````` ISSUE 62

DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING £5.99

*PSST...*

One step THE SECRETS

TO SELF-LOVE
closer The voyage
starts within
How to find the
healing path that's
right for you

WHAT'S
YOUR LOVE
LANGUAGE?
Try our quiz to
discover yours

YOGA NIDRA •
SELF-MASTERY •
SLOW DOWN TIME •
 You don’t have to see
the whole staircase,
just take the first step
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR

Photography | Mak Flex

2 | Issue XX | happiful.com
 Pace
yourself
When it comes to the spectrum of
emotions, it’s the contrast that lets us
truly feel alive.

As hard as it can be, pain and hurt

are a reflection of how deeply we
love. Those moments of frustration
and anger signal to us when
something is off-balance. And
laughter that echoes through our
bodies with so much joy that it feels
as if our hearts could burst, gives
us something to hold on to through
testing times.
Being able to live with pain, or
move forward from it, is no easy
feat though.
There is no universal handbook to
healing, or timeline to feel an inner
transformation. It’s about finding our
own path, even if it takes us a few
tries to head down the right one for
ourselves.
I can’t help but think of an incredibly
touching quote by actor Andrew
Garfield. When speaking about his
mother, who had sadly died, he said: “I
hope this grief stays with me because
it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t
get to tell her. And I told her every day.
We all told her every day.”
The reality is, there will never be
enough time. So don’t waste a
moment denying your true feelings,
or struggling with how, or if, you
should express them.

This issue is all about helping you
through that healing journey, holding
your hand as we take those initial
steps forward together – whenever
you are ready.
From understanding your love
language to help you communicate
Rebecca portrait | Studio Rouge
This is your rallying call to live and love
unconditionally, to trust that, eventually,
the hurt will heal, and some day it will
feel like it all makes sense.
Together, we can find the courage
to take that first step forward.
Just go at your
At Happiful, inclusivity,
representation, and creating
a happier, healthier society
is at the forefront of our
mission. To find out more
about our social and
environmental pledges,
visit happiful.com/pledges

better on p17, to pressing ‘pause’ own pace...

on perfectionism on p66, we want W | happiful.com
this issue to help you tune-in to your
needs. Plus, on p24, we’re exploring F | happifulhq
self-compassion, and how the
answers come from within as we T | @happifulhq
journey towards a better relationship REBECCA THAIR |
with ourselves. EDITOR I | @happiful_magazine
 24
The next step
24 Your transformation
Make the journey to the new
you a kind and fulfilling one

34 Bee inspired

52 Will Young
The singer, author, and actor on
self-mastery and the reality of fame

56 Express yourself
What's holding you back?

66 How to feel good enough

Why letting go of perfectionism
could be for the best

Relationships
17 Speakin' my language
How can love languages help us
improve our relationships?

22 Parenting in practice
Grace Victory explores
motherhood and identity

41 There for one another

17
Is it time to really connect with
your neighbours?

72 The secret to self-love

Deepen that connection

Positive pointers
Culture 14 What is habit stacking?
8 Good news Your game-plan for change
Uplifting stories to make you smile
65 Compost like a pro
13 The wellbeing wrap
73 Your permission to play

34
48 Try something new
76 How to slow down time
71 Trending page-turners Ways to savour every moment

16 Cloud watching for calm
60 Conversation starters
79 Try yoga nidra
82 Take back the narrative
52
66
Wellbeing
20 Taking to the skies
Tips for making flying fly by
when you have a mental illness
28 Let's talk about suicide
The things you need to know about
suicide and where to get support
31 The cost of living
How to stay well when
money's on your mind
41
38 ADHD homework tips
Techniques to support your child
58 Talking about baby loss
How to do it, sensitively
Food & health
45 Lifting the lid
Is toilet anxiety controlling your life?
50 Follow your gut
Make your gut microbiota happy
with this super salad recipe
31
61 The low-down 'down there'
What you really need to know
about vaginal health
Try this at home
*
Expert review
Every issue of Happiful is
reviewed by an accredited
counsellor, to ensure we
deliver the highest quality
content while handling
topics sensitively.
The journey of life – the
highs, the lows, and all of the
bits in between – is partly
about accepting the rough
with the smooth, but how
do we do this? Head over
to p24 for some excellent
insight on how you can enjoy
life’s ride, and find a deeper
connection with the self
while doing so. There is no
script for our experience as
human beings, nobody has
it all figured out – this is the
reality. While this may sound
daunting for some, there also
exists a beauty within this;
the beauty of you and your
ability to grow.
RAV SEKHON
BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor
and psychotherapist
with more than 10
years' experience.
 Expert Panel Our team
Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance, EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
and insight throughout this issue
Kathryn Wheeler | Features Editor
Lauren Bromley-Bird | Editorial Assistant
CLAIRE ELMES KANIKA TANDON
BA (Hons) PGDip MANLP MBACP
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers
Dip CHyp HPD PNLP MNCH NCFE
Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer
Claire is a therapist and Kanika is a transformational
life coach specialising in coach and a cognitive Grace Victory, Bhavna Raithatha | Columnists
balance. hypnotherapist. Lucy Donoughue | Head of Multimedia
Ellen Lees | Head of Content
Natalie Holmes | Sub-Editor
Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

DR LIZ SPARKES SOHAILA SOPHIA ART & DESIGN

BSc (Hons) MSc PhD HCPC IAPC&M
Dr Sparkes is a health
psychologist, intuitive coach,
and meditation practitioner.
BA (Hons) HDip NLP
Sohaila is a personal
performance life coach
and NLP practitioner.
Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product
Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus | PR Manager

BEVERLEY BLACKMAN
BA MA RSPP UKCP
Beverley is a psychotherapist
and clinical director of
Beverley Blackman Associates.
SAMANTHA PHILLIS
BA BMidwif DipCouns
DipHb(KGH) CertCBT
Samantha is a counsellor,
midwife, and hypnobirthing
teacher.
CONTRIBUTORS
Erica Crompton, Paul Williams, Ben Isaacson,
Caroline Butterwick, Claire Hunter, Jenna Farmer,
David Levy, Uma Dismore-Tuli
SPECIAL THANKS
Claire Elmes, Beverley Blackman, Kanika Tandon,
Dr Liz Sparkes, Emma Humphrey, Sohaila Sophia,
Shonagh M Terry, Samantha Phillis, Keith Howitt

MANAGEMENT
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
EMMA HUMPHREY CLAIRE HUNTER Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
BA MA Dip DipNT

Emma is a wellness and Claire is a holistic nutritionist SUBSCRIPTIONS

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DAVID LEVY SHONAGH M TERRY Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL
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David is a counsellor and Shonagh is a

writer, working in London hypnotherapist who HAPPIFUL FAMILY
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BEN ISAACSON BHAVNA RAITHATHA

BA MA PGCertEd ACC BSc (Hons) MSc MBACP (Accred)

Ben is an ADHD coach Bhavna is a

and former school psychotherapist, coach,
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p58 For support and information on stillbirth and neonatal One undeniable truth is that
death, visit sands.org.uk or call 0808 164 3332 finding the right help for each
individual is a journey – what
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don't feel disheartened if you
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WHAT'S
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LANGUAGE?
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CHARITY
Avast ye: Charity sets sail for blue health
It truly is incredible what being
near ‘blue spaces’, such as the
sea, can do for our mental health
– and in a swashbuckling move
to tap into this health-boosting
booty, mental health charity Sea
Sanctuary has welcomed its latest
team member: Irene, a 30-metre,
historic ship.
Based in Falmouth, Cornwall, and
crewed by a skipper, first mate,
deckhand, chef, and therapists,
Irene will help Sea Sanctuary in its
unique quest to support people’s
mental health by connecting them
with the peacefulness of the sea.
8 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
The Uplift
Under the close watch of
the crew, participants will be
able to get involved with all
aspects of sailing, from hoisting
the sails to taking the helm,
alongside therapists who will use
psychological tools to support
and improve wellbeing.
“The Sea Sanctuary theory is
simple: the awe and wonder
of the sea, combined with
psychological therapy, and
the invigorating adventure of
sailing, is a recipe for improving
health outcomes, regardless of
age, gender, or demographic,”
Photography | Sea Sanctuary
says Joseph Sabien, CEO. “Our
sailing days and residential
therapeutic voyages are perfect
for organisations looking to
improve the mental health of
their employees.”
What’s more, any profits are
used to subsidise the cost of
supporting those in the local
community who would not be
able to afford it otherwise. So, it
seems like Sea Sanctuary has its
sights set on a bright horizon.
Weigh anchor!
Visit seasanctuary.org.uk for more.
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
 COMMUNITY
Pensioner tackles Derby 10K in
memory of childhood sweetheart
They say true love always finds a
way. And that seems to be the case
for 79-year-old Edward Porter,
who first met his wife Ivy when
the two were teenagers in South
Africa, before going their separate
ways. Two marriages and years
later, the couple reunited and
moved to the UK. “Ivy was the
love of my life,” Edward shared.
“Sadly, not long after we moved,
Ivy was diagnosed with cancer
and passed away.”
FUNDRAISING
Louise Pentland launches
NSPCC #NowIKnow campaign
The NSPCC has been the UK’s
leading children’s charity for more
than 130 years, but it can be scary
for young people to call Childline
for the first time.
In a bid to encourage kids to
reach out for support, the NSPCC
teamed up with Louise Pentland
– parent vlogger, broadcaster, and
best-selling author – to launch
the #NowIKnow campaign. The
entirety of April was dedicated to
spreading awareness and raising
Photography | Nicky Johnston
£30,000 for the charity, which
is the amount it costs to fund
Childline for one day.
Louise knows first-hand how
difficult it can be to build up
the courage to call. Following
the death of her mother when
To honour her memory, Edward
signed up to take part in the
annual Derby 10K to raise money
for Derbyshire-based end-of-life
charity, Treetops Hospice. But this
wasn’t the first time he has run to
raise money for the local hospice
in memory of friends and family
with life-limiting illnesses.
Since settling in the UK, Edward
has volunteered and continued
to run in park sessions across the
country each weekend.
Louise was seven years old, she
was subjected to physical and
emotional abuse. She never
considered calling Childline,
concerned that her conversation
wouldn’t be confidential. On her
fundraising page, Lousie writes:
“I wish I had known to call them.
Now I know.”
It was for this reason that Louise
made it her mission to shine a
light on Childline’s confidentiality
policy. The policy promises
that it is a safe place to talk
anonymously, with the exception
that if those taking the call are
concerned about the young
person and believe their life is in
danger, they will need to tell the
police or social services.
“I run every day. I did the Derby
10K in 1hr 26mins last year, but I’m
hoping to get under 1hr 20
this time.”
Fundraising for small charities
can make a big difference. Raising
money for local hospices means
that someone’s end of life remains
comfortable, surrounded by friends
and family. So why not dust off your
trainers and see how you could help
support your local community?
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
Donations raised through the
#NowIKnow campaign will fund
Childline on Friday 10 June to
mark Childhood Day. Find out
more and donate by visiting
childline.org.uk
Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 9
10 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
 COVID

The silver lining

of the pandemic
revealed
They say without darkness, there would
be no light. Well, for many the pandemic
has been a dark time, but the World
Happiness Report is revealing some
bright spots of hope.
Surveying around 1,000 people from
more than 150 countries, the World
Happiness Report looks at what impacts
our happiness globally. The study
authors note that in 2021 there was an
increase in the support people showed
each other, finding growth in all three
acts of kindness monitored.
“Helping strangers, volunteering, and
donations in 2021 were strongly up in
every part of the world, reaching levels
almost 25% above their pre-pandemic
prevalence,” says economist John
Helliwell from the University of British
Columbia, in Canada.
“This surge of benevolence, which
was especially great for the helping of
strangers, provides powerful evidence
that people respond to help others in
need, creating in the process more
happiness for the beneficiaries, good
examples for others to follow, and better
lives for themselves.”
Overall, however, stress, worry, and
sadness have increased, and the report
states the pandemic is having a “tangible
impact” on lives and happiness. So,
there’s no doubt that the cloud of the
pandemic is still above us, but it seems
acts of kindness and focusing on the
strength of humanity might just help the
light break through.
Writing | Kat Nicholls

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 11
Take 5
Get your thinking caps ready for this
issue’s captivating conundrums

Sudoku 5 7 3
Fill in the grid so that
each row, column, and
every one of the 3x3 1 6 4 8 5 2
subgrids contain the
digits 1 to 9
9 2 7 3 6

4 3 2

ou do? 7 5 6 1 8
How did y ies' at
reeb
Search 'f
piful.com
shop.hap s, 3 2 8 9 4 5
e answer
to find th !
and more
9 3 6 2 5 7

4 7 8 9

2 1 8 6 3
Emojinary
Can you decipher the famous song lyrics from the following emojis?
 The
wellbeing
Stuck in
the mud?
wrap A poll by Persil found that many
kids are clueless when it comes to
classic playground games – with 81%
Endurance athlete never having played leapfrog, 66%
New emojis have Kate Jayden, from Three-minute rule never trying conkers, and 72% not
been released, Psychologists say knowing Pooh sticks. Perhaps it’s
helping you to Derbyshire, has
achieved what sounds you can put off time to embrace the outdoors,
express yourself
– including heart procrastinating by and get stuck in with fun
impossible, by running
hands, holding approaching dreaded – tag, anyone?
a marathon every day
back tears, and a
low battery for 100 consecutive tasks for three-minutes Flipping
days. The world at a time. Manageable fantastic
record-breaking feat chunks can help these The UK has a new daredevil;
raised almost £25,000 tiresome chores feel less Benjamin Sleet, 12, became the
for charities, including overwhelming. Three, first person in the UK to do a
the Refugee Council. two, one, go! backflip in a wheelchair. Born
with spina bifida, Benjamin
A bloom with a view was introduced to wheelchair
An artist has An incredible building has been proposed to join motorcross aged just eight, and
raised $145,000+ the iconic New York skyline, with the concept of is already breaking records and
for charity to dropping jaws!
support Ukraine ‘pushing the limits’ of sustainable construction. The
by selling a ‘Lilly’ features a 521ft high (41-storey) tower coated
Lego-style figure
In celebration of Queen
in a layer of Asiatic lilies. These plants will bloom in
of President Elizabeth II’s Platinum
vibrant shades of red, orange, and yellow in spring,
Volodymyr Jubilee this year, The
Zelensky and revert to green throughout the rest of the year,
bringing nature straight into the concrete jungle. Reading Agency has
Who needs flower power when you can have a compiled a list of 70
flower tower? top titles to add to your
bookshelf – 10 for each
Time to tinkle the ivories? decade of the Queen’s
We all know that learning to play an reign. The list includes The
The world’s first Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
space hotel, instrument can be beneficial, but new
named Voyager research suggests it can actually help protect against Galaxy, The Handmaid’s
Station, is set to dementia. The study looked at the impact of piano Tale, and Girl, Woman,
open in 2027
practice on those aged 60 and over, discovering it can Other. What a royally-
strengthen white matter in brains, which degrades good read!
when memory problems arise. Play it again, Sam.

In an effort to address the rise in rates Music to my ears

of domestic abuse in the UK, a new
national register of domestic abusers
A movie filmed is set to be launched. The system will
in 2015 won’t be ensure that police alert people if they
released until 2115
– and is being
buy a house or open a bank account
dubbed ‘The with a convicted domestic abuser.
Movie You Will There’s a long way to go, but this
Never See’ move is a step in the right direction.
What springs to mind when I ask you to think
about a truly great guitar riff? Odds are you’re
in agreement with a survey by Muse Group,
which found that Guns N’ Roses ‘Sweet Child
O’Mine’ has the most iconic riff, followed by
‘Eye of the Tiger’ by Survivor, and ‘Another One
Bites the Dust’ by Queen. Sounds like a good
excuse to crack on some classic tunes – rock on!
 What is
habit stacking?
Is it possible to build new habits by taking advantage of old ones?
Writing | Becky Wright
W
hen you’re trying
to make a change,
whether it’s wanting to
improve your work performance,
make healthier choices, or to
save more money, one of the
challenges is ensuring the
changes stick. It’s hard. Behaviour
change requires discipline and,
when life is busy, it’s all too easy
to find excuses that prevent you
from making new routines and
lifestyle choices a priority.
But you do have something at
your disposal that can help – your
current daily habits. Yes, one of
the most efficient ways to build
new behaviours is to identify an
existing habit that you can ‘stack’
a new behaviour on top of.
Habit stacking is a form of
implementation intention and,
according to life coach and
therapist Claire Elmes, it’s one
of the most effective techniques
you can use for successfully
introducing new habits.
“The idea is to use an already
existing habit to help organise
your new habits sensibly and
logically,” says Claire. “The
existing behaviour acts as a
‘trigger’, so you are teaching
your brain that, when
14 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
you have completed your existing
habit, you then do your new one.”
How does habit
stacking work?
The habit stacking formula is
simple: ‘After/before [current
habit], I will [new habit].’
It could be:
– Before I brush my teeth each
morning, I will meditate for two
minutes.
– After I sit down to eat dinner, I
will think of one positive thing
that happened today.
– Before I turn the light off at night,
I will kiss my partner.
Habit stacking works
because your current habits
are well-ingrained. “Tagging
new habits onto ones that we
do unconsciously allows
the process to feel
manageable and
achievable,
allowing more chances for
success,” says Claire.
Once you get the hang of it, you
can start to create larger stacks
by linking more and more habits
together. You can even create
general habit stacks to guide
you whenever the situation is
appropriate. For example:
– If I see a set of stairs, I will take
them instead of using the lift/
escalator.
– When I go to a party, I will
introduce myself to someone I
don’t know.
– If I buy a new item of clothing, I
will donate one to charity.

Tips for success
with habit stacking
1. Look at the bigger picture
Where and when you choose to
place a habit into your routine
is important. You need to think
about the best window of
opportunity for when you’re most
likely to be successful.
“If you’re looking to include
10 minutes of yoga in your day,
it would be helpful to consider
where this will naturally fit into
your routine,” advises Claire.
“It might be as soon as you wake
up, after getting dressed, when
you’re having a cup of tea/coffee,
or when you’re fully ready. You
might decide that after you make
your coffee, you’ll do your 10
minutes of yoga while it’s cooling
down, and then you can drink
your coffee.”
2. Be specific with your cue
Goals like ‘read more’ or ‘eat
healthier’ are worthy causes, but
the intention isn’t specific enough
– there’s no instruction on how
and when to act. The key to
success is avoiding this ambiguity
and having a clear trigger. It
could be that you leave a book
underneath the TV remote, so
when you sit down for an evening
you can easily pick up a good
read instead of streaming a show.
Don’t underestimate the power
of a cue – habit stacking works
best when the cue is definitive
and immediately actionable.
3. Consider the frequency
The cue should also have the
same frequency as your new
habit. So, if you want to develop
a daily habit but you stack it with
a habit that happens only once or
twice a week, you’re not setting
yourself up for success.
And don’t ask yourself to take on
a new habit when you’re likely to
be occupied with something else.
For example, if you’re thinking
of adding something into your
morning routine, but your
mornings are already chaotic,
then that may be the wrong place
and time.
But remember, this is an
ongoing effort to create healthy
lifestyle changes – so go easy on
yourself if you slip up. Changing a
behaviour is hard, no matter how
good your intentions are. Habit
stacking can allow you to create
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Why do we need habits?
When developing new habits,
Claire says it’s important to
consider why we need them in
the first place. “We have more
than 6,000 thoughts per day and
our brain has to delete, distort,
and generalise these to enable us
to make sense of our day.
“We need automatic ‘schemas’
– habits, ‘how to’ scripts – to
enable us to place many of
these thoughts on autopilot. For
example, you probably put your
clothes on in the same order each
day without even thinking about
it. Habits stop us from having to
think about every single thing we
need to do.”
a set of simple rules that guide
your future behaviour, providing
you with a game plan for which
action should come next. But,
ultimately, your desire for
change must be strong enough
to motivate you to stick with your
new stack, until the behaviour
becomes ingrained. The simple
fact that you’re trying is a step
in the right direction though,
and if you keep in mind why you
want to make these changes,
eventually it will all stack up.
Good luck!
Claire Elmes is an emotional
wellbeing coach and therapist
specialising in balance. Find out more
by visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 15
 A mindful moment:
cloud watching
Take some time to be present; the
benefits of mindfulness are sky-high
C
loud watching: it’s an
activity you can do from
almost anywhere –
whether it’s a window, the park,
or your garden – and doesn’t
cost a thing. Simply focus on the
present world outside, and allow
yourself a few mindful moments
of respite. A particularly enjoyable
way to try this is on a day when
you can lay a blanket down and
take your time looking up at the
sky – but, remember, safety first:
never look directly at the sun, and
wear sunglasses and SPF! Here,
we’re sharing four simple ways to
connect with the moment.
1. Describe what you see. Can you
determine the type of clouds you
can see today? How fast would
you say they are travelling? How
would you describe them – their
colour, size, shape? Do they
evoke a certain mood or feeling
for you?
2. Predict the weather. Based
on the clouds you can see, and
their colour, can you guess
what might transpire with the
weather today? Is there a certain
atmosphere in the air – is rain
on the way, or a dusting of
snow? Is there a gentle breeze,
or a sense of calm with the sun
streaming through?
16 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
3. Look for shapes. This can be a
great way to get kids involved,
or to try with a friend. Simply
set a category (such as animals),
and see what you can identify
within that topic area, or who
can spot the most!
4. Make up stories. Can you see
a certain shape? Use this as
inspiration to start a story –
perhaps you can pick a few
random things resembled by
the clouds above and combine
them in a tale. This can be a
fab solo activity – there’s no
judgement of where your story
goes – or to engage kids with
nature. The sky’s the limit.
Types of clouds
• Cumulus: these are the classic
images you probably have in
mind when you think of the
word ‘cloud’. The tops are
rounded and fluffy, and bright
white when the sun shines,
while the bottoms will be
flatter, and a darker hue.
• Stratus: almost like a layer of
fog in the sky, these clouds
hang relatively low, are grey in
colour, and have few notable
features - they are almost
like blanket in the air, often on
drizzly days.
• Cirrocumulus: patches of
clouds that appear high in
the sky, which appear almost
textured.
• Nimbostratus: when it’s raining
hard outside, you’ll most likely
see these. They’re dark grey
and coat the sky, and are thick
enough to block out the sun.
• Cirrus: appearing very high in
the sky, these clouds appear as
thin, white, wispy strands.

What’s your
N
o matter how much
we love our partners,
sometimes, it can feel
like we get tongue-tied
expressing it, or that we’re reading
signals the wrong way. We may
know that communication is key
to a healthy, lasting relationship,
but are you communicating in
a way that matters most to your
partner?
What are the five
love languages?
Developed in the 1990s by author
and counsellor Gary Chapman,
the five love languages are
a method of explaining the
different ways people like to
express and receive love. These
include:
• Acts of service
• Physical touch
• Quality time
• Gift giving
• Words of affirmation
love
language?
Could the signs that you love someone
be getting lost in translation?
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
But can learning about
our partner’s love language
really help us communicate?
Psychotherapist Beverley
Blackman explains more.
“Learning each other’s love
languages (we usually have
two preferences that stand out)
can help you understand your
partner better,” says Beverley. “In
the early days of a relationship,
a person may be looking for a
particular behaviour as validation
that the relationship is heading
in the right direction. If both
partners are aware of their own
and their partner’s love language,
then it gives them an opportunity
to understand them better.
“All love languages are
important as everyone is
different, and has their own way
of expressing affection. It’s little
acts of connection that keep a
relationship balanced, respectful,
and affectionate.”
relationships
In essence, our love language is
the way we prefer to share how
we feel about those we are close
to. By learning more about your
own love language, as well as the
way that your partner prefers to
show their love, we can begin to
avoid some miscommunication
and misunderstandings, as we
learn to look for signs that we
might have been missing.
The five love
languages explained
Acts of service
Who doesn’t like it when life
feels that little bit easier? If your
love language is acts of service,
there’s nothing you value more
than when your partner goes
out of their way to make your
life easier. Whether it’s making
you breakfast, looking after you
when you’re sick, or picking
up an extra task or two around
the house when you’re feeling >>>
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 17

exhausted or low, you firmly
believe actions speak louder
than words.
Physical touch
What better way to feel close,
than through getting close?
Those whose love language is
physical touch feel most loved
when sharing physical signs
of affection. This includes
everything from holding hands
and cuddling, through to
kissing and having sex. Sharing
physical touch can create a
sense of intimacy that is not only
affirming, but creates a powerful
emotional connection, as well as
a sense of warmth and comfort.
Quality time
There’s no greater gift than the
gift of time. If quality time is
18 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
your love language, you feel most
appreciated when your partner
wants to spend time with you.
Active listening, eye contact,
and having their full attention
(without distractions of social
media or other interruptions) are
important. The key to meaningful
quality time is spending it actively
with your partner; that means
shared activities or conversations,
rather than just vegging out
together without interacting.
Gift giving
You can’t buy someone’s love – but
gifts can act as a visual, tangible
symbol of how you feel. The love
language of receiving gifts isn’t
about spending big; it’s about the
thought behind each gift.
Taking time to truly reflect on
how well you know someone,
seeking out the perfect gift
to make them feel loved and
appreciated, not to mention the
emotional impact that receiving a
gift can bring. Gift-giving can be
a physical, meaningful process
when the gift being given is
something that the giftee will feel
a connection with. The key is to
ensure it’s something that is all
about the giftee – not the gifter.
Words of affirmation
Words can be more powerful
than you think. If words of
affirmation are your preferred
love language, you value verbal
acknowledgements above all
others. This could be in the form
of compliments, encouragement,
or words of appreciation.
You prefer to hear ‘I love you’
frequently, and keeping in touch
with your partner digitally
through messages and social
media interactions is as important
as sharing your love in person.
Learning your love language
While it’s not unusual for
couples to have different love
languages, learning what yours
is can be a valuable way of better
understanding each other. As
Beverley explains, “It is important
to understand how your partner
ticks. This way, you understand
they are showing affection in
their own way. Without this
understanding, you may end
up feeling uncomfortable or
distrustful. Communication
is the cornerstone of every
relationship, and observation
is not far behind. Find a way to
make both sets of love languages
work for you.”
 relationships

Start here

After planning a special night for my partner, I’d like…

To have 100% of their

A heartfelt thank you A goodnight kiss
attention on our date

The best night in I find it more meaningful

I love it when they…
ends when they… when my partner…

Share how proud Hold me as Surprise me Buys Spends screen-free

they are of me we fall asleep with breakfast in something time with me
bed the next that makes
morning my life easier

WORDS OF PHYSICAL ACTS OF QUALITY

To me, the best gift is…
AFFIRMATION TOUCH SERVICE TIME

Something
Time together
thoughtful I
with my
can keep and
partner
cherish

Love languages can be GIFT

a helpful framework to GIVING
help you learn about
your partner, and how
to best communicate
your feelings for them
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 19
 Tips for flying when you
have a mental illness
Travelling by plane can be a uniquely challenging
experience, so we’re sharing our tips to avoid any turbulence
T
he stress, lack of sleep,
crowded airports, and
culture shock of far-flung
soils are all known triggers for
those with mental illness. Some
years ago, I attempted to board a
flight to Ibiza, but had to check
out at the last minute due to
some mild hallucinations which
make up part of my schizo-
affective disorder – I thought I
could see people from the past at
the airport which disturbed me.
According to the World Health
Organisation, severe mental
illness contributes to one in three
health crises in air travel. There’s
also been a paper in Psychiatric
Times that looks into the subject
of travelling with a severe mental
illness, which says that 20%
of travel incidents have been
described as ‘psychotic’.
All this to say: if you worry
about air travel, you’re not alone.
The good news is that, with
some strong planning and the
right tools for relaxation, you can
travel safely and happily with a
mental illness like mine.
20 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
Writing | Erica Crompton
Since the ill-fated flight to
Ibiza, I’ve flown to Barcelona
and Belfast happily, calmly, and
incident-free. With the help of
transformational coach Kanika
Tandon’s expert advice, we’re
exploring some essential tips for
flying with a mental illness.
1. Take your medication
It’s crucial that medication is
factored into travel to prevent
relapse. As luggage can
sometimes be lost, you can take
your medication in hand luggage
to keep it near you at all times,
which can give you some peace
of mind. For the stay, a pharmacy
can sort out a scheduled pack of
medication for each day. Plus,
don’t forget to order any repeat
prescriptions in advance to cover
your time away.
Kanika supports these
sentiments, adding that it’s
important to factor in medication
when you prepare for your
flight: “Take all your necessary
medication in advance and have
all you might need.”
2. Stay calm and breathe
“Stay calm and take some deep
breaths,” says Kanika. “Using
exercises, such as square
breathing [breathe in for the
count of four, hold for four,
breathe out for four, and hold for
four] or 7-11 breathing [breathe
in for the count of seven and out
for the count of 11] to stay calm.”
Some other tested ways to relax
before, during, and after your
journey are to order a camomile
tea, take lavender oils to inhale,
and listen to soothing music.
I found leather recliners you
could pay to relax on at Liverpool
airport once. These had built-in
massagers, and were helpful in
soothing me before my journey.
3. Stay out of your mind
“Trying to engage in senses other
than your thoughts can be a
distraction to worry and panic,”
says Kanika. “Staying out of your
mind means that you keep all
your five senses engaged. What
do you see, feel, hear, taste,
and smell during your journey?

Any scents that you associate
with relaxation can work well.
For instance, peppermint, or
lavender for staying calm.”
4. Try therapy
“You may wish to consult a
therapist before you travel,” says
Kanika. “Take tips from them as
to what might be applicable for
your situation.”
A type of therapist you may find
helpful is one who is skilled in
Emotional Freedom Technique
(EFT), where you rhythmically
tap parts of your face and body
to bring yourself back into your
body. “You can ‘tap your way to
wellness’ with EFT,” adds Kanika.
“Tapping is an effective way to
calm an active mind, and bring a
sense of safety in the body.”
wellbeing
Remember, always speak to your
GP and seek medical support
as a first step when it comes to
addressing your mental health.
Order a camomile
tea, take lavender oils
to inhale, and listen
to soothing music
5. Ask people for help
Other people can also be a
real support at the airport,
or to help calm jitters before
a flight. Whether it’s taking a
trusted friend to the airport
for support, travelling with a
loved one, or visiting a helpful
neighbour pre-flight – the right
people can and will reassure any
travel nerves with humour or
distracting anecdotes. Thanks to
my boyfriend’s wonderful jokes,
and my neighbour Sonya’s fine
conversation and vegan pizza,
I successfully and calmly made
my flight to Belfast last year, and
had the best holiday on arrival –
as well as a happy flight home.
Kanika Tandon is a transformational
coach and a cognitive hypnotherapist
who assists career-oriented women
achieve work-life balance, and find
fulfilment in their professional and
personal life. Connect with her using
lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 21
 Mum’s the word
Becoming a parent can flip your whole world upside down – with joy and
laughter, exhaustion and new pressures – and if you’re finding it hard
to recognise the person in the mirror, or the new life you’re adjusting to,
you’re not alone. For those struggling with their identity after becoming a
mum, our columnist Grace Victory has some words of comfort…
Writing | Grace Victory

T
he minute I found
out I was pregnant,
everything changed – I
imagine that’s the same
for most expectant mothers. The
realisation that this little bundle
of joy is growing inside of you
fills you with emotions. I cut
out certain foods, I limited my
caffeine, I religiously took my
vitamins, and overnight I became
absolutely giddy at the thought of
how life was about to be.
And now that Cyprus has been
Earth-side for nearly 16 months
(how?), I can confidently say that
life is beautiful, and chaotic, and
wild, and bloody glorious. There
are moments where I well-up just
looking at his toes or hearing him
giggle, and there are times I think
“Wow… I am eternally grateful to
be alive, and to see my baby grow
up.” Being a mama is the best! It’s
actually an honour to raise these
tiny humans, and even more
of an honour to recognise how
much they look to you for, well…
pretty much everything.
But with all that being said,
being a mama can be the
hardest, most exhausting job in
the world, too. From the minute
Cyprus opens his eyes, to the
minute he goes to bed, he is go,
go, go. At 6am he’s babbling,
shouting, laughing, and wanting
to play. People were not wrong
when they said you don’t know
tiredness until you have kids!
Your children become the
centre of your world, whether
that’s an entirely good thing or
not. I know it’s important to
still be you, but that honestly
feels impossible at times. The
moment you give birth, you are
no longer your number one
priority – they are. You literally
have to keep this beautiful baby
alive and, let’s face it, nobody
actually tells you how? There
is no manual to parenting that
works for every parent and child
across the board. I’m winging
it. I’m winging it everyday, and
trying my best to be a great
mother. Some days I feel like
I’m bossing it. Other days I feel
like I’m on a loop of “No,” “Don’t
touch that,” “You’re going to hurt
yourself,” and (my favourite)
“Cyprus… why?!”
I don’t get dressed some days.
Other days, I do and then I
end up with snot, tears, milk,
or spaghetti hoops down me.
Some evenings, I’m just too
tired to cook myself a meal after
Cyprus’ evening routine, so it’s
either a takeaway, a sandwich,
or mozzarella dippers from the
freezer. There are moments
of “Who am I?”, that can leave
me feeling overwhelmed,
underwhelmed, or completely
deflated.
Becoming a mother can often
feel like you’ve lost yourself, or
you’ve changed so much you don’t
really recognise who you used
to be. Maybe you’re exclusively
breastfeeding, so your body
doesn’t feel like yours anymore.
Maybe a traumatic birth means
you’re mothering and healing
at the same time. Or maybe you

22 | Issue 62 | happiful.com

Photography | Krystal Neuvill
simply do not have the time to fill
yourself up in the ways that you
used to, therefore when the sun
sets at the end of the day you are
left feeling utterly empty.
Becoming a mother can often
become your entire identity,
without you meaning it to. You
become selfless and a home to
your children, which leads you to
forget that you are also a home to
yourself. It feels somewhat selfish
to want to be your own separate
person when your baby just
wants to be with you, on you, or
next to you at all times. I swear, if
Cyprus could go back inside my
womb, he would.
I guess feeling somewhat lost
is part and parcel of becoming
a mum. It’s something some of
us will find extremely difficult,
while others are fine with.
Being ‘somebody’s mum’ could
be enough for someone, but
completely shattering to another.
@GRACEFVICTORY
I sit somewhere in between.
Most days, I’m OK being ‘mum’.
Spending mornings at soft play,
watching CBeebies, cleaning the
floor three to four times a day, and
rarely getting a full night’s sleep,
because if he’s not hungry, he’s
teething, and if he’s not teething,
he simply wants to be near me,
and you know what? I secretly love
co-sleeping. But equally, I like solo
brunches, facials with friends, and
evenings out drinking mocktails. I
would like to wear cream without
the fear of his beautiful chocolatey
face attacking my every limb, and
to be able to sit and binge-watch
Bridgerton.
There are, of course, parts of
my old life (pre-baby) that I miss
and grieve – which is absolutely
normal and a mother’s right
to. I do, at times, feel lost and
overcome with feelings of “What
the f*** have I done, who the f***
am I, and will I ever f***ing feel
like me again?” But if I’ve learnt
anything in the past year and
a half, it’s that life is precious,
unpredictable, and being a mum
is sacred. You have to embrace
the chaos and give yourself grace
when coming back to yourself.
There is beauty in rediscovering
who you are.
So, to all you mamas out there
who look in the mirror and do
not recognise the person looking
back, I get it. In solidarity,
always.
Love
Grace x
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 23
 Welcome to the
new you
We all deserve to embark on those first steps towards healing, but what
does that look like in reality, and how can we learn to enjoy the ride?
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
M
any of us are on a
journey towards
healing and self-
transformation.
It might be following trauma,
periods of ill-health, the end of
a relationship, abuse, burnout,
bereavement – or, perhaps,
simply because we want to be
better versions of ourselves.
And change can happen. In
fact, research published in
Personality and Social Psychology
Bulletin explored how most of us
would like to change ourselves
in some way, and that people
who were able to do so, in ways
that aligned with their desires,
tended to experience increases in
wellbeing over time as a result.
Of course, though a hopeful
reminder, those data-backed
conclusions don’t completely
capture the full picture of the
healing journey – the good days
and the bad days, the hurdles
and uphill struggles – let alone
24 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
the fact that healing is about so,
so much more than just changing
‘something’ about yourself; it’s
about tending to emotional
wounds, unlearning unhelpful
thought-patterns, grieving,
forgiving, and learning. So, what
can we do to make it a positive
and successful experience?
Bon voyage
Say you’re at the start of your
healing journey, what are some
common misconceptions that
can hold you back? We put
this to Dr Liz Sparkes, a health
psychologist and life coach, and
she answers by looking inwards.
“I suppose the best way to
address this is to reflect on my
own misconceptions that I have
become aware of,” she says.
“It’s important to be gentle with
yourself and there is no rush.
Healing is most definitely not
linear, and you haven’t failed if
you find you are revisiting the
same issues or feelings. As long
as you have awareness and take
steps forward each time, that’s
progress.”
Treating yourself with kindness
is more than just a pat on the
back, it’s a whole shift in attitude,
and it’s key to any journey with
healing. But if ‘self-compassion’
feels out of reach for you
sometimes, you can easily
break it down into its practical
elements. Self-compassion
researcher Kristen Neff believes
it has three main components:
1. S elf-kindness, or having the
ability to refrain from harsh
criticism.
2. The ability to recognise your
own humanity, or the fact that
each of us is imperfect and
each of us experiences pain.
3. The ability to maintain a sense
of mindfulness or unbiased
awareness of experiences, even
if they are painful. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 25
 While you’re working on your
healing, how does your attitude
stack up against these principles?
What do you do well, and what
might you need to consider
working on as you move forward?
Off-trail
“There is more than one route to
the top of the mountain,” says Dr
Sparkes. “It’s very empowering
to realise that nobody else has
the ultimate answers, they come
from within.”
She goes on to highlight the
ways that we can do everything
‘right’ – access the right support,
the right guidance, the right
environment for healing and
development – but, ultimately,
this journey is about what works
for you, as the individual you are.
“This one tripped me up a
few times previously, until I
finally got it! This was a huge
turning point for me in all areas
of my life. I was searching for
26 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
Nobody else
has the ultimate
answers, they
come from within
the answers to my own healing
and self outside of myself, but
the best insights come from
within, especially when held in a
nurturing and supportive space.”
If you’re wondering how you
might be able to find those
answers for yourself, you could
try journaling (head to p83
for this month’s journaling
prompts), creating a vision board,
connecting with like-minded
people, or just spending some
quiet time reflecting on what you
know to be true about yourself,
and what those things can tell you
about strategies that will work.
Bumps in the road
Now, if you’re healing from
long-term, or even a lifetime
of, emotional pain, it’s likely
that your journey isn’t always
going to be straightforward, and
you might find yourself feeling
frustrated and stilted.
“I think one of the biggest
challenges for most is around
the concept of time,” Dr Sparkes
says. “Feeling in a rush firstly can
hamper your inner process; there
really is no rush, and actually
the best shifts and foundational
changes occur gently.”
Dr Sparkes also points out that
we often require space and time
for the process to take place,
and creating that space can be a
challenge – but it is so important.
“Another typical challenge
is trusting the process,” she
continues. “Healing and
transformation can be hard work,
but also very empowering and
strengthening.”

Along for the ride
“Finding the right support,
and method of support, is
really valuable,” Dr Sparkes
continues. “Sometimes, it
takes a few trials of different
processes of healing to find
the right one. If the first few
coaches/therapists/courses
don’t quite feel right, don’t give
up; use that insight to guide
you to what does feel right.”
As Dr Sparkes points out, an
important part of the healing
process is not to gloss over
our issues, and to approach
the journey from a place of
absolute honesty.
“Being able to feel that you
can be completely honest with
yourself, and also those holding
the space for you, will allow
much more change and deeper
transformation,” she adds.
“Like-minded friends have
been life-changing for me, and
this is probably one of the most
significant positive shifts for
me. The more that you surround
yourself with people who are
aligned with you the more
supported and at ease you feel
while going through periods of
transformation. Just showing up
on courses, training, or retreats
will support you to find those
like-minded people.
The best shifts
and foundational
changes occur
gently
The home stretch
Through the hard times, ask
yourself, what are you doing
this for? What do you hope
to achieve? What will healing
change about your life, and the
person you are? How will it affect
the next step
your relationships, your work,
your health, and your happiness?
Undeniably, the path will be
paved with challenges and
difficulties, sometimes to the
point where it may feel like
too much to overcome. But Dr
Sparkes has one last reminder:
“Enjoy it. It’s hard not to want to
get to ‘the end’, but actually the
whole process is really a lifetime
of transformation and shifting
towards a deeper connection to
the true self.”
Dr Liz Sparkes is a health
psychologist, intuitive coach, and
meditation practitioner. Find out more
by visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 27
 TRIGGER WARNING:
This article discusses sensitive topics that
some readers may find distressing.

Suicide:
Bhavna Raithatha the legacy for
BSc (Hons) MSc MBACP (Accred)

Bhavna is an international
those left behind
psychotherapist, coach,
critical incidence debriefer,
The topic of suicide is incredibly sensitive,
supervisor, and speaker who and distressing to discuss, but it’s only by
has worked with more than breaking the stigma that we can bring the
17K clients in the past 25 years.
Find out more by visiting
subject into the light, and ensure those in
counselling-directory.org.uk need get help as soon as possible

S
uicide isn’t an easy topic
to talk about, but many
of us have been impacted
by losing a loved one or
friend, or know someone who has.
That’s why it’s so important that
we talk about it together. Here’s
what I have learned though my
work as a psychotherapist, clinical
supervisor, critical incident
debriefer, and survivor of multiple
deaths by suicide in my family,
and of my beloved best friend.
Please take care of yourself as you
read this, as you may get triggered.
Suicide isn’t a new idea; the
intentional ending of one’s own
life has been practised throughout
human history. It is a deeply
evocative and provocative subject,
and one unique to humans, so
it’s not surprising that researchers
clearly want to know the why,
in order to answer questions
about human cognition, and to
understand free will and choice.
Those left behind, also wondering
why, want to make some sense
of their bewilderment and
devastation.
The World Health Organisation
estimates that there are more than
700,000 completed suicides each
year around the world. In the UK,
the Office for National Statistics
reported a total of 5,224 deaths
by suicide in England and Wales
in 2020 (75.1% males). For every
completed suicide, many more are
attempted, and this is the single
most important risk factor in
future attempts.
Suicide is often the end point
of a journey; an accumulation
of experiences, related thoughts
and feelings that result in a fatal
choice. Ultimately, the fact is, each
individual is precious and unique,
with their own experience of the
world and, try as we might, we
may never pin-point why they
took that path, even if we had the
capacity to retrace every moment
of their lives.
I want to offer some definitions
of suicide so that we can have a
framework to use.
Suicidal ideation is generally
defined as thoughts about
engaging in suicidal behaviour
– wanting to cause intentional,
intended, and fatal self-harm.

28 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
 EXPERT COLUMN

Feelings vary from mild to severe

(mild thoughts that come and
go and which are very common,
to severe, i.e. having a clear
plan). This can change from
one extreme to the other within
hours, or between one day and
the next.

Para suicide refers to engaging

in highly risky and dangerous
behaviours with absolute
disregard for one’s own safety, or
that of others. Examples include
dangerous driving at excessive
speeds, excessive drinking, drug
overdoses, and picking fights
despite the dangers involved.

Suicide is the deliberate intent of

employing one or more means
to end one’s own life. Individuals
with a history of previous failed
attempts have been shown
to have a significantly higher
likelihood to end their lives
through suicide.

Impulsive suicide is often driven

by extreme feelings in relation
to major adverse events, such
as a sudden (unexpected or
traumatic) death of a loved one,
loss of a relationship, home,
status, or job. In some cases, this
can be an act of absolute rage
associated with wielding power,
control, and to manipulate
someone’s behaviour. For
example, ‘If you leave me, I will
kill myself.’

Non-impulsive suicides refer to

those that have been meticulously
planned by individuals, whose
aim is to end their lives, who
have no regrets about dying, >>>

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 29
 and absolutely intend to kill
themselves regardless of any
intervention offered.
Everyone has, or will experience
mental health issues in the
course of their lives; we are living
in a world that has changed
drastically in the last few years,
forcing us to adapt faster than
at any point in human history.
Deteriorating mental health is
linked to an increased risk of
suicide. When we are happy and
thriving, we do not have any
intention to harm ourselves – why
would we? However, something
may happen that affects this.
Another risk factor focuses
on children and young people
with parents who abuse drugs
and/or alcohol. This is further
exacerbated if the person is
bullied, abused or victimised at
school, and feels they have no
source of support.
The risk of suicide is further
amplified in young people
identifying as part of the
LGBTQ+ community who may
be victimised or rejected by their
family and friends.
This spiral of chronic sadness,
lasting for more than a month,
can get very distressing and cause
feelings of helplessness and
hopelessness at not being able to
have control over, or see a way
out of the situation.
So what can you do to help
yourselves, and when should you
seek professional help?
1. Speak with your GP or call
Samaritans’ 24/7 helpline
on 116 123 immediately
upon realising something is
30 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
wrong, especially if you find
yourself experiencing dark or
unwanted thoughts.
2. Identify and list what
is going on for you, if
something is off, or you are
withdrawing from work,
family, or friends.
3. Consider: how is this
different to your normal?
Try to write out what you
would expect in a normal
day for you.
4. Think about what has
happened in your life to
make you feel this way. This
could be a recent experience,
or something from the past
triggered by something else • “I don’t want to burden anyone.”
at home, work, socially, or in If your friend was struggling,
the media. what would you want them to
5. What support have you do? Talk to you, let you help
got around you, and how them, or find someone who
easily can you access it? For can? So, let them be there for
example family, friends, your you, too.
GP, therapy, or a spiritual • “I’m so useless, I can’t even
community that you trust to cope with this!”
support you? Not being able to cope with
something doesn’t make us
With these steps in mind, useless. It makes us human,
it’s crucial to set the record and at the last count, there were
straight on some myths nearly 8 billion of us muddling
and misconceptions which our way through life, together.
might prevent someone from
reaching out: We all have limits, and sometimes
• “Seeking help is weak.” we have to cope with so many
No, seeking help is a very things that it feels as if it is too
powerful thing to do to take much to bear.
control of the situation. But know that sharing how you’re
• “I may be struggling feeling or that you’re struggling is
emotionally, but I am doing not a burden to loved ones – losing
something about it.” you would be far more distressing.
It’s vital to not downplay the I know how shattered my heart
situation or try to handle feels. The pain doesn’t go away. So,
it on your own. There is please, when you need it, let the
support out there. help in.

What’s
the cost?
As the cost of living increases, we’re looking at how
you can mind both your money and your mental health
R
ecently, it’s felt like we’re
stuck in a stream of
mounting pressure, as
we’ve faced one thing
after another. And with the cost
of living on the rise, many of
us will be worried about the
immediate future.
The Resolution Foundation
Think Tank estimates that an
extra 1.3 million people will fall
into absolute poverty in 2023,
including 500,000 children –
and middle-earners will likely
also feel the strain as bills and
monthly outgoings rise.
It goes without saying that this
is going to have an impact on
our mental health, as financial
wellbeing and mental health
are connected. In a survey of
more than 1,000 people by the
mental health charity Mind, 73%
reported that when their mental
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
health is poor, they struggle more
to manage their money, and 74%
also said that difficulty managing
money then went on to affect their
mental health.
“If you live with mental illness
you may be on a reduced income,
face increased costs, or find it hard
to budget, while money worries
can also place pressure on your
mental health, leading to increased
stress, worry, and anxiety,” Laura
Peters, head
​​ of mental health
and money advice at the charity
Mental Health UK, explains. “This
can create a worrying cycle that
can impact other aspects of your
life, such as your relationships,
work, or where you live. Improving
your financial security and
understanding the best way to
manage your money can have a
hugely positive impact on your
mental health.”
wellbeing
Money where your mouth is
But, truth be told, even just
talking about money can be
difficult, let alone taking
steps to manage it. Of course,
speaking about it is the first
step to getting help – both
practical tips and emotional
support – but our fears
and anxieties are often an
additional barrier.
“There are lots of reasons why
people find it hard to talk about
money worries,” Laura says.
“Parents or carers might feel
pressure to support loved ones
who rely on them. Some of us
might feel like we want to keep
up with friends, even though
we can’t afford to match their
spending habits. And many
people in debt tell us they feel
a huge amount of shame and
stigma around their situation.” >>>
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 31
 In research by the Money &
Pensions service in 2020, which
surveyed more than 5,200 people
across the UK, researchers
found that nearly half the adult
population (48%) say they have
worried about money once a
week or more in the past month.
It would be fair to say that that
number may have risen in 2022,
but the survey also looked into
the most common reasons why
UK adults avoid talking about
their money situation, finding
‘Shame/embarrassment’, ‘Not
wanting to burden others’, ‘It’s
not how they were brought up’,
‘It causes stress or anxiety’, and
‘Thinking they should be more
successful than they are’ were
among the top causes.
“Money worries can make
people feel really isolated, but
a lot of people will experience
money worries at some point in
their lives,” Laura says. “You are
not alone, and it’s important to
know there’s support available
to you. You’ll find lots of helpful
tips on the Mental Health
and Money Advice website
(mentalhealthandmoneyadvice.org).
“It can also help to open up to
friends or family, perhaps out for
a walk or over a cup of tea – this
isn’t something you want to bring
up just before you split the bill for

32 | Issue 62 | happiful.com

Nearly half the adult population say
they have worried about money once
a week or more in the past month
dinner or find it’s your turn to get
a round in. If you can share how
you’re feeling, not only can they
hopefully offer emotional support,
but they can also suggest plans
so you can spend time together
without it costing the earth.”
Dealing with a
financial shock
“Financial shocks will look
different for all of us,” says Laura.
“It might be a costly bill that you
hadn’t budgeted for, an essential
item that breaks and needs
replacing, or a big life event like
a relationship breakdown, loss of
job, or having a baby.
“You might feel like avoiding
thinking about the financial
problems this might cause, but
we’d always advise someone
going through this kind of a
shock to address the problem as
soon as possible, so you can get
help to create a plan which can
help you manage the situation.”
In an ideal world, we’d have
rainy-day savings to cover these
sorts of things. But that’s not
always possible for everyone,
and when financial shocks crop
up, it can be easy to go into panic
mode. As tempting as it may
be, try to stay away from high-
interest payday loans or credit
card debt, and instead have a look
at your outgoings to see if there’s
anything you’re overpaying on
(for example, are you paying too
much for your phone contract?),
or areas you could cut back on
until things even out a bit more.
“Also, if you feel comfortable
doing so, you might find it helpful
to open up to friends or family so
that they can help to support you
through it, and take the pressure
off you from trying to keep up
appearances – which won’t help
your money situation or your
mental health,” Laura adds.
Hard times
As many of us face a tight
squeeze on our finances in the
coming year, it’s important to be
realistic about what’s ahead of us,
and the ways in which we might
have to adjust. But being realistic
also means trying, as best we can,
to let go of shame and stigma.
Money matters are complex, and
rely on many different factors,
and so financial struggles are
never a simple case of just ‘bad’
management.
And, one final reminder, you
really don’t have to face money
problems alone. Whether it’s
reaching out to your support
network, or organisations that
can advise your next steps, help is
free for the taking.
wellbeing
In practice
Laura Peters, ​​head of mental
health and money advice,
Mental Health UK, shares the
following tips:
“With the cost of living going
up, lots of people are feeling
worried about their money,
and may also be experiencing
low mood. Sometimes anxiety
and low mood can get us into
an avoidance cycle – where
we try to avoid the problem,
but this only increases our
anxiety in the long-term.
Completing a budget sheet will
help you to get a better idea
of your finances. Break it down
into smaller tasks if it feels too
daunting to start with.
“If you find that you have
more going out than coming
in, get free, independent
advice from MoneyHelper.
Find helpful exercises you can
do with our mental health and
money toolkit.
“If you feel worried almost all
of the time, consider speaking
to your GP, who might refer
you for talking therapies, or
prescribe you medication.”
Visit moneyhelper.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 33

There’s more to beekeeping than just the yummy honey! Looking after the busy
insects is good for the planet, can improve your mental wellbeing, and really
boost your self-esteem. It’s time to uncover what all the buzz is about
M
y son announced
recently, quite
unexpectedly, that
he wanted to buy
some bees.
Now, while this might be
considered strange bee-haviour,
it is perfectly in-tune with his
dream of living a happier, and
altogether less stressful existence.
Plans to live in a van with his
partner and two children have,
for the time being anyway, come
to naught, and so acquiring some
bees is the latest stop on the road
to a more sustainable, healthier,
and better-balanced lifestyle.
At first, I must admit, I was
a little sceptical, but with my
interest piqued, I decided to delve
a little deeper and it seems that
working with bees, or apiculture
to the initiated (the word is
derived from the Latin apis
meaning bee), really can improve
your mental wellbeing and boost
self-esteem.
34 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
Absolutely
buzzing
Writing | Paul Williams
Human interaction with wild
bees can be traced back 10,000
years, while beekeeping began
domestically in North Africa
9,000 years ago, with pottery
vessels being used as crude hives.
Fast-forward to the 21st century,
however, and bee numbers are
declining rapidly. So much so
that 20 May has been declared
World Bee Day. Approved by the
United Nations, the day offers an
opportunity to raise awareness
about the threats to bees caused
by human activities.
You might have noticed that
these last couple of years
have been a bit difficult for us
humans, too. In fact, 48% of
UK adults say the pandemic
has negatively affected their
wellbeing. Getting outside, taking
a moment, and really connecting
with nature has become more
important than ever.
Research into exactly how
interacting with nature can
positively affect our mental
health is being conducted all the
time, but repeated studies show
that spending time in our natural
surroundings can produce an
inner peace and boost self-
esteem, helping us to feel good
about ourselves, and see things
that may be troubling us in a
different, more positive light.
But what if you could do more
than that? What if you could help
nature while you were helping
yourself, how good would that
make you feel?
But why should I care about
bees? I hear you ask. Well,
according to Friends of the
Earth, bees help produce
around one-third of our food
supply, provide us with half
of the world’s fibres, oils, and
other minerals, provide food
for wildlife, aid us in developing
medicines, and contribute to the
prevention of soil erosion. Quite
a list! >>>
Getting outside, taking
a moment, and really
connecting with nature
has become more
important than ever

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 35
 Catherine Howell is co-
director of Barefoot Kitchen
CIC (Community Interest
Company), a social enterprise
based in Middlesbrough, in North
Yorkshire, that delivers “plot to
plate projects for people, places
and the planet”. She is passionate
about creating beautiful spaces
for others to enjoy, and is a keen
advocate of community activism.
Catherine and her small team
(who operate on a co-operative
basis) deliver projects that link
the outdoors with wellbeing, and
were instrumental in launching
the successful ‘Buzz-in Boro’
campaign from 2020–21.
The aim of the project was
to increase the number of
honeybees within the town, and
raise awareness of the pollinator
species, and the vital role they
play in food production. The
company produced a spotter’s
guide, taught basic beekeeping
skills within the community, and
installed several ‘eco tree hives’ in
prominent public spaces.
The hives are carefully designed
for gentle beekeeping, made with
natural materials, and insulated
to protect the bees from extremes
of temperature. They’ve become
a local attraction, with passers-
by watching the bees’ activities,
taking photos, and making videos.
Buzz-in Boro builds on a
legacy of successful community
beekeeping projects in
36 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
Middlesbrough. An earlier
project, ‘Bee Friend,’ funded by
a National Lottery Local Food
grant awarded to Middlesbrough
Environment City, taught 80
people beekeeping skills, and
created four new community
apiaries for residents to gain
practical experience. Bee Friend
was the national ‘small grants’
project winner in the National
Lottery’s awards.
Another bee-related project,
along with a love of nature, led
author Steve Donohoe down a
path to recovery from alcohol
addiction – he is now a fully-
fledged beekeeper, having gone
from A to bee you might say.
Steve says: “When I started
keeping bees, I wanted an escape
from city life. They were on a
farm near High Legh, Cheshire,
about a 20-minute drive from
my house in south Manchester.
I attended evening classes run
by the Stockport Beekeeping
Association in the winter of
2011, and by July 2012, I was a
beekeeper.
“I like to think that bees helped
me on my path to recovery.
Family life, problems at work,
credit card bills, and just never
stopping my mind from racing
were issues that plagued me.
“Fortunately for me, spending
time connected to the natural
world is tremendously healing.
Inside a hive is a beautiful world
of wax and pollen and propolis
(‘bee glue’) – the sounds and
smells of summer! The bees are
so fascinating that you become
fully immersed in their affairs.
Even though I tend towards
being an antisocial introvert, it
turned out that meeting other
beekeepers for a chat over a
cup of tea was an unexpected
pleasure.”
Steve adds: “I currently run
50-odd colonies of bees in four
apiaries. My first book, Interviews
with Beekeepers, has been in print
for two years, and my blog, The
Walrus and the Honeybee, is still
going strong after five years. It’s
fair to say that bees are a big part
of my life.”
For members of the bee
community, highlighting the
benefits that pollinators can
offer us is key: Friends of the
Earth recently launched their
Bee Cause campaign which seeks
to raise awareness of how the
decline in bees’ diversity and
abundance would have a serious
impact on the natural world.
Their bee-saver kit, which has
everything you need to help bees
survive, (and a lovely little bee
postcard, too) can be bought
via their website. The kit also
contains some wildflower seeds
so you really can spread the love.
Go on, help a bee out today.
Who knows, you might get a buzz
out of it!
What if you could help
nature while you were
helping yourself, how good
would that make you feel?

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 37
 Homework strategies
for children with ADHD
Homework can feel like an impossible struggle for kids
with ADHD, but it doesn’t have to be that way…
A
s a child who grew up
with ADHD, (attention
deficit hyperactivity
disorder), I know what it’s like to
skip homework day after day. I
was fortunate to have parents who
were very laid back – but, had they
been pushy parents, I assure you,
I still wouldn’t have got much done.
There’s this feeling, I like to
call it the ‘I can’t be bothered’
feeling, which prevails every time
I try to concentrate. On the rare
occasion when I’d overcome the
‘I can’t be bothered’ feeling (like
on the evening before an exam)
you can rest assured that it would
be back again the following day.
On top of this, there are all the
other challenges of executive
dysfunction such as forgetfulness,
working memory, inattention, and
time management, which don’t
make things any easier.
Many children I work with are
so tired when they arrive home
from school that they barely
have any energy left in the tank.
This is common for ADHD-ers,
as it usually coincides with when
their medication starts to wear
off. So, what can you do to make
homework easier for kids with
ADHD?
38 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
Writing | Ben Isaacson
How to understand
processing modalities
From my experience, there
are several strategies that can
help. However, it’s important
to recognise that each child is
different and will be energised
depending on their individual
strengths and processing
modalities, whether it be auditory,
kinaesthetic, visual, or tactile. For
example, one of my clients does
their homework using coloured
sharpie pens (visual), some can
only complete reading tasks while
listening to ‘white noise’ (auditory),
while others prefer a ‘POP IT’ toy
or Thinking Putty (kinaesthetic).
There’s nothing wrong with
applying two items at the
same time. One of my students
discovered that she focuses better
when using a scented diffuser
together with an hourglass timer to
help with her time management.
These are just a few ideas that can
make a big difference.
1. Flexibility
As you may well know, ADHD-ers
hate being told what to do. That
is why it can be so useful to give
them a flexible time frame. Give
your child ownership by asking
when they’d like to complete their
homework. Obviously, giving
them the entire weekend is too
long a window. The homework
just won’t get done. However,
offering a two-hour timeframe
for your child to complete an
hour’s worth of work, allows them
to approach it in their own way.
It also helps the child to psych
themselves up for the unwelcome
experience. This will make the
transition from recreation to
homework that little bit easier.
If your child struggles to move
away from the screen, then other
interventions may be necessary.
2. Reward schemes
Many children with ADHD aren’t
motivated by the long-term
rewards of education. ADHD-ers
need something ‘instant’ to look
forward to, whether it be screen-
time, a tasty treat, a gadget, or
a packet of stickers for their
collection. An instant reward
has the effect of stimulating the
brain in the short-term. One child
I coach has an arrangement,
whereby for each evening of
completed homework, they
receive 30 minutes of allotted
screen time. Reward schemes like

this don’t make homework more
enjoyable, but it at least gives your
child a reason to do it.
3. Body-doubling
Many children find it easier to
concentrate when among their
peers. This is why after-school
homework clubs are so popular. If
homework clubs aren’t your child’s
thing, then perhaps they can use
a ‘body-double’. If your child has
a friend who also has ADHD, then
perhaps they can take it in turns
to go to each other’s house and
complete their work together. If two
people are working together, there’s
a higher level of accountability.
4. Shorter bursts of study
Prolonged periods of attention are
a challenge, especially for subjects
your child has little interest in.
Sometimes, hiring a tutor can
be a useful way to instil some
accountability. Children are less
inclined to let someone down if they
aren’t a family member. Arranging
shorter lessons of 30 minutes with
a tutor can be a more effective way
of sustaining attention. The longer
the lesson, the more risk there is of
your child zoning out.
How can coaching help?
It might be worthwhile getting
support from someone who
wellbeing
Prolonged periods
of attention are
a challenge,
especially for
subjects your child
has little interest in
understands your child’s ADHD.
A personal coach or mentor can
help your child get organised at
the start of the week, and can
provide calm encouragement,
and accountability.
Ben Isaacson is an ADHD coach and
former school teacher specialising
in supporting children and
adolescents with ADHD. Visit
lifecoach-directory.org.uk for more.
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 39
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Get to know your neighbours
It’s time to tear down those fences (not literally), and connect with
the community next door. Here’s how you can strike up a conversation
in the street, and turn good neighbours into good friends
F
or some, the pandemic
placed an added
significance to our sense
of community, as we
stayed close to home and people
helped each other out. But still,
many of us aren’t familiar with
who lives on our street, or even
next door, with 73% of people in
the UK saying they don’t know
their neighbours.
I’m a shy person, but really
value connecting with others.
So, recently, I’ve found myself
feeling frustrated at how little
I know about the people who
share my street, who I see every
day. If you’re in a similar boat,
you might be asking: what can
I do to feel more confident and
start making these community
connections?
Writing | Caroline Butterwick
Lend me some sugar
Although we may be unsure about
reaching out to our neighbours,
there are good reasons to give
it a try. “Getting to know our
neighbours has so many benefits,”
explains life coach Sohaila Sophia.
“Even just a simple ‘Hello’ every
day can give our wellbeing a
huge boost! Increased social
connection supports our mental
wellbeing, and decreases our rates
of anxiety and depression. A sense
of social connection is one of our
fundamental human needs.”
Developing our relationships with
our neighbours builds our sense
of community, and helps us feel
safer. Plus, you never know if a
quick chat with someone about the
weather could end up developing
into a meaningful friendship,
relationships
bringing with it all the joys that
come with making new friends.
Knowing our neighbours
increases our feeling of
belonging, too, something
Sohaila explains is essential
to being happy and
fulfilled. “When we feel
part of something such as a
community, we feel supported,
and when we feel supported
we can often cope better
in life, and experience less
stress and anxiety,” she says.
“Feeling a sense of belonging
to our community can help us
to feel like we are living with
more purpose and meaning.
When we feel as though we are
living with more purpose and
meaning, we often experience
less stress and depression.” >>>
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 41
 There are pragmatic advantages,
too. I’d love to be able to pop
next door to ask to borrow their
hedge trimmer, or to know I’d
have someone to turn to for help
if I locked myself out, or had an
emergency. With these close-knit
connections can spring comfort
and support.
Reach for the stars
It’s normal to feel nervous about
getting to know your neighbours
– I know I certainly do. So, to
build your confidence, Sohaila
recommends starting with small
actions. Smiling or waving, or
saying good morning helps to
42 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
break down barriers. It also shows
you’re friendly and open, and
the kind of person who would be
willing to pause for a chat.
Give it a go and see how your
neighbours react. Don’t be
disheartened if they don’t seem
to acknowledge you – they could
have been distracted, having a bad
day, or even be taken by surprise.
I must admit that when I saw
neighbours, I tended to avoid eye
contact and felt quite awkward. I
gave people a smile, but found it
hard to do more than that.
Now, I am actively trying to
follow Sohaila’s advice, and
making an effort to say hello.
A sense of social
connection is one
of our fundamental
human needs
Stepping outside, when I see
that the people next door are
out in their front garden, tidying
up, I make a point of saying
a friendly “Hello!” and am
delighted when they respond
the same, with a warm smile.
It’s a small thing, but it puts a
spring in my step.

Sohaila suggests, once you’re
comfortable with this, that you
try engaging in a conversation.
“Perhaps ask if they have had a
good day or a nice weekend,” she
says. “If you notice their children
are wearing dance or sports
kits, you could ask how their
training or classes are going.
Take a moment to notice these
small things so you can engage
in conversation with them with
more ease. You will notice over
time that they too are likely to ask
you questions, and it becomes a
two-way process, which will ease
your confidence and become a
more natural interaction.
“You will probably find a lot of
neighbours are so pleased you
started the initial conversation
with them, and are happy to
keep this going, and create more
social connections within the
community.”
This makes me think of the
neighbour I feel I know the best.
We bonded a few years ago by
talking about her lovely tabby cat
who kept getting lost, and we’d
find snoozing in my garden. This
topic of connecting made me
realise that I haven’t spoken to
her for a while.
When I next saw her, I made
sure to say “Hi”, and soon we
were chatting away on the
pavement for a few minutes.
The simple conversation starter
leads me to find out more about
her, and enjoy the chance to talk
about how I’m doing as well.
These short conversations can
bring so much meaning to our
day. I work from home, which
can be quite isolating, so making
these connections can be even
more valuable. Afterwards, I felt
brighter, and more confident
that I know someone who lives
just across the road.
Meet me at the crossroads
“Once you’re comfortable
with general and light
communication, you can then
take this further if you wish to,”
says Sohaila. “Perhaps suggest a
coffee one afternoon, or going
on a walk together. If you have
pets or children you can involve
them too, so that it can easily
form part of your day.”
Sohaila suggests getting a few
people together and starting
a weekly walk, book club, or
coffee morning at a local café.
“You can start small by just
inviting a couple of neighbours,
and ask them to spread the word
to see how it progresses. People
love connecting, and being part
of something.”
If organising something
yourself sounds nerve-wracking,
it could be worth looking at
what’s already going on locally.
Many places have community
centres that run groups and
activities. These are a great
chance to meet other people
in a way that can feel more
relationships
structured than striking up a
conversation in the street.
For me, joining creative groups
has helped me meet those
nearby who share my love of
writing. It’s nice to know there
are people down the road who
I have something in common
with, and it can be easier to make
connections when you share an
interest. Listening to Sohaila’s
words of wisdom inspires me
to text someone who lives just
around the corner who I met
at a community get-together to
see if she wants to meet up, and
soon we have a coffee morning
planned.
It can take time to get to
know our neighbours, but the
wellbeing benefits make it worth
the effort. Say “Hello”, give a
smile, and see where it takes you
– at the very least, you’ll boost
your sense of belonging. You
may find you make a great new
friend, or even have someone to
turn to next time you forget your
keys.
Sohaila Sophia is a qualified life
coach and NLP practitioner. Get in
touch and find out moreby visiting
lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 43
 Gracious words are
a honeycomb, sweet to the
soul and healing to the bones
PROVERBS 16:24

Photography | Daniel Bounliane

44 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
 food & health

Excuse
me, where’s
the loo?
When a medical condition makes you need the toilet suddenly,
ongoing worry about where the nearest one is, is understandable.
Here we explore toilet anxiety, and, crucially, how to cope with it

Writing | Kat Nicholls

I
magine you’re somewhere
you’ve never been before,
and you suddenly realise you
need to use the bathroom.
You start looking around and
asking people where the nearest
toilet is, but there doesn’t seem to
be one nearby.
Many of us will instantly
recognise the fear that can rise in
situations like this. The worries
of ‘What if I can’t find anywhere
to go?’ or ‘What if I don’t make it
to the bathroom?’ For most of us,
however, this experience is rare.
For those with inflammatory
bowel disease (IBD) or
overactive bladder (OAB), this
experience is more common,
and can understandably lead
to anxiety.
I’ll be honest, my motivation
for writing about this is
personal. Several members
of my family live with these
conditions, and my mum in
particular (who has ulcerative
colitis) has been struggling
with anxiety around accessing
toilets. At its worst, toilet
anxiety can stop people living
their lives, making travel
difficult, and spontaneous
activities fraught with worry.
April Trawicki, support services
manager at Crohn’s & Colitis UK,
explains how IBD might impact
someone’s mental health.
“The symptoms of Crohn’s and
colitis, such as fatigue, pain and
an urgent need for the toilet,
can be challenging to cope with.
They can make someone worried
about leaving home and seriously
affect their work and social >>>

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 45
 life. This can lead to feelings of
isolation, and can increase the
risk of depression or anxiety.”
April goes on to note that as
they are fluctuating conditions,
it can be difficult to plan ahead
as every day can be different
and unpredictable. “They are
also hidden conditions, meaning
others don’t always understand
the impact of having Crohn’s or
colitis,” she adds.
Alongside the hidden nature
of these illnesses, there is the
stigma society attaches to bodily
functions. Talking about our
toilet habits isn’t the easiest thing,
but this is something the IBD
charity encourages, offering a
Talking Toolkit for those living
with Crohn’s and Colitis to tell
loved ones about their experience
(visit ittakesguts.org.uk to access).
Other practical tools April When you pick apart
most cases of anxiety,
recommends include joining
Crohn’s & colitis UK to receive a
‘Can’t Wait Card’ and a RADAR key.
“Both can be used to help access
it seems that a lack of
toilets when out and about,” April control is at their heart
explains. “We know that planning
toilet access on journeys before
people set off can help people After seeing multiple doctors between thoughts, feelings, and
feel more confident away from and nutritional experts, my behaviours, working to find
home. There are many toilet map mum is now finding some relief helpful thought processes around
apps available online, which can physically – but the psychological the situation that causes anxiety.
help with journey planning. impact can be harder to For many, this can be extremely
“Some people also carry an manage. In terms of treatment, useful. For others, however, this
emergency kit, such as a change cognitive behavioural therapy approach doesn’t always help.
of clothes, alcohol-free wet (CBT) is often recommended We’re all different, and therefore
wipes, and a neutraliser aerosol for anxiety. CBT looks to help it can be useful to explore other
to disguise odour is useful.” people understand the link options. An approach my mum

46 | Issue 62 | happiful.com

has started looking into, for
example, is hypnotherapy.
Using hypnosis to work
with the subconscious,
hypnotherapists support clients
in ‘rewiring’ neural pathways
so they respond to anxiety
differently. Hypnotherapist
Shonagh Terry’s first client with
this problem had an overactive
bladder and, after 25 years, was
desperate for help.
Shonagh explains that she took
some time to talk to the client
about the subconscious, and
how it is in charge “even though
the conscious mind is the one
they are aware of”, and how
hypnotherapy can influence
the emotional reaction to our
thoughts.
During the session, Shonagh
used self-esteem and confidence
as the basis of her suggestions.
“Two days later she phoned and
said, ‘I don’t know what you have
done, but I haven’t had a single
leak since I saw you.’ I was as
delighted as she was. She came
back in a week, and had had one
incident.
“Over time, she did have
moments when she lapsed
slightly, but when we examined
the situations, anxiety from
a life experience had a major
part to play in it. She stopped
all medication. Her GP and
consultant were delighted for her.
“The treatment plan I used
with her I have used as a basis
for all my bowel and bladder
conditions. I am always amazed
at the success rate they have,
and I ensure I constantly praise,
accentuate the positive, and
emphasise that they can take
back control.”
When you pick apart most
cases of anxiety, it seems that a
lack of control is at their heart.
So I can understand how being
empowered to take back control,
especially with conditions like
these, would have a powerful
effect.
A technique that can help with
this, Shonagh says, is identifying
where you lack balance in terms
of influence and concern.
“Look at your life and make
a list of what’s bothering you,
including habitual behaviours.
It should be no longer than eight
items,” Shonagh says. “Tackle
the biggest thing first. Imagine
two circles, one called influence
and one called concern. They
should be roughly equal in size.
If your influence is small and the
concern is large, you’re out of
balance/control.
“Reduce or increase the circles
until they are more in balance.
That may mean identifying the
positives in your life, rejecting
negative thoughts or associating
with negative/critical people,
and/or finding a consultant,
expert, or therapist who you feel
in-tune with to help you through
your maze.”
food & health
So, what tools can you use to
support yourself?
1. Practical preparation (i.e.
having a ‘Can’t Wait Card’, a
RADAR key, and an emergency
kit for peace of mind).
2.Community support (i.e.
connecting with others who
‘get it’, and explaining your
condition to friends, family,
and co-workers).
3. Psychological support
(i.e. looking into CBT or
hypnotherapy to help you
manage anxiety and build
confidence).
Underlying all of this is taking
care of your physical health,
working with doctors, and making
recommended lifestyle shifts.
Together, these approaches can
help you regain a sense of control,
and live life to the fullest, because
you absolutely deserve to.
Shonagh M Terry is a hypnotherapist
who specialises in anxiety, stress,
and self-belief. To find out more, visit
hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 47
 Happiful recommends
From forging unlikely friendships to an ancient tree walking trail, and a podcast that’ll
empower and inspire you, try something new with our enriching suggestions
Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

3
ACT OF KINDNESS

Age UK telephone friendship service

1
In an initiative to combat loneliness, Age UK offers a free
telephone service to reduce feelings of social isolation in older people.
The service matches people aged 60 and above to a friendly volunteer
for weekly chats. Will you pick up the phone today and be someone’s
reason to smile? (Visit ageuk.org.uk for more information)

PAGE-TURNERS

Take a Moment: Activities to
Refocus, Recentre and Relax
Wherever You Are by Mind
Life can be stressful, but taking
a moment for yourself is
sometimes all we need to feel
ourselves again. Whether you
need to refocus, recentre, or
relax, experts from mental health
charity Mind have developed this
4
LEND US YOUR EARS
Hurdle
Wellness coach and motivational speaker Emily Abbate
invites inspiring individuals, from renowned athletes to
ambitious entrepreneurs, to talk about their highest highs
and bare all with their toughest hardships. Her goal is to equip you with
the skills to overcome your own hurdles, and empower you to be the best
version of yourself. (Available on all podcasting platforms)

5
handy pocket guide packed with
activities and resources to utilise PLUGGED-IN
wherever you are. (Michael
O’Mara Books, £9.99) Georgia
Rose Hardy
Photography

2
OUT AND ABOUT Rosie Hardy is a
surrealist photographer known
Ancient tree walks for her whimsical, fairytale-like
Be at one with nature and walk among the most storytelling, but it’s not just a
ancient trees in the UK with the National Trust’s pretty picture! As an expression
walking trail guide. I know what you’re thinking: can trees really of her emotions, the images
be that spectacular? These aren’t just any trees, they are the and words on her social feed
‘leafy guardians’ of our earth. Packed with character and history, depict a vulnerability that we
they are an example of living archeology. can all relate to. (Follow
(Visit nationaltrust.org.uk for more information) @georgiarosehardy)

48 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
 culture

7
TECH TIP-OFFS

Forest
Staying productive can be difficult, but Forest offers a
unique approach to time management. Whenever you
want to stay focused, plant a tree in the app and it will

6
LESSON LEARNED grow. If you become distracted and exit the app before your timer is
up, the tree will die. Partnered with Forest of the Future, you’ll also be
Become a helping the planet by growing real trees when you spend virtual coins
walrus detective earned from your productivity. (Available on the App Store for £3.49)
With climate change having a

8
significant impact on the Arctic,
walruses are facing the reality of
the crisis. Did you know that you
can contribute to conservation
science by spending 30 minutes
searching through Google satellite
images for walruses? You’ll be
helping scientists to identify
changes in the walrus population,
and be learning along the way.
(Visit wwf.org.uk to find out
more)
GET GOING
Puppy yoga
Finding the motivation to exercise
can be difficult, but this fun-filled
class might have the solution:
puppies. It involves 30 minutes of
puppy yoga, and 30 minutes of
cuddles, promising a paws-itively
unique experience. Not only are
you boosting your own wellbeing,
but you’ll also be helping young
WIN!

9
pups to socialise. (Visit puppy-
SQUARE EYES yoga.co.uk to book)
WIN A BOTTLE OF
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This isn’t your average nature documentary; it’s a
compelling story that challenges the belief that humans are For your chance to win a
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Craig Foster makes a vow to swim in the sea every day, which leads him simply email your answer
to experience a rare glimpse into the world of the common octopus, while to the following question to
learning about his own experiences on the way. (Available on Netflix) competitions@happiful.com

10
TREAT YOURSELF How long does the average
person spend in the bath?
Olverum Bath Oil
Packed with a luxurious aromatic blend of natural essential oils, a) 19.5 minutes
Olverum bath oil is the perfect indulgence for your bathing routine b) 24.5 minutes
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meditative experience for the ultimate ‘me time’. Not to mention, it’s mainland and Northern Ireland only.
vegan-friendly and cruelty-free! (£36.50, uk.olverum.com) Good luck!

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 49
 Give your
gut some love
Lunch just got a little more interesting
Writing | Claire Hunter

G
ut health is a hot
topic these days.
And rightly so. Did
you know that you
have approximately 38 trillion
microbial cells living in your
gut? Cell-for-cell, that makes
you about 50% human, and
50% microbe!
This ecosystem of microbes
living in your large intestine
(AKA your gut microbiota)
plays an active role in the
maintenance of health, and
prevention of disease. While
this is a relatively new and
evolving area of research,
and we don’t yet know the full
extent of the functions the
microbiota are involved in,
what we do know is that a more
diverse range of gut microbes is
associated with better health.
So, how can you diversify your
gut microbiota? Simply put: eat
a wider variety of plants!
This quick and easy salad is
a stealthy way to sneak more
plants into your diet. It’s an
excellent meal-prep option,
making it a good choice for
your lunchbox, and the bright
colours ensure it’s appealing to
kids. It’s a sensational salad the
whole family will enjoy!

50 | Issue 62 | happiful.com

Asian salad
Serves 2
Ingredients
For the salad
• 100g dry quinoa*
• 150g edamame beans,
shelled (frozen or fresh)
• 1 small red pepper,
deseeded and diced
• 1 carrot, peeled and diced
• 3 spring onions, washed
and sliced
• Half a cucumber, washed
and diced
• 100g red cabbage, washed
and sliced thinly
• 1 avocado, peeled,
deseeded, and diced
• 2 tsp sesame seeds
• Coriander cress (or
fresh coriander)
For the dressing
• 1 tbsp toasted sesame oil
• 1/2 tbsp chilli oil (or
cold-pressed rapeseed oil
if you don’t want it spicy)
• 1/2 tbsp lime juice
• 1/2 tbsp rice wine vinegar
• 1/2 tbsp soy sauce or tamari
• 1 tsp freshly grated ginger
• 1 tsp maple syrup
• 1 clove of garlic, peeled
and minced
• Salt and pepper to taste
* You can use a 250g pouch of
ready-to-eat quinoa, available in
most supermarkets.
Method:
• Pop the quinoa into a sieve and
rinse under running water for
30 seconds. Drain well, then
add to a small saucepan with
250ml water. Bring the pan to
a boil, then turn the heat down
to a gentle simmer and cook for
10 minutes.
• Remove the pan from the heat,
cover with a lid and leave to
steam for a further 5 minutes,
before fluffing with a fork. All
the water should be absorbed.
• While the quinoa cooks, boil
the edamame according to
package instructions (usually
3–5 minutes, depending on
whether you’re using fresh or
frozen). Once cooked, drain,
and set aside to cool.
• Make the dressing by
combining all the ingredients
together in a small bowl and
whisk (or add them to a jar and
give it a good shake).
• Allow the quinoa to cool for
30 minutes before adding
it to a mixing bowl with the
cooked edamame and chopped
vegetables.
• Toss with the dressing, top with
the sesame seeds and coriander
cress, and enjoy!
This salad keeps well in the fridge
for three days. Add the dressing and
avocado just before eating to prevent
the salad from going soggy, and the
avocado from browning.
food & health
The healthy bit
Making a conscious effort to
diversify the plant foods in your
diet will help you not only nourish
your gut microbes, but also
increase the variety of essential
nutrients you’re eating.
Take this salad, for example, red
pepper is high in vitamin C, while
carrots are an excellent source
of beta-carotene, and onions
contain prebiotic fibre that your
good gut microbes are particularly
partial to. Cucumbers are a good
source of vitamin K, as well as
being about 95% water – so great
to keep you hydrated – and red
cabbage provides impressive
nutritional bang for your buck,
with one of the highest densities
of antioxidants per (£) pound.
Then there’s avocado, with its
admirable healthy fat content
and punch of potassium, as well
as vitamins E, K and B9 (folate).
Quinoa and edamame are both
great sources of plant-based
protein, and are equally rich
in various minerals including
iron, magnesium, zinc, and
manganese.
This salad is also packed with
fibre, which your gut microbes
thrive on!
Claire Hunter is a nutritional
therapy practitioner and
holistic nutritionist,
specialising in digestive
health and plant-based
nutrition. Find more at
nutritionist-resource.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 51
 Where there’s a Will…
There’s a way to embrace wellbeing, and singer, songwriter, actor,
podcast host, and author Will Young seems to be on the right
path, as he discusses self-mastery, the importance of intention,
misconceptions about fame, and the love of a good dog
Writing | Lucy Donoughue

T
“ hat’s my dog snoring
in the background, I’m
so sorry!” Will Young
explains, smiling from
the other side of the screen. His
handsome rescue, Domino, the
source of the melodic snore, is
oblivious to the conversation
as Will continues, sharing
the experiences that led him
to write and release his most
recent book, Be Yourself and
Happier: The A-Z of Wellbeing.
Will has so much to offer
when it comes to talking
about mental health. Back in
2011, he had a breakdown,
accompanied by crippling
agoraphobia. This period
of severe mental ill-health
was also the beginning of
his desire for deep personal
exploration, and he went on to
work with multiple therapists,
trial different modalities, and
proactively educate himself on
the mind-body connection.
For the past eight years, Will
notes, he’s been fully immersed
in the world of wellbeing, and
he’s eager to help others if he
can, by sharing the insights he’s
gained along the way.
“It’s enlightenment really,”
he says, reflecting on his
discoveries. “When I got into
myself and broke into past
traumas and behaviours, I hit a
wall – a wall that I had, through
survival, not wanted to climb
over, or even break through. As I
learnt more about my humanity, I
just wanted to share it. I’m really
fascinated, I love the subject of
mental health and wellbeing, and
it’s sort of become my passion.”
To keep the mental health
conversation going and
growing, Will now hosts ‘The
Wellbeing Lab’ podcast, a weekly
exploration of therapy and life’s
challenges. He’s covered an array
of topics including shopping
addiction, body dysmorphic
disorder, sex addiction, and loss
of sex drive, and he’s spoken
to experts about boundaries,
somatic therapy, CBT (cognitive
behavioural therapy), and dealing
with rumination. Listeners write in
and share their experiences, and,
in turn, Will shares how certain
topics resonate with him.
Putting his lived experiences front
and centre of his work in wellbeing
is crucial to Will. It helps him to
develop an authentic connection
with people who are looking for a
more positive way forward, as he
was. “All the stuff I do, comes from
my own behaviour, so it’s from a
place of absolutely no judgement,” Photography | Joseph Sinclair
he says. “Hopefully my book opens
a door into a way of becoming
what my old therapist, Louis Evans,
used to call a ‘functional adult’ and
gaining self-mastery, which is what
we all want.”
Listening to Will talk about
wellbeing and how we manage
ourselves is really refreshing.

52 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
 the next step

When I got into myself

and broke into past
traumas and behaviours,
I hit a wall – a wall that
I had, through survival,
not wanted to climb over,
or even break through

He’s taken years of therapy and

study, and reframed it in a way
that’s accessible. He advocates
for a series of small personal
behaviour tweaks and daily
self-awareness practices that can
make a huge difference in how we
show up for ourselves and others.
Will believes that it’s imperative
to start with how we, as
individuals, speak and behave
when it comes to our wellbeing
and the energy we project into
the world.
“There’s lots of tiny things that
are so nuanced but actually really
powerful that I’ve learnt over the
years. We’ve got to be really quite
rigid and watch out for certain >>>

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 53
 Listen to the full interview
with Will Young on Happiful’s
podcast ‘I am. I have’

language. Notice how often we

use the word ‘but’. ‘Today I’m
feeling positive but quite anxious,’
or ‘Today I’m feeling positive and
quite anxious.’ It takes away the
judgement.’
“The use of the word ‘I’ in
conflict resolution is crucial.
Always talk from the ‘I’ position,”
Will continues. “And intention
is key, too. I use the example
of apologising; if I apologise
because I want to make you like
me again, my intention isn’t to
own my stuff. Or if my hope is
that you’ll apologise too, then it’s
not a real apology! Drill down
into intentions, and really try
to find the most authentic one,
otherwise you’ll always come
up short, and you’ll remain
frustrated and unhappy.”
While Will is fascinated by the
use and impact of language,
he’s equally interested in how
everyday tasks can improve our
sense of wellbeing, including There’s a sense that the simple, portraying himself as having
gardening and cleaning. everyday tasks are key elements reached the summit of balance
“Weirdly, since lockdown, I of Will’s wellbeing toolkit, and and wellness.
get a lot out of looking after my with our chat taking place over Will’s ready to bust some
house, and I’m not actually the Zoom, it’s easy to see how settled commonly held myths about his
most clean person in terms of and grounded he is at home. profession, too. Having been in
my house – it’s not perfect!” he There’s absolute generosity the public eye for more than 20
laughs. “I do little and often in the way that he shares his years, he’s a household name.
cleaning, that’s my rule. I love experiences and our conversation As a singer, songwriter, actor,
nurturing my house, because it’s is peppered with reality checks author, and podcast host, he
an extension of me.” to ensure that he’s by no means remains in the media glare, too.

54 | Issue 62 | happiful.com

I needed to learn lessons growing
up though, I don’t think you can
fast forward through them
This is not, he insists, a source of
difficulty for him.
“It’s not tough, honestly,” Will
says on the subject. “If I got lost
in the fame side of things, or
that pressure… It’s not reality. It
would be so easy for me to say,
‘Oh the difficulty.’ We could have
a whole conversation about trolls
online and haters, but I don’t
even want to be involved in that
area of life! I don’t read anything
on social media, I don’t read
reviews. If there’s a problem,
people will tell me.
“That’s how I react to it,” he
offers. “From the very beginning,
I just saw it all as an illusion
and nonsense, so I wasn’t going
to make it a reason for my
difficulties in life. I’m very, very
fortunate. So I just navigate
getting away from the negative
stuff as much as possible.”
Growing older and more
comfortable in his own skin,
Will shares, is something he has
a deep appreciation of, and it
could be a contributing factor to
his ability to care less now about
what others say and think. He
knows who he is, what he stands
for, and he owns it.
“I love getting older, it’s so
brilliant. I’ll never forget, years
ago, Michael Gracey, a great
director and friend I worked
the next step
with, said to me, ‘The thing is,
cool is being yourself, so just be
yourself.’ I think I needed to learn
lessons growing up though, I
don’t think you can fast forward
through them.”
In addition to the experience
he’s gained over the years, the
work he’s done on himself and
the pursuit of his passions,
having dogs is a big part of Will’s
sense of being grounded. He has
two dogs – Esme and the gently My friends tell me they can’t
snoozing Domino, who came into watch them because they’re so
Will’s life last year. He rescued sad, but I say, ‘Look, they’re so
Domino and his sister Diamond, happy now!’ They get these dogs
who now lives with Will’s parents. and they’re so traumatised, but
Both were just hours away from then they enact these simple
being put down. acts of gaining trust, play, eating,
“I feel like it’s a miracle exercise, socialising, and you just
Domino’s here,” he explains. see the dogs transform. It never
“Everything aligned. I didn’t need fails to amaze me – and we can do
any more dogs, I wasn’t looking the same things for ourselves.”
to get any more dogs. Now we
go to the cafe everyday, he gets
chicken, that’s the deal, and
what’s so great is that I interact
with the world through him. I can
find mornings quite difficult – I
can wake up quite groggy and
anxious – so it’s a lovely safe way
of doing that. He’s almost like my
emotional support dog!
“He’s just so loving,” Will
continues, looking fondly at ‘Be Yourself and Happier: The A-Z
Domino. “And now I’m obsessed of Wellbeing’ by Will Young (Ebury
with videos about rescue dogs. Spotlight, £14.99) is out now.
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 55
Ask the experts
How can I feel more comfortable expressing myself?

Wellness and personal development coach Emma Humphrey

answers your questions on self-expression

Read more about Emma Humphrey on lifecoach-directory.org.uk

Q
Self-expression seems
to come naturally for
some, but less so for
others. Do you know
what may hold us
back from expressing
ourselves?
speak, our opinions, our clothes,
and how we show up in the
world. For people who find self-
expression challenging, more
time will be spent showing up
to impress or to people-please;
doing the things we think we
‘should’ be doing, rather than
what our heart really desires.
worth showing to the world.
Our upbringings will have had
a big influence; if your parents/
caregivers gave you messages
about being ‘too loud’ or ‘too
quiet’, you may still hold those
limiting beliefs. Over time, we
layer these messages to create
a box we feel unable to step

A Wholehearted self-
expression is synonymous
with living authentically; feeling
aligned with the words we
Low self-esteem can hold
us back as we are less self-
accepting, and don’t believe
outside of. Similarly, if you have
experienced previous rejections
in life, you may have a fear of
we are good at many things judgement holding you back.

Q
When it comes to
confidence and self-
expression, self-
acceptance can often
be the first step. Do you
have any tips to help
with self-acceptance?
would to a friend. Accept that it’s
not a quick and linear journey,
particularly if you have historically
been very unaccepting of yourself.
Writing a love letter to yourself
might sound like an odd and
difficult thing to do, but taking
10 minutes to set out all the
things you are proud of, and the
If you have negative self-
talk, recognise that your
thoughts are not facts,
just stories we are telling
ourselves. You can take those
thoughts to ‘court’ and ask,
‘What evidence do I have to
support this belief?’ and ‘How
old is that evidence?’ You

A Self-acceptance can be
hard, so it’s crucial to
approach it with self-compassion;
talking to yourself like you
attributes you admire in yourself,
is a great place to start, and will
give you something to reflect on
can choose to re-write your
narrative, replacing negative
thoughts by practising positive
and add to. affirmations and gratitude.

Life Coach Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need
 the next step

Emma’s top tips for self-

expression and confidence:

1. Recognise that we all have a

light inside of us that wants to
be seen – an innate sense of
who we are and what we love.
The world needs you and your
beautiful self-expression, just
as you are. You have so much
to give.

Q
Are there any tools or
techniques that can help
us get more comfortable
expressing ourselves?
2. Self-expression and
confidence feel more difficult
when you’re scared of making
a mistake. Empower yourself
Notice what gives you energy, by being prepared to be
and do more of it – write a list of vulnerable, and show up as
the people you see and the things you are – a perfectly imperfect
you do regularly. Consider which human.
ones fill your cup, and which drain

A Begin with open and honest

expression to yourself. A
journal can help explore your
feelings and the things most
important to you.
Take that first step outside of your
comfort zone and ask ‘What one
thing could I do today to live 5%
more authentically?’ Incremental
steps will help you to feel safe.
you. For those that drain you, how
can you create distance and start
making ‘no’ a comfortable part of
3. Accept that we are meant to
your vocabulary?
Think back to your childhood
– what did you love to do?
Rediscover this, and see how
it makes you feel. Don’t let the
safety of what you’re good at now
keep you restricted.
grow and change – how you
want to express yourself will
change time and time again,
and that’s OK. You do not have
to fit in any boxes, and you get
to choose how you show up in
this world and to pursue the
things you want in the way that
you want.

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 57
 How to talk about
baby loss
It can be hard to find the right
words, but it’s vital that we try

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

I
n the UK, one in four
pregnancies end in
miscarriage, and one in 250
babies are stillborn each year.
And, yet, it’s an experience that is
often hidden away, and is a topic
that many people struggle to talk
about openly.
“As a society, we are generally
very uncomfortable talking about
baby loss and miscarriage, likely
because it feels so wrong that
babies should die,” says Samantha
Phillis, a midwife and counsellor.
“We also do not have a word for
grieving parents in the English
language, yet we have a word for
losing a spouse (widow/widower)
and losing our parents (orphan).
This might reinforce our
discomfort about acknowledging
the loss of a child.”
With that in mind, it’s vital we
don’t hide from this difficult
reality, and that we step up to be
there for loved ones whose babies
have died. Here, Samantha offers
tips for finding the right words.
1. Ask how the parents are
feeling about the baby
“When a baby dies, many people
think that asking about the
baby, and how the parents are
feeling, will somehow trigger the
parents to be more upset,” says
Samantha.
Of course, the reality is that the
parents will already be thinking
about the baby, and Samantha
points out that trying to carry on
as usual, and not talking about
the baby, is the potentially more

58 | Issue 62 | happiful.com

You don’t need
to ‘fix’ the
situation, and
nothing can
be fixed
harmful route. She adds that the
parents will also likely feel relieved
to know that you are someone that
they can come talk about their
loss with, without the pressure of
maintaining small talk.
2. Use their baby’s name
“Many parents whose baby has
died have very few memories
with their baby, but the one
thing they will have is the name
they have chosen for them,”
Samantha explains. “Saying
their baby’s name reinforces
the acknowledgement that their
baby was real and remains an
important member of their
family, and their family’s story.”
You shouldn’t try to look past
the loss – it doesn’t make it any
smaller or any less painful, and
only further isolates the parents
with their grief.
3. Provide practical support
When it comes to offering
practical support, the key thing
is to take the lead. Comments
like, ‘Let me know if you need
something’ are well-meaning,
but offering to help with specifics
means that you’re taking the load
of asking off the person who
needs the help.
“Offer to make meals or
co-ordinate a dinner rota
(takethemameal.com is a handy
website). Offer to take some
laundry or do a shop,” Samantha
suggests. “If there are other
children around, offer to do the
school run, or take the children
out for the day. Also, be aware of
siblings and, depending on their
ages, be somebody the baby’s
siblings can come to as they can
sometimes feel overwhelmed
with grief, but not have the
language to express it.”
4. Provide a safe space
“Parents will be experiencing
many different feelings in the
early days after a baby dies,”
Samantha says. “They will likely
feel extreme sadness, anger,
guilt, and fear. If a baby has died
during pregnancy, the parents
may feel very apprehensive
and worried about the birth. By
acknowledging those feelings
and reminding parents there are
professionals who can reassure
and offer advice, you can help
validate and support those
feelings.”
5. You will not always
know what to say
“And that is OK,” Samantha says.
“Losing a baby is devastating and
forever changes the fabric of a
family. Sometimes there are no
wellbeing
words that need to be said. You
don’t need to ‘fix’ the situation,
and nothing can be fixed.”
Sometimes, struggling to find
the right words is the thing
that holds us back from saying
anything at all, and so letting go
of that pressure and leading with
compassion and authenticity
allows us to still be there, even
when we’re lost for words.
“Acknowledging to parents
that ‘I don’t know what to say’
is supportive in its own right,”
Samantha adds.
6. Take care of your
own mental health
As is always the case when
being there for others, it’s also
important to take note of your
own wellbeing.
“If you are close enough to a
family that you are supporting
them with their grief, you are
likely grieving the loss of the
baby yourself,” Samantha says.
“Find your support network,
and speak to friends who aren’t
connected to the family who can
provide a shoulder for you to cry
on. It may sound like a cliché,
but it’s true that you cannot pour
from an empty cup.”
Samantha Phillis is an individual and
relationship counsellor, a registered
midwife, and hypnobirthing
teacher. Find out more by visiting
counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 59
 TIME TO TALK
Feeling ready to reach out for support is a huge step, and one you
should be really proud of. So to help you find your voice, we’re sharing
five tips for getting the conversation started
Think about where and
when you want to talk
There’s never going to be a ‘perfect
moment’ to talk, so don’t let that
hesitation hold you back from
speaking up when you’re ready.
All you need is some time where
you’re unlikely to be interrupted,
so consider what situation might
be best for you. Being somewhere
familiar may be comforting, or you
might want to chat while engaging
in an activity so that there’s
something else to focus on and
fill any silences, such as having
dinner, driving, or walking.
The other consideration is that
you might want some downtime
after the conversation to process
everything, so timing wise it may
be better to avoid a chat on a lunch
break for example.
Rehearse the conversation
This could be speaking to yourself,
or writing down what you’d like to
cover. What are the key things you
want to express? Is there anything
you want to ask for specific help
60 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
Writing | Rebecca Thair
with? Is there anything you want
this person to be aware of? A little
planning ahead of time can enable
you to enter the conversation with
more confidence.
Could examples of how
you feel be useful?
For anyone who is unsure of how
best to express themselves and
what they’re going through, it
could be worth seeing if there
are any references that can assist
you. This might be a character in
a book, TV show, or film who is
experiencing something similar,
or perhaps a song lyric, or blog
online that really captures what
you want to express.
Conversation starters
When it comes to bringing the
conversation up on your own,
there’s no wrong or right way to
talk. If it helps to have a point
of reference, you could say
something like “I’ve been having
a hard time lately. Could I tell
you a bit about it?” Or “I’ve been
feeling [emotion(s)] for a while, do
you mind talking it through with
me?” Their response could help
you gauge how much you want to
share at that moment, and give
you comfort that they are ready
and willing to listen.
Try to be as honest as you can
Just think: you’ve come this far. As
scary and daunting as it can be,
you’ve taken those monumental
first steps, so continue to trust
yourself and share as much
as you’re comfortable with.
The friend or loved one you’re
speaking to may have some
questions as well, but don’t feel
obligated to answer everything if
you’re not ready to. But, where you
are, try to tell your truth.
If the conversation doesn’t go as
you hoped, don’t be disheartened.
This is an incredible first step, and
there are many other avenues of
support. You can speak to a GP, or
text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 any time for
confidential support.
 food & health

Understanding your
vaginal health
Whether it’s dealing with another yeast infection, feeling like you
constantly have UTIs, or trying to figure out what your discharge
means, understanding vaginal health is really important. Here, Jenna
Farmer chats to the experts to help you get the lowdown ‘down there’
Writing | Jenna Farmer

W
hatever you might
have read online
about vaginal
steaming or
douching (seriously, don’t do it!),
your vagina is pretty clever at
keeping itself healthy and clean
all by itself. However, many of
us find ourselves dealing with
common health issues, which,
while not usually serious, can
be really uncomfortable. About
75% of us are thought to have
had thrush – also called a yeast
infection – at least once in our
lifetime, and, by the age of 24,
nearly one third of females will
have had at least one episode
of cystitis, which affects our
bladder, but can also be linked to
our vaginal bacteria – more on
that in a moment.
These don’t just impact our
physical health, but our mental
health too. One study in the
journal Frontiers in Endocrinology
found psychological stress
was significantly related to
the prevalence of bacterial
vaginosis, a common condition
that causes unusual discharge.
Topics like vaginal discharge
and needing to urinate can also
increase our anxiety, worry, and
embarrassment about seeking
help or speaking about these
issues, meaning we might try
to self-treat without talking to
a professional. Another study
from Saint Louis University, in
Missouri, found that this can
cause real problems, with up to
three out of four women being
found to treat themselves for a
yeast infection that they didn’t
actually have.
It’s important to remember
that these are common, normal
complaints. Here, we’re chatting
to the experts to get their tips.
Vaginal discharge:
what’s normal?
Everybody gets vaginal
discharge, and it’s actually
a really good sign that your
body is working as it should.
This discharge is your vagina’s
way of naturally self-cleaning,
and the type and quantity of
discharge varies from person
to person; some people notice
it more at certain times of their
menstrual cycle, while others
may need to use pantyliners on
a daily basis.
Nearly all types of discharge
are perfectly normal, but if your
discharge is accompanied by an
unpleasant smell or a change in
its colour and texture, it could
be a sign of a yeast or bacterial
infection. The main thing to
watch out for is a ‘change’ – a
sign that something is out of the
ordinary for you personally. >>>

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 61

The main thing to watch
out for is a ‘change’ – a sign
that something is out of the
ordinary for you personally
62 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
How can you tackle yeast
and bacterial infections?
Yeast infections, or thrush as
we often call them, are really
common – in fact, some of us
may have the Candida bacteria
which causes yeast infections,
without any symptoms at all. If
you notice your discharge is of a
white, cottage-cheese like texture,
along with vaginal itching or
burning, chances are you’ll have
a yeast infection, which can be
caused by anything from being
run down to your contraceptive.
“Fungal yeast infections happen
when there is an overgrowth of
a yeast-like fungus that naturally
lives in the vagina,” explains Dr
Ellie Rayner, obstetrician and
gynaecologist, and founder of
The Maternity Collective. “The
fungi like warm, moist, and
airless parts of the body, which

is why the vagina is the most
common site of the infection.
An infection can occur when the
natural balance of the vagina is
upset, for example by a recent
course of antibiotics, having
diabetes, a weakened immune
system, or being pregnant.”
Bacterial vaginosis is often
diagnosed by a discharge that has
a strong fishy smell. Like yeast
infections, it isn’t serious, but
does require treatment.
Can you prevent these
common infections?
First of all, it could be worth
considering taking a probiotic.
“Maintaining beneficial bacteria
levels knocks out the pathogenic
yeasts, and can also keep them in
check,” says nutritional therapist
Sonal Shah. “Taking a high-
strength probiotic with beneficial
bacterial strains will help prevent
yeast infections, and also the
friendly yeast Saccharomyces
boulardii.”
While antibiotics are usually
the first line of defence with
bacterial vaginosis, probiotics
can also be useful if you find they
keep coming back, as studies
have shown both oral and vaginal
probiotics may reduce the rate of
recurrence.
Sonal also advises people to
consider their sugar intake.
“Cutting back on sugar –
especially refined sugars – helps
as sugar feeds more yeast and
disrupts the gut biome.”
However, if you keep getting
yeast infections, it’s time for a
trip to your GP. “They will usually
recommend sending a vaginal
swab to the laboratory for further
testing,” explains Dr Ellie Rayner.
“They may also recommend other
tests, such as a screen for sexually
transmitted infections, or an
ultrasound scan if your symptoms
still persist.”
What’s vaginitis and
how can we treat it?
Another common vaginal
condition is vaginitis, which often
accompanies things like thrush
and hormonal changes. Vaginitis is
the feeling of an itchy, sore vagina,
vaginal dryness, and pain when
urinating or having sex. Although
vaginitis is not usually serious,
because it has so many potential
causes it is worth having a chat
with your GP, who may be able
to prescribe common treatments
such as antifungals and vaginal
moisturisers.
What’s up with UTIs?
UTIs – an infection in any part of
the urinary tract – affect around
50% of women, and are a really
common reason for visiting your
GP. In fact, UTIs are the reason for
more than 13% of the antibiotics
GPs prescribe!
They’re usually caused by
bacteria entering the bladder, and
this is where our vaginal health
comes in; this can happen from
sex, or even the way we wipe
after going to the toilet. Studies
have shown that the bacteria in
our vagina can also be the culprit
for repeat UTIs. Plus, there are
certain times in a woman’s life
when they’re more susceptible to
UTI, such as during pregnancy or
menopause.
food & health
One potential treatment is
D-mannose, a type of sugar
which is thought to make it
more difficult for that annoying
bacteria to stick to your bladder.
You won’t find this sugar in
your average doughnut, but
results from studies have been
promising: one published in
BMJ Open found that taking a
D-mannose supplement for six
months reduced further UTI
incidences by 45%.
The classic cranberry might
also help, but steer clear of the
juice, says nutritional therapist
Sonal Shah. “I would not
recommend cranberry juice,
as most contain added sugars.
D-mannose is often found with a
cranberry supplement to remedy
UTIs like cystitis. Together, they
help prevent bacteria like E coli
from latching on to the bladder
cell’s wall.”
We hope it’s reassuring to read
that common infections are
nothing to be embarrassed about.
However, it’s always important
not to second guess when it
comes to your health, so make
an appointment to chat with
your GP if you think you could
be experiencing any of the issues
we’ve covered. Help is at hand.
Sonal Shah is a nutritional therapist,
health tutor, and director of Synergy
Nutrition. To find out more, visit
nutritionist-resource.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 63
 Just because my
path is different,
doesn't mean I'm lost
GERARD ABRAMS

Photography | Ben Tofan

64 | Issue XX | happiful.com

Talking
trash
Your ultimate guide to
composting for beginners
Writing | Rebecca Thair
C
ultivating your own
compost not only
benefits your garden
with a homegrown,
nutrient-rich mix, but ensures
you’re recycling as much
of your household waste as
possible. You want a good
balance of materials to ensure
your compost breaks down
effectively – roughly 25–50%
soft green waste, and the rest
from brown items.
Here, we’ll dig into the
specifics to help you craft the
perfect compost pile.
DO INCLUDE:
• Black and white newspaper
or plain paper.
• Green items, such as grass
clippings, young weeds, and
nettles without the root.
• Brown materials, like dead
leaves, cardboard, wood chips.
• Vegetable food scraps, such as
potato peels, coffee grounds,
and egg shells (the latter if they
are washed thoroughly first).
• Manure from cows or horses
can also be used.
DON’T INCLUDE:
• Coloured newspaper, magazines,
or brochures.
• Food scraps containing any
animal product, such as meat, fat,
or dairy.
• Weeds, such as dandelions or
thistle, or those with seed heads.
• Diseased garden waste, as this
could spread to the rest of your
plants when used.
• Dog poo, cat litter, or babies’
nappies.
• Plastics, glass, or metal.
TOP TIPS:
1. Too many ‘green’ items, which
typically contain a lot of water,
can make your compost pile
liquidy, so balance things out
with straw, or cardboard to add
some more dense structure.
2. Chop up items prior to adding
them to the pile, to help them
degrade more quickly.
3. ‘Turn the heap’ to aerate it,
which speeds up the composting
process as well – ideally you want
to do this every month. This helps
prevent your compost pile from
becoming too wet or compacted.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
4. If your pile is getting a bit
pungent, it’s likely that there’s
too much water involved, and
not enough air. Try adding
more of the brown waste to
help the balance of materials,
and turn it more frequently.
WHEN IS IT READY?
The end result should feel,
look, and smell like rich, earthy
soil. If you can still identify the
various items you’ve mixed into
the compost, that’s a sign it’s not
quite ready yet as not everything
has decomposed fully. Usually,
your compost pile will end up
about half the size of what you
added in originally, which can
serve as a helpful visual gauge.
When your pile does reach
that pinnacle of decomposition,
it’s ready to work its nutrient-
rich magic on your flower beds.
For the best results, spread the
compost across your garden
about two to four weeks before
you plan on planting anything
new, to allow it time to integrate
with the existing soil. Plant
perfection!
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 65
 How to feel
‘good enough’
The pressure of perfectionism; it’s palpable and unrelenting. But
rather than allowing this trait to undermine your achievements,
perhaps it’s time to accept that ‘good enough’ is best
S ome years ago, I was
at a seminar in which
one of the keynote
speakers was a chess
world champion, and winner
of a gold medal at the Chess
Olympiad. A master of strategy,
he gave a speech about the
similarities in chess and in
business.
“A beginner in chess will be
reactive to his opponent’s next
move,” he said. “And it is only
when you become experienced,
that you learn the game, and
begin to recognise the series
of events playing out in front
of you. You see patterns in the
play, you begin to understand
your opponent, and a
successful player will begin to
have not just their next move in
their mind, but likely a series of
potential options depending on
the opponent’s positioning of
their pieces.
“Those that master chess,
as in business and in life,” he
continued, “they see the whole
board.”
66 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
Writing | David Levy
It was a message delivered in
the context of the business world,
where skills of strategy and
planning are key, but it was also a
message that resonated with me
on a much deeper level, speaking
of the importance in stepping
back and seeing the context
in people’s words and actions,
what I sometimes now refer to
with clients as “seeing people in
3D” – about stepping out of the
immediacy of whatever problem
is being faced to try to have an
objective view.
For a moment, let us try to see
the ‘whole board’ of the world in
1971, a time when a number of
people reading this, including
myself, were not even born.
A generation raised by those
having experienced the traumas
of the second world war are
adults now, likely in their 30s
or 40s. They have lived through
the enormous cultural and civil
changes in the 1950s and 1960s,
and by 1971, part of that was a
rapidly moving understanding of
mental health.
A survivor of two world wars
and a former paediatrician, by
1971, Donald Winnicott had been
working as a psychoanalyst for
nearly 40 years. His 1971 book,
Playing and Reality, published
the same year as his death, was
one of the final acts of a seminal
character in the development of
psychoanalytic theory.
Much of Winnicott’s life
and work was focused on the
importance of environment in a
child’s life, likely formed by his
own experiences in an affluent
but troubled family, and his final
work included the concept of
the ‘good enough’ parent – the
importance of a nurturing, loving,
and understanding environment,
which also allowed for mis-
steps and mistakes, rather than
labouring under the pressure for
unachievable perfection.
To co-opt what Winnicott was
saying to those parents in 1971
in the broadest of terms: you
can’t get it 100% right 100% of
the time. But, if you do your best,
act responsively and sensitively,
 txhxex xnxexxxtx xs tx ex px

and accept the possibility of

error, you’ll be ‘good enough’ to
foster autonomy and an ability
to tolerate the highs and lows of
their lives to come.
I’m often asked if there are
themes to my work – subjects
that return in different forms
or factors, but are shared as a
commonality among the clients I
have seen. Some you may be able
to guess – anxiety, anger, sadness,
loss – but the corrosive condition
known as ‘perfectionism’ (or as
I try to frame it with my clients,
“impossible-ism”) and the
phrases “I could have/should
have…”, or “I could/should
be doing more…”, or that old
favourite “At this point in my
life…” has been a surprising
adversary against whom I THERE SEEMS TO BE A SILENT
regularly find myself faced.
EPIDEMIC OF IMPOSSIBLE-ISM;
There seems to be a silent
epidemic of impossible-ism; A CONDITION DESIGNED ONLY
a condition designed only to TO HIGHLIGHT THAT WHICH
highlight that which has neither
HAS NEITHER BEEN REACHED
been reached nor done, and one
of which the only cure is the NOR DONE, AND HAS YET TO BE
reaching some nebulous, infinite >>> REACHED BY ANYONE
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 67
68 | Issue 62 | happiful.com

concept which, to my knowledge,
has yet to be seen or reached by
anyone with this ultimately useless
affliction.
A healthy sense of a goal or an
aim can be a fine motivator, but an
unhealthy sense of perfectionism
(the variant I often encounter)
can be an inescapable journey to
unhappiness.
Perfectionism accentuates the
failures and does nothing to
acknowledge positives, offering 99
opportunities to fail in a world of
100 possible outcomes. Unable to
experience successes and living
in a world in which failure and
fault are an enduring narrative,
perfectionists often look to others
for approval and validation, often
setting a curiously low bar for
what they are willing to tolerate,
and creating a reliance that only
furthers their sense of insecurity.
Fortunately, I have the wisdom
of Donald Winnicott on which to
lean, and on the occasions I meet
with the perfectionist mind, I offer
a two-pronged response. First, I
tell them something they already
know: ‘perfect’ is impossible.
You can always try harder, work
longer, or do more. Second, I offer
something they may not have
considered: be ‘good enough’.
It was advice first given to me by
an old therapist of mine. Overly
stressed and anxious about a due
assignment, I was desperate to
excel and put myself under so
much pressure I had lost any sense
of perspective. My anxiety and
stress had escalated to the point
where it was no longer in a place
of any logic at all, and I regularly
found myself sitting down and
writing perfectly cogent sentences
and paragraphs, and then quickly
deleting them, swearing at myself
under my breath.
By the point of our discussion, I
was convinced that I was going to
fail, not because I didn’t know the
answers to the question posed, but
because I was lost in a place of only
being able to see where I could fall
short of an impossible pressure.
Explaining this in one of our
sessions, my therapist asked if I
thought I would be a significantly
better practitioner for scoring
100% on my assignment, or if it
was even possible. I replied that I
wouldn’t, and it probably wasn’t.
She asked if I could tolerate my
own imperfections? She called me
an egotist. The negotiations were
underway.
What internal forces drove that
sense of pressure was a topic
we would often return to, but
managing the symptoms of it
was the immediate task at hand,
and her guidance allowed me to
step back from the panic I was
feeling, and help me see that the
most important thing was just to
pass, not prove I was the smartest
person in the room. She asked
me to produce something that
was just ‘good enough’, and to stop
punishing myself as much as I
clearly was. I was able to see the
whole board.
I went home motivated anew,
and completed the assignment
that evening. I was later diagnosed
with ADHD (attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder), which
explained a lot but, in the
meantime, her words gave me a lot
of comfort and perspective.
My old therapist sadly passed
away a couple of years ago, and so
the next step
will never know how I think of
that moment in her counselling
room each time I remind my
clients that they’re good enough,
or when I reflect to them that their
perfectionist mindset only blinds
them to their achievements, even
if it falls short of their initial aim.
I am parroting her words when I
remind them their chastising of
themselves achieves nothing other
than making them feel worse.
When I see it resonate with my
clients, I see the same smile I saw
growing on her face; the look of
someone who has given another
the freedom to be human simply
by releasing the pressure valve.
She wasn’t perfect – we had an
argument which ran for nearly a
year after she insisted she didn’t
know who Road Runner and
Wile E Coyote were, and I should
explain the metaphor I was using
in more detail (she definitely did,
despite her protests, but never
caved, not even during our final
session when I asked her again
about it) – but she was more than
good enough.
And thanks in no small part to
her, there are more people in the
world who believe they are good
enough too.
David Levy is a counsellor and
writer working in private practice
in London and online, and with the
charity ADHD UK. To find out more,
visit counselling-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 69
 Photography: Will Young | Joseph Sinclair, Dr Radha | Ray Burmiston, Laura Brand | Jenny-May Finn
I am. I have
THE HAPPIFUL PODCAST

SHAHROO IZADI GRACE VICTORY

WILL YOUNG DR JULIE SMITH

DR MEGAN
RADHA MODGIL
CRABBE LAURA
FIONABRAND
LAMB

• Watch • Like • Subscribe •

Discover our podcasts, self-hypnosis sessions, meditations,
interviews and more at youtube.com/happiful

70 | Issue XX | happiful.com
 Happiful
reads...
From figuring out how to navigate life’s
ups and downs to learning to embrace
introversion, we share four books you
won’t want to miss this month
Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird
D
id you envision that
you would be in a
particular place in
your life by a certain
age? Or were you on the right
page until life threw you off
course? Like everyone, we’re
only human, so we tend to fear
when things go wrong because
we want to avoid feeling any
sort of discomfort or lack of
control. But what would happen
Must reads
The Switch by
Beth O’Leary
Out now
Ever wondered
what it would
be like to switch
lives with
someone? A grandmother
in search of love and a
granddaughter facing a
Book covers | Amazon.co.uk
sabbatical at work do exactly
that! Unfulfilled and in search
of new possibilities, they switch
lives as part of a journey to
understand themselves. But
will they find what they’re
looking for?
if we just embraced it? Perhaps
it’s time to look at our mishaps
as an opportunity to learn,
and grow through what we go
through...
This insightful read by
therapists Jodie Cariss and
Chance Marshall proactively
All on the Board
by All on the
Board
Out now
For the past
five years, daily
quotes and thoughts left on the
London Underground station
boards by TFL employees have
pulled at our heartstrings.
Now, the heart-warming duo
are continuing their mission to
spread love and happiness with
a book packed full of powerful,
inspirational content that will
brighten up your day. All aboard
to Waterstones!
How to Grow Through
What You Go Through
by Jodie Cariss &
Chance Marshall
Out now
equips you with the tools needed
to navigate the ups and downs of
life through techniques of mental
maintenance and confidence
building, so you can be the
resilient being that you are.
Quiet: The Power
of Introverts in a
World That Can’t
Stop Talking by
Susan Cain
Out now
Observant,
compassionate, sensitive: all
qualities that come with being
introverted, yet so often they can
be overlooked, or misjudged.
Bestselling author Susan
Cain challenges the societal
misconceptions of an introvert,
and helps us to recognise the
vast capabilities of this one
personality type.
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 71
 Seven steps to self-love 7
The most valuable relationship you have is the one with yourself, so
recognising the ways you can nurture it is vital. Here are seven arms of
self-love that come together to create a wholesome, and well-rounded,
connection with that person who’s been from day dot: you
Writing | Rebecca Thair

Self-awareness
Getting to know yourself, your
needs and values, as well as what
you want to work on, can be a
rejuvenating experience. A great
way to explore this is through
journaling (see p83), or by having
in-depth discussions with people
you trust about how they see you –
is there anything you can learn by
changing your perspective?
Self-expression
This is all about tuning-in to
your thoughts and emotions,
and finding an outlet for them.
This could be through a creative
pursuit, such as writing or
painting, or speaking up and
giving your feelings a voice.
Self-care
We all know the phrase: ‘You can’t
pour from an empty cup.’ And this
is what self-care is – replenishing
your own emotional, physical, and
mental energy reserves before
you can keep supporting others.
It’s taking time (whether a brief
moment, or a few hours) to do
something for yourself, whether
it’s 10 minutes to meditate, having
a call with a loved one, or an early
night. Find what works for you,
and refill your cup.
Self-trust
Know your own mind. You don’t
need to pretend to like something
to impress others or fit in with
the crowd. And if something
doesn’t feel right to you – whether
it’s a relationship that could be
turning toxic, or a job that doesn’t
feel fulfilling – trust your gut,
it’s probably trying to tell you
something that you need to look
into further.
Self-compassion
Adele has the right idea about
this one: “Go easy on me.” Tell
yourself this whenever that
inner critic crops up, or you’re
too tough on yourself. Forgive them to others and hope they
yourself when you aren’t perfect, stick. You have to be firm with
and let mistakes become lessons. them, too.
You’re doing the best you can,
and that’s more than enough. Self-acceptance
Feel at peace with who you are
Self-respect by practising gratitude each day.
Consider and enforce your You could work on an affirmation
personal boundaries. These are you repeat in the mirror, to serve
the rules that express your own as a reminder of your unique
needs and values, to yourself and values and qualities. When you
others. Do you want to go screen- can reach this place of accepting
free on Sundays, or not respond yourself as you truly are, you
to work emails out of hours? The give yourself the permission to
important thing to remember show up and live authentically.
is that for boundaries to be And believe me, you deserve that
followed, you can’t just express freedom.

72 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
 positive pointers

Permission to play
Laura Brand is on a magical mission to help us all embrace creativity
and welcome joy into our lives. Through her new book, The Joy Journal
for Grown-ups, she’s gifting us with permission to be curious and
play, in the most beautiful and nature-inspired ways

Writing | Lucy Donoughue

C
lose your eyes for a
moment, and think
back to when you were
a child. What type of
playful, creative activity did you
love? Now ask yourself: when
was the last time you did that as
an adult, and what is stopping
you from doing it now?
When I did this exercise, I
remembered picking up rose
petals from the garden and
storing them in a jar with water
to make ‘perfume’, building
elaborate sandcastles bedecked
in shells on the beach, and
creating a school holiday diary
covered in a Smash Hits poster,
crammed full of scribbles,
postcards, and pictures of day
trips and family visits.
Decades later, I know that the
rose petal perfume probably isn’t
worth pursuing, but seeking out
shells to appreciate their beauty,
keeping a diary, or drawing
pictures of moments that really
matter to me? They sound like
beautiful things to do.
Author and illustrator
Laura Brand is dedicated to
championing the benefits of
engaging in creative play like
this for people of all ages. Her
personal adoration of creativity
stems back to her childhood, and
playtime with her own children,
Mabel and Peggy, provided the
catalyst for curating and writing
two truly beautiful books on the
subject.
“When my daughter was born
I started to look for ways to
be a little bit more mindful in
parenthood, and in general
adulthood, so I started engaging
her with creativity and nature
– my passions,” Laura explains.
Their discoveries inspired The
Joy Journal for Magical Everyday
Play, the publication of which
prompted heartwarming reader
feedback.
“I had so many messages,”
Laura beams. “From lovely
parents, or the aunts, uncles,
and grandparents in some cases,
who said that getting outside with
the children, using a little bit of
imagination, and being permitted
to play in a way that’s a bit slap-
dash, with an emphasis on ‘have
a go’, brought about feelings of
nostalgia and a feeling of being
nurtured.”
These comments inspired
Laura to develop her new book,
written for adults: The Joy Journal
for Grown-ups: 50 homemade
craft ideas to inspire creativity
and connection. She focused on
activities that she loved or wanted
to learn, such as candle and soap
making, creating wreaths for any
occasion, and experimenting
with painted glass – all beautiful,
ways to slow down, find our
flow, and welcome in some joy.
Because, as she explains, that’s a
really great thing for grown-ups
to do, too.
“We are still allowed, in
adulthood, to play. It’s quite hard
to remember and do that, and to
feel like we’re making the most
of our time. The idea is to invite
people to try to get into a creative >>>

happiful.com | Issue 62 | 73
 mode and play, and for it not to
necessarily result in these big
final products or projects, but just
to have a go.”

It’s about being a

joyful beginner. Being
in a place of joy and
open to the fact that
you’ve never done
something before,
and it might go
wrong. That’s all OK

Photography | Jenny-May Finn

At the heart of Laura’s latest
work, is the gentle promotion
of a phrase that she heard and
instantly loved. “It’s about being
a joyful beginner,” she shares.
“Being in a place of joy and open
to the fact that you’ve never done
something before, and it might go
wrong. That’s all OK.”
Laura’s approach is a long way
from the hustle culture or toxic
productivity we can be susceptible
to, where every new skill needs a child to make something, but noticing any frustration around
to be capitalised upon, shared you don’t necessarily have an creativity and continuing, could
online, or constantly worked at end product in mind. It’s more be a good thing. “Surrender to it,”
to exceed our own and other’s the idea of what state they’re in Laura suggests. “If you feel like
expectations. Making time to when they’re doing it. It’s about you’re not good at what you’re
create purely for the joy and the whether they are enjoying the doing and it’s causing stuff to
experience itself, is the only ask. play, and if they’re not, then you come up for you, then you might
“In early-years learning, this let it go.” have to push through – that
type of creativity is often called For adults who struggle with process is important. It’s fine that
‘process art’,” Laura explains. perfectionism or the need to you might not be holding up a
“When you invite and encourage excel at something, however, Picasso at the end!”

74 | Issue 62 | happiful.com

Laura Brand’s soy wax melts*
This is a brilliant way of
repurposing candle ends, and it
is also really simple and effective
if making fresh with wax beads.
I have chosen to use soy wax
as it burns with less scent than
beeswax and is much easier to
clean up, but you can substitute
this with the same measurements
of beeswax if you want to.
What you will need
Makes 12 small melts
• Heat proof mixing bowl
• Saucepan
• 5 tbsp soy wax pellets (or ends
of candles)
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• 1 tsp essential oil (or try more
than one scent)
• Silicone ice cube or baking tray
(ones with small holes are best
for this)
• Measuring jug
• Jam jar with lid (sterilised
and dry)
• Optional: 1 tsp dried flowers
Method
• Set up a bain-marie by setting
a heat proof mixing bowl on
top of a small saucepan of
water. Make sure the base of
the bowl doesn’t touch the
water. Turn the heat on to get
a rolling boil and then add the
wax pellets or candle ends to
the mixing bowl to melt. If
you want to stir use a metal or
plastic spoon, otherwise just
leave it to melt.
• Once the wax has melted,
add the coconut oil and stir.
If you are using one scent,
put the essential oil in now
and stir again. If you want to
use a variety of scents, put a
drop of essential oil into each
hole of your silicone mould.
You can add dried flowers at
this point if you want, which
looks incredibly pretty but
won’t necessarily give off a
scent unless they are highly
perfumed rose petals or similar.
• Carefully pour your melted
wax into the measuring jug
as the spout will help you
distribute the wax between
the moulds. The wax will
solidify very quickly, so after
transferring into the moulds
they will be ready in 5 minutes.
• They will melt more slowly in
your burner if you let them
settle for 24 hours before
using, so pop them out of the
moulds and into a jar to keep
or give as a gift!
• If you are pregnant, please
only use essential oils if you
have checked their suitability.
How you can use this
I use my wax melts in a ceramic
oil burner. I pop the shapes
into the top well and light the
candle, which will slowly melt
the wax and diffuse the scent
into the room. When I put the
candle out, or if it burns out,
the wax will harden and you
can continue to use that the
next time you are looking to add
fragrance to your space.
When you want to clean out
the diffuser, you can wait until
positive pointers
it reaches the end of the wax
and, while still warm, wipe with
kitchen roll. Soy wax comes
away easily with soapy water.
Otherwise, pour boiling water in
to soften the wax and catch the
wax beads which will form on the
surface with a piece of kitchen
roll and dispose of the water.
Why I love it
These wax melts seem to make
the scent in an oil burner go
further and using soy wax
means it cleans really easily.
They also look good enough to
eat in their sweet, small shapes
and can be popped into a clean
lidded jar to make a thoughtful
homemade gift.
Making it your own
You can add dried botanicals
to the wax melts, and because
they aren’t in direct contact with
a flame, they will heat with the
molten wax. Lavender has a
relaxing aroma and looks very
beautiful.
*Extract from ‘The Joy Journal for
Grown-ups: 50 homemade craft
ideas to inspire creativity and
connection’ by Laura Brand (bluebird
books for life, £16.99), out now.
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 75
 How to
slow down time

The older we get, the faster the years pass,

but what if there was a way to slow things
down and savour every moment?
Writing | Kat Nicholls Illustrating | Rosan Magar

D
o you remember how
long the summer
holidays felt when
you were a kid? Weeks
stretched out like aeons, and the
next school year was but a distant
dream. As we grow up, those
weeks seem to shrink. Suddenly,
we find ourselves in disbelief –
not quite sure how another year
has passed.
Time is a tricky thing, and our
perception of it can stretch and
shrink. When we’re
young, we haven’t
got many years
under our belts, so
it tracks that years feel longer
(for a 10-year-old, one year is
10% of their life). Children are
also developing, soaking up new
information and growing. They’re
having more new experiences,
and creating formative memories.
As adults, one year feels like
a blink of an eye compared to
the number of years we’ve been
around. We have far fewer new
experiences, and tend not to be
learning and growing at such a
rapid pace. Days become more
formulaic and predictable, making
them seamlessly blend together.
After all, our brains can only hold
onto a certain amount of
memories, so unless we
do something out of the
ordinary, we’re likely to let go of the
same-y ones.
Now we understand why time
rushes past as we age, what can we
do to slow our perception of time?
1. Inject some new experiences
Routine and sameness makes
the days whizz by, so try to
incorporate spontaneity into your
life. Taking trips to explore new
places, learning a new skill, and
connecting with new people are
all brilliant ways to do this, but
it can be as simple as finding a
different lunchtime walking route,

76 | Issue XX | happiful.com

or changing up where you’re
working from.
Tap into your inner child and
see the world through their
lens. Ask ‘Why?’ more often,
say yes even when it scares you,
and follow the threads of your
curiosity – see where you end up.
2. Pay attention
and savour more
An easy way to hit the pause
button in your daily life is to be
more mindful and pay attention.
This may be noticing the
gorgeous light streaming through
the window, taking a minute to
relish your morning coffee, or
even being fully present during a
conversation.
Savouring is about really
enjoying and taking in every
detail of something. This may
look like going for a walk and
focusing on the way the sunshine
feels on your skin, or taking
pictures of the flowers you pass.
Try engaging all your senses and
notice what you see, hear, smell,
taste, and feel. When we stop to
pay attention, we pull ourselves
out of auto-pilot, and plant
ourselves in the present.
3. Start single-tasking
When we try to do many things
at once, our attention flits
around like a butterfly which,
The bad news
is time flies. The
good news is
you’re the pilot
understandably, can make it
feel as if time’s going by faster.
Single-tasking encourages us
to focus on one thing at a time
which, as well as improving
productivity, can help us slow
down the perception of time.
So, next time you have a task
to do, shut out any distractions
and focus on that, and only that.
4. Carve out
some white space
The more we stuff our time
with to-dos, the more our
days feel rushed. We slip into
reactive mode, and lack a sense
of spaciousness. One way to
change this is to intentionally
carve out white space, i.e. space
to do nothing. Space to stare
at the clouds, to just listen to
music, to daydream.
positive pointers
When we do this, we stimulate
the default mode network in our
brain. This acts like a factory reset,
helping you to recognise how
you’re feeling and where you’re ‘at’.
5. Start a reflective practice
Finding a way to reflect on your
days is a wonderful way to capture
the passing of time, and give it the
weight of significance it deserves.
You may want to try journaling,
drawing, scrapbooking, or even
just chatting about your day with a
loved one.
Here are some reflective
prompts to get you started:
• What felt good today?
• What small moment do you
want to remember about today?
• What excited you most today?
Hopefully these ideas will
help you slow things down and
embrace the day-to-day because,
as motivational speaker Michael
Altshuler said, “The bad news is
time flies. The good news is you’re
the pilot.”
If you want to thrive, not just
survive, you may find it helpful
to chat with a coach. Learn more
at lifecoach-directory.org.uk
happiful.com | Issue XX | 77
 Often what feels like the
end of the world is really
a challenging pathway
to a far better place
KAREN SALMANSOHN

Photography | ikidhimase
78 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
 The solution to your
burnt-out brain:
yoga nidra
Are you finding it hard to focus, or even to string a coherent
sentence together? When burnout hits, the secret to de-stress
could be found in this ancient yoga practice
I
s your brain feeling fried?
Have your thoughts checked
out – or worse still, are they
spinning endlessly, and you can’t
turn them off? Maybe you can’t
get to sleep, or you’re nodding off
in meetings, or waking up in the
middle of the night totally wired?
If you know, you know; all these
unpleasant experiences are signs
of burnout, and it can feel like
a desperate situation – maybe
on a bad day you can even smell
the smoke from your over-fired
nervous system?
Thankfully there’s a balm that
offers the perfect solution to
quieten your burnt-out brain:
the yoga of sleep. Yes, yoga nidra
literally means the ‘sleep of the
yogis’. And it’s probably not what
you’re expecting…
What is yoga nidra?
When you think of yoga, you
might conjure up images of
Writing | Uma Dinsmore-Tuli
sweaty contortions to improve
flexibility – but yoga has so
many other important elements
and benefits. Yoga nidra is an
ancient form of yoga that helps
you relax and hover on the
threshold of sleep – effectively it’s
a meditation on the moment of
falling asleep. And it’s the perfect
potent balm for your burnt-out
brain. Yoga nidra has the effect
of reducing stress so you can
sleep better, and it can boost your
creativity. It’s so simple that you
can easily practise at home.
This restful yoga requires no
physical movement whatsoever.
Instead, you listen, and are
skillfully talked into the fringes of
sleep. Hovering there, you often
drop off. It’s the perfect antidote
for burnout: horizontal yoga
under your blanket or duvet.
So how does it work? All
you do is rest for around 20
minutes, listening to a yoga nidra
recording, as your body and mind
naturally restore themselves
to balance and quiet. You don’t
even need to pay any particular
attention, just be there and hear
the voice. And rest, very deeply.
Where did yoga
nidra originate?
This nurturing and healing
practice is the fastest-growing
form of yoga in the world, and
it originates in ancient India.
The special state of yoga nidra
– the ‘yogic sleep’ – is described
in many ancient South Asian
epic poems. Yoga Nidra Shakti
herself even shows up as a
super-powerful goddess in an
ancient hymn to the triumph of
the Great Divine Mother – she
sends Vishnu, the sustainer of the
known universe, into such a deep
sleep that no one else can wake
him up. Yes, yoga nidra is that
powerful. >>>
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 79
 How does yoga
nidra work?
The truly wonderful thing
about yoga nidra is that pretty
much anyone can do it – it’s
completely accessible. Anyone
who has ever fallen asleep can
practice yoga nidra because
it is a conscious meditation
upon the very natural process
of falling asleep. All you need
to do is to lie down and listen;
notice what happens and be
with just that. The more you
practise yoga nidra, the more
easily you can cultivate the
capacity to drop off anytime
you need. And when you wake
up – bingo! The burnt-out
brain feels restored, even if
80 | Issue 62 | happiful.com
you have only been resting for
20 minutes.
How does the magic happen?
Neurologically speaking, what
It’s a
is actually going on inside your
head during yoga nidra is a
meditation
gradual settling of electrical
activity in the brain. As you rest,
on the
your brain waves cycle down
from high-stress top levels of
moment
beta (extreme anxiety), through of falling
restful reveries of alpha waves,
and down into dreamy states asleep
of theta waves, until you may,
quite likely, come to rest for a you don’t need to move a muscle
while in delta waves of deepest to do it. This is one of the most
sleep, where vital repair and accessible, simple, and effective
restoration happens. of all yoga practices. All you need
It will take you about 15 or 20 is a space to lie down and listen.
minutes a day to practise, and That’s it.
Try yoga nidra for yourself
It couldn’t be easier. There are
three simple steps to taste yoga
nidra at home or work right now:
1. Build your ‘nidra nest’ and
settle in
2. Choose your recording
3. Lie down, listen, and rest
Build your nidra nest
It’s worth taking time to get
settled. You’ll get better quality
rest if you make a comfortable
nest in which to practise yoga
nidra. The minimal equipment
required is a mat or rug (or sofa
or bed), a pillow, and enough
covers to keep warm, because
body temperature tends to drop
rapidly during practice. And
that’s it. If your intention is to
fall asleep, then the best place to
practise is in your bed, because if
you do drop off you can continue
to sleep soundly.
Choose your recording
carefully
This is where you need to get a
bit picky. There are thousands
of ‘yoga nidra’ recordings on the
world wide web of wonders and
terrors. A lot of them are random
folk reading scripts they found
in a yoga book – sometimes you
can hear them turning the pages
– and others may sound stressed
themselves.
And then – here’s a paradox
– even if you have found a
recording with a voice you like,
and it feels relaxing, some yoga
nidra recordings conclude with
a cheerful announcement telling
you it’s time to rise and shine.
Clearly, this is not what you want
in the wee small hours when you
have finally got your frazzled
brain to let you drop off.
What is actually
going on inside
your head during
yoga nidra is a
gradual settling
of electrical
activity in the
brain
If you want yoga nidra to help
you get to sleep and stay asleep,
it’s vital to choose a recording
that is not going to wake you up
at the end. So pick one specially
for the purposes of helping
you sleep – like the ones by the
ex-insomniac hypnotherapist
Nirlipta Tuli, co-founder of the
Yoga Nidra Network. Nirlipta’s
deep bass-baritone voice and
soporific nidra style have led him
to be known as ‘The Barry White
of yoga nidra’.
On the other hand – if you
want a 20-minute antidote to the
afternoon slump, then choose
a nidra that’s designed to boost
your creativity, and help you
awaken full of bright ideas, raring
to go. Thankfully, many top-
quality yoga nidra recordings,
specially designed for these very
different purposes, are in my
book, Yoga Nidrā Made Easy.
So, why not give yoga nidra a go
for yourself? Settle in for some
sound slumber, and give your
burnt-out brain a rest.
‘Yoga Nidrā Made Easy: Deep
Relaxation Practices to Improve
Sleep, Relieve Stress and Boost
Energy and Creativity’ by Uma
Dinsmore-Tuli and Nirlipta Tuli (Hay
House, £10.99) is out now.
happiful.com | Issue 62 | 81
Reclaim your story
Healing requires time, but with it you can take back control over the narrative

Follow the dreams

y o u w e re m a d e t o d o ub t

Compliment yourself
on something you
used to criticise
Make new memories
in places you
wanted to forget

Nurture the skills

you were told you
Speak your mind on could never have
subjects where you were
previously silenced

Al l o w y o u rs e l f t o t r y ,
without the fear of failure
 Emotions
“The best and most beautiful things in the
world cannot be seen or even touched. They
must be felt with the heart” – Helen Keller
To bee or not to bee?
________
While our feelings and reactions to situations are as
unique as we are, it’s rare for us to really pause to take
stock of them. Whether it’s a fleeting response, or an
emotion that lingers on under the surface following an
event, we don’t usually take time to consider why we
feel like this, or what the ripple effects might be.

We might gloss over the positives, and just enjoy the

moment at face value, or try to distract ourselves from
the frustrations and disappointments, but there’s so
much to be learned from homing in on both.

No emotion is inherently ‘bad’; every feeling serves a Anxious

purpose, whether that’s trying to protect you from harm,
flagging when you need a breather, or reminding you
of the people and moments you cherish most. We can’t
appreciate one without the other –
with the sweetness comes the sting.

It’s time to break free from the Sad

hive mind and humdrum
reactions, and instead,
join the buzz about our
emotions.

Can you feel it?

Fill in your immediate ________
reactions when you consider
each emotion – it could be a
colour that you associate with
it, a person, a memory, a smell, a
physical sensation. This is a safe
space to really tune-in to what
each feeling means to you.
Curious

Joyful
Truth bee told…
Using the following prompts, get up close and personal with
your feelings; try to be as raw and honest as you can. There’s no
judgement here, simply a chance to understand yourself better.

Focus on one particular emotion that you’ve been feeling recently:

How does it present itself in you?

What might this emotion be telling you?

How can this be a useful or learning experience?

One thing I wish I could change right now is… I sometimes struggle
to express…

If I knew I could not fail, I would…

What have I been

trying to avoid?
The moment I felt most content in life was…

What scares me most is… One thing I want to work on is…

I feel safest when…

What’s the buzz
Using the key, shade in your changing
moods throughout the month. Can –15– –26–
you spot a pattern emerging?

Rested Drained –9– –21–

Content Angry

Inspired Stressed
–16– –27–
Ambitious Nervous

Excited Unhappy
–10– –22–

–5– –17– –28–

–1– –11– –23–

–6– –18– –29–

–2– –12– –24–

–7– –19– –30–

–3– –13– –25–

–8– –20– –31–

–4– –14–
On the trigger
From working through the journaling prompts, along
with tracking your mood, can you determine a pattern
when it comes to cause and effect with your emotions?
Being able to recognise your triggers enables you to
understand how to either avoid certain ones where
possible, or prepare for how to manage situations, to
protect yourself and your energy.

Date Event

How did you feel? Describe the situation. Can you recognise the trigger?

What could help you in future?

Date Event

How did you feel? Describe the situation. Can you recognise the trigger?

What could help you in future?

Things to remember…
When times are tough, our own words of encouragement can remind
us of how strong we truly are. Complete each space with an emotive
sentiment, to bolster your resilience when you next need it most.

EXAMPLE: No one is invincible. It’s OK to ask for help

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