My existence is like a book, at first it was just a mere blank page.

Nothing words

imprinted in it; it has nothing to tell. But, as time goes by, the life that I have shifted to the thing

I did not expect to happen. It feels like I was trapped in the middle of the storm, I have nothing

but only myself. I tried to escape but it was arduous, and the storm was trying to devour me, it

was really insane. However, I remained steadfast. I tried to escape even how dangerous it is, I

risked my own self. I did not think for the possibilities that my life would end. Suddenly, the

storm disappeared, the sun rose at its highest peak, but when I woke up, I realized it was just a

dream and continued sleeping.

For almost 19 years of my life adventure, that dream was a sign that my life will face a

tough battle. Ever since, I knew in myself that I am different, but I am normal as how I perceived

myself. It was hard to fit in the society with a narrow mindset about our gender identity. I tried to

be straight for me to boost my confidence, but it worsens the situation. When I finally embraced

myself, that was the time that people started to appreciate my being. My family was the first

persons to accept me, they are the biggest part of my life. Without them, I would not be able to

see this world. The way how I value my life is the same as how I value them. When I finally

reached my teenage life, that was also the time that my life turned like a puzzle maze. I thought

that after my gender crisis, life will be easy for me, but I was wrong. I started to question God

and even myself, “Is this the true meaning of life? to suffer?” but, I continued to fight because I

saw my parents how they fought for us and that gave me courage to continue. After all the ups

and downs, I realized that life is about continuance. And what life gives meaning is the person

who knows how to appreciate life regardless of what it is. I am still in the run of my lifelong

journey and my purpose is not vividly clear for me, though I have done something that reflects

my being. I trust the process and I know I will be there, I just need to sail the vast ocean no
matter how challenging it is. I hope for things that would help me become the best version of

myself.

Now, it is clear that the thing in my dream was a message for myself. Indeed! My life is

like a book, it was made with black pages once, but I realized I was created with a purpose, to be

filled with a lot of scribbles, of words, and of thoughts. All the things I went through will bind

my infinite pages together, and this will be published, that would inspire others.