Nowadays, with the economic and social development, the number of students

working part-time while studying has increased markedly. However, there are both
upsides and downsides to deciding to do this. In this essay, I will discuss some of
the reasons why taking up a part time part-time job is should be encouraged and
some of the challenges to be overcome . 

Let’s begin (informal) by looking at the advantages of taking a part time job. Poor
topic sentence One of the main positives of being a part-timer is that  students can
gain more practical experiences about life and learn how to deal with pressure. For
instance, when they are on a shift and meet an annoying customer asking for some
unreasonable demand requests, students  will have to settle it down in find a way
that to satisfies both . Moreover , many billionaires such as Warren Buffet or Bill
Gates also took a short-lived temporary jobs while they were still children
teenagers and they said that these jobs helped them to understand more about life
,which create a premise for their success later.  Secondly, students will understand
more about the value of money .Undoubtedly, if they have to work so hard for their
earrings, they will know exactly what they need to buy instead of spending money
on wasteful things. 

Turning to the other side of the argument, the detrimental effects of taking up part
time jobs are worth being noted. One of the manifest demerits associated with
temporary jobs is that pupils can forget about their main duties as a student and pay
too much attention to their part-time jobs. To cite an example, having been tired
after a hard-working shift, students are susceptible to demotivation, resulting in
lower grades day by day at class. Another noticeable drawback adverse effect is
health problems arising in the part-time environment. For instance, due to their
busy schedule they might not have enough time to take care of themselves, which
leads to some major health problems.

All things considered, it is once again firmly held that this short-lived job is both
beneficial and detrimental to some extent. While temporary jobs provide more
practical experiences and enhance responsibility, for many, there are some
downsides regarding health problems and high risk of being disturbed. Therefore,
it is important that both advantages and disadvantages of this trend should be
weighed up taken into careful consideration before choosing the proper options. 
the final decision is made.

(word: 383) too high try to keep your maximum at 300

Task achievement: 7.0
 Addresses all parts

 Present a clear position

 Some parts can be more fully developed

Coherence and Cohesion : 6.0

 Effective cohesive devices
 Cohesion within and between sentences is sometimes mechanical or faulty

Lexical resource: 6.0

 adequate range
 attempts to use less common vocab but with some inaccuracies
 some errors but do not impede communication

Grammar range: 7.0

 Variety of complex structures
 Good control of grammar
 Make few errors
Overall: 6.5