Basic Rights for Everyone

Recently, the Supreme Court did some trimming of the Miranda Rights (those

rights made apparent to a suspect when police are arresting him: "you have
the right to remain silent," etc.) This will ultimately change the way lawyers,
accused criminals and police interact and could have profound effects on our
justice system, but in my little world of dating and blogging, it immediately
turned my attention to the following: Do we have dating Miranda rights? And
if so, what are they?

1) You have the right to remain silent.

You have the right to keep some things to yourself. To have diaries, email
accounts and text logs that are privy to no one but you. You do not have the
right to go smooching other people and keep that to yourself, but you do have
the right to fantasize about smooching others and then write about it in your
diary, talk about it with your friends, or just have a good old time with those
thoughts by yourself.

2) You have the right to avoid parenting.

You're his girlfriend, not his mommy. If he needs someone to reassure him
constantly, tell him how great he is, and wash his socks, he should spend less
time being needy and more time working so that he can afford a life coach,
paid fans, and a maid respectively. Conversely, if she needs someone to pay for
everything, fight her battles, and prop her up against every minor insecurity,
she should consider her right to move back home or date a much older man.

3) You have the right to ask but not to tell.

Relationships die if they don't progress—or they stagnate, which for some of
us is just a long, slow death. Sometimes change needs to happen, and you have
to ask for it. Maybe you need him to go out less. Maybe he needs you to be
more affectionate. Maybe you need him to be nicer to your family. Maybe he
needs you to do something different in bed. It's up to you to ask, and, unless
you feel like an ultimatum is your only option, up to no one to tell.
4) You have the right to dates…if he cannot afford a dinner date it
will be up to him to get creative.

A girl likes to be taken out. Not just "like." It's her right as an attractive,
scintillating, fun-loving woman. I know young women who, from dating jerks,
or just hipsters, have literally never been asked out on a proper date. I'm not
saying that he has to show up in a fancy car with flowers and chocolates for
your mom, but a proper date from time to time is necessary.

5) You have the right to clean up after yourself and only yourself.

I am not the tidiest of all people, but I try, and other people's mess (in space
I've shared with a significant other) drives me up the wall. If it's a space you
share, even if he just stays at your apartment from time to time, it deserves to
be respected. Worst example: a girl I knew in college, who was dating a soccer
player, had to suffer as, on more than one occasion, the soccer player she was
dating and was sleeping in her room would (drunkenly or not) pee in her
drawers.

6) You have the right to an orgasm.

Not every time. There needs to be some leeway here, on both sides, but I know
way too many women, especially young women, who spend altogether too
much time giving oral sex with little or no return on their investment. Of
course it's not just oral we're talking about—your partner needs to make the
accommodations necessary in your sex life that can help you "get" to where
you want to "go."

7) You have the right to see your friends.

Jealousy is a killer. As is neediness. If you can't handle him spending time

with his friends without you, maybe you just can't handle him. And if he can't
handle you doing your own thing, whether it's work, family time, or your
girlfriends (guy friends too!), maybe he needs to grow a pair and find
something to occupy his time with other than worrying about what you're
doing.
8) You have the right to be right….and wrong.

Everyone argues. It's a fact of relationships. And someone is always right and
someone is always wrong. But that's not the point. How you approach
arguments and their resolution can define you in a relationship. Are you a
gloater? Do you hold grudges? Can you get over things? Do you choose your
battles or do you focus on the smallest little things?

9) You have the right to judge and be judged.

Hey, taste is important. People who are overly judgmental are annoying, but
people who don't judge anything are worse. We need to judge things to curate
the people, places and things we want in our lives. There's only so much any of
us is, or should be, willing to put up with.

What rights do you insist on having in your relationships? Which

ones have you found yourself without?