“Without much flowering, marriage is an image of the relationship between Jesus Christ and the

Church”

The relationship between Christ and the church = the “Marriage of marriages”

Christ’s relationship to the Church should be the starting point and focal of all true marriages.

The defining characteristic in Christ’s relationship with the church is Love.

Ephisians 5:25-32 :-
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself to her, that
He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present
her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or blemish. So husbands ought to love their
own wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his
flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of
His body, of His flesh and His Bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I
speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love
his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.     

The foundation and evidence of this love is Sacrifice: Christ sacrificed Himself for the Church,
and so real marriage implies sacrifice - and so in many ways, “singleness is a luxury”. If you
don’t value it as such while still single, reconsider if you’re truly ready for marriage.

Through Sacrifice comes Redemption - and from Redemption are Renewal and Growth
(fruitfulness).

The marriage partners in a Christ-centered marriage must both die to themselves, and be
renewed into the image and under the lordship of Christ.

In other words, both parties must be members of the Spiritual and physical body of Christ - the
true “Church”. 
2 Corinthians 14 - Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has
righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

In a physical body, each member has a necessary pair or counterpart which allows for that part
to fulfill a specific role or ‘part’ as determined individually, but your marriage partner enhances or
assists in that role in some way. Think: left hand with right hand; head with neck; ankle with foot,
etc.

This also results in a natural harmony, or ‘chemistry’ between the two - like two functioning parts
in a well-oiled machine, or two different notes of music played side by side to produce a
beautiful sound.

Where there is natural harmony, tensions or frictions between the two are few - except when
provoked by external strain or in the natural course of development.

And even in these situations, the tension is quickly diffused and a natural equilibrium or
balancing point is returned to without much effort - because it is in the design of both parts to
work together congruently and this makes a natural deterrent to persistent frictions or prolonged
aggravations between the two.
Ephesians 4:25-26 :- Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his
neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go
down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”

Although forgiveness is the nature of Christ and our duty as true Believers is to impart it on
every one, forgiveness is most natural between the two marriage partners in a Christ-Centered
marriage because they are in in-tune with the intentions of their partner and place a value on the
other partner’s happiness and well-being at the same level or above their own.
Matthew 6:15  - But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive
your trespasses.

When God is the one who has brought the two people together, there is natural attraction and
no coercion, forced appeal, or any form of manipulation involved.

There is also mutual understanding of and recognition of the role of the other within the greater
spiritual body of Christ, and its importance in the life of both their partner and themselves.

Again - the only way that two people can be in this kind of complete spiritual agreement and
natural harmony before they even meet or ‘get to know each other’ is if God Himself has
brought them together.

God can also bring people together taking into account the ‘future’ versions of the partners and
using one or both of the partners as a catalyst for a drastic change in the life of the other before
they are committed in marriage.
In those cases, extra caution and discernment are necessary because it is never God’s will to
use one partner to ‘force’ the other one to change, or to place the entire burden of ‘fighting’ for a
change in the life of their partner on the shoulders of one person. Believing that you can
‘change’ a person on your own before marriage is a common misconception that the enemy
uses to deceive many otherwise well-meaning Believers within this area of life. Your true
marriage partner is someone that you will have a NATURAL affinity and attraction with. You will
have a harmony that is not artificial or conditional. Instead of wanting to ‘change’ the person,
you will be at ease and pleased with them AS THEY ARE - but open to God developing you
both according to His will. If you cannot accept the person as they are, they are likely not God’s
choice for you.

The main thing to remember concerning the selection of a marriage partner is that GOD is the
only acceptable Match-Maker. Ultimately it is only He who is aware of the complete ‘timelines’
and ‘stages’ of each partner in the marriage - from present to future. He knows not only who is
good for you “now”, but who will still be good for you or possibly even better for you, 5, 10, 30,
and 50 years from now. No other guide or counselor can have this line of insight which takes
into account the full evolution of the person across their lifetime - and Christ-Centered marriage
is a lifetime agreement.

It’s important to remember that even “good” things can become objectively bad things if they are
not actually “God” things.

Some Believers advise that marriage is a completely self-willed decision that God allows each
born again person to enter into freely, according to their own perceptions and choices, with little
or no input or interference from Him.

This is partly true - God respects the ability to choose of both parties, but He is intimately
concerned and involved in the selection and recognition of the right choice for each Believer. It
is spiritually impossible for God NOT to be involved in this type of decision, or any decision in
the life of the truly born again person, because the Holy Spirit LIVES in us.

Therefore, if you’re born again and marriage is in the will of God for you, then you already have
an “ordained” or ‘best choice’ spouse whom God has had in mind for you from the very
beginning, but it’s up to us whether we will follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in this area, or
choose to do it our way by ‘going our own way’ somehow.

Like everything else in the born again life, marriage is a matter of Faith. And like everything else
in life in general, what you believe about something impacts what you recieve.
Mark 11:22-24  - So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. For assuredly, I say
to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not
doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he
says. Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive
them, and you will have them.
 
Not believing that something is possible is the surest way to ensure that you will never receive
whatever it is you actually desire.

In a similar way, what you believe wrongly or outside of true Faith (Christ-centeredness), will
lead to much heartache and disillusion down the line. 

Therefore, it’s best to have a healthy mindset or belief-system about what marriage is and what
it is not before desiring it or pursuing it actively in some way.

To recap:
What marriage is: a reflection of the relationship of Jesus Christ and the Church.
In other words, a reflection/reminder of the relationship between Christ and the us..

So in order to have a real marriage (not just a state-sanctioned ‘matrimony’), it’s essential to
actually HAVE a relationship with Christ before you do or plan anything else.

What marriage is not =

An easy way out of life’s problems, complications, and anxieties - including the fear of living or
dying ‘alone’, or the fear of being unable to receive or provide for oneself physically,
emotionally, or financially.

Any understanding of marriage outside of the first on the part of one or both of the potential
partners will lead to disappointments, confusion, resentments, and greater troubles down the
line.

Of course, troubles will come regardless, which is why both partners need to be at a level of
emotional and spiritual maturity to be able to discern the root and remedy of all troubles that will
arise, in a responsible and Christ-centered manner.

To be Christ-Centered is to have the humility required to place all issues at the mercy and
judgement of God first.

To be responsible is to consciously adopt and act upon the wisdom and guidance obtained
through Christ.
Spiritual maturity also implies that both parties recognize the role of persecution in the life of the
Believer overall, according to the teachings of Christ, as well as the importance of perseverance
or active endurance in the overcoming of all challenges as ‘one’.

Both parties need to be able to recognize which problems are ‘par for course’ (just come with
the territory), which problems require more strategic intervention, and which “problems” are not
actually problems at all.
- One of the enemy’s common tactics is making people believe they have ‘problems’ that they
don’t actually have, and getting them to wear themselves out by striving for ‘solutions’ to said
‘problems’’; another is causing people to believe their blessings are actually a part of their
‘problems’ and thus causing them to self-sabotage whatever progress they’ve already made.

Both partners need to be spiritually mature enough to guard against those forms of attack and
take into account any potential ‘blind-spots’ of the other as well.There is always room for both
partners to grow as long as their both accept change gracefully as the Holy Spirit guides.

Emotional Maturity includes taking responsibility for the energetic emissions or mental hygiene
of yourself within and without the relationship. In this sense, both partners must be committed to
self-improvement and self-regulation, or discipline, especially when it comes to discerning and
processing thoughts, perceptions, and other external forms of influence, as well as various
internal emotional states and attitudes.

Overall, both partners should have enough self-awareness to know which thoughts or
perceptions are ‘theirs’, and which are being projected upon or through them in some way.

It’s not necessary for each partner’s perceptions to always be accurate, but both partners
should have enough humility to recognize their individual vulnerabilities or susceptibility to
external influences/impressions overall, and be willing to trust the other person’s input about
these as much as their own.

We are all fallible as human-beings, but marriage involves the trusting of the other partner to
effectively ‘cover’ you in the areas that you might otherwise be most vulnerable in. It’s our
natural differences that allow us to do this.

Without trust, the basic protective mechanisms of a healthy relationship cannot function, and
both parties are exposed to a greater amount of danger from the outside or even from each
other as a result.

In Christ-Centered relationships, Trust is often the doorway for Grace. When trust gets blocked
in any way, it’s harder for both parties to operate gracefully towards each other, and also more
difficult for them to recognize ways in which the Holy Spirit is intervening gracefully on their
behalf in the midst of trials.

Nevertheless, blocked trust can be repaired supernaturally when both parties submit
themselves to God and maintain a positive (faithful) outlook on the relationship overall.

Maintaining a positive outlook or ‘image’ in your mind of your partner and the relationship is
essential to a fruitful and fulfilling marriage.

The enemy often attempts to attack this positive or faithful  ‘image’ of your partner that you keep
in your mind or heart through orchestrated circumstances and strife in the environment intended
to make your spouse appear unflattering or at fault in some way. The goal here is to get each
partner to turn against the other, making life circumstances appear as ‘you vs your spouse’, as
opposed to the reality of the situation which is not in black & white thinking, but in the
awareness of the truth of Christ and who we are in Him (the real Gospel).

Turning against your spouse physically or emotionally is the equivalent of turning against
yourself, because in true marriage the healthy functioning of one partner becomes essential to
the happiness and well-being of the other, as “the two become one flesh.”

In that sense, your partner’s actual needs become your concern as much as your own, so both
partners should have a real understanding of the other in order to recognize the real needs
behind each request or desire on the part of the other and be able to respond to them
accordingly.

In sum, both partners should prioritize the well-being of the other, but understand that this
prioritizing will likely be expressed differently from each other.

For some men, prioritizing the wife might consist of  focusing on providing physical security for
her and the family in the form of dedication to work and finances. For some women, prioritizing
the husband might be expressed through dedication towards creating a nurturing and supportive
home environment for him to be at ease and thrive in outside of work. The dynamics of this may
vary in each marriage, but it all comes down to being committed to bringing out and maintaining
the best in each other.

Communication is key to all great relationships, especially in marriage. Both partners have to be
open and willing to discuss everything pertaining to their life together. It is essential for a couple
to always make time to stay in tune. Whenever circumstances arise they can talk about the
situation openly and then seek God’s wisdom and guidance together, believing and trusting
without doubt..   

When both parties are selflessly invested in each other this way, the Holy Spirit moves freely
and unhindered towards the highest good for all in ways that the greatest levels of human
understanding and consideration alone cannot. This is an advantage that worldly relationships
and matrimonies do not have, resulting in many failures and miscommunication despite the
‘best intentions’ of both partners.

Being a disciple of Christ is a study in being selfless and Christ-like on its own, and marriage
highlights this by calling upon both partners to observe these aspects of discipleship as one, or
“in Union”. If a person is not already a committed disciple on their own, it will be difficult for them
to be selfless and Christ-like within the marriage.

When both parties remain in agreement as disciples first however, they are able to successfully
disciple their children and members of the community that God places them in to encourage
them to reflect those same qualities. Thus the children become another reflection and extension
of Christ’s relationship and love for the Church - and of the Believers’ love for each other. In this
way, Christ-Centered marriages have the potential for great collateral benefits beyond the
confines of the two marriage partners alone.
Romans 8:28  - And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to
those who are called according to His purpose.
Also in this way, marriage brings to the forefront both the first and second commandments, and
the ultimate end of both - Love - is made perfect within the union, through mutual faith and
God’s abundant grace.
Matthew 22:37-40 : - Jesus said to him, “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, and with with all your mind,’ This is the first and great commandment And the
second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang
all the Law and the prophets.”
.
As both partners honor and recognize the image and likeness of God in each other, love is kept
fresh and active, and the fruits of the Spirit abound both in the union and in their environment.

Both parties should greatly contribute, not detract, from the expression and experiencing of joy,
peace, wisdom, generosity, and self-control in the life of the other; both should be enhanced by
the presence of the other, not taxed or worn-down over time.

Marriage should generally inspire virtue - each partner should be both a stabilizing and
encouraging force to develop the highest attributes of the Character and nature of Christ within
the other, along with their partner’s natural spiritual and physical gifts or talents.

As salt enhances the flavor of food, so should one partner “season” the existing positive traits of
the other and help bring out those parts or “flavors” of the other that most exemplify the work of
Christ in them.