Rejection Proof Summary

 “When I was confident, friendly, and open, people

seemed more inclined to go along with my request; even
if they said no, they at least stayed engaged longer to ask
questions”.
 “If a person who fears rejection were suddenly unafraid
of it, what might she be capable of?”
 “Paul Graham, the entrepreneur and founder of the
famous start-up accelerator Y Combinator, once wrote:
‘The way to get startup ideas is not to try to think of
startup ideas. It’s to look for problems, preferably
problems you have yourself’.”
 “Researchers have even proved that humor—and
laughter specifically—can actually mitigate pain”.
 “When you are not afraid of rejection and it feels like you
have nothing to lose, amazing things can happen”.
 “Through [an] experiment, I observed a very important
fact: people could react to the same request very
differently, and it said nothing about me”.
 “Rejection seemed less like “the truth” and more like an
opinion”.
 “That opinion could be based on their mood, their needs
and circumstances at that moment, or their knowledge,
experience, education, culture, and upbringing over a
lifetime”.
 “Through my rejection experiments, I began to realize
that I could often get a yes simply by talking to enough
people”.
 “It’s as if becoming a master of a craft requires not just
great skills, but also the ability to weather rejections to
get to an acceptance—not to mention an unfailing belief
in themselves and their own work”.
 “But if acceptance is the only thing a person strives for,
all she or he needs to do is to talk to enough people.
Odds are that someone will eventually say yes”.
 “Asking why tended to clear up any misunderstanding
on my part about the other person’s motivations”.
 “Asking why can open up a whole new channel of
understanding and possibility between a requester and a
requestee”.
 “One of the greatest lessons of my journey was that any
rejection can have hidden upsides, if only we are willing
to look for them”.
 “Instead of sulking, just hanging on, or simply giving up
after the first fifteen minutes, I treated the experience as
a feedback tool, and quickly changed my tactics without
abandoning the cause altogether”.
 “Perhaps the question we should ask about an idea is not
‘How do I avoid rejection?’ but ‘Is my idea worthy of
rejection?’”
 “In the end, what we really need is not acceptance from
others but acceptance from ourselves. In fact, being
comfortable with who we are should be a prerequisite—
not the result—of seeking others’ approval”.

24 Lessons Learned
1. Rejection Is Human: Rejection is a human
interaction with two sides. It often says more about the
rejector than the rejectee, and should never be used as
the universal truth and sole judgment of merit.

2. Rejection Is an Opinion: Rejection is an opinion of

the rejector. It is heavily influenced by historical context,
cultural differences, and psychological factors. There is
no universal rejection or acceptance.

3. Rejection Has a Number: Every rejection has a

number. If the rejectee goes through enough rejections, a
no could turn into a yes.

4. Ask “Why” Before Good-bye: Sustain the

conversation after the initial rejection. The magic word is
“why,” which can often reveal the underlying reason for
the rejection and present the rejectee with the
opportunity to overcome the issue.

5. Retreat, Don’t Run: By not giving up after the

initial rejection, and instead retreating to a lesser
request, one has a much higher chance of landing a yes.

6. Collaborate, Don’t Contend: Never argue with the

rejector. Instead, try to collaborate with the person to
make the request happen.

7. Switch Up, Don’t Give Up: Before deciding to quit

or not to quit, step back and make the request to a
different person, in a different environment, or under a
different circumstance.

8. Give A “Why”: By explaining the reason behind the

request, one has a higher chance to be accepted.
9. Start with “I”: Starting the request with the word
“I” can give the requestor more authentic control of the
request. Never pretend to think in the other person’s
interests without genuinely knowing them.

10. Acknowledge Doubts: By admitting obvious and

possible objections in your request before the other
person, one can increase the trust level between the two
parties.

11. Target the Audience: By choosing a more

receptive audience, one can enhance the chance of being
accepted.

12. Patience and Respect: Rejection is usually a hard

message. Delivering the message with the right attitude
can go a long way to soften the blow. Never belittle the
rejectee.

13. Be Direct: When giving a rejection, present the

reason after the rejection. Avoid long and convoluted
setup and reasoning.

14. Offer Alternatives: By offering alternatives to get

a yes, or even simple concessions, one can make the
other person a fan even in rejection.

15. Motivation: Rejection can be used as one of the

strongest motivations to fuel someone’s fire for
achievement.

16. Self-Improvement: By taking the motion out of

rejection, one can use it as an effective way to improve
an idea or product.
17. Worthiness: Sometimes it is good to be rejected,
especially if public opinion is heavily influenced by group
and conventional thinking, and if the idea is radically
creative.

18. Character Building: By seeking rejection in tough

environments, one can build up the mental toughness to
take on greater goals.

19. Find Empathy: All rejections are shared by many

people in the world. One can use rejection and suffering
to obtain empathy and understanding of other people.

20. Find Value: Repeated rejections can serve as the

measuring stick for one’s resolve and belief. Some of the
greatest triumphant stories come only after gut-
wrenching rejections.

21. Find Mission: Sometimes the most brutal

rejections in life signal a new beginning and mission for
the rejectee.

22. Freedom to Ask: We often deprive ourselves of

the freedom to ask for what we want in fear of rejection
and judgment. But amazing things often happen only
after we take the first step.

23. Freedom to Accept Yourself: Our inner need for

approval-seeking forces us to constantly look for
acceptance from other people. Yet the people from
whom we need acceptance the most is ourselves.

24. Detachment from Results: By focusing on

controllable factors such as our efforts and actions, and
by detaching ourselves from uncontrollable outcomes
such as acceptance and rejection, we can achieve greater
success in the long run