BUILDING MY SUPPORT NETWORK

GOALS OF THE EXERCISE

1. Demonstrate increased interdependence and self-confidence through autonomous
decision making, honest expression of feelings and ideas, and reduced fear of rejection.
2. Demonstrate healthy communication that is honest, open, and self-disclosing.
3. Identify and get help from supportive others at home, work, and in other settings.
4. Reduce feelings of alienation by learning about similarities to others.
ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH THIS EXERCISE MAY BE USEFUL
• Adult-Child-of-an-Alcoholic (ACOA) Traits
• Chronic Pain
• Depression
• Grief/Loss Unresolved
• Living Environment Deficiencies
• Medical Issues
• Opioid Dependence
• Peer Group Negativity
• Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Relapse Proneness
• Self-Care Deficits—Primary
• Self-Care Deficits—Secondary
• Social Anxiety
• Substance Abuse/Dependence
• Suicidal Ideation
SUGGESTIONS FOR PROCESSING THIS EXERCISE WITH CLIENT
The “Building My Support Network” activity is intended for clients who are socially and
emotionally isolated, or who have formed unhealthy dependent relationships with other
people. It works by guiding the client to see interdependence as normal and desirable
and to reflect on the positive effects for both helper and “helpee.” The exercise goes on
to lead the client to make concrete plans to break out of isolation and seek help and
support from a network of others in a healthy way.

When people are actively abusing alcohol, other drugs, or addictive behaviors, they often
isolate themselves. Reversing that trait is an important part of recovery. Most people
who succeed in achieving long-term abstinence do so with the help of others, not
alone.
1. When people come into a treatment program or therapy for an addiction, they may
have great difficulty asking anyone for information or help. If this is true for you,
why do you think this is difficult?
2. If you meet others who are new to a task in which you have knowledge and experience,
how do you respond if they ask you for help or advice?
3. Do you see others in treatment or recovery getting help and support from other
people in recovery, and do you think less of them when they admit they don’t know
something or ask someone for help? Why or why not?
4. What are some areas where you could use information, support, and feedback?
Please list three areas that are difficult for you.

8. It can also be an important part of your recovery work to help others yourself, in
whatever way you can. For example, you might volunteer a few hours a week to do
some sort of service work as a volunteer. If you belong to a 12-Step group, you can
volunteer for chores such as making coffee, setting up furniture, cleaning up after
meetings, and so on. What service work will you include in your recovery program,
and when and where will you do it?
Service Task For Whom Time Place
Be sure to bring this handout back to your next session with your therapist, and be
prepared to talk about your thoughts and feelings about the exercise.
HOW INDEPENDENT AM I?
What does independence mean to you, and how independent should you be? American
culture tends to teach us unrealistic and unhealthy things about this subject. Men may
have been taught that they should be able to handle any problem without help or emotional
support. Women may have been taught that it is not feminine to be strong and
they should depend on others to take care of them. Neither attitude makes sense. Human
beings are interdependent—we all need to be somewhat able to solve our own
problems, but also able to get help when something is too big for us, like overcoming an
addiction. This exercise will help you figure out your own balance between independence
and relying on others.
1. Do you feel you are: too dependent on others too independent
about right?
2. List the first five things you can think of that you routinely do for yourself without
anyone’s help (e.g., paying bills, transportation, cooking, keeping appointments).
3. Now list the significant things you rely on others to help you with or to do for you.
4. Of the items you listed for question 3, which do you feel you will always need others
5. If you did not list anything for either question 2 or question 3, what do you believe
is at the root of this (e.g., a belief that you can’t do anything, or must do everything,
on your own; a lack of knowledge or resources; not trusting anyone; etc.)?
6. What things from question 3 do you feel you could and should do for yourself?
7. For the items you listed for question 6, what would it take for you to start doing
these things for yourself?
8. Briefly describe a plan to start doing for yourself one item on your list from question
5.
9. After answering these questions and making the plan for question 7, has your answer
to question 1 changed? If so, how?
Be sure to bring this handout back to your next session with your therapist, and be
prepared to talk about your thoughts and feelings about the exercise.