've kept Zara for years and
years, it's been almost ten years now actually. Until they all started saying I was much too old for
that sort of thing and got worried and started talking about sending for a doctor. So then I didn't
take her round with me quite so much after that. But she's still here. And when I feel really sad
and depressed, I sit and talk to Zara. Zara always understands. Zara always listens.



 Show: A…My Name is Still Alice
By: Kate Shein
Character: Woman

Excuse me, are you the registry consultant? Well, I'm here to register! For gifts. I'm very
excited. When is the happy event? There isn't one. I'm not getting married. I'll probably never get
married. Yes, I know that you only register brides. Frankly, I find that a little discriminatory. I'm
here to register and I really don't want any hassle. No, no—don't get the manager. It's just that
yesterday while I was attaching tiny silver bells to a spice rack for my friends, this voice inside
my head started screaming at me. It said, "Schmuck! Why do you keep buying presents for
people who have found everything they want?" Isn't it enough that they fell in love? They've
already won the sweepstakes, why do they need door prizes? Now then, I need things. I need
matching luggage. Candlesticks! Put me down for two pairs! Come on, just do it! I know I'm
single. I confront that fact every day of my life. You want to know when the special event is? A
week from Saturday. I'm throwing a shower to announce a life of singlehood, and the beauty is I
won't have to return anything if it doesn't work out!



 Show: The Food Chain
By: Nicky Silver
Character: Amanda

I was reading my paper when the waiter came over and asked if I was alone. Well! It was
obvious that I was alone. I was sitting there, in a booth, by myself — did he think I thought I had
an imaginary friend with me? I was alone! Did he have to rub it in? Was he trying to be funny?
Did he think he was, in some way better than me? It was in his tone. "Are you alone?" But what
he meant to say was "You're alone aren't you!?" And I can't imagine that he's not alone every
single day of his miserable, pathetic life! He has terrible skin. Not the way bad skin is attractive
on some people. On some men! It's never attractive on women — have you noticed that? Just
one more example of the injustices we are forced to suffer! If we have bad skin, we're grotesque!
Let a man have bad skin and he can be Richard Burton for God sake! I hate being a woman! I've
strayed. The point is the waiter with terrible skin and greasy hair asks if I'm alone. I want to pick
up my butter knife and stab it in his sunken caved in chest! But I simply respond "No, I'm
married, thank you.”




 Show: Alice in Wonderland

By: Lewis Carroll
Character: Alice

That bloody rabbit! That's the only reason I'm down here. He could have kept the
mutterings of “I'm late, I'm late” to himself—but no! He had to say it loud enough to intrigue me,
to entice me into following. I really, really hope he knows the bloody way back, you see I just
wasn't paying attention, and I'm the first to admit that my attention does seem to… (Trails off, to
follow the movement of something with eyes, after a beat—finally snap back into focus) What I
would do if I got my hands on that lump of fur, I'd wring his neck and turn him into a fur coat!
(surprised at what she has said) Oh… That was a mistake… He's much to small to make a fur
coat! How about a handbag instead? Oh, don't be offended and call PETA or anything! It's not
like I'd actually do it, I wouldn't want the blood on my hands; It's so terribly hard to clean off.
(Pacing) What strife that creature has gotten me into. I'd like to kick him from here to
next week, that's what I'd like to do. Not only do I have to put up with him leaving me in that
black hole to fall to my death, he leads me to a caterpillar… (Whisper) a caterpillar on drugs!
(Louder) Drugs I tell you! (Loud) And that squishable little insect was so rude. He didn't even
offer me a puff! I was just about to throw a tantrum and stamp my feet when I realized he was
talking to me.





 Show: Bunheads
By: Amy Sherman-Palladino
Character: Ginny

I don’t think you understand what it’s like. Your parents are normal. They do normal
things and eat normal food and even though your mother counts the peas on everyone’s plate to
make sure everyone has the same amount, I think that’s thoughtful. More thoughtful than
wandering the house at night like Lady Macbeth. No, wait! Don’t leave! I drove you off. I drove
her off. Just like my mother drives everyone off. “We mock the things we are to be.” You know
who said that? Mel Brooks. 2000 year old man. He was talking about how we make fun of our
parents and then we grow up and turn into our parents. And that line popped into my head
yesterday so I started looking through old photo albums of my mother trying to figure out exactly
when her crazy set in. So I can be prepared. I think it started around college. That’s the first time
I saw her do that really wild-eyed thing she does. So I guess I’ve got about three to four years
before I go barking mad. Which is good. Now I’m ready for it. I can plan ahead. You know, have
a lot of rounded corners in my house. Wear soft, bouncy clothing. Stock up on tissues, ice cream,
and voodoo dolls.




 Show: I Remember Mama

By: Alan Ayckbourn
Character: Kathrin

When Mama said I was to go with her, I was excited and I was frightened. It was exciting
to take sandwiches for the train, almost as though we were going on a picnic. But I was scared at
the idea of seeing death, though I told myself that if I was going to be a writer, I had to
experience everything. But all the same, I hoped it would be all over when we got there. It was
afternoon when we arrived. We asked at the station for the Halvorsen ranch, and it seemed to me
that the man looked at us strangely. Uncle Chris was obviously considered an odd character. The
ranch was about three miles from the town; a derelict, rambling old place. There was long grass,
and tall trees, and a smell of honeysuckle. We made quite a cavalcade, walking up from the gate.