CCOOVVEENNTTRRY

Y’’SS OONNLLYY
FFRRE E EE
QQUUAALLIITTYY
Edition No: 138
Oct/Nov 2022
MMAAGGAAZZIINNEE

Loaded with HEALTH TIPS, POETRY, JOKES, QUIZZES, COMPETITIONS, CASH PRIZES and much more...!
COVERING ALL OF COVENTRY and Surrounding Areas
 A WORD FROM YOUR EDITOR
Christine Jones
Hello & welcome to the October/November 2022 edition of
Chatterbox Magazine!
I don’t quite know how we are suddenly in autumn but here we are! I hope
you like the photograph on the front page, it was taken on a glorious
September day as my daughter & I visited Blenheim Palace, the grounds and
the house were beautiful and well worth a visit! Anyway back to reality and
time to say that I hope you will enjoy the many various and diverse articles
to read in this edition and have a go at the competitions and quizzes with
your friends & family.
Chatterbox is owned by
As always I would like to say thank you to all of my readers and subscribers who
not only support the businesses in the magazine by using the services advertised Christine Jones
but also support myself and the magazine with letters of thanks, articles and poetry 2 Alpine Rise, Styvechale,
- it is all much appreciated. If you use a business in Chatterbox, please let them Coventry CV3 6NT
know where you saw it. We need to support our local shops too or we will lose Correspondence can be sent to
them. There are many people I need to mention and thank for all of their help: the above address or email:
Firstly, the world’s best daughter and ‘Coventry’s Poet Laureate’ Emilie, who has
chatterbox@freeuk.com
worked in between all her other commitments to help with this edition love you!
Thanks go to our writer Christine Stafford, who has helped with providing editorial All enquiries about content and
and poetry too! Also thanks go to all of the retailers and members of the general advertising to Christine Jones
public, both new and old, all over Coventry and its surrounding area, who distribute Tel: 024 7641 4458
Chatterbox Magazine - you do an amazing job, which is appreciated by both the Mobile: 079 7709 1534
readers and myself! Thanks to: Steve & Chris Binnie, Bernard & Beryl, Linda Or Check Out Our New Website!
Stephenson and Kev Curtis for delivering magazines and also all of my readers www.chatterboxmagazine.co.uk
who help by picking the magazines up from me and taking them to various clubs,
friends, neighbours and family - you are all great! Finally I will leave you with this We believe all the information to be
correct at the time of publishing.
thought......... The advertisements carried in this
magazine are the copyright of Chatterbox
” Please do not cry when the sun is gone because, if you do, the tears won’t and may not be copied or reproduced
let you see the stars.” without prior permission of the publisher.

2
3
Here’s the ultimate test all you armchair contestants have been waiting for. If you get stuck you
can phone a friend or consult the answers on the inside back page of the magazine. Good luck!

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For £10,000: Which island in

the Ionian Sea has the Greek
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For £500,000: Which American

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Congratulations if you reached a million without cheating!

4
 !!Win £30.00 CASH PRIZE!!
Chatterbox is giving you the chance to ON THE ROAD
win a £30.00 cash prize to spend on O R A U G A J O A D O K S N A
anything you want. N F I P E U G E O T S A A B L
O T U S T A H I A D L D J R F
Simply complete the word search below
T I M I T S U B I S H I O R A
and send it along with the attached
O V F N A P D D C S I V N E R
form to: Chatterbox, 2 Alpine Rise,
R K O D E A O H S A E I L N O
Coventry CV3 6NT before November 7th
P K A L E O R R D R T A O A M
2022.
C L Q W K Y R N S R E O T U E

Name .......................................................................... I H O R S S U T A C C H U L O
R O O L O Y W M I N H R S T D
Address...................................................................... A J E N H V N A O C A E G D R
...................................................................................... R R F I D O L M G B E S J R O
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E J B S H T N S V J N J K I G
Favourite page in Chatterbox F N A S T O Y O T A O G P Q N

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daewoo daihatsu ferrari ford honda hyundai
Where I got my copy from jaguar lada lotus mitsubishi nissan peugeot
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...................................................................................... skoda subaru toyota volkswagen volvo

5
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SEAWEED
Increasingly valued for its medicinal properties, seaweed
is poised to become the next super food. New evidence
suggests it's good for your heart, can help prevent cancer
and may even aid weight loss.
When its slimy fronds brush past you in the sea,
seaweed may not seem especially appetising. But pass on
a plate of these particular greens and you'd be missing
out. For seaweed is a powerhouse of nutrients ± high in
protein but low in fat, and packed with calcium,
magnesium, iodine, iron and potassium, to name but a
few of its attributes.
No wonder, then, that it's being hailed as the latest
super food. Many types are found along British and
Irish shores ± from the dark, thin sheets of laver to the
purple strands of carrageen ± and all are bursting with
minerals and trace elements, which they gain from the
nutrient-rich sea. They're perfect for absorption by the
human body, too, as seawater has almost the same
proportion of minerals as our blood. It may be winning
plaudits from health experts, but seaweed's medicinal
value was recognised by generations before ours.
Ancient Chinese emperors used it to treat a variety of
complaints, while for centuries people around the
8
British Isles dried seaweed as a source of vitamins in
winter.
Boost your heart's health
The people of Okinawa Island in Japan regularly live to
100 and are renowned for their healthy hearts and low
cholesterol. In addition to a wide variety of vegetables,
seaweed is an important part of their diet. Of course, it is
only one factor in their healthy lifestyle, but increasingly
research is showing that seaweed is beneficial to heart
health.
There are two types of seaweed that are thought to be
particularly good for high blood pressure ± laver known
as nori and dabberlocks known as wakame, there are
claims that seaweed can lower cholesterol and also
improve blood which are being investigated. As we know
too much salt in the diet is also bad news for blood
pressure, so substituting your table salt for ground
seaweed is an option. It still tastes salty but has very
little sodium chloride.
Protect against cancer
It is also well known that Japanese women have lower
rates of breast cancer than Western women, and experts
believe their seaweed-rich diet may be a factor. `Research
in Japan has suggested that a diet high in kelp may
reduce the amount of oestrogen circulating in the body,
and this means there is less fuel for the development of
oestrogen-dependent cancers. Seaweed also contains
lignans and isoflavones, anti-oxidant compounds
thought to help reduce the risk of breast cancer.'
Fight the flab
Already sought after by health food fanatics, seaweed
could be the unlikely saviour of junk food fans, too.
Researchers in the United Kingdom found that alginate,
an extract from seaweed, can strengthen the mucus
lining of the gut wall and slow digestion so you feel fuller
for longer. They suggest that seaweed alginates could be
used to make junk food healthier by replacing unhealthy
fat with the fibre-rich alginates. And it could also help
those who've had one burger too many, as scientists in
Japan have found brown seaweed contains a compound
that appears to reduce the accumulation of fat.
Pick me up
Seaweed has been used as a tonic for generations ± from
cold remedies to cures for the morning after. `Seaweed
baths can help ease hangovers as they detox your body,
9
and if you're suffering from the sniffles, the Ancient
Chinese believed seaweed could disperse phlegm, also,
that a chemical in seaweed was three times more
effective than a conventional flu remedy.
Ease your aching limbs
Ever-popular in health spas, seaweed baths' therapeutic
value in easing weary bodies has been acknowledged for
hundreds of years. `They have been used for centuries to
help relieve the symptoms of arthritis and rheumatism ±
there are records as far back as the 18th century. The
understanding is that seaweed helps draw out acidic
toxins and may help rheumatism sufferers by conducting
heat deep into the muscles and joints.' Seaweeds such as
kelp and dabberlocks are also extremely rich sources of
calcium, essential for strong and healthy bones.
Where to buy seaweed
Many delis and fishmongers sell fresh varieties that you
can use raw in salads or steamed with your dinner.
Health food shops and some supermarkets sell a variety
of dried seaweeds; most are Japanese, but it is possible to
get some European varieties, too, such as dulse (try
Tesco's) Rehydrate them in hot water and add to soups
and stews. And last but not least, If you're not partial to
the distinctive taste of seaweed, try a supplement
instead. Kelp tablets, rich in iodine, are available in
health food shops, but don't take more than 30 times the
Recommended Daily Allowance of 150mcg as this can
trigger a hyperactive thyroid.
ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM A LOW IMMUNE
SYSTEM?
Below are some symptoms of a low immune system:
· Repeated infections or sore throats
· Slow wound healing
· Enlarged lymph glands (neck, underarm, groin)
· Unexplained fatigue or lethargy
· Allergies
· More than two colds a year (as an adult)
If you are suffering from any of these symptoms, it may
be worth trying some of the tips below which could help!
Eat loads of vegetables and fruit ± As well as ensuring
you get the right levels of vitamins and minerals, eating
at least 5 servings of fruit and vegetables per day has
been linked to better general health.
Eat yoghurt ± Studies have shown that people who eat
at least one yoghurt size pot of yoghurt per day have
fewer colds than people who do not eat yoghurt.
Scientists think it has something to do with the friendly
10
bacteria in the yoghurt, so make sure you choose
`probiotic' yoghurt with acidophilus or bifidus. If you
can't stand yoghurt or have a dairy intolerance, there are
a number of probiotic supplements you can get including
`Tummy'.
Eat Vitamin C rich foods or take a vitamin C
supplement ± People who have high levels of vitamin C
in their diet can cut their chance of dying of premature
illness by up to 50%. The optimum level of vitamin C is
500 mg each day, but even small amounts can help.
Adding just one vitamin C rich food each day can cut
mortality by up to 20%. Good sources of vitamin C are
kiwi fruits, oranges, red peppers, broccoli and strawber-
ries.
Eat plenty of red foods ± The red in foods like tomatoes
comes from an antioxidant called lycopene, which can
help prevent cancer and heart disease. A study at the
University of Milan also found that it keeps white cells in
the blood (which help to fight infection) in peak
condition. Processed tomatoes are a better source of
lycopene than raw, so eat plenty of tomato sauces, juice
and ketchup.
Stop smoking ± Smokers suffer higher levels of
respiratory infection than non-smokers as well as having
higher risks of a whole raft of other diseases.
 Exercise moderately but don't over train ± Working
out for up to 45 minutes 3-5 times per week makes
immune cells more active, with some studies showing
that people who exercise had half the sick leave days of
those who did not. However, extended exercise can do
the opposite. Long sessions of high intensity exercise like
90 minutes of running raise levels of the stress hormones
adrenalin and cortisol which can suppress immune
system activity for up to 3 days. So, if you are specifically
training for an event like a marathon, make sure that you
drink 1 litre of a glucose drink every hour of exercise as
the sugar can cause the adrenal gland to release less
cortisol.
Get enough sleep ± Sleeping less than 7 hours per
night can double the chance of coming down with an
infection as during deep sleep your body increases
production of natural killer cells.
Wash your hands ± Studies have shown that people
who wash their hands at least 5 times per day cut their
risk of cold and other infections by half.
Listen to music ± Listening to your favourite music (as
long as it isn't too frantic!) for half an hour per day raises
levels of a protein that indicates how fast your immune
system responds.
Eat garlic ± Garlic contains at least 25 antibacterial
11
and antifungal compounds so really does help beat
infection.
Eat more fibre ± Fibre helps promote friendly bacteria
in your gut, so helping to fight digestive infections.
Drink cranberry and blueberry juice ± They are full of
antioxidants called flavonoids and also help to prevent
urinary infections. Cranberry juice in particular can be
helpful in preventing and curing cystitis.
Don't take antibiotics too often ± Most viruses like
colds and flu cannot be helped by antibiotics and taking
them can kill the friendly bacteria in your body. So, take
them sparingly, only when you really need them and
where they are appropriate and make sure you help
replace the friendly bacteria with probiotic yoghurt.
Drink lots of water ± Making sure you are hydrated
can help keep mucus membranes like those that line your
respiratory tract moist and healthy, thus helping to
prevent infection.
Resist rubbing eyes and face ± As you carry many
bacteria on your hands, by rubbing your face you can
transfer them to your eyes and mouth, thus `catching' the
cold.
Take a good nutritional supplement every day ± It is
always best to get the vitamins and minerals you need
through your diet, but for that added bit of insurance
take a good multivitamin and mineral tablet every day.
Take Echinacea ± Studies have shown that taking
Echinacea helps reduce the chance of infection. However
to get the best benefits, make sure you take it over limited
periods of time with breaks in between.
Reduce stress ± Many studies have proven the link
between stress and illness, making people 3 times more
likely to catch colds. Reduce the stress in your life and if
you are going through a period of stress you can't avoid
like divorce, redundancy or monetary problems, make
sure you put time aside for yourself to relax. Also watch
your favourite comedy films or TV sitcoms, as a good
laugh can counteract many of the effects of stress.
WHY DOES MY EYE WATER MOST DAYS?
There are three possible reasons why your eye is
streaming. First, your body could simply be producing
too many tears. This is usually because the front surface
of the eye is inflamed due to an ulcer or infection. It's not
always easy to spot, but it can be treated with antibiotic
drops. However, much more likely is a problem with the
eye's drainage system, caused by a blockage in the
punctum. This is the plughole through which tears drain
off from the front of the eye. Each eye has a punctum in
the upper lid and one in the lower lid, at the corner of
12
your eye nearest your nose. You can easily see the inner
punctum if you look closely in a mirror. A blockage can
occur as a result of a cold or mild infection ± the hole gets
blocked with gunge. It can easily be sorted out by an eye
specialist under a local anaesthetic ± he will probe the
punctum and clear it out. Alternatively, the pipework
from the punctum could be blocked ± again, perhaps
with mucus ± or it may be that the punctum is no longer
correctly attached to the eyeball.
This is common in older people, when the eyelid sags
(usually due to stretching of the tissues, which lose
elasticity as you age). As a result, the punctum no longer
reaches to the surface of the eye, so it can't drain away
the tears. Cold and windy weather always makes eyes
watery because it irritates the front of the eye, driving the
glands that make tears into overdrive. But if the drainage
mechanism is blocked, the tears will overflow down your
face, as they do when you cry normally ± even a well
functioning drainage system can't cope with that many
tears. However, in a warm room, the tears may evaporate
altogether. For only one eye being affected, this is simply
because the punctum on the other eye isn't clogged up. If
you ask your GP for a referral to an ophthalmologist. As
the eye or eyes need to have a specialist examination for
an accurate diagnosis before they can be treated.
13
14
 a meal for
two at
The Festival
Public House,
Leaf Lane, Coventry
Enjoy home-made food in a
traditional warm setting
Send your entry to Chatterbox
2 Alpine Rise, Coventry CV3 6NT,
before November 7th 2022.
The first correct puzzle drawn out of the entry
box will be the winner

Across ± 1. Fiasco (5) 6. Shrill (5) 9. Avoided (7) 10. Hurry (5) 11. Looks Name .........................................................................
lasciviously (5) 12. Symbol (5) 13. Sanctuary (7) 15. Donkey (3) 17. In this
place (4) 18. Help (6) 19. Writing (5) 20. Commands (6) 22. Scheme (4) Address .....................................................................
24. Golf peg (3) 25. Assemble (7) 26. Fool (5) 27. Native New Zealander (5)
28. Stately home (5) 29. Agrees (7) 30. Facade (5) 31. Taut (5) ....................................................................................
Down ± 2. Red Indian (6) 3. Oxen (6) 4. Previous day (3) 5. Earlier (5)
Tel No. ......................................................................
6. Liberate (7) 7. Paradise (4) 8. Coercion (6) 12. Rips (5) 13. Fire (5)
14. Wear away (5) 15. Passage (5) 16. Feat of daring (5) 18. Race Favourite page in Chatterbox ..................................
meeting (5) 19. Foretell (7) 21. Mend (6) 22. Gratify (6) 23. Thespians (6)
25. Enciphered (5) 26. Middle East country (4) 28. Encountered (3) Where I got my copy from ......................................

15
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DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD
A teacher noticed that a young boy at the back of
the class was squirming around, scratching his
crotch, and not paying attention. She went back
to find out what was going on. He was quite
embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently
been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The
teacher told him to go down to the principal's office
to telephone his mother and ask her what he should
do about it. He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of
the room. She went back to investigate only to find
him sitting at his desk with his ``private part''
hanging out.
``I thought I told you to call your mum!'' she said.
``I did,'' he said, ``And she told me that if I could
stick it out until lunchtime, she'd come and pick me
up from school.
A GOOD LESSON
I was walking down the street when I was accosted
23
by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless
woman who asked me for a couple of pounds for
dinner. I took out my purse, got out ten pounds and
asked, ``If I give you this money, will you buy wine
with it instead of dinner?''
``No, I had to stop drinking years ago'', the
homeless woman told me.
``Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying
food?'' I asked.
``No, I don't waste time shopping,'' the homeless
woman said. ``I need to spend all my time trying to
stay alive.''
``Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of
food?'' I asked.
``Are you NUTS!'' replied the homeless woman.
``I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!''
``Well, I said, ``I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner
with my husband and me tonight.''
The homeless woman was shocked. ``Won't your
husband be furious with you for doing that? I know
I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.''
I said, ``That's okay. It's important for him to see
what a woman looks like after she has given up
shopping, hair appointments, and wine.''
EVERY LAST PENNY
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 pennies to play with to
keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts
choking, going blue in the face. The father realises
the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts
slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two
of the pennies, but keeps choking. Looking at his
son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking
woman, in a blue business suit, is sitting at a coffee
bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts
her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and
places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and
makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
24
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his
trousers; takes hold of the boy's bits and starts to
squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so
firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses
violently and coughs up the last penny, which the
woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing
the boy, the woman hands the penny to the father
and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without
saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no
ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and
starts thanking her saying, ``I've never seen anybody
do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are
you a doctor?''
``No,'' the woman replied. ``I'm with the Inland
Revenue . . .''
FROZEN CRABS & THE BLONDE
STEWARDESS
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a
box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to
take care of them for him. She took the box and
promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He
advised her that he was holding her personally
responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a
very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and
proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if
she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his
behaviour. Shortly before landing in New York,
she used the intercom to announce to the entire
cabin, ``Would the gentleman who gave me the
crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?''
Not one hand went up . . . so she took them home
and ate them.
WELSH TRIP
On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists
were driving through Wales. At Llanfairpwllgwyn-
gyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they
stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked
the waitress, ``Before we order, I wonder if you could
25
settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where
we are, very, very, very slowly?''
The girl leaned over and said, ``Burrr . . . gurrr . . .
king''!
SEARCH AND RESCUE
A search and rescue team was assembled and sent on
a mission to find an aeroplane that had crashed on
top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any
survivors. After finally reaching the top of the
mountain, they came upon the crash site. At the
site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a
tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto
a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.
``Thank you, God!'' he cried out in relief. ``I am
saved!''
The rescue team did not move, as they were in
shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this
lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades.
The survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung
his own head in shame. ``You can't judge me for
this,'' he insisted. ``I had to survive. Is it so wrong to
want to live?''
The leader of the rescue team stepped forward,
shaking his head in disbelief. ``I won't judge you for
doing what was necessary to survive but, my God,
man, your plane only went down yesterday!'
JUST PERFECT
A man walks to Piccadilly Circus in London during
a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi
straight away. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie
says: ``Perfect timing. You're just like Paul.''
``Who?'' says the man.
``Paul Jones. He was a man who got everything
right. Like my taxi being free during a rainstorm. It
would have happened for Paul.''
``Surely no one is perfect. There are always a few
clouds over everybody,'' the man replies.
``Not Paul,'' says the cabbie. ``He was a great
athlete. He could have turned professional at
football or tennis and he danced like Fred Astaire.
26
He was handsome and sophisticated, more than
George Clooney. He had a better body than Brad
Pitt in his prime. He was something! Somehow Paul
just knew exactly how to make women happy. He
had a memory like a computer. He could remember
everybody's birthday. He could fix anything. Not
like me. I change a fuse and the whole house blacks
out.''
``No wonder you remember him!'' says the man.
``I never actually met Paul,'' admits the cabbie.
``Then how do you know so much about him?''
asks the man.
``After he died I married his wife.''
SAFELY HOME
A henpecked man and his wife went on holiday to
Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed
away. The local undertaker told the husband, ``You
can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can
bury her here in the Holy Land, for £150.''
The man thought about it and told him he would
just as soon have her shipped home. The undertaker
was surprised. ``Why would you spend £5,000 to ship
your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be
buried here and only cost you £150?''
The man replied, ``Long ago a man died here, was
buried here, and three days later he rose from the
dead. I just can't take that chance.''
DON'T RUN OUT OF FAITH!
A couple of nuns had gone out to the country for
picnic. On the way back they were a few miles from
home when their car ran out of petrol. They were
standing beside their car on the hard shoulder when
a lorry approached. Seeing ladies of the cloth in
distress, the driver stopped to offer his help. The
nuns explained they needed some petrol. The driver
of the truck said he would gladly drain some from his
tank, but he didn't have a bucket or can. One of the
nuns dug out a clean bedpan and asked the driver if
he could use that. He said yes, and proceeded to
drain a couple of gallons into the pan. He waved
27
goodbye to the nuns and left.
The nuns were carefully pouring the precious fluid
into their petrol tank when the police came by. The
policeman stopped and watched for a minute, then
he said: ``Sisters, I don't think it will work, but I
really do admire your faith!''
DISTRESSED BLONDE
A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde
crying. He approaches her and asks why she's crying.
She tells him she just found out her mother died.
The manager tells her to take the rest of the day off
and not to worry about work.
Later, the manager calls the blonde to see how
she's doing. The blonde is crying harder than before.
He tries to console her, but he can't.
The blonde says, ``I was calling everyone to let
them know about my mother's death and I found out
something horrible.''
``What?'' the manager asks.
``I found out my sister's mum died too!'
SUPER SELF ESTEEM
A man walked into a therapist's office, looking really
depressed. ``Doctor, you've got to help me,'' he said.
``I can't go on like this.''
``What's the problem?'' asked the doctor.
``Well, I am 35 years old and I still have no luck
with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem
to scare them away.''
``My friend,'' said the doctor, ``this is not a serious
problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem.
Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the
bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good
person, a fun person and an attractive person. But
say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll
have women buzzing all around you.'' The man
seemed content with this advice and walked out
intent on putting it into practice.
Three weeks later he returned to the doctor's office
wearing the same downtrodden expression on his face.
``Didn't my advice work?'' inquired the doctor.
``It worked all right,'' said the man. ``For the past
28
three weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments
in my life with the most fabulous looking women.''
``So what's your problem?'
``I don't have a problem,'' replied the man. ``My
wife does.''
TAKE A HIKE
A father came home from a long business trip to find
his young son riding a brand new bicycle. ``How did
you get the money to buy a new bike?'' he asked.
``I earned it hiking,'' replied the boy.
``Don't be silly. How can you earn that much
money hiking?''
``Well,'' explained the boy, ``every night while you
were away Mr Brown from the bank came over to see
Mum. He'd give me a twenty pound note and tell me
to take a hike.''
JUST THE TICKET
Tom was broke. His business had gone bust and in
desperation, he prayed to God to make him win the
lottery. But he was out of luck and had to sell his car.
The next week he again prayed to God to make him
win the lottery, but once more he was out of luck
and had to sell his house. With his wife about to
leave him, Tom made one last plea to God to make
him win the lottery. God came back to him and said:
``Listen, Tom, meet me halfway on this ± buy a
ticket.''
LIVE LONG
An old man boasted about his fitness to a group of
youngsters. ``Every morning,'' he said, ``I do fifty
push-ups, fifty sit-ups and walk two miles. I'm as fit
as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't
smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't
chase after women. And tomorrow I'm going to
celebrate my ninety-seventh birthday.''
``Oh really?'' said one of the youngsters. ``How?''
A DROP OR TWO
An elderly lady walked into the bar on a cruise ship
29
and ordered a scotch with two drops of water. As the
bartender poured it, she revealed that it was her
eightieth birthday. Hearing this, a fellow passenger
offered to buy her a drink. ``That's very kind of you,''
she said. ``I'll have another scotch with two drops of
water.''
As news of the celebration spread, four more
passengers offered to buy her a drink. Each time she
asked for a scotch with two drops of water. The
bartender was amazed at her drinking capacity but
was puzzled why she always asked for two drops of
water.
``Well,'' she said, ``when you're my age, you learn
how to hold alcohol. But water is a different
matter!''
GOLF ON THE SLY
A married man was having an affair with his
secretary. One day, their passions overcame them
and they took off for her house, where they made
passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the
wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman
to take his shoes outside and rub them through the
grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied
and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
``Where have you been?'' demanded his wife when
he entered the house.
``Darling,'' replied the man, ``I can't lie to you. I've
been having an affair with my secretary and we've
been making love all afternoon. I fell asleep and
didn't wake up until eight o'clock.''
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, ``You
lying pig! You've been playing golf!''
THE BELLBOY
Three couples were married and stayed at the same
hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all
taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them
to their room and thought to himself, ``What a lucky
guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot''.
30
The second man married a telephone operator.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to
himself,``Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone opera-
tors have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button . . . Va-voom''.
The third man married a school teacher. Dave
showed them to their room and thought to himself,
``Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too
frigid''.
The next morning, Dave reported to work at
5:30a.m in the morning. He expected only the
teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute
and the other two would call much later in the day.
At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's
husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband
opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock.
The man's pyjamas were still pressed and his hair
nicely combed. Dave asked, ``What happened sir?
You married a nurse''.
The man sourly replies, ``Son, don't ever marry a
nurse. All I heard last night was her nagging voice
saying, `You're not clean, and you're not sanitary'.''
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again. The
telephone operator's husband called for breakfast.
Dave brought it as fast as possible hoping for the
best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped
back in shock. The man's hair and pyjamas were
properly combed and pressed. Dave asked, ``What
happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be
as sexy as their voices.''
The man sourly replies ``Son, don't ever marry a
telephone operator. All I heard last night was her
nasal voice saying, `You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up'.''
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing
the teacher's husband would be calling any minute.
Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for
breakfast. Dave can't believe it but quickly took the
breakfast to the couple's room. The man opened the
door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man
was wearing only his boxers, his hair was a mess, and
he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and legs.
31
Dave fearing the worst asked, ``What happened to
you? Did you have a fight?''
The man smiled and happily replied, ``No. Son,
when you marry, be sure to marry a schoolteacher.
All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice
saying, `We are going to do this over and over, until
we get right'.''
SHOPLIFTING
An 80-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her,
``What did you steal?''
She replied: ``A can of peaches.''
The judge asked her why she had stolen them and
she replied that she was hungry. The judge then
asked her how many peaches were in the can. She
replied six. The judge then said, ``I will give you 6
days in jail.''
Before the judge could actually pronounce the
punishment the woman's husband spoke up and
asked the judge if he could say something.
 He said, ``What is it?''
The husband said ``She also stole a can of peas.''
HOT STUFF
There was a couple who had been married for 50
years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one
morning when the old gentleman said to his wife,
``Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years.''
``Yeah,'' she replied, ``Just think, fifty years ago we
were sitting here at this breakfast table together.''
``Yep,'' the old man said, ``We were probably
sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.''
``Well,'' the woman sniggered, ``What do you say
. . . should we get naked?''
Sure enough, the two stripped down to the buff
and sat down at the table.
``You know, honey,'' the little old lady replied
breathlessly, ``My boobies are as hot for you today as
they were fifty years ago.''
``I wouldn't be surprised,'' replied the old man.
``One's in your coffee and the other's in your porridge!''
32
SCARDEY PANTS
Two new members of a hunting lodge get introduced
to its oldest member. They ask him to tell his
favourite hunting story, and he agrees.
``Well, back in 1944 in Africa,'' the old man
starts, ``we went big-game hunting. Didn't have
much luck at first, but on the third day I was resting
by a tree when I heard a noise. Next thing I know
the biggest lion I've ever seen jumped out of the
bushes at me like this . . . RO-A-A-R-R-R! Well, I
just messed my pants.''
The young men are amazed. One of them says, ``I
don't blame you. I'd mess my pants too if a lion
jumped at me like that!''
The old man shakes his head and says, ``No, no,
not then ± just now when I said roar!''
IT'S ALL IN THE NAME
A little Native American boy asked his father, the
big chief and witchdoctor of the tribe, ``Papa, why is
it that we always have long names, while the white
men have shorter names like Bill, Tex or Sam?''
His father replied, ``Look, son, our names
represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture
not like the white men, who live all together and
repeat their names from generation to generation.
For example, your sister is named Romantic Moon
Over The Lake because, on the night she was born,
there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.
Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the
Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big
white horse who gallops over the prairies of the
world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our
capacity to live and the life force of our people. It's
very simple and easy to understand. Do you have any
other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in
China?''
TOP 10 FUNNIESTJOKES OF THE FRINGE
FESTIVAL 2022
1. I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the
female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta ±
Masai Graham
2. Did you know, if you get pregnant in the
Amazon, it's next day delivery? ± Mark Simmons
3. My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo
cubes made me a laughing stock ± Olaf Falafel
4. By my age, my parents had a house and a family,
and to be fair to me, so do I, but it is the same
house and the same family ± Hannah Fair-
weather
5. I hate funerals. I'm not a mourning person ± Will
Mars
6. I spent the whole morning building a time
machine, so that's four hours of my life that I'm
definitely getting back ± Olaf Falafel
7. I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx ±
Richard Pulsford
8. I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what
changed my life? Cutlery ± Tim Vine
9. Don't knock threesomes. Having a threesome is
like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate ±
Sophie Duker
10. I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these
days ± Will Duggan
ECONOMISING
An elderly spinster called the solicitors office and
told the receptionist she wanted to see a solicitor
about having a will prepared. The receptionist
suggested they set up an appointment for a
33
convenient time for the spinster to come into the
office. The woman replied, ``You must understand,
I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I
don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the
solicitor to come to my house?'' The receptionist
checked with the solicitor who agreed and he went
to the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her
estate and the will.
The solicitor's first question was, ``Would you
please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd
like them to be distributed under your will?''
She replied, ``Beside the furniture and accessories
you see here, I have £30,000 in my savings account
at the bank.''
``Tell me'' the solicitor said, ``How would you like
the £30,000 to be distributed?''
The spinster said, ``Well, as I've told you, I've
lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever
noticed me, so I'd like them to notice me when I
pass on. I'd like to provide £25,000 for my funeral.''
The solicitor remarked, ``Well for £25,000 you
will be able to have a funeral that certainly will be
noticed and will leave a lasting impression on
anyone who may not have taken much notice of
you! But tell me,'' he continued, ``What would you
like to do with the remaining £5,000?''
The spinster replied, ``As you know I have never
been married, I've lived alone almost my entire life,
and in fact I've never slept with a man, so before I
die, I'd like you to use the £5,000 to arrange for a
man to sleep with me.''
``This is a very unusual request,'' the solicitor said,
adding, ``but I'll see what I can arrange and get back
to you.''
That evening the solicitor was at home telling his
wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird
request. After thinking of how much she could do
around the house with £5,000 and with a bit of
coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the
service himself. She said, ``I'll drive you over
tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you're
finished.''
The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's
house and waited while he went into the house. She
waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't
come out. So she blew the car horn. Shortly the
upstairs window opened, the solicitor stuck his head
out and yelled, ``Pick me up tomorrow! She's going
to let the council bury her!''
34
35
36
37
38
39
 What's Going On?
COVENTRY PROBUS CLUB
Coventry Probus Club for retired professional and businessmen
meets at St James Hall on Knoll Drive, Coventry at10.15 a.m. on the
first Friday of each month for tea/coffee and a presentation by a
guest speaker. For details of past and future events, see
https://coventryprobus.org.uk/ We also meet socially for lunches,
strolls and other events, with partners.
Contact secretary Ray Starkey at 024 76411929 or
starkeyrb@outlook.com for details.
BRITISH PENSIONERS' AND TRADE UNION
ACTION ASSOCIATION
Coventry and Warwickshire Branch
Affiliated to West Midlands Pensioners'Convention.
Meets third Thursday of every month at Coventry Council House,
Often with guest speakers.
Membership »5 per annum.
Monthly newsletter with articles and quiz of interest to pensioners.
Annual social following AGM in March.
Annual outings to places of interest.
Annual trip to Burston Strike Rally in Norfolk.
Join at any meeting.
PINLEY OVER 60'S CLUB
We meet at Aldermoor Life Centre Community Centre, Roundhouse
Road, Stoke Aldermoor, Coventry CV3 1DA everyThursday from
12.30 to 2.30 pm for Bingo,Tea/Coffee and a chat.
We have coach trips throughout the year
All aged 55 years and over welcome.
For more information, call Jean Marsden on 07879 008 959
EARLSDON WOMEN'S INSTITUTE
Looking for friendship, laughter and new interests?
These are all available at Earlsdon WI with morning and/or evening
meetings to fit your schedule.
We have excellent speakers on a great variety of topics alongside
smaller groups such as walking, lunch and craft groups together
with outings and more!
Meetings are held on the 2nd Thursday of the month 7.30pm-
9.30pm and the 4thThursday of the month10.30am-12.30pm with
the exception of August.
All meetings are held at St Barbara's Church Hall, Rochester Road,
Earlsdon, Coventry CV5 6AG
Please email Earlsdonwi2022@outlook.com for further
information or just come along and meet us.
IN-PERSON ARTHRITIS ACTION GROUP
Arthritis Action are happy to announce in-person group meetings in
Coventry.We are really looking forward to seeing you again in
person following a pause of our face-to-face events due to the
COVID-19 pandemic.We hope that you can join us.
These meetings are a great opportunity for you to meet others in
your area with arthritis, and share your tips, and experiences with
others about how you can manage your arthritis with confidence.
Next date: 7 November
All 2pm at Salvation Army Centre, Upper Well Street, Coventry
To book your place or if you have any further questions please
contact info@arthritisaction.org.uk or call 0203 7817120

JERRY'S OUTLOOK
We are a group who meet at the John White Community Centre in
Grange Avenue Binley every Wednesday 11.00 till 12.30 (tea, coffee
and biscuits available) for socialising and chatting and optional
activities including indoor bowling, dominoes, word games,
monthly quizzes, guest speakers, and coach trips, etc.We are a very
friendly group open to people of any age but at present mainly older
people. Transport can be provided by the`Ring and Ride'.
New members are always very welcome and more details can be
obtained fromVeronica (7645 6679) or David (7645 0703).

COVENTRY SOCIAL CIRCLE

The Coventry Social Circle (formerly Coventry Wine Circle) meet at
St Christophers Church Hall,Winsford Avenue, Allesley Park,
Coventry on the third Tuesday of every month at 8 pm.
We have a variety of speakers and interactive evenings including
Saturday evenings for Valentines Dance, Annual Dinner, Skittles
nights, etc.We also arrange Holidays, Short Breaks, Day trips, etc.
It is a non-profit-making circle purely for social gatherings with
friends.Why not come along and join us to see what we are all about.
For more information contact June Britain on 02476 460874.

CHRISTMAS BAZAAR AND CRAFT FAYRE

Baginton Rd URC
On Saturday 26th November
From 10am to 2pm
Teas, coffee and light lunches will be available.
There will be a wide range of crafts and the usual bazaar stalls.

40
What's Going On?
CHEYLESMORE GOOD NEIGHBOURS
Are you interested in making new friends, listening to interesting
speakers, joining us for a trip to the theatre or days out?

We meet every two weeks on a Friday afternoon 2pm±4pm at

Quinton Park Baptist Church Hall.

For further information, contact

Frances on 07787 597467

CHEYLESMORE GOOD NEIGHBOURS

ONE-TO-ONE COMPUTER GUIDANCE
Cheylesmore Good Neighbours is an organisation staffed entirely by
volunteers.We offer one-to-one computer guidance sessions in
conjunction with student volunteers from Warwick University.

The 90-minute sessions cost »8.00 each, and are held at Quinton
Park Baptist Church Hall, Cheylesmore. The sessions are ideal for
absolute beginners, people who wish to improve their skills or gain
more confidence on their device.We do not provide advanced tuition
in specialist topics.

You would be allocated a volunteer and learn on your own device. As

you would set the agenda for what you want to learn, you work
entirely at your own pace. If you do not own a device, we could lend
you a laptop for the session.

If you are interested, contact Alex Robinson on 07737 511215.

(You can text or leave a message and we will get back to you).
As places are limited booking is essential.

COVENTRY MALE VOICE CHOIR

Coventry MaleVoice Choir is a traditional four-part harmony
amateur choir with charity status.We rehearse on Wednesday
evenings for two hours from 7:30pm at the Woodside Avenue
Methodist Church Hall, near to the Burnt Post pub, and we sing
publicly in our own concerts or with other choirs.

If you are interested in singing with us, please contact

in the first instance ccmvcsecretary@gmail.com.

41

HAPPY MESSAGES
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY Hamish
Windmill. Lots of love from Grandma and
Grandad. 8 8 8
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY Hamish
Windmill. Lots of love from Mummy and
Daddy. 8 8 8
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY Hamish
Windmill. Lots of love and cuddles from
Nanny and Grandad. 8 8 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Charlotte on October
28th. Love from all the family. 8 8 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Grace Williams. 95
years on October 5th. Amazing grace.
From Ken. 8 8 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Chatterbox
Magazine for November 7th. Thanks for
all you do for us. Love always, Emilie,
Chantia, Christian and all the animals.
888
MISCELLANEOUS
HI to Coventry females. My name is Mark
from Coventry, seeking female for
friendship and possible relationship. Call
or text 07895 597070
FOR SALE
FOR SALE Sony 4K VHD 43 00 television,
2019 model, excellent condition. Remote
control, HDMI cable included. »130. Tel.
07970 935280.
FOR SALE Complete disco light & mic
amp CD players, 2 sets speakers. Used to
be Second Chance Roadshow. Offers. Tel.
02476 613 422.
FOR SALE Various shoes, all size 6:
Hotters shoes. 4 similar style summer
shoes ± white ± pale blue ± deep blue ± grey
1 pair fawn shoes
1 pair cream comfort shoes
1 pair navy winter shoes
1 pair Fanny Sola cream Spanish shoes
1 pair black Van Dall shoes
1 pair black cushion walk with flower
1 pair navy Chix pull-on easy wear day time
1 pair dark grey pull-on
Prices woud be discussed.
Tel. 02476 615 078.

Chatterbox Classified Free Advertising: Fill in the form below for any For Sale,Wanted or Happy Messages. Send
to Chatterbox, 2 Alpine Rise, Coventry CV3 6NT.
I would like the following advertisement/happy message to appear in the next edition of Chatterbox.
Closing date is November 7th 2022
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42
 THE FINALWORD
COMPETITION RESULTS
The competition winners from the August/September 2022 edition were John Oldham of Franciscan Road,
Cheylesmore, Coventry who won a meal for two at The Festival Public House, Leaf Lane Coventry with
their correct crossword entry. Emily Jones of Crossway Road, Green Lane, Coventry won £10 from Spot
The Difference sponsored by Chatterbox Magazine and last but not least the ever popular wordsearch
sponsored by Chatterbox Magazine was won by Mrs S Flowers of Doncaster Close, Henley Green,
Coventry who wins a £30 cash prize to spend on whatever they want! As always I would like to thank all of
you who took the time and trouble to enter the competitions, I truly wish there could be more than one
winner for the competitions but that's life! Sorry if you were not a lucky winner this time but please try again
with the many competitions to enter in this issue, you stand far more chance of winning with Chatterbox
Magazine than you would on the lottery!!!
Also, for those readers that enter all or many of the competitions please note you do not have to send all
your entries in separate envelopes, save yourselves some money also I will accept photocopied com-
petition entries or even entries written on a piece of paper if you prefer not to cut up your edition of the
magazine.
ONLY ONE ENTRY PER FAMILY FOR EACH COMPETITION PLEASE.

ANSWERS TO to
Answers WHO
WhoWANTS
Wants TO
To BE A Millionaire
Be A MILLIONAIRE

For £500 d); for £1,000 b); for £3,000 d); for £5,000 c); for £10,000 c); for £20,000 a); for £40,000 d);
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2022
Please send any letters, local news
or articles to Chatterbox, 2 Alpine
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43