COUNSELLING:

Oxford Dictionary (9th Edition) gives at least two definitions of counselling, which appear to be conflicting,

adding to potential confusion:

give advice to (a person) on social or personal problems, especially professionally.”

and

“the process of assisting and guiding clients, especially by a trained person on a professional basis, to resolve

especially personal, social, or psychological problems and difficulties.”

The Role of the Counsellor

First and foremost, counsellors need to be aware that no two people are alike.

No two people understand the same language in the same way; their understanding will always be
linked to their personal experience of the world. The role of the counsellor, therefore, is to help the
client to develop their own understanding of their situation.

They will enable the counselee to explore aspects of their life and feelings, by talking openly and freely. Talking
like this is rarely possible with family or friends, who are likely to be emotionally involved and have opinions
and biases that may affect the discussion. Talking to a counsellor gives counselees the opportunity to express
difficult feelings such as anger, resentment, guilt and fear in a confidential environment.

The counsellor may encourage the counselee to examine parts of their lives that they may have found difficult
or impossible to face before. There may be some exploration of early childhood experiences to throw some
light on why an individual reacts or responds in certain ways in given situations. This is often followed by
considering ways in which the counselee may change such behaviours.

Good counselling should reduce the counselee’s confusion, allowing them to make effective decisions leading
to positive changes in their attitude and/or behaviour. The ultimate aim of counselling is to enable the
counselee to make their own choices, reach their own decisions and act upon them.

Counselling Skills

There are a number of skills that are required by counsellors. Perhaps the most important are
good communication skills.

Counsellors need to be particularly able to listen effectively, giving their full attention to the counselee. They
need to be aware of body language and other non-verbal communication. Counselees will often
communicate far more non-verbally than verbally, so this is an important area of skill.

Questioning is an important skill for counsellors, just as it is in coaching. Counsellors use questioning both to
improve their understanding (as a form of clarification), and also as an active way to help expose the
counselee’s feelings and emotions. They will also use reflection to show that they have heard the counselee,
and to validate the counselee’s feelings and words.

Counsellors also need to be able to build a certain amount of rapport with their counselee, but not to an
extent that would allow them to become emotionally involved.

They also need to be empathetic. This means that they are aware of their counselee’s feelings and
emotions. Empathy goes beyond being sympathetic (which is basically feeling sorry for someone), because the
root of the word means to ‘feel with’. Empathy therefore means that the counsellor understands how the
counselees’ feels and can therefore ask appropriate questions and lead the counselee to positive conclusions.
The nature of empathy is rooted in helping others, and particularly in empowering them to help themselves, so
this is an essential skill area for counsellors.

THE PEOPLE WHO COUNSEL

The prophet Isaiah referred to the coming Messiah as the Wonderful Counsellor (Isaiah 9:6). As such, we
should find in our Lord Jesus Christ the characteristics which make a person the kind of counselor who will be
sought out.

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us
hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but
one who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore draw near with confidence
to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:14-
16).

From man’s perspective, God could never empathize with man’s trials and tests until He had identified Himself
with our humanity. This God did in Christ.
What is true of our Lord is also true of human counselors. The kind of person who seemingly has no problems
is not the one with whom I wish to share mine. How can such a person possibly understand my problems?

This is one of the greatest hindrances to those who are looked at as professionals. Professionals often appear
to live in a kind of sterile world, without troubles and trials. How can a person help me who doesn’t know what I
am going through?

Are you struggling in your Christian life? Do you experience frustration, failure, and defeat? God is not only
working to bring about your sanctification, but He may also be equipping you to help others.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who
comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the
comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God
(2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that
your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers (Luke 22:31-32).

No one can identify with men who fail better than those who have failed. No one can share God’s grace who
has not found it. Let us be honest and open about our failures so that others may not be intimidated by us and
fail to seek help from us.

Availability

One of the most striking features of our Lord’s earthly ministry was His availability. In the midst of countless
demands upon Him, He was willing to set aside what He was doing in order to minister to men. Ability to
minister is useless without availability. Our Lord never sent men away who were in need. If we are to minister
to men and women we must make the time to do so.

Sensitivity

Not every person who needs help asks for it. More than this, not everyone who needs help is even aware of
their need. Because of this, a willingness to help when asked is not enough. In addition, one who is to minister
godly counsel to others must have a tremendous sensitivity to the needs of others.

In Luke’s Gospel, we are introduced to Zaccheus, a man who apparently was too short to see Jesus in the
crowd and too bashful to seek Him directly. Jesus, knowing the desire of his heart and the needs which he
had, directed His attention to Zaccheus and said,
Zaccheus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house (Luke 19:5).

And he hurried and came down, and received Him gladly (Luke 19:6).

David did not seek out Nathan the prophet (2 Samuel 12), nor will the fallen saint seek out a rebuke. It is our
obligation to seek out those who need a word from God.

Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of
gentleness; looking to yourselves, lest you too be tempted (Galatians 6:1).

Whether we are the offended party (Matthew 18:15), the offender (Matthew 5:23-26), or have knowledge of the
offense (Galatians 6:1), we must pursue restoration and healing.

The love of God is a searching, seeking, initiating love (John 4:23; Romans 5:6-8; I John 4:19). If we would
evidence divine love, we must not wait for men to seek us out; we must seek them in their hour of need.
Love

When we read of Jesus’ encounter with the rich young ruler, we find these words,

And looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him, “One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess,
and give it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and, come, follow me” (Mark 10:21).
This man was not a believer at the time Jesus spoke with him. So far as we know, he never was saved. Yet
Jesus loved him. But the rich man loved his money.