Thriving

Toddler

Building Independent Play

In Toddlerhood

By
Michelle Tangeman, LMFT, BCBA
 Thriving
Toddler

Copyright © 2022
Thriving Toddler

All Rights Reserved

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying,
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forwarded on to any second party without expressed permission. If replicating an idea found within this document and posting on
other media platorms, reference/tag Michelle Tangeman or @thriving.toddler.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION AND CONTENT OF THIS DOCUMENT ARE FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. THE
CONTENT IS NOT INTENDED TO REPLACE INDIVIDUALIZED BEHAVIOR INTERVENTION, PROFESSIONAL
PSYCHOLOGICAL CARE, DIAGNOSIS, OR TREATMENT. DO NOT USE THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS
WORKSHOP AS MEDICAL ADVICE.

IF YOU NEED ADDITIONAL RESOURCES, PLEASE CONTACT MICHELLE AT THRIVINGTODDLER@GMAIL.COM.

 INTRODUCTION

Hi there!
Separation anxiety is really kicking in and I'm sure you could use a
little extra free time...

If you're a parent of a toddler, then you can probably relate. Whether

you're trying to do the dishes, cook dinner, answer emails or just want
to enjoy a cup of coffee in peace for 5 minutes...toddlers make it hard.

They want our attention - all of it - and they want it all the time. Some
days, it can feel nearly impossible to get anything done besides
playing yet another round of tea party or dinosaur attack.

If you're like many parents, this isn't exactly what you were picturing
when you thought about life as a parent. Perhaps you saw yourself
making delicious, healthy meals while your kids played happily in the
playroom. Maybe you thought you'd start your mornings with a quiet
yoga practice (one without kids climbing all over you).

Here's some good news: getting 15 minutes (or more!) to yourself is

possible. Independent play is possible - even for young toddlers. The
key is to just hope your little one learns how to play on their own, but
to actually help them foster that independence.

Ready to get started?

02 | THRIVING TODDLER
Whelton
 DEFINING INDEPENDENT PLAY

The first step toward getting your toddler to

play independently to understand what
independent play actually is.

Independent play is setting up an area for

your baby/toddler to play without adult
facilitation or prompts.

You can be in close proximity; but allowing

your baby/toddler to explore objects and
play on their own is the goal when setting up
opportunities for independent play.

03 | THRIVING TODDLER
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 WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS
OF INDEPENDENT PLAY?

Toddler parents can usually pretty quickly

the benefits of independent play for their
own lives...time to get chores done, read or
perhaps enjoy an actually hot cup of coffee.

But there are great independent play

benefits for toddlers, too. Some of the most
important benefits are:

Emotional Regulation
Imagination
Social independence skill mastery
School skills

04 | THRIVING TODDLER
Whelton
 HOW MUCH TIME SHOULD I EXPECT MY
BABY/TODDLER TO PLAY

It's important to go into independent play with

realistic expectations. Hoping for 30 minutes of
independent play on your first attempt, for example,
is only going to leave you disappointed.

A good starting point is being able to identify the

average attention span depending on your childs
age. A general rule is about one minute per year old
your child is. I know what you're thinking, "that's it?!"

The more motivated the child is, the longer they will
stay engaged in the activity. Between 6-9 months, a
baby might show interest anywhere from a few
seconds to 2-3 minutes. Between 13-18 months, they
will play alone for up to 15 minutes. The duration of
time increases as your child gets older and they
become more skilled at independent play.

Like anything else with toddlers, the more you

practice, the easier it will get.

05 | THRIVING TODDLER

Whel
WHAT SKILLS DOES MY BABY/TODDLER NEED?

This depends on the age of your child.

6-9 months
Overcomes an obstacle to get a toy
Plays with a variety of toys to produce
a desired effect
Drops objects systematically

9-12 months
Throws objects
Moves to regain an item and resumes play
Takes items in and out of a container
Enjoys looking at pictures in a book
Plays with stacking rings and takes ring
stacker apart.

06 | THRIVING TODDLER Whelton

WHAT SKILLS DOES MY BABY/TODDLER NEED?

Continued...

13-17 months
Plays with a ball cooperatively
Shares a toy and hands it back to an adult
Plays alone for about 15 minutes

18-24 months
Puts a toy away in the correct place
Plays with play-doh and paint
Paints within the limits of paper

07 | THRIVING TODDLER Whelton

WHAT SKILLS DOES MY BABY/TODDLER NEED?

Continued...

2-3 years
Experiments with cause and effect during
play
Independently completes a 5-6 piece
interconnected puzzle
Builds a tower of blocks independently

4 years
Plays with board games, crafts, and other
constructive projects.
Imitates block patterns up to 15 blocks.
Independently completes an 8-12 piece
interconnected puzzle.

08 | THRIVING TODDLER Whelt

 Whelton City
BUILDING THE FOUDATION
FOR INDEPENDENT PLAY

Start providing opportunities for independent play

as early as six months. Provide a safe environment
where you have a variety of toys/items out to see
what sparks their curiosity.

Initially, you'll want to engage with them and show

them how to play with the toy. Then slowly fade
yourself away by moving farther and farther away
from your baby. If you set a foundation early and
provide those opportunities multiple times per day,
it's a skill they will develop and get better at.

Ensure you are periodically checking in and letting

them know you are there and how proud you are
that they are playing on their own - positive praise
goes a long way!

As your child gets older, you can stretch the amount

of time between check-ins and can expect their
overall independent play time to increase as well.

09 | THRIVING TODDLER
 Whelton City

HELPING MY TODDLER (3+ YRS)

PLAY MORE INDEPENDENTLY

1. Make sure their attention bucket is filled.

Some young children require more of our attention
than others. This is high-quality, one-on-one time
with no distractions, & playing your toddler's
preferred activity. It can range from as short as 10
minutes to as much as 3o+ minutes.

2. Have a running list of toys and activities they

can play with safely and with minimal supervision.
It's best to keep some of those toys out of reach so
they enjoy them more during their designated
independent playtime.

3. Begin to set the stage.

-Have a designed time of day where you know they
will play independently; this may also be known as
quiet time.
-Use a visual timer to show them how long they will
need to play independently.

10| THRIVING TODDLER

 Whelton City
HELPING MY TODDLER (3+ YRS)
PLAY MORE INDEPENDENTLY

- I like TimeTimer.
-To set both you and your child up for success, start
with short amounts of time (5 minutes or so) and
build on that each day as they get more and more
comfortable with playing on their own.
-Create clear expectations and boundaries around
independent play such as, "while you are here and
the timer is going, please stay in this area. When the
timer goes off, you may come and get me."

If and when they leave before the timer goes off,

gently remind them that this is "independent
playtime" and bring them back to the area.

4. If you want to get real fancy, use a self-

management system (see next page, for example).
This requires a visual chart with the goal written, an
area to show if they met or did not meet their goal,
and how they plan to reward themselves.

5. Be consistent. Do it daily.

11 | THRIVING TODDLER
 Whelton City

12|THRIVING TODDLER
 Whelton City

Need more help navigating

toddlerhood challenges?
Explore my best parenting resources:

1.
ABC's of Behavior & Toddlerhood
This online course dives deeper into the
motivations behind toddler behavior. You'll learn
how to support your little one through big
feelings and build the confidence you need to
navigate all things toddlerhood. LEARN MORE

2.
Backpocket Essentials
This online course is the parenting toolkit you'll
use forever. Get effective, evidence-based
positive parenting tips and tools to help you in the
toddler years and beyond. LEARN MORE

3.
Playing With Intention
One of the best ways to teach alternative
behaviors is through play. In this online course,
you'll explore play activities (and toys!) that
support development and discover the power of
intentional play. LEARN MORE

4.
Personalized Q&A
Need more support with challenging behaviors?
Book a live Q&A session with me to get your
questions answered or sign up for my Q&A
membership. Members get 2 parenting questions
answered via personalized video each month,
plus full access to my resource library.
BOOK A CALL or BECOME A MEMBER

Want even more parenting tips?

Listen to the Parenting Understood podcast for
value-packed, science-backed parenting tips.
LISTEN NOW.