Clandestine Heartbeat

#CHChapter1

"Chill August, come on dude," James playfully tried to calm me down while he's lazily sitting on
the couch and eating some chips.

I glared at him with my eyes already burning out of frustration and irritation. Don't he dare
annoy me today, I'm about to explode.

I keep walking back and forth while my right hand is on my phone directed to my ears and
silently cursing the one I'm calling for about two hours to pick the darn phone already.

"Shut up Kuya. Be silent or else she'll kill you." I heard the low voice of James' brother, Collins,
who was in our living room with us but he's on the other couch busy with his phone.

After hundreds of calls, he never answered, I gave up. I forcefully throw my phone on the sofa
and l sit my ass down while cursing.

"Ano ba kasi nangyayari? Kanina ka pang parang ulol diyan." Liam, one of my cousins, who just
got here from the backyard fired his question. I lifted my face and started to feel my tears
building up.

Yumuko ulit ako at pinikit ang mga mata. This is so... heavy. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin.

"Just like what I said a million times two hours ago, chill August, chill. Today's your freaking
birthday and you look like crap." James frankly said while raising a brow.

Ang sarap talaga niyang bugbugin. Kung kailan pa talaga akong walang ganang makipagbiroan
ay titira siya ng mga bagay na hindi kaaya-ayang pakinggan.

Lumipas ang ilang minuto at hindi na ako nagsalita at napuno ang utak ng milyong mga bagay
na iniisip. I overthink a lot, and it sucks. Alam ko naman na hindi dapat mag-imagine ng mga
bagay-bagay lalo pa kung mga negatibo. But I just can't help it. I breathe out and close my eyes,
hoping to calm down.

"Is Beia really not coming? Is she that busy Kuya?" I heard Collins asking his older brother,
talking about their younger sister.

"Don't know. I'm pretty sure she has tons of crappy excuses, don't force her. Mom's tolerating
anyway, so..." James shrugged and continued to enjoy his chips. Binalik na lang ni Collins ang
mga mata sa kanyang inaabalahang cellphone.

Pumikit ulit ako at bumuga ng hangin. I'm trying my very best to feel better, but it's not
working. I don't know why I feel defeated for an unknown reason.
"What's up August-oh woah, woah, why are you crying?" Priam, Liam's twin brother who just
also got from the outside immediately approach me.

He gently caresses my back and stares at me like I'm freaking out of my mind. Do I look pitiful? I
am not crying...

Hinawakan ko ang mukha ko and my cousin wasn't lying. There are tears flowing.

"James, inano mo?" tanong niya kay James habang may seryusong mukha.

I'm not a crier...usually. I don't do sobs in the middle of some people. I'm used to crying alone...
but I just can't help it right now.

"I didn't do anything! Makatingin ka kala mo naman ako nangloloko sa kanya." He defended
that was more elaborated and sounded like he's hundred percent right.

Parang nilukot and dibdib ko.

"Shut up James. He didn't do anything stupid!" I managed to say in the middle of crying with a
heavy chest and blurry sight.

Sige lang August, look for the brighter way. Look for hope though it's killing you deep inside.
You’re best at it. You can have a freaking award for it.

The room was filled with a second or two of silence. Collins put his phone in his pocket after
feeling the atmosphere going on.

James is making assumptions like he got it all cleared. He's making assumptions like it's not
even assumptions anymore, like it's true, a hundred percent true. And it's killing me. I don't
want to believe something stupid like that, but I'm starting to. Ang hirap na kasing magpanggap
na ayos lang, na normal lang, na walang mali. 'Coz, it's not. It's really not.

"Yeah, you can say that my dear cousin August. But I can't, ‘cause honestly, he's acting like a
total jerk and I don't know why you couldn't see that. Is it because he got award-winning drama
skills or you're just dumb enough to not know his craps."

My tears pooled more and I tried to close my eyes hoping to stop them from flowing.
James' words are bullets that directly hit me. Ang sakit ng mga sinabi niya. And I can't even fire
back, because I know... he's just being true. He's not lying.

"Kuya..." pag-awat ni Collins sa kapatid.

"Stop James, please. She's already crying for Pete's sake." Priam joined the argument. I wiped
my tears and face them all.

I wanted to side with my beloved boyfriend. I wanted to defend him on my cousins. But I can’t.
anong ipaglalaban ko? Ano ang panghahawakan ko gayong parang nagkakatotoo na ang
kinatatakutan ko?

"Well, it's a normal thing people." James said in a sarcastic tone. "Ikaw ba naman ang hindi
pakiramdaman ng ilang linggo. You can't say forever the line, 'I'm okay. We're okay. Wala
kaming problema' like the fuck there's none."

Yumuko ako at hinayaan na tumalim iyon sa aking dibdib. I thought I'm good to hide that. He
noticed... apparently, they all did.

He calmed down a bit and I'm still sobbing with a low head. I lifted my face just to see those
gloomy and silent faces of Liam, Priam, and Collins. James on the other hand is looking at the
far side of the window trying to put off the fire he got. Seconds later, a ring from Collins' phone
broke the dead air.

His brows furrowed, his expressions turned darker, and he clenched his jaw looking at the
screen of his phone. Lumapit ang kambal sa gawi niya at tumingin sa kanyang tinitingnan. Liam
obviously couldn't believe what he saw, Priam, after seeing what that thing is, immediately
gave me his sorry look.

I tried to calm myself even for a bit. I didn't know what is up with that thing and whatever it is
in that phone but I know it's not a piece of good news.

Collins then showed the screen to James and later to me.

It feels like the environment is muted, and all I can hear is the slow and dying beat of my heart.

No way.

I want to burst so badly, to burst even more. But I remained still, unable to believe what I have
just seen. I can't process it properly. I can't move. I felt...extreme daggers of pain.

I felt warm arms embracing me. It was James'. That right there... ended all the doubts and
assumptions.

That right there, I knew I was defeated. I knew I lost. I knew… I am shattered completely.

Two years. It’s not that much for others but it means everything to me. He’s my first boyfriend,
my man that I kept and fought for all this time. In a blink of an eye, decided to exchange me.
My boyfriend, Tristan indeed cheated. I don't know how to feel... I just felt a million mixed
heavy emotions. I turned to my cousins, and they all look sorry. I managed to give a faint fake
smile, just to look at the phone again.

He was in a club, kissing passionately a hot girl.