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LOVE
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How your
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Your dreams
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● How to deal
with grief INTERVIEW
● Train yourself
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● Say goodbye to
perfectionism Kruger
On anxiety,
grief, freedom
and new horizons

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 CONTRIBUTORS

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 EDITOR’S LETTER

Suzy Walker
Editor-in-Chief, with Oscar
the office dog

Whatever space you are craving to create FR ERE

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 I’d like to thank you for teaching me what
is important in life. You never cared about
presents or holidays; just a meal at the local
carvery would make you happy. When I was at
uni, you would drive all the way to Nottingham to
PHOTO COMPETITION pick me up and wait hours while I packed. You’d
even find the time to take my housemates out
for a meal and make sure we’d eaten properly.
There was no car journey too long or too short.
When I had a boring Saturday job as a
teenager, you’d come and meet me for lunch. It
always cheered me up to see you waiting at the
end of the street. You even taught me to drive,
which was the only time I ever saw you stressed!
It was holding your hand that I learned
the best things in life really are free. I try to
remember this when I’m fretting about money,
because it never mattered to you. It has now
come to be the phrase I say to myself when
I need to get some perspective.

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Be
to yourself

Find your own balance

with a little help from Truvia®
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Life is sweet
 “toThe purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience
the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear
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see psychologies.co.uk/win-lonely-
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 71%
OUR KINDNESS PROJECT

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 LEAP INTO LAUGHTER

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IT, GIRL!
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 LESSONS IN ADULTHOOD

Table for one, please

Harriet Minter goes on a romantic date with herself and discovers
that loving oneself is just as important as loving others

A
few years ago, I was flicking through the you want to do might find you waiting for a long
‘must watch’ section on Netflix and I came time. So, go and see that show you’ve been reading
across RuPaul’s Drag Race. I instantly fell in all the reviews about, book that holiday and take
love with it. I adored the sentiment with which RuPaul yourself for a romantic walk along the beach.
closed every episode: ‘If you don’t love yourself, how The only point where this gets tricky is dinner by
the hell you gonna love somebody else?’ There is so yourself. I’m not going to lie, that one takes courage.
much wisdom in that sentence; the understanding that But, once you’ve done it a few times, you’ll be away.
we can’t validate ourselves through others’ validation Take a pen and a notepad so you have something to
of us and the understanding that loving someone else do while you’re waiting, or get a seat at the bar and
starts first with loving yourself. As someone who’s order the most delicious things on the menu.
been single most of her life, I thought I was good at After all, when we take the time to invest in and
loving myself, but it took some RuPaul wisdom to love ourselves, what we’re really doing is making
see that, while I liked myself, my own relationship our own company the best company to be in, and
hadn’t gone beyond the ‘casually dating’ stage. who wouldn’t want to join in with that?
This is what I’ve learned about loving yourself For weekly wisdom from Harriet, sign up for her newsletter at tinyletter.com/
harrietminter. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @harrietminter
first. Think about how you’d like someone else to
treat you and go from there. If I asked you to write
a long list of what you wanted from an ideal partner,
you’d probably be able to come up with a fair few
things. While you might not be able to be your own
version of tall, dark and handsome, you can be kind
to yourself, you can make yourself laugh and you can
sit down with a journal before bed and ask yourself
how your day has been. See this time and space to
take care of yourself as a gift, and appreciate it in
that way. In essence, spend the time you’re alone
taking care of yourself in the way you wish someone
else would. That way, when they do turn up, they’ll
know from the outset what is expected from them.
I also cannot recommend dating yourself highly
enough. One of the wisest women I know, my
godmother, once told me that the ability to go to
the cinema by yourself was a gift, and she was right.
Sitting around waiting for someone to do the things
 ‘I loved this beautiful book.
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Divorced father of three (quite frankly, baffling) children
Recent victim of an (incredibly dramatic)
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He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s about to

embark on the trip of a lifetime

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interview
Diane Kruger
“I want to create
stories not only for
myself but also for
other women”
Award-winning actress Diane Kruger talks about taking
creative risks, what drives her and her new role as a producer
PHOTOGRAPH MARK LEIBOWITZ/ACTION PRESS/LICKERISH
D
iane Kruger has established herself
as an accomplished actress in both
the US (The Bridge, Inglourious
Basterds, Unknown and National
Treasure), and Europe (Farewell, My Queen, and
Joyeux Noel) and last year Kruger collected the
best actress prize at the Cannes Film Festival
for her bravura performance as a woman whose
husband and son are killed in a right-wing
terrorist attack in In The Fade.
Directed by German-Turkish film-maker
Fatih Akin, In The Fade is the first project she’s
tackled in her native German language, but it
came at a difficult time for Kruger – she had just
ended her 10-year relationship with Canadian
actor Joshua Jackson (The Affair) and was
grieving the deaths of two family members.
20 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M A R C H 2 0 1 9
 ‘It was gratifying that the film gained a lot of
recognition,’ says Kruger. ‘Shooting In The Fade
[released in 2017] was particularly difficult for
me. I had lost my grandmother and stepfather
the same year I separated from my partner, with
whom I had spent 10 years. Making the film was
stressful from an emotional point of view
because, while I plunged myself into the pain
and tragedy that my character faced, I was
reliving my own mourning and confronting my
own mortality.’
 Happily, Kruger has found love again with
actor Norman Reedus (The Walking Dead). The
couple live together in New York and celebrated
the birth of Kruger’s first child in November last
year. Motherhood has come at a whirlwind time
professionally, when the actress can be >>>
The interview
 drama

Playing spy Bridget von Hammersmark with Michael With Catherine Deneuve in French thriller
Inglourious Basterds Sépare
 “because
I went to the woods
I wished to live
deliberately, to front only
the essential facts of life,
and see if I could not learn
what it had to teach, and not,
when I came to die, discover
that I had not lived
HENRY DAVID THOREAU ”
M A R C H 2 0 1 9 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 25
 Bittersweet
When Joanna Clarke’s husband lost his job, she
harboured vengeful thoughts over their bad luck. She
knew she had to overcome her bitterness, but how?
T
he words my husband used to tell
me that he had lost his job escape me.
That moment, and the hours that
followed, are a blur of shock and
panic. What I remember is realising, months
later, that this unexpected detour had turned
me into what no one wants to be: a bitter person.
I first felt bitterness as a shocking,
overwhelming urge – while setting the
table for dinner – to wreak revenge on my
husband’s former employer for throwing our
lives into disarray. My husband had given
himself vocationally to the organisation for a
decade, and we had moved to a new country
so he could take the job. We had oriented our
lives around the place and, although work
phone calls were a constant soundtrack to
our lives, we were truly grateful that he had
meaningful work to sustain us raising our
family in such a beautiful part of the world.
Leaving our home and friends had been an
enormous wrench, but it seemed worth it. We
felt as if we were part of a community, and
we made wonderful friends all over the world
through his job. Promotion to a senior
leadership role was my husband’s most recent
reward – something he had worked so hard
for – but suddenly everything changed.
26 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M A R C H 2 0 1 9
His redundancy hadn’t come as a complete
surprise. It was an awful conclusion to months
of instability, yet it felt like an act of devastating
disloyalty. It seemed we had uprooted our lives
for an association that had tossed us aside.
People I had thought of as friends had, to my
mind, acted as complicit bystanders while
my husband walked the plank.
Stuck record of resentment
We threw ourselves into positive thinking,
trying to see the opportunities in this
unexpected life shift. A tidal wave of
supportive and encouraging comments from
scores of my husband’s former colleagues and
associates helped but, as the weeks passed,
reality set in. Making ends meet as a family
of five on my income as a freelance journalist
began to feel less like an exciting adventure
and more like unbearable pressure.
I soon learned that bitterness is a
progressive disease. I began experiencing
fiery, intrusive thoughts that quickly spiralled
into feelings of self-pity. Eventually, bitterness
seemed to leak out of me with every step.
I pictured it leaving a trail of poisonous slime
wherever I went, and started to tire of the
sound of my own voice bemoaning our lot.
psychology
 “paying
I feel I’m the one
the price for
unfair decisions…
But acting out of
bitterness is like
swallowing poison “
and expecting the
other person to die
Breach of faith

A better man than me

Therapist Carolyn Cowan recommends this cleansing burning
ritual for putting a symbolic, and then real, end to bitterness

with loved ones

the words and burn and discuss
sentences associated the papers safely, one positive ways to move
with how the relevant by one, as you say: forward. Sharing your
situation makes you ‘I hereby let go of ritual, as long as you
feel, for example: I feel this hurt and all the feel comfortable doing
unseen; I am unheard; negative feelings so, can enhance its sense
I am angry; I am hurt. associated with it.’ of ceremonial gravitas.

Who said life was fair?

 “ If you’re
willing to commit
and work hard,
you can achieve
anything ”
For Nina and Bharat Chudasama, their British-Indian
heritage inspired them to launch a business
celebrating the two cultures’ love of tea
WORDS DANIELLE WOODWARD PHOTOGR APHS LEANNE BR ACEY
“Britain is a land of hope where, if you work hard, you can
reap the glory – a roof over your head,food on the table and
a happy, healthy family. Tea just makes it even better”
Coming together for a cuppa
A superior, sustainable sip
Tea and sympathy
 an unchangeable fact of living. Every individual has

Grieving is unique to an individual

 Bestselling author and UKCP-registered
psychotherapist, Julia Samuel, speaks
about coping with loss and how we can support
and nurture those close to us who are grieving

LISTEN TO THE TALKING THERAPIES PODCAST

Listen to Sarah Niblock talk to Julia Samuel about

Avoiding the ‘what ifs’ how to deal with grief at psychologies.co.uk/
how-can-i-move-grief-podcast-ukcp

The UKCP To find the right therapist,

Listen
now
Monday Motivator with Psychologies
Editor-in-Chief Suzy Walker.
Agony aunt Mary Fenwick answers
your most pressing questions live.
Clown-in-residence Emma Stroud explores
how to be your most confident self.
Expert Pete Cohen coaches you on the
truth about self-sabotage and how to
improve your relationship with yourself.
Salma Shah on
how to spot if you’re unconsciously
self-sabotaging your career.
David Hamilton
explains how kindness boosts confidence.
Lucy Griffiths’ steps
towards getting a promotion and pay rise.
Tania Diggory
examines letting go of negative thinking.
Adventurer Alice
Morrison is a month into her Indiana
Jones-style expedition, trekking 1,100km
along Morocco’s Draa River, with camels,
to investigate the effects of desertification
on one of the oldest inhabited areas of
the planet. She reflects on going back
to basics and living a more physical life.
Tiu de Haan’s rituals
to finding the path to professional purpose.
LIFE LEAP PODCASTS Editor-at-Large, about
keeping love alive, forging
a deeper connection and
Editor- how the irritating things
in-Chief of Psychologies, your partner does are
in conversation with actually important signals
award-winning coach you should not ignore. They
Kim Morgan about how also address how to keep
to be more courageous, so infidelity at bay.
you can create the life you
really want – without the marital therapist, chats
fear of failure, disapproval, to Ali Roff about nurturing
social exposure or decision- an everlasting love. Topics
making holding you back. include why arguing is
couples actually a positive thing in
coach and founder of a relationship, how to bicker
Naked Hedgehogs, in well and an interesting
discussion with Ali Roff, equation for affairs.
UKCP TALKING THERAPIES PODCAST
According to Child Bereavement UK, in 2016, 10,061 babies,
children and young people under the age of 25 died in the UK and
a parent of a child under 18 died every 22 minutes. A YouGov
survey that year found that 22 per cent of employed adults who
lost a close family member said they did not feel supported by
their employer. In this podcast, UKCP psychotherapist and grief
expert Julia Samuel speaks to Sarah Niblock, the CEO of the
UKCP, to uncover how we can recognise grief and move on from it.
diary
“ You made me feel comfortable
“
enough to expose my deepest wounds

Daily reminders
“I wasn’t sure therapy “
would work, but at least “ You were my
first love after my
“
we could say we’d tried marriage broke up

Journey of discovery

Softening the edges

 Join the Online Yoga Movement:
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good thoughts

46 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M A R C H 2 0 1 9
“ GO WHERE YOU FEEL MOST ALIVE ”
UNKNOWN
 Simon Hague is a coach who specialises in leadership
and personal breakthrough at Wheresmylunch
Limited. He helps people find their ‘wow!’ moment

BAREFOOT COACHING
Psychologies’ partnership
with Barefoot Coaching

Train as a coach with Listen to

Barefoot Coaching the podcast:
with Kim Morgan and Suzy Walker discussing
 HOME
10 FAMILY

5
MONEY WORK

10 5 5 10

FRIENDS
ADVENTURE 5

RELATIONSHIPS WELLBEING
10

Cut out this page and put it somewhere visible. Use the wheel of life, a classic coaching tool,
to improve your relationship with adventure. The wheel allows you to focus on improving one segment
CUT OUT AND KEEP

of life at a time, while giving you an overall picture of all the parts that comprise a happy life
✂
Q
MARY FENWICK is a writer,
speaker and executive coach; she’s
also a mother, divorcee and widow.
GOT A QUESTION FOR MARY?
Email mary@psychologies.co.uk,
with ‘MARY’ in the subject line.
FOLLOW MARY on Twitter
@MJFenwick and Instagram
@marythefenwick. For more
about her one-to-one work and
speaking, see maryfenwick.com.

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 Q

Be part of our tribe

Join the Life Leap Club and
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Go to psychologies.co.uk/Life-
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Watch Mary’s coaching sessions
live every Tuesday at 1pm.

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52 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M A R C H 2 0 1 9
 self

Selection
box of
dreams
So much choice, so little time…
Ellen Tout is overwhelmed with ideas
for new projects and endeavours, but
which ones are the right ones?

W
hat do I want to do with
my life? They say the most
interesting people never
have just one ‘thing’ they
want to pursue, and that chimes with me.
In the past couple of months, I’ve signed up
for a novel-writing course, which I’ve not had
time to complete; had ideas for new vegan
products, which I don’t know how to launch;
and dreamed of turning my love of yoga into a
career. Oh, and I’ve scrolled through
Instagram and decided that, actually, I want
to buy an old van, turn it into a camper and
escape to the Scottish Highlands.
I flit between plans not knowing whether I
want to chase any of them. I feel like I should
somehow be juggling them all – in addition
to my job writing for Psychologies.
I talk to coach Carolyn McDonald, who
trained with Barefoot Coaching. Can she
help me work out what will really light me
up? Or whether I should stick with what
I’m doing? ‘Happiness is often defined as
pleasure, meaning and engagement,’ she
starts. ‘What gives you pleasure? What
brings you meaning? And how do you
actually activate and engage in those things?’
She asks how I would define happiness.
There are lots of things: feeling fulfilled
creatively, walking my dog, time with
friends and family, work that matches
my values, experiencing new things and
spending time in nature. McDonald says
I have a good grounding in what makes me >>>

M A R C H 2 0 1 9 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 53
 “good
To appreciate the
in our lives,
we must find
balance and space…
You can’t constantly
be in a place of peak
“
happiness – you
would be exhausted

Too much of a good thing

Baby-step thinking
 Do you have a dream, but don’t know if you want
to pursue it? Answer these questions honestly
Do you realistic or idealised? Could
know what you need to you see yourself doing
do now? Have you tried that every day? Have you
committing 10 minutes considered the challenges
to it every morning? Why or lows of the reality?
have you been putting it What
off? Is this your impostor values are you yearning
syndrome saying you’re not to fulfil? Do you have a
good enough? Do you lack core need for flexibility,
time, or is it just a fantasy? freedom, routine, control
Think or creativity, for example?
of someone who does the Could you first tweak your
thing you crave – say a life as it is to meet these?
novelist. What’s their daily How can you engage with
life like? Is your picture your values and your dream?

“theByreality
engaging with
of our
aspiration, we will
soon learn if it’s
something that
lights us up and we “
want to pursue it, or if The nitty-gritty of want
it’s not for us after all
 ●

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Session “I see people enjoying themselves and feel a mix of envy and disapproval”
one

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 Session Why do you deny yourself? Coaching exercises
two

●
●
●
●

“goObsessing about what could

“
wrong can keep you stuck

Further Bye judgement, hello happiness

sessions ●
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●

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 Dossier

Lessons in love
…And they lived happily ever after? Yes, it can
happen, with the right tools and mindset. We know
life’s not a fairy tale, but let’s give ourselves the edge

With 42 per cent of marriages failing in the UK, this

month, we look at how to keep love alive in your
relationship. Recently married Ali Roff takes advice from
some of the world’s leading experts about how to keep
her relationship on track now that the honeymoon
period is over, and learns how partners can grow
together, not apart, over time. An inspirational reader,
whose relationship flourished in trying circumstances,
shares her wisdom on the quest for everlasting love.
Plus, take our test and discover what’s in the way of you
finding and nurturing a healthy long-term relationship.
We invite you to start your own Life Leap Club and take
part in our free course, ‘Love yourself first’, devised by
our ‘coach of the month’ Becca Forshaw. Share the love!

PHOTOGRAPHS GEORGI JEVIC/GETTY IMAGES

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! WE RUN A WORLD-CLASS COACHING CLUB, WITH COURSES, MASTERCLASSES AND PODCASTS, FREE TO ALL
OUR SUBSCRIBERS. LEAP INTO A BETTER LIFE AT PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK/LIFE-LEAP-CLUB-NEW-SUBSCRIBERS
Dossier

“We look at the

issues, rather
than what’s behind MISREADING THE SIGNS
them, which is, at
some level, that
we’ve become
disconnected”
“Neque mo blam
rera doluptur? Qui
cori arciliquam
quia venihillam
volor moditia
iusdaecuscit lam
int faciendio tem”
Dossier

THE CHEAT’S GUIDE

“We need
nurturing, too.
No relationship is
going to survive
without investment
of time, energy
or attention”
CARE ENOUGH TO ARGUE

.
.
.
Dossier
Sarah Abell and Andrew G Marshall’s pointers to maintain your bond
‘Ask yourself, on a scale
of 1 to 10: “How connected
do I feel to my partner at
the moment?” You might
be at a stressy four, for
example. Then ask, “Why
is that? What’s going on
right now?”,’ says Abell.
Being aware of each
other’s natural responses
can help us understand
why we might not feel
connected. Asking the
questions brings awareness.
“I think of how
my husband’s
face glows when
he makes me
giggle; a glow
of connection!”
says
Marshall. ‘Stroke
each other as you argue,
perhaps even literally!
Say things like: “Oh, you
have a good point there,”
or “Yes, I agree with that,
but what about this?”
Show that you really care
about their feelings and
acknowledge them. In
turn, report your feelings,
too – “I’m feeling angry”,
rather than slamming
doors or clattering that
sink full of dishes.
HARD WORK, YOU SAY?
When one
of you is anxious,
depressed or diagnosed
with a serious illness, ‘it
can be hard for the other
person to know how to
help,’ says Abell. ‘It’s
useful to talk about your
concerns and fears. What
does it mean to face this
problem? Approach it as
a team and ask each other
what you most need from
the other to feel loved
and to remain connected
through the challenge.’
‘Empathy is
one of the basic workings
of a relationship. You have
to be able to put yourself
in the other person’s
shoes,’ says Marshall. In
Can We Start Again Please,
he urges collaboration.
‘It sounds obvious, but
people forget to include
their partner. Invite your
partner to events in
“your world” and show an
interest in their projects.’
Dossier

“Our goal is to
form a genuinely
SELF-DEVELOPMENT REAL-LIFE COACHING
PROGRAMMES happier society by COMMUNITIES
providing a place
for us to connect
and talk about
how we can
survive and thrive”

Meet our coach of the month
Let’s make sense of proper connection
you felt disconnected
from yourself and why?
Reflect
on the last time you felt
connected to a partner
or friend? Why did you Looking
felt truly connected? at your answers, think
about what creates
connection for you. Is it
being heard? Feeling safe?
Who makes you feel
When was the last time safe? Why? What makes
you felt connected with you feel disconnected?
what you need or want? What do you need to do
When was the last time differently to connect?
Dossier
Dossier

Test

◆
♥ ●
◆ ♥
● ■
■
◆

●
●
♥ ■ ■
◆ ♥
■ ◆
●

♥ ◆
● ●
◆ ♥ ■
■ ◆ ♥
●
■

Circle the answers that

most closely apply to you,
♥ then add up the symbols.
◆ Read the section (or
● ● sections – sometimes
■ ■ there is more than one)
you circled most, to find
♥ out what’s stopping you
from finding lasting love.
♥ ◆
Dossier

IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ♥ IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ◆

IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ● IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ■

YES! I WOULD LIKE TO SUBSCRIBE TO PSYCHOLOGIES

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“ Self-compassion is
how we recover
”
SHERYL SANDBERG
HEAL YOUR BODY AND WORLD WITH FOOD
Ocean Robbins, author of ‘31-Day Food Revolution: Heal Your Body, Feel Great And
Transform Your World’ (Hay House, £12.99) shares ways to consume consciously
 Gently transformative ideas
for a happier mind and body

Three expansive reads

to inspire you in 2019

THE SOURCE:
OPEN YOUR MIND,
CHANGE YOUR LIFE
by Tara Swart
(Vermilion, £14.99)
“If you want to squeeze in some exercise at home, Neuroscientist
I recommend buying a resistance band. They can mimic most Swart couples
the latest cognitive science with
gym equipment and are available in various strengths suitable
for all. Costing around £3, they are an affordable and
worthwhile investment” Hollie Grant, Fitness Editor @thepilatesPT

6to8
WHEN THE BODY
SPRING START SAYS NO: THE COST
OF HIDDEN STRESS
by Gabor Maté
(Vermilion, £9.99)
Renowned physician
Maté uses his
experiences to explore just how much
Lift your spirit with these
great finds and useful insights

“Last year, I set

an intention to journal each
day and make good use of the
beautiful planner I’d invested
in. Except, I didn’t manage
it – so what was meant to be
something positive, left me
feeling wholly dispirited
instead. That’s why, this year,

80%
I have chosen an undated
version of my favourite
journal to take the pressure
off completely, and allow
me to use it in a way that fits
into my life” @thisconsciousbeing

GOOD VIBRATIONS
This month’s food for thought... Tell
us how you get on by using #360me

MINDFUL
MOMENTS

“The vagus nerve is the key

communicator between body and mind,
travelling around your body connecting your brain to
every one of your organs. It is responsible for your
parasympathetic nervous system and, by stimulating the
vagus nerve, we can soothe ourselves out of anxiety and
brain fog. You can stimulate this nerve by massaging
your throat and neck, splashing your face with cold
water or gargling” Anya Hayes @mothers.wellness.toolkit

41
 Nurture your gut health for
an overall feeling of wellbeing

The latest National Diabetes Audit found that there are 7,000 Brits
under the age of 25 being treated for type 2 diabetes. These simple tips
from medical doctor Sarah Brewer* can help lower the risk dramatically

“Three-time
UK barista
champ Maxwell Colonna-
Dashwood’s blend delivers
a delicious brew. His pods
are 100 per cent recyclable
aluminium (committed to
sustainability, Colonna’s
state-of-the-art tech means
minimal oxygen gets into
the pods for optimum
flavour and freshness).
Coffee contains polyphenols
that provide a nice hit for
our microbiome, so we can
toast our microbes with our
morning drink!” @evekalinik
CREAMY
BROCOLLI SOUP
Eliminating dairy and wheat doesn’t mean giving up luscious soups,
says Danielle Walker in ‘Eat What You Love’ (Ten Speed Press, £25).
Instead of a roux, or cream, white sweet potatoes add silky richness

SERVES 4-6 or other white-fleshed variety,

l 3 tbsp ghee or extra virgin olive oil peeled and cut into cubes
l 2 cups chopped leeks, white l 1 celery stalk, chopped

and tender green parts l 2 cloves garlic, minced

l ½ yellow onion, chopped l 4 cups Chicken Bone Broth†

l 450g broccoli, cut into florets, l Fine sea salt and freshly

stems peeled and chopped ground black pepper

l 1 small Hannah sweet potato l Extra virgin olive oil, for drizzling

1 Melt the ghee in a large stockpot

over medium heat. Add the leeks
and onion and saute for 3-4
minutes, stirring, until they are
fragrant and softened. Add the
broccoli, sweet potato, celery
and garlic and continue to cook
for 5 minutes more.
2 Pour in the Chicken Bone
Broth†, add 1½ tsp of salt and ¼
tsp of pepper, and bring to a boil.
Simmer for 8-10 minutes, until the
vegetables are fork-tender and
the broccoli is bright green.
3 Using an immersion blender,
or working in batches in a
blender, blend the soup until
smooth (if using a blender, remove
the cap in the blender top and
place a kitchen towel over the
top to allow steam to release).
4 Return the soup to the pan
and season with salt and pepper
to taste. Serve hot, with a
sprinkling of pepper and
a drizzle of olive oil.
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 Emotions have
physical effects

Belief shifts
biology
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Research has
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The immune
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Winter
vitality
Within the ancient system of Ayurveda, Paul Rushton finds rejuvenation,
deep nourishment and healing stillness at the core of the harshest season

W
inter comes with steady depletion, as the cold
and dark encroach and light retreats. It can be
beautiful, too. When the plants die back, they
return energy to the earth. We too are served by following
the season inwards – bolstering from our inner worlds out.
We suffer for lack of light and warmth. A sunny burst on a
crisp morning and we allow that brightness into our eyes
and onto our skin – to energise and regulate our hormones.
Early sleeping and rising aligns our rhythms with the
Brahma Muhurta, or God’s Hour, which is actually about
90 minutes before sunrise. Waking stillness here eases
us gracefully into the day, avoiding heavy eyelids later.
In the approach to a spring reawakening, hearty,
warming nourishment is key. Seasonal stews, curries
and soups, warming spices and wilted winter greens will
check the build-up of kapha; those leaden mornings and
the colds and congestion of early spring. No detoxing,
punishing regimens or raw, brittle salads for us, but
simmering warmth and goodness, easily absorbed and
elementally opposite to the harsher qualities of the season.
Think soothing, gentle, restful and supporting – steaming
teas, warm water, baths and scent; firelight and nourishing
oils for food and skin; soles and souls.
balanceplan.co.uk; @thebalanceplan
 i
acnc
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to

LONDON 15-16 march 2019

A unique wellbeing event dedicated
to mindfulness and meditation

over 100 EXPERT SPEAKERS

in clu ding :

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TV Personality, Teacher, Author and Calm For Kids clinical hypnotist, Enter Mindfulness Physiologist &
Author & Astrologer Co-Founder of Breathworks The McKeown Clinic Sleep Therapist

price from mindful

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*Taster Day tickets only - does not include access to seminars

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 New
series

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Try this
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Other things to consider: biodegradable floss ● ditching face wipes and cotton buds ● using recycled toilet paper
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Biological status

Our expert, Henrietta Norton,

good thoughts

100 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M A R C H 2 0 1 9
“ In the depth of winter, I finally
learned that there was in
me an invincible summer
ALBERT CAMUS ”
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“Theis clearest way into the Universe
“
through a forest wilderness
JOHN MUIR
 ♥
Book of the
month
“immTheaturemarkmanofisthethat
he wants to die nobly
for a cause, while the
mark of the mature “
man is that he wants to
live humbly for one

Discover
By Greer Hendricks
and Sarah Pekkanen
(Macmillan, £12.99)

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Ya’arburnee
Language: Arabic
You know when you
love someone so much
that you hope you die
before they do because
you couldn’t bear to live
without them? Well,
ya’arburnee means
precisely this – literally
‘may you bury me’.
 1 By Stacey Halls
(Bonnier Zaffre, £12.99)
2
By Hannah Beckerman
(Orion, £14.99)

‘“Many of us are broken and we are

strong at the broken places,’ wrote
Ernest Hemingway. Write about
three hidden blessings disguised
in three difficult life or work challenges
that weren’t visible at the time”
Jackee Holder

3 By Karen Thompson
Walker Scribner, £14.99)
FARRY. PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES
108 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M A R C H 2 0 1 9

What lies
beneath
Nowhere on earth is better for marine life than
the Maldives, where whale sharks, manta rays and
sea turtles dominate the underwater kingdom.
Leanne Bracey discovers there’s a whole new
world waiting for her in the big blue
‘G o go go!’ shout the diving guides
from the top of the boat. I rush to
pull on my snorkel and flippers and,
without hesitation, I jump into the water
below. Suspended there is a six-metre-long
whale shark. Slowly, it heads down to the
cool confines of the seabed, its individual
white-spot markings fading away, safe from
the prying eyes of snorkellers and divers, who
come in our droves to see these gentle giants
of the Indian Ocean.
Taking a snapshot for my memory bank,
our encounter lasts a minute, if that, but
it’s enough to humble. I never thought I’d
go any further than a casual dip in the
lagoon – now, I want to immerse my entire
being and delve into the deep blue sea.
the retreat
travel
It’s my first time in the Maldives, a South
Asian country made up of more than 1,200
islands, located in the Indian Ocean,
south-west of Sri Lanka and India.
Catching my first sight of one of the islands
from the seaplane, just a few days before
my shark encounter, leaves me breathless.
We touch down on Dhidhoofinolhu Island,
home to LUX* South Ari Atoll Resort, which
is hosting its second annual Underwater
Festival, bringing together conservationists,
environmentalists and divers, plus cutting-
edge technology, to offer guests who are
certified divers the chance to join in. Drew
Richardson, CEO of PADI (Professional
Association of Diving Instructors), and a don
in the diving community, delivers an inspiring >>>
 “It’s not long
before the inviting
pastel turquoise
water lures me in.
The warm, salty
Indian Ocean
feels delicious”

The devil and the deep blue sea

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT
Breakfast dim sum being freshly made
by the chef at East Market restaurant;
Leanne uncovers a wondrous world
of marine delights while snorkelling
in the Maldives, as the boat takes
underwater explorers to an array of
big blue locations daily; a delicious
Indian-inspired paneer wrap lunch
at one of the hotel’s eight restaurants;
finding serenity on a beach swing
with a view; a delightful coconut hut;
the stunning marine-life scenes
are a sight to behold; one of the
spa huts in the lagoon; the seaplane
arriving at LUX* South Ari Atoll Resort
Go creative
Elizabeth Heathcote goes a bit potty in Sussex for the weekend
48
HOURS

Learn to turn

During spring/summer
2019, West Dean College
of Arts and Conservation
will hold over 400 short
courses, including 100
new courses.
116 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 8
THIS PAGE Using THIS PAGE A smart
furniture to divide a mahogany cabinet with
multifunctional room a mesh door is placed
is an easy way to by the side of the stairs
create zones. Here, to provide storage, and
the cabinet separates a mirror on the wall
two areas while still above means you can
letting light bounce check your appearance
around the space before you leave home!
Gudri velvet
cushion , £9.95,
cover, £14.50,

Quick
iansnow.com

fixes
Don’t wait for things to be ‘perfect’,
or you’ll be waiting forever. Make Ambassador
it ‘perfect for you’ right now. Don’t
have any shelving? Stack books
Chicago neatly on top of some floor-standing
chair, £193,
chair Ceramics teacups
houzz.co.uk cabinets. No storage space in your
kitchen? A simple fruit crate with
some hooks inside can be used to
keep crockery and hang mugs, plus
you can display other items on top.
There is always a solution if you
keep an open mind and allow your
creativity to flow. Look out for items

think: ‘That is so me’ – they will be

what make your home your own.

Estienne sofa, from a selection,

ligne-roset.com/uk
Walk on the
Wild Side
Trek Kenya
14-22 February 2020

Take a walk on the wild side on this roarsome adventure,

trekking through Kenya’s Rift Valley. Prepare to be immersed in an entirely
different world and spot an extraordinary range of African wildlife.

For more information and to register online:

www.dream-challenges.com
Tel: 01590 646410
email: events@dream-challenges.com
 “ There’s always a sunrise and always a
sunset and it’s up to you to choose to be there
for it. Put yourself in the way of beauty
CHERYL STRAYED ”
This went down a treat with the Scarlets rugby team as it’s packed with flavour
and vibrancy, and the vinegary, garlicky dressing brings the leaves to life. I get
my leaves from Cae Tan, a Community Supported Agriculture project in Wales.
Using biodynamic produce makes an unbelievable difference to a salad!

SERVES 4 1
FOR THE MARINADE
l

2
l

FOR THE DRESSING

l 3
l

l 4

FOR THE SALAD

l

l
Jackfruit is becoming increasingly
popular for vegans and vegetarians
because its fibrous texture apes
that of slow-cooked meat. Dusting
it in seasoned flour and frying it
deepens its flavour.

SERVES 3-4
l

l
Reader
l
offer
l

l 2
l

3
BEETROOT JUICE PANCAKES
Beetroot has been proven to boost stamina. It’s my go-to natural steroid – I’ll drink a litre of beetroot
juice the day before a competition. I normally make these light, delicious pancakes during the week
as a treat to give me that much-needed burst of energy. Try them topped with fresh fruit.

MAKES 16
l 350g porridge oats
l 250ml plant-based milk
(I use oat milk)
l 250ml beetroot juice
l 2 bananas
l 1 tsp baking powder
l Coconut oil, for frying
TO SERVE
l Blueberries, strawberries
or any fruit of your choice
l Oat cream
l Maple syrup
1 I make the batter for these
pancakes in a blender. Put the
oats into your blender and blitz
to a flour-like consistency. Now
add the milk and the beetroot
juice and blend, then add the
bananas and baking powder and
blitz again until the mixture
resembles pancake batter.
2 Put a frying pan over medium
heat and melt 1 tsp of coconut oil
in it. Scoop 1 tbsp batter into the
pan for each pancake and cook
for 2½ minutes on the first side,
until slightly golden. Flip and
cook for a further 2 minutes on
the second side.
3 Once cooked, transfer to a
plate and keep warm in a low
oven while you make the
remaining pancakes in the same
way. Keep adding to the plate,
piling them high. Add your
favourite fruit, drizzle with the
oat cream and maple syrup and
serve immediately.
 Reusable and
sustainable.
Stainless-steel
drinking bottle
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Inspired by nature. Ceramic

Vegan treats. Wild Ketchup

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1
2
3
4
 essentials
6 DAYS TO TRANSFORM BECOME A RELAXATION TEACHER OR
YOUR LIFE JUST LEARN TO RELAX YOURSELF
Set in the serene and stunning natural beauty of a private THE ART OF FINDING STILLNESS AND CALM
estate in Scotland, The Penninghame Process is a six-day Relaxation and Daily Awareness Workshop
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Held in a safe, supportive, non-judgmental space you will dive VEN LAMA SHRI SADHU DHARMAVIRA (teaching since 1969)
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unique and powerful blend of experiential processes and needed to experience the wellbeing that comes through a life
simple reflective practices, intricately designed to take you that is stress and anxiety free.
beyond your thoughts, re-wire your deep unconscious negative
This course was created for those who wish to teach others to be
conditioning and guide you back home to yourself.
stress free. But, anyone who would like to attend for their own
You’ll come out feeling as if personal wellbeing, is very
your entire psyche has been welcome.
scrubbed clean and
Booking now for workshops in
empowered with the tools to
London.
integrate your insights into
your life and create significant To ensure quality teaching,
lasting change for the better, workshops are limited to a
in just 6 days. maximum of 8 participants

SAY YES TO YOURSELF, SAY To receive full details about the

YES TO LIFE! workshop and its benefits, please
telephone: 01723 862 496
WWW.PENNINGHAME.ORG
INFO@PENNINGHAME.ORG (calls taken between 8am - 6pm,
VEN LAMA SHRI SADHU DHARMAVIRA
07517437204 7 days a week)

2019 - Two events to change your life and

A HEALTHIER
improve children’s emotional well-being!
HAPPIER YOU 15"! June “The Social Mind – Evolution and Development”.
DETOX, RELAX, REJUVENATE Staverton Estate, Daventry. Prof.Louis Cozolino presents
Join our transformational wellbeing retreats in beautiful ground breaking research on the evolution of the human mind
tranquil luxury. into a social organ and how individual minds adjust, communicate
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Kick-start your New Year’s resolution for your healthy
new lifestyle. 20"! July Fast track route to train
Take back control of your life, your health as a Registered Practitioner in
and your emotional happiness. Therapeutic Play Skills and as a
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Emerge inspired, renewed and energised.
15 days at our beautiful La Mouline centre in the Tarn area of
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detox for a healthier hosts. Make new friends! (from 29 countries in 2018).
happier you.
Can’t make France? Rather study at weekends? 13
FOR MORE INFORMATION: convenient venues all over the UK: PG Certificate and
Raw Horizons Retreat Diploma courses - five three day weekends. .
Split Farthing Hall Dee Rose, APAC Tel:
North Yorkshire 01825 761143
Tel: 01845 591272 Email: mokijep@majemail.com
Email: info@rawhorizons.co.uk www.playtherapy.org.uk
Web: www.rawhorizons.co.uk www.playtherapyregister.org.uk

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TO ADVERTISE CALL NIKKI.PETERSON@TIGERBEEMEDIA.CO.UK

ecoYogamats
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yogaturkey
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 Happiness
Book Club

Questions to discuss
●

‘Busy: How To Thrive In A World

Of Too Much’ by Tony Crabbe (Little, Brown, £8.99)
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