Christopher Hall Hall 1

Professor Jennifer Newhouse

Eng 112-73A: College Composition 2

4/23/22

Sample Revision
Proposal Essay: Awareness of student debt

When students graduate from High School and go off to college, in their eyes, this is an

eye opening and life changing opportunity. Some students might have a hard time trying to

afford college tuition and would have to take out a loan for them to afford college. College

students could struggle with this and would have a changeling time trying to maintain college

classes while also going to work because some college students probably must work a Job so

they can pay off some of the student loan. Therefore, the Government should help with the

student-loan burden because it would take some sort of stress off the students and would make

college life for students a little more maintainable. The Government could easily help with

student loans and would make students more interested about going to college.

There are many ways a college student can deal with student loans, they would either

work at a job while in college or they might have to wait after they graduate from college and

would still have to worry about student loans for the rest of their lives. Some students would

have to deal with student loans all the way up to their fifties, to put things in prospective some

student loans could take a long time to get paid off fully. By the government helping with the

student loan burden, college students could avoid these things and could get on with their lives.

All students come from different walks of life financial, therefore some students obligate for
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receiving funds are very slim. The government has more than enough money, so they could use

that money to help aid student loans.

The student loans have hit all college students hard before, but during the pandemic a

large percentage of college students had to take out a loan. The money that the government

invest in, could help many colleges student loans because this could bring more students in for

college which could bring the college more money in the process. Student loans wouldn’t only

be hard on a student’s wallet, but also their credit score as they get older and don’t pay anything

towards their loans. The government could implement more programs that would help with

students their loans, this would help thousands of college students. This could benefit more than

enough students because it wouldn’t have to come out of the student’s wallet and would benefit

more in a student’s wallet by the money being saved that the student would have spent in student

loans.

A student can have good grades and a good GPA but would still have to worry about the

student loans could hinder them. “Millions of students will arrive on college campuses soon, and

they will share a similar burden: college debt” (585). Over time the loan that student has taken

out would steadily increase towards and after graduation and would be more than what they

started with. College debt is caused by the student loans and this effects a lot of college students

every year. Student loans are more than we think, think about it millions of kids go to college

and the amount of money they must borrow, the amount is server. When some student go to

college, they already know and are ready to take this risk because something like this is not

going to last forever for them.

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For the government to help, they would probably look at where you come from and look

at how much money does your parents make. For the students that come from nothing should be

the ones to receive the most help from the government so they can avoid student loans. The

amount of money that a college student walks into is bad because they must worry about college

tuition, classes, books, transportation, and apartment if they are living off campus. If the

government covered student loans, college would be easier for a lot of students. College is meant

to be a learning life changing opportunity, not a debt pool for students.

Even though education is important to all students in college, there is a study that shows

Americans owe an estimated $1.7 trillion dollars in student debt. This factor probably results

from the increasing rate of the cost of education that has been on the rise over the years. Another

way for the government to help with student loans, is to forgive them and which could cost them

well over $2 trillion dollars, even though it’s a lot of money for the government’s economy, it

would highly help all students. Forgiving student loans mean that a student is not subject to pay

some or the whole amount of that student loan. Student loans are a huge burden to all students in

college and should be lifted upon all of them.

Student loans forgiveness can’t be given to all students in college because some students

haven’t graduated from college and plus students must be above the age of twenty-five. Student

loan forgiveness only apply to those who have had a long time up to twenty or twenty-five years

to pay off their student loans. After graduation, student loans should be dismissed so students

could continue with lives and try to use their degree that they have been working hard for so they
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can find the perfect job and not having to worry about student loans. Student loans are not only

burdens in a student’s life but also a pausing obligation in the path of a student, some students

that graduate from their college or university has to most likely work a lower end job that they

don’t want to work just so they can get their student loans in order, a graduate student probably

won’t find a job that comfortably concise their major until their mid to late twenties. Students

must wait to use their life changing opportunity that they earned at the college level.

Though out the entire country of the United States, there are numerous of Community

Colleges, regular colleges, Historically Black Colleges and Universities, and other universities.

There are a lot of schools for students that want to go to college and pursue a career that

motivates and interest them. All schools are not the same and are totally different from one to

another because some of them have a low or high acceptance rate and have a different graduation

rate as well. The school that the student chooses to go to depends on the cost of education, some

schools are more expensive than other schools and some schools are cheaper than others, but it

all comes down to the preference of the student that wants to attend a college or university.

Student loans can fluctuate depending on what school was chosen by the student because a

student probably would have to take out either a large student or a small student loan depending

on what college or university that student has chosen. A student should look at schools that best

suits them.

Finding a school that best suits a student is a good way to avoid student loans because all

students don’t have that much money like other students and a good alternative if that’s the case,

is Community College. Even though the student loans can be forgiven, and the government could

do stuff to help with student loan burden, why not avoid all of that by going to a Community

College and save money. Not only can a student save themself from student loans, but it also
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wouldn’t be as stressful when a student transfers because Community College is a two-year

program and after that student is done with those two years of Community College, He or she

would be able to transfer to any College or University of their choose. The student would have to

pay as much when transferring. This tool would take some of the stress that student would have

to worry about because they would have to worry about student loans.

The burden of student loans is long from over and would be around for quite some time

and would be with all students in college, it’s just something that comes with the college

lifestyle. The cost of education would probably increase a little bit ten years from now. What the

government is doing for student loan burden it’s not enough even though they are trying. Student

loans is one of those things that could be avoided but eventually would be in a college students’

life. Government must step it up and help more and should get more involved in the student loan

burden because they are more students in debt than they think.
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Work Cited

About the authors: Anna Helhoski is a writer and NerdWallet's authority on student loans. Her
work has appeared in The Associated Press. (n.d.). Student Loan Debt Statistics: 2022.
NerdWallet. Retrieved May 7, 2022, from
https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/loans/student-loans/student-loan-debt#:~:text=Student
%20loan%20borrowers%20in%20the,Louis

Collier, L. (2021, September 23). “Student Loans”. Franklin. Retrieved May 7, 2022, from
library.cqpress.com/cqresearcher/cqr_ht_college_debt_2021.

Collier, L. (2020, August 10). “College Debt”. Franklin. Retrieved May 7, 2022, from
library.cqpress.com/cqresearcher/cqr_ht_college_debt_2020.

Forgive student debt. Intelligence Squared US. (2021, March 25). Retrieved May 7, 2022, from
https://www.intelligencesquaredus.org/debate/forgive-student-debt-0/

Friedman, Z. (2022, April 21). How to get student loan forgiveness. Forbes. Retrieved May 7,
2022, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/zackfriedman/2021/11/07/how-to-get-student-
loan-forgiveness/?sh=28ebf249117a
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After reviewing the proposal essay, there were some mistakes and errors that I have
missed when first writing this paper essay. There were some spelling errors that I didn’t pick up
on at first and when I was revising, I found out there were better word options that would make
the sentence flow a little more smoothly instead of choppy. For my work cited page I have re-
done all my sources and have put them in the correct alphabetical order. In some paragraphs,
there were some punction errors that I have added so when reading the sentence, its not like a
run on sentence. This revision really opened my eyes to what I was doing wrong and what I was
missing.