Q.1. I'm traveling to the China for the first time.

What do you know about manners

in the China? What tips do you have about being polite?
Good manners in China
It pays to know that although Chinese people have been greatly influenced by the modern outside
world, they remain strongly steeped in tradition and reading the do’s and don’ts in China provided
below will help you understand the Chinese traditions and allow you to save face and act like a local

1. Table manners in China:

To dine in China is not just to eat but to experience and share in good company. Different from western
society, Chinese people practice a ‘gather dining system’. That means dishes are placed communally in
the center of the dining table and everyone is encouraged to help themselves. While the emphasis is on
eating well, there are still a few do’s and don’ts to remember.
Chinese table manners do’s
Allow for elders to be seated first. Following this, you will be instructed where to sit. When dining with
elders, it is also impolite to begin eating before they do. It is suggested to engage in each toast, saying
the phrase ‘gan bei’ before finishing your drink – pronounced ‘gun bay’ – which means ‘dry cup’.
Try everything. At dinner, it is both polite and encouraged to sample every dish available and remarking
aloud with ‘eating noises’ that you enjoy the food. “Mmm, Delicious!” Feel free to drink from the bowl,
as will everyone else, or using your fingers to eat things like shrimp or chicken. Just make sure that
you’re not touching food that isn’t already on your own plate. Chopsticks are the most versatile tool
you’ll find on Chinese dining tables. Even if you’re not an expert. Give them a go. Your Chinese host will
love it.
Chinese table manners don’ts
Never leave chopsticks upright in your food, like incense sticks. This symbolizes death because it is like
the ceremony that Chinese people use to pray for someone who has passed and is considered bad luck.
Avoid tapping the bowl with your chopsticks and never point them at other people when dining. This is
extremely rude and best to be avoided entirely. Do not use your own chopsticks to put food on your
plate this will have everybody else turning up their nose. Use the serving chopsticks or ladles provided
to show proper table manners. While tipping is not a common practice in Chinese restaurants, in
Chinese culture, asking someone to dinner means you just offered to pay for the bill.

2. Gift giving and receiving gifts in China:

In Chinese society, it is often the case, that people are likely to decline the offer a few times before
accepting a gift, as a way of showing modesty. When gifting in China, you’ll want to avoid the following
things that may cause insult and misunderstanding.
Gift giving and receiving gifts in China do’s
Offer your gift with both hands. This is considered respectful in China, and in exchange, gifts should be
received with both hands. It is customary in Chinese culture to refuse to accept a gift once or twice
before accepting it. Respectfully declining, to show one is modest before accepting the gift, is
commonplace in Chinese culture and this may be done several times. So don’t be discouraged when
giving gifts, but don’t be too eager upon receiving one either. Gifting fresh produce such as fruit or other
treats is very polite in Chinese culture, especially if presented neatly with a box or basket.
When giving gifts from your home country, Chinese people usually appreciate gifts along the lines of
souvenirs, cigarettes, and alcohol, in lieu of this a reputable Chinese brand is also a satisfactory gift.
Gift giving and receiving gifts in China – don’ts
Avoid giving a clock as a gift. To say “sending a clock” in Chinese is the same as saying “attending a
funeral”. Therefore, sending a clock to someone as a gift in China is usually regarded as cursing someone
to die. This is obviously extremely impolite to give as a gift to anyone. Similarly, scissors and other sharp
objects do not make proper gifts either, as they represent the severing of relationships. Never gift white
or yellow flowers, particularly chrysanthemums. These are funeral flowers in China. Do not offer them
as gifts to anyone, especially to elderly people, patients, or someone who is sick. Don’t send pears or
umbrellas to your Chinese friends in a relationship. Especially newly married couples, because the
Chinese pronunciation of “pear” is the same as “divorce”. In the same way, saying “umbrella” in Chinese
implies “separation”. Sending these gifts to Chinese couples is strongly regarded as cursing them to be
apart. When wrapping your gift, to be on the safe side, use red wrapping paper. While other festive
colors can be used, they seldom are. Never wrap in any dark color, black, dark blues, and purples, etc.
Stick with red, and you can’t go wrong. Chinese people usually think it is impolite to open the gift in
front of the sender. So do not feel frustrated if they decide not to open the gift in front of you. So when
you receive a gift, avoid hastily unwrapping it. Unless indicated by the person presenting you with the
gift, it is advised to open the gifts after you leave.

3. Cultural do’s and don’ts in China:

Chinese cultural etiquette do’s
Punctuality is an important virtue in China, as it shows respect for others, so always be on time. Arrive
slightly before important engagements or events, as being a little earlier than the appointed time shows
your character and respect of others time. Be aware, the number four is highly regarded as ‘the
unluckiest number’ in Chinese culture, as it has the same pronunciation as “death” in Chinese. So don’t
be shocked to find the fourth or fourteenth floor of a building has been changed or altered when
traveling around China.
Chinese cultural etiquette don’ts
Don’t be taken aback when asked personal questions regarding age, relationships, family, what you do
for work, or even income. This is considered Chinese-style small talk and is perfectly polite within
Chinese society. Avoid being too physical when meeting Chinese people for the first time. They will find
this very uncomfortable from a stranger. A handshake and a smile or simple nod of the head are more
than enough to demonstrate your friendliness. Similarly, avoid public displays of affection. China is a
very reserved society and generally looks down upon these. Remain mindful of this and your China tour
will be an unforgettable one.

Q.2. I think that people today are very rude. I'm the father of two young boys,
ages five and ten. How can I teach my sons to be polite?
Parents do kids a grave disservice when they don't teach them how to be polite. Teachers, friends,
neighbors and extended family all appreciate it when kids are polite to them and are genuinely bothered
when kids are not polite. Teaching manners gives kids a life filled with greater appreciation for
themselves and others when they grow up with appropriate manners and respect for themselves and
those around them. This all begins with the basics of teaching kids to be polite from a young age. Here
are simple ways to get kids on the right road to being polite.

1. If you want kids to be polite you must model for them polite behavior. Speak in a kind tone to
kids and make requests not threats. It is not always easy to be patient with kids but as an adult it
is your responsibility to model appropriate behavior.
2. Catch kids being good. When you notice kids being polite to someone by either thanking
someone for something or asking for something in a polite way, acknowledge it. That way,
their
 good behavior gets attention and recognizes them for the type of behavior you expect. It
reinforces you respect and awareness of them as individuals and encourages them to behave in
similar ways in the future.
3. Set appropriate boundaries and expectations for polite behavior. Understand that kids need to
be told which polite behaviors are expected of them. In some homes, a phone call to say thank
you for a birthday present is enough. In others an email or a personal note is expected. If a child
has hurt someone’s feelings, even though that isn't what she meant to do, still encourage her to
apologize for her part in any misunderstanding. Everyone makes mistakes and no one person is
either all right or all wrong. Show kids what is expected in terms of polite behavior on a regular
basis too. Kids need consistent boundaries so they will grow into thoughtful and polite adults.
Just because kids are learning to be polite that doesn't mean they should be walked on,
however. Teach kids to walk away from people and situations that are not showing polite
behavior to them in return. By allowing them to stop impolite behavior that's directed towards
them, they learn an important lesson about self-care and self-respect.
4. Connect with kids. Some parents expect such strict standards for their children to be polite but
never let their guard down and have a little fun with them. When you connect with kids while
you teach them to be polite you create a strong and lasting bond with them. They will naturally
want to adopt polite behaviors.
5. Describe the basics of polite behavior. Keep modeling until the behavior becomes natural in the
child. Start when kids are toddlers. It is never too early to start teaching kids to be polite. The
basics of polite behavior include saying please and thank you when asking for something or
receiving something. But polite behavior also includes a kind tone of voice and a pleasant
attitude. Let kids know that people appreciate it when someone is kind to them. Kids grow up to
be more confident and have better self-esteem when they know from an early age what is
expected of them. Kids who start learning how to be polite when young grow into polite adults.