How To Be a Good Muslim Husband

1. Always emulate the behavior of the Prophet Muhammad [‫ ]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬with his wives: Allah says in the Qur'an: "You have indeed in the Messenger of Allah, a beautiful example (of conduct) for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Final Day, and who remembers Allah much." [Qur'an - 33:21] The Prophet Muhammad [‫ ]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬overlooked his wives' shortcomings, and tolerated their unreasonable behavior. The books of Hadith are replete with examples of how he ignored what he did not like about their actions, with a smile and patient silence. Once, when he became very angry with all of them, he left their company and resolved not to talk to them for a month. Instead of shouting or verbally reprimanding your wife for every mistake, just ignore her. If she is fighting with you or being unreasonable, you can always leave the room and not answer back, which is the best strategy. When you will ignore her for some time, she will willingly relinquish the behavior which angered you. 2. Treat her with respect, especially during intimacy: Sexual gratification is the foremost reason why men get married, and they make serious mistakes right in the beginning, which cause the greatest blows to their marital relationship. Muslim men should fear Allah regarding how they handle their wives during intimacy. Narrated Jabir Bin Abdullah [may Allah be pleased with him], "The Prophet [‫صلی اللہ‬ ‫ ]علیہ وسلم‬did not allow sexual intercourse before fondling (the wife)." [Abu Dawood] Muslim Brother! That innocent girl you bring home is vulnerable, innocent and scared. So be gentle and get her to relax, and don't cause any irreparable damage by being hasty. In Islam, a woman is a jewel -- a gem, which should be taken care of and treated with dignity and respect. Imam al-Daylami [may Allah be merciful on him] records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik [may Allah be pleased with him] that the Messenger of Allah [‫صلی‬ ‫ ]اللہ علیہ وسلم‬is reported to have said: "One of you should not fulfill one's (sexual) need from one's wife like an animal, rather there should be, between them, foreplay of kissing and words." [Musnad Al-Firdaws of Al-Daylami, 2/55] Remember that when a prostitute came to ask Allah's Messenger [‫ ]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬for monetary help, he helped her and did not treat her disrespectfully. What about you?

And if he does. it is a fact that there is a difference of opinion among Islamic scholars regarding whether it is obligatory or preferred (mustahab) for a wife to serve her husband.g. ironing their clothes.]علیہ وسلم‬who abhorred any kind of body odour (mouth. will never. trim. and not be able to keep her happy. without being asked. for any woman? Do you believe. not a personal valet or slave: The foremost quality which Muslim men desire in a wife. Wear the colors and clothing styles that your wife prefers. If she forgets something. due to your cultural baggage. and we do not know of any Hadith in which his wives were known to serve him elaborately. it is highly likely that he will disrespect his wife. is that she be obedient and servile. mouth-spray or mouthwash to maintain oral hygiene. Remember that doing all this is the Sunnah (way) of the Prophet Muhammad [‫صلی اللہ‬ ‫ . Use the Miswak (tooth-stick). ever answer the above questions in the affirmative. Keep your hair and beard washed and combed -. and that she do their chores without being told e. if Islam permits them.smelling and looking clean. because a man. Majority declare it to be praiseworthy but not obligatory. or doing the laundry. even though most Muslim women happily do their household work themselves. Maintain personal grooming and hygiene: Once every two weeks. you really need to change your thinking and attitude towards women before you enter marriage. the good Muslim husband truly appreciates the work his wife does around the house. that Eve tempted Adam to eat the forbidden fruit. 4. which women should be locked up inside the house because they lead men astray when they go out? Do you believe that women are inferior to men? Do you believe that women are the basic cause of the prevalence of decadence and sin? Do you shout at your mother and sister for not serving you your food or coffee when you ask for it? If so.Have there been times when you have seen or met a woman who tempted you. or "whore"? Have you ever verbally or mentally used abusive words. Shower daily and use deodorants or other strong fragrance to smell good at home. cooking their meals. armpit or foot) emanating from himself. Your wife is a consultant. such as "bitch". that women are inherently evil. shave or clip anything that grows on your body. floss. However. Therefore. not just at the Jum'uah or Eid congregation. he overlooks it and remains silent. who has truly grasped the essence of Islamic teachings regarding the kind treatment of women. He also . and you thought: "slut". 3. toothpaste. The Prophet Muhammad [‫ ]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬did his personal chores himself. after beauty and physical attractiveness.

it should increase their respect for women in general. while their pregnant or newly-mother wife stays at home with the baby. even if she is absent. this . It goes without saying that chores such as getting groceries on the weekend. The good Muslim husband offers extra moral and physical support to his wife during these difficult phases in her life. He never overlooks her say in these matters. making an investment. or cooking a simple meal will raise your status in your wife's eyes and increase love for you in her heart. having his family members move in. Don't feel your manly ego busted if you have to give the baby its bottle or pacify it. vacuuming the carpets. games or the movies. some married Muslim men stay out late at night with friends. or "You look good". However. if you praise her within moderation in front of your family members. fixing the faucet or mowing the lawn should also be taken care of by you. especially before your family: It takes only three small words to give your wife a compliment.consults her in important matters before making the final decision e. in fact. Praise her small gestures or good traits openly. If nothing more. They find this out after marriage. or the rigors of pregnancy. 7. Take care of her during her pregnancy and breastfeeding: Unmarried men usually have no idea of the tremendous physical pain that Allah has decreed for the daughters of Adam. They hand over the responsibility of taking care of her to their mothers or sisters. and it will cause hatred to develop in the wife's heart. The Muslim husband is a doting and hands-on father. 5. at clubs. making your own breakfast or tea (especially if your wife is asleep or not well). naming their children. and it doesn't have to be every day. He. and this attribute makes his wife love him even more! 6. This behavior is inappropriate. Help her out in the household work: Occasionally washing the dishes. taking your wife to her doctor. going on a trip. but it will have an enormous impact on your marital relationship. when they witness their wife going through monthly cramps. a man doesn't become effeminate by doing household chores. becomes more manly and attractive to his spouse. restaurants. while your wife attends to an older child or her own genuine needs. Contrary to what Asian culture dictates. changing his job. Also.g. childbirth and breastfeeding. Those three words could be "This tastes delicious". or in even small matters such as what she'd like to order for herself when they eat out at a restaurant.

a wise Muslim man knows that just like everything else in this world that glitters. He reminds himself that the only permanent pleasure of beholding perpetually beautiful women is reserved for righteous people in Paradise. Hence. Be business-like when talking to them due to necessity." [Qur'an . especially when the Shaytaan makes non-mahrum women appear more attractive to him. it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah has placed abundant good in it. the beauty of his wife (or of any other woman. Sound boring? Well. they soon witness that having children makes their wives' bodies lose their shape. for that matter). Keep all kinds of conversations with women to a basic minimum. your wives) kindly.And treat them (i. Allah says in the Qur'an: ". and its existence in the world is fleeting. for you will be forgiven for the first. and a deception of Shaytaan. Do not look at other women: It obviously follows that if you want to make your marriage a true success and a haven of love and mercy. or on your cell phone. but not for the second. do not follow a glance with another. who have a string of women friends. or who regularly attend mixed parties.. you can't be a good Muslim unless you train yourself to obey . Remember that your wife will age and her beauty will die: Men have been programmed by Allah to desire beauty in women. then if you hate them. However. either at work. however. A good Muslim husband therefore. is temporary. reminds himself that beauty is of secondary importance. He commanded me to turn my gaze away. or on the Internet. 9. Just don't overdo it because too much praise has a negative effect. do not hang around men who stare at and pass comments on women's bodies.4: 19] Most men desire children.e.would be a sadaqah on your part. he focuses more on her other important and more long-lasting good traits." [AlTirmidhi] The Messenger of Allah [‫ ]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬said: "O Ali [his cousin]. 8." [Al-Tirmidhi: 2701] Therefore. you should obey the advice of the Prophet Muhammad [ ‫ ]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬in the Hadith below: Jareer ibn ‘Abdullah said: "I asked the Messenger of Allah [‫ ]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬about an accidental glance at a woman.

call her for sexual intimacy at any inopportune time. he does not think that the only way to "have her all to himself" is to trap her in his house. without his wife's consent. the Hadith that if prostration were permissible to other than Allah.the Prophet [‫ . of the Qur'anic verses and Hadith declaring their superiority and special rights over her. 11. And being a good Muslim husband can only be possible if you are a good Muslim first. What impact does this action . The best way to make her obey you is to let her have everything she wants -. or restrain her movement outside the house. if you say these things to her? What does saying such things to her imply about you as a person? Definitely. as a man. a good Muslim husband should never remind his wife of his higher status. eventually a time comes when most Muslims husbands have no idea how their wives spend their days. unless she persistently disobeys him or does actions that are forbidden by Allah.of reminding your wife of your superior rights . over and above what she deserves. 10.have on the innocent and well-meaning Muslim girl who has come to your house? What will she think of you.and to focus on giving her. and they could of course not work or study. are insecure. her rights. or waste time doing window shopping. She will then automatically become the devoted. the Muslim woman would be commanded to prostrate to her husband. or hiphopping from the mall to the tailor to get new outfits made. It doesn't bother them to know that their bored wives gossip for hours on the phone. Do not use the Qur'an and Hadith to establish your authority: It is very common for Muslim men to pointedly remind their wives in the first few days after marriage. attending ladies' lunches or tea-parties.]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬even if it goes against your base desires.within Islamic limits of course -. only once or twice a week. Your wife's adherence to religious obligations and her education are your responsibility: After years of marriage. the fact that Islam gives the husband the exclusive right to issue divorce verbally. even if they were involved in righteous Da'wah work or religious education. The most common reminders are: the husband's right to take up to four wives. Therefore. and are using your Islamic rights in a feeble attempt to establish authority over her. A man who is self-confident and righteous will never use this inappropriate method to try to overshadow and dominate his wife. . making her serve him all day like a personal valet. faithful and obedient wife that you want her to be. even for visiting her blood relatives. watch excessive movies and television. He doesn't feel insecure in his status as her husband. that you. So many Muslim women I know were told by their husbands in the first month of marriage that they could only visit their parents for such-and-such number of days per month.

to suspect your wife of displaying her beauty or flirting with other men without any credible evidence. He knows that Allah will question him about this. 12. pays the Zakath on her gold/silver/money. by using gentle reminders and arranging her education about Islam. halaqah's. seminars or workshops for gaining knowledge of Islam. 13. It is imperative that the husband make his wife fulfill the obligations of Islam. necessitating living with the husband's family in the same house for a few years. uncles. and trained in implementing the essential principles of Islamic character-building in the upbringing of her children. He should ensure that she performs the five daily prayers on time. A good Muslim husband should manage matters in such a way. is a grave sin that incurs Allah's wrath. Remember that to slander a chaste woman in any way. Many families bring their daughter-in-law home after her marriage. It is of course. even though this is a right of the wife (especially if she comes from an affluent family). Your job is to fulfill your responsibility of her religious character-building. without realizing that from now on. This is especially important if his brothers. with this poisonous jealousy. and wears modest clothing with hijab in front of men. but do this by dealing with her in the most beautiful manner. Don't mix the praiseworthy "ghiyarah" [protectiveness from harm and from falling into sin] that Muslim men should possess about their families. by having diplomatic negotiations with everyone in the house. He also spends on her secular education. She should also be taught how to recite the Qur'an properly. proper measures need to be observed in order to follow the Prophet Muhammad's [‫ ]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬advice: . Keep unnecessary jealousy in check: A point to note is that being concerned about your wife's activities and pastimes does not justify spying on her or being unnecessarily suspicious.A good Muslim husband is aware that his wife's secular and religious education is his responsibility. if she wants to pursue a degree. Pathological jealousy is a disease that destroys love between a husband and wife. male cousins or male servants are dwelling freely within the house. Maintain her privacy from your family: Most husbands cannot afford separate accommodation during the first years of marriage. fasts during Ramadan. overbearing and nosy about her affairs. so he strives to make sure that his wife gains knowledge of the Qur'an and attends sermons. frequenting the same kitchen and sitting room. Let her have a productive and intellectual life during the day. that his wife's privacy is maintained. one of the lowest deeds.

make it politely clear that this kind of questioning behavior is not right. where she will be comfortable.  She should not be ‘deliberately' overheard when she's talking on the phone. she should be allowed to eat her meals in privacy with you. can ensure the following:  Ask your family to not enter your wife's room unless she approves e. The sick daughter-in-law is made to bring in the heavy laundry load as she winces with pain. Sahih Muslim] This Hadith implies how careful a Muslim husband should be about his male relatives entering upon his wife." A man from the Ansar said. If they ask too many questions.  Sometimes. "The in-law is death.  Her laundry should not be hung in a place where your male relatives can see her personal garments. don't reveal her secrets or personal affairs to your family members. The aunt-in-law .  No one should rummage through her cupboard or handbag unless she approves. 15.g. always be polite and respectful to them. or if she has closed the door." [Sahih Al-Bukhari. "O Messenger of Allah! What about the in-law?" He said. If she does so happily.It was narrated from Uqbah Bin Amir [may Allah be pleased with him] that Allah's Messenger [‫ ]صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم‬said. when she's lying down. waiting. you can intervene to stop this action. Respect her family: Never unnecessarily degrade or demean any of her relatives. along with the rest of the family. by pointing out their faults or making fun of them. by interfering in your matters or intimidating her against you. However. Don't stand by mutely if your family members oppress your wife: The mother-in-law makes the heavily pregnant daughter-in-law cook the bread on the hot stove. everyone else in the house needn't know where she's gone and for how long. 14.  If she has gone somewhere with your permission. while the husband sits at the dining table. Note that scholars opine that the husband cannot force his wife to have all her meals with her in-laws. it is praiseworthy and recommended. You as a husband. If someone from her family is being unreasonable. but the husband sits with his family watching TV. especially in her private space (such as her bedroom). Lastly. "Beware of entering upon women.

They have two hormones gushing in their bodies.i. and fulfill all the latter's demands. He does not cave in to the unnecessary demands of any of them. Remember that Allah made her that way . clothes. Steer away from both extravagance and miserliness: It is not uncommon for husbands to give in to their wives' unnecessary demands -expensive foreign vacations. she's beautiful to behold. . crying. but when she's with you. at times.comes for a visit and constantly criticizes his wife's culinary skills in front of him. politely say something in her defense. but he pretends he doesn't hear. The good Muslim husband pays his wife her dower (Mahr) in full. Eventually the message will go across. He hands it over to her to spend as she wishes. providing them just the bare minimum in order to sustain their living. moody. Be patient and overlook them. children. parents and other relatives. How often do we see this scenario in our joint family households? What should a good Muslim husband do? He should quietly get up and help his wife. complaining. emotional. cranky. gullible and prone to tattle. suspicion. a new car or a bigger house. sharp-tongued. not to her father or any other male relative. 16. but the husband and wife should stick together as a team. Remember that the rib is bent: Finally.for the sake of Allah. Some even go as far as to relinquish their own relatives financially. we witness Muslim men who listen only to their parents about how to spend their money. she will display her negative traits too. Also. and the in-laws will know that his wife is not their servant. or ask her to stop doing the work and take over himself.the unjust accusations. irrational. and they will expect his wife to refuse his help. you can't do without her company.e. On the other extreme. I guarantee that his family members might not like this action of his. the house seems desolate when she leaves. and shouting . screaming. and always fears Allah in ensuring that he fulfills the responsibility of adequately providing for all his family members. Put up with her irrational behavior . 17. because their wife's demands are always first to be met.they are. the morning after she has come to his home. as a result of which their moods and feelings swing between extremities like a pendulum. he maintains a delicate balance in spending on his wife. but a member of the family who should be cared for. giving money to all far-flung family members. jewelry. the good Muslim husband should keep in mind that women of the world always come with their shortcomings . but keeping their wife and children in one small bedroom for years on end.

Allah's Messenger [‫صلی اللہ‬ ‫ ]علیہ وسلم‬said: "Woman was created from a bent rib.Narrated Abu Hurairah [may Allah be pleased with him]. If you will try to straighten her. you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to enjoy her. Sahih Muslim] . you will break her." [Sahih Al-Bukhari.

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