A Collection of Suicide Notes - Letters - Cyber Kingdom of Russell John

6/24/2020 A Collection of Suicide Notes & Letters - Cyber Kingdom of Russell John
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Suicide
A Collection of Suicide Notes &

Letters
March 28, 2008 • 375 Comments • 7 min read
 “Dear Mom, I love you with all my heart. I just wasn’t meant for this world! I
hope I can nd a place of peace and happiness, a place I am child enough to
live, yet man enough to survive. I love you! I hope you can truly believe me.
Maybe on my journey I’ll nd Jesus. Pray for me mom. Pray I will nd
happiness. I hurt so bad inside! I want it all to go away. I want a new
beginning. I am not afraid to die mom. I’m just so afraid of tomorrow!
To all my friends and loved ones, I ask of you one last favor: don’t let my spirit
die. Remember me for the laughs and the good times, the thrills we all had
together. I hope I made a place in all your hearts and touched each and every
one of you in a special way. I have chosen to die, but I haven’t chosen to be
forgotten. I must nd a new world, a world of peace and happiness. I want you
all to know I am not afraid to die, only to quit living. I’ll miss you.”

 “The survival of the ttest. Adios Un t.”

https://russelljohn.net/journal/2008/03/a-collection-of-suicide-notes/ 1/24
 “I’m going to put myself to sleep now for a bit longer than usual. Call the time
eternity.”
 “I have no family and no friends, very little food, no viable job and very poor
future prospects. I have therefore decided that there is no further point in
continuing my life. It is my intention to drive to a secluded area, near my
home, feed the car exhaust into the car, take some sleeping pills and use the
remaining gas in the car to end my life.”
 “I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I went online to look up information on
suicide: statistics, methods and all that stuff. I was raised in a family where I
went to church every Sunday and was taught the importance of faith and God
in our lives. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t help me. I got hurt… bad… when I was a
child. I was hurt in a way that no person, no little child should be hurt. I think
about suicide on a daily basis… sometimes it’s all that I can think about. I’ve
been hospitalized for attempts before. I’ve been put on medications to help the
depression… the mental disorders that doctors are so quick to diagnose. I’m
sick of it all. Why should I bother trying anymore? I’m not even afraid of
dying. I’m not afraid of pain. I just want to leave this world. Please pray for
me. I’m tired of trying.”
 “Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long
enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good
luck.”
 “I have a feeling I shall go mad. I cannot go on longer in these terrible times. I

shan’t recover this time. I hear voices and cannot concentrate on my work. I
have fought against it but cannot ght any longer.”
 “I must end it. There’s no hope left. I’ll be at peace.”
 “If I can’t see my daughter here, I will see her from above…”
 “I’m trying to watch TV but I don’t know what I’m watching. It’s so lonely
here. I want to sleep but it just won’t come. I’m so tired of hurting and being a
lone. I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I’m scared. My head
hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I’m scared I won’t stop
and I would want to stop.”
Home
“I don’t have any choice in the About
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
I can’t make it right by living. I’m so scared I want out but oh I don’t know.”

 “I’m so cold, please do something. I can’t stand this empty feeling that I’m
having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no
control over anything in my life. I’m breaking into pieces. Somebody do
something.”
 “What is a few short years to live in hell. That is all I get around here. No more
I will pay the bills. No more I will drive the car. No more I will wash, iron &
mend any clothes. No more I will have to eat the leftover articles that was
cooked the day before. This is no way to live. Either is it any way to die. Her
grub I can not eat. At night I can not sleep. I married the wrong nag-nag-nag
and I lost my life.”
 “My kisses burn into your soul,

My touch melts upon your skin,
My eyes re ect my misery
Of the darkness deep within,
I am a waste of time,
So now I shall die.”
 “The time has come for me to move on. I don’t come to this decision lightly,
however, but now that I’m older, I’ve nally realized that there’s a world of
difference between living happily ever after and just living ever after. I may
seem strong. But I’m not I’m just like anyone else. We can feel pain. We can
die. And I won’t be the one to destroy anyone else’s hopes and dreams. Never
again.

 “I’m sacri cing myself to save the countless many who would have to die if I
were to live. It’s a noble cause, I gure. A good reason to die. I like to think
you’d agree.”
 “So that’s it. That’s me. Leaving the world to be a better place.”
 “I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of
those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I
can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have
given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that
anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this
terrible disease came. I can’t ght any longer. I know that I am spoiling your
life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even
write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness
of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good.
I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it
would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your
goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people
could have been happier than we have been.”
 “To my friends: my work is done. Why wait?”
 “When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and

imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy
death in place of a slow and horrible one.”
 “”Football season Is over. No more games. No more bombs. No more walking.

No more fun. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I
needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No fun for anybody. 67. You are
getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax, this won’t hurt.”
 “Goodbye, my friend, goodbye

My love, you are in my heart.
It was preordained we should part
And be reunited by and by.
Goodbye: no handshake to endure.
Let’s have no sadness — furrowed brow.
There’s nothing new in dying now
Though living is no newer.”

 “All ed–all done, so lift me on the pyre;

The feast is over, and the lamps expire.”
 “Absolutely no reason except I have a toothache.”
#death #depression #letters #life #mental illness #suicide #suicide letters
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375 Comments
elliot
November 26, 2018 at 1:52 PM
There are so many beautiful things i want to stay around for but it’s getting to the
point that they aren’t enough anymore
sometimes i feel like laughing freely with my best friend or the beauty of a really
good song or the feeling that comes with playing my viola or the feeling of reuniting
a dog with their owner that they haven’t seen in two weeks or the feeling of silky
sheets on my skin or how much i love how curly my hair gets or the good memories
of my life are enough for me but it’s not
It’s not enough anymore
I am not enough for myself
I am not enough
I am skin and bones and muscles and veins and blood and feelings and thoughts
and ideas but it is not enough to make me human and i am undeserving of this
planet and the love it can give and the beauty of the ocean or the wind in my hair
when my windows down in a car ride and as much as i love my dog and my cat and
my friends and my family and my room and watercolors and cheese hot dogs and
music and soft blankets and crunchy leaves and smiles and people in soft moments
and milkshakes and riding the public bus at noon and the sun peaking through tree
branches and clouds and trees and the smell of pine trees and paint and my mom’s
cooking and how soft kitten fur is and how cute puppy paws are and answering the
phone and singing in the shower and petting stray cats and grocery shopping and
nding new music and the color of my own eyes and the color of brown eyes in the
sun and the good moments with my family and drawing and writing and telling 
people i love them just

Isn’t enough
I love so many many many aspects of being alive but i associate so many negative
things with myself and sel shness and my stupidity and ignorance and femininity
and low masculinity that when i hear my own voice over the phone it makes it less
fun to go work and talk to people and when i see how my feet look so weird when i
walk it takes away from the happiness of my favorite green converse and how all of
my friends are better friends with other people and forget me so easily when im not
always in their face takes away from how beautiful they are and how much i love to
be around them
I have so many words pent up that i know if someone like me heard them it would
help them feel better but that’s not enough to make me want to stay alive and speak
for other people and it makes me feel so sel sh and mean and dumb that i know i
could offer certain things to certain people but i still cant bring myself to genuinely
believe that anyone other than my cat or the happy version of myself knows me
well enough to know me well and still love me and want to talk to me and hear me
live
So many horrible things have happened this year and in this life and i am not
strong enough
And as i write this i realize how long it’s taken me to nd the words and i can feel
my lungs hurt and my eyes are blurry and hurt and i am tired of putting myself in
dangerous situations just to feel alive and real and I’ve spent so much time trying to
convince myself that my heart is beating because i am alive and real and human
and sometimes when i can hear it beating and i have my ngers on my neck to
check i get a glimpse of what it’s like to remember what it feels to be alive
But it’s not enough
And i am not enough for myself or my dreams or my wishes or goals or my life’s
greatest loves or my family or my friends or my teacher’s expectations but mainly
myself because i am sad and sick in my head but
Oh god how i love the feeling of climbing into bed after a long day and getting
comfortable and oh god do i love hearing about what makes my friends happy but
they don’t tell me anymore and everytime i think someone’s starting a conversation
with me just to talk they end up needing something and that’s the only reason why
people like me anymore
Oh god i love singing and dancing and swimming and cracking my wrists and
knuckles and the smell of freshly cut grass or hot water running down my head in
the shower or getting caught in the rain and my room and records and my rats
noises at night i cant sleep without them and oh god i love my grandparents and the
awkwardness of my family and i miss my aunt and her voice and my steven and
my stevens voice and oh god i love videos of dogs smiling and going into work and
seeing all these animals that know me and get excited to see me everytime im there
i love talking to my customers and my coworkers and the quiet and peace of being
the only one home and the color of my watch oh god i love the cool side of the pillow
and the way tendons look in hands when you move them and i love the mountain
air and snow and freezing toes and nail polish and the big holes in my ears i love
Home
the stickers in my laptop About
and laughing Services
atstupid Galleryand
jokes and reading Journal
 falling in Contact 
love with characters in books and movies and short lms even though it’s only for a
moment i love poetry and birds and drawing birds and drawing eyes and hands and 
lips and i love kissing people and holding hands and going on boat rides and the
thrill of speeding cars and i love my favorite jacket and strawberry eld tic tacs and
sleeping in and waking up to the smell of breakfast and hearing people talk about
their passions and watching their faces light up and oh oh god i love life i do
I really do
But that’s not enough to blank out all of the bad things ive done to myself and other
people and all of the bad things people have done to me and other people and as
much as i love life and as many reasons i have to wait and as many things i have to
look forward to and hope for i am just so tired
It is not enough
It is not enough for me
I am not enough
I am not enough for me
And i am not enough to be deserving of all the beautiful things in my life that are
things to love and hope for and enjoy and stick around for
Reply
katie
January 31, 2019 at 10:20 PM
Helium with a suicide bag is a good way to go. I believe as society evolves the right
to die and assisted suicide will become acceptable. Noone consented to be here and
so many people would suffer less if only we were kind enough to grant the ultimate
courtesy.
Reply
michele bisnott
July 14, 2019 at 4:29 AM
Suffering Souls – I LOVE YOU, ALL! If I could I’d heal your wounds and lessen the
pains – since I can’t I’ll talk to The One, The Knower of all hidden things, The
Creator of all!!!
Reply
Gb
September 19, 2019 at 4:01 PM
I am ending my life soon. I am 46, gay, and over everything. I am not famous rich or
powerful. The world is angry and on re. I cannot wait to leave every “phone /
Home
instragram / youtube fame About
obsessed  inServices
asshole Gallery
this world behind. The Journal
 world is a Contact 
travesty now, and we are at the point of no return. Fuck this shit hole. Fuck you and
fuck me LOL.. 
Reply
Alex
October 1, 2019 at 6:27 PM
to all those hurting/contemplating suicide, know that you can turn today to Jesus
Christ, pray to Him now for hope and a new start! Life without God is meaningless. 1
Peter 5:7 ‘Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’
Reply
nobody
October 7, 2019 at 2:42 AM
Just don’t do it man, try to live your own life. Stay strong, you have so many to lose..
Reply
tinker bell
54 years old. my kids already live their lives like i am already gone. i do not have a
single friend. i am married, but tired of the man i am married to. tired of him trying
to “ x” me. i just don’t see the point of lingering, for what? to grow older, to be
reminded daily that i am insigni cant, to be a burden, to continue in the misery. I
have nothing to look forward to. the best is behind me. so i see no point in just
waiting for the inevitable.
Reply
Venus
Thank you for lightened up my dark-hour♥🙏
Reply
Ahana
October 18, 2019 at 12:23 PM
I attempt to but i failed. IHome About

tried so hard Services
 loved.
to be Gallery
But everytime Journal
 best
i do my they Contact 
took my work. Always tell me that i am nothing. Cause i am not beautiful. I want to
ask them did god gave options for my face?? Is it my fault if i am naturally this way. 
I have no true friends. In school every single person just laugh on me. My mother
never loved me as much as she love my other 2 sister…she always remind me I am a
trash. My elder sister call me bastard. My father say that trusting me was a big
mistake. But i never got trust to break it. They tell me I have no future. My
grandfather , uncles,aunties said that I am a big burden on my mother. My mother
said that she prays no one have a daughter like me. But i have 0 faults. Cause they
told me to stay away so I only have/ had storeroom. They all say that i am good but
my face is a grave problem. They never invite me on occasions ..no ask me if i am
ne….the one I loved I couldnt give him my pic because of fear. He casually called
me fake made fun of me. Even he knew who I am my face. I never demand
something cause I feel I will waste their money time. If I tell them I feel sick of same
shit. They say I have to tolerate with them Coz I born for them.i don’t have any
hope.i am depressed. I was in class 4 when I rst tried to end my life. I am in so
much pain. I wanted to be loved…just loved I need no money nothing just a lil bit of
happiness would do…my whole family says tgey are ashamed to have a member like
me. I really want die as soon as possible. I was physically harmed by my
grandfather ,cousins….I have all problem one could have in their life.
I love My lil sister. I feel like a guardian. I promised myself that I will never let her
face the same things as me. She have many person and my mom to save her. But i
still want to live on and hope that maybe one day I will be able to save her or
someone from any disaster. I cant end my life cause it’s a sin…I can’t end my life
cause it’s a one time opportunity to live on this lovely horrible world. I don’t fear
death but I fear to give up my only chance. Yeah!! It’s too hard to breathe my heart
hurts all the time i am in so much pain that I bite my leg and hand to endure it. I am
addicted to nothing but death. But still I choose to live cause I fall in love with my
misery. So please don’t end your life…I also feel empty…solitude is only thing I have…
you can say everything…But I will live on…so please keep live on your precious life..
💓
Reply
Charlotte
Hello. Are you still there? You are enough.
Reply
Charlotte
Please don’t. Talk to me. We are all in this together.

Reply

Charlotte
You are signi cant. You are not a burden. You can talk to me. We are all in this
together. Things can change, things change all the time, which means there’s
always opportunity for improvement. I hope you’re still here
Reply
Heather
November 9, 2019 at 5:37 AM
Ahana: Bless your sweet, precious heart. I wish so much that I can help you. Life is
incredibly dif cult but please stay strong. Sometimes the only person to like you is
You. That is okay.
Reply
K
November 23, 2019 at 7:39 AM
Please don’t go, you can even send me a DM. Please at least talk to me rst (my
Instagram is @renaissancekatink just please talk to me. Don’t go
Reply
sunkissed
December 6, 2019 at 9:09 AM
“Just don’t do it”… Are you serious right now??? You think I haven’t tried???
Reply
Destinee
January 16, 2020 at 2:08 PM
All gods are murderers
Reply

Ben
March 9, 2020 at 8:03 AM

I’ve been contemplating for a while now but it seems there’s nothing to contemplate
anymore. I’m tired of waiting for the clock to run out.
Reply
grace
April 15, 2020 at 4:01 AM
I dont know what to do with my thoughts anymore they just overwhelm me

sometimes to where I cant control them I dont wanna hurt myself or anything I am
just tired of pretending to be happy I wanna actually be happy for once in my life I
feel so empty and cold on the inside and i dont know what is it and it is killing me
trying to gure it out because i cant talk to my dad he doesnt understand this kinda
stuff he thinks it is all stupid and i can control it but i cant i feel so empty and lost in
my own thoughts if anyone has any advise i would really apprechiate it
Reply
Deirdre
April 28, 2020 at 4:19 PM
I am here for the same reason you are. I hope with all my heart and soul you are still
on this planet. Please reach out.
Reply
Zaira Lujan
May 21, 2020 at 6:52 PM
im suicidal ,i feel worthless ,alone .My brothers dont evven talk to ,me ..it sucks but i
gure if i take my like no body would be worried
Reply
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