Behavioural & Allied Sciences 5

Unit - 1 Understanding Self

Notes
Structure
1.1 Importance of Self
1.2 Self Concept
1.3 Importance of Self awareness in Building Self Concept
1.4 Self Acceptance

Objectives
After going through this unit, you will understand:
1. Importance of self for humans
2. Meaning of self concept
3. Enhancing self acceptance
4. Understanding TEA model of human personality

Introduction
“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that is
your own self.”

The core of human development is self. The personal effectiveness starts from
within. Self is the power house which facilitates overall development of an individual.
It helps you to know your hidden potentialities which are the true sources of energy
and motivation. Self-confidence, self-motivation, positive attitude, taking initiative,
perseverance, meaningful relationships, impact making and belief system are crucial
ingredients for achieving success. This is only possible by believing in “your self”.

1.1 Importance of Self

Self
Self is the core of core competencies. Competency means knowledge, skills and
attitude. Being competent means you keep on updating your knowledge, skills and
attitude. This up-gradation and enhancement to the greatest extent is only possible if
you know your real self. Self integrates our Thoughts- T, Emotions- E and Actions-A,
which is also known as T-E-A system of a personality. To know our real self we have
to understand, analyse and evaluate our TEA system. This system emphasises that
people cannot change their ways of acting unless they first change their thinking and
feelings about the target behaviours.

The concept our ‘self’ underlines the way in which we communicate, through our
behaviour with other people. If, for example, we feel shy, lack confidence and see
ourselves as fragile and powerless, we are likely to communicate this to others in the
way we behave. Or conversely, we will try to cover up our feelings about ourselves and
‘put on a front’ of being macho and aggressive. If we are, by nature, highly introverted
we learn to compensate for this in order to cope with our shyness. Often one finds
people whose behaviour seems ‘over the top’, put are actually very shy people,
whereas they appear to be very gregarious and extrovert. The understanding of the self
enables awareness and deeper self-acceptance. Our sense of self is lost in all kinds of
different things. The solution is to still the mind, to get in touch with one’s self in order to
able to be a silent witness to one’s self through, attitude, emotions and behaviour.

There are two people within us as real me and role me. That is we all have a ‘real
self’ somewhere inside. With some people it is locked away and only their nearest and
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Notes dearest know that ‘self’. Sometimes not even then other people reveal their ‘real self’
more readily to other’s. The ‘role me’ self is the person we communicate to the world
through our behaviour. We all have one, but with some people, it is a thicker crust than
others. At work, it is likely that people present their role me rather than real me, and
as managers it is important to remember that sometimes we receive communication
through behaviour from the people with whom we work which we find difficult to cope
with, but we need to think why the people are behaving in such a way and what is the
real meaning behind their behaviour?

1.2 Self Concept

The behaviour we display to others – our overt behaviour – be it verbal or non-
verbal conscious or unconscious, is like the tip of an iceberg. It communicates what
they cannot see of us-our covert self, that which is below the tip of the iceberg.
Remember that the largest part of the iceberg is below the surface and cannot be seen
in our thoughts, feelings attitudes, beliefs, values and so on. A successful career may
depend more on how you feel about yourself than your talents. The concept you
have of yourself will also influence your relationship with others. For example, you might
see yourself as a warm, friendly person, yet your staff might see you as a loud and
offensive boor!

To be effective in your personal and professional life, you need first to have a
realistic view of yourself.

Negative Self-Concept
If people see themselves as failures and have a negative, pessimistic image of
themselves, they will begin to act the part. Negative feelings feed on themselves and
become a downward spiral, gradually encompassing all the person’s thought, actions
and relationships. People with negative self-concepts tend to complain constantly and
find it difficult to accept criticism.

Positive Self – Concept

People who believe in themselves and are confident about their ability to deal
with problems, make decisions and feel equal to others have respect for themselves
and expect it from others. These are people who are realistic in their assessment of
themselves and can admit to a wide range of feelings, behaviours and needs.

Of course, few people have entirely negative or positive self-concepts, but how we
see ourselves does have a bearing on our different roles. So, if the behaviour we use is
based on the concept we have of ourselves. Then how we form our self concept? It is
formed through self-awareness and self-acceptance.

Activity
Try thinking about the following questions:

What do you think about life?

Is the world friendly, unfriendly, threatening, exciting or what is it? The way you
answer this question will depend on whether you have a positive or negative concept of
yourself.

What would you want other people to think about you?

Do you see yourself as a ‘born manager’ or a ‘successful person’ and wish to see
that image confirmed by others? You will try to live up to that ‘label’.

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What do you think about others? Notes

We tend to view others in comparison with our values and ‘labels’. For example, if
we are generally punctual, we will probably expect others also be so.

How do you interpret messages?

Do you accept messages which confirm your self-image but reject those that don’t –
by misinterpreting, distorting or ignoring them? Remember, we are likely to see people
around us in terms of how they respond to our image of ourselves.

*Note: A positive answers to these questions leads to the development of a positive

personality

1.3 Importance of Self Awareness in Building the Self Concept

Self-Awareness
“You will seek me and find me,

When you search for me with all your heart”

Jeremiah

Self-awareness is the first and primary step in self-development, a precursor to self-

development. The more you are aware of yourselves, the more is the scope for self-
development. Developing accurate self-awareness of self and reality through honest,
integrated thinking is the prime responsibility for all human beings. Such awareness is
necessary in both our personal and working lives and is available only to those who
exert constant, rational thinking efforts toward understanding self and reality- and the
relationship between the two. No one can deliver that understanding to another. But by
reflecting personal values, one can enhance person’s self-awareness. To know one-self
better, we should ask the following questions.

• Who am I?

Aspects of one’s life which seem very simple yet are very powerful, like knowledge,
skills, health, family and social commitments, responsibilities, opportunities,
interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes.

• Where have I come from?

A through knowledge of one’s background helps us to understand our past. These

factors could be - family, geographical location, and ancestry.

Knowing the formative influences and identifying the accompanying attitudes and
beliefs may help us to discover the real us. Formative influences can have an
empowering or a crippling effect on lour future life.

• Where am I going?

This relates to one’s dreams and ambitions, choice of career and vocation.

• What is stopping me?

This involves knowing the barriers to one’s progress/development. One needs to

be aware of these blocks so that one can choose a way to deal with them. Some
of these blocks/barriers are: poor problem - solving skills, lack of motivation, fear,
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Notes tendency to be a perfectionist, lack of confidence, resources, opportunities, clarity

to goals and a negative self-concept. If one is aware of such barriers, one can try to
overcome these with perseverance and diligence.

• How will I get there?

This question relates to planning in order to reach/ achieve one’s goals. One might
take a decision which may change one’s life, but if one does do not plan it properly
it may never materialize. Planning for success involves aspects like- discipline,
clear cut goals, time management, realising and working towards development of
effective work values and ethics, and getting proper career guidance.

• What help do I need?

This involves resources to be made available to achieve success in one’s

endeavours- like finances, time, support system, access to the required material
resources and authorities.

• What will it be like when I get there?

One must be able to visualise one’s ambitions i.e., what will it be like when one gets
what one wanted. Repeating such images will strengthen one’s capacity to resolve
problems and initiate one’s commitment towards the goal.

Developing an accurate understating of self and reality is crucial self-responsibility

for personal power. Having a high level of self-awareness is about shedding
personal delusions and/ or limiting beliefs; requiring anticipation based on
experience. It is about overcoming fears and having a powerful sense of purpose.
The key to self-awareness is getting to grips with a more realistic view of ourselves.

Any individual or an institute/organisation which have survived through the years

and have grown to the world status are the ones that had a clear ethical sense
of who and what they were and where they wanted to be. And this can be only
achieved through better self awareness.

Success is not determined by how we are doing compared with others, but how
we are doing compared with what we are capable of doing. Self aware individuals
complete with themselves, they better their own records and keep moving
constantly for personal and professional growth.

Self-awareness also means that there is little chance of the individual joining a
team where he/she could not be his/her own self. It is possible to be considerate
of others and, at the same time, not influenced by peer group pressure. The most
attractive teams are those that encourage an individual to be his/her own self
and a part of the team (Scott Arbuthonot, 1998).

1.4 Self-Acceptance
Having become aware of who you really are, rather than the person you would wish
to be, the next step on the self-concept journey is to accept yourself. This does not
mean being smug, complacent, and uncritical. But it does mean building on the qualities
you are satisfied with and working to change or improve the ones you are not happy
with. It is not easy, particularly when you are constantly being evaluated by others-
parents, children, partners, colleagues at work and so on. You have to accept and be
responsible for your ‘TEA’ system, i.e., thoughts, emotions and actions.

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Once you become aware of yourself and start introspecting and have courage to Notes
accept your ‘self’ the way you are, that is the high point which gives you the insight of
self actualisation. The term ‘Self-actualisation’ was used by Maslow in his motivation
theory. We can also use the term ‘Self-realisation’ which helps you to realise your inner
potentialities. This step on the self-concept route involves growth and development
motivated from within you. It is a willingness to pursue your ‘ideal self’ on your own, to
grow and to change, because you think it is important.

This is where you take steps to make things happen for you. You know you
potential and you actively pursue it. You know what you want to do, what is right for
you and consequently you set and maintain personal standards and are open to new
experiences.

Having become aware of who you really are (as you are now, and as you see your
‘ideal self’) having accepted that person as a perfectly good and capable human being,
and having decided on how you are going to work towards “actualising: or developing
your “ideal self”, you are now a confident individual. The final stage towards a mature
self-concept is how you are going to reveal your ‘self’ and this is where the importance
of self-awareness comes again. You need to know yourself well before you can disclose
or reveal anything to others about your ‘real self’. Before revealing your strength,
weakness advantages and disadvantages of your personality, it is essential to be aware
of yourself so that you can plan and achieve a realistic goal as per your own strengths
and weaknesses.

Most of us are not aware of our hidden talents. Albert Einstein once said that only
one-tenth of this brain was utilised. If a world famous scientist like Einstein used only
10 percent of his talents, then we need to question as to how much of our talents are
hidden and need to be explored. The tragedy is that we are not even aware that major
portion of our talents are hidden. Therefore to create this awareness, we need to first
and foremost understand our SELF and this understanding will build healthy foundation
to be successful and happy personality.

Check your progress

1. Core of core competency is:

a. Self b. Self acceptance

c. Self concept d. Personality

2. __________ is the most importance ingredient in the formation of self concept

a. Self b. Self awareness

c. Negative self concept d. Positive self concept

3. In TEA model, which of the following are not involved:

a. Thoughts b. Emotions

c. Actions d. Acceptance

4. Building self awareness would include questions like:

a. Who am I?

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Notes b. What are my strengths and weaknesses?

c. What are my goals? d. All of the above

5. Self-concept is the power house which facilitates development of:

a. Attitude b. Personality

c. Self Esteem d. All of the above

Questions and Exercises

1. What do you understand by ‘Self’?

2. Differentiate between negative and positive self concept.

3. Explain the role of self awareness in the formation of self concept.

4. Elucidate TEA model.

5. “Self” is an Organisation, like “Self Incorporation” of personality wherein

TEA Model is a system which helps in effective functioning for personal and
professional life. Comment and explain with personal and professional
examples.

Further Reading
1 Understanding the self- By Richard Stevens.

2 Understanding Will Self- By M. Hunter Hayes

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Behavioural & Allied Sciences 11
Unit - 2 Self Esteem
Notes
Structure
2.1 Self Efficacy and Self Respect
2.2 The dual Pillars of Self Esteem
2.3 Components of Self Esteem
2.4 Building a Positive Self Esteem
2.4 Activity
2.5 Check your Progress
2.6 Questions and Exercises
2.7 Further Readings

Objectives
After going through this unit, you will understand:
1. Understanding Self-esteem
2. Differentiating self-efficacy from self-respect
3. Facilitating positive self-esteem

Introduction
“The essence of Self-esteem is compassion for your self”. — Mathew Mc Kay

All over the world, today, there is an awakening about the importance of self-esteem.
We recognise that just as a human being cannot hope to realize his or her potential
without self esteem, neither can a society whose members do not value themselves
flourish and grow.

Self-esteem is a way of thinking, feeling, and acting that implies that you accept,
respect, trust, believe and love yourself.

 When you accept yourself, you can live comfortably with both your personal
strengths and weaknesses, without undue self-criticism.

 When you respect yourself, you acknowledge your own dignity and value as a
unique human being. You treat yourself well in much the same way you would treat
someone else you respect.

 Self-trust means that your behaviours and feelings are consistent enough to give
you an inner sense of continuity and coherence despite changes and challenges in
your external circumstances.

 To believe in yourself means that you feel you deserve to have the good things
in life. It also means that you have confidence that you can fulfill your deepest
personal needs, aspirations, and goals.

 To love yourself means you feel good about yourself and this feel-good factor is
essential for self esteem and mental health. All mental health issues start when
there is lack of love for oneself and from others. As a Psychologist, I would state
that most of the mental health problems are ingrained in human emotions. It is
rightly said “Love is the only Solution”.

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Notes To get a sense about your own level of self-esteem, think of someone (or imagine
what it would be like to know someone) whom you fully accept, respect, trust, and
believe in. Now ask yourself to what extent you hold these attitudes towards yourself.
Where would you place yourself on the following scale:

Very Low Very-High

Self-Esteem Self-Esteem
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
A fundamental truth about self-esteem is that it needs to come from within. When
self-esteem is low, the deficiency creates a feeling of emptiness which you may try to
fill by latching on-often compulsively-to something external that provides a temporary
sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. When the quest to fill you inner emptiness by
appropriating something from outside becomes desperate, repetitive, or automatic,
you have, what is called, an addiction. Broadly defined, addiction is an attachment
to something or someone outside yourself that you feel you need to provide a sense
of inner satisfaction or relief. Frequently this attachment substitutes preoccupation
with a substances or activity for healthy human relationships. It may also substitute a
temporary feeling of control or power for a more lasting sense of inner confidence and
strength.

A healthy alternative to addiction is to work on building you self–esteem. Growing in

self-esteem means developing confidence and strength from within. While still enjoying
life fully, you no longer need to appropriate or identify with something someone outside
yourself to feel O.K. The basis for your self-worth is internal. As such, it is much more
lasting and stable.

While one sometimes speaks of self-esteem as a conviction about oneself, it is more

accurate to speak of disposition to experience oneself a particular way.

To Recapitulate
1. As fundamentally competent to cope with the challenges of life; thus, trust in one’s
mind and its processes; self-efficacy.

2. A worthy of success and happiness; thus, the perception of oneself as someone to

whose achievement, success, respect, friendship and love, are appropriate; self-
respect.

3. Self esteem means accepting, respecting, loving and trusting one-self.

Self-esteem means truly loving valuing yourself. This is quite different from being an
obnoxious, overblown egomaniac. Self-esteem means you have accepted yourself
as you are but continue to work on improving yourself. While that process is taking
place, you have a healthy appreciation for yourself-your best qualities and your
finest achievements.

To determine whether your self-esteem is healthy and in good working order, consider the
following:

1. Do you accept yourself for what you are?

This includes your looks and feelings, your strengths and weaknesses.

2. Do you accept credit for what you do?

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When people ask, “What do you do?” Do you sound apologetic or unworthy? Notes
3. Do you take time out to recognise your hard work?

Or do you still feel you don’t quite measure up? If you live only to meet others’
expectations, you’ll never meet your own.

4. Can you turn setbacks into victories?

Successful people see problems as opportunities. Look at what you learnt ssfrom
your latest setback. Perhaps you now know how to better manage yourself coworkers;
perhaps you understand a technical function of your job you never knew before.

2.1 Self-Efficacy and Self-Respect

Self-esteem has two interrelated aspects:

1. A sense of personal efficacy (self-efficacy)

2. A sense of personal worth (self-respect).

As a fully realised psychological experience, it is the integrated sum of these two

aspects.

Self-efficacy means confidence in the functioning of our mind, in our ability to

think, in the processes by which you judge, choose, decide; confidence in you ability
to understand the facts of reality that fall within the sphere of your interests and needs;
cognitive self-trust; cognitive self-reliance.

Self-respect means assurance of your value; an affirmative attitude toward your

right to live and to be happy; comfort in appropriately asserting your thoughts, wants,
and needs; the feeling that job is your natural birthright.

Consider that if an individual felt inadequate to face the challenges of life he or

she lacked fundamental self-trust, confidence in his or her mind, we would recognize
the presence of a self-esteemed deficiency, no matter what other assets he or she
possessed. Or if an individual lacked a basic sense of self-respect of others, un-entitled
to happiness, fearful of asserting thoughts, wants, or needs-again we would recognise a
self-esteem deficiency, no matter what other positive attributes he or she exhibited.

2.2 The Dual Pillars of Self-Esteem

Self-efficiency and Self-respect are the dual pillars of a healthy self-esteem. They
are the defining characteristics of self-esteem, because of their fundamentality. They
represent not the derivative or secondary meanings of self-esteem, but its essence.

The experience of self-efficacy generates the sense of control over one’s life that we
associate with psychological well-being, the sense of being at the vital centre of one’s
existence, as contrasted with being a passive spectator and victim of events.

The experience of self-respect facilitates a benevolent, non-neurotic sense of

community with other individuals, the fellowship of independence and mutual regard,
as contracted with either alienated estrangement from the human race, on one hand, or
mindless submergence into the tribe, on the other.

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Notes With a given person, there will be inevitable fluctuations in self-esteem levels, much
as there are fluctuations in all psychological states. We need to think in terms of a
person’s average level of self-esteem.

2.3 Building Positive Self-Esteem

(a) Value Yourself
Learn to make the most of your immediate situation by learning to value yourself as
you are at this moment. Avoid perfectionism. Instead, strive to improve. As part of this
process, become aware of your nonverbal communication, for example, the way you
stand or the level of energy you project.

Excessive concerns about aspects of your personal and professional lives that
result in perfectionism-being intolerant of one’s own and other’s mistakes can mean
your self-image is dependent on other’s opinions of you, rather than being grounded
within.

(b) When Your Worst Enemy Is You

If you think your self-image could use some improvement, realise that you’re not
alone. We’re constantly bombarded by messages from the media, as well as from real
life. Telling us it’s easy to be richer, thinner, younger, more successful, more socially
accepted, etc. As a result, some of us are convinced that others will find us fascinating if
we use expensive moisturizers, drive certain cars, wear the right clothes or perfume, or
workout at celebrity- packed health clubs.

When our criticism turns inward for whatever reason, we pronounce harsh
judgments on ourselves and engage in self-defeating, often self-fulfilling behaviours. If
we’re lucky, our friends may offer us some perspective with the following advice:

 “You know, you’re your own worst enemy”.

 “You’re harder on yourself than are you are on others.”

 “You expect too much from yourself. Learn to take one day at a time.”

If everyone is telling you to give yourself a break, do it! For two or three days,
ignore that inner voice that says you’re a bad housekeeper, an indifferent parent, and
uncaring spouse. Don’t be surprised if you feel guilty, scared, or sad. Changing your
behaviour can feel threatening, especially at first.

(c) Why Goal Setting Builds Self-Esteem

Perhaps the trickiest part of getting what we want out of life is deciding what it is
we want. One major misconception goal setting is that you must know exactly what you
want before you set goals. Actually, one of the best ways to clarify what you want is to
set goals. While achieving them, you can constantly re-evaluate whether or not your
chosen path is the one you want to pursue.

When it works properly, goal setting raises your self-esteem, because it:

 Challenges you to overcome patterns of failure or limitation.

 Allows you to be more tolerant of failure in other areas of your daily life.

 Gives you the confidence to set increasingly challenging goals, to explore areas
you’ve neglected.

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 Makes you see life as part of a process. That is, achieving a goal won’t make Notes
your life perfect, but it will improve it.

 Allows you to get on with your personal development. Achieving a goal can
bring new awareness of what you ultimately want.

(d) Giving up the past

Remember how great it felt last spring when you finally got around to cleaning out
your closet? You were amazed at the clothes you hauled out of the dark recesses.
Some you had outgrown, some were hopelessly out of style, some you had been
hanging on to for sentimental reasons. They you had the garage sale and nearly all the
stuff sold. The rest you trucked down to the nearest goodwill store.

(e) Clearing Old Beliefs

Goal-setting is a form of starting over, but it requires a kind of spring cleaning

before you begin, it’s called clearing. For the clearing process to work on a certain
belief, you must learn to do two rather dissimilar things simultaneously:

1. Accept yourself compassionately for having this belief.

2. See clearly that you’re ready to let go of it, because it’s limiting, self destructive,
and untrue.

For instance, an individual might have been raised by an alcoholic parent. As a

child, he learnt that displaying his true emotions invited an unpleasant, even violent,
response. Now that he is an adult, it’s still difficult for him to open up to others-
particularly to partners. In all probability, he may be storing a lot of anger, grief, and
resentment against the parent whose love he so badly needed, but never received.

(f) Letting go of Past Criticisms

Take a deep breath and see if the area around your heart seems constricted. The
heart represents the centre of love and security for many. Therefore, when love and
security and denied in some way, the loss is stored around the heart.

Or perhaps, you stored your fear of criticism in your stomach. If so, you might have
chronic digestive problems, such as colitis, ulcers and abdominal cramps.

Repeat these affirmations, or revise them to fit your needs:

 “I love and approve myself. I create my own way.”

 “I choose to be a winner in life.”

 “I trust the process of life. I am safe.”

(g) Offering Forgiveness

Nothing keeps us so totally wrapped up in past problems as unexpressed feelings
of anger, resentment, and desire for revenge. Forgiveness allows us to get on with our
lives.

Forgiveness should be forgotten, along with the wrong that is forgiven. Forgiveness
that is remembered and dwelt upon re-infects. Thus, forgiveness that is partial, or half-
hearted, works no better than a partially completed surgical operation instead, it ought
to be like a canceled cheque, torn in two and burned up so that it never can be held
again and again.
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Notes (h) Achieving Freedom From the Four Killers of Self-Esteem

All our experiences, from early childhood till date, which have caused us to feel
guilt, fear, resentful and being critical towards ourselves destroy our self-esteem. We
need to free our SELF, from these dangerous enemies of self-esteem because it often
promotes less self-worth.

Ten Attitudes for building Self-Esteem

There are many steps we can take to build our self-esteem. The 10 Attitude basics
that can help are as follows:

1. Be your own best friend: Encourage and love yourself. Don’t except yourself to be
perfect. Give yourself a break!

2. Take time to enjoy your life: Choose something that you enjoy and schedule it
into your life, just as you would schedule an important appointment with the doctor.
Make it a priority.

3. Let go of the past: Let go of the hurt, the anger, the disillusionments, and the guilt.
It they creep back into your life, let go of them again and again.

4. Set goals for your life: On a regular basis, review your short and long-term goals.
Don’t’ be afraid to reach high.

5. Talk positively to yourself: Use affirmations to give your subconscious a powerful

positive message. Harness the energy that lies within you to move you toward your
chosen goal.

6. Visualise your successful behaviour: In every aspect of your life, visualise

yourself achieving your goal. Experience the emotions and enjoyment of
accomplishing what you have set out to do. Become what you think.

7. Make choices for your life: You are free to change, free to grow, free to choose
how you will live the rest of your life.

8. Network with others: Learn to rely on others for information, support, and role
behaviours. You don’t have to do it alone.

9. Write your own family script: Decide the role that you will to play in your family
movie. Follow the script that you have written, rather than the script that has been
written for you by the expectations and decisions of others.

10. Accept yourself as you are: Love yourself-physically, mentally, and emotionally-
as you would love a dear friend. Gently encourage this friend to grow, not by
criticising, but loving acceptance.

So what have you got to lose? Make that investment in yourself. It’s one investment
you’ll never regret because it will help you lead a healthy, happy and successful Life.

Check your progress

1. Self esteem implies that you accept, respect, trust, and_____________ in yourself.

a. Believe b. Sympathise

c. Empathise d. Relate
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2. The dual pillars of self-esteem are: Notes

a. Self efficacy and self-love b. Self efficacy and trust

c. Self efficacy and self-respect d. Self-respect and honesty

3. A sense of personal worth is:

a. Self efficacy b. Self-respect

c. Self-trust d. Self-esteem

4. Individual degree of liking or disliking themselves is termed as:

a. Self Concept b. Self Esteem

c. Self Actualization d. None of the above

Questions & Exercises

1. What is self esteem? Is self-esteem important at the work place? If yes, how?

2. How important do you think is your self-esteem?

3. Explain the role of self-efficacy and self-respect?

4. Is it possible to build positive self esteem? If yes how?

5. “Self-esteem is essential for a healthy, happy and successful life.” Comment

Further Readings
1. Self-Esteem By Jillian Powell

2. Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning

3. Self-Esteem By Jack Kuhatschek

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