Volume : 4

Issue : 50
E Mail : nandmana@sltnet.lk
www.hrokandy.blogspot.com

The survivor group of 06 member Sinhala and Tamil women headed families, left for war-torn North on the 18th of April 2013 in
search of women headed families in the Mannar and Kilinochchi districts.

In their search, the survivor group of the

Human Rights Office Kandy had the fortune of
meeting 20 “Women headed Families” in the
Thevanpitty resettlement area in the Mannar
District and 30 “women headed Families” (in
MulankavilIranamathanagar) in the Kilinochchi
district.

Since last year a group of survivors from Kandy

attend an outreach program in a war-torn area
in the North of Sri Lanka for “an emotional
sharing “with the wider community. Outreach programs are social instruments of
healing. As the mirror would say “I find in you my pain and joy and you find in me
your pain and joy.” A listening ear with compassion enhances self-healing of the
traumatized person.

For nearly three decades, Sri Lanka was scarred by a bitter civil war driven by ethnic
tension for many years. Much of the Mannar District was under the control of the
rebellious
Liberation tigers
of Tamil Ealam.

The fact finding report by the association for women‟s Rights in

Development in Canada of June 29, 2011 records that in 2009
war alone has rendered 40000 women as homeless, landless
widowed.” Widowhood is a global issue. All over the world the
widows go through more or less the same pain in their struggle
to survive.

As one widow righty says, ‘I feel restless to the very core. I feel like
everyone else’s life is moving, and I stay in the same place. Like I’m running on a treadmill as fast as I can, and everyone else is jogging past me
on solid ground, waving. Some of them are cheerfully enjoying the exercise, others are complaining about how tired they are, but their lives are
still moving past mine while I struggle and sprint and still stay in one place.’

There is a formal structure in these villages.

Civil coordination, protection and security of
the village are under 02 Army personnel. The
village headman or “G.S is in charge of the
administration and the coordination with the
funding agencies.

The widows welcomed the survivor group to

their homes. It was a friendly encounter at
their homes as they happily displayed their
achievements since the time of the
resettlement.
As a result of the war the people at Thevanpitty and Mulankavil dispersed, disappeared and were killed. When they returned in 2010
after the war, they found themselves alone with their children without the head of their families. It was a severe traumatic period for
the women folk. They felt insecure without the powerful hands of their
husbands to protect them, earn for them and be a support to the family.
Zoa, a Netherland funding agency has contributed to the material and
financial sustenance of the women headed families.

Apart frome social, economic and legal hardships, the widows are subject to
different forms humiliation. They are considered as a bad omen in many Sri
Lankan rural areas. They are marginalized by their own communities and
often subjected to extreme forms
of discrimination and physical,
sexual, and mental abuse.
Therefore, widowhood represents
a form of “social death” leading
them to numerous psychological
ailments. As Ed Payne states in “Collateral Damage” “If men were the principle casualties of
the War, these widows represent its collateral damage.”

The widows of these villages are God fearing. They go to church for prayers every morning
and gather at the church again at 12 noon to pray. They find security, power and strength
in God. They also believe that „When love is lost, they should bow their head in sadness,
but should keep their head up high and gaze into heaven, for that is where their broken
hearts have been sent to heal”.

“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength
within you that survives all hurt” as Max Lerner says and accordingly slowly but steadily
their livelihood is transformed.. They have learnt the trades of their husbands and have become the breadwinners of their families. It is
remarkable to see the women in these two villages go to the sea and to the lagoon for fishing like their husbands.

As Richard F. Mollica in his “Healing

Invisible wounds “says, the
“powerless” and “unworthy” survivor
no matter how deep his or her
humiliation, is able to share
something, even if it seems small with
another. Through this sharing the
survivor has a powerful, positive
impact on someone else‟s life. The
essence is “I heal you and by doing so
heal myself”. Those who engage in
outreach programs whether they
realize it or not, are on the road to
self-healing. They gain greater
spiritual benefit. According to Lord Buddha such an action gives “One more merit than holding religious ceremonies in a hundred
temples.