re Jakshinana wincing at the sight of blood fortified by love of brother, hone and purity 10 finds the forest cynical, a cacophony + { of dissenting lawyers, vociferous in submission. ' can lakslimana not read on Rama's? face + the ruin of fourteen years , the dishonour of an unfaithful wife! ts unable to change the world, ' Jost in a bother's weakness lakshmana patrols the sacred ring | where a shadow darts the arrow cuts the night + lakshmana weeps having killed + a deer with Sita’s grace. SITAHNON AIIMAD i Shahnon Almad, who has served as the dean of the Schoo! of Humani- ties at the University of Science, Malaysia, in Penang, is the most int Portane contemporary prose writer in the Malay language. His publica” tions include ten novels and six collectinns of short stories. According to the critic Lluyd Fernando, Ahmad’s style in the original works is marked by allusiveness, restrained ixony, and absorbing complexity. He is particularly innovative in his use of a rich vocabulary fiom a number of old and new languages thut have interacted with Malay, such as Kedah, Perak, Johore, Negri Sebilan, Minangkabau, Sanskrit, Javanese, and Arabic, Ahmad ies to convey whut his characters acir- ally think and feel, and does not make them merely serve the interests of the plot. "Woman" focuses on Siti, a yiel in a poor coustal Muslin community whese parents set out to secure «husband for hee and who wishes to resist that arrangernent with all hee being, The story paints a stark portrait f Siti and her well-meaning parents, as people caught Puinfully between middle-aged propriety and youthful rebellion, eeu: tious conservatism and obstinate desire, and natura! inclination and cultural convention Woman Siti sat on the fluor with her legs folded together as tightly as the weave of the screwpine mat. She bowed her head saily. From tine to time her bright eyes thiekered. From time to time she swallowed hacd. 160 South and Southeast Asia x Malaysia and Singapore Scanned with CamScannerOutside, in the’ yard of fine sand, Handsome raised his head and crowed. His comb shook fiercely. Hee father leant against the center post of the house, with his lett foot straight out in front of him and his right leg at an angle. Crushing betel nut in his mouth, he stared out into the yard and ran his eyes lovingly over the old, leafy, dark green, kedangsa lime tree. Cutey mewed,sleepily beside her. ‘ Her mother was in the kitchen, chopping something which might have been firewood or a coconut. Then Siti heard her walk across the rough planed flour, to the center of the room, After knecling down, the mother spoke her mind in a disgustingly direct manner, “Little Aunt and Uncle came last night with greetings from Ha ai Ral mat. The holy man wants to marry you.” Cutey crawled to Siti and lay comfortably in the lap offered her. ‘The “kitten arched its body, like a well-filled durian fruit, then mewed, asking, “to be parted. Damned cat! Siti stretched her fingers under the cat's soft belly and pinched it vigorously, She was furious Cutey startled, meowed, ran, changed direction, then sprinted down ‘the front steps of the house. Siti rubbed her fingers together and gnashed her teeth, Handsome crowed again, and shook his comb fiercely. He sounded louder than before, Damn him too! Siti shoved her right index finger into the mat. Damn them all! Every one of them! Turning, her father straightened his right leg, then swallowed the limed shred of sirih leaf, Then he bene his leg back again and started chewing on the rest of the nut. He pushed the tip of his tongue into his cheek to crush the remains. His eyes returned to the heavily laden kedanigsa lime tree. Jt had done well this year. “We'll becroth you on Raya Puasa, You Handsome climbed the steps and crowed Joudly Me nodded his head, A marry hin on Raya Haji.” shaking his comb. ; “Shooou!” The rooster looked up, startled, then cocked his head to one side. His Jed in the air. comb sw. “Shoooo!” Handsome crowed. again, as though challenging one of the hens. He leapt to the ground and started running. Siti bowed her head, The finely woven mat was divided,into litte quares. The corners of the mat were beginning to fray. The tiny holes nto open out. The mat was twisted. ' that separated the squares had by The edges were bene over in various places and broken here and there. The whole mat suddenly seemed.to whirl as she gazed at it, Sici felt giddy, Her heart beat terrifyingly fast. She was suddenly covered with sweat. Her veins throbbed. Scanned with CamScanner“Shoooo!” screamed her mother, clapping her hands like a silat fighter ran to her bedioom, leapt to her feet and moving into the "predatory hat” position. Siti leapt to her fect. Her pulse was racing. Sh shut the window, sat down, got mp, sat down ap opened the window once more. The icrigated rice-fiells spread far into the andl distance. Siti sat with hee chin cupped in her hand. Cutcy ca rubbed his tail near her ankle. ending, down, picked up the danined inst the ciku tree. Cutcy twisted, ice-pouncler, where it cat and threw it out of the window, a Ieapt into the air and ran to the top of the around yet again. Damn! , The pin! She slammed the shutters together. Dang: hh her arms around her knees, (Cin the corner of the room w hicad ‘against her knees and drew her heels If smaller. Her eyes were shut; she felt lost c things she could do if she was small ini + openly weeping. She banged her against her thighs to m ke herscl in a preat darkness. She thought of th time came. She cond crave] between the Moor boards like led cockroach and down a pillar to the ground, There would he no enough when tl and no Handsome to bother her with their various noises. If she had in against the Cutey she could fly to the top of a coconut tree and s il, Or straight up into.the sky and follow the soft white clouds. win Her hair rippled down her hack, She opened her eyes. There was a black ng. The sun shone in a thousand different ditec- hUy-knit web, Siti stood up and walked defi- atched a sarong and tied its end into a spider's web in the ceili tions when it struck the ti antly over to the clothes line. She sn: knot as big as a sugar apple, then flicked it into the air. The sugar apple hit fapped the net apart, then fell lazily back to the Moor. Siti the ceiling, smi stamped on it with her rightheel. Janmn every living creattire! Damn them all! Eagerly she looked around for another victim: A-cicak lizard-scampered She tricd to hitit 3 up a pillar ag soon as it realized what was happenin, with the knotted cloth, The lizard ran helter-skelter away from her. 11 catch you, she thought, ll smash your belly and squash your head. "ll break your back with my heel and watch your tail dancing about ike a worm on a hot plate, Siti turned to her Ieft. The rough planks of the wall ring to her right, she saw a trail of ants annoyed her. She hit them. 7 Iecading up the pillar. She gathered them together in the palms of her hands and rubbed them into a pulpy mass. Wann! The pigs! ‘Tinnitiz around, Siti stared at herself in the mitror. sion. Tor a long time she She wrinkled her face into a funny expr into her own black eyes. She twisted her nose, puffed uy her stood staring checks, and puckered her mouth. St Asia = Malaysia and Singapore x62 South and Sonth Scanned with CamScanner"Ldon’t want tol Tdon’t want to! I don’t want to!” ae she was {urions. Her anger coursed! through her veins. Her eyes glared ss, at the mirror. : “siti” ‘ her fingers through het hair, at the world outside. i straightened her elethes, Startled, § She forced herself to open the door slowly. Carclully, she walked across the room toward the kitchen, avoiding her father who still-eat with hie ' hack against the center pillar staring into the sandy yard. Handsome croweil shuilly and flapped his wings. Damn! Siti took the knife and ext straight Uhrough an onion. She chopped the onion into slices. Chop, chop, chop. Damn! “Siti!” her mother cautioned her ! she tried to restrain the anget which seethed throush het hody. For a while, she cut the onion slowly, but then she started speedint up again faster and faster. She pushed down an the chopper very hard, reached fee Con the chopping board, and hacked, hacked, hacked another anion, “sitit” ‘The pot was bubbling on the hearth, nudging at its lid. Siti stood wp grabbed a sintuk root ladle from the shelf and jabbed at the lid, forcing it de. She shoved the ladle deep into the pot and stirred and tired hifting its balance, the pot tipped, pouring boiling water onto to onc and stirrey the fire. “siti!” iti looked around, still trying to find something to attack. Any living creature. Everything was dead. Passive. The metal spoons. The ladles. The porcelain teaspoons. The earthenware pots and their lids, As dead and as Fass srsclf, 4 woman. The only other living creature was her mother, who was squatting near the doorway grinding tumeric. The mother’s body shook like a stake in a medium-paced river, “tT don’t want to. J don’t want to. I don’t want to. 1 don't want to.” The voice hoomed inside her, raging with her intense anger and her boredom; her fantasies twisted like {retwork and shattered. The thunder: ing voice had to stay locked inside her. There was no way for it to get out. There was no way she could speak. There was nothing. Ahsolutely noth: ing. She was a woman. A passive, dead object. She was only a spoon, a ladle, a teaspoon. Dead. And passive. She turned to the closely packed pot which was now boiling, fiereely again. The lid bounced up and dow’, covered with the same thick froth that slowly trickled down the side of the vessel, like an old man’s spittle. Siti looked at the dark black bottom of the pot. Tongucs of flame swayed back and forth, buming the pot, twisting and waving in all dircctions. Scanned with CamScannerye pestle, Siti struck her index finger, then shaved it into the fierce Hame. The lire swooped onto the bruised Mesh. Closing her eyes, Siti clenched her teeth and tried to hold her breath for as long as she could. Her heart pounded wildly inside her despite her every effort to stop, 1 Ie was useless. Spoons and Hadles belung or, the wall, Take one if you need one. Lam a spoon, a ladle, a teaspoon, Deud, And passive. “sicit Her mother snatched her hond away and spat on it, uttesing some ritual formula or other. She dragged the girl into the middle room to show the father, who was stretched out like a swamp-turtle, He leapt up and rushed about to find some medicine. The only thing he could fine’ was some lini- ment in a dirty brown bottle with a Jabel that appeared ty have a picture of a defecating camel. He wiped some onto the finger. : “Wrap it up!” ° The mother bound her daughter's finger. Siti held out her nand and let her parents work on it, Let them do what they like, she thought. VIL put my ring finger in boiling oil tomorrow. The” next day I'll slash my litde finger. Lee them do what they like, One day she'd have the strength to cell them to theie faces that she didn’t, want to marry Haji Rabmat, All she needed was the strength, The will. The courage “1 don’t wane to, don’t want to. J don’t want ta. Pon’) want to.” The voice leapt up and down, trying to free itself from .ts crugl shack - was chained iv her belly and Taking a1 les [ler heart beat rapidly. The vow locked in her heart, From ume to time it wanted to fret itself and de- inand ics full rights as a woman and as a human being, Lut each time it was stifled by the awareness of being-imprisoned inside » weak and gen- , tle body. 1) don’t want to. F don’t want to. P don’t want to.” Soe screamed as + loudly as she cold, The voice was only brave while it was imprisoned © Outside, it was dumb, dead and passive. ! Sici staggered to hyg room, aware that her mot follow her, Or else call her back into the kitchen, There was. s only a brief space between her bedroom and the kitchen, She seldom showed her fa in che central room of the house, where her father welcomed his guests and sleptin the middle of the day. Opening the window of her room, she tried to stare outside, The end- less rice fields were like a thick jungle fencing in her woran’s world. She looked up at the sky, which hung ovey her like a fish crap. The clouds grew dark and ominous, They were black, ike the evil world of the genies and demons which could stop her flying tv the sky as she -vanted, She would fly like a hornbill if she had wings. Every day her room seemed more hellish — she would leave it forever, and he: mother and fa- ther who seemed les: able ot understanding her. Her eyes eM ovinyly and less ci Scanned with CamScannermt probed the clouds, looking for any passing bird, The thick rain clouds Were coming closer. Soon they would rub against the ground, Siti seldom left the house, excepe when she went to the whaif with her mother. She looked downward, tying to find freedom there, The each was us hard as ge nite, There was no space she might crawl into, apart from the grave. That was where freedom reigned Jurever more. In the grave. In the grave. She was shocked at the horrifying turn her thoughts had taken. Fear‘ took sudden hold of her. That wasn’t what she wanted either, Death was freedom, but not the freedom she sought. Siti had always been czascious * of her virginity A virgin is a piece of fertile land, waiting (o be dominated. That dominatidn is freedom, but not conquest by Haji Rahinat. It had to be someone else, She didn’t know who, but she hoped and believed that he existed. Every story has a hero. Every child has its father. Every plot of land has its rightful owner, One day, the rightful owner would come, She © would wait for that sacred day. Shutting the window, she was left in the late afternoon darkness, which was intensifed by the darkness of the heavily laden rain clouds. Siti sat curled up in the comer of the room, resting her bandaged finger against her knee. Her hopes were as black as the clouds in the sky. He would come, one day. She was sure of that. Then she would be a woman, He would make her his own, through love. But her parents had decided on another master for her, And he was a very cruel man, Siti was afraid when she thought of his flesh and blood. “Sitit ; She got up: : wsitil” ae She opened the window. 4 "Yes, Mal" Her broken, bruised finger throbbed as the infection spread. She ran her other hand through her hair and opened the dove slowly, Twilight was _near, ‘The rain had almost come. She started to rush towards the kitchen, ‘Sitit” “Yes, Mal” * She cumed to her left and saw her mother in the middle room, inext to her father. The father was winding @ snare. Siti kneeled behind her mother. Twilight held everything in thrall. Handsome had gone to his cage, Cutey had crawled away somewhere and noc been sven since his fall, “Show me.” Siti held out her hand. Her mother took it, nodded and stared at hes dauyhter’s face. Hee father turned, frowned and put the net aside. She bowed her head and dug at the mat with her left lind, holding the tip of her tongue between her teeth, Fur Siti, there was no promise of fu- ture brightness. Everything was pitch blick, Haji Ralimat’s request was Scanned with CamScannerholy, as far as her parents were concerned. That sort of luck didn’t come: along very often these days. It was a miracle. Sceds sown ten years ago be- hind the sacred shrine, the Ka‘abah,? had heen known to suddenly grow and bear much fruit. Ifthe sced was sown in fertile soil, never before culti- vated, the fruits could be plentiful, both in this word and the next. “You must start thinking about what you'll need. Sheets, pillows, a mattress, side curtains, a mosquito-net. Don’t wait until the fasting month is almost over. Raya Puasa isn’t far off. We mustn't be late with our offerings. Get a little bit ready, at least.” The mother shifted her position slightly. Her father picked up the net apain and started testing it with his finger. Obedicntly, Siti bowed her head and kept pushing at the mat. Then, slowly, she worked the bandage off and shoved her finger, together with the blood-stained rag, into her left fist. She rubbed the finger as hard as she could, over and over again. Blood and pus squirted out. She rubbed the finger again, The whole time she sat calmly near her parents, as though nothing was happening. The blood and pus spread over her fist and through the fingers of ber deft hand. Siti qui- ctly changed her position and gracefully dropped the hem of her long, blouse into her Jap. She wrapped her blood-filled fist ithe cloth. Then she bowed her head. The whole world scented numb. “Trim the lamps!” Siti slowly stood up, carefully concealing, her hand. She walked towards the kitchen, aware that she was nothing more than a spoon, a ladle or a porcelain teaspoon. A dead, passive object. Translated from the Malay by Harry Avcling Scanned with CamScanner