I really don't know what I'm doing here.

A few hours ago, it seemed like a particularly good idea, I was even
excited and thrilled to finally take the plunge. But as I neared my destination, I slowly began to worry. I expected
the nervousness to set in eventually, but this paralysis is the worst!
I can't even remember how I got here. The whole drive to his apartment is still a blur. How did I get to the
kitchen...? I have a faint memory of him taking my luggage, and my coat from me, and offering me the drink I still
hold untouched in my hands. He must have sensed how anxious I was because he kept giving me looks as he
spoke.
It's a very unsettling feeling when you're in the same room for the first time with the object of your fantasies.
There is no screen to protect me, to cover my shyness, the red on my cheeks and the deafening sound of my
heartbeat. I haven't been able to say a word since we first met.
If I hadn't been so nervous, I would have seen that he was uncomfortable too. You can't tell though, he seems as
relaxed as ever, smiling, and attentive. I hear him ask something about the lemongrass we'll be using in the
recipe, and I nod absently, offering my help in a quivering voice. He lifts his head from his workstation and for the
first time since he picked me up at the airport, our eyes meet.
I've looked into his eyes a thousand times. I could draw them repeatedly with my eyes closed. He often jokes
they're as black as his heart, but I disagree, his heart is gold. And even now, while I curse the first time I
impulsively said, "Let's meet, sexy face!", I can't ignore the warmth I feel when I'm this close to him. It radiates
out and envelops me in that glow I only feel in his presence.
I don't even know where to look, I've waited so long for this, thousands of times I've imagined and dreamed it. I
want to reach out and touch him, I feel a tingle in my fingers, I look at his back, and how I wish I could just wrap
my arms around him and lay my head on his back. But his eyes tell a different story, they're so dark, sharp,
intimidating. The contrast between his cool demeanour and the fire in his eyes is so striking that I wonder if I'm
reading too much into the situation.
Caught in his gaze, I just stand there, staring back, my mouth dry, trying to say something funny or witty. He
grins at me and my heart melts...the pounding gets louder. It almost hurts, this is real, this is really happening.
"It's okay hun, you can rest, let me do it." His eyes leave mine and slowly begin to scan my face, lingering on my
lips. My heart is about to jump out of my chest. I lick my lips anxiously. I feel like digging a hole in the ground and
disappearing. Thank God I have a glass in my hand ... maybe the taste of the alcohol will help calm my nerves.
I'm compelled to look at him ... because although his gaze is intimidating, the fire, desire, and joy I see in it are
unmistakable. It's addictive,
But I can't lift my head; I'm not ready to face the turbulent emotions that make my heart swoon. I dip my lips into
the amber drink, hoping it will help me regain my composure before I suddenly start coughing...this drink is way
too strong for me... The next second he's next to me, frowning, genuinely concerned, "Are you okay?", He
quickly pats me on the back. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's the closeness, but I can't help but blush and
shiver.
I can almost feel the warmth of his body, smell him, I close my eyes tightly for a second. I don't want him to see
how this is affecting me, but even with my eyes closed, I know he's so close. I feel like I'm burning, my skin is
getting hotter, I need to put some distance between us now, the tension is too much.
I can't really take a step back because my back is to the kitchen cabinet. He leans against me for a moment, and
I clasp the glass with my fingers. Is he going to kiss me? I open my eyes, breathing a little heavier now.

His hands rest on either side of me, and I feel another shiver run through me. It irritates me. He does this to me,
without even trying, setting all my senses on fire, and I haven't found a way to fight this weakness. Gently, he
takes the glass from my hand before placing it on the counter behind me and moving towards me.
Finally, I lift my head to meet his eyes. They're filled with pure, dancing, liquid black flames. I've never seen him
with such an expression. He's no longer grinning, and that intensity is unbearable, but I can't take my eyes off
him. My breath quickens and my lips tremble, I bite down on them to keep from moaning, he comes closer and
closer, I'm mesmerised, I don’t know what I want to do anymore, run away or run to him? The anticipation is
killing me, instinctively I place a hand on his chest to gently push him away, the throbbing I feel under my fingers
is incredible.

He grabs my hand and brings it slowly to his lips... My heart constricts in my throat. I want to beg him to kiss me,
but all I can do is gasp and moan as the tip of his tongue grazes my fingers. He grins, making my heart sink into
the pit of my stomach. He's teasing me, toying with me. I quickly pull my hand back, annoyed to be the only one
caught in the moment, and again I try to push him out of the way, I can feel my eyes burning, I don't want him to
see me disappointed, it's just a kiss after all. "Look at me," his voice rings in my ear, softer, sweeter. I lift my
head; the Black Sea of his emotions haven't calmed at all. But this time, when I look into his eyes, it's different.
The hunger is softer now. He smiles and very gently brushes his lips against mine. "Hello Kathie, I'm Tom. Thank
you for coming to see me. It's nice to finally meet you."