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Aspects of Love and Relationships in Astrology

By Kelly Surtees / January 3, 2019
Astrologers see the birth chart as a map of your soul. When your personal soul map
is placed next to the soul map of someone else, it’s possible to see energy links,
known as aspects, between the planets in your chart and the planets in the other
person’s chart.
Regardless of the relationship you share – family, professional or intimate – these
planetary aspects can help you understand the flow of energy between you and
others. Putting the birth charts for any two people – or more if working with family
groups or workplace dynamics – side by side invites the planets and the Zodiac to
inform you as to what’s really going on when you interact.
Astrology comes alive when used in a dynamic setting like relationships. Family
themes, sibling connections and of course intimate intricacies can all be explored,
named and re-viewed using the symbols in astrology.
Relationship astrology is a direct, effective and simple way to use astrology. It can
provide a fresh perspective on old relationship patterns, helping you better
understand the true nature of close connections.
One of the primary ways astrologers gain information about you from the sky, via
your birth chart, is to consider the links or aspects between various planets at the
time you were born. This concept of planetary links is also applied when considering
how two people relate.
The Planets in Astrology
Astrologers use ten planets. The Sun and Moon stand alone as ‘luminaries’ or lights.
The next three bodies – Mercury, Venus and Mars, are known as personal planets,
and their chart influences shape your personality. Saturn and Jupiter are known as
social planets, and show how you interact with the society in which you live.
Uranus, Neptune and Pluto are known as generational or modern planets. Their
inclusion in astrology is relatively recent. Uranus was the first outer or modern planet
to be discovered, in 1781, followed by Neptune in 1846 and finally Pluto in 1930.
These planets are slow movers and spend anywhere from 7 years (Uranus) to 24
years (Pluto) in one sign.
Individually, each planet represents an internal archetype or sub personality. The
Moon symbolises the childlike, emotional and caring, nurturing part of you. Each
planet is best met by certain planets – and feels somewhat misunderstood when in
aspect with others. Each planet also symbolises certain qualities and life
experiences.
Keywords for the Planets in Astrology
Here’s a quick overview of the meaning of the planets.
* Sun – self + ego. The Sun shows your identity and way of lighting up life.
* Moon – emotions and feelings. The Moon shows your needs for safety and reflects
your preferred home and family life.
* Mercury – communication and processing. Mercury shows what you think about,
how you best communicate and the kinds of things you like to talk about.
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* Venus – love, beauty and affection. Venus shows your personal relationship style
and how you prefer to give and receive affection.
* Mars – action, passion and anger. Mars shows how you assert yourself, the kinds
of things that arouse your passion and how to channel anger.
* Jupiter – faith and philosophy. Jupiter shows what you believe in and your
perspectives on life.
* Saturn – structure and commitment. Saturn shows the personal ways in which you
seek to build foundations and solidity in your world.
* Uranus – chaos and change. Uranus shows how and where you seek to stand out
from the crowd.
* Neptune – surrender and dissolving. Neptune shows how and where you like to
escape and what inspiration means for you.
* Pluto – power and control. Pluto shows how you experience and express power
and the ways in which you seek control in life.
The Five Ptolemaic Aspects in Astrology
In every birth chart, planets form links with each other. Based on geometry and
known as ‘aspects’, there are five major aspect connections commonly used by
astrologers. Of these five, two are considered easy or supportive – the sextile and
trine, two are considered challenging – the square and opposition, and the final one –
the conjunction, can be either positive or difficult depending on the nature of the
planets involved.
The five major aspects are created by dividing the zodiac/sky circle into segments
based on either 60 or 90 degrees. The Zodiac, like all circles, is 360 degrees. Each
aspect is allowed a little leeway from these exact distances to be considered
influential. This distance is known as an ‘orb’ and can vary from 0 to 10 degrees. I
use an orb of at most about 5 degrees – the closer these planetary links, the tighter
and more influential planetary and subsequent relationship dynamics are.
Interpreting Aspects in Astrology
In the realm of relationship astrology it’s more important to understand the nature of
the energetic link created by two planets than to focus on the exact nature of the
aspect.
Every couple that has a Uranus/Mars aspect experiences some type of awakening
around sexuality and assertiveness, and challenges the status quo in the process.
Whether this happens easily or with some difficulty depends on the nature of the
aspect.
A Mars/Uranus sextile or trine express more smoothly than a Mars/Uranus square or
opposition. A Mars/Uranus conjunction, like all conjunctions, can express differently
depending on the sign the two planets occupy. The aspect or type of link simply
shows how easily or not the underlying dynamic expresses.
The Most Intense Types of Relationship Aspects
As with everything in life, not all aspects are created equal. To get a true sense of the
power between two people, it’s the aspects from one person’s lights and personal
planets (that’s Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus and Mars) to another’s outer or
generational planets (Uranus, Neptune, Pluto) that show the deeper nature of your
relationships.
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Saturn is one extra planet to include as his connections to the lights/personal planets
highlight how (or not!) possible a real, lasting relationship is between two people.
These aspects have been called as “Karmic Inter Aspects” or KIA’s as I more
affectionately term them.
Typically these intense relationship aspects occur between Person A’s Saturn or
outer planet to Person B’s lights or personal planets:

Person A Person B

Sun Saturn

Moon Uranus

Mercury Neptune

Venus Pluto

Mars

The links can go from any planet in the left hand column to any planet in the right
hand column. You might find your Pluto links to your partner’s Mercury. Or your
partner’s Uranus links to your Mars.
Here’s a highlight of the major Karmic Inter Aspects and what they can reveal about
your connection.
Saturn Aspects in Relationship
If you share Saturn contacts with your partner you can expect there to be a
grounded, mature and realistic quality to your connection. Saturn is the planet
astrologers associate with longevity and commitment. It’s also the planet that gives
two people the practical skills to work through relationship ups and downs over time,
bestowing the relationship with quiet strength. Saturn creates a ‘we’ll stick this out
together’ quality. When there are Saturn contacts things can be slow to get started,
as if each of you feels the weight of possibility from the beginning. Saturn contacts
work best when you take your time to get to know each other and build a strong
foundation of shared interests and common values. Saturn is also about limits and
restrictions, so be aware of how one of you might hold back or limit the other. Saturn
is a symbol for ‘father’ and authority figures in general. It also symbolises age and in
these relationships there can be a strong subconscious father theme playing out, or
there can be a signification age or maturity difference between the two partners.
When Saturn is involved, relationship traditions matter.
Saturn in aspect to:
Sun – the Saturn person acts as foundation to the Sun person. There can be
parental themes in this partnership. The Saturn person’s wisdom and experience
help the Sun person find their most authentic way to shine in the world. The Saturn
person needs to be conscious of not limiting or inhibiting the confidence/expression
of the Sun person.
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Moon – the Saturn individual provides safety and security, especially around home
and family life. The Moon person finds someone on whom they can rely. The Saturn
person can seem less emotional than the Moon person which can cause tension.
Mercury – the Saturn person helps the Mercury individual find their voice. This can
be through study, rational thinking and anything to do with writing/teaching.
Communication is a focus and working together to both respect each other’s
opinions and different ways of processing is necessary. Details are important and
sticking to commitments made together/to each other is key.
Venus – the Saturn individual brings the possibility of lasting love. The Venus person
has the chance to experience true commitment and loyalty. Affection may be limited
or expressed in private, but the potential for deep genuine love exists.
Mars – the Mars individual can resist Saturn’s attempts to create structure and
foundation. The Saturn person seeks commitment and wants security which to Mars
may mean giving up some individual freedoms. The trade off is shared adventure
over time.
Uranus Aspects in Relationship Astrology
Uranus is an electric planet of instant connections. When there are Uranus contacts
expect to feel ‘awakened’ by what happens in your relationship. Uranus connections
are typically chaotic and unpredictable, where partners often spend time apart. They
also come with some kind of shock or wow factor. Unconsciously, separations can
occur through a pattern of breaking up and making up. Consciously the experience of
being together then apart then together again can arise out of each person
respecting the others individuality and independence. Uranus contacts are common
in long distance relationships or where one partner works shifts. Significant cultural
differences may also be a symbol of a Uranus connection – Uranus is the planet of
differences and the unusual. Sometimes Uranus connections are the short but fast
paced kind. Uranus is the planet of chaos and rebellion so if you can find a way to
work constant change into the fabric of your partnership you’ll enjoy the Uranus
connection to it’s full potential. When Uranus is involved, anything is possible.
Uranus in aspect to:
Sun – discovering a sense of one’s true self is possible if your Sun is aspected by
your partner’s Uranus. You may discover the confidence to reveal previously
unexpressed parts of your psyche. Life be chaotic, but the experiences of being
different are stimulating.
Moon – if your Moon is aspected by a partner’s Uranus the tug between freedom and
closeness can be key. Working out how and when to ‘need’ your partner, versus how
and when to set them/yourself free takes effort. Doing so creates a bond where you
honour the unique ways in which you nourish each other, but still allow each other
freedom to grow outside the partnership. Home and family life can be
unconventional.
Mercury – if your Mercury is aspected by a partner’s Uranus it’s time to start thinking
outside the box. New forms of communication emerge from this connection as you
realise it’s time to break old habits. Technology can feature in how you stay in touch
as can different languages. Be open to conversing in alternative ways (including
energetic!).
Venus – if your Venus is aspected by a partner’s Uranus how you give and receive
affection becomes atypical. Your tastes and desires about love and romance alter
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radically through this partnership as you give voice to your authentic desires for love,
no matter how different or unique. Be open to exploring exotic love rituals and
alternative relationship structures – this partnership is classically about non traditional
styles of marriage. Expect to give relationship habits a modern, authentic revamp.
Mars – If your Mars is aspected by a partner’s Uranus expect your sexual
experiences to delve into quirky territory. Mars is about passion, anger and
assertiveness so this combination can be volatile as well as incredibly hot. You’ll
learn about the many forms passion can take, but be prepared to suspend all
judgement about sexual intimacy. You’ll only ever try things you choose, but with this
partner almost anything is possible. It’s a high energy, high fire combination.
In all cases the Uranus individual must remember their need for change, innovation
or constant movement will not always match their partner’s needs. If it’s your Uranus,
maintaining a strong sense of identity outside the partnership – and keeping up with
your own interests – is a must.
Neptune Aspects in Relationship Astrology
Neptune is the planet of romance and fairytales. In relationships, Neptune creates
the desire for idealistic perfection – which can sound lovely, but is hard to maintain.
Neptune rules the realms of creativity and spirituality and the best kinds of Neptune
contacts inspire the individuals to explore spiritually or get artistic together. The
desire to escape is strong with Neptune and unconsciously expressed this can lead
to a couple who shirks real life responsibilities and drinks or parties to much. The
desire to merge completely with a partner is strong when there are Neptune contacts
and finding ways to be enmeshed without being co-dependent are part of the
process. When Neptune is involved, meeting each other feels like finding ‘the one’. At
least at first, until you try to add in money, daily life and work/family responsibilities.
Neptune in aspect to:
Sun – If it’s your Sun aspected by a partner’s Neptune it’s very easy to over identify
with them/their dreams. Getting swept up in their lifestyle can leave out of touch with
your own needs. Sharing fantasies for the future is important, but make sure you
have equal input.
Moon – If it’s your Moon touched by a partner’s Neptune you have one of the most
romantic connections around. The desire to create an idyllic home and family life
means you could overlook reality, especially when you first get together. This
connection works best when you both honour the larger than usual place for emotion
and sensitivity in your partnership.
Mercury – If it’s your Mercury touched by a partner’s Neptune expect to have the
creative muses aroused through your relationship. Sharing poetry, music and art is a
lovely couple experience, though dealing with details and planning may be vague
and confusing.
Venus – If it’s your Venus touched by your partner’s Neptune you’ll seek in them the
perfect partner. This is the connection of princesses and knights in shining armour. A
deep desire for love and affection can mean ignoring practical limits so try to be
grounded when planning together.
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Mars – If it’s your Mars touched by a partner’s Neptune you’ll crave the perfect blend
of passion and intuition. Tantra is an expression of this as you seek to lose yourself
with your partner through physical or sexual outlets.
In all cases, if it’s your Neptune find ways to share your soulfulness and sensitivity
with your partner in a way that encourages you both to become more energetically
aware. Sinking into co-dependency is seductive, but consciously supporting each
other’s creative and spiritual growth is healthier all around. Be aware of how your
desire for complete closeness drives you. Explore how you can share spiritual or
creative pursuits (like meditation or any experiences with music) to create a unique
otherworldly connection. You are the receptacle of all things inspired for the two of
you – making time for pure romance keeps you both happy, but remember to get to
work on time too.
Pluto Aspects in Relationship Astrology
Pluto is the planet of power and control. When you share a Pluto contact with
someone, the connection can feel intense and instant, as if you have known each
other forever. And perhaps, at a soul level, you have. Pluto creates attraction that’s
compelling and forces both of you to change throughout your relationship. Pluto does
symbolise the darker side of the psyche and it’s important to bring into
consciousness control or manipulation themes under his energy. Pluto can offer you
a relationship that teaches you empowerment and mutual support, but only if you can
step away from patterns that may be about controlling others. Pluto represents
jealousy and dealing with the truth about each other’s past can require delicate
handling. With Pluto, it’s all or nothing.
Pluto in aspect to:
Sun – If it’s your Sun aspected by your partner’s Pluto this relationship offer you the
space to become a whole new person. Being together helps you banish bad habits
and become a healthier, happier you. You’ll need to address any baggage or
unconscious behaviour though – it’s all about truth.
Moon – If it’s your Moon aspected by a partners Pluto this relationship will take you
into the depths of the full spectrum of human emotion. It’ll be intense and profound as
you have the chance to purge yourself of unhealthy behaviours. The experiences you
share around home and family may mean a total break from your past.
Mercury – If it’s your Mercury aspected by a partners Pluto you’ll want to explore all
the mysteries of intimacy together. This is an intensely honest partnership where
speaking the truth is the only way forward. Sometimes the truth hurts, but being with
each other in the presence of truth can offer you better skills around communication.
Words have real power in this connection.
Venus – If it’s your Venus aspected by a partner’s Pluto affection and pleasure
deepen profoundly. Power may go to the most tactile partner – or to the partner who
withholds affection. Notice how touching each other becomes a symbol for other
factors in your partnership. The concept of femininity can become part of your
relationship as together you seek to honour the strength of the feminine.
Mars – If it’s your Mars aspected by a partner’s Pluto passion is transformative.
Together you can move mountains and make the impossible possible. This dynamic
pairing means together you are more influential than you realise. Keeping the energy
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flowing around your passionate connection, and not letting control or money matters
affect intimacy, ensures you stay connected in a positive way.
In all cases, if it’s your Pluto be careful about how your efforts to be supportive may
be misinterpreted as being controlling. Being open about true motivations and
genuine desires helps to make sure everything is as above board as possible. Any
issues around sex and money should be dealt with decisively. You have the power to
inspire your partner to make major changes, but working with them rather than
issuing ultimatums creates a smoother experience. Your desire for depth and
intimacy will ensure the relationship grows.