Hello Excellence Consulting Presents..

Dos and Don’ts for Effective Listening

“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening

when you would rather have talked.” ~Mark Twain HELLO_EXCELLENCE
 Hearing stimulates your ears,
while listening stimulates your heart.

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 Listening benefits both
the listener and the speaker
Benefits for the Listener: Benefits for the Speaker:

1. They get more data. 1. They feel safe and validated.

2. They learn new viewpoints.
3. They can steer the conversation in any
direction through questions.
4. They learn to not be the centre of Universe.
5. They can develop an increased attention
span and focus.
6. They can enhance their relationship with the
speaker by letting them vent.
2. They can vent and feel lighter.
3. They are able to think through and navigate
their thoughts better.
4. They can be the centre of attention, even of
momentarily.
5. They feel important, a rare phenomenon in a
world full of suffering.

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 Dos and Don’ts
for Effective Listening

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 Before you start talking..

Dos
• Put everything away - your devices, work, and even agendas.

Don’ts
● Don’t try to multitask. Multitasking is a myth, and it doesn’t
exist.
● Human mind can consciously focus on only one thing at once.

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 When talking about something
you are an expert of…

Dos
• Remember that the person you are listening to might know
something you don’t.

Don’ts
● Don’t express opinion on everything. Pick your battles, you
have limited energy.

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 When others are speaking…

Dos
• Let them complete their sentences.
• Take 4 seconds before you respond to a statement.

Don’ts
● Don’t finish other peoples’ sentences.
● Don’t wait eagerly for the other person to finish, so that you
can talk. Conversation is a jigsaw puzzle, not a tennis match.

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 When people share their pain...

Dos
• When people are venting, validate them. Fixing them is not your
job.
• Imagine that you are getting paid $1 for every time you don’t
express your opinion. Reflect on how many dollars you can
collect in a single day.

Don’ts
● Don’t try to solve other people’s problems.
● Don’t have the expectation that the other person will solve
their problem. They may have the same problem about the
same people even after 20 years.

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 When talking about a
controversial topic...
Dos
• Try to create a gap between the time when others stop speaking
and your response.
• Bigger the gap, better the response.

Don’ts
● Don’t get triggered even if the other person says something
unacceptable and shocking.
● Don’t give the remote of your emotions to others.

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 When the speaker shares
some new information…
Dos
• Repeat the information back to the speaker. This is known as
reflection, and it makes the person feel validated.

Don’ts
● Don’t judge them from what they just told you. We NEVER
have enough data about their life.

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 When people talk about their
problems

Dos
• Ask genuine and non-judgemental questions to learn more
about their problems.

Don’ts
● Don’t provide solutions. People mostly share their pain to
unburden themselves. By giving them unsolicited advice, we
may increase their burden of solving it.

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 When people talk about
something you can relate to...

Dos
• Keep the other person the focus of the conversation.

Don’ts
● Don’t start talking about your own past experiences.

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 When people are going through
problems…

Dos
• Validate them by saying things like, ”I understand.”, “That must
be tough.”, “I can only imagine…”.

Don’ts
● Don’t try to come up with smart things to say.
● It is not about showing how intelligent you are, it is about
building connection and sharing the load.

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 When people are talking...

Dos
• Look into the eyes of the listener with genuine curiosity.

Don’ts
● Don’t try to be interesting, just try to be interested.

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 When you are meeting someone new…

Dos
• Try not to label them and put them into categories of gender, colour, religion,
occupation, etc.
• Ask them open-ended questions to learn more about them.
• Open ended questions are the ones that elicit a detailed response and often begin with
‘what’, and ‘how’.
• For example, "How did that make you feel?”, “What you think about that?”

Don’ts
● Don’t use closed ended questions.
● Closed ended questions elicit a one-word answer.
● For example, questions like ”Did you eat the food?”, “When are you going for a
vacation?”, “Do you like him?” have a one-word answer.

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 To learn more about our workshops,
visit us at www.helloexcellence.com
or write directly to us at gagandeep@helloexcellence.com
Phone: +91-8800399732

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