Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Our most important theme The boy must die in order for the man to live This program is about you, and your inner boy, not about women If you can get and internalize what youre about to learn, and integrate it into your life, your success with women will take care of itself
Review This Program At Least Three Times Over The Next 90 Days
Review the program a minimum of once per month for three months, so you HEAR it all Work with the materials and exercises at least one hour per day for 90 days in a row to build a solid HABIT Make a personal commitment to get the most from your investment you spent the money and the time, and you deserve to get back as much as you can for it
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Its OK To Be A Man
In my original book Double Your Dating, I wrote a section called Its OK To Be A Man The idea here is that many men have learned to be unconsciously ashamed of their desires and natural drives and to repress or even hate them When you try to fight or even deny your own nature and drives, it will come back to bite you in the ass later in a million ways And when it comes back later, it wont be a simple drive to screw a womans brains out it will be a complex of neurotic thought/feeling/behavior patterns that are very difficult to unwire You must accept yourself, embrace the fact that youre a man and you have a nature, and then learn to observe all that happens from sexual impulses to killer instincts and harness the power that they imply
Boy
Man
Feels less than other men, has a deep grief that he usually wont address that can be characterized by the phrase I am a failure at one of my basic intrinsic purposes
Strength, protector, leader, mentor to other men, source of grounding energy, on his purpose
Exercise: Remember how to enjoy your life, list those things you enjoy most Remember how to enjoy the things you enjoy doing Remember WHY youve chosen the path youre on, and stay in touch with it
EXERCISE: Seeing The Difference Between What You Want And What Makes You Happy
List 10 things you want, quickly these can be material things, experiences, goals, whatever anything you want for yourself Examples might be a new car, spending more time with your best friend or friends, or traveling more Now write down a number from 1-10 that represents the improvement in your life quality that the thing will bring Notice how the things that will bring you the highest returns arent the things that cost money theyre the things that you just have to DO Think about how different you will feel, act, and be if your life were more full of those things that bring you the best returns Write down three things that youre going to do within the next seven days to include more of the things that you can do right now to make your life great
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A Look At Power
Where is your own personal power based? Is your competition with other men based in a powerful, masculine, secure maturity or is it based in a weak, insecure, over-compensating immaturity? Do you respect mature, adult men and treat them as worthy allies or adversaries, or do you secretly harbor thoughts of superiority? Is your ability to persuade based on whining, tyranny, or tantrums or is it based on credibility, authenticity, and wisdom? Is your personal power rooted in scarcity or abundance?
Individuation
Carl Jung used the term Individuation to describe the process of reaching your potential and becoming an integrated, mature person When you get in touch with your Unique Ability and Personal Path in life, then you make it a priority to stay on your path and work as much as possible developing and focusing your Unique Ability, an interesting cycle starts You become more mature on a continual basis, and you begin the process of learning similar things over and over again, but getting different lessons from them As you progress, develop, and integrate different aspects of your personality, you literally evolve The more evolved and integrated you become, the more individuated and the more you can both see your infinite connection with others at the same time as your individual differences and unique combination of gifts The power comes from being able to see both and hold both in your mind to embrace the paradox and allow it to give you energy
Certainty
People like certainty There is none in reality If you can provide it, represent it, communicate it, youll be more attractive If youre uncertain about what youre doing, others wont feel compelled to follow you, theyll doubt you People will flake, and theyll blame it on you if they feel uncertain about you If a woman thinks youre secretly a Wussbag that you might only be ACTING cool but underneath youre a clingy, insecure guy just waiting to smother her, shes going to bail If you can communicate a strong, stable, secure, masculine maturity, a woman will be less likely to flake out on you because she has more certainty about you The paradox here is that its often good to tease women, play a little bit when they ask questions, etc. You might ask How can you resolve the ideas that you want to create certainty about who you are while at the same time youre saying to keep her uncertain about things like what you do for a living or where you live? My answer is simple she wants certainty about her experience with you that its going to be enjoyable to her not about the details of your life
Mistake: Acting based on what you think shed think if she knew what you were thinking
Clarity
Clarity of personal path or mission, vision, values is attractive
Why Death?
Because humans primarily do two things with their minds: make meaning and ascribe value these are fundamental activities In order to make meaning and ascribe value, we need a reference point to start with Every meaning and value is relative to something (thanks, Einstein) When you conquer your fear of death, and keep it in the forefront of your mind, it gives you the ultimate context for considering everything When compared against death, the most painful and uncomfortable situation becomes a gift the meaning of anything becomes positive, and every aspect of life leads to gratitude
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Why Death?
When considered in the context of death, lessons become clear in all situations and you become thankful for the lessons immediately (or even in the midst of the previously painful process of learning by trials and tribulations) With life as the context, death becomes a repressed, ultimately haunting fear With death in mind and carefully considered as the context, life becomes joy Read from Dying Well, notice how things feel after
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Live Now
Remember, your body will die; embrace it and consider it often. Then live the life YOU want to live Take personal responsibility for your life, your results, and your happiness Every day, wake up, choose what you want to do that day, and do it Do things that get you into your body, and into the moment
Breeding Distrust
Ive often wondered to myself why so many young women lead two lives In one life, theyre a perfect, proper, innocent daughter In the other life, theyre a promiscuous, herd-following, twofaced, manipulative, distrusting girl-woman Is it something natural that happens to all women at some point in their lives? Why is it that some women dont go through this phase, and instead stay close and honest with their parents and themselves?
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Breeding Distrust
I think part of the answer might lie in the common practice of telling daughters that doing drugs makes you go crazy, sex isnt enjoyable and if you have it youll be a slut, and being interested in generation gap things isnt a good idea What happens when that girl, feeling alienated from her nonunderstanding parents, tries drugs, sex, and defiant fun things? Of course, she finds out that they feel GREAT which leads to her not only thinking that her parents were lying to her and must not love her (otherwise theyd have been honest with her), but also that they couldnt possibly understand her Which leads to a double life
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Elements Of Cool:
Off-beat sense of humor Sense of style, music, food, culture Laid back and unaffected by the opinions of others Not a suit, not a square, not a cone-head, not a nerd Causal dress, the dirty but not too trendy thing Not obsessed with proper grammar enjoys modern, hip words and terms Calm confidence can pose a little, has that composure Can make fun of themselves Doesnt act above others Independent, encourages independence in others Assumes a cool connection with others by leaning head back as a greeting, saying hey, whats up?, whats goin on?, etc.
Sexual Confidence
Sexual confidence is a key to being a "naturally attractive" man Sexual confidence means knowing that a woman will have an experience with you that she'll never forget Sexual confidence comes from understanding the psychology and physiology - the physical, logical, and emotional aspects - knowing how to touch, how to kiss, how to create anticipation, how to pleasure, fully get pleasure, ravish The key is that an inner sexual confidence that comes from knowing you can blow a woman's mind in bed affects ALL of your communication It literally colors everything from the way you hold yourself to the way you look at a woman to the words you use when talking When you have it, women respond very differently to you, see you differently, and often become somewhat anxious and excited about you Make it a point to learn to be an incredible lover, and cultivate Sexual Confidence
Real Man
Accepts things as they are fully, no judgment - then sets out to change them Can show his sword without killing people / using it Doesn't need or use threats Is the pillar of strength, security, protection in every situation Allows, encourages, enjoys when others shine, win and progress Needs nothing external to be happy
1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the world?
1) 2)
1 I feel that a man "grows up" when he accepts responsibility for his future and turns his attention to what is good for God, Country, Family, and friends instead of himself. I guess the "one most important thing" would be accepting responsibility. 2 Understand his intrinsic self worth, and find an unrelenting passion about something. It doesnt matter how insignificant it is and could be personal, professional, or relational (family, child, etc.). However, he should not let himself be defined by this thing or relationship; just his intrinsic passion, value and worth in himself. 3 Join a TEAM, as in sports, job, church, community, or mastermind group, in which there are other MORE mature mentors.
3) 4 One of my favorite snippets of wisdom about this subject is from (author of book Belly On Being 4) Sam KeenHe said the the bestsellingadvice "Fire In The about-being a A Man"). best piece of he ever got
man was: "There are only two questions a man must ask himself: The first is "Where am I going?" and the second is "Who will go with me?" If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble."
1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the world?
4)
What this means to me is if you focus on who will go with you first, you're in big trouble. But if you focus on where you are going, you'll have people lined up to go with you. SO the MOST IMPORTANT thing a man can do to "grow up" etc... is to KNOW WHERE HE'S GOING... and in order to do this, he needs to TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS OWN DESTINY... And since most men have no idea where they're going, what their purpose is and what they want to achieve with their lives, that's the place to START if he's wants to improve his situation in life (e.g. Doing some deep soul searching, then putting down ON PAPER his goals, dreams, standards, timelines etc).. I've completed tons of exercises like this (Tony Robbins, Mankind Project etc.) and have found them very helpful... particularly the one's that force you to look at your SHADOWS... You might get some interesting "Robert Bly-esque" insights from the CONFIDENTIAL attachment (Warriors 7 Stages Of Man) I've included from the "New Warrior Training Adventure
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1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to grow up and become a mature, self-directed, fulfilled adult man a man who has integrity, a sense of purpose, and a strong sense of his place in the world?
5)
In my opinion the single most important thing a man can do to "grow up" and become mature is to have children. The care of children and the fulfillment of their needs (which are continuous, obnoxious, and completely self centered on the child's "me,me,me") makes one grow up in a hurry. In addition, the absolute requirement to take care and support the children is so overwhelming that one has to change from youth to adult in a short period of time. Of course there are many positives and negatives about having children to begin with, and many parents are not very good at "being a parent". With regards to the rest of the question, here is where we get into the "purpose" of life. I will try to answer some of it by answering the other two questions.
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2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood?
1)
I believe a man must let go of the baggage in his past to become an adult. Yesterday is gone, today is already here, there is only the future. A man looks to the future.
Overcome Himself! He has to 2) approval/attention from others. let go the chains of his need for He has to let go of "scarcity" thinking, "victim" thinking, which are all boy-like ways of thought 3) I was hoping I wouldn't have to go here... however, since you 4) asked...needs to let go of trying to please MOMMY (and all female A man
figures) and take his balls back (and everything that entails) in order to truly become a MAN... A great crash course on this in my humble opinion is the "New Warrior Training Adventure" Weekend... (more about this at www.mankindproject.org) I think that in order to be an adult you need to not only let go of things but reprogram yourself. Things you need to let go of are first and foremost - THE NEED TO BE DEPENDENT. Easier said than done. It may require total reprogramming depending on your upbringing, parents etc.
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5)
2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood?
5)
First you need to be able to feel inside (the Tao of Steve kind of feeling) that you are able to take care of yourself regardless of the circumstances. By the way, most women NEVER lose their dependency on father, husband, Federal Government.....Those people who are not able to BELIEVE that they are independent become losers forever, always blaming others for their problems. The second stage of course, is to develop skills that allow you to be independent. This applies to money, business, women - everything. Don't forget: all people are SURVIVORS, but only women take credit for that. (I used this rare opportunity to show some heart felt disgust for women, who by some bad luck we need too much).
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3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a real man a pillar and example for younger men and how can he develop these qualities?
1) 2)
I believe the qualities a true man should develop include honesty, fidelity, loyalty, compassion, empathy, and humility, but most of all, a sense of thankfulness and wonderment for all that is right and good with the world. He has to be himself and be comfortable with that, whatever it is. I would also say, he should not be trying to be an example for others, as this naturally perturbs his pure ethos of being. Similar to Plato, his goal should be to live justly and prudently. To push this a bit further, even Plato hints it was Socrates ego/arrogance that got him executed, rather than exiled. How do you develop this? Whew, oh yea, this is easy: - An unrelenting drive for evolution; as opposed to a quest for perfection. Vince Lombardi has a nice quote about this: Perfection in unattainable. . .however, I do expect excellence. . .). - The unexamined life is not worth living - Plato If you cant measure it, you cant mange it. He must simply become more self-aware and understand why he does the things he does, both positive and negative. - Define his passion, personal utility and his unique personal competency. Avoid defining himself by actions and personality.
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3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a real man a pillar and example for younger men and how can he develop these qualities?
2)
Pooh just is Tao of Pooh You would never find Winnie in a transcendental gibbering mess. Hed be the guy bringing Eeyore a pot of honey, in an attempt to get the poor bastard to snap out of it. . .all whilst Piglet is franticly racing around trying to figure out if he is doing it right looking to Owl, and others for external approval. In short, dont do. . .BE! - Lastly I would say: Patience and balance. Not to be trite; however, He needs to understand this is a process and not a destination. By forgiving himself for his past in- action and poor execution; he becomes a self-directed student of life again, returning to his childhood curiosity in the body of a man; and knows himself for the first time. . . All that has been called "High Character", which historically have only been available from two sources: in ancient times, the study of either philosophy or theology, and in modern times, these both have evolved into PSYCHOANALYSIS and ORGANIZED RELIGION instead. Since one's parents would be the ideal source, yes that is true, but the only way to have community CONSENSUS on the quality of "teaching" by parents, is with either psychoanalysis or organized religion backing their parenting.
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3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a real man a pillar and example for younger men and how can he develop these qualities?
4)
The qualities I think a man should develop in himself are courage, sense of adventure, discipline/strength/integrity, curiosity (fascination with learning, growing, evolving), compassion for others and desire to contribute/make a difference He can develop these qualities by 1) Seeking a mentor/mentors to MODEL 2) "Being the change that he seeks" 3) Surrounding himself with like-minded individuals I believe that in order to feel successful you have to be true and honest to yourself. You have to be ethical, not necessarily according to other people's belief, but through your self generated set of ethical matrix. Of course, such ethics are very much influenced by others. You also need to know that you are doing the best you know how that way whether you succeed or fail you can not blame it on your lack of effort - the ability to generate effort, although partially genetic, is one of the only attributes that are greatly influenced by your environment. In general, you can not succeed without exerting tremendous amount of energy and effort. A "real man" will certainly know who he is, believe in his own ability (even if not boundless), be ethical and know that that image is projected through his selfconfidence and behavior. Other people (especially men) are attracted to the combination of elements projected by the "Real Man".
5)
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