G I Jane and Major Pain script for 2 actresses

G I JANE AND MAJOR PAIN by D. M. Larson

(JANE wears a soldier’s uniform and is packing things into a duffle bag.
PENNY, a younger sister, watches her from behind something.
JANE smiles and holds up her phone like a walkie-talkie)

JANE: This is Corporal Jones contacting command.

I’m detecting an unknown entity in my perimeter.

PENNY: It’s just me, Jane.

JANE: I can never be too careful.

PENNY: What’s a corple?

JANE: Corporal. Two stripes.

(JANE points to the two stripes on her arm)

PENNY: Does that mean you’re in charge?

JANE: Not really.

PENNY: So who’s in charge?

JANE: Lots of people. Sergeants, lieutenants…

PENNY: Captains?

JANE: Yes, ma’am. And majors.

PENNY: I’m a major.

JANE: Really? I didn’t know that.

PENNY: Yup. The army called me and made me a major.

JANE: So that’s how you become a major?

I always wondered how that happened.

PENNY: I’m your boss now and you have to do everything I say.
(JANE stands at attention and salutes)

JANE: Yes, ma’am.

(PENNY tries to look tough and tall. She salutes back).

PENNY: I order you to get me a juice.

JANE: Yes, ma’am.

(JANE rushes off and brings back a juice box)

PENNY: And an apple.

JANE: Ma’am, yes, ma’am.

(JANE rushes out and gets an apple)

PENNY: Now drop and give me a 1,000.

JANE: A 1,000?

PENNY: How about 5?

JANE: Yes, ma’am.

(JANE drops to the floor and does 5 push ups)

PENNY: I saw that in a movie once.

(JANE finishes and stands at attention)

JANE: Yes, ma’am.

PENNY: Can you say anything else to a major?

JANE: Yes, ma’am.

PENNY: Like what?

JANE: No, ma’am.

PENNY: That’s it?

JANE: No, ma’am.

PENNY: It’s like a game. Speaking of games.

I order you to go get Monopoly. I want to play.

(JANE breaks out of her soldier routine)

JANE: Sorry, Penny, but I have to go soon.

(PENNY gets angry)

PENNY: But I ordered you! I’m a major!

JANE: My ride will be here soon. I have to go.

(PENNY’s eyes fill with angry tears)

PENNY: No, I order you to stay!

JANE: What is wrong with you?

PENNY: I don’t want you to go.

(PENNY hugs JANE with all her strength)

JANE: I’m really sorry, but they need me.

PENNY: I need you more.

JANE: Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon.

PENNY: Will you?

JANE: What do you mean?

PENNY: What if you get hurt?

(JANE pauses and looks worried. She sits down with PENNY
and tries to get her to make eye contact)

JANE: Is that why you are so upset?

Because you’re worried I won’t come back.

(PENNY cries as she speaks)

PENNY: I saw it on the news. They said some soldiers got hurt.
I don’t want you to get hurt.

JANE: Don’t worry. I’ll be okay.

PENNY: But what if you’re not. What if one of those majors is stupid
and tells you to do something bad and you get hurt? I won’t let them.
I order you to stop. I order you to stay home!

(PENNY cries and JANE holds her until she calms down)

JANE: I’m so sorry, Penny. But I have to go.

PENNY: I know.

(PENNY wipes away her tears and gets up. She gets JANE”s bag,
hugs it and then gives it to JANE)

JANE: That’s my brave soldier.

PENNY: I have something for you. Please wait a second while I get it.
Please don’t leave yet.

(PENNY exits. JANE looks at her phone and then goes

to the window to look outside. She sees someone and waves. PENNY returns).

JANE: My ride is here.

PENNY: I have something for you. It will protect you.

(PENNY gives JANE a coin)

JANE: Isn’t this your lucky coin?

PENNY: Yes, it helps me get good grades and helped get a free milkshake once.

JANE: You’re giving it to me.

PENNY: It will protect you. It will keep you safe.

JANE: And get me free milkshakes?

(They laugh and cry)

PENNY: Yes.

JANE: Thank you, Penny. I love you.

PENNY: I love you too, Jane. So much.

JANE: I will see you soon.

(PENNY takes JANE’s hand, the one holding the lucky coin, and holds it to her ear)

PENNY: The lucky coin says yes.

(They hug, and then JANE exits. PENNY goes to the window and salutes)