Are You in Your Own Quality World?

I have pondered this question for a long time and continue to be interested in the answer and the
implications of the answer. On the surface it would seem that the answer is of course I am in my own
Quality World (QW). As I explored this question I began to look closely at what pictures of me were
actually in my QW. I had images of myself when I was young, like learning to ride a bike and different
"highlights" in my life. Those "highlights" like graduating from Grade 12, were once in a lifetime
moments or "firsts", not to be repeated.

I also found I had what I call "constructed images" of me. For example, as a mother I had a constructed
image, like a collage, of what I believed a good mother was and I put myself into that image. As I looked
at this constructed image I was aware it wasn't as powerful as some of my other pictures. I think many
people will identify with the fact that motherhood/fatherhood is such a changing; evolving thing, that one
rarely feels like they are fully matching the picture. In fact when I looked at those snapshot moments,
when everything was "perfect" my focus was usually on others, my son, husband, family or the total
experience. In short, not on me! I wondered, when was that moment when I felt I was a really good
Mom?

Very early in my role as a parent, I discovered that trying to be a "super-mom" was not much fun at all.
My ideal pictures I had stored as a child, from watching my Mum, were far too hard to match. The more
I tried the unhappier I became. I even tried shifting the focus onto my husband was not the solution
either. I clearly needed to reevaluate my pictures of mothering in order to be successful and not driven to
distraction. In doing this I narrowed down my focus to the few things I felt were the heart of good
parenting. This connected me to what I truly valued and I let all the rest fade into the background. Dr.
Glasser has written about the importance of our pictures and how they can drive our system too hard, in
his book on Fibromyalgia. The values we store in our QW can ironically keep us on a treadmill. I
certainly felt I embodied many of my values, such as honesty, kindness, hardworking etc. And yet these
were part of what kept me pushing or striving to be more.

So where does this leave us? Back to the initial question, are you in your own QW, and in what ways are
you in your QW? Why is this question so important? Because our QW pictures are what ultimately dive
our behavior. So if we have unrealistic pictures on our scale we are going to be striving for something
that may be unattainable. Or the picture may be attainable but the cost is too high? How many of our
pictures keep us on a perpetual treadmill of doing, performing, trying, never being able to relax and
really feel fulfilled or peaceful?

So what is the alternative? To answer this let me ask a question. Do you have a picture, in your QW, of
yourself, as your True Essence? This is the term I use for what I feel is the core of who we each are, the
core that is perfect and requires no improvements, changes or additions. Can you connect with this "core"
you? And do you have this "picture" in your Quality World?

Some of you may remember the Have (all the things/possessions we have), Do (all our actions and
skills) and Be (being) model? The Have/Do/Be model focuses our awareness on the fact that there are at
least three different levels we can function on. Many people are caught up in the consumer world that
advertising promotes. For many this is not a path of peace and tranquility. A lot of us are very busy
doing: doing our jobs, parenting, volunteering etc. This can bring great satisfaction and it can create a
vicious cycle. When we focus on the Being level we let go of all the doing and just be. This is when we
can find peace and harmony easily. And to do that we must have pictures of ourselves, our pure essence,
in our Quality World. How we each put pictures of our essence in our Quality World is very individual
and yet it usually requires stopping some of the "having and doing" and spending time connected with
ourselves. As a good friend of mine said we need to remember: "We are spiritual beings not human
doings".

Lynn Sumida M.S.W.

Registered Social Worker
Vancouver, Canada