Professional Documents
Culture Documents
The
Ropes
A Basic Guide to
Safe and Fun
S/M Lovemaking
Race Bannon
ISBN 1-881943-07-0
FOREWORD 11
PREFACE 13
Chapter 1
INTRODUCTION 15
Chapter 2
THE SENSUAL WORLD OF SIM 19
Chapter 3
SIM IN THE REAL WORLD 31
Chapter 4
SIM AS EROTIC THEATER 53
Chapter 5
DISCOVERING HOW SIM FITS INTO
YOUR LIFE 63
Chapter 6
SIM TECHNIQUE 73
Chapter 7
THE PLAYGROUND OF THE MIND 99
Chapter 8
SIM GEAR 107
Chapter 9
FINDING SIM PARTNERS 117
Chapter 10
TIPS 125
Chapter 11
SAFETY 131
Chapter 12
THE NEXT STEP 143
Chapter 13
CONCLUSION 145
GLOSSARY 151
11
you read what follows , and try to think carefully about
what Race is sharing with you, and especially the spirit in
which he shares it.
12
PREFACE
13
Finally, my erotic self was set free.
Later, I joined an SIM support organization. The group
gathered regularly to discuss various aspects of SIM in a
mutually supportive and nonjudgmental way. I soon
discovered that many others were having a difficult time
accepting and learning about SIM, as I had previously.
They believed the myths too . As I began to participate in
these discussions, I found myself increasingly helping
others learn about safe and fun SIM .
Soon I was asked to lead one of these support groups.
Before that evening was through I knew I had something to
contribute and the course of my life changed drastically.
Since that time I have devoted a large part of my life to
educating others about SIM as I continue to learn more
about it myself. I have taught workshops, led support
groups, written magazine articles, sat on the board of
directors of SIM organizations, and spoken to thousands of
people across the country about SIM. This book is a
natural next step.
If, after reading this book, you have suggestions or
comments, please write to me in care of the publisher.
Authors, just like readers, should always keep learning.
Perhaps your insights will contribute to a better future
edition.
May the teachings in this book help you discover the
joys of safe and fun SIM . Play and love well.
Race Bannon
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Chapter 1
INTRODUCTION
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learning The Ropes
16
Introduction
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Chapter 2
THE SENSUAL
WORLD OF S/M
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The Sensual World of SIM
the first week, the roles reverse and the pampered one
now becomes slave to the other.
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SIM as Lovemaking
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The Sensual World of SI M
SIM has had a bad rap for a long time. Some of this is
due to those few individuals who partake in improper erotic
behavior and call it SIM . But most of the bad rap stems
from ignorance. In an effort to eradicate this ignorance,
both among the public at large and in their own ranks, the
SIM community has adopted a credo by which it lives and
plays - safe, sane and consensual. In other words , if it's
not safe, if it' s not sane, and if it's not consensual, it's not
SIM. Any activity that does not meet these criteria is
denounced by responsible members of the SIM community.
And those people who violate this credo are shunned and
avoided by others in the community.
What is safe? Here are some basic SIM safety
guidelines:
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The Sensual World of SIM
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The Sensual World of SI M
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The Sensual World of SI M
ends. After all , the focus of much SIM play is the mind ,
not the genitals. Sex may , or may not, be part of a scene.
That means that the two people sitting next to you in a
restaurant might be in the middle of an SIM scene and you
wouldn't know it. Isn't that fun to think about?
A scene is your own erotic theater, where you create
your own fantasy world. No two scenes are ever the same.
That' s one of the great joys in the SIM experience.
Let' s see what just a few of the erotic possibilities are
by sharing the experiences of some couples in the next
chapter.
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Chapter 3
S/M IN THE
REAL WORLD
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SIM In The Real World
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SIM In The Real World
Bob and Jack met in a gay leather bar about a year ago
and have been seeing each other ever since. From the start
it was evident that both wanted a special kind of erotic
experience that neither had been able to find before. They
see each other once or twice a month and seem to enjoy it
that way. No serious discussions of a permanent,
committed relationship have emerged, at least not yet.
These men enjoy both the dominant and submissive roles
in SIM scenes. Over time, it appeared evident that the
type of scenes they most enjoyed were those involving
master/slave dynamics.
Both Bob and Jack had fantasies for years about being
a master or a slave, but had found no one they could trust
to explore this area of their sexuality with. Now they
have.
At first they discussed various ways to decide who
would be the master and who the slave in a scene. Over
time they decided to simply alternate roles each time they
see each other. This seems to have worked pretty well
thus far. Tonight Bob is to be master.
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Learning The Ropes
36
SIM In The Real World
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SIM In The Real World
arms.
Bob held Jack like that for a long time. All Jack could
bring himself to say was, "Thank you, sir."
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SIM In The Real World
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SIM In The Real World
the sensation and Lisa' s reaction was mild. But soon the
scene intensified as Carol continued. Lisa now pulled
against the restraints in response to what she was feeling .
Did this tickle? Or was this torture? The sensations were
building so fast that Lisa couldn't decide. All she knew
was that she liked it.
Carol produced a second toothbrush and began to brush
each nipple lightly, both at the same time. Lisa's reaction
increased. This sensitive area of her body was on fire with
delight. Then Carol slowed the brushes, and then
eventually stopped.
Lisa was breathing fast and hard as she recovered from
the brushing. She could hear Carol moving around, but
couldn't see her. That made the anticipation of what Carol
was going to do to her next all the more intense.
Carol grabbed one of the candles from the nightstand.
She stood on the bed and held it high over her head, then
dripped a single drop of hot wax on the spot between
Lisa' s breasts. Lisa let out a startled scream. Carol waited
a moment, and then delivered another drop, this time to the
top portion of Lisa' s left breast. Another scream.
The screams were mostly for effect. Lisa actually loved
the feeling of hot wax on her body. To her it felt like
warm rain. But she also wanted to feel used by Carol,
dominated by her, and the quiet screams made that desire
real for both of them. Carol continued waxing Lisa's
breasts, finishing with two drops on the tips of Lisa's
nipples. Lisa yelped and pulled hard against the restraints.
Carol found the yelping sound comical, and laughed. Lisa
laughed in response.
Carol put the candle down and removed the blindfold.
Lisa looked up at Carol and laughed again. They kissed
each other as Carol untied Lisa with one hand while the
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learning The Ropes
other hand reached between her legs. Soon Lisa was loose
and the couple was rolling around in bed, oblivious to
anything but their bodies and how good they felt together.
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SIM In The Real World
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SIM In The Real World
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SIM In The Real World
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doctor, the man she had fantasized about for so long. And
he was touching her in the way she had always hoped he
would in her fantasies.
Phillip began to massage her clitoris gently with his
finger. Susan squirmed with ecstasy.
"Please, doctor, stop," said Susan, obviously feigning
resistance.
"Just relax, Miss Jackson. After all, I am the doctor."
With that gentle command, Susan settled back and
enjoyed the feelings emerging from her loins.
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Chapter 4
The Script
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SIM As Erotic Theater
If you are playing with someone for the first time, it' s
not a bad idea to notify a friend of your whereabouts.
A sensitive partner will understand this.
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SIM As Erotic Theater
avoid this .
Are safe words absolutely necessary? No. Some
partners don't use them . However, such partners must
make sure to have other ways of communicating during a
scene.
Signals are sometimes established, especially if a partner
is going to be in a position where they will find it difficult
to speak. Such a signal might be the snapping of fingers,
which will easily get the other partner's attention, even if
their back is turned .
These safe words and signals are very important,
especially the first few times you play with someone.
Remember, an SIM scene must be entirely consensual.
Safe words and signals help maintain that consensuality.
Power Direction -
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Level of Control -
S/M Persona -
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SIM As Erotic Theater
The Set
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Props
Costuming
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SIM As Erotic Theater
The Performance
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Chapter 5
Masturbation Fantasies
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Discovering How SIM Fits Into Your Life
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Discovering How SIM Fits Into Your Life
Writing Exercise
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about your SIM interests and what kinds of SIM scenes you
will want to pursue.
It is also interesting to do this exercise once a year or
so. You ' ll probably notice that certain items have moved
to different columns. Activities you thought you didn't like
might now be in the column of things you like. Activities
you were sure you would like have moved to the column of
things you're not sure of. Also, new items have appeared
in your columns that were not in any of the three columns
previously ,
This exercise can be of great help with two partners, as
well. Each partner completes their lists and then gives
their list to the other. Now each partner has an incredible
amount of information as to what turns on (and turns oft)
their partner. Remember, your erotic partner is not a mind
reader. How can you ever expect your erotic fantasies to
be fulfilled if your partner doesn't know what they are.
Another column you might want to add to your list is
your safe sex guidelines. People have different guidelines
for what they consider safe sexual activity. You should
have a clear understanding of what yours are as well as
your partner's before you play. Perhaps reading the Safety
chapter in this book will help to define your safety
guidelines more clearly.
Reading
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Discovering How SIM Fits Into Your Life
help you decide what turns you on (or off) . Other SIM
publications are more informational and educational in
nature. These are equally important because you need to
know how to turn those fantasies of yours into safe
realities.
There is a small list of recommended books at the end
of this book. Reading these would be a great addition to
your continuing SIM education.
Releasing Expectations
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Discovering How SIM Fits Into Your Life
Evolving in S/M
Finding Resources
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Chapter 6
S/M TECHNIQUE
What is Technique?
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SIM Technique
really help.
When a physical SIM scene is taking place, certain
events occur in the following cyclical pattern:
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SIM Technique
Bondage
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SIM Technique
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Since nylon melts, this will melt the end of the rope. Then
use a wooden stick, or similar object, to press the melted
end together. Do not touch the hot nylon with your hands.
It will bum you . Once the end is cool, it will not unravel.
When the entire body is wrapped in a bondage material
this is called mummification. This is a special type of
bondage that many people enjoy. The body is wrapped
(usually in plastic food wrap, believe it or not) so that it
eventually resembles an Egyptian mummy. This is a very
intense fonn of bondage and should probably not be
attempted by a complete beginner.
When wrapping the body, always make sure to leave the
nose and mouth uncovered and that the breathing is not
being restricted in any way. Unless the wrapping is
awfully tight, there is little danger of restricting blood
circulation with this type of bondage.
Since the entire body is encased, often in a nonporous
material, there is some risk of the body overheating . Be
careful. Keep plenty of water around. If the bottom is in
a prone position have a flexible straw or rubber tube handy
so they can drink without hassle.
If the wrapping material is disposable (such as the
plastic wrap is) , simply cut off the wrapping to release the
bondage. Once again , use the special blunt end bandage
scissors for this purpose. Because the temperature usually
rises substantially inside a mummification bondage, release
the bondage slowly so the cool flow of air is not a great
shock to the person. This will increase the enjoyment of
the release from bondage.
Mummification can be done with other materials besides
plastic wrap. An inexpensive and comfortable
mummification can be done with an old sheet. Cut some
of the sheet into strips and leave the majority of the sheet
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Flagellation
• Never strike:
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Sensory Deprivation
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bottom to close their eyes until they are told to open them.
If the bottom is feeling at all submissive, this usually works
quite well. Blindfolds are another common way to deprive
someone of their sight. A handkerchief, or any piece of
cloth, can be used for this purpose. A safety note - when
you put a blindfold on someone, always check first whether
they wear contact lenses. If they do, you should put the
blindfold on very loosely, choose a type of blindfold that
does not press on the eye, or ask them to remove their
contacts before you continue to play. Pressure on the
contacts could cause damage to the eye. Be careful.
You can not really deprive someone of touch, but you
can control what they do touch. Putting someone's hands
in a pair of gloves, for example, means they can not touch
and feel anything other than the inside of the gloves.
Restricting the movement of their fingers reduces their
ability to touch.
There are two ways to deprive hearing - eliminate
hearing or control what the person hears. The safest way
to eliminate someone' s ability to hear is to use ear plugs.
Drugstores sell a type of foam ear plug that inserts into the
ear canal and effectively blocks sound. When using such
ear plugs, the bottom should insert them themselves. If
someone else does it there is a risk of pushing too hard and
damaging the ear.
To control what the other person hears you may simply
want to play a certain type of music. To eliminate all
sound but the music , you could place a pair of headphones
on the bottom. Now they'll only hear what music you
play . If you're electronically inclined, perhaps you could
hook up a microphone to the headphones so that all sound
but that of your voice is eliminated. This can be very
effective.
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When you are playing with a man ' s genitals, you are
engaged in cock and ball play. All this really means is that
you are concentrating your sensations on that area of the
body. What you actually do to that area depends on
personal preference. Bondage, light flagellation, skin
sensation and clothespin techniques are just some of the
possible ways you can play in this area.
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Anal/Vaginal Play
The main type of play one does with the anal cavity or
the vagina is insertion of some object or part of the body,
such as the penis, fingers or a hand. Once again,
remember that these parts of the body are very sensitive
areas. Be very careful when playing with them.
Some abide by the misconception that only gay men
enjoy anal play. That is simply not true. Anyone, male or
female, heterosexual or homosexual, may enjoy some form
of anal play. The key is to proceed carefully, always
remembering the delicate membranes that line the anal
cavity.
While a woman's vagina usually lubricates itself to some
extent, many women need additional lubrication for
comfortable play in that area. And the anal cavity always
needs plenty of lubrication for any kind of penetration.
Always use a water-based lubricant when lubricating these
areas. Drug stores carry such lubricants. Adult stores also
often carry an assortment of water-based lubricants made
specifically for erotic insertive play.
If you are inserting an object into a body orifice, make
sure it is meant to go there. Adult erotica suppliers make
a host of rubber insertion devices in a variety of shapes and
sizes. Make sure that it has a wide end on it so that the
object cannot accidentally slip entirely into the cavity.
Many a hospital emergency room attendant has seen cases
of objects inserted into rectums that the receivers were
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Skin Sensation
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very soft brush with much more force than you can a
toothpick, for example. Judging the correct amount of
force is paramount to ensuring good abrasion scenes.
Generally, a lighter touch produces more interesting results
than a harder one.
Because abrasion scenes capitalize on the sensitivity and
awareness of the skin surface, heightening the sensitivity
and awareness is desirable. One way to increase awareness
of the skin surface is to add some sensory deprivation to
your scene. For example, when you blindfold someone,
the attention they pay to their other senses, including touch,
increases. This can work to the benefit of an abrasion
scene.
Shaving is one of the most popular forms of abrasion
scenes. Many find the sensation of being shaved
enjoyable. In counterpoint, control over the hair of another
has great appeal for those doing the shaving. Still others
enjoy the look of a smooth body. For a number of
reasons, shaving is quite popular.
Almost any part of the body that has hair can be shaved.
Actually, you can also shave parts of the body that do not
have hair simply to enjoy the sensation of being shaved.
When shaving, there are certain technical and safety
guidelines to remember.
Never shave two people with the same razor blade. In
this age of disposable razors and blades, that's a pretty
easy requirement to meet. The type of razor most people
use for shaving scenes is the traditional safety razor. You
can pick up packs of such plastic disposable razors for very
little cost. When you ' re done with the shaving scene,
throw them away. You do not want to risk the possibility
of passing one person's body fluids to another.
To those who fantasize about using the old style straight
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Clothespins
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Nipple Play
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Never try any of them unless you have done a great deal of
research and utilized the assistance of a person, or
preferably more than one person, with knowledge and
experience in that area. The only way to find such people
is to become well networked within the SIM community.
Join a responsible SIM organization. Many of these have
educational programs that will teach you about these
aspects of SIM.
These advanced SIM techniques, if done correctly by
someone with lots of knowledge and experience, can be fun
and perfectly safe. If done incorrectly, they pose a
potential danger, possibly life threatening, that must be
respected. You would never go sky diving without the
proper training. It is just so with certain types of SIM
play .
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Chapter 7
THE PLAYGROUND
OF THE MIND
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The Playground of the Mind
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The Playground of the Mind
Before you ever had sex, your mind may have enjoyed
countless sexual experiences in your fantasies. Before you
experience anything in life, you usually think about it first.
So it is with S/M.
No two people take the same path to SIM. But one
thing is almost always true. Their mind usually thought
about it before they did it with their body. And usually it
takes time to get around to trying any new idea out. Few
people think about something as exciting as SIM one day
and do it the next. They dwell on it for a while.
Using the mind-before-body concept can be a useful tool
for SIM play. If you have an interest in some aspect of
SIM and your partner currently does not, or has never
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Roles
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The Playground of the Mind
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Chapter 8
S/M GEAR
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SIM Gear
Preparing a Playspace
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SIM Gear
• Rope
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• Belt
• Candles
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SIM Gear
• Plastic wrap
• Duct Tape
• Bandage scissors
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• Clothespins
• Chop sticks
• Toothbrush
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SIM Gear
If you travel and wish to bring some SIM gear with you,
there are certain considerations you should think about.
Traveling across a foreign border can often pose a risk
because you may be unfamiliar with laws regarding such
items. When traveling abroad, it is often a good idea to
keep your SIM gear simple and inconspicuous. A length
of rope and clothespins is to hang your hand-washed
clothes up in your hotel room, right? And a belt is
something you would have anyway. A toothbrush,
handkerchief, and leather shoe laces are certainly items
anyone might have with them on a trip.
Space is also a consideration. Packing bulky SIM gear
can take up valuable space in your luggage. With a little
thought and planning, you can pack plenty of SIM gear to
enjoy yourself while not weighing you down unnecessarily.
If you do decide to bring SIM gear that will likely be
perceived as such, never take it on the plane with you.
Airlines have strict regulations about what can be brought
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Chapter 9
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Personals Advertising
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Finding SIM Partners
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SIM-Related Events
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Finding SIM Partners
Bars
Unless you're a gay man , bars will not offer you much
of an opportunity for meeting potential partners. In some
large urban areas there are a few night spots where men
and women of all orientations can meet others with similar
SIM interests, but these clubs are few in number.
If you are a gay man, however, gay leather bars do
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Finding SIM Partners
Referrals
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Chapter 10
TIPS
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After a Scene
Avoid Ruts
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Tips
Avoid Drugs
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This ties in with the last section about playing over your
head. There may be times when the passion and
excitement of a scene become so great that you are no
longer thinking with your head, but with your genitals.
This is very dangerous if the activity you are doing at the
moment has any risks associated with it.
Be aware that this might happen and stop yourself for a
moment if it does. Ask yourself if this is the wise thing to
be doing. Are you qualified to do this? Is the other
person qualified? Will you regret this later?
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Tips
Staying In Shape
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Chapter 11
SAFETY
Health Safety
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Safety
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However you do it, the point is that you and your partner
must enter into your erotic scenes with a full understanding
of each other's safe sex guidelines .
If for some reason you do not have a chance to discuss
each other' s safe sex guidelines before playing, always play
on the conservative side of safety . That way you are not
likely to encroach on another person' s safe sex rules.
The guidelines below conform to the generally accepted
requirements for avoiding contact with IIlV and other
sexually transmitted diseases.
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Safety
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Safety
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Physical Safety
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Safety
the light adequate so you can see what you are doing?
• Have a basic first aid kit handy and know how to use it.
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Emotional Safety
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Safety
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Chapter 12
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Chapter 13
CONCLUSION
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THE S/M RESOURCES GUIDE
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Resources Guide is also welcome to submit that listing, in
writing , to the above address.
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RECOMMENDED READING
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Urban Aboriginals , by Geoff Mains, Gay Sunshine Press,
P.O. Box 40397, San Francisco, California 94140. An
intelligent and sensitive exploration of the gay men's
leather/SM subculture.
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GLOSSARY
The SIM scene has a language all its own. This section will
hopefully help the newcomer understand jargon associated with the SIM
scene.
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has not been in the scene for many years. Most SIM players stay away
from this type of play altogether.
Cutting - The cutting of the skin for erotic enjoyment. The cuts are
usually very superficial. It is done only by one highly skilled in this
technique, using sterile equipment.
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Glossary
Hot Wax - The dripping of hot wax from a candle onto the body
for erotic play. Beeswax candles should never be used because they
melt at a higher temperature and might leave blisters.
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Master - A man who assumes the role of one with total control over
the submissive partner (slave) in an S/M scene.
Mistress - A woman who assumes the role of one with total control
over the submissive partner (slave) in an S/M scene.
Piercing - The inserting of needles into the body for erotic effect.
The piercing can be temporary or permanent. Permanent piercings are
maintained by inserting various kinds of piercing jewlery.
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Glossary
Sadist - One who enj oys the giving of intense physical S/M
stimulation to another.
Slave - One who enjoys submission, with that submission being deep
enough to elicit the feeling of being owned or fully controlled by the
dominant partner.
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Tit Clamps - An SIM toy that places pressure on the nipples for
erotic stimulation.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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Books available from Daedalus Publishing Company
My Private Life
Real Experiences of a Dominant Woman
Within these pages the author, Mistress Nan, allows the reader a brief glimpse into the
true private life of an erotically dominant woman. As you read each sexually charged
chapter it is often hard to believe that what you are reading is true. But nothing in this
book is fiction. Mistress Nan has beautifully recou nted some of her more erotic and
exciting encounters with the men and women in her life. Each scene is vividly detailed
and reads like the finest erotica. Price: $14.95
ORDERING INFORMATION
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