What

I learned from 100 days of rejection

Jia Jiang · Author, blogger, entrepreneur

00:12
When I was six years old, I received my gifts. My first grade teacher
had this brilliant idea. She wanted us to experience receiving gifts
but also learning the virtue of complimenting each other. So she
had all of us come to the front of the classroom, and she bought
all of us gifts and stacked them in the corner. And she said, "Why
don't we just stand here and compliment each other? If you hear
your name called, go and pick up your gift and sit down." What a
wonderful idea, right? What could go wrong?
00:46
(Laughter)
00:48
Well, there were 40 of us to start with, and every time I heard
someone's name called, I would give out the heartiest cheer. And
then there were 20 people left, and 10 people left, and five left ...
and three left. And I was one of them. And the compliments
stopped. Well, at that moment, I was crying. And the teacher was
freaking out. She was like, "Hey, would anyone say anything nice
about these people?"
01:16
(Laughter)
01:17
"No one? OK, why don't you go get your gift and sit down. So
behave next year -- someone might say something nice about

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you."
01:23
(Laughter)
01:26
Well, as I'm describing this you, you probably know I remember
this really well.
01:30
(Laughter)
01:32
But I don't know who felt worse that day. Was it me or the teacher?
She must have realized that she turned a team-building event into
a public roast for three six-year-olds. And without the humor. You
know, when you see people get roasted on TV, it was funny. There
was nothing funny about that day.
01:51
So that was one version of me, and I would die to avoid being in
that situation again -- to get rejected in public again. That's one
version. Then fast-forward eight years. Bill Gates came to my
hometown -- Beijing, China -- to speak, and I saw his message. I
fell in love with that guy. I thought, wow, I know what I want to do
now. That night I wrote a letter to my family telling them: "By age
25, I will build the biggest company in the world, and that company
will buy Microsoft."
02:24
(Laughter)
02:26
I totally embraced this idea of conquering the world -- domination,
right? And I didn't make this up, I did write that letter. And here it
is --

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02:35
(Laughter)
02:37
You don't have to read this through --
02:39
(Laughter)
02:41
This is also bad handwriting, but I did highlight some key words.
You get the idea.
02:46
(Laughter)
02:48
So ... that was another version of me: one who will conquer the
world.
02:55
Well, then two years later, I was presented with the opportunity to
come to the United States. I jumped on it, because that was where
Bill Gates lived, right?
03:05
(Laughter)
03:06
I thought that was the start of my entrepreneur journey. Then, fast-
forward another 14 years. I was 30. Nope, I didn't build that
company. I didn't even start. I was actually a marketing manager
for a Fortune 500 company. And I felt I was stuck; I was stagnant.
Why is that? Where is that 14-year-old who wrote that letter? It's
not because he didn't try. It's because every time I had a new idea,
every time I wanted to try something new, even at work -- I wanted

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to make a proposal, I wanted to speak up in front of people in a
group -- I felt there was this constant battle between the 14-year-
old and the six-year-old. One wanted to conquer the world -- make
a difference -- another was afraid of rejection. And every time that
six-year-old won.
03:57
And this fear even persisted after I started my own company. I
mean, I started my own company when I was 30 -- if you want to
be Bill Gates, you've got to start sooner or later, right? When I was
an entrepreneur, I was presented with an investment opportunity,
and then I was turned down. And that rejection hurt me. It hurt me
so bad that I wanted to quit right there. But then I thought, hey,
would Bill Gates quit after a simple investment rejection? Would
any successful entrepreneur quit like that? No way. And this is
where it clicked for me. OK, I can build a better company. I can
build a better team or better product, but one thing for sure: I've
got to be a better leader. I've got to be a better person. I cannot
let that six-year-old keep dictating my life anymore. I have to put
him back in his place.
04:51
So this is where I went online and looked for help. Google was my
friend.
04:54
(Laughter)

04:55
I searched, "How do I overcome the fear of rejection?" I came up
with a bunch of psychology articles about where the fear and pain
are coming from. Then I came up with a bunch of "rah-rah"
inspirational articles about "Don't take it personally, just overcome
it." Who doesn't know that?

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05:12
(Laughter)
05:14
But why was I still so scared? Then I found this website by luck.
It's called rejectiontherapy.com.
05:21
(Laughter)
05:23
"Rejection Therapy" was this game invented by this Canadian
entrepreneur. His name is Jason Comely. And basically the idea is
for 30 days you go out and look for rejection, and every day get
rejected at something, and then by the end, you desensitize
yourself from the pain. And I loved that idea.
05:42
(Laughter)

05:44
I said, "You know what? I'm going to do this. And I'll feel myself
getting rejected 100 days." And I came up with my own rejection
ideas, and I made a video blog out of it.
05:55
And so here's what I did. This is what the blog looked like. Day
One ...
06:02
(Laughter)
06:03
Borrow 100 dollars from a stranger. So this is where I went to
where I was working. I came downstairs and I saw this big guy
sitting behind a desk. He looked like a security guard. So I just
approached him. And I was just walking and that was the longest

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walk of my life -- hair on the back of my neck standing up, I was
sweating and my heart was pounding. And I got there and said,
"Hey, sir, can I borrow 100 dollars from you?"
06:30
(Laughter)
06:31
And he looked up, he's like, "No." "Why?"
06:36
And I just said, "No? I'm sorry." Then I turned around, and I just
ran.
06:40
(Laughter)
06:42
I felt so embarrassed. But because I filmed myself -- so that night
I was watching myself getting rejected, I just saw how scared I
was. I looked like this kid in "The Sixth Sense." I saw dead people.
06:55
(Laughter)
06:57
But then I saw this guy. You know, he wasn't that menacing. He
was a chubby, loveable guy, and he even asked me, "Why?" In
fact, he invited me to explain myself. And I could've said many
things. I could've explained, I could've negotiated. I didn't do any
of that. All I did was run. I felt, wow, this is like a microcosm of my
life. Every time I felt the slightest rejection, I would just run as fast
as I could. And you know what? The next day, no matter what
happens, I'm not going to run. I'll stay engaged.
07:32

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Day Two: Request a "burger refill."
07:34
(Laughter)
07:36
It's when I went to a burger joint, I finished lunch, and I went to the
cashier and said, "Hi, can I get a burger refill?"
07:42
(Laughter)
07:44
He was all confused, like, "What's a burger refill?"
07:47
(Laughter)

07:48
I said, "Well, it's just like a drink refill but with a burger." And he
said, "Sorry, we don't do burger refill, man."
07:54
(Laughter)

07:56
So this is where rejection happened and I could have run, but I
stayed. I said, "Well, I love your burgers, I love your joint, and if
you guys do a burger refill, I will love you guys more."
08:07
(Laughter)
08:08
And he said, "Well, OK, I'll tell my manager about it, and maybe
we'll do it, but sorry, we can't do this today." Then I left. And by
the way, I don't think they've ever done burger refill.

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08:19
(Laughter)
08:21
I think they're still there. But the life and death feeling I was feeling
the first time was no longer there, just because I stayed engaged
-- because I didn't run. I said, "Wow, great, I'm already learning
things. Great."
08:35
And then Day Three: Getting Olympic Doughnuts. This is where
my life was turned upside down. I went to a Krispy Kreme. It's a
doughnut shop in mainly the Southeastern part of the United
States. I'm sure they have some here, too. And I went in, I said,
"Can you make me doughnuts that look like Olympic symbols?
Basically, you interlink five doughnuts together ... " I mean there's
no way they could say yes, right? The doughnut maker took me
so seriously.
09:02
(Laughter)
09:03
So she put out paper, started jotting down the colors and the rings,
and is like, "How can I make this?" And then 15 minutes later, she
came out with a box that looked like Olympic rings. And I was so
touched. I just couldn't believe it. And that video got over five
million views on Youtube. The world couldn't believe that either.
09:24
(Laughter)
09:27
You know, because of that I was in newspapers, in talk shows, in
everything. And I became famous. A lot of people started writing

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emails to me and saying, "What you're doing is awesome." But
you know, fame and notoriety did not do anything to me. What I
really wanted to do was learn, and to change myself. So I turned
the rest of my 100 days of rejection into this playground -- into this
research project. I wanted to see what I could learn.
09:54
And then I learned a lot of things. I discovered so many secrets.
For example, I found if I just don't run, if I got rejected, I could
actually turn a "no" into a "yes," and the magic word is, "why."
10:05
So one day I went to a stranger's house, I had this flower in my
hand, knocked on the door and said, "Hey, can I plant this flower
in your backyard?"
10:13
(Laughter)
10:14
And he said, "No." But before he could leave I said, "Hey, can I
know why?" And he said, "Well, I have this dog that would dig up
anything I put in the backyard. I don't want to waste your flower.
If you want to do this, go across the street and talk to Connie. She
loves flowers." So that's what I did. I went across and knocked on
Connie's door. And she was so happy to see me.
10:38
(Laughter)
10:39
And then half an hour later, there was this flower in Connie's
backyard. I'm sure it looks better now.
10:44
(Laughter)

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10:46
But had I left after the initial rejection, I would've thought, well, it's
because the guy didn't trust me, it's because I was crazy, because
I didn't dress up well, I didn't look good. It was none of those. It
was because what I offered did not fit what he wanted. And he
trusted me enough to offer me a referral, using a sales term. I
converted a referral.
11:06
Then one day -- and I also learned that I can actually say certain
things and maximize my chance to get a yes. So for example, one
day I went to a Starbucks, and asked the manager, "Hey, can I be
a Starbucks greeter?" He was like, "What's a Starbucks greeter?"
I said, "Do you know those Walmart greeters? You know, those
people who say 'hi' to you before you walk in the store, and make
sure you don't steal stuff, basically? I want to give a Walmart
experience to Starbucks customers."
11:31
(Laughter)
11:33
Well, I'm not sure that's a good thing, actually -- Actually, I'm
pretty sure it's a bad thing. And he was like, "Oh" -- yeah, this is
how he looked, his name is Eric -- and he was like, "I'm not sure."
This is how he was hearing me. "Not sure." Then I ask him, "Is that
weird?" He's like, "Yeah, it's really weird, man." But as soon as he
said that, his whole demeanor changed. It's as if he's putting all
the doubt on the floor. And he said, "Yeah, you can do this, just
don't get too weird."
12:01
(Laughter)
12:03

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So for the next hour I was the Starbucks greeter. I said "hi" to every
customer that walked in, and gave them holiday cheers. By the
way, I don't know what your career trajectory is, don't be a greeter.
12:14
(Laughter)
12:15
It was really boring. But then I found I could do this because I
mentioned, "Is that weird?" I mentioned the doubt that he was
having. And because I mentioned, "Is that weird?", that means I
wasn't weird. That means I was actually thinking just like him,
seeing this as a weird thing. And again, and again, I learned that if
I mention some doubt people might have before I ask the question,
I gained their trust. People were more likely to say yes to me.
12:42
And then I learned I could fulfill my life dream ... by asking. You
know, I came from four generations of teachers, and my grandma
has always told me, "Hey Jia, you can do anything you want, but
it'd be great if you became a teacher."
12:57
(Laughter)
12:59
But I wanted to be an entrepreneur, so I didn't. But it has always
been my dream to actually teach something. So I said, "What if I
just ask and teach a college class?" I lived in Austin at the time, so
I went to University of Texas at Austin and knocked on professors'
doors and said, "Can I teach your class?" I didn't get anywhere
the first couple of times. But because I didn't run -- I kept doing it
-- and on the third try the professor was very impressed. He was
like, "No one has done this before." And I came in prepared with
powerpoints and my lesson. He said, "Wow, I can use this. Why

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don't you come back in two months? I'll fit you in my curriculum."
And two months later I was teaching a class.
13:38
This is me -- you probably can't see, this is a bad picture. You
know, sometimes you get rejected by lighting, you know?
13:44
(Laughter)
13:46
But wow -- when I finished teaching that class, I walked out crying,
because I thought I could fulfill my life dream just by simply asking.
I used to think I have to accomplish all these things -- have to be
a great entrepreneur, or get a PhD to teach -- but no, I just asked,
and I could teach.
14:05
And in that picture, which you can't see, I quoted Martin Luther
King, Jr. Why? Because in my research I found that people who
really change the world, who change the way we live and the way
we think, are the people who were met with initial and often violent
rejections. People like Martin Luther King, Jr., like Mahatma
Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, or even Jesus Christ. These people did
not let rejection define them. They let their own reaction after
rejection define themselves. And they embraced rejection.
14:39
And we don't have to be those people to learn about rejection, and
in my case, rejection was my curse, was my boogeyman. It has
bothered me my whole life because I was running away from it.
Then I started embracing it. I turned that into the biggest gift in my
life. I started teaching people how to turn rejections into
opportunities. I use my blog, I use my talk, I use the book I just
published, and I'm even building technology to help people

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overcome their fear of rejection.
15:12
When you get rejected in life, when you are facing the next
obstacle or next failure, consider the possibilities. Don't run. If you
just embrace them, they might become your gifts as well.
15:25
Thank you.
15:26
(Applause)

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