On Being a Man Seminar Slides (August 21st, 2004) | Feeling | Man

The Boy Must Die
• Our most important theme • The boy must die in order for the man to live • This program is about you, and your inner boy, not about women • If you can get and internalize what you’re about to learn, and integrate it into your life, your success with women will take care of itself

Make A Clear Picture In Your Mind Of What You Want
• • • Make a clear picture in your mind of what you want to get out of this program Even though you don’t know exactly what you’re going to learn, you have an idea of what you came here to get Take a minute right now, and think about why you’re listening to me right now… what led you to this point… and make a picture of exactly what you want to get out of this program Focus on getting your outcome as we work together, learning how to become men who are naturally attractive to women Don’t skip this, if you need to, make a note and come back to this point… it’s important

• •

This Is Going To Be Heavy • • • • • The first part of this program is going to be heavy material I'm going to be talking about a lot of things that you might want to avoid hearing about You might be thinking to yourself "How the hell is this going to help me meet more women". I'm going to paint a lot of broad strokes to begin with. That's good That's exactly where you're supposed to be In my typical style. ultrauseful things for you to take and use And you're going to be introduced to a couple of guest speakers who will take you to the next level and really tie all of this material together Will you make the commitment to stay with me? • • . then wrap up at the end with some hard-hitting.

so you HEAR it all • Work with the materials and exercises at least one hour per day for 90 days in a row to build a solid HABIT • Make a personal commitment to get the most from your investment… you spent the money and the time.Review This Program At Least Three Times Over The Next 90 Days • Review the program a minimum of once per month for three months. and you deserve to get back as much as you can for it .

it was obvious to him that these guys had never learned what it meant to be a MAN They had no concept of what it even meant They didn’t understand what differentiated a man from a boy. and I realized that there was something deeper going on here. or how to develop into a man So I started to think about this point.The Origin Of This Program • I was talking with my good friend Rick the last night of filming my Mastery Program… keep in mind. and that he had a great point This program is the result of the thinking I did after that conversation… • • • • • • • . that program is all about going to deeper levels in order to really become a master in the area of women and dating You’ve probably seen Rick on some of my programs… he’s someone that a lot of men look up to when it comes to understanding women Rick said something very profound to me… He said that as he talked to the guys in the program. what qualities women are attracted to in men.

How Do You Define “Being A Man”? • What does “being a man” mean to you? • How does one BECOME a man? • What are the qualities that a MAN has? • What are the qualities that a MAN lacks? • What happens if you grow up without gaining the qualities of a man? .

he doesn’t even know the path EXISTS . then he not only can’t see the path to fix the problem. just because they enjoy being around you” • If a man is actually a grown-up boy. a man wants women to want to be around them without having to DO anything to “fake” who he is • Men have a deep. powerful longing to have women want to be with them just because they do… and men have a dark grief that follows them everywhere when they don’t have that special something that makes women want to be with them “for no reason at all.A Burning Desire For Manhood • Many men feel an invisible barrier to becoming a man… and that barrier is magnified by the inability to attract women by just BEING • In other words.

but not the other? In other words.” in this context. what if a man gets older and bigger. what if one of them happens. but not more mature at the same time? Or worse.” more specifically But what exactly is an “adult man”? Is it a man that’s over a certain size or age? Or is it a man that has matured past a certain point in life? Or both? More importantly. what if some vital part of the maturation process that’s usually present in the external world isn’t there at a critical point in a man’s development… so that he winds up stuck at a certain point either psychologically. is used to refer to an “adult male” or “adult male human being. developmentally or all? .Men Aren’t Men Anymore • • • • • • • • I believe that most of the people we refer to as “men” today are only called that because of their age and their size I don’t think that the word we’re using (“man” or “men”) has anything to do with the deeper meaning of the word “man” The word “man. emotionally.

We Were Never Shown The Way To Manhood • By virtue of being born relatively recently. in modern cultures. while doing a lot of good. has obscured the reality that we are. but we didn’t get the chance. and we don’t know how to “go back” and make it happen Even worse. the challenges. but we didn’t grow up We want to be men. MEN More • • • • . we’ve recently been going through a cultural phenomenon called “the men’s movement” that. most of us men were basically not offered the process of “becoming a man” the way it evolved over literally millions of years We missed the initiations. and the EARNING of our manhood We grew. fundamentally.

We Were Never Shown The Way To Manhood • • • • And yes. attention and adoration from women. we should learn how to deal with them in an authentic. the only way to get attention from women is becoming a master of PRETENDING to be someone… and using techniques to cover up your inability to be who you are • [Continued] . and wanting to fill that void is bad enough What makes it unbearable is that the one thing that we want at every level more than anything. is tied directly to this particular issue Without this issue handled. healthy way But that’s not what makes a woman feel ATTRACTION for a man… No way Feeling that there’s something missing.

The Critical Missing Elements • Didn’t have a father around. gangs and fraternities • We made it to adulthood. boot-camp. missing a critical set of elements… with no map or hints to find them . alone. so we had to be the man and raise ourselves • Were emasculated by our overbearing fathers • Were spoiled by good-intentioned mothers • Had no process of initiation at that critical time • We went through “pseudo-initiations” like sports.

you will go on feeling lonely. and we want to feel that way… maybe it’s strength. or being a protector. then the possibility for attraction or a relationship is instantly not an option in her mind… and she can’t control it An inner switch flips inside of her. and desperate… and nothing you try will fix it • • • • • . it’s still very real. and very obvious The Mysterious Missing Manhood is as painful to women as it is to men… and unless you learn how to develop your Missing Manhood. it’s like that nagging feeling that never quite makes it into normal consciousness… it’s like the “splinter in your mind” that Morpheus talks about in the movie The Matrix A woman can sense instantly if a man is “missing” his manhood And if he is. out of control. and it creates an invisible barrier… and even though that process and the barrier is invisible. or having earned the right to be a leader of others… whatever it is.The Mysterious Missing Manhood • As a result of not being shown the way to manhood at a critical point in our lives. many of us have a feeling of missing something inside… and that something can’t be described very well with words We know that we SHOULD feel a certain way.

Neoteny And Maturity • As I was studying human development over the last few years. the term “neoteny” kept coming up • Neoteny is a term that means “retaining juvenile features into adulthood” • Humans are born more “premature” and helpless than most mammals • Many mammals can literally get up and run for their lives within minutes of being born • Human babies are literally helpless for YEARS after being born • We are born premature because our huge heads that hold our huge brains can’t fit through the birth canal if they’re any bigger More .

Neoteny And Maturity • We retain our physical juvenile features for many years as we develop into adulthood… • Is it possible that we could be prone to retain our juvenile INTERNAL psychological and emotional features as well? • Is it possible that this process of being born immature and staying immature longer can lead to a PATTERN and HABIT of staying immature? • Is it possible that we become psychologically HABITUALIZED in the patterns of dependence on our mothers for everything from attention to love to affirmation and everything in between? [Continued] .

tyrant.. • Think of the ways that YOU manipulated when you were a boy • Now think of the ways that you still do these things. more “rationalizing to self” and more sophisticated versions • The first step is seeing and admitting where you’re still acting like a boy . more shrewd. etc. bully. vicky.. whiner.The Boy Must Die • The boy must die for the man to live • The caterpillar must die for the butterfly to live… a total transformation… not partial • "Grown Up Boy" syndromes. only older.

responsible… structure.Man Psychology And Boy Psychology • The “Inner Boy-Inner Man” continuum • We all have a part of us that’s a boy. You can be anywhere on the continuum • Boy. carry the load of the family and society . has fun with society • Man. It’s a continuum. freedom from responsibility… enjoys.

women.Some Questions To Start Opening The Door To Maturity • What are you not admitting? • What are you running away from? • What ideals are you clinging too tightly to about yourself. or relationships? • What do you need to realize and accept? • Where are you accepting second rate thinking and behavior from yourself? • Where are you not being authentic in life? • Where are you not demonstrating integrity to yourself? • What are you hiding? • WHY are you hiding? .

The Initiation Process • Primitive cultures universally practice initiation processes that boys must successfully pass through on their way to manhood • It seems that this need for a formal transition that is assisted by older men is hard-wired into us. but perverted when no ritual is present • The boy that grows up but isn’t initiated into manhood often winds up living a life fighting demons of childhood rather than developing into a fulfilled man .

embrace the fact that you’re a man and you have a nature. it won’t be a simple drive to screw a woman’s brains out… it will be a complex of neurotic thought/feeling/behavior patterns that are very difficult to unwire You must accept yourself. it will come back to bite you in the ass later… in a million ways And when it comes back later. and then learn to observe all that happens… from sexual impulses to killer instincts… and harness the power that they imply • • • .It’s OK To Be A Man • • In my original book “Double Your Dating.” I wrote a section called “It’s OK To Be A Man” The idea here is that many men have learned to be unconsciously ashamed of their desires and natural drives… and to repress or even hate them When you try to fight or even deny your own nature and drives.

but generate more digs. and cynicism than anything else… probably in the ratio of 80%/20% or so • • • • . sarcastic remarks.The Men’s Movement And The Women’s Movement • The women’s movement seems to me to be the process of naturally masculine women getting together and saying “you should act more masculine” to other women The men’s movement seems to me like a bunch of naturally feminine men getting together and saying “you should act more feminine” to other men It appears to me that the “typical” woman that’s a strong feminist/advocate of the women’s movement and the “typical” man who’s a strong supporter of the men’s movement are not TYPICAL at all I think that each of these “typical” members of these groups represents maybe 10% or 20% of the ACTUAL population I believe that this is why both of the movements ring true for all people at some level.

etc. it will come back to haunt you Repressing vs.The Anima And The Animus • • • • • All humans have at least some structures of the opposite sex present inside of them The Anima: The female archetypal structures in the man The Animus: The male archetypal structures in the woman As men. we’re taught to repress the Anima inside of us Common themes among men: Discomfort in the presence of men who act weak and looking down upon homosexual men because they are seen as somehow “less than a man”… gay jokes. Integrating Accept – Integrate – Transcend • • • . Your Animus is there… if you repress it.

and power to arrogantly display their superiority? Shirts "Bitch" or "I'm not in the mood to be stared at" Doesn't that just piss you off? This isn’t a result of women being women.Women That Piss You Off • Have you noticed how many women these days are using their youth. sexuality. looks. it’s the result of women not growing up… being stuck in the “girl-woman” phase… then having other girl-women write books for them • • • .

protector. Men. low self-esteem. cheater manipulator. tyrant Boy Man Feels less than other men. Attracting Women Can’t Attract Women Avoids and represses the fact. depression. on his purpose . has a deep grief that he usually won’t address that can be characterized by the phrase “I am a failure at one of my basic intrinsic purposes” Strength. mentor to other men.Boys. leader. source of grounding energy. arrogant. image of “loser” Can Attract Women Spoiled behavior. doesn’t confront because it’s too scary.

. Moving Against. or moving away from what you don’t want… or moving with others blindly • If you get "stuck" in any of these modes. Moving Away From. not what you don’t want… and pro-actively getting what you want rather than being activated and moving against others. it can be very negative to your life results and personality.Moving With. Moving Toward • Child • Adolescent • Adult • Mature Adult • Talk about the idea of these being the four stages you go through on your way to maturity… and on your way to focusing on what you want in your life.

Trying To Get The Love Or Approval Of: • • • • • • Father Mother Men Women List the places where you’ve been unconsciously trying to get attention and approval from each… make note if this has been for a long time List the ways which you subtly give others power over you by putting them above yourself. and the traits that trigger this unconscious process List what you do to subtly try to get attention and approval Now admit to yourself how and why these things are unhealthy Now mentally and emotionally let go of them Allow yourself to mature and become a healthy adult man who can respond consciously instead of reacting unconsciously • • • • .

so they don’t get a good start on this road at the beginning My own situation with my father Exercise from Mastery.Interacting With Other Men • • • • It’s important to become a man who can comfortably interact with other men Most men don’t have healthy relationships with their fathers. and how men reported feeling uncomfortable being close to masculine energy… had a gut level response Consciously address this in your own life. become comfortable with other men around you… it will free up mental energy for other things • .

but they TRY to follow. and when she doesn’t lead. They try to make her lead. or try to get her to lead • • • • • • . Diagram Of The Arrows This is a very simple testing system that guarantees a woman almost perfectly accurate results – any guy can luck through or fake his way past one test. following. responses.. This is a horrible mistake.Stay On Your Own Course • Men often try to follow a woman who doesn’t want to lead. explain. she isn't even leading. so are your chances of passing 10 test by a woman in an evening or even over weeks or months Stay on your course. change. and seeking approval of the woman. communication to yours Don’t back pedal. moods. behavior. in fact.. but just like your chances of flipping a coin and having it come up heads 10 times in a row are pretty close to 0%. they follow. She leads. even though she is all over the map Let her reorient her body. the man tries to convince her to lead with questions and body language that seeks approval Most men orient themselves by.

you naturally and intuitively go to work using your conscious mind to convince her conscious mind to like you. and making dramatic progress rapidly You stop blaming and acting victimized.The Illusion Of Control • Your conscious mind has the illusion that it’s in control. and you can begin handling the situation like a mature adult • • • • . and who you REALLY are When you realize that you’re not in conscious control of what you’re doing most of the time... not realizing that it's your “older” brain and systems that are actually controlling you. and that hers are controlling her A woman is using the clues she gets from you to make an assessment of what’s REALLY going on inside of you. and you naturally assume that a WOMAN'S conscious mind is in control as well (this just makes sense) So. you can begin seeing things for what they really are. living in this double illusion. and that hers isn’t either.

Gambling more when you have something definite to lose over having something definite to win is an example. behavior. we can take off this “success governor” and learn to improve these issues on an ongoing basis… which will ultimately accrue and become massive success. These “built-in mistakes” keep us from achieving greatness… and with a little work. investing long-term vs. • • . Many of them seem “intuitive” or “obvious” to the person who’s doing them… even though they are NOT the best thing to do in the situation. Think the stock market. short term. challenging attractive women. there is often a huge profit or gain to be made. and a few know how to do the counterintuitive to their own advantage.The “Critical Counterintuitive” Concept • Humans tend to follow certain “pre-programmed” or “hardwired” thought. When the herd is doing the intuitive to their own disadvantage. etc. communication sequences.

or unnaturally allow you to practice (contrived if you have to) so you’re programmed to do the right thing in the future More • • . and mentally rehearse doing the counter-intuitive so it triggers automatically in your mind Purposely put yourself into situations that either naturally allow you to practice.Taking Conscious Control Of The Self Improvement Process • • • Make the unconscious process conscious by learning how it works Recall times when you’ve personally made a mistake or had a success as a result of this process See the connection between doing the “Critical Counterintuitive” thing and either avoiding un-useful outcomes or achieving a useful outcome Imagine future situations.

psychology. • This is a concept that I need to apply to business.Taking Conscious Control Of The Self Improvement Process • For instance. our bigger-picture systems. • The KEY here is learning the “Critical Counterintuitive” thing to do. etc. self-improvement. or you say yes to all requests from women… or you don’t do the thing in a situation to trigger attraction. use this model. if you unconsciously hurt others to make yourself feel better temporarily. .

list those things you enjoy most Remember how to enjoy the things you enjoy doing Remember WHY you’ve chosen the path you’re on. success. women. and stay in touch with it . whatever) Exercise: • • • Remember how to enjoy your life.It’s Easy To Forget What You’re Doing • • • It's easy to lose sight of what you wanted when you started on the road to success It's easy to forget WHY you're doing what you're doing It's easy to forget what you enjoy when you reprogram yourself to be addicted to the outcome you’re seeking (whether it’s work.

and be if your life were more full of those things that bring you the best returns • Write down three things that you’re going to do within the next seven days to include more of the things that you can do right now to make your life great . or traveling more • Now write down a number from 1-10 that represents the improvement in your life quality that the thing will bring • Notice how the things that will bring you the highest returns aren’t the things that cost money… they’re the things that you just have to DO • Think about how different you will feel. quickly… these can be material things. spending more time with your best friend or friends. whatever… anything you want for yourself • Examples might be a new car. act. experiences. goals.EXERCISE: Seeing The Difference Between What You Want And What Makes You Happy • List 10 things you want.

your situation • Learn to see how the choices you’ve made have led you to where you are • Refuse to be a victim • Value the lesson more than the experience of learning it • Refuse to give anyone the power to take your joy from you .Take Personal Responsibility • Take personal responsibility for yourself. your thoughts.

All you can do is educate him…” .. And you don't trust the older men. You can't kill the demon.. and hole begins to fill automatically. but DEMONS it fills with demons. you want to shoot them down. demons of older men. a hole forms.. Not with nice things and teddy bears.The Importance Of Dad........ From Robert Bly • “When a boy's psyche is not in the presence of his father. demon's can't be killed.

therefore we expect them to be happy More .Sudden Success Syndrome And Resulting Resentment • When someone has a success in life. power. most people around them think that all their problems should be solved • We guys tend to think that things like money. and success with women should give a guy enough that he should be happy and never complain about anything • The “how would you know” response • We think that the solution WE want (getting lots of money or lots of women) would make us happy. such as winning the lottery or inheriting money.

power. or living in a fantasy world thinking that if he had success in a particular area of his life that all of his other problems would be “solved” [Continued] .Sudden Success Syndrome And Resulting Resentment • This is unrealistic and immature • Money. angry when a successful person expresses problems. and NEVER creates happiness by itself • A mature man understands that he is responsible for his own results… he is neither envious of the success of others. and success with women NEVER solves inner problems.

then one you didn’t like • Remember what you liked about your dad when you were little. remember what you didn’t like • Think about what you admire in men right now.Your Inner World Exercise • Remember a kid from childhood that you really liked. think about what you hate • Now think about what you love about women. and what you hate .

he doesn't want the women he wanted before . and attract women • Once a man learns how to keep his power.The Circle Of Male Development • Men give away their power to women to get approval • Women don't want men who give away their power • Men keep their power.

they don’t look to see if the problem is at a different level The “energy” that powers the archetypal structures may be far lower than the energy that powers a muscle. Leverage points like this exist in humans as well Most people try to work on the car when there’s a problem. then you cannot take advantage of the power of the starter… and thus you can’t take advantage of the power of the motor. a starter. but think of the leverage difference • • • . a car If the KEY is broken. a motor. The four thousand pound piece of metal is unusable because you don’t have the four ounce piece of metal. All of that power becomes inaccessible over something as small as a key.Different Levels Of Energy • • Think of these different levels: An ignition switch. the power of the car.

tyranny. adult men and treat them as worthy allies or adversaries. and wisdom? • Is your personal power rooted in scarcity or abundance? .A Look At Power • Where is your own personal power based? • Is your competition with other men based in a powerful. over-compensating immaturity? • Do you respect mature. authenticity. masculine. or tantrums… or is it based on credibility. insecure. secure maturity… or is it based in a weak. or do you secretly harbor thoughts of superiority? • Is your ability to persuade based on whining.

Questions About Your Father • What have you not communicated to your father that you've needed to let him know? • What have you not admitted? • What have you not said? • What has he not said to you that you've needed to hear? • What have you always wanted to hear from him? • What have you hated hearing from him .

and become authentic and transparent. wherever they may lead you . you’re very likely to feel a connection to a sense of grief inside of you • “Following the grief down” can become a source of fantastic enthusiasm for life… and it can lead to a feeling of connection. groundedness. and purpose that most men are not in touch with • It’s mature to allow all of these parts of you to connect together.A Thought From Robert Bly • Once you connect all of the parts of your conscious and unconscious mind. develop yourself to a certain level.

Grief Is The Doorway To Feeling • • • • Robert Bly has taught me that “grief is the doorway to feeling” In other words. and continue “downward” (as Robert Bly says). because he won’t even allow the “doorway” to stay open I’ve had several experiences over the last few years that have led to me feeling the unmistakable feeling of grief Only after allowing myself to experience the grief. you’ll probably need to allow yourself to feel grief FIRST Men are taught to act tough. more subtle emotions • • • . have I been able to experience other. and allow themselves to experience it. they slam the door right there… as soon as the grief starts This effectively protects a man from his deeper feelings. identify. and not show their feelings The first feeling that comes up for many men in emotional situations is grief… but since they’ve never been taught to recognize. to connect to your true feelings. feel through it.

Allow Yourself To Grieve • A mature man can grieve consciously. and know it’s a healthy process • It’s important to allow yourself to feel the emotion of grief when it presents itself… it’s a doorway to a much richer emotional life • Where have you stopped yourself from feeling grief? • Where should you allow yourself to grieve. and find out what’s after? • What can you do so you remember to allow yourself to feel the emotion of grief when it comes up for you? .

living in the present.Responding To Emotional Imprints • We remember things that happened in the presence of emotion • We often respond to our emotional imprints of situations from the past than to the actual event taking place in front of us • Becoming a man is about breaking those connections. and treating each situation as a new one… a new opportunity .

and the conscious man grow in depth .The Biggest Challenges In Life • To Observe Yourself • To Know Yourself • To Change Yourself • To let the boy die.

an interesting cycle starts You become more mature on a continual basis. the more individuated… and the more you can both see your infinite connection with others at the same time as your individual differences and unique combination of gifts The power comes from being able to see both and hold both in your mind… to embrace the paradox and allow it to give you energy • • • • .Individuation • • Carl Jung used the term “Individuation” to describe the process of reaching your potential and becoming an integrated. then you make it a priority to stay on your path and work as much as possible developing and focusing your Unique Ability. mature person When you get in touch with your Unique Ability and Personal Path in life. develop. but getting different lessons from them As you progress. and integrate different aspects of your personality. you literally evolve The more evolved and integrated you become. and you begin the process of learning similar things over and over again.

The More Personal. The More Universal • My mentor Gerry Ballinger taught me something that he learned from his mentor… that the more personal something is to you.The More Personal. the more universal it probably is • Realize that each of your insecurities is common. then be transparent… it’s liberating • Realize that your own individuality is a gift that you can appreciate more than anyone… so appreciate it and use it • Remember. The More Universal .

Deserving. Permission To Be A Man .

Then Individual Women • Understand men first • Understand yourself second • Understand women third • Understand the individual woman you’re dealing with last • When you understand all four levels.Understand Men. Then Women. they get an instant sense that we are connected… and they tend to become riveted to me • It’s obvious that you get something that other men don’t get • I have a connection with women that could stand any length of time between conversations and pick back up at any point in the future . Then Yourself. and can communicate this way to women that I’ve just met. you communicate in a different way • Now that I have some understanding of all levels.

and is the first mover in a huge new category. strong man who is on his own path. you hold yourself differently. you respond to situations differently and you use different words It’s easy to spot people who don’t get it. an adult. It would get their attention.The Secret Language Of Manhood • When you become a man. I know how to communicate with players… but how? • • • • . an independent. I’d send a simple letter to a VC: I have a business that I’ve built from scratch that’s been profitable from the beginning. You move differently. you begin to communicate differently. It’s easy to spot people who are trying to fake it. It’s also easy to spot people who do get it Great guitar players know another great guitar player by listening to just a few notes. They also know an amateur in just a few notes A woman knows a real man… I got this idea reading about venture capitalists (VCs) and selection on Seth Godin’s website. has no debt.

others won’t feel compelled to follow you.Certainty • • • • • • People like certainty There is none in reality If you can provide it. you’ll be more attractive If you’re uncertain about what you’re doing. and they’ll blame it on you if they feel uncertain about you If a woman thinks you’re secretly a Wussbag… that you might only be ACTING cool… but underneath you’re a clingy. secure. a woman will be less likely to flake out on you because she has more certainty about you The paradox here is that it’s often good to tease women. masculine maturity. insecure guy just waiting to smother her. You might ask “How can you resolve the ideas that you want to create certainty about who you are while at the same time you’re saying to keep her uncertain about things like what you do for a living or where you live?” My answer is simple… she wants certainty about her experience with you… that it’s going to be enjoyable to her… not about the details of your life • • • . etc. communicate it. they’ll doubt you People will flake. she’s going to bail… If you can communicate a strong. play a little bit when they ask questions. represent it. stable.

Feature Your Insecurities Until You’re Over Them • Practice making cocky jokes about them when you first meet a woman and are flirting • “This is never going to work out. and I’d always win” . and I overcompensate for being short by acting arrogant… so we’d always argue. you’re not good at arguing.

or women that are new in your life This concept actually applies to all relationships in life It’s mature to allow others to live their lives and enjoy experiences without you… without you feeling that you’re losing something The other side of this coin is to allow YOURSELF to live your life and enjoy your own experiences without the feeling that you need others to validate your enjoyment • • • • • .The Feeling Of Loss If You’re Not Necessary • • Many men feel “left out” if a woman wants to do something alone or with friends other than him Get over the automatic response feeling of jealousy or loss or sadness if she’s enjoying or looking forward to enjoying doing something without you Cultivate ability to want to do things without HER… and enjoy them These are especially important when it comes to women you aren’t already with.

Mistake: Acting based on what you think she’d think if she knew what you were thinking .

Jung’s Hero’s Journey • The real magic of becoming a man is about becoming a man who helps other men develop and evolve… to help them individuate .

Clarity • Clarity of personal path or mission. values is attractive . vision.

Boy-Man thinks that he’s done the same. you can move forward with strength and confidence. and has planned accordingly The immature. knowing that you’ve planned for most of what could happen. and the odds are on your side By doing this. Manipulation • • A sign of a mature man is forethought (Aristotle) Part of maturity is thinking future events all the way through with discipline… instead of guessing. it frees up your mind to deal with the exceptions as they arise With women. a mature man has thought through all the possible situations and scenarios. Forethought Vs. and leaving things to luck When you’ve thought scenarios through. Pretending.Maturity Vs. only it’s not the same at all More • • • • . wishing.

and wanting to add to your woman’s life experience and joy. Pretending. If it does. not more… If the feeling inside of you is one of strength. then you’re on the right track • .Maturity Vs. they you’re allowing the Boy-Man inside of you to run things… which will ultimately lead you to a feeling of less fulfillment. or dishonest in any way. Manipulation • • The Boy-Man uses tricks and techniques to manipulate. sneaky. Forethought Vs. authenticity. and only lives for the moment and instant gratification The test you can apply anytime is simple: Ask yourself if what you’re doing feels manipulative.

Becoming A Man Meas Giving Up: • Throwing emotional tantrums to get attention • Correcting people because you need to feel important • Disagreeing with people to show your superiority • Being a "know it all" so people will give you approval • Saying and doing things to win attention and approval. not add value and genuinely help a situation .

you’ll need to overcome fear of death.Keeping Death In Mind • Keep death in mind daily • In order to do this in a way that will be helpful. so we can USE the thought of death as a tool to enjoy LIFE more . almost all of those things are gone. and fear of pain leading to death • These fears are so strong because thousands of years ago they helped us avoid things and situations that might actually cause death • Today.

you have now proven to yourself that you can overcome the biggest fear in life • There’s a level PAST overcoming your fear of death… that level is actually embracing the reality of death. and you’ve addressed your issues around it. and the fear of physical pain leading to death. happiness . and becoming familiar with the thought • Once you do become familiar with it. joy.Death Does Not Have To Be Scary • When you overcome the fear of death. you can literally begin to use it as a source of strength.

it gives you the ultimate context for considering everything When compared against death. the most painful and uncomfortable situation becomes a gift… the meaning of anything becomes positive. Einstein) When you conquer your fear of death. and keep it in the forefront of your mind.Why Death? • Because humans primarily do two things with their minds: make meaning and ascribe value… these are fundamental activities In order to make meaning and ascribe value. and every aspect of life leads to gratitude • • • • More . we need a reference point to start with Every meaning and value is relative to something (thanks.

death becomes a repressed. ultimately haunting fear With death in mind and carefully considered as the context. lessons become clear in all situations… and you become thankful for the lessons immediately (or even in the midst of the previously painful process of learning by trials and tribulations) With life as the context.Why Death? • When considered in the context of death. notice how things feel after • • • [Continued] . life becomes joy Read from Dying Well.

The Heart-Connected Killer • My friend Amber Lupton spoke at my Mastery Program (which I highly recommend). and a killer at the same time? The answer is that BOTH are inside every man… the killer is in there… and the compassionate. and introduced me to a concept called “The Heart-Connected Killer” At first. loving man is in there too A woman needs to feel your strength and power while she’s feeling that you are connected to your heart and emotions… but she also needs to trust that if something were to happen. and another is to ravish her What are some others? • • • • • • . protecting. you would kill to protect her without hesitation How can a woman tell if you’re a Heart-Connected killer? One way is to let her know that she’s safe. this doesn’t make sense… how can a man be connected to his heart.

Live Now • Remember. and into the moment . embrace it and consider it often. wake up. Then live the life YOU want to live • Take personal responsibility for your life. choose what you want to do that day. your results. and your happiness • Every day. and do it • Do things that get you into your body. your body will die.

Most Men Weren’t Happy Single First • Most men in relationships or marriage. did not enter them from a place of previously being content alone. and PREFERING not to be with a woman… then Choosing to enter into the relationship .

give away power. destroy attraction in relationship Switch to: Build a happy single life Prefer and choose to be single Choose a relationship Choose a marriage or long-term relationship This is all about becoming a man who has such a great life in and out that he WANTS to be single first Make your single life so fantastic that you almost don't have time for a relationship Build a life that you love Fill your life with so many things you enjoy that make your life better that you literally have to think about how to fit a woman in Enter a relationship to improve your already great life. so you can be your best when you’re with your mate • • • • • • . build a personal life to enjoy on your own.Build A Happy Single Life • • Most men: Unhappy alone Find a woman to cling to Hold on too tightly. not to be your life If you're in a relationship.

Masculine Self-Image • Self Concept • Self Assurance • Self Interest • Self Comfort .Elements Of A Healthy.

• Other in influential positions • Women they’re dating • Other men • Their own life . • Competition form other men • Loss or setback • Conflict or drama • Tests from women Clear path. uncertainty Composure in the face of. • Class... refinement • Beautiful women • Power and high-status people • Paradox.... style.Outward Signs Of A Real Man Comfort in the presence of. boundaries when dealing with.. values.

values. boundaries? .EXERCISE: Ask Yourself • What makes me uncomfortable. and what’s the underlying reason for it? • Where do I lose composure in life? • Where do I reveal a lack of clarity in my path.

Seven Virtues And Seven Vices • Love/Envy • Temperance/Gluttony • Humility/Pride • Patience/Anger • Justice/Greed • Faith/Lust • Fortitude/Sloth • Your unique combination of these virtues and vices makes up your CHARACTER. .

Qualities Of Male Maturity • A balanced perspective • An attitude of non-judgment • An understanding that everyone has a positive intention • A powerful sense of self • An air of stability… the deep root. the strong foundation • TRUSTWORTHINESS .

innocent daughter In the other life. manipulative. they’re a perfect. they’re a promiscuous. proper.Breeding Distrust • • • • • I’ve often wondered to myself why so many young women lead two lives In one life. distrusting girl-woman Is it something natural that happens to all women at some point in their lives? Why is it that some women don’t go through this phase. twofaced. herd-following. and instead stay close and honest with their parents and themselves? More .

she finds out that they feel GREAT… which leads to her not only thinking that her parents were lying to her and must not love her (otherwise they’d have been honest with her).Breeding Distrust • I think part of the answer might lie in the common practice of telling daughters that doing drugs makes you go crazy. and defiant fun things? Of course. tries drugs. sex isn’t enjoyable and if you have it you’ll be a slut. but also that they couldn’t possibly understand her… Which leads to a “double life” • • • [Continued] . feeling alienated from her nonunderstanding parents. and being interested in “generation gap” things isn’t a good idea What happens when that girl. sex.

you will encounter many attractive young women who have these “double identities” Unfortunately. and not seeing the “other” side of her personality… and even worse. low morals. as well as the ability to make a woman feel accepted for who she is Incidentally. or poor ethics from a woman • • . not suspecting that it’s even possible that it could be there One mark of a mature man is the combination of his ability to see and accept the reality of any and all “sides” of a woman. this does not imply that a man must “tolerate” or “accept” second-class behavior.Dealing With A Women Who Has A Double Identity • • As a mature man. most men fall into the trap of seeing only the “angel” in a woman.

improvement. physical. and emotional… as well as a habit of learning one after the other. and enjoyment • Areas to develop include art. psychology. philosophy. music. science. etc. . performance. on a lifelong quest of self-actualization.The Concept Of The Renaissance Man • Leonardo Da Vinci was the “original” Renaissance Man • Women complain that there are none left • The Renaissance Man embodies the concept of actualizing all of the different potentials that lie dormant in every man • It implies becoming a master of many different areas of life. logical.

Clues You’re Dealing With A Real Man • An air of approachableness • A “never let them see you sweat” attitude • An unwillingness to accept second class thinking and behavior • Mentor to younger men • Pillar of strength and security in self and values • Defender and protector of those less able to defend and protect themselves • Encourager and challenger of those not living up to their potential .

External Qualities To Consider • Mysterious Confidence • Humor • Wit • Charm • Sophistication • Leadership • Class • Chivalry • Style • Smoothness/Grace • Comfort • Composure .

isn’t emotionally reactive. nor being overly stand-offish • A “cool” person isn’t too excited about anything.The Art Of Cool • What exactly is “cool”? • Why is the word used so often? • It implies a temperature that is between warm and cold… which. and has control of themselves . implies neither coming on too strong. isn’t too affected by anything. when applied to personality or attitude.

Questions I Ask Myself A Lot • What is cool? What is square? How can I get one to understand these and the concept of “cool”? • How can a "square" learn to act "cool"? • What is cool? How can I describe the transition? What is the way? • Remember: A cool guy can interact with squares and other cool people comfortably… whereas a square cannot do the same .

encourages independence in others Assumes a “cool” connection with others by leaning head back as a greeting. the dirty but not too trendy thing Not obsessed with proper grammar… enjoys modern. has that composure… Can make fun of themselves Doesn’t act “above” others Independent. music.Elements Of Cool: • • • • • • • • • • • Off-beat sense of humor Sense of style. etc. culture Laid back and unaffected by the opinions of others Not “a suit”. “what’s up?”. not “a nerd” Causal dress. hip words and terms Calm confidence… can pose a little. food. . not “a square”. “what’s goin’ on?”. not “a cone-head”. saying “hey”.

Feeling Different Ways Of Saying Hello • Surface “Hello. um. how are you” smiling • Insecure “Oh. hi there” • Cool guy “What’s up” head back • Sly smile lean head back slowly… no words .

knowing how to touch. how to pleasure. and often become somewhat anxious and excited about you Make it a point to learn to be an incredible lover. how to create anticipation. and emotional aspects . ravish The key is that an inner sexual confidence that comes from knowing you can blow a woman's mind in bed affects ALL of your communication It literally colors everything from the way you hold yourself to the way you look at a woman to the words you use when talking When you have it. and cultivate Sexual Confidence • • • • . women respond very differently to you. logical. see you differently.the physical.Sexual Confidence • • • Sexual confidence is a key to being a "naturally attractive" man Sexual confidence means knowing that a woman will have an experience with you that she'll never forget Sexual confidence comes from understanding the psychology and physiology . fully get pleasure. how to kiss.

win and progress • Needs nothing external to be happy .then sets out to change them • Can show his sword without killing people / using it • Doesn't need or use threats • Is the pillar of strength. encourages. enjoys when others shine. no judgment . security.Real Man • Accepts things as they are fully. protection in every situation • Allows.

Giving All Of Yourself Indiscriminately Will Kill Attraction
• The message that a woman gets when you obviously offer “everything” to her is that you aren’t the most important person in your life… SHE is • Keep a part of yourself “off limits” and totally unavailable to women • If you want to maintain the attraction, don’t hand over the keys and the pink slip… just let her enjoy the feeling of being able to be near that deep masculinity

Set A Boundary With Her As Soon As Possible
• Setting boundaries with women (when it’s used correctly) establishes leadership, status, and masculinity • Set boundaries in a playful, fun way, but also set them when it comes to serious issues as well… don’t hesitate to set a boundary if a woman is playing games • Say "no" to something she wants • Push her away when she’s trying to hug you

Be The Star, Not The Planet
• Most men behave like planets looking for a star to orbit • Be the star - a centered man that women want to orbit • When you become so rock-solid internally and so mature that no random woman can affect you, then you begin to affect THEM. • You lose your concern with what she thinks of you, which frees up your mind, emotions, communication channels, and behavior to be yourself. • The positive aspect is that it makes you far more transparent and authentic… the negative is that if you don’t have your inner game together and your immature boy nature dealt with, THAT will shine through and reveal things that will hurt you

you’re pretty confident in yourself” or make mention of some aspect of you that’s “too masculine” • A man who is on his path or purpose and being himself will see this as a positive sign. not a negative one .When Women Can Feel Your Masculinity • Sometimes a woman will sense your powerful male energy and say “Wow.

fulfilled “adult man”… a man who has integrity. self-directed. a sense of purpose.Feedback From Real Men On Being A Man I asked some of my male friends who I respect tremendously to answer the following three questions: 1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to “grow up” and become a mature. and I want to share them with you… . and a strong sense of his place in the world? 2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood? 3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a “real man”… a pillar and example for younger men… and how can he develop these qualities? I received five sets of answers.

in which there are other MORE mature mentors. fulfilled “adult man”… a man who has integrity. and find an unrelenting passion about ‘something. or relational (family. 3) 4 One of my favorite snippets of wisdom about this subject is from (author of book Belly On Being 4) Sam KeenHe said the the bestsellingadvice "Fire In The about-being a A Man"). and a strong sense of his place in the world? 1) 2) 1 I feel that a man "grows up" when he accepts responsibility for his future and turns his attention to what is good for God. child. just his intrinsic passion. However.1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to “grow up” and become a mature. best piece of he ever got man was: "There are only two questions a man must ask himself: The first is "Where am I going?" and the second is "Who will go with me?" If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble. 3 Join a TEAM. etc. professional. self-directed. job. church. I guess the "one most important thing" would be accepting responsibility. value and worth in himself." . he should not let himself be ‘defined’ by this thing or relationship.). Country. community.’ It doesn’t matter how insignificant it is and could be personal. as in sports. Family. a sense of purpose. 2 Understand his intrinsic self worth. or mastermind group. and friends instead of himself.

particularly the one's that force you to look at your SHADOWS.. he needs to TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS OWN DESTINY. that's the place to START if he's wants to improve his situation in life (e. But if you focus on where you are going.. then putting down ON PAPER his goals. standards. self-directed. you'll have people lined up to go with you.) and have found them very helpful. you're in big trouble..1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to “grow up” and become a mature.. SO the MOST IMPORTANT thing a man can do to "grow up" etc..g. what their purpose is and what they want to achieve with their lives. a sense of purpose. dreams. timelines etc)... Doing some deep soul searching... You might get some interesting "Robert Bly-esque" insights from the CONFIDENTIAL attachment (Warriors 7 Stages Of Man) I've included from the "New Warrior Training Adventure“ [Continued] More . fulfilled “adult man”… a man who has integrity. Mankind Project etc. is to KNOW WHERE HE'S GOING. I've completed tons of exercises like this (Tony Robbins.. and in order to do this.. And since most men have no idea where they're going. and a strong sense of his place in the world? 4) What this means to me is if you focus on who will go with you first.

and a strong sense of his place in the world? 5) “In my opinion the single most important thing a man can do to "grow up" and become mature is to have children. self-directed. obnoxious. I will try to answer some of it by answering the other two questions. fulfilled “adult man”… a man who has integrity.me. here is where we get into the "purpose" of life. the absolute requirement to take care and support the children is so overwhelming that one has to change from youth to adult in a short period of time.1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to “grow up” and become a mature. Of course there are many positives and negatives about having children to begin with. In addition. With regards to the rest of the question. and completely self centered on the child's "me.” [Continued] . and many parents are not very good at "being a parent". The care of children and the fulfillment of their needs (which are continuous. a sense of purpose.me") makes one grow up in a hurry.

. Yesterday is gone. today is already here... since you 4) asked. A man looks to the future. which are all boy-like ways of thought 3) I was hoping I wouldn't have to go here.THE NEED TO BE DEPENDENT.2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood? 1) I believe a man must let go of the baggage in his past to become an adult. parents etc. "victim" thinking.. It may require total reprogramming depending on your upbringing. Overcome Himself! He has to 2) approval/attention from others. Easier said than done.needs to let go of trying to please MOMMY (and all female A man figures) and take his balls back (and everything that entails) in order to truly become a MAN.mankindproject.. let go the chains of his need for He has to let go of "scarcity" thinking. however. there is only the future.. More 5) . (more about this at www. Things you need to let go of are first and foremost . A great crash course on this in my humble opinion is the "New Warrior Training Adventure" Weekend.org) “I think that in order to be an adult you need to not only let go of things but reprogram yourself...

but only women take credit for that. women . is to develop skills that allow you to be independent.. husband.Those people who are not able to BELIEVE that they are independent become losers forever. This applies to money.. (I used this rare opportunity to show some heart felt disgust for women. business. most women NEVER lose their dependency on father. always blaming others for their problems.” [Continued] ..everything. who by some bad luck we need too much). Federal Government. Don't forget: all people are SURVIVORS. The second stage of course.2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood? 5) First you need to be able to feel inside (the Tao of Steve kind of feeling) that you are able to take care of yourself regardless of the circumstances. By the way..

empathy. To push this a bit further. as this naturally perturbs his pure ethos of being. fidelity. personal utility and his unique personal competency. his goal should be to live justly and prudently. More . loyalty. .3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a “real man”… a pillar and example for younger men… and how can he develop these qualities? 1) 2) I believe the qualities a true man should develop include honesty. . . oh yea. Similar to Plato. I would also say. Vince Lombardi has a nice quote about this: “Perfection in unattainable. a sense of thankfulness and wonderment for all that is right and good with the world. rather than exiled. you can’t mange it.Define his passion.Plato If you can’t measure it. as opposed to a quest for perfection.An unrelenting drive for evolution. and humility.however.“The unexamined life is not worth living” . . He must simply become more self-aware and understand why he does the things he does. How do you develop this? Whew. both positive and negative.”). but most of all. Avoid defining himself by actions and personality. compassion. . even Plato hints it was Socrates’ ego/arrogance that got him executed. whatever ‘it’ is. this is easy: . . He has to be himself and be comfortable with that. I do expect excellence. he should not be ‘trying’ to be an example for others.

3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a “real man”… a pillar and example for younger men… and how can he develop these qualities? 2) “Pooh just is” – Tao of Pooh You would never find Winnie in a transcendental gibbering mess. yes that is true. returning to his childhood curiosity in the body of a man. and others for external approval. He’d be the guy bringing Eeyore a pot of honey. the study of either philosophy or theology. is with either psychoanalysis or organized religion backing their parenting. these both have evolved into PSYCHOANALYSIS and ORGANIZED RELIGION instead. He needs to understand this is a process and not a destination. . In short. which historically have only been available from two sources: in ancient times. in an attempt to get the poor bastard to snap out of it. . . and knows himself for the first time. . don’t do. and in modern times. however.all whilst Piglet is franticly racing around trying to figure out if he is ‘doing it right’ looking to Owl. he becomes a self-directed student of life again. but the only way to have community CONSENSUS on the quality of "teaching" by parents.BE! .Lastly I would say: Patience and balance. By forgiving himself for his past in. Since one's parents would be the ideal source. .action and poor execution. Not to be trite. All that has been called "High Character". . More 3) [Continued] .

Of course. curiosity (fascination with learning.the ability to generate effort. In general. A "real man" will certainly know who he is. not necessarily according to other people's belief. discipline/strength/integrity. is one of the only attributes that are greatly influenced by your environment. believe in his own ability (even if not boundless). sense of adventure. such ethics are very much influenced by others. Other people (especially men) are attracted to the combination of elements projected by the "Real Man". be ethical and know that that image is projected through his selfconfidence and behavior. but through your self generated set of ethical matrix.” 5) [Continued] . you can not succeed without exerting tremendous amount of energy and effort. although partially genetic.3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a “real man”… a pillar and example for younger men… and how can he develop these qualities? 4) The qualities I think a man should develop in himself are courage. You also need to know that you are doing the best you know how that way whether you succeed or fail you can not blame it on your lack of effort . You have to be ethical. compassion for others and desire to contribute/make a difference He can develop these qualities by 1) Seeking a mentor/mentors to MODEL 2) "Being the change that he seeks" 3) Surrounding himself with like-minded individuals “I believe that in order to feel successful you have to be true and honest to yourself. growing. evolving).

Stay On Your Course .

9) Stop trading status for approval. 4) Become a fascinating person. not women. More . 8) Stop giving approval to get it. 2) Go to work on yourself." 7) Stop seeking approval. 5) Make your territory yours. 11) Keep doing what works and stop doing what doesn’t work.The Laws Of Success With Women 1) Accept everything the way it is. 6) See yourself as "high status. 3) Move your frame of reference inside. 10) Learn how to read situations before acting or communicating.

The Laws Of Success With Women 12) Put yourself in the path of attractive women. and physically. 15) Become selfish so you can become generous. 18) Learn the entire mating process of humans in detail.“ and that it and other things like it only make you stronger. emotionally. 13) Stop trying to impress women. 20) Prove to yourself over and over that you can deal with "rejection. 16) Keep your composure always. [Continued] More . 19) Lead. 17) Learn how to turn a woman on mentally. 14) Stop apologizing.

24) Learn how to dress and groom yourself well. no matter what's happening. or complain. and eliminate failure models.The Laws Of Success With Women 21) Surround yourself with success models. 28) Learn how to always enjoy yourself. 22) Learn how to tell an interesting story about anything. 26) Learn to sacrifice short-term gratification for long-term success. [Continued] More . bitch. 23) Learn how to use Cocky Comedy. 25) Make friends with attractive women by becoming a guy women like being around. 27) Don’t whine. 29) Value yourself and your time more than any woman.

37) Stop idealizing women. 31) Learn to control your emotions. 33) Don't try to control her by supporting her or giving her money. 32) Let her problems be her problems. 36) Become an expert on your own self deception habits. [Continued] More .The Laws Of Success With Women 30) Develop your awareness. 34) Behave as if you have 100 women calling you every day to see you. 35) Learn to identify status by communication and body language instantly. 38) Stop idealizing relationships.

and stay on it always. 40) Focus more of your time and effort on learning. 43) Set up your life so you're constantly meeting interesting.The Laws Of Success With Women 39) Know your purpose or path in life. [Continued] More . 46) Create useful habits and eliminate destructive or negative habits. 41) Constantly improve yourself. 45) Get in touch with your personal path or purpose. 44) Evict your inner Wussy. attractive. and less on doing. 42) Stop projecting your strengths and weaknesses onto others. and stay on it. available women.

and do more. not her mind. feel more. 49) Recognize when you're losing control of yourself 50) Engage her emotions and body. 52) Make yourself into the most interesting person a woman has ever met. 51) Don't behave in a boring or predictable way.The Laws Of Success With Women 47) Be honest. 53) Turn everything into an adventure. [Continued] More . 55) Always act and communicate in a way that leaves her wanting to know more. then convince her of it. 48) Look past the content to see the true meaning of what's going on. and authentic always. 54) Convince yourself that what's about to happen is going to be unbelievably fun. ethical.

in books. or on video. find your center.pull the needle out of your arm immediately. 59) When you find yourself losing power with a woman. become centered. go back to the basics. on audio. step back. 57) When you hit a challenge. and the techniques will take care of themselves. 61) Every day. [Continued] More . 58) Focus on the core skills and your deep inner game. stop. 60) Always have three female friends around you that are very similar to the type of woman you want to meet. whether they be in person. and wait until she calls you . then make yourself the center.The Laws Of Success With Women 56) Surround yourself with success models.

and make her really want it before you tease her with a little more. posture. [Continued] More .. 65) Objectify your demons so you control them instead of them controlling you. voice tone. 64) Eliminate every nervous tick. 66) Become unbelievably honest. gesture. pull back. and unconscious response to challenges from women.. facial expression. 63) Become fanatical about every detail of your health. dress. stop. 67) Accept and embrace transition anxiety as an opportunity to see things from a beginner's perspective automatically.The Laws Of Success With Women 62) When you find something she really likes. and blunt when it's time to be direct. direct. style. hygiene. authentic.

.The Laws Of Success With Women 68) Untangle past. and future. 69) Learn to enjoy the process of learning more than the actual result of the learning.. 71) Eliminate failure by learning from it.. Short. Physical. and emotional. Fear of something and the actual event. 73) Evolve constantly and consciously – always seek the next level and paradigm. And other non-useful combinations.. [Continued] . logical. present. not others. 72) Compare your progress and success only to yourself.... 70) Teach others every great thing you learn immediately. medium.. and long-term gratification.

Sign up to vote on this title
UsefulNot useful