Lust Followed Me Around

By: Deziree Cockrell

I’m Jeffrey, a 16 year old boy and I got into pornagraphy quicker than you could
spell Mississippi. I’ve never been the type to do drugs or go to crazy parties so thus was
unexpected. My parents have always been known as the nice parents with great kids.
Don’t get me wrong, my sister, Cassie and I are good at school, sports, and we have
lots of friends. This was an issue that needed to be resolved or I was going to ruin me
and my family's good reputation.
It all started when I went to my friend John's house. We had been playing video
games for the whole day and we wanted to do something different. Suddenly John's
eyes opened.

“I have something I want to show you, tell me how it makes you feel?” John said
excitedly.

I didn’t know what to expect, but nothing like this. It was pornography! Something
my parents and school counselors had warned me about! I wanted to look away, but
didn’t want to John to think I was dumb. I convinced myself it was just this one time and
I wouldn’t do it again.
School was the next morning and I was ready to start off fresh, but something felt
off. It felt like the scenes from last night were dragging something along with it. It made
me want to get back the feelings I had when I watched the porn-lust.

“Jefferey, are you okay?” My teacher asked.

“ What?” I replied.
“ You seem a little disoriented today?”
“ I’m fine, just a bit tired from the weekend”

She nodded her head and patted my back and she walked away. In reality I was
not fine, I wanted anything to get these thoughts out of my head. Walking down the hall I
was surprised to see another shadow that was very tall with a long tongue. I ran into the
bathroom with my heart racing and my lungs out of air.

It was still standing right behind me, “ what are you??” I asked.

The long creature grumbled, “ I am lust, I follow those who seek the feeling of love and
happiness”
“That’s not what I want!” I said quickly.

“ Don’t deny how you felt last night.”

I rushed out of the bathroom, but I felt his presence and the scenes wouldn’t leave
my mind.
Soccer practice was right after school and I thought if I watched it one more time,
the feelings would settle down and I would be able to focus! I went into the stall and did
the deed I told myself I wouldn’t do again.
Practice started off good with drills and reviewing plays we could try. When we
went in for a practice game, lust started talking to me.

“I think you could spend more useful time feeling the love and happiness again” he
whispered.

I continued playing but I kept messing up and getting frustrated. I couldn’t win
when I had this creature getting in my head so deep. I wanted it so badly and I felt like I
needed it! I wanted more! Of course it was to stay focused on the game and hide my
feelings. I continued this pattern of staying out for a second, then getting back in,
staying out, getting back in.

Practice ended and I couldn’t be more happy to be out of that environment. I

made an agreement with myself to stop watching it right after practice. I had work
anyway so I wouldn’t have time to watch it.

“Hey Jeff, are you heading to my house after work?” My friend Mark yelled from the
other side of the field.

“I don’t know dude” I yelled right back.

Mark's face looked confused as I rushed to get to work. I always went to hang
with him after, what was I thinking. Lust was telling me If I watch a lot today, I won’t
have to do as much tomorrow.
I work at Costa Vida serving people their food. Just like at school and soccor
practice, lust came with me right in my thoughts. Nobody knew it looking at me from the
outside, but I felt like a puppet being controlled by a puppeteer. I was being tortured, but
it felt good in some way.
The night was busy and the tips were generous, but I felt wrong. I got so many
texts during the night from friends at soccor and classmates asking If I was okay and
telling me that I was acting stressed and sad. My coworkers even mentioned it.
“Hey Jeffery, you doing good, you haven’t talked much since you came in?” my
coworker Lizzy asked worriedly.

I really liked Lizzy and I felt awful thinking about what I’d done and I wanted it to stop
now, but I replied, “ nah I’m all good, just a little beat up from school, work, and soccer
practice.”

Lizzy smiled and walked away as she said, “let me know if you ever need anything!”

I came home from work thinking about the 2 times I watched it at work and the
times that I saw Lizzy smile at me. I needed to stop this now or I would forever be pulled
by the strings of lust. I was ready to come clean with my parents.
I walked in the door and My sister came running around the hallway for a big
hug! She was jumping up and down excited to tell me something she did today!

“We played tornado in gym class today and I won every single game!” She exclaimed.

“Way to go chicka! I bet you couldn’t beat me” I said.

“Oh it’s on, big brother!” She added as she skipped away!

I saw my parents and my heart sank from what I had done and what they were going to
think of me now.

“Hey kiddo, how was your day”

“Honestly not so good. I need to talk to you guys, I need help with something?”

An expression of concern and worry flooded their faces as they nodded their
heads and took me in their room. I tasted the saltiness of my tears as they fell down my
cheeks. The words just wouldn’t come out at the beginning and I felt defeated. Lust was
screaming at me too, telling me this was the end of our adventure. My parents
immediately hugged me and let me cry for a couple minutes.
When I was ready to talk, I let it all out! I told them how it started, what I
watched, who showed it to me, and how I did it all day. I couldn’t stop apologizing and
telling them they could punish me however they wanted. They gave me another hug
and told me to write down what had happened and I would get my phone taken away for
a time.
The last thing lust said to me was, “I will be back when you need me.”

I answered with, “ I won’t ever need you. I want to feel real love and real happiness. I
don’t want these fake feelings that only last for a time because real happiness lasts
forever.”