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thebellcurve
CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ + 1] A college sophomore is crowned Mr. Gay

Philadelphia. According to the dry-erase
board on his door.

[ + 2] New Jersey begins investigating three

sheriff’s officers for collecting a pension
while also serving. Because in other
places that’s not, like, what people do.

[ + 3] A local botanist has a rare fungus named

after him. According to the graffiti in the
men’s room near his lab.

[0 ] The Oyster House debuts “Dump Dinners,”

wherein buckets of shellfish are dumped
on your newspaper-wrapped table. “But
you said you loved me,” says devastated
mollusk.

[ -1 ] A thief steals 10 of City Council’s ste-

nographer machines. The ransom note
arrived sooo quick.

[ -1 ] Center City’s Naked Chocolate Cafe clo-

ses its doors. And slowly begins unbut-
toning its blouse. EVAN M. LOPEZ

[0 ] Upon hearing the news that Osama Bin

Laden had been killed, Phillies fans begin
chanting “USA!” at Citizens Bank Park.
Yeah, and then we barfed red, white and
blue all over each other.
[0 ] On the House floor, Pennsylvania legisla-
tors sing “God Bless America.” Which
proves Bell Curve’s favorite pet theory:
State government is a grade school pag-
[ special treatment ] Asked whether handing out passes to essentially break the
law isn’t, well, a little inappropriate for a candidate for judge,
OUT OF COURTESY DiVergilis claimed, “I don’t know anything about the cards,” add-
ing, “Mr. McNesby is doing that.” McNesby, who chairs DiVergilis’
Should the police union be handing out “cour- campaign, maintains, as he did to the Inquirer last year, that the
tesy cards” to its favorite candidates — including cards are meaningless. “Maybe 20 years ago,” admits McNesby, the
card helped carriers avoid tickets. “But now we have cops locking
a judge? By Holly Otterbein
up cops,” he says. “It’s a different breed of police today.”

L
M A Y 5 - M A Y 1 1 , 2 0 1 1 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

eant with higher cholesterol levels.
[ + 3] Sen. Larry Farnese proposes a bill that
would put serial straw purchasers behind
bars for at least five years.“Unless some-
body comes forward and admits to shoot-
ing this spitball into my Lunchables.”
[ -2 ] Police find a fake pipe bomb at the First
Bank of the United States building in Old
City. And we will not rest until this idiot is
brought to justice, either. USA! USA!
6 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |
ast year, in an article published by the Inquirer, the Police Then why bother passing them out at political fundraisers? “It’s
Department’s largest union claimed that police “courtesy like coin-collecting groups, patch-collecting groups,” says McNesby.
cards” — better known on the street as “get-out-of-jail-free” “A lot of people collect cards from different organizations.”
cards — were “basically worthless.” “It’s a thing of the past,”
Funny, then, that City Paper has found the cards popping up “It’s like coin- concurs police spokesman Lt.
again amid this year’s election — and, contrary to being worthless, collecting Ray Evers.
going for a handsome price indeed. The cards — pocket-size blue groups.” Nakedphilly.com, a local
real estate blog, found that
notes, signed by Fraternal Order of Police Lodge 5 President John
McNesby — state that “all courtesies of the organization” should be DiVergilis isn’t the only one enjoying such donor enticements: 6th
given to the card’s carrier. According to local legend, flash the card Council District candidate Bobby Henon’s campaign, that blog
after getting pulled over (for, presumably, a minor offense) and you reports and FOP president McNesby confirms, made a similar offer.
might get a warning instead of a ticket. As of press time, Henon did not respond for comment.

[ -1 ] Neighbors in Washington Square fight
over who owns a tiny street not main-
tained by the city. How about this: Nobody
owns it. It’s a street.
[ + 2] Krispy Kreme opens its first Center
City location. Type 2 Diabetes! Type 2
Diabetes!
This week’s total: 6 | Last week’s total: 8
Traditionally, police officers have provided the cards to family
members and friends. But according to a letter recently sent out by
the FOP, the union is also handing them out to folks who support
their favorite candidates.
In the April 12 letter obtained by CP, the FOP invites donors to a
fundraiser for Jim DiVergilis, a candidate for judge in the Court of
Common Pleas. For a $500 donation to DiVergilis’ campaign, the let-
ter reads, contributors will receive “15 courtesy cards signed by our
president.” For $100, they get 10 cards; for $50, five cards.
Both DiVergilis and Henon have been endorsed by the FOP.
Since the union has endorsed hopefuls in every Council race, as
well as several judicial candidates, CP asked each person support-
ed by the FOP if their campaign has received any courtesy cards.
As of press time, no other candidates said they did.
McNesby says that so far this year, the FOP has provided cards
only to supporters of DiVergilis and Henon’s campaigns. “But I’d do
it again,” he adds.
(holly.otterbein@citypaper.net)