God,

Please stop the time

Ay Ptts

Its already 5pm. My most hated time of the day, especially during Thursdays. I looked outside the window, everything seems to be in a fast paced motion, as if leaving me behind, who is unable to move forward. Sooner or later the sun would say goodbye together with the man whos holding me with his warm and soft hands. Ill miss him again. I told myself, containing the tears thats about to burst out of my eyes. I stared at the people walking like zombies with briefcases and bags on their shoulders, they all look like they know what theyre doing. Even with their distressed faces, you could see that they all have purpose. I wonder where mine is. I continued observing the rapid changes people around me do. What are you looking at, Aya? I heard him asked. Nothing, just the people whose lives are moving faster and way more meaningful than mine. I said, still looking outside my car window. Whyd you say that? My brows furrowed and I turned to face him. Say what? Say that their lives are more meaningful than yours? I shook my head as if saying that I meant nothing, because the truth is, I really dont know where it came from. I didnt really know why I said that, maybe Im just trying to make sense to it. Maybe Im just being too sensitive of what we both know may come anytime soon for us. He just looked at me, his eyes still questioning but he chose not to ask more. As always, Enzo chose not to ask me anything more than I say. He knew me well. His gaze went back to the road and I could feel the distance between us emerging. I hate this cold feeling every time we have to step out of our time together. Its like every Thursday we have to break up, lose each other, and mend the next time we meet again. I hate it. Then my car suddenly went into a halt.

Were already outside the train station. Here we go again. Are you gonna visit me next week? I asked, nervously facing him. I dont know. Maybe. He replied, his eyes avoiding me. My heart sunk and felt the rushing feeling of sadness beginning to haunt me again. I looked outside the window again and nod my head slightly. Oh. Okay. Lets go. He said unbuckling his seatbelt and hopping out of the car. I followed him and walked together towards the gates of the train station. I could see children running around the playground near the place, their eyes glittering with joy. I hope innocence would just stay into a persons life even if he or she is already an adult, the life of not being too complicated, and the life of not being scared to say good bye. It would be nice living in that world. No more good byes and always happy. We walked slowly, my hand clinging slightly ajar on his arm. He went into the ticket booth to buy ticket and we went straight to the ledge waiting for the train to approach. We both stood beside each other while the orange ray of sun shone through our faces. Its a lovely sight, seeing his astonishing face in front of me. Hes standing stately while his windswept hair hanging in front of his sea green eyes and his jaws perfectly form as he looked up the sky. I could feel my heart melting at the sight of him and then, I bowed my head and stared at my feet. I cant take it anymore. I cant look at him anymore. I might want him to stay. I dont want to be selfish. I felt his hand on my shoulders and moved to my arm then reached my hand. It sent shivers to my spine as he slightly squeezed it. I looked up at him, hes smiling.

You okay? I nodded my head and forced a smile. I cant dare to open my mouth as I can feel the lump on my throat slowly choking me. Then I heard the distinct sound of the trains horn from the distance. Here it goes. Its coming. Aya, Im going now. I heard him say and I slowly glanced at him, his hands both on his pockets, his bag lying on the floor and his eyes avoiding mine. Okay. I said under my breath. My voice sounded weak and frail. Ill call you when I get home. I nodded my head and clasped both of my hands. He took his bag and clenched it with his right hand. Ill give you a text message if I could come next Thursday. I nodded my head again and bowed down. Aya he cupped my face in both of his hands and tilted my head so that he could look intently into my eyes. I held both of his hands and felt the warmth of it. Good bye. He said and kissed my forehead. My lips tremble as I tried to smile. Even in my very hardest, I opened my mouth and say, Okay. And with that came the loud horn of the train , succumbing our beating hearts with its deafening noise. He took a step forward the yellow line, letting go of my hand. Chug. Chug. Chug. It kept ringing in my ear over and over. I am staring at his back while hes looking at the approaching train. No! I wanted to say that.

No! Please, no! I can hear my heart saying loudly inside of me. Carlo, please no, not yet! In my 20 years of existence and being one of the densest people, I did that one thing I thought I would not do. I let go of my pride and took the risk of humiliation. Please, stay with me for a while more. Please stay with me, Carlo. I said as I was hugging him tight from behind, my face pressed on his back. My heart thumping wildly inside my chest and I could feel my head getting dizzy with thoughts going through my mind. I felt Carlos hand clutched mine and he turned around to look at me.

Coffee? I turned around from the bench where I was sitting silently and saw him holding two cups of coffee. I smiled and watch him as he sat next to me. Thank you. I said coyly. I took a sip of my coffee and caught him gazing at me. What? He smiled genuinely at me, his white teeth brightening his face more. Im just happy you asked me to stay. He said cheerfully with his boyish actuations. I felt my cheeks blushed and bashfully looked away. Im sorry to bother you, by the way. I know you need to be there as soon as you can. I said stiffly. I heard him laugh again making my ear tingle with the sound of it. His laugh could easily make my heart dance. I wish he could really stay longer with me. He put his hand on the top of my head and scrunched my hair. I glared at him and pouted my lips.

Hey! I retorted as I tried to brush my hair neatly. I heard him took a deep breath and scratched his nose. Thank you. My eyes widened and stared at him. For what? For saying what you feel. For the first time, ever since I went to the city to work, you never asked me to stay. He said while scratching his head and trying to avoid my gaze. I thoughtI always thought you didnt like me. He whispered while his gaze hesitant to look my way. I sadly looked up at him, hes still smiling but somehow, I can feel that its not reaching his eyes. There was a long pause between us. The train station is already deserted and everything around us is empty. All I can hear is the buzzing sound of the crickets and the whirr of the August breeze. I looked up the lights around the train station and took notice of the moth trying to make sense of the lamp post. The shrill silence became more and more uneasy between us. I carefully took a sip of my coffee again, its bittersweet taste bathe my tongue. Its the same taste of what I feel right now. I brushed a hand through my hair and looked up the sky. Do you love me? he suddenly blurted out, my head jerked towards him, my eyes widened from shock. My heart skipped a beat and I felt it shatter into pieces. Why did he suddenly ask that? Is he not feeling it yet? Is there something missing with what Im showing him? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not good enough of a girlfriend to him?

But come to think of it, Ive never once, not even once told him that I love him.

Do I love him? I slowly turned my head and continued gazing up in the sky, the little stars are blinking back at me. It feels like theyre dancing and making me smile. Another long silence deferred between us. He stood up and held his bag again. I can feel the pain as I watch him stood behind the yellow line. I should tell him soon. I should let him know. I should not keep this just for myself. And then a tear left my eye, and then another, then another, until Im sobbing uncontrollably. I stood up and opened my mouth. I love you. My voice sounded like a squeak and I felt my heart pounding out of control inside my chest. Its even making me hard to breathe. Carlo, I love you! He turned to look at me with his eyes covered in tears as well. Ive always love you. He stared into my eyes and I can feel my knees weaken. I can hear the distinct sound of horns from afar again. Its getting closer and closer. Im dreading as its sound came just near where we both stand. He took a leap towards me and hugged me tight. I can feel the beat of his heart as he pressed me tighter to him.

Its an everlasting happiness as I felt our souls transcending to one another. The joy of becoming this close to him and being more honest and open to him makes me complete. Promise me that youll always smile every morning and evening. Even without me, just keep smiling. Eat on time, Aya. Dont be late for school. Be a good girl to tita Ona and tito Serafin. And always drink your medicine, okay? I nodded my head as he continuously reminding me of the things I should do when hes not there to tell it to me over and over. Yes, I promise, Carlo. The memories we have together flashed before my eyes. All the smiles and laughter can be seen one by one as I reminisce through it. And then the train came, sending the whipping sounds and carrying my memories away with it, bringing me back to reality that Carlo and I have to part again. The sound of the trains doors beeped and opened. Carlos gripped on me tighter as I also did the same, my chin resting on his shoulder while his arms wrapped around my waist. The smell of his distinct perfume penetrating my nostrils as I tried to breathe the air above us. I love you, Aya. I heard him whispered on my ear. And a tear rolled through my cheek again. I love you too, Carlo. We let go and he slowly stepped inside the train going back to the city where he chose to reach for his dream. The city in which hell go back and find the future he wants for both of us. Hes still standing at the doorway unmoving and looking straight at me. My foot was also glued at the floor steadfastly facing him and waiting. And then the doors closed and the train started to move. I waved my hand goodbye and forced to smile at him. I shouldnt let him see how sad it is to say goodbye to him every week like this. He should always take courage, most especially from me. I looked up at the sky again. I stared at it long and hard.

And then, I clasped my hands and raised it just in front of my chest, I bowed my head and closed my eyes. With a smile, I prayed Kamisama, anata wa watashitachi o ataete iru kono Ni Tsute kurete arigat. Aya wa, montekaruro
no subete jikan o sewa o suru yonegatashimasu. Watashi wa mata anata ga watashi ni mainichi tatakau tame ni kydo o ataeru koto o ino~tsu. Watashi wa sono ji mokuy yky suru, watashi to Carlo no no tame no no jikan o teishi, kudasai. Kore wa jibun no inoridesu. Hontni arigatougozaimashita. men.
(God, thank you for this day that you have given us. I ask that you take care of Carlo all the time. I also pray that you give me strength everyday to fight. I plead that next Thursday, please, stop the time for me and Carlo. This is my prayer. Thank you so much. Amen.)

It was another Thursday with Carlo and Im unable to tell if there could be a next time. We both know that time would tell when or where its going to be. Ill just hope hell never stop loving me. Ill just hope hell do this for me every week. And Ill keep on praying we stayed together even after a hundred years.

FIN :)

[Disclaimer && Authors Note] This story was (sort of) adapted from a Japanese music video. I was just inspired by the concept and used it to create this story. Any means of distributing this story without my permission is strictly prohibited. Happy reading people and God bless you! Bow. :)
Credits: to Google for the translation, Toki Wo Tomete by Tiara for the inspiration and my family for always being there for me. Mi loves you. :)

-Ay Ptts
November 2011