Optimism

I…I am a stubbornly optimistic person. I know this because, on the whole, I think

humanity is not good per se, but not bad either. I think humanity is alright. Oftentimes when I tell

people this, they scoff and list off all the terrible things like WWI & WWII, the holocaust,

Tiananmen Square, or one of the many times people were terrible to other people or other things.

But I still hope

There is a common saying that goes “Nothing is perfect”. We say it often to encourage

either ourselves or others, that it’s okay to not be perfect. We say it to tell people that it’s okay

that either you or something you made isn’t perfect because nothing else is so you shouldn’t have

to be perfect to be enough. But that seems like a contradiction. Being kind to other people or to

yourself is one of the few things that is perfect.

There is a theme in Tolkien’s books and to steal it straight out of the movies “I found that

it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of

kindness and love”. I think this applies to all of life. It’s not one big thing that makes life great.

It’s all the tiny things. I find that life is all the moments you don’t remember the pleasant

moments that you don’t remember because nothing really happened, you were just content,

maybe even happy. It’s staring at some flowers, it’s going for a walk, it’s the fog, it’s the cold

bite of winter as you walk out your door, it’s texting someone the word “Purple” when you’ve

run out of words to say but you still want to talk, it’s holding the door for someone and getting a

pleasant smile in return, it’s helping someone pick up their books when they drop them

everywhere, it’s seeing a tree, or a lake, or a desert, it’s the grief and pain you feel when you lose

someone you love. Now hear me out. What is more perfect than feeling sad and in pain for losing

someone because you miss them? Feeling sad because you miss them and you want them back,
but you just can’t reach them. What’s more perfect than physically hurting because you just miss

someone so much that it hurts? I know that it hurts but it's what makes us people, to quote

Maurice Sendak "I cry a lot because I miss people. I cry a lot because they die and I can't stop

them. They leave me and I love them more”. That kind of love, the kind of love that is almost

unbearable to lose, is scary. You have to open yourself up to have it. And I know vulnerability is

hard and it’s scary but it's worth it.

Alec Soth once said, “To me, the most beautiful thing is vulnerability”. To borrow John

Green’s thoughts on this quote I would argue that you can’t see the breath-taking or maybe

breath-giving beauty unless you are vulnerable. You can’t see the beauty of the sunset unless you

open up to it and to the world. You can’t let your mind swim in the vastness of the stars unless

you're willing to hold your breath and feel small, tiny, insignificant… Only then do you see that

kind of beauty. Only then do you find the little perfect moment that you won’t remember? Only

then can you fall in love with the world. And I know it’s hard. It’s hard to be vulnerable to the

world but it's worth it. Because when I tell you I’m an optimist what I’m really saying is that I’ve

fallen in love with the world. I’ve let it crack me open. Open to accept its flaws and cherish its

perfections. So the idea that “nothing is perfect”? Is bullshit. So much of the world is perfect or if

not, it’s enough and that is perfect. You just have to let it be perfect. Starting with this optimism

is enough and in the moments I don’t remember it’s perfect.