BEFORE PARAGRAGH(s):

First paragraph:

The purpose of this paper is to explore the assumption that technology is making us careless in

writing. I wanted to research this because I am a student that uses technology every day and

wanted to know how it affects our writing form using spell check apps, speech-text-dictation, and

getting our information from the internet for our assignments. What do we have to learn and

improve when computers write for us, and websites check our grammar? With our technology

advancing so rapidly, it is almost impossible for us to live without it. As a result of the way we

communicate, we use texting apps to communicate with our friends and family, writing short

sentences that are shortened and abbreviated. Students and people, in general, fail to recognize and

differentiate between texting and writing as (Bronowicki, K. A.,2014, p.33) says becoming

relievable on technology, is doing our students a disservice, as they cannot distinguish informal

writing from formal writing and, consequently, combine the two as one. This is true because I have

seen my classmates use abbreviations in their writing as they do in texting. They cannot see the

difference between that informal writing such as the one that we use in the text the formal writing

expected from us in school. Students are creating a new style of English writing where they

combine both forms without caring for formal grammar. I believe that there should be a balance

between these two types of writing styles. Learning the moments where each of them should be

used could help to preserve the original style that we know now so that it will not disappear over

the years. If properly instructed, the writing language can not only be preserved but also evolve

into a fresh style that is even more effective with technology. In their study (Lenhart, A., Arafeh,

S., & Smith, A. 2008, p.4), students felt that they would benefit their writing from additional

writing instruction in their schools.

Second paragraph:

My research has shown both advantages and disadvantages of using technology. After reading

multiple scholarly journals and books, I believe that technology has made us careless in writing.

Not only is the technology at fault, but also the students who are lazy to do their work.

Additionally, some teachers think that by putting instructions online, the students will

automatically know how to complete them without an actual lesson. The fact is that writing

students need constant feedback. When they are not receiving any feedback, they rely on

technology to provide a second opinion that could fix their problems or make them sound perfect.

The use of technology such as texting as a form of communication has an indirect way of making

us careless in writing. This is because we abbreviate words when texting, and we fail to

differentiate when to use them, in texting or on a school paper. Technology is a big database

connecting us with so many tools that we can use. I am not saying to use them. Instead, I am

saying to balance the usage of technology and the effort that we put into every single paper that we

write. We need to put attention to what we are communicating and reflecting the world. I believe

that we all want people to see the best of our writing abilities.

Revision plan:

 Indent paragraphs according to MLA format

 Give structure to paragraphs by identifying where an idea starts and ends.
 Properly use in-text citations according to MLA format.
 Write more about how my writing experience relates to my question of inquiry.
 Avoid talking about the research I conducted.
AFTER PARAGRAPH(s):

Firsts paragraphs:

The purpose of this paper is to explore the assumption that technology is making us

careless in writing. I wanted to research this because I am a student that uses technology every day

and wanted to know how it affects our writing form using spell check apps, speech-text-dictation,

and getting our information from the internet for our assignments. What do we have to learn and

improve when computers write for us, and websites check our grammar? With our technology

advancing so rapidly, it is almost impossible for us to live without it. As a result of the way we

communicate, we use texting apps to communicate with our friends and family, writing short

sentences that are shortened and abbreviated.

I had to learn English as my second language. Since I didn't know the grammar, my

classmates introduced me to apps that could check my grammar. Though these apps were a great

way to revise my work, at the same time, I realized that technology wouldn't help me when I was

required to write a long essay for a state exam, and I couldn't receive any help. I realized I needed

to know a little bit of grammar in order to pursue an education. I also realized that being dependent
on technology wasn't helping me grow. Therefore, I wanted to know whether technology is causing

us to be careless.

Students and people, in general, fail to recognize and differentiate between texting and

writing. Bronowicki states that we are becoming relievable on technology, which is doing our

students a disservice, as they cannot distinguish informal writing from formal writing and,

consequently, combine the two as one (33). This is true because I have seen my classmates use

abbreviations in their writing as they do in texting. As a result, they cannot distinguish between

that informal writing, such as the one we use in the text, and the formal writing we would use in

school. Students are creating a new style of English writing where they combine both forms

without caring about formal grammar.

I believe that there should be a balance between these two types of writing styles. Learning

the moments where each of them should be used could help to preserve the original style that we

know now so that it will not disappear over the years. When properly instructed, the writing

language can not only be preserved but can also evolve into a style that is even more effective with

the help of technology. The study by Lenhart, Arafeh, and Smith states that students feel that they

would benefit their writing from additional writing instruction in their schools (4).

Second Paragraphs:

I believe that technology has made us careless in writing. Not only is the technology at

fault, but also the students who are lazy to do their work. Additionally, some teachers think that by

putting instructions online, the students will automatically know how to complete them without an
actual lesson. The fact is that writing students need constant feedback. When they are not receiving

any feedback, they rely on technology to provide a second opinion that could fix their problems or

make them sound perfect.

The use of technology such as texting as a form of communication has an indirect way of

making us careless in writing. This is because we abbreviate words when texting, and we fail to

differentiate when to use them, in texting or on a school paper. Technology is a big database

connecting us with so many tools that we can take advantage of. I am not saying that we shouldn't

use them. Instead, we should balance the use of technology with the effort we put into every paper

we write. We need to put attention to what we are communicating and reflecting on the world. I

believe that we all want people to see the best of our writing abilities.
Revision analysis:

As a writer, I feel that I achieve to create a good structure for my paragraphs by indicating where
one idea begins, and where it ends. Due to the fact that I now use smaller and simpler paragraphs,
the reader can clearly see all of my ideas, resulting in less confusion. I also accomplish to indent
my paragraphs to give a more professional look according to the MLA format. Additionally, I
accomplish including proper in-text citations according to MLA format to give credit to my
sources. Also, I was able to add a little more to my experience writing. This made me realize that
technology is making us careless, as it did not help me when I was learning the language.
Furthermore, I was able to remove some sentences that I had written about the research I
conducted. The difference between the before and after is that the after looks more professional
and has a more organized structure and more details. I think that the after version is better because
I can see how my ideas flow between the paragraphs. It also gives less confusion to the readers,
and it also gives more details on how it relates to the author's opinion, in this case, mine. I think
this revision was a success, but if I receive more feedback, I might make it better than the current
version. In my next step, I will send my research paper to the writing center for feedback so that I
can improve it.