In this day and age, finding part-time jobs is becoming increasingly popular.

For
many people, especially teenagers, the chance to find a temporary job is a
common one. However, there are some people who don’t want to find a
temporary job. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of some students find part-
time jobs and those who don’t.
Let’s start with the students who find part-time jobs.informal One of the main
positives of finding temporary jobs is that it broaden your horizon. What I mean
by this is that you informal have the chance to meet people from different
workplace backgrounds and learn to cope with the working hours. However,
trying to balance work and personal life is a major problem. Some people find it
hard to cope with school and family. This oftens leads to overworking
themselves and being stressed out daily. (this paragraph is supposed to be about
the benefits of working part-time)
Turning to the other side of the argument, it is understandable why some people
believe that students should not find part-time jobs while studying don’t find
part-time jobs, they tend to feel less productive. They tend to feel more carefree
and just focus on school and family. But, there will be times when they are
looking for jobs after they graduated, it will be difficult for them to know what
kind of jobs they will be fitted for. If they have no choice but to choose a
random job, they will most likely find it hard to cope with their work
environment. This process takes time and can be challenging for those who are
unexperienced.
All things considered, finding part-time jobs is never easy. You need to be sure
whether you wanted to or not. Personally, I believe that both sides have pros
and cons their merits and demerits, but the negatives are slightly outweigh the
benefits. (unclear)
Task achievement: 5
 Inappropriate in places
 Addresses the task only partially
 Main ideas are not sufficiently developed
 The topic sentences and conclusions are unclear

Coherence and Cohesion : 5

  Presents information with some organisation but there is a lack of
overall progression
 Inadequate cohesive devices
 Cohesion within and between sentences is sometimes mechanical
or faulty

Lexical resource: 6
 adequate range
 attempts to use less common vocab but with some inaccuracies
 some errors but do not impede communication

Grammartical range and accuracy: 6

 Sentence: simple and complex, but not flexible
 Some grammartical errors

Overall: 5.5