The Boy Must Die
• Our most important theme • The boy must die in order for the man to live • This program is about you, and your inner boy, not about women • If you can get and internalize what you’re about to learn, and integrate it into your life, your success with women will take care of itself
Make A Clear Picture In Your Mind Of What You Want
• • • Make a clear picture in your mind of what you want to get out of this program Even though you don’t know exactly what you’re going to learn, you have an idea of what you came here to get Take a minute right now, and think about why you’re listening to me right now… what led you to this point… and make a picture of exactly what you want to get out of this program Focus on getting your outcome as we work together, learning how to become men who are naturally attractive to women Don’t skip this, if you need to, make a note and come back to this point… it’s important
I'm going to paint a lot of broad strokes to begin with.This Is Going To Be Heavy
• • • • • The first part of this program is going to be heavy material I'm going to be talking about a lot of things that you might want to avoid hearing about You might be thinking to yourself "How the hell is this going to help me meet more women". then wrap up at the end with some hard-hitting. ultrauseful things for you to take and use And you're going to be introduced to a couple of guest speakers who will take you to the next level and really tie all of this material together Will you make the commitment to stay with me?
. That's good That's exactly where you're supposed to be In my typical style.
so you HEAR it all • Work with the materials and exercises at least one hour per day for 90 days in a row to build a solid HABIT • Make a personal commitment to get the most from your investment… you spent the money and the time.Review This Program At Least Three Times Over The Next 90 Days
• Review the program a minimum of once per month for three months. and you deserve to get back as much as you can for it
that program is all about going to deeper levels in order to really become a master in the area of women and dating You’ve probably seen Rick on some of my programs… he’s someone that a lot of men look up to when it comes to understanding women Rick said something very profound to me… He said that as he talked to the guys in the program.The Origin Of This Program
• I was talking with my good friend Rick the last night of filming my Mastery Program… keep in mind. and that he had a great point This program is the result of the thinking I did after that conversation…
• • • • • • •
. it was obvious to him that these guys had never learned what it meant to be a MAN They had no concept of what it even meant They didn’t understand what differentiated a man from a boy. and I realized that there was something deeper going on here. what qualities women are attracted to in men. or how to develop into a man So I started to think about this point.
How Do You Define “Being A Man”?
• What does “being a man” mean to you? • How does one BECOME a man? • What are the qualities that a MAN has? • What are the qualities that a MAN lacks? • What happens if you grow up without gaining the qualities of a man?
A Burning Desire For Manhood
• Many men feel an invisible barrier to becoming a man… and that barrier is magnified by the inability to attract women by just BEING • In other words. then he not only can’t see the path to fix the problem. powerful longing to have women want to be with them just because they do… and men have a dark grief that follows them everywhere when they don’t have that special something that makes women want to be with them “for no reason at all. just because they enjoy being around you” • If a man is actually a grown-up boy. a man wants women to want to be around them without having to DO anything to “fake” who he is • Men have a deep. he doesn’t even know the path EXISTS
what if some vital part of the maturation process that’s usually present in the external world isn’t there at a critical point in a man’s development… so that he winds up stuck at a certain point either psychologically. what if a man gets older and bigger.” in this context. emotionally. what if one of them happens. but not more mature at the same time? Or worse.Men Aren’t Men Anymore
• • • • • • • • I believe that most of the people we refer to as “men” today are only called that because of their age and their size I don’t think that the word we’re using (“man” or “men”) has anything to do with the deeper meaning of the word “man” The word “man. but not the other? In other words.” more specifically But what exactly is an “adult man”? Is it a man that’s over a certain size or age? Or is it a man that has matured past a certain point in life? Or both? More importantly. developmentally or all?
. is used to refer to an “adult male” or “adult male human being.
in modern cultures. the challenges. and the EARNING of our manhood We grew. most of us men were basically not offered the process of “becoming a man” the way it evolved over literally millions of years We missed the initiations. but we didn’t get the chance. MEN
• • • •
. fundamentally. and we don’t know how to “go back” and make it happen Even worse. but we didn’t grow up We want to be men. has obscured the reality that we are. we’ve recently been going through a cultural phenomenon called “the men’s movement” that.We Were Never Shown The Way To Manhood
• By virtue of being born relatively recently. while doing a lot of good.
and wanting to fill that void is bad enough What makes it unbearable is that the one thing that we want at every level more than anything. is tied directly to this particular issue Without this issue handled. attention and adoration from women.We Were Never Shown The Way To Manhood
• • • • And yes. the only way to get attention from women is becoming a master of PRETENDING to be someone… and using techniques to cover up your inability to be who you are
. healthy way But that’s not what makes a woman feel ATTRACTION for a man… No way Feeling that there’s something missing. we should learn how to deal with them in an authentic.
gangs and fraternities • We made it to adulthood. boot-camp.The Critical Missing Elements
• Didn’t have a father around. so we had to be the man and raise ourselves • Were emasculated by our overbearing fathers • Were spoiled by good-intentioned mothers • Had no process of initiation at that critical time • We went through “pseudo-initiations” like sports. missing a critical set of elements… with no map or hints to find them
and desperate… and nothing you try will fix it
• • •
. many of us have a feeling of missing something inside… and that something can’t be described very well with words We know that we SHOULD feel a certain way. out of control. then the possibility for attraction or a relationship is instantly not an option in her mind… and she can’t control it An inner switch flips inside of her. or being a protector. and very obvious The Mysterious Missing Manhood is as painful to women as it is to men… and unless you learn how to develop your Missing Manhood. it’s like that nagging feeling that never quite makes it into normal consciousness… it’s like the “splinter in your mind” that Morpheus talks about in the movie The Matrix A woman can sense instantly if a man is “missing” his manhood And if he is. or having earned the right to be a leader of others… whatever it is. and we want to feel that way… maybe it’s strength. you will go on feeling lonely. it’s still very real. and it creates an invisible barrier… and even though that process and the barrier is invisible.The Mysterious Missing Manhood
• As a result of not being shown the way to manhood at a critical point in our lives.
the term “neoteny” kept coming up • Neoteny is a term that means “retaining juvenile features into adulthood” • Humans are born more “premature” and helpless than most mammals • Many mammals can literally get up and run for their lives within minutes of being born • Human babies are literally helpless for YEARS after being born • We are born premature because our huge heads that hold our huge brains can’t fit through the birth canal if they’re any bigger
.Neoteny And Maturity
• As I was studying human development over the last few years.
Neoteny And Maturity
• We retain our physical juvenile features for many years as we develop into adulthood… • Is it possible that we could be prone to retain our juvenile INTERNAL psychological and emotional features as well? • Is it possible that this process of being born immature and staying immature longer can lead to a PATTERN and HABIT of staying immature? • Is it possible that we become psychologically HABITUALIZED in the patterns of dependence on our mothers for everything from attention to love to affirmation and everything in between?
etc.The Boy Must Die
• The boy must die for the man to live • The caterpillar must die for the butterfly to live… a total transformation… not partial • "Grown Up Boy" syndromes. vicky. more shrewd.. bully. only older.. whiner. more “rationalizing to self” and more sophisticated versions • The first step is seeing and admitting where you’re still acting like a boy
. • Think of the ways that YOU manipulated when you were a boy • Now think of the ways that you still do these things. tyrant.
responsible… structure. has fun with society • Man.Man Psychology And Boy Psychology
• The “Inner Boy-Inner Man” continuum • We all have a part of us that’s a boy. carry the load of the family and society
. freedom from responsibility… enjoys. You can be anywhere on the continuum • Boy. It’s a continuum.
Some Questions To Start Opening The Door To Maturity
• What are you not admitting? • What are you running away from? • What ideals are you clinging too tightly to about yourself. or relationships? • What do you need to realize and accept? • Where are you accepting second rate thinking and behavior from yourself? • Where are you not being authentic in life? • Where are you not demonstrating integrity to yourself? • What are you hiding? • WHY are you hiding?
but perverted when no ritual is present • The boy that grows up but isn’t initiated into manhood often winds up living a life fighting demons of childhood rather than developing into a fulfilled man
.The Initiation Process
• Primitive cultures universally practice initiation processes that boys must successfully pass through on their way to manhood • It seems that this need for a formal transition that is assisted by older men is hard-wired into us.
It’s OK To Be A Man
• • In my original book “Double Your Dating. it won’t be a simple drive to screw a woman’s brains out… it will be a complex of neurotic thought/feeling/behavior patterns that are very difficult to unwire You must accept yourself.” I wrote a section called “It’s OK To Be A Man” The idea here is that many men have learned to be unconsciously ashamed of their desires and natural drives… and to repress or even hate them When you try to fight or even deny your own nature and drives. it will come back to bite you in the ass later… in a million ways And when it comes back later. embrace the fact that you’re a man and you have a nature. and then learn to observe all that happens… from sexual impulses to killer instincts… and harness the power that they imply
The Men’s Movement And The Women’s Movement
• The women’s movement seems to me to be the process of naturally masculine women getting together and saying “you should act more masculine” to other women The men’s movement seems to me like a bunch of naturally feminine men getting together and saying “you should act more feminine” to other men It appears to me that the “typical” woman that’s a strong feminist/advocate of the women’s movement and the “typical” man who’s a strong supporter of the men’s movement are not TYPICAL at all I think that each of these “typical” members of these groups represents maybe 10% or 20% of the ACTUAL population I believe that this is why both of the movements ring true for all people at some level. and cynicism than anything else… probably in the ratio of 80%/20% or so •
. sarcastic remarks. but generate more digs.
Your Animus is there… if you repress it. we’re taught to repress the Anima inside of us Common themes among men: Discomfort in the presence of men who act weak and looking down upon homosexual men because they are seen as somehow “less than a man”… gay jokes. etc. it will come back to haunt you Repressing vs.The Anima And The Animus
• • • • • All humans have at least some structures of the opposite sex present inside of them The Anima: The female archetypal structures in the man The Animus: The male archetypal structures in the woman As men. Integrating Accept – Integrate – Transcend
• • •
and power to arrogantly display their superiority? Shirts "Bitch" or "I'm not in the mood to be stared at" Doesn't that just piss you off? This isn’t a result of women being women. looks. sexuality.Women That Piss You Off
• Have you noticed how many women these days are using their youth. it’s the result of women not growing up… being stuck in the “girl-woman” phase… then having other girl-women write books for them
• • •
mentor to other men. leader. Men.Boys. depression. arrogant. has a deep grief that he usually won’t address that can be characterized by the phrase “I am a failure at one of my basic intrinsic purposes”
Strength. low self-esteem. on his purpose
. source of grounding energy. image of “loser”
Can Attract Women
Spoiled behavior. doesn’t confront because it’s too scary. protector. Attracting Women
Can’t Attract Women
Avoids and represses the fact. cheater manipulator. tyrant
Feels less than other men.
• Child • Adolescent • Adult • Mature Adult • Talk about the idea of these being the four stages you go through on your way to maturity… and on your way to focusing on what you want in your life. it can be very negative to your life results and personality. Moving Away From.
. Moving Against. not what you don’t want… and pro-actively getting what you want rather than being activated and moving against others.Moving With. or moving away from what you don’t want… or moving with others blindly • If you get "stuck" in any of these modes.
Trying To Get The Love Or Approval Of:
• • • • • • Father Mother Men Women List the places where you’ve been unconsciously trying to get attention and approval from each… make note if this has been for a long time List the ways which you subtly give others power over you by putting them above yourself. and the traits that trigger this unconscious process List what you do to subtly try to get attention and approval Now admit to yourself how and why these things are unhealthy Now mentally and emotionally let go of them Allow yourself to mature and become a healthy adult man who can respond consciously instead of reacting unconsciously
• • • •
become comfortable with other men around you… it will free up mental energy for other things
.Interacting With Other Men
• • • • It’s important to become a man who can comfortably interact with other men Most men don’t have healthy relationships with their fathers. so they don’t get a good start on this road at the beginning My own situation with my father Exercise from Mastery. and how men reported feeling uncomfortable being close to masculine energy… had a gut level response Consciously address this in your own life.
but they TRY to follow. moods. she isn't even leading. and seeking approval of the woman. so are your chances of passing 10 test by a woman in an evening or even over weeks or months Stay on your course. They try to make her lead. following. change.. communication to yours Don’t back pedal.Stay On Your Own Course
• Men often try to follow a woman who doesn’t want to lead. explain. they follow. but just like your chances of flipping a coin and having it come up heads 10 times in a row are pretty close to 0%. the man tries to convince her to lead with questions and body language that seeks approval Most men orient themselves by. Diagram Of The Arrows This is a very simple testing system that guarantees a woman almost perfectly accurate results – any guy can luck through or fake his way past one test. in fact. and when she doesn’t lead. She leads. behavior.. responses. This is a horrible mistake. or try to get her to lead •
• • •
. even though she is all over the map Let her reorient her body.
. and that hers isn’t either. and you naturally assume that a WOMAN'S conscious mind is in control as well (this just makes sense) So. and that hers are controlling her A woman is using the clues she gets from you to make an assessment of what’s REALLY going on inside of you. living in this double illusion. not realizing that it's your “older” brain and systems that are actually controlling you. you can begin seeing things for what they really are.The Illusion Of Control
• Your conscious mind has the illusion that it’s in control. you naturally and intuitively go to work using your conscious mind to convince her conscious mind to like you.. and making dramatic progress rapidly You stop blaming and acting victimized. and you can begin handling the situation like a mature adult •
. and who you REALLY are When you realize that you’re not in conscious control of what you’re doing most of the time.
behavior. etc. communication sequences. Gambling more when you have something definite to lose over having something definite to win is an example.The “Critical Counterintuitive” Concept
• Humans tend to follow certain “pre-programmed” or “hardwired” thought.
. investing long-term vs. short term. challenging attractive women. These “built-in mistakes” keep us from achieving greatness… and with a little work. Think the stock market. and a few know how to do the counterintuitive to their own advantage. we can take off this “success governor” and learn to improve these issues on an ongoing basis… which will ultimately accrue and become massive success. Many of them seem “intuitive” or “obvious” to the person who’s doing them… even though they are NOT the best thing to do in the situation. there is often a huge profit or gain to be made. When the herd is doing the intuitive to their own disadvantage.
Taking Conscious Control Of The Self Improvement Process
• • • Make the unconscious process conscious by learning how it works Recall times when you’ve personally made a mistake or had a success as a result of this process See the connection between doing the “Critical Counterintuitive” thing and either avoiding un-useful outcomes or achieving a useful outcome Imagine future situations. or unnaturally allow you to practice (contrived if you have to) so you’re programmed to do the right thing in the future
. and mentally rehearse doing the counter-intuitive so it triggers automatically in your mind Purposely put yourself into situations that either naturally allow you to practice.
or you say yes to all requests from women… or you don’t do the thing in a situation to trigger attraction. if you unconsciously hurt others to make yourself feel better temporarily. self-improvement.Taking Conscious Control Of The Self Improvement Process
• For instance. our bigger-picture systems. use this model. • This is a concept that I need to apply to business. • The KEY here is learning the “Critical Counterintuitive” thing to do.
. psychology. etc.
Exercise: • • • Remember how to enjoy your life. and stay in touch with it
.It’s Easy To Forget What You’re Doing
• • • It's easy to lose sight of what you wanted when you started on the road to success It's easy to forget WHY you're doing what you're doing It's easy to forget what you enjoy when you reprogram yourself to be addicted to the outcome you’re seeking (whether it’s work. list those things you enjoy most Remember how to enjoy the things you enjoy doing Remember WHY you’ve chosen the path you’re on. success.
spending more time with your best friend or friends.EXERCISE: Seeing The Difference Between What You Want And What Makes You Happy
• List 10 things you want. quickly… these can be material things. goals. experiences. act. whatever… anything you want for yourself • Examples might be a new car. or traveling more • Now write down a number from 1-10 that represents the improvement in your life quality that the thing will bring • Notice how the things that will bring you the highest returns aren’t the things that cost money… they’re the things that you just have to DO • Think about how different you will feel. and be if your life were more full of those things that bring you the best returns • Write down three things that you’re going to do within the next seven days to include more of the things that you can do right now to make your life great
your situation • Learn to see how the choices you’ve made have led you to where you are • Refuse to be a victim • Value the lesson more than the experience of learning it • Refuse to give anyone the power to take your joy from you
.Take Personal Responsibility
• Take personal responsibility for yourself. your thoughts.
The Importance Of Dad... demon's can't be killed. All you can do is educate him…”
. you want to shoot them down.. but DEMONS it fills with demons.. demons of older men... And you don't trust the older men. Not with nice things and teddy bears. and hole begins to fill automatically. You can't kill the demon.. a hole forms.. From Robert Bly
• “When a boy's psyche is not in the presence of his father...
such as winning the lottery or inheriting money. therefore we expect them to be happy
. and success with women should give a guy enough that he should be happy and never complain about anything • The “how would you know” response • We think that the solution WE want (getting lots of money or lots of women) would make us happy.Sudden Success Syndrome And Resulting Resentment
• When someone has a success in life. power. most people around them think that all their problems should be solved • We guys tend to think that things like money.
angry when a successful person expresses problems. power. or living in a fantasy world thinking that if he had success in a particular area of his life that all of his other problems would be “solved”
. and success with women NEVER solves inner problems. and NEVER creates happiness by itself • A mature man understands that he is responsible for his own results… he is neither envious of the success of others.Sudden Success Syndrome And Resulting Resentment
• This is unrealistic and immature • Money.
remember what you didn’t like • Think about what you admire in men right now. think about what you hate • Now think about what you love about women. then one you didn’t like • Remember what you liked about your dad when you were little.Your Inner World Exercise
• Remember a kid from childhood that you really liked. and what you hate
he doesn't want the women he wanted before
.The Circle Of Male Development
• Men give away their power to women to get approval • Women don't want men who give away their power • Men keep their power. and attract women • Once a man learns how to keep his power.
a car If the KEY is broken. a motor. All of that power becomes inaccessible over something as small as a key. Leverage points like this exist in humans as well Most people try to work on the car when there’s a problem. the power of the car. then you cannot take advantage of the power of the starter… and thus you can’t take advantage of the power of the motor. The four thousand pound piece of metal is unusable because you don’t have the four ounce piece of metal. but think of the leverage difference
• • •
. a starter. they don’t look to see if the problem is at a different level The “energy” that powers the archetypal structures may be far lower than the energy that powers a muscle.Different Levels Of Energy
• • Think of these different levels: An ignition switch.
A Look At Power
• Where is your own personal power based? • Is your competition with other men based in a powerful. tyranny. over-compensating immaturity? • Do you respect mature. and wisdom? • Is your personal power rooted in scarcity or abundance?
. or tantrums… or is it based on credibility. authenticity. adult men and treat them as worthy allies or adversaries. masculine. or do you secretly harbor thoughts of superiority? • Is your ability to persuade based on whining. insecure. secure maturity… or is it based in a weak.
Questions About Your Father
• What have you not communicated to your father that you've needed to let him know? • What have you not admitted? • What have you not said? • What has he not said to you that you've needed to hear? • What have you always wanted to hear from him? • What have you hated hearing from him
and become authentic and transparent. you’re very likely to feel a connection to a sense of grief inside of you • “Following the grief down” can become a source of fantastic enthusiasm for life… and it can lead to a feeling of connection. develop yourself to a certain level. wherever they may lead you
. groundedness.A Thought From Robert Bly
• Once you connect all of the parts of your conscious and unconscious mind. and purpose that most men are not in touch with • It’s mature to allow all of these parts of you to connect together.
have I been able to experience other. to connect to your true feelings.Grief Is The Doorway To Feeling
• • • • Robert Bly has taught me that “grief is the doorway to feeling” In other words. you’ll probably need to allow yourself to feel grief FIRST Men are taught to act tough. and allow themselves to experience it. and continue “downward” (as Robert Bly says). feel through it. because he won’t even allow the “doorway” to stay open I’ve had several experiences over the last few years that have led to me feeling the unmistakable feeling of grief Only after allowing myself to experience the grief. they slam the door right there… as soon as the grief starts This effectively protects a man from his deeper feelings. identify. and not show their feelings The first feeling that comes up for many men in emotional situations is grief… but since they’ve never been taught to recognize. more subtle emotions
• • •
and find out what’s after? • What can you do so you remember to allow yourself to feel the emotion of grief when it comes up for you?
. and know it’s a healthy process • It’s important to allow yourself to feel the emotion of grief when it presents itself… it’s a doorway to a much richer emotional life • Where have you stopped yourself from feeling grief? • Where should you allow yourself to grieve.Allow Yourself To Grieve
• A mature man can grieve consciously.
living in the present. and treating each situation as a new one… a new opportunity
.Responding To Emotional Imprints
• We remember things that happened in the presence of emotion • We often respond to our emotional imprints of situations from the past than to the actual event taking place in front of us • Becoming a man is about breaking those connections.
The Biggest Challenges In Life
• To Observe Yourself • To Know Yourself • To Change Yourself • To let the boy die. and the conscious man grow in depth
the more individuated… and the more you can both see your infinite connection with others at the same time as your individual differences and unique combination of gifts The power comes from being able to see both and hold both in your mind… to embrace the paradox and allow it to give you energy
. you literally evolve The more evolved and integrated you become. then you make it a priority to stay on your path and work as much as possible developing and focusing your Unique Ability. and you begin the process of learning similar things over and over again.Individuation
• • Carl Jung used the term “Individuation” to describe the process of reaching your potential and becoming an integrated. develop. an interesting cycle starts You become more mature on a continual basis. but getting different lessons from them As you progress. mature person When you get in touch with your Unique Ability and Personal Path in life. and integrate different aspects of your personality.
The More Personal. The More Universal
. the more universal it probably is • Realize that each of your insecurities is common. then be transparent… it’s liberating • Realize that your own individuality is a gift that you can appreciate more than anyone… so appreciate it and use it • Remember. The More Personal. The More Universal
• My mentor Gerry Ballinger taught me something that he learned from his mentor… that the more personal something is to you.
Deserving. Permission To Be A Man
they get an instant sense that we are connected… and they tend to become riveted to me • It’s obvious that you get something that other men don’t get • I have a connection with women that could stand any length of time between conversations and pick back up at any point in the future
.Understand Men. and can communicate this way to women that I’ve just met. Then Women. you communicate in a different way • Now that I have some understanding of all levels. Then Individual Women
• Understand men first • Understand yourself second • Understand women third • Understand the individual woman you’re dealing with last • When you understand all four levels. Then Yourself.
It’s easy to spot people who are trying to fake it. you begin to communicate differently.The Secret Language Of Manhood
• When you become a man. and is the first mover in a huge new category. It would get their attention. I’d send a simple letter to a VC: I have a business that I’ve built from scratch that’s been profitable from the beginning. an independent. They also know an amateur in just a few notes A woman knows a real man… I got this idea reading about venture capitalists (VCs) and selection on Seth Godin’s website. has no debt. you hold yourself differently. You move differently. an adult. I know how to communicate with players… but how?
• • • •
. you respond to situations differently and you use different words It’s easy to spot people who don’t get it. It’s also easy to spot people who do get it Great guitar players know another great guitar player by listening to just a few notes. strong man who is on his own path.
communicate it. insecure guy just waiting to smother her. she’s going to bail… If you can communicate a strong. play a little bit when they ask questions. masculine maturity. secure. a woman will be less likely to flake out on you because she has more certainty about you The paradox here is that it’s often good to tease women. and they’ll blame it on you if they feel uncertain about you If a woman thinks you’re secretly a Wussbag… that you might only be ACTING cool… but underneath you’re a clingy. You might ask “How can you resolve the ideas that you want to create certainty about who you are while at the same time you’re saying to keep her uncertain about things like what you do for a living or where you live?” My answer is simple… she wants certainty about her experience with you… that it’s going to be enjoyable to her… not about the details of your life
. stable. they’ll doubt you People will flake. others won’t feel compelled to follow you. you’ll be more attractive If you’re uncertain about what you’re doing. etc.Certainty
• • • • • • People like certainty There is none in reality If you can provide it. represent it.
Feature Your Insecurities Until You’re Over Them
• Practice making cocky jokes about them when you first meet a woman and are flirting • “This is never going to work out. you’re not good at arguing. and I overcompensate for being short by acting arrogant… so we’d always argue. and I’d always win”
The Feeling Of Loss If You’re Not Necessary
• • Many men feel “left out” if a woman wants to do something alone or with friends other than him Get over the automatic response feeling of jealousy or loss or sadness if she’s enjoying or looking forward to enjoying doing something without you Cultivate ability to want to do things without HER… and enjoy them These are especially important when it comes to women you aren’t already with. or women that are new in your life This concept actually applies to all relationships in life It’s mature to allow others to live their lives and enjoy experiences without you… without you feeling that you’re losing something The other side of this coin is to allow YOURSELF to live your life and enjoy your own experiences without the feeling that you need others to validate your enjoyment
• • • • •
Mistake: Acting based on what you think she’d think if she knew what you were thinking
Jung’s Hero’s Journey
• The real magic of becoming a man is about becoming a man who helps other men develop and evolve… to help them individuate
• Clarity of personal path or mission. vision. values is attractive
knowing that you’ve planned for most of what could happen. Pretending. a mature man has thought through all the possible situations and scenarios. Boy-Man thinks that he’s done the same. only it’s not the same at all
• • •
. and the odds are on your side By doing this. and leaving things to luck When you’ve thought scenarios through.Maturity Vs. Manipulation
• • A sign of a mature man is forethought (Aristotle) Part of maturity is thinking future events all the way through with discipline… instead of guessing. and has planned accordingly The immature. wishing. it frees up your mind to deal with the exceptions as they arise With women. you can move forward with strength and confidence. Forethought Vs.
and only lives for the moment and instant gratification The test you can apply anytime is simple: Ask yourself if what you’re doing feels manipulative. If it does. Pretending. they you’re allowing the Boy-Man inside of you to run things… which will ultimately lead you to a feeling of less fulfillment. then you’re on the right track
. and wanting to add to your woman’s life experience and joy. not more… If the feeling inside of you is one of strength. authenticity. Manipulation
• • The Boy-Man uses tricks and techniques to manipulate.Maturity Vs. or dishonest in any way. sneaky. Forethought Vs.
Becoming A Man Meas Giving Up:
• Throwing emotional tantrums to get attention • Correcting people because you need to feel important • Disagreeing with people to show your superiority • Being a "know it all" so people will give you approval • Saying and doing things to win attention and approval. not add value and genuinely help a situation
you’ll need to overcome fear of death. so we can USE the thought of death as a tool to enjoy LIFE more
.Keeping Death In Mind
• Keep death in mind daily • In order to do this in a way that will be helpful. almost all of those things are gone. and fear of pain leading to death • These fears are so strong because thousands of years ago they helped us avoid things and situations that might actually cause death • Today.
. joy. you have now proven to yourself that you can overcome the biggest fear in life • There’s a level PAST overcoming your fear of death… that level is actually embracing the reality of death. and you’ve addressed your issues around it. you can literally begin to use it as a source of strength. and the fear of physical pain leading to death.Death Does Not Have To Be Scary
• When you overcome the fear of death. and becoming familiar with the thought • Once you do become familiar with it.
it gives you the ultimate context for considering everything When compared against death.Why Death?
• Because humans primarily do two things with their minds: make meaning and ascribe value… these are fundamental activities In order to make meaning and ascribe value. and every aspect of life leads to gratitude • • •
. Einstein) When you conquer your fear of death. and keep it in the forefront of your mind. the most painful and uncomfortable situation becomes a gift… the meaning of anything becomes positive. we need a reference point to start with Every meaning and value is relative to something (thanks.
life becomes joy Read from Dying Well. ultimately haunting fear With death in mind and carefully considered as the context. notice how things feel after
• • •
• When considered in the context of death. death becomes a repressed. lessons become clear in all situations… and you become thankful for the lessons immediately (or even in the midst of the previously painful process of learning by trials and tribulations) With life as the context.
and another is to ravish her What are some others? • • •
• • •
.The Heart-Connected Killer
• My friend Amber Lupton spoke at my Mastery Program (which I highly recommend). this doesn’t make sense… how can a man be connected to his heart. and a killer at the same time? The answer is that BOTH are inside every man… the killer is in there… and the compassionate. protecting. and introduced me to a concept called “The Heart-Connected Killer” At first. you would kill to protect her without hesitation How can a woman tell if you’re a Heart-Connected killer? One way is to let her know that she’s safe. loving man is in there too A woman needs to feel your strength and power while she’s feeling that you are connected to your heart and emotions… but she also needs to trust that if something were to happen.
choose what you want to do that day. your results. embrace it and consider it often. and into the moment
• Remember. and do it • Do things that get you into your body. and your happiness • Every day. Then live the life YOU want to live • Take personal responsibility for your life. wake up. your body will die.
and PREFERING not to be with a woman… then Choosing to enter into the relationship
.Most Men Weren’t Happy Single First
• Most men in relationships or marriage. did not enter them from a place of previously being content alone.
so you can be your best when you’re with your mate
• • • • • •
. build a personal life to enjoy on your own. destroy attraction in relationship Switch to: Build a happy single life Prefer and choose to be single Choose a relationship Choose a marriage or long-term relationship This is all about becoming a man who has such a great life in and out that he WANTS to be single first Make your single life so fantastic that you almost don't have time for a relationship Build a life that you love Fill your life with so many things you enjoy that make your life better that you literally have to think about how to fit a woman in Enter a relationship to improve your already great life.Build A Happy Single Life
• • Most men: Unhappy alone Find a woman to cling to Hold on too tightly. not to be your life If you're in a relationship. give away power.
• Self Concept • Self Assurance • Self Interest • Self Comfort
.Elements Of A Healthy.
• Class.Outward Signs Of A Real Man
Comfort in the presence of.. values..... • Competition form other men • Loss or setback • Conflict or drama • Tests from women Clear path.. uncertainty Composure in the face of. • Other in influential positions • Women they’re dating • Other men • Their own life
. boundaries when dealing with. refinement • Beautiful women • Power and high-status people • Paradox. style.
and what’s the underlying reason for it? • Where do I lose composure in life? • Where do I reveal a lack of clarity in my path.EXERCISE: Ask Yourself
• What makes me uncomfortable. values. boundaries?
.Seven Virtues And Seven Vices
• Love/Envy • Temperance/Gluttony • Humility/Pride • Patience/Anger • Justice/Greed • Faith/Lust • Fortitude/Sloth • Your unique combination of these virtues and vices makes up your CHARACTER.
Qualities Of Male Maturity
• A balanced perspective • An attitude of non-judgment • An understanding that everyone has a positive intention • A powerful sense of self • An air of stability… the deep root. the strong foundation • TRUSTWORTHINESS
they’re a promiscuous. proper. herd-following. twofaced. manipulative. distrusting girl-woman Is it something natural that happens to all women at some point in their lives? Why is it that some women don’t go through this phase.Breeding Distrust
• • • • • I’ve often wondered to myself why so many young women lead two lives In one life. and instead stay close and honest with their parents and themselves?
. they’re a perfect. innocent daughter In the other life.
and defiant fun things? Of course. but also that they couldn’t possibly understand her… Which leads to a “double life”
. sex isn’t enjoyable and if you have it you’ll be a slut. sex. she finds out that they feel GREAT… which leads to her not only thinking that her parents were lying to her and must not love her (otherwise they’d have been honest with her). tries drugs. and being interested in “generation gap” things isn’t a good idea What happens when that girl. feeling alienated from her nonunderstanding parents.Breeding Distrust
• I think part of the answer might lie in the common practice of telling daughters that doing drugs makes you go crazy.
low morals. you will encounter many attractive young women who have these “double identities” Unfortunately. as well as the ability to make a woman feel accepted for who she is Incidentally.Dealing With A Women Who Has A Double Identity
• • As a mature man. or poor ethics from a woman
. most men fall into the trap of seeing only the “angel” in a woman. not suspecting that it’s even possible that it could be there One mark of a mature man is the combination of his ability to see and accept the reality of any and all “sides” of a woman. this does not imply that a man must “tolerate” or “accept” second-class behavior. and not seeing the “other” side of her personality… and even worse.
science. music. improvement. physical. philosophy.The Concept Of The Renaissance Man
• Leonardo Da Vinci was the “original” Renaissance Man • Women complain that there are none left • The Renaissance Man embodies the concept of actualizing all of the different potentials that lie dormant in every man • It implies becoming a master of many different areas of life. psychology. and enjoyment • Areas to develop include art. logical. and emotional… as well as a habit of learning one after the other.
. on a lifelong quest of self-actualization. performance. etc.
Clues You’re Dealing With A Real Man
• An air of approachableness • A “never let them see you sweat” attitude • An unwillingness to accept second class thinking and behavior • Mentor to younger men • Pillar of strength and security in self and values • Defender and protector of those less able to defend and protect themselves • Encourager and challenger of those not living up to their potential
External Qualities To Consider
• Mysterious Confidence • Humor • Wit • Charm • Sophistication • Leadership • Class • Chivalry • Style • Smoothness/Grace • Comfort • Composure
when applied to personality or attitude. and has control of themselves
. nor being overly stand-offish • A “cool” person isn’t too excited about anything. isn’t too affected by anything.The Art Of Cool
• What exactly is “cool”? • Why is the word used so often? • It implies a temperature that is between warm and cold… which. isn’t emotionally reactive. implies neither coming on too strong.
Questions I Ask Myself A Lot
• What is cool? What is square? How can I get one to understand these and the concept of “cool”? • How can a "square" learn to act "cool"? • What is cool? How can I describe the transition? What is the way? • Remember: A cool guy can interact with squares and other cool people comfortably… whereas a square cannot do the same
not “a cone-head”. not “a square”. “what’s goin’ on?”. “what’s up?”. encourages independence in others Assumes a “cool” connection with others by leaning head back as a greeting. food.Elements Of Cool:
• • • • • • • • • • • Off-beat sense of humor Sense of style. music. culture Laid back and unaffected by the opinions of others Not “a suit”. the dirty but not too trendy thing Not obsessed with proper grammar… enjoys modern. has that composure… Can make fun of themselves Doesn’t act “above” others Independent. saying “hey”.
. not “a nerd” Causal dress. hip words and terms Calm confidence… can pose a little. etc.
hi there” • Cool guy “What’s up” head back • Sly smile lean head back slowly… no words
. how are you” smiling • Insecure “Oh.Feeling Different Ways Of Saying Hello
• Surface “Hello. um.
knowing how to touch.Sexual Confidence
• • • Sexual confidence is a key to being a "naturally attractive" man Sexual confidence means knowing that a woman will have an experience with you that she'll never forget Sexual confidence comes from understanding the psychology and physiology . women respond very differently to you. logical. and often become somewhat anxious and excited about you Make it a point to learn to be an incredible lover. and emotional aspects . how to kiss. how to pleasure. ravish The key is that an inner sexual confidence that comes from knowing you can blow a woman's mind in bed affects ALL of your communication It literally colors everything from the way you hold yourself to the way you look at a woman to the words you use when talking When you have it. and cultivate Sexual Confidence
. see you differently. fully get pleasure. how to create anticipation.the physical.
security. no judgment .then sets out to change them • Can show his sword without killing people / using it • Doesn't need or use threats • Is the pillar of strength. encourages. protection in every situation • Allows. enjoys when others shine. win and progress • Needs nothing external to be happy
• Accepts things as they are fully.
Giving All Of Yourself Indiscriminately Will Kill Attraction
• The message that a woman gets when you obviously offer “everything” to her is that you aren’t the most important person in your life… SHE is • Keep a part of yourself “off limits” and totally unavailable to women • If you want to maintain the attraction, don’t hand over the keys and the pink slip… just let her enjoy the feeling of being able to be near that deep masculinity
Set A Boundary With Her As Soon As Possible
• Setting boundaries with women (when it’s used correctly) establishes leadership, status, and masculinity • Set boundaries in a playful, fun way, but also set them when it comes to serious issues as well… don’t hesitate to set a boundary if a woman is playing games • Say "no" to something she wants • Push her away when she’s trying to hug you
Be The Star, Not The Planet
• Most men behave like planets looking for a star to orbit • Be the star - a centered man that women want to orbit • When you become so rock-solid internally and so mature that no random woman can affect you, then you begin to affect THEM. • You lose your concern with what she thinks of you, which frees up your mind, emotions, communication channels, and behavior to be yourself. • The positive aspect is that it makes you far more transparent and authentic… the negative is that if you don’t have your inner game together and your immature boy nature dealt with, THAT will shine through and reveal things that will hurt you
not a negative one
. you’re pretty confident in yourself” or make mention of some aspect of you that’s “too masculine” • A man who is on his path or purpose and being himself will see this as a positive sign.When Women Can Feel Your Masculinity
• Sometimes a woman will sense your powerful male energy and say “Wow.
and I want to share them with you…
. a sense of purpose. and a strong sense of his place in the world? 2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood? 3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a “real man”… a pillar and example for younger men… and how can he develop these qualities? I received five sets of answers.Feedback From Real Men On Being A Man
I asked some of my male friends who I respect tremendously to answer the following three questions: 1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to “grow up” and become a mature. self-directed. fulfilled “adult man”… a man who has integrity.
However. or relational (family. 3 Join a TEAM. Country. church. Family.). and find an unrelenting passion about ‘something. he should not let himself be ‘defined’ by this thing or relationship. or mastermind group. self-directed. etc. just his intrinsic passion. professional. best piece of he ever got
man was: "There are only two questions a man must ask himself: The first is "Where am I going?" and the second is "Who will go with me?" If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble. and a strong sense of his place in the world?
1 I feel that a man "grows up" when he accepts responsibility for his future and turns his attention to what is good for God.’ It doesn’t matter how insignificant it is and could be personal."
. value and worth in himself. and friends instead of himself. community. child. fulfilled “adult man”… a man who has integrity. I guess the "one most important thing" would be accepting responsibility. in which there are other MORE mature mentors. as in sports. job.
3) 4 One of my favorite snippets of wisdom about this subject is from (author of book Belly On Being 4) Sam KeenHe said the the bestsellingadvice "Fire In The about-being a A Man"). a sense of purpose. 2 Understand his intrinsic self worth.1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to “grow up” and become a mature.
I've completed tons of exercises like this (Tony Robbins.. You might get some interesting "Robert Bly-esque" insights from the CONFIDENTIAL attachment (Warriors 7 Stages Of Man) I've included from the "New Warrior Training Adventure“
. But if you focus on where you are going. timelines etc). you'll have people lined up to go with you. standards.) and have found them very helpful. SO the MOST IMPORTANT thing a man can do to "grow up" etc.. Doing some deep soul searching. he needs to TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS OWN DESTINY. self-directed. particularly the one's that force you to look at your SHADOWS.. Mankind Project etc. you're in big trouble.. and in order to do this. what their purpose is and what they want to achieve with their lives.1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to “grow up” and become a mature. fulfilled “adult man”… a man who has integrity. a sense of purpose. then putting down ON PAPER his goals.g.... dreams. And since most men have no idea where they're going.. and a strong sense of his place in the world?
What this means to me is if you focus on who will go with you first. that's the place to START if he's wants to improve his situation in life (e.. is to KNOW WHERE HE'S GOING...
Of course there are many positives and negatives about having children to begin with. here is where we get into the "purpose" of life.”
. a sense of purpose. and a strong sense of his place in the world?
“In my opinion the single most important thing a man can do to "grow up" and become mature is to have children. obnoxious.me. self-directed. The care of children and the fulfillment of their needs (which are continuous.me") makes one grow up in a hurry. I will try to answer some of it by answering the other two questions.1) What is the one most important thing a man can do to “grow up” and become a mature. With regards to the rest of the question. and many parents are not very good at "being a parent". and completely self centered on the child's "me. In addition. the absolute requirement to take care and support the children is so overwhelming that one has to change from youth to adult in a short period of time. fulfilled “adult man”… a man who has integrity.
however.needs to let go of trying to please MOMMY (and all female A man
figures) and take his balls back (and everything that entails) in order to truly become a MAN. (more about this at www.. Easier said than done..org) “I think that in order to be an adult you need to not only let go of things but reprogram yourself. Things you need to let go of are first and foremost .. parents etc.2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood?
I believe a man must let go of the baggage in his past to become an adult. which are all boy-like ways of thought 3) I was hoping I wouldn't have to go here. "victim" thinking. today is already here...mankindproject... there is only the future. A great crash course on this in my humble opinion is the "New Warrior Training Adventure" Weekend. A man looks to the future. since you 4) asked.. Yesterday is gone. let go the chains of his need for He has to let go of "scarcity" thinking.
Overcome Himself! He has to 2) approval/attention from others.THE NEED TO BE DEPENDENT.
. It may require total reprogramming depending on your upbringing.
The second stage of course.. but only women take credit for that. who by some bad luck we need too much). Federal Government..everything. most women NEVER lose their dependency on father. Don't forget: all people are SURVIVORS. husband.2) What does a man need to let go of in order to cross the bridge into true adulthood?
First you need to be able to feel inside (the Tao of Steve kind of feeling) that you are able to take care of yourself regardless of the circumstances. always blaming others for their problems. is to develop skills that allow you to be independent. business. By the way. This applies to money. women . (I used this rare opportunity to show some heart felt disgust for women...Those people who are not able to BELIEVE that they are independent become losers forever.”
Define his passion. personal utility and his unique personal competency. both positive and negative. He has to be himself and be comfortable with that. compassion. this is easy: . a sense of thankfulness and wonderment for all that is right and good with the world. . How do you develop this? Whew. and humility.
. he should not be ‘trying’ to be an example for others. fidelity.”). Avoid defining himself by actions and personality. . but most of all. even Plato hints it was Socrates’ ego/arrogance that got him executed. To push this a bit further. . Vince Lombardi has a nice quote about this: “Perfection in unattainable.“The unexamined life is not worth living” . He must simply become more self-aware and understand why he does the things he does. you can’t mange it. empathy. rather than exiled.however. oh yea. loyalty. I would also say. .3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a “real man”… a pillar and example for younger men… and how can he develop these qualities?
I believe the qualities a true man should develop include honesty. Similar to Plato.Plato If you can’t measure it. whatever ‘it’ is. his goal should be to live justly and prudently. as opposed to a quest for perfection. as this naturally perturbs his pure ethos of being. I do expect excellence. .An unrelenting drive for evolution. .
is with either psychoanalysis or organized religion backing their parenting. . He’d be the guy bringing Eeyore a pot of honey. which historically have only been available from two sources: in ancient times.all whilst Piglet is franticly racing around trying to figure out if he is ‘doing it right’ looking to Owl. . All that has been called "High Character". Not to be trite. the study of either philosophy or theology. these both have evolved into PSYCHOANALYSIS and ORGANIZED RELIGION instead. . yes that is true. he becomes a self-directed student of life again. . . and others for external approval. but the only way to have community CONSENSUS on the quality of "teaching" by parents.
. and knows himself for the first time. By forgiving himself for his past in. .action and poor execution. and in modern times.BE! . In short.3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a “real man”… a pillar and example for younger men… and how can he develop these qualities?
“Pooh just is” – Tao of Pooh You would never find Winnie in a transcendental gibbering mess. in an attempt to get the poor bastard to snap out of it. don’t do. Since one's parents would be the ideal source. He needs to understand this is a process and not a destination. however.Lastly I would say: Patience and balance. returning to his childhood curiosity in the body of a man.
evolving). although partially genetic. You also need to know that you are doing the best you know how that way whether you succeed or fail you can not blame it on your lack of effort . you can not succeed without exerting tremendous amount of energy and effort. be ethical and know that that image is projected through his selfconfidence and behavior. believe in his own ability (even if not boundless). but through your self generated set of ethical matrix. not necessarily according to other people's belief. You have to be ethical. sense of adventure. compassion for others and desire to contribute/make a difference He can develop these qualities by 1) Seeking a mentor/mentors to MODEL 2) "Being the change that he seeks" 3) Surrounding himself with like-minded individuals “I believe that in order to feel successful you have to be true and honest to yourself. is one of the only attributes that are greatly influenced by your environment. curiosity (fascination with learning. Of course. In general. A "real man" will certainly know who he is. discipline/strength/integrity.”
. such ethics are very much influenced by others. growing. Other people (especially men) are attracted to the combination of elements projected by the "Real Man".the ability to generate effort.3) What are the qualities that a man should develop in himself in order to become a “real man”… a pillar and example for younger men… and how can he develop these qualities?
The qualities I think a man should develop in himself are courage.
Stay On Your Course
5) Make your territory yours. 8) Stop giving approval to get it.The Laws Of Success With Women
1) Accept everything the way it is. 2) Go to work on yourself.
. 10) Learn how to read situations before acting or communicating." 7) Stop seeking approval. 3) Move your frame of reference inside. 6) See yourself as "high status. 4) Become a fascinating person. 9) Stop trading status for approval. not women. 11) Keep doing what works and stop doing what doesn’t work.
14) Stop apologizing. 19) Lead. 17) Learn how to turn a woman on mentally. and physically. 13) Stop trying to impress women. emotionally. 16) Keep your composure always.The Laws Of Success With Women
12) Put yourself in the path of attractive women. 15) Become selfish so you can become generous.“ and that it and other things like it only make you stronger. 18) Learn the entire mating process of humans in detail. 20) Prove to yourself over and over that you can deal with "rejection.
and eliminate failure models.
. 22) Learn how to tell an interesting story about anything. 27) Don’t whine. bitch.The Laws Of Success With Women
21) Surround yourself with success models. 26) Learn to sacrifice short-term gratification for long-term success. 29) Value yourself and your time more than any woman. or complain. 24) Learn how to dress and groom yourself well. 25) Make friends with attractive women by becoming a guy women like being around. no matter what's happening. 23) Learn how to use Cocky Comedy. 28) Learn how to always enjoy yourself.
31) Learn to control your emotions. 32) Let her problems be her problems.
. 38) Stop idealizing relationships. 33) Don't try to control her by supporting her or giving her money. 37) Stop idealizing women. 36) Become an expert on your own self deception habits. 34) Behave as if you have 100 women calling you every day to see you.The Laws Of Success With Women
30) Develop your awareness. 35) Learn to identify status by communication and body language instantly.
available women. 41) Constantly improve yourself. 43) Set up your life so you're constantly meeting interesting. 45) Get in touch with your personal path or purpose. 44) Evict your inner Wussy. attractive. 40) Focus more of your time and effort on learning. and stay on it always. and stay on it. and less on doing.
. 42) Stop projecting your strengths and weaknesses onto others. 46) Create useful habits and eliminate destructive or negative habits.The Laws Of Success With Women
39) Know your purpose or path in life.
. and authentic always. and do more. 49) Recognize when you're losing control of yourself 50) Engage her emotions and body. 54) Convince yourself that what's about to happen is going to be unbelievably fun.The Laws Of Success With Women
47) Be honest. 51) Don't behave in a boring or predictable way. then convince her of it. 55) Always act and communicate in a way that leaves her wanting to know more. 53) Turn everything into an adventure. 52) Make yourself into the most interesting person a woman has ever met. feel more. 48) Look past the content to see the true meaning of what's going on. not her mind.
pull the needle out of your arm immediately. become centered. and the techniques will take care of themselves.
. in books. step back. go back to the basics. 57) When you hit a challenge. find your center. or on video. 59) When you find yourself losing power with a woman. stop. 58) Focus on the core skills and your deep inner game.The Laws Of Success With Women
56) Surround yourself with success models. 60) Always have three female friends around you that are very similar to the type of woman you want to meet. then make yourself the center. 61) Every day. on audio. whether they be in person. and wait until she calls you .
64) Eliminate every nervous tick. dress. stop. and blunt when it's time to be direct. and make her really want it before you tease her with a little more. 67) Accept and embrace transition anxiety as an opportunity to see things from a beginner's perspective automatically.. style. 63) Become fanatical about every detail of your health. 66) Become unbelievably honest. posture. gesture. hygiene. voice tone. authentic.
. direct. and unconscious response to challenges from women. 65) Objectify your demons so you control them instead of them controlling you. pull back.. facial expression.The Laws Of Success With Women
62) When you find something she really likes.
and emotional. Fear of something and the actual event... 72) Compare your progress and success only to yourself. 69) Learn to enjoy the process of learning more than the actual result of the learning. and future. 70) Teach others every great thing you learn immediately. present. 71) Eliminate failure by learning from it. Short.. 73) Evolve constantly and consciously – always seek the next level and paradigm.
. not others. medium. Physical... logical. And other non-useful combinations. and long-term gratification.The Laws Of Success With Women
68) Untangle past....