1. Work smart.

 This means using discipline to get smart before

you start working. Find out everything you can about the business
domain you are targeting. In addition, maintain a change-oriented
and future-focused mentality, with an actionable execution plan.
When someone tells you they are working hard, it’s usually an
excuse for not working smart.
2. Present everything. If you are trying to gain commitment or
persuade someone, practice the discipline of thinking beyond
conversational chatter. The four steps of a successful presentation
always include preparation, practice, delivery, and asking for the
order. Make these part of every interaction with partners,
customers, and team members.
3. Deal with people. People do business with your people, not
your startup. Finely tuned people skills make you more likeable,
warm, friendly, open, and effective. Put yourself in their heads to
see things from their perspective. Have patience, and listen
actively before speaking. Street smart entrepreneurs practice this
discipline until it is not work.
4. Watch your money. It’s not unusual for creative entrepreneurs
to find finances difficult to understand, intimidating, or just a
numbing bore. If you feel that way, find a partner who loves that
critical side of the business. In reality, the discipline to manage
cash does not require a financial genius. It just requires a
discipline of relentless focus.
5. Get more business. This discipline is the art of making a
constant of new business opportunities, new customers, and new
revenue flowing into your startup. Develop an aggressive
prospecting mentality, stay close to current and past customers,
get referrals, and optimize Internet marketing. If you startup isn’t
evolving and growing, you are failing
6. Manage yourself. Entrepreneurs will always be wearing many
hats in their business and personal life. Even the more important
activities can sometimes be excuses to avoid the underlying
challenge of working toward you life-changing goals. Learn and
practice time management disciplines. Banish procrastination. Be
decisive. Have fun.
7. Everybody sells. It may not be in their job descriptions, but
everyone in a startup should be selling. The very first moment that
you have contact with an investor, or a customer has contact with
your team, an impression and a perception is created. That
perception is your reality, and you only get one chance to make it
a good one.
Overall, street smarts also requires that you can put all these things together
for problem solving, and to dodge and weave effectively through the risky
business streets. It means balancing your idealistic vision of how things could
be, against the realities of the business world. Confidence and a positive
attitude are also required to be a street smart and successful entrepreneur.

But attitude and problem solving are not sufficient, without the basic
disciplines outlined above. No one is born with all these disciplines. These
represent the knowledge and experience of many successful business people.
Study them carefully and practice them religiously. The alternative is a long
and painful learning curve, which neither you nor your investors can afford.

How To Get Out of Your

Comfort Zone
“How do you get yourself out of [your] comfort zone?” — Wanxuan

Getting out of your comfort zone means doing whatever it is that makes
you uncomfortable.

This means doing things that you resist, hate, or even fear. As long as
you do that, you will naturally expand your comfort zone.

However, for someone to want to push him/herself out of his/her comfort

zone constantly, to always be in the face of discomfort, uncertainty, and
resistance, AND be okay with that, there needs be a reason, a spark, a
fuel, to drive him/her forward despite resistances. This reason can be a
passion he/she is trying to pursue or a vision he/she is trying to realize.

Knowing this reason is actually more important than learning tips and
strategies to expand one’s comfort zone, because once you are driven
by a vision bigger than you and a force greater than any other, you will
naturally do whatever it takes, including grotesquely expand your
comfort zone, to achieve that vision.

For example, I have long been driven by my passion to help others grow.
This passion has led me to quit a well-paying job in 2008 (at the start of
a financial crisis), build up my business from a place of zero knowledge
and credibility, unabashedly pitch collaboration ideas to others, be
publicly featured in the media, public speak in front of masses (as
someone who is a natural introvert), network with strangers, and lay out
my life, of all its ups and downs, transparently on my blog.

All these are not activities I would normally do. All these activities used
to be way outside my comfort zone (until I did them and made them part
of my comfort zone). In fact, it was not too long ago when I had little
interest in entrepreneurship, public speaking, getting media coverage,
networking, etc.

Yet, I did those activities, am doing them today, and will continue to do
them on a larger scale, because they are necessary to realize my bigger
vision of creating a united world. At the end of the day, I want to reach
out to all seven billion people in the world and enable everyone to
achieve his/her highest potential in life, and I will never stop until that
happens.

If it means having to do the most painful and most uncomfortable of

things, then so be it—I will do them. If it means having to stretch my
comfort zone to the infinite maximum level, then that is exactly what I will
do. I will cross whatever the chasms are between me and my vision and
make it happen.

Directing this back to you, what is your passion or goal? What is the
vision you want to achieve? What is the end objective you want to
attain?

If you can identify what is it that you want to pursue, what is that vision
you want to achieve, and what is the end objective you want to realize,
you can then use that to fuel you in your growth. By letting yourself be
inspired by what you want/love to do, you will naturally be okay
with doing the things you dislike/resist/hate/fear to realize your dream.
You will simply step out of your comfort zone and make things happen.
This is a far superior and sustainable approach than blindly pushing
against fear for the sake of it.

As for specific tips and strategies to nudge yourself out of your comfort
zone, here’s what I have to share:

1. Move towards your fear (rather than away from it). This means
if you feel fearful about something, then feel the fear, and boldly do
it anyway. Your fear dictates the things that lie outside of your
comfort zone. By stepping into the emotion of fear, you are literally
expanding your comfort zone.
2. Take actions different from what you normally do. Every little
thing you do that is a deviation from your usual routine is one step
outside of your comfort zone. For example, try a different route to
work. Order a different dish from your favorite restaurant. Speak to
that colleague whom you normally would not talk to. Email that
guy/girl you like to say hi. ;)
3. Fall in love with discomfort. The whole essence of moving out of
one’s comfort zone is about learning be okay with being
uncomfortable. Better yet, learn to love to be uncomfortable.
Whenever I feel uncomfortable (cue: tingling of spider senses), I
know it’s a good thing because it means that I’m growing. I don’t
resist that feeling of discomfort; rather, I embrace it.
4. Constantly try new things. Make a point to try something new
every week. It can be as simple as reading a new book, trying rock
climbing, or something. I’m always open to doing different things,
as long as they fall within my personal agenda. In fact as a
personal principle, I will always give something at least one shot
too before I write it off.

Related resources to check out:

1. Day 2: Design Your Ideal Life of Live a Better Life in 30 Days

Program— The ideal life which will be the driving force behind your
relentless efforts, including breaking out of your comfort zone
(again and again)
 2. Day 24: Expand Your Comfort Zone of Live a Better Life in 30
Days Program — Where I challenge participants to do at least
three things that lie outside their comfort zones
3. Blind Spots In Personal Growth— Knowing your blind spots and
addressing them is part of expanding your comfort zone

And here’s a quote I’d like to end off with:

Fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your compass towards your growth

10 Rules of a Great
Conversationalist
Being a good conversationalist is important be it in business, social
situations, or dating. Over the past years, I’ve met a lot of people
in different contexts. During my seven-month trip across the U.S. and
Europe last year, I met over hundreds of new people. Networking events
are a norm to me as a business owner. My dating immersion has put me
in many different date situations.

Whenever I meet new people, I find that the quality of our interaction is
tied to two factors: (1) the compatibility of our values, and (2) our
conversational skills.

I’ve met people who are great conversationalists and we would hit it off
right away, with endless things to talk about. The energy is
undeniable. :D These people are a great joy to speak with because they
are self-aware and sensitive.

I’ve also met people who are difficult to converse with. I would ask many
questions which are returned with mono-syllabic responses, after which
the conversation trails off into awkward pauses or turn into a monologue.
Unfortunately, conversing with them can be quite painful.
This reminds me of someone whom I met in New York last year. While
he was highly intelligent (he was a senior analyst in a MNC), he didn’t
seem to have a very high EQ. He kept asking me questions in a very
interrogative way and kept probing into my life, while deflecting all my
questions about him and not reciprocating the exchange. I also recall a
negative conversation I had before with a very combative person. He
kept putting down my view points and argued why I was wrong and why
he was right — even though I wasn’t trying to argue. Both encounters left
me with a sour taste. Needless to say, I didn’t stay in touch with either of
them.

How To Be a Great Conversationalist: 10 Essential

Rules
Given that conversational skills is a must-have in today’s world, I thought
it’ll be great to write about how to be a great conversationalist, since I
have not written about communication before.

While there is much for me to learn in communication, I’ve been told by

friends, acquaintances, and associates that they enjoy speaking to me,
and they find themselves sharing personal things that they don’t share
with others. I also have drawn-out conversations that can go on forever if
not for other appointments.

I don’t think there are any “tricks” or shady techniques you have to apply
to be a great conversationalist. Below are 10 timeless rules I apply to all
my conversations:

1. Be genuinely interested in the person. Who is this person?

What’s on his/her mind? What does he/she enjoy doing? What
motivates him/her in life? These are the questions I have for every
single person I meet. Since people are part of my life purpose (to
help others achieve their highest potential), my genuine interest in
people, from who they are to what they do, comes naturally. 

Having a genuine interest, not an artificial one, is essential to a

great conversation. Even if you apply rules #2 to #10 of being a
 great conversationalist, the conversation will still fall flat because
there is no driving force behind the exchange.

So have a genuine interest in everyone you speak to. If you are not
interested in the other person, then why speak to him/her to begin
with? Move on to someone you really want to talk to. Life is too
short to be spent doing things you don’t like.

2. Focus on the positive. Go for the positive topics. This means

rather than talk about past grievances, discuss future goals. Rather
than talk about the coffee that spilled on your table this morning,
talk about the movie you look forward to watching later this
evening. It’s okay to talk about “negative” topics (topics that trigger
negative emotions) once in a while, but only when you feel it is
okay with the other party and when it has a specific purpose (such
as to get to know the other person better or to bond with him/her).

During your conversations, adopt a forward-thinking mentality.

Less complaining, more solutions. Less judgment, more empathy.
Doing the latter will make you a more enjoyable person to speak
to. Doing the former will turn you into an energy vampire.

Principle #4 of 10 Timeless Principles to be Happy teaches you

how to see the positive over the negative in every situation.

3. Converse, not debate (or argue). In the article opening, I

mentioned I once had a conversation with a highly argumentative
guy. Rather than treat the conversation as a fun, enjoyable
exchange, he kept picking on my comments and turned them into
elaborate me vs. you arguments, when I didn’t care either way.
Needless to say, the conversation quickly dwindled into nothing.
His combative and demeaning attitude was so draining that I didn’t
even want to speak to him after 15 minutes.

A conversation should be an avenue where opinions are aired, not

a battleground to pit one’s stance against another. Chat, discuss,
and trash out ideas, but do so amiably. There’s no need to have a
conclusion or agreement point in every discussion; if a
convergence has to be met for every discussion point, the
 conversation becomes very draining. Allow things to be left open if
a common point can’t be achieved.

4. Respect. Don’t impose, criticize, or judge. Respect each other’s

point of view. It’s fine to express your opinion, but don’t force it on
them. Respect each other’s space — don’t encroach on the
person’s privacy unless you guys already know each other way.
Respect each other’s personal choices — don’t criticize or judge.
To do the opposite in each instance would be to impose yourself
on others when it isn’t your place to do so. Remember, everyone
has the right to be him/herself, just as you have the right to be
yourself.
5. Put the person in his/her best light. Always look for ways to
make the person look good. Give credit where credit is
due. Recognize talent where you see it. Praise where
appropriate. Allow the person to shine in his/her own light. A lot of
people don’t recognize their personal ability and it’s up to you to
help them do that. Be their guide; be their conduit to love.

6. Embrace differences while building on

commonalities. Everyone is different. At the same time, there are
always commonalities between people. Embrace the differences.
They make each of us unique. Agree to disagree if there are
clashes in ideas. As you talk to the other person, look for
commonalities between you and him/her. Once you find a common
link, build on that. Use that as a way to learn more about him/her,
which will help you find new commonalities that you can further
build on.
7. Be true to yourself. Your best asset is your true self. Embrace it
and let it shine. Don’t cover it up. It’d be pretty boring if all you do is
mime the other person’s words during a conversation; there
wouldn’t be anything to discuss at all! Be ready to share your real
thoughts and opinions (not in a combative manner though — see
#3). Be proud of what you stand for and be ready to let others
know the real you. Read: Finding Your Inner Self
8. 50-50 sharing. I always think that a great conversation should
consist of equal sharing by both parties. It may be 40-60 or 60-40
depending on the circumstances, but both parties should have
equal opportunities to share and contribute to the conversation.
 This means, be sensitive enough to pose questions to the other
person if you have been talking for a while (see #9). It also means
that you should take the initiative to share more about yourself if
the other person has been sharing for the most part. Just because
the person doesn’t ask you questions doesn’t mean you can’t
share; sometimes people don’t ask questions because it is not in
their culture to do so, or because they think it may be invasive.

9. Ask purposeful questions. Questions elicit answers. The kind of

questions you ask will steer the direction of the conversation. To
have a meaningful conversation with the other person, ask
meaningful questions. Choose questions like, “What drives you in
life?”, “What are your goals for this year?” and “What inspired you
to make this change?”, over “What did you do yesterday?” and
“What are you going to do later?” Try the questions in this list for a
change: 101 Important Questions To Ask Yourself.

Some people may not be ready to think about conscious questions

and that’s fine. Start off with simple, everyday questions as you
build a rapport with him/her. Then, get to know him/her better
through deeper questions, when you think he/she is ready to
share.

10. Give and take. Sometimes people say pretty weird stuff
during conversations. For example, a critical comment here and
there, a distasteful remark, a bad joke. Don’t judge them for those
comments. Give them the benefit of doubt (unless clearly proven
otherwise). I myself make random oddball comments sometimes
which leave me wondering why I even did that. Usually I just laugh
or shrug it off; it makes for funny conversation banter.

What’s a Great Conversationalist to You?

What do you think makes a great conversationalist? How can you apply
the 10 rules to be a better conversationalist? Be sure to check out the
other articles in the interpersonal communication series below!