DO’S & DON’TS

FOR ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS

Communication No one wants to

Do
• Soften up
:
hug a cactus;
everyone wants to hug
a teddy bear.

• Be gentle and kind

• Reassure your partner
• Be empathetic and compassionate
• Try to see the other person's perspective
Don't
• Attack
:
• Assassinate characters
• Point out what you hear your spouse saying that makes sense • Insult • Play games or hint
• Say, “I understand why you’d feel like that…” • Call Names • Make threats
• Take responsibility for what you can • Blame • Yell, throw or hit
• Stay with the here and now • Accuse • Give ultimatums
• Focus on 1 issue at a time • Judge • Threaten divorce
• Try to find a solution • Criticize • Bring up every problem or fight
• Help soothe your partner by touching their arm or giving a hug • Withdraw you've ever had
• Say loving things, like compliments or praise, during a fight • Shut down • Give the silent treatment
• Complain without blaming the other person • Be defensive • Bring up other people’s opinions
• Ask for what you need to feel better • Use profanity on your marriage
• Take breaks & stop when you feel like you're losing self-control • Involve your kids • Walk away without saying you'll
• Call the other "crazy" be back later
Created by Kathy Nickerson, PhD – © 2019 – All rights reserved. For more, visit DrKathyNickerson.com