Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Objectives
After going through this unit, you will understand:
1. Importance of self for humans
2. Meaning of self concept
3. Enhancing self acceptance
4. Understanding TEA model of human personality
Introduction
“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that is
your own self.”
The core of human development is self. The personal effectiveness starts from
within. Self is the power house which facilitates overall development of an individual.
It helps you to know your hidden potentialities which are the true sources of energy
and motivation. Self-confidence, self-motivation, positive attitude, taking initiative,
perseverance, meaningful relationships, impact making and belief system are crucial
ingredients for achieving success. This is only possible by believing in “your self”.
The concept our ‘self’ underlines the way in which we communicate, through our
behaviour with other people. If, for example, we feel shy, lack confidence and see
ourselves as fragile and powerless, we are likely to communicate this to others in the
way we behave. Or conversely, we will try to cover up our feelings about ourselves and
‘put on a front’ of being macho and aggressive. If we are, by nature, highly introverted
we learn to compensate for this in order to cope with our shyness. Often one finds
people whose behaviour seems ‘over the top’, put are actually very shy people,
whereas they appear to be very gregarious and extrovert. The understanding of the self
enables awareness and deeper self-acceptance. Our sense of self is lost in all kinds of
different things. The solution is to still the mind, to get in touch with one’s self in order to
able to be a silent witness to one’s self through, attitude, emotions and behaviour.
There are two people within us as real me and role me. That is we all have a ‘real
self’ somewhere inside. With some people it is locked away and only their nearest and
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Notes dearest know that ‘self’. Sometimes not even then other people reveal their ‘real self’
more readily to other’s. The ‘role me’ self is the person we communicate to the world
through our behaviour. We all have one, but with some people, it is a thicker crust than
others. At work, it is likely that people present their role me rather than real me, and
as managers it is important to remember that sometimes we receive communication
through behaviour from the people with whom we work which we find difficult to cope
with, but we need to think why the people are behaving in such a way and what is the
real meaning behind their behaviour?
To be effective in your personal and professional life, you need first to have a
realistic view of yourself.
Negative Self-Concept
If people see themselves as failures and have a negative, pessimistic image of
themselves, they will begin to act the part. Negative feelings feed on themselves and
become a downward spiral, gradually encompassing all the person’s thought, actions
and relationships. People with negative self-concepts tend to complain constantly and
find it difficult to accept criticism.
Of course, few people have entirely negative or positive self-concepts, but how we
see ourselves does have a bearing on our different roles. So, if the behaviour we use is
based on the concept we have of ourselves. Then how we form our self concept? It is
formed through self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Activity
Try thinking about the following questions:
Is the world friendly, unfriendly, threatening, exciting or what is it? The way you
answer this question will depend on whether you have a positive or negative concept of
yourself.
Do you see yourself as a ‘born manager’ or a ‘successful person’ and wish to see
that image confirmed by others? You will try to live up to that ‘label’.
Jeremiah
• Who am I?
Aspects of one’s life which seem very simple yet are very powerful, like knowledge,
skills, health, family and social commitments, responsibilities, opportunities,
interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes.
Knowing the formative influences and identifying the accompanying attitudes and
beliefs may help us to discover the real us. Formative influences can have an
empowering or a crippling effect on lour future life.
• Where am I going?
This relates to one’s dreams and ambitions, choice of career and vocation.
This question relates to planning in order to reach/ achieve one’s goals. One might
take a decision which may change one’s life, but if one does do not plan it properly
it may never materialize. Planning for success involves aspects like- discipline,
clear cut goals, time management, realising and working towards development of
effective work values and ethics, and getting proper career guidance.
One must be able to visualise one’s ambitions i.e., what will it be like when one gets
what one wanted. Repeating such images will strengthen one’s capacity to resolve
problems and initiate one’s commitment towards the goal.
Success is not determined by how we are doing compared with others, but how
we are doing compared with what we are capable of doing. Self aware individuals
complete with themselves, they better their own records and keep moving
constantly for personal and professional growth.
Self-awareness also means that there is little chance of the individual joining a
team where he/she could not be his/her own self. It is possible to be considerate
of others and, at the same time, not influenced by peer group pressure. The most
attractive teams are those that encourage an individual to be his/her own self
and a part of the team (Scott Arbuthonot, 1998).
1.4 Self-Acceptance
Having become aware of who you really are, rather than the person you would wish
to be, the next step on the self-concept journey is to accept yourself. This does not
mean being smug, complacent, and uncritical. But it does mean building on the qualities
you are satisfied with and working to change or improve the ones you are not happy
with. It is not easy, particularly when you are constantly being evaluated by others-
parents, children, partners, colleagues at work and so on. You have to accept and be
responsible for your ‘TEA’ system, i.e., thoughts, emotions and actions.
Once you become aware of yourself and start introspecting and have courage to Notes
accept your ‘self’ the way you are, that is the high point which gives you the insight of
self actualisation. The term ‘Self-actualisation’ was used by Maslow in his motivation
theory. We can also use the term ‘Self-realisation’ which helps you to realise your inner
potentialities. This step on the self-concept route involves growth and development
motivated from within you. It is a willingness to pursue your ‘ideal self’ on your own, to
grow and to change, because you think it is important.
This is where you take steps to make things happen for you. You know you
potential and you actively pursue it. You know what you want to do, what is right for
you and consequently you set and maintain personal standards and are open to new
experiences.
Having become aware of who you really are (as you are now, and as you see your
‘ideal self’) having accepted that person as a perfectly good and capable human being,
and having decided on how you are going to work towards “actualising: or developing
your “ideal self”, you are now a confident individual. The final stage towards a mature
self-concept is how you are going to reveal your ‘self’ and this is where the importance
of self-awareness comes again. You need to know yourself well before you can disclose
or reveal anything to others about your ‘real self’. Before revealing your strength,
weakness advantages and disadvantages of your personality, it is essential to be aware
of yourself so that you can plan and achieve a realistic goal as per your own strengths
and weaknesses.
Most of us are not aware of our hidden talents. Albert Einstein once said that only
one-tenth of this brain was utilised. If a world famous scientist like Einstein used only
10 percent of his talents, then we need to question as to how much of our talents are
hidden and need to be explored. The tragedy is that we are not even aware that major
portion of our talents are hidden. Therefore to create this awareness, we need to first
and foremost understand our SELF and this understanding will build healthy foundation
to be successful and happy personality.
a. Thoughts b. Emotions
c. Actions d. Acceptance
a. Who am I?
a. Attitude b. Personality
Further Reading
1 Understanding the self- By Richard Stevens.
Objectives
After going through this unit, you will understand:
1. Understanding Self-esteem
2. Differentiating self-efficacy from self-respect
3. Facilitating positive self-esteem
Introduction
“The essence of Self-esteem is compassion for your self”. — Mathew Mc Kay
All over the world, today, there is an awakening about the importance of self-esteem.
We recognise that just as a human being cannot hope to realize his or her potential
without self esteem, neither can a society whose members do not value themselves
flourish and grow.
Self-esteem is a way of thinking, feeling, and acting that implies that you accept,
respect, trust, believe and love yourself.
When you accept yourself, you can live comfortably with both your personal
strengths and weaknesses, without undue self-criticism.
When you respect yourself, you acknowledge your own dignity and value as a
unique human being. You treat yourself well in much the same way you would treat
someone else you respect.
Self-trust means that your behaviours and feelings are consistent enough to give
you an inner sense of continuity and coherence despite changes and challenges in
your external circumstances.
To believe in yourself means that you feel you deserve to have the good things
in life. It also means that you have confidence that you can fulfill your deepest
personal needs, aspirations, and goals.
To love yourself means you feel good about yourself and this feel-good factor is
essential for self esteem and mental health. All mental health issues start when
there is lack of love for oneself and from others. As a Psychologist, I would state
that most of the mental health problems are ingrained in human emotions. It is
rightly said “Love is the only Solution”.
Notes To get a sense about your own level of self-esteem, think of someone (or imagine
what it would be like to know someone) whom you fully accept, respect, trust, and
believe in. Now ask yourself to what extent you hold these attitudes towards yourself.
Where would you place yourself on the following scale:
To Recapitulate
1. As fundamentally competent to cope with the challenges of life; thus, trust in one’s
mind and its processes; self-efficacy.
Self-esteem means truly loving valuing yourself. This is quite different from being an
obnoxious, overblown egomaniac. Self-esteem means you have accepted yourself
as you are but continue to work on improving yourself. While that process is taking
place, you have a healthy appreciation for yourself-your best qualities and your
finest achievements.
To determine whether your self-esteem is healthy and in good working order, consider the
following:
This includes your looks and feelings, your strengths and weaknesses.
When people ask, “What do you do?” Do you sound apologetic or unworthy? Notes
3. Do you take time out to recognise your hard work?
Or do you still feel you don’t quite measure up? If you live only to meet others’
expectations, you’ll never meet your own.
Successful people see problems as opportunities. Look at what you learnt ssfrom
your latest setback. Perhaps you now know how to better manage yourself coworkers;
perhaps you understand a technical function of your job you never knew before.
The experience of self-efficacy generates the sense of control over one’s life that we
associate with psychological well-being, the sense of being at the vital centre of one’s
existence, as contrasted with being a passive spectator and victim of events.
Notes With a given person, there will be inevitable fluctuations in self-esteem levels, much
as there are fluctuations in all psychological states. We need to think in terms of a
person’s average level of self-esteem.
Excessive concerns about aspects of your personal and professional lives that
result in perfectionism-being intolerant of one’s own and other’s mistakes can mean
your self-image is dependent on other’s opinions of you, rather than being grounded
within.
When our criticism turns inward for whatever reason, we pronounce harsh
judgments on ourselves and engage in self-defeating, often self-fulfilling behaviours. If
we’re lucky, our friends may offer us some perspective with the following advice:
“You expect too much from yourself. Learn to take one day at a time.”
If everyone is telling you to give yourself a break, do it! For two or three days,
ignore that inner voice that says you’re a bad housekeeper, an indifferent parent, and
uncaring spouse. Don’t be surprised if you feel guilty, scared, or sad. Changing your
behaviour can feel threatening, especially at first.
When it works properly, goal setting raises your self-esteem, because it:
Allows you to be more tolerant of failure in other areas of your daily life.
Gives you the confidence to set increasingly challenging goals, to explore areas
you’ve neglected.
Makes you see life as part of a process. That is, achieving a goal won’t make Notes
your life perfect, but it will improve it.
Allows you to get on with your personal development. Achieving a goal can
bring new awareness of what you ultimately want.
2. See clearly that you’re ready to let go of it, because it’s limiting, self destructive,
and untrue.
Or perhaps, you stored your fear of criticism in your stomach. If so, you might have
chronic digestive problems, such as colitis, ulcers and abdominal cramps.
Forgiveness should be forgotten, along with the wrong that is forgiven. Forgiveness
that is remembered and dwelt upon re-infects. Thus, forgiveness that is partial, or half-
hearted, works no better than a partially completed surgical operation instead, it ought
to be like a canceled cheque, torn in two and burned up so that it never can be held
again and again.
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1. Be your own best friend: Encourage and love yourself. Don’t except yourself to be
perfect. Give yourself a break!
2. Take time to enjoy your life: Choose something that you enjoy and schedule it
into your life, just as you would schedule an important appointment with the doctor.
Make it a priority.
3. Let go of the past: Let go of the hurt, the anger, the disillusionments, and the guilt.
It they creep back into your life, let go of them again and again.
4. Set goals for your life: On a regular basis, review your short and long-term goals.
Don’t’ be afraid to reach high.
7. Make choices for your life: You are free to change, free to grow, free to choose
how you will live the rest of your life.
8. Network with others: Learn to rely on others for information, support, and role
behaviours. You don’t have to do it alone.
9. Write your own family script: Decide the role that you will to play in your family
movie. Follow the script that you have written, rather than the script that has been
written for you by the expectations and decisions of others.
10. Accept yourself as you are: Love yourself-physically, mentally, and emotionally-
as you would love a dear friend. Gently encourage this friend to grow, not by
criticising, but loving acceptance.
So what have you got to lose? Make that investment in yourself. It’s one investment
you’ll never regret because it will help you lead a healthy, happy and successful Life.
a. Believe b. Sympathise
c. Empathise d. Relate
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c. Self-trust d. Self-esteem
Further Readings
1. Self-Esteem By Jillian Powell