Mushfiq Milan 1

Mushfiq Milan

Dec 3, 2021

Prof. Bryan Reaume

Integration 2

Learn Through Hope

We all know that we can tap an inner well of power by being conscious of

our reactions. It can’t hurt us if we don’t let it. Sometimes, we need to stand our

ground, brace ourselves and let the negative emotions crash into us. We know that

we honestly can’t appreciate the sunshine without weathering the storm. Whatever

we become out of life is not defined by the good feelings we desire but by what

bad feelings we’re responsible and able to sustain to reach us to those good

feelings.

When I started my college application, I was so vulnerable to people’s

opinions that I hardly realized the value of joy. But the same vulnerability was my

source of joy when I got accepted to the University of Notre Dame. It reminded me

that I think vulnerability is a characteristic that God makes us strong and learns

from our mistakes. When I realized that God had gifted his blessings upon me and

gave me the power of uniqueness, I started to feel happy and cheerful. As a result, I

could use positivity in my life. Being our authentic self is what we all are looking
 Mushfiq Milan 2

for and what God wants every one of us to seek. This is where self-worth grows

when you try to accept your vulnerability, and I learned it from my own life.

I consider that self-worth doesn’t depend on the endorsement of others.

Awaiting someone to measure your accomplishment is not a way to live your life.

This is a stressful and depressing way to live. According to Elizabeth Cox in Ted-

Talk, “None of us is complete. We all make mistakes. We will disappoint people.

We will disappoint ourselves. But the world doesn’t have to end when that

happens.” (“What is imposter syndrome and how can you combat it?” By Elizabeth

Cox, Moreau FYE Week Nine) Rather than letting your personality be governed by

the expectations of others or your expectation that you have to be accurate, you do

your best. I learned this lesson in a difficult way.

My life took an exciting turn at the University of Notre Dame when I heard

of a competition in Notre Dame called “Mr. ND,” where males from every

residential building fight to be the best. I decided to put my name to that. But the

fear of failure, also known as imposter syndrome, was always stopping me from

dreaming big. The insecurity that I could not get the title held me back. Someone

told me that all the previous winners were Whites and rich. But since I am not in

any of the categories, I do not have any chance. I was very close to putting my

name off the list. But my inner self was telling me that something bigger was going

to happen! Then I heard that I got selected to represent Keough Hall in the Mr. ND
 Mushfiq Milan 3

competition. My courage started to build up. However, since I was fighting against

all other dorms, I was anxious and fearful. This feeling became worse when I

realized that voters had to vote for me and donate my name. It seems like an

impossible task for me because, first of all, I did not come from a wealthy family.

Second, I am a freshman asking someone to vote was out of my comfort zone. I

was asking myself, “What should I do?” or “What would my friend/parents expect

me to do?” and got discouraged. Then I scheduled a meeting with my rector about

this psychological pain. He suggested that I rethink the type of question I ask

myself, “What do I want to do?” and “What do I think is best?” He advised me to

trust myself. He said, “Don’t look to others for approval or for directions for how

to live your life. Look at all of the options out there for living life and pick the ones

that you feel called to.” His words of wisdom empowered me to get out of my

comfort zone. I launched a successful campaign, and eventually, I won the most

exclusive title for a male dorm to have, the title of Mr. ND! Looking back, the

sixteen-hour days for the campaign in the early stages were well worth it. Life is

not always an easy road, and I know it’s essential to plan, work hard and see our

goals to achieve success.

However, it is not too easy to get away from our problem. We sometimes get

sad and depressed. But we often forget that it is normal for feelings of sadness or

grief, and it helps to develop in response to such situations. According to Kirsten

 Mushfiq Milan 4

Helgeson, who helped many women to get through their pain through a Japanese

art Kintsugi, “Everybody who walks away with this greater connection to who they

are that they learn that the things that they’ve experienced — the good, the bad, the

ugly, all of that — it has made them this beautiful, dynamic, interesting person that

they are today. And that person is worth celebrating and honoring.” (“Women Find

Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop by Grotto,” Moreau FYE Week TEN) It

made me realize that we are not unbreakable. It is ok to get sad and mad. We have

to accept the way we are. Mr. ND competition taught me this lesson. I may not be

wealthy, but I am confident and versatile, and, most importantly, unique. I have

realized that obstacles are part of survival. Our uniqueness will guide us through

the process, and we will get to know our inner self.

We all deal with individual enigmas, families have family issues, and

communities have community obstacles. Communities must come together to

solve their obstacles, just like families. I learned that lesson from a fulbright point

of view after meeting with my rector Mr. Gabe. He taught me that the difference

between acknowledging a problem and finding its root cause is similar to a doctor

prescribing the indications of a disease and curing the disease. Once a condition is

understood well enough to improve, it is often understood well enough to prevent

or eliminate.
 Mushfiq Milan 5

Similarly, once we know the root causes of a community problem, we may

be able not only to solve it but to secure systems or policies that prevent its return.

According to Parker J. Palmer, “community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift

to be received. When we treat community as a product that we must manufacture

instead of a gift we have been given, it will elude us eternally.” (“Thirteen Ways of

Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer, Moreau FYE Week Eleven). I

learned the value of community after coming to Notre Dame. When I need help

with anything, I go to my rector, Mr. Gabe, who always helps me out with it.

Indeed, I can say that Notre Dame is where I can call home.

We all know that life is complicated. There are many obstacles on the path

with inevitable twists & turns, and just having goals is not enough. A Brief

Introduction to The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis said it clearly: “Life is

suffering.” (The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, Moreau FYE Week Twelve).

Life is meant to be challenging, and living requires consistent work and review. By

default, life is difficult because we must strive to earn happiness and success. Hope

allows people to approach problems with a positive mindset suitable to success,

thereby increasing their chances of accomplishing their goals. Hope always helped

me out in any situation I needed help with. When I came to the campus, I was so

anxious about coping with the new community. But after a while, I got to know

them and felt at home. Home is not just where you live. It is where good memories
 Mushfiq Milan 6

are born with those people that will always help you out no matter what

circumstance you are in. Notre Dame gave me the home where I feel confident and

can learn and thrive.

We often face our destiny on the path he takes to dodge it. When I started

my college application, I never thought I would ever get into Notre Dame, but now

it feels like destiny. We are all intended to do great things; we must defeat

whatever holds us back and more toward that largeness. We are too concerned with

what occurred and what will be. There is a famous saying that yesterday is history,

tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

There is no charge for awesomeness or attractiveness. We all are fantastic in every

way. We have to nourish this feeling and have to be happy.