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Clinton Impson

Emily Litle

English 1021001

11 November2022

Journal #9

If I walked into a room and that room were filled with everyone, I ever knew without a

doubt the first person I would seek out would be my dad. The reasons for this are numerous.

But in this paper I want to discuss some of those reasons. First of all I need to explain my

relationship with my father. My father was my best friend, he was also my mentor and my hero.

My father was an incredible man he was good at everything he ever chose to do. My father also

shared some of the demons that I do namely alcohol and drug addiction.

My relationship with my father at times was a complicated one as I believe most

children’s are with their father. My father told me twice in my life that he loved me. Once when

I went into the Air Force and once right before he died. But my dad showed his love in the time

he took in my upbringing. In providing for his family and by teaching me skills and life lessons

that I still use today. He taught me how to be a man and not only a man but a good man. A man

that people could respect. A man who kept his word and didn’t speak lightly. He gave me the

base of what I would need to make it through life. The man taught me how to work at

everything from mechanics to carpentry. He encouraged me to learn about everything. He once

told me if you cease to learn you cease to live. I remember when I was eight years old he took
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me to get my first library card. He looked at me and said you now have no excuse to be

ignorant you have the ability to learn anything you want.

My father was not without his faults, he suffered from addiction. He expected

excellence from me, and I wasn’t always able to achieve that. He allowed me to drink when I

was 14 and he smoked marijuana with me at 18. But for all of his faults I loved him, and I always

wanted him to be proud of me. In fact part of the reason I went to the Air Force was because he

had been in the Air Force. My dad died in 2000 and I still needed him I needed his guidance I

needed the comfort of having my dad. The day he died was one of the worst days of my life and

to this day thinking about it makes me tear up like a little boy.

If I see my dad in heaven in a room filled with all the people I ever knew the first thing I

want to do is hug him and tell him I love him. I want to tell him I am sorry for making such a

mess of my life and for failing him in so many ways. I want to ask him what it all meant and If he

is proud of me. And I think I will spend some time listening to him God knows I wish I would

have listened to him better when he was alive.