Dear collegues,

as we are all here women, we might have thought about children. In Romania there is the custom of
asking young women when they are going to have a baby. Mostly people asking this do not care that
the woman in front of them has undergone several IVF treatments, suffers every month when she sees
one line on the pregnancy test and is genuinely unhappy. For most women the decision to adopt comes
only after a long and often excruciating ordeal with fertility treatments. But why is that? Why do
people avoid adoption? And what can be done to facilitate the adoption of the thousand of children that
are in foster care?
I would say there are three stages of adoption. The first one is the decision to adopt. Let’s be clear on
something: In Romania and in many other countries adoption is seen as the last option for parents. First
parents try for a very long time before deciding that adoption is an option. As Romanian say “ sange
din sangele meu”( blood of my ancestors) . Well you cant say that if the child is adopted! This is why
parents are mostly reluctant when they finally decide to adopt. This step is crucial, as many parents will
sometimes decide against adopting because they are not willing to accept a foreign child into their
home. This process of accepting and opening up to another child is the most important one.
The next step is mostly drafting up the legal documents. Future parents are required to gather a massive
amount of mostly unnecessary papers. Simultaneously the future parents have to schedule a series of
psychological visits so that they get the approval of a psychologist. Thank God that Romania is also
open to single parents adopting! Imagine how a rule against single people will look like! After
gathering the papers you will have to hand them in to the Directorate General for Social Assistance
and Child Protection you are assigned to. And now comes the hard part: you will have to undergo a
training session in order to get the certificate that gives you the right to adopt. This “ parents training
session” lasts for about three months , but is followed by six meetings with the social assistant and
further 4 meetings with the psychologist. Each time the future parents will state the reason they want
to adopt because of course the social assistants are never the same. Why should 1 person do the job,
when you can drag the future parents through hell and back? I have read accounts of parents having to
write letters during these training session to their future children. The parents then read the letters out
in front of the class, a practice I personally strongly disagree with.
The reason to adopt is personal decision. A decision which should not be read aloud in front of
everybody.
After this back and forth, future parents will have to put down what kind of child they are searching for
, what kind of characteristics the child should have and if they are open to taking a “broken child”, a
child with impairments or underlaying diseases. What you need to know is that due to mistreatments
and false diagnosis some children could be labeled as “broken”, when in fact they are not. Often
children with attention deficits are labeled as autistic, when they are not. Children with a small walking
impairment could be seen as broken, when they are not. They just have a small impairment, which can
be easily corrected. But nobody tells this to future parents. And often they will put down that they want
a perfect child.
It is exactly this part of the process which is important to understand. As a parent you need to be aware
that your child is not perfect, your child will sometimes need doctors and psychiatrists and pysical
therapist. And understanding this will make you more open to a wider list of potential adoptive
children.
After the future parents put down the desired characteristics, they will be registered in the Adoption
Register. Then officials will start matching the children from foster homes with the parents. The future
parents is then presented with an option and they have to refuse or accept. Should they refuse, t another
child is searched.
What you need to know is that Romania makes this process extremely difficult due to two aspects. First
of all the Romanian state is not obliged to draft papers for children which are over the age of fourteen.
So as soon as the child reaches the age of 14, he/ she is basically chained to the foster home another
four years and then forced to leave. And there is another aspect equally cruel. The family of the
adoptive child could always claim him. That means that even after the child is put into foster care even
forth degree relatives could at any point claim the child and halt the adoption process.
The above mentioned reason accounts for the imbalance between the prospective adoptive children
( around 3500) and all children in foster care ( 50.000).

As you can see the adoption process is quite difficult in Romania. But the accounts I’ve read tell me
that future parents will not be scared by this. Should you want a child, then you will do everything in
your power to get that child. Even if sometimes it seems that the whole world works against you.