Social Power Dynamics: Overview

By Lucio Buffalmano / 22 minutes of reading

This article introduces the basics of social power dynamics.

To understand power dynamics as a discipline, see this article.

For power dynamics applied to social life, keep on reading.

Contents

Power Accountancy
Traffic Light System
Context Determines Intensity
Power Accounting: It’s Crucial to Assess People
Power Protecting: A Skill to Develop
Power Dynamics Principles
1. Power Moves Add Up Over Time (Sum-Up Effect)
2. Power Moves Gather Momentum Over Time (Momentum Effect)
3. Power Patterns Cristallyze And Become Reality (Cementing)
4. Your Level of Power Is Your Level, Minus Theirs (Net Effect)
Jocko Willink: High-Dominance, Low-Warmth Alpha
5. Power Imbalances Change Relationships, Can Turn Win-Win Into Lose-
Win
Social Strategy 101: Calibrating Power
Go Higher Power With Dominant Individuals, Lower With Submissive Ones
 Power Negotiation
Re-Empowering Strategies & Techniques
Traffic Lights Strategies
Green: Keep It Coming, Give Back
Yellow: be smooth, ignore, or use “passive resistance”
Orange: Higher intensity, + direct action
Red: enforce boundaries, give out-out warnings, or strategize
Fair Value Power

Power Accountancy
First, we start with “Power Accountancy”.

As a definition:

Power accountancy refers to the attitude and skills to track and analyze
power dynamics, and to leverage that analysis to select the best course of
action to achieve your goals.

Power accountancy first needs a certain level of emotional and social intelligence,
and an awareness of power dynamics -“Power Intelligence“-.
This website and Power University helps you develop both your awareness of
power dynamics and your attitude and skills to influence them.

Traffic Light System

Not all power moves are the same.

The first major difference is that some behavior is empowering, while some is
disempowering:

• Empowering: gives you power

 • Disempowering: takes your power away

Since disempowering behavior is more dangerous, we differentiate it further.

Some behavior is almost meaningless and you might even “let it slip”, while other
is highly disempowering and require immediate corrective action.

A simplified system to learn, understand, and categorize power dynamics is the

“traffic light system”:

The traffic light helps you better understand and analyze power dynamics.
From micro to macro, use it to classify individual power moves, interactions,
relationships, and people.

As an example for each, imagine the following behaviors in an office:

 • Empowering green: a colleague tells you: “I will drop my other tasks and send
you that document ASAP”
• Disempowering yellow: the boss tells you loudly and in front of the team
“send me that document ASAP please”
• Disempowering orange: a colleague tells you loudly and in front of the team
“send me that document ASAP please”
• Disempowering red: a report tells you, the boss, loudly and in front of the
team “send me that document ASAP please”

We purposefully used the same example to highlight an important property of

power dynamics:

Context Determines Intensity

What’s yellow, orange, or red is contextual.

To explain the power dynamics of the previous examples:

Empowering: a colleague who drops his other tasks is giving you top priority, and
treating you like a superior with more important things to do.

Sub-communication: “you’re important, and higher power”.

Disempowering yellow: the boss is supposed to give you tasks, and everyone
already knows that he is officially above you in the power hierarchy.
So there is little loss when he tasks you.
But still, there are degrees of power and status even in structured hierarchies.
So when he tasks you in a curt manner, it shows he has little respect, and that
makes it slightly disempowering.

Sub-communication: “you’re most certainly below me, and I do treat you like
you’re below me”

Disempowering orange: a colleague is at your same level, and usually not

supposed to task you.
So when he tasks you without power protecting, that is quite disempowering for
you.
If it becomes a habit, it starts becoming a reality that he is above you
(“cementing”). And when promotion time comes, it’s probably not you who’s
getting promoted.

Sub-communication: “I can task you because I’m higher power, or because my

work is more important than yours (or both)”

Disempowering red: as the boss, you are officially above your reports. And you are
supposed to be above them.
A report acting as he can freely task you is highly disempowering for your status,
image, and authority.

It can happen of course that a report has to task you. But to avoid disempowering
the boss, a smart report should be power protecting.
(example in Power University).
If they don’t power protect you, you should take steps.

Sub-communication: “I’m not expending any effort to show respect for your higher
power and official authority as the boss. Maybe that’s because I, or the team in
general, don’t even recognize you as the boss”.

Example: Leadership Power Dynamics

See Power University.

Power Accounting: It’s Crucial to Assess People

Power accountancy helps you assess people and relationships.

You want to be especially watchful at the beginning.

Are people:

• Empowering you
 • Neutral and treating you as equal
• Disempowering you

That tells you everything about how you want to deal with them, and what position
they deserve in your life.

For example:

• Empowering you: strategic friends who help with social proof

• Neutral, respecting you, and treating you as equal: friends, potentially same
value as you are, good for partnerships
• Disempowering you: not friends. Take corrective actions, or end the
relationship.

Power Protecting: A Skill to Develop

Power protecting means taking steps to minimize the disempowerment you cause
to others.

Take this example:

Power-protecting report: boss, do you think you can send me that

document today (power protects by leaving the final decision up to him)?
That way I can finish this task for the client” (provides a rationale why he
needs that document, and it’s a rationale that the boss is also likely to
want and approve of).

This is power-protecting.
And it’s part of well-developed people and political skills.
A report who power-protects his boss is more likely to be liked and rewarded by
the boss -and promoted-.
Power protecting works because the general rule is that nobody likes to be
disempowered.
And when you don’t power protect, you disempower others. So failing to power-
protect erodes social capital, harms your relationships, and makes it harder for you
to make friends and allies.
On the other hand, properly power-protecting increases social capital, improves
your relationships, and makes you more friends and allies.

Power-protecting is especially important with the types of personalities who are

most likely to become high-value, high-power individuals -such as, the ones who
are most instrumental to your own success-.

Power protecting is a skill you want to develop to:

• Ingratiate your superiors: leaders and bosses are very quick to dislike the
subordinates who disempower them. And they want to promote those who
empower them
• Make more friends and allies: people prefer to have as friends and allies those
who power-protect them, rahter than who take power from them
• Make fewer enemies: same as above. Most people don’t like those who
disempower them. And especially not those who are high-value and high-power
• Be smoother and more effective: often in life people aren’t contradicting,
escalating, or denying you a favor based on what you do or say, but based on
them feeling aggressed and disempowered.
They’ll never admit to that, but as proper social strategist, you know better now.

Power University and this website help you to strategically power-protect, without
losing power.

How to Keep Top Performers With Power-Protecting

This is more for leaders, founders, and managers.

See Power University.

 Power Dynamics Principles
Some of the most important principles of social power dynamics:

1. Power Moves Add Up Over Time (Sum-Up Effect)

The effects of value-adding or value-taking power moves tend to add up over time.

So a string of yellow-level one-ups becomes the equivalent of an orange or red if

you never take action.

Strategy
Act early to counteract or stop the power-taking behavior from reaching truly
damaging levels.

Death By a Thousand Cuts

The first few power moves -cuts- do little harm.

But if you do nothing to prevent more cuts, you’ll eventually end up lifeless -or, in
our case, powerless and at the bottom of the hierarchy-.
As an example of a progression of death by a thousand cuts, imagine this social exchange:

�. He takes the lead + dominant introduction: comes to you first, energetically shakes
your hand, speaks loudly, look at you straight in the eyes, slightly aggressive. You remain
neutral instead (losing out because of the net effect)
�. He leads the conversation, asks “where are you from”: you comply, give him what he
wants, without asking anything back. You relinquish any leadership on the interaction
�. He makes a slightly power-taking joke about your nationality: for example “oh we
have Lucio Corleone here, watch out for him guys”, and you laugh at it
�. You propose place X to go to, he says that “only losers go there” and you should all
go to Y place: people start seeing him as the leader, so they laugh at his joke and prefer
going along with his leadership

And you can then have even more cuts in the future:

• Cut 5, you arrive to the restaurants, he tells you where to sit because he
wants someone else close to him: now he takes one notch higher with a more
 disempowering power move -an orange-.
After all the yellows, the orange is the final nail in your coffin. You’re officially a
nobody in the group. Since you never took action, it’s difficult for you to buck the
trend now because the reality has “cemented”. And the reality is that he’s above
you, and that you’re a low-status member of the group.
Forget women in that group liking you, or guys wanting to befriend you.

2. Power Moves Gather Momentum Over Time

(Momentum Effect)
Trends of power dynamics gather speed and power.

And with momentum, it becomes harder to change the dynamics later on.

Strategy
Act early, stop their momentum, or build your own momentum

3. Power Patterns Cristallyze And Become Reality

(Cementing)
A pattern of power dynamics tends to form a new power reality.

For example, a string of power-taking power moves that you don’t correct for
crystallizes the reality of you being lower power and lower status.
The aggressor/power mover instead ends being above you in the power hierarchy.

This is very important for your success and your life as well.
And it’s the reason why Power University can be so life-changing: it helps you
prevent getting stuck at the bottom.

The consequences of a crystallized power structure are far-reaching.

In a workplace environment, if you get slotted beneath your colleague(s), you can
hardly be promoted to a managerial role.
Lower-status individuals can hardly be promoted, no matter the skills they
possess.
Lower status individuals are labeled as “non-leadership material”.
You become the guy/gal who “is a good guy, but doesn’t have “what it takes” for
added responsibility”.

However, keep in mind that a cemented power structure is not unchangeable.

It just takes more willpower, more skills, and some time. But you can de-crystallize
a bad power restructure, and re-crystallize a new one.

Strategy
Act early, act resolutely, correct power-taking patterns so you don’t end up lower
down.

Mindset
Always be ready to re-negotiate a more favorable power level.

4. Your Level of Power Is Your Level, Minus Theirs

(Net Effect)
If your level is 9.5, you might still end up second in command when a 10 is in the
room.

Chart:
Remember that social exchanges work over two channels: power, and warmth.

The power net effect is most pronounced when:

• Warmth is at generally low or very low (think: adversarial exchanges, colder

and/or aggressive individuals)
• Status and hierarchies are being negotiated (VS when they’re already
cemented)
• Power & status heavily influence the outcome (think: a negotiation)

In general, do not overplay the importance of the net effect in collaborative

relationships -else, you’re in the “dickhead-dom bucket”-.
But also do appreciate its importance in non-collaborative relationships and with
more aggressive individuals -else, you’re in the naive bucket-.

4.2. Warmth With More Dominant, Low-Warmth Individuals Increases

The Power Differential & Turns Into Submissivness
See an example here:
Jocko Willink: High-Dominance, Low-Warmth
Alpha
Warmth generally functions as:

�. Signal of friendliness
�. Signal of being an ally on your side (VS a neutral or enemy force)
�. Social balm (helps smooth things over)

When warmth is low, people are left wondering whether one is friendly or foe, and
that raises the stakes of the power accountancy.
But even if you generally know someone is not an enemy, low warmth
comparatively increases the importance of power and dominance.
And the “net effect” increases with individuals who are high power but low in
warmth because your friendliness can be easily misread as submissiveness and/or
kissing up to the powerful.

Take as an example Jocko Willink.

A stereotypical “alpha” and real-life G.I.-Joe, Jocko is around a 10 in power. And he
also often acts with low-warmth.
Example:
 Interviewer: Everybody go check out the podcast and book. I read the
book. And now I don’t blame the producers for anything, I just own all the
mistakes they make, and they love that. Thanks Jocko
Jocko: (barely laugh, expends very little effort) Outstanding

Jocko does not thank the interviewer for the effort he expended to promoting his
book, and barely reacts to his joke.
If the interviewer had been any friendlier and warmer, he’d have lost a lot of power.
The interviewer didn’t lose much power though because he delivered his joke
neutrally and with little warmth.

Jocko Willink-types are potentially challenging to deal with.

They are naturally very high power. And their low warmth makes you lose even
more power if you’re overly warm.
If you don’t want to lose too much power then, you must:

• Dial up your power

• Dial down your warmth (like the interviewer did)
 • Go lower energy (which is why this website cautions against the “high-energy
charisma” type)

See Power University for the “how”.

And what about those who are actively trying to dominate you?
Then it’s even more necessary to dial down your warmth, because friendliness
with aggressive people equals submissiveness.

5. Power Imbalances Change Relationships, Can

Turn Win-Win Into Lose-Win
From a power dynamics perspective, there are two types of relationships:

�. Relationships between equals: power tends to be balanced, people expect balance,

and imbalances are either harmful or resisted
�. Relationships between non-equals: power imbalances are the norm, and most people
are cool with it

An imbalance of power in relationships between non-equals is often the norm.

When relationships are either officially (ie.: boss-employee) or non-officially

between non-equals (ie.: high-power man, feminine woman), you can live with
power imbalances.

However, even in many non-equals relationships, the extent of that power

difference is up for negotiation.
And you’re better off being in the upper range of power, than in the lower range.

However, this distinction is important because many relationships start as equals,

but evolve into non-equals over time.
And they change over time depending on the power dynamics.

As a general rule:
You can lose your status as an equal if you let too many power-taking actions go
unchecked.

Over time, people also lose respect for you if you let them disempower you. They
might start thinking of you as unworthy of them.
And you can hardly have a win-win of equals when one party constantly acts
higher power than you.

Strategy
Back to the basics: don’t let people disempower you, stand up for your rights, and
take action to re-empower yourself.

Social Strategy 101: Calibrating Power

Calibration is the name of the game for the advanced social strategist.

This is a power chart of two people with different baseline power who first meet
each other.
In simpler terms, imagine you meet a more dominant individual (black) while you
keep behaving as you usually do (lower dominance compared to him):
 If you don’t understand the chart, please read how a candlestick chart works

In the chart, from the start, the other guy behaves and talks more dominantly.
And if you don’t adapt, you keep losing power over the next few backs and forth
until the net result cements with you being “below” him.

As a general rule:

The individual who is or behaves more dominant ends up being “above” in the
1:1 relationship, and higher status in the group’s hierarchy.

So the first rule of calibrating is to increase your power when dealing with more
dominant individuals.
IF they are also low-warmth, then it’s often a good idea to also decrease your own
warmth (heads up: it’s possible to be warm without losing power but it’s more
advanced).

For more examples, Power University.

Keep on reading to learn how you can improve your results when you meet more
dominant individuals.

Go Higher Power With Dominant Individuals,

Lower With Submissive Ones
The good social strategist calibrates both “up” and “down”.

Attention: you don’t necessarily, always have to calibrate.

The great news is that once you reach a good level of baseline power and
warmth, you can stick with it and do generally great.

However, if you want the next level, then calibration and flexibility are the way to
go.

We’ve already seen the costs of not adapting to more dominant, potentially lower-
warmth individuals.

But there are also costs to over-dominance.

So you may also want to adapt to lower-power individuals.
Coming across as too higher power can make people uncomfortable, fear you,
compete with you, or generally feel a “disconnect” with you.
That can stand in the way of developing rapport, social capital, and generally
making friends and allies -which is a basic strategy of life success-.

Increasing your warmth and friendliness is especially good if you’re a naturally very
dominant or imposing guy, and you don’t want to come across as a power
challenge with people who have a higher rank than you have (example: a boss at
work).

See Power University for more examples of “strategic submissiveness”.

Power Negotiation
Remember:
Power is a negotiation and you’re sitting at that negotiation table.

You also decide what level of power and status you have.

So the power-accountancy of an exchange is more like a set of steps of action-

reaction.

As in this chart:

Let’s take the same example we saw earlier and review how a higher power
individual handles it:

1. He takes the lead + overly dominant introduction

You, re-empowering self-defense 1: you shake his hand equally powerfully or put
a hand on his forearm if you don’t have as much strength. If he exaggerates,
comment on it (ie.: “man, are you trying to crush my hand or something”).
You look at him straight in the eyes and say “pleasure meeting you man” with a
strong and resonant voice.
Effect: Your answer brings the power back to almost neutral territory.

2. He takes the lead of the conversation, asks “where are you from” with a
dominant attitude
You, re-empowering self-defense 2: avoid 100% compliance. For example say
that you’re a world citizen or that it’s “difficult to say”, or that you “live in X, but
travel around”.
If you answer, you ask him a question back so that it’s not just you answering, but
also asking.

Effect: Since you either avoid submitting or turn it into a give & take, you now go
into power-positive territory.

3. He ignores your question, makes a power-taking joke about your nationality:

for example “oh man, everyone who’s been to Italy had his stuff stolen. What’s
wrong with you guys”.
You: re-empowering self-defense 3: you one-up back, for example: “nobody stole
anything from me, maybe your friends look like gullible marks”

Effect: you match power-taking with power-taking, showing power-awareness

and strong resolve. Since he tried to one-up you but you one-up him back and are
winning the frame battle, you go into positive territory.

For more, see Power University.

FOCUS POINT: The eagle move is to re-empower others from a position

of power
Notice the chart: your last move is re-empowering him.

That’s the eagle’s approach.

Once you’ve won, you use your position of power to make friends and allies and
bring people back up.

So you’d say something like “all cool man, glad we could clarify, you seem like a
cool guy”.

Re-Empowering Strategies & Techniques

Definition:

“re-empowering techniques” are all the techniques and behaviors we use

to defend against disempowering power moves and retain or regain our
power, status, respect, and self-respect

Re-empowering techniques are, by their very nature, about (social) self-defense.

A good chunk of this website is dedicated to self-defense.

Some examples:

• When people make you wait

• When people mispronounce your name
• Overpowering handshakes
• Games men play / games women play and counter-strategies

Traffic Lights Strategies

Reminder:

Power moves are contextual.

That being reminded, this paragraph gives you a general idea to strategize around
the traffic light system:

Green: Keep It Coming, Give Back

A good general approach is to reward people when they give you value or power.

But there are two opposite approaches that can work:

 �. Empower them back
�. Take as much as you can and act entitled (power-hogging)

See Power University for two examples.

Seek to Re-Empower
Power hogging can be fair in some situations.

And plenty of people can be duped into giving more and more.

However, to provide general guidelines, in most situations, you want to re-

empower and give back.

TPM does not endorse manipulating and taking advantage of others as much as
you can.
But we also seek to analyze things morally, for what they are.
And there are practical reasons for this strategy.

Why so?
Because:

• High power and smart people don’t usually keep on giving to those who just
take, so the “hogging” strategy mostly brings powerless and low-value people
around you
• Eagles feel no need to hog, from a self-development perspective, you
generally want an antifragile ego without needing the validation of hunchmen,
brown-nosers and (low-value) admirers
• Win-win of equals tend to make for larger pies: hogging partains to
relationships of non-equals. And the bigger pies grow when you exchange with
your equals, not with the fawners

Yellow: be smooth, ignore, or use “passive

resistance”
Yellow-level power moves are the most common power moves.

Paradoxically, they can be more challenging because they require more awareness
to spot them, and more social skills to deal with them.

See more in micro-aggressions.

And some pointers here:

1. Avoid sending any submissive signals

• Submissive behavior
• Submissive words

Make it a point to remain high-power instead.

2. Avoid thread-expanding on the power-taking

If they joke at your expense, do not add to it and do not self-deprecate.

3. Avoid confirming the power-taking frame

For example, if they make a joke or comment that self-frames them as higher
power, don’t laugh at it, and don’t say it’s true.

4. Ignore and observe

The very first time you can “ignore and observe”.

Such as, you take note of the power move, but do little or nothing.

You use this option when:

• It’s not worth your effort

• You want to give them the benefit of the doubt
• You know you can re-empower yourself easily later on
• When it’s strategically the best option

As an example of a strategic situation, think when you’re new in a group.

Imagine the leader pulls a yellow-level power move to “show who’s the leader”.
In that situation, you might not want to escalate against the wrong person or, since
you’re new, risk looking overly combative.
So you take note, gather your intelligence, and grow your status before taking
action.

When to address or let it go is a fundamental topic of self-empowerment.

Read more here.

5. Least Effort Re-Empowerment

Least effort resistance is a form of “passive self-defense” that requires no action.

Instead, it requires that you remove some type of behavior.

As we mentioned earlier, you remove the warmth and friendly signals:

Why do you want to remove kind and friendly behavior?

Because kind and friendly behavior in the face of power-taking behavior makes
you look submissive and confirms the power structure of them being above you.

Some examples of removing friendly behavior:

• Ignore him, and avoid greeting him first. Greeting someone first is a way of
sub-communicating “I’m really happy to see you”. Never greet an asshole or
power-taker first -or only do so in a perfunctory, quick and neutral fashion”
• Use neutral tonality: saying “pleasure meeting you” or “cool” with a flat
tonality removes much of the warmth and friendliness of those words. You can
avoid any form of “good seeing you” and just say “hey man” instead
• Don “neutral faces”, without smiles. Big smiles upon meeting or talking sub-
communicate “it’s really a pleasure meeting you”. Instead, use an obviously fake,
tight-lipped smile, or don’t smile at all. Looking away while greeting is a more
extreme way of removing all warmth (example later)

See Power University.

This approach is compatible with one of the fundamental laws of power, and can
be very effective.
If you execute it well and if you have some status the power taker will expend
effort on you to get some more friendly signals.
When that happens, you successfully turned the power tables.

PRO-TIP: Go lower power if you go very unfriendly

If you go very unfriendly it might be better to also lower the power or you can
come across overly confrontational, which is not good for you.
The best approach of this strategy is to cut down on the communication with the
power taker, so you have less room for friendly signals, as well as for high-power
behavior.

Orange: Higher intensity, + direct action

You can use the same techniques as above, but with higher intensity.

More direct options are possible, such as:

Proactive re-empowering
For example:

• Match over-dominance with dominant behavior of your own for example, if

they cup your hand while handshaking, it’s calibrated to place a hand on their
forearm
• Match their disempowering move (tit for tat): disempower them as they disempower
you. It’s important that you remain calibrated here.

We’ll see several techniques in the frame control lessons.

• Go assertive
• Go meta

Red: enforce boundaries, give out-out warnings, or

strategize
Two generally good options:

• Enforce your boundaries directly: for example “I don’t appreciate this tone”,
or “this is very rude, I have no intention of accepting this tone”
• Use an assertive format:
• Give an out-out: see the post “dealing with break-up threats” for examples
• Let it slip publcily, ask for private conversation: this is very good in work
situations with higher rank superios.
• Machiavellian strategizing: it can happen that you might not have have the power
to do much in some situations. That’s the time to strategize, either for future encounters,

or for deeper changes in yourslef and/or your life

Fair Value Power

Fair value is an approach we apply to both power and value.

As a quick reminder for value: when you over-sell yourself or act entitled, you
market yourself above fair value. That can work sometimes to get more. But it also
often rubs people the wrong way.
Especially those who know or who can assess the “true” value.

Well, it’s the same for power.

When you act higher power than your current level warrants, that can help
sometimes get more power and status.
But it can also rub people off the wrong way.

So as general rules:

• Act closer to your power in formal hierarchies: when power and status are
set, you want to act closer to your level of recognized power.
Such as, act like you’ve got power on the people below you, and power-protect
with the people above you.

• Act higher power in power-informal settings: when there is no fixed status

 and rank, you have more latitude to negotiate power.
So you want to act higher power because your behavior influences reality. So that
little extra tends to maximize your results.
Just make sure to add warmth, since over-dominance destroys social capital and
makes you enemies

• Be power-careful upon first meeting someone: the beginning of a

relationship is crucial.
As a general rule, you want to be on your best high-power/high-warmth
behavior, and calibrate to the context and individual (slightly higher power than
they are + re-empowering is a good rule of thumb).

Now We Understand Why Dominant Isn’t Always Better

 Thanks to Matthew for the infographic!

The concept of “fair value power” is one of the most foundational aspects of social
effectiveness.

Some guys who first approach power dynamics have a mindset that “more
dominant and more power is always better”.
Of course there is a place and time for “as much power as you can have”.

But that is obviously not the best approach as your baseline behavior because
“always more dominant” usually:

• Piss off the wrong people who have more power and authority than you have
• Make you a lot of uneccesary enemies
• Erodes social capital
• Builds resentment

We call that approach of “more power at all costs” dickhead-dom.

And dickheads aren’t the most successful folks in life.

The most successful ones across the board instead tend to have a baseline of high-
power and high-warmth, and calibrate to the situation.

This is a preview from Power University. Join the program for the full
version.

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About The Author

Lucio Buffalmano

The author holds a master's degree from La Sapienza, department of communication

and sociological research, and is a member of the American Psychology Association
(APA).
He studies psychology, persuasion, social & dating strategies, and anything related to
people and power dynamics.
Lucio's approach combines science, first-hand experience & critical analysis. He
believes that you can only teach social strategies if the three go together.

You can learn it all in one fell swoop with Power University.
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