Hello new friend, my name is Fred.

The words you hear are in my head.

I say, I said my name is Fred,

and I've been... very naughty.

The story I'm about to tell,

I tell you, I will tell you well,

Is of my dear aunt Muriel,

and just how I've been... naughty.

Eustace: The freak's a barber. A freaky barber! With his own freaky barber shop! Where
freaky things happen. Freaky barber things! '

Voila! The farm! My aunt lives here

with precious pup, and husband dear.

My heart beat fast as I drew near,

I felt so nice—and naughty.

Muriel: Oh! That must be Fred!

I thought just how excited they

must be that I would come today,

they'd shout "Come, Fred! Huzzah! Hooray!

Dear boy – you look so... naughty.

Muriel: Ah Fred, me dear nephew. What brings you to our cozy corner of the world?

Fred: Holiday. Gives his trademark wide smile.

Muriel: Courage, come and meet Fred!

Courage silently peeks at Fred, Fred looking towards Courage.

That's when my tired eyes beheld

a doggy dog, like dog he smelled.

D-O-G is what he spelled,

and that's how I spell... naughty.

Eustace: [Coming down the stairs.] Gotta go the hardware store and get the... y'know,
fix the bathroom door. Just don't try shutting it, cause you won't be able to get it open.

Muriel: Eustace, our guest is here. Say hello to Fred.

Eustace: Yeah... Hiya... Freak.

Muriel: Courage, shush now. You must be exhausted, Fred dear. Would you like to
freshen up?

Fred: Yes, been quite a trip it has.

Muriel: Show Fred the bathroom please, Courage.

Muriel: Such a fuss! This rudeness won't do.

Courage: Okay, I'll do it, but I won't like it.

Eustace: Okay, I'm going. Freak...

Muriel: Eustace dear, could you do me a favor? I forgot to give Fred fresh towels, could
you bring him some?

Eustace: You give them to the freak!

Muriel: I heard the door slam.

Eustace: The door slammed.

Muriel: Oh.

Eustace: Well, I guess I better get.

Muriel: Now don't you boys worry, Eustace will be back soon to get the door open.

As Courage shakes against the door]''

Alone was I, with tender Courage,

and all his fur, his furry furrage,

which, I say, did encourage,

me, to be... quite naughty.

'''Fred:''' Courage... ''[Courage gasps from fear.]'' Your hair. ''[Courage gasps again.]''

'''Fred: '''It reminds me of the first time I knew just how I felt about hair.

It was a day, I'd not forget,

the day that I first met my pet.

Oh, what a lovely gift to get,

I'd never felt so... naughty.

4:20 “My fuzzy friend is what he was,

this darling little ball of fuzz.

And oh, such fuzz, such fuzz, it does,

demand, that I be... naughty.

He looked at me, his fetching eyes,

and fetching fur did hypnotize,

and filled with joy, and filled with sighs,

and that's when I got... naughty.”

Fred: Now, now... You shouldn't play in the toilet.

Muriel: Don't worry boys, Eustace should be at the hardware store by now!

This dripping hair, this droopy curl...

Unfurl sweet memories of a girl,

whose tresses, oh, they'd twist and twirl,

and tempt me to be... naughty.

Barbara, my love was named,

and her fair hair, a mane untamed.

Until one evening, I'm ashamed,

I got a little... naughty.

The look upon my young love's face

was sweet as lace.

But in this case,

I realized she...

Needed space.

Fred: I never more was naughty. Well... maybe not never.

Fred: Playful little scamp.

Muriel: Is everything alright in there?

Muriel: Just can't wait for those pancakes, can you? Wonderful! Eustace should be back
any minute now.

'''Fred:''' ''[Waving a pancake in his right hand.]'' No need for panic. Behold, sustenance
hungry whelp!

''[He stuffs the pancake into Courage's mouth, who swallows with strain. Fred picks him
up and Courage pulls out a phone, trying to eye Fred's wristband phone number, but his
suit cuff covers it up. Courage gets two more pancakes shoved into his mouth, but pulls
off Fred's wristband and hides it.]''

{{L|Fred Narration|

<poem>''[As he "shoves" the pancake into Courage's mouth.]''

Dear cur, your fur and fleece remind

of nothing found in human kind.

But for one fellow, who did find

me -- to be... in a certain mood.</poem>}}

''[The scene changes to an actual scene, Fred in his barbershop. A long bearded man
stands in his doorway.]''

{{L|Fred Narration|

<poem>Into my shop he walked one day,

with bush above and beard bouquet.

That's no toupee, I pray... no way

I could help but be... you know...</poem>}}

''[The bearded man is now sitting in the barber chair.]''

'''Bearded Man:''' Just a trim, partner.

''[The man leans back, Fred sweating nervously over him.]''

{{L|Fred Narration|

<poem>I'd never seen such hair before!

His bangs, they sang!

His neck, it beckoned!

Eyebrows, armpits, all were reckoned!

Soon I figured, "What the heck?" and --

Guess how I was... naughty...</poem>}}

''[The scene comes back to Courage, being shaved in the sink, howling all the while. We
catch sight of Muriel outside the door, now watching TV. Courage screams, the last bit
of fur shaved from his back paw. Fred drops Courage with a shrug, twirling from
satisfaction. Courage pulls out the wristband, dialing the number and conversing with
the employee on the other end quietly before he gets picked up once again. The scene
changes back to Eustace, now asleep in a movie theater. We catch another glimpse of
Muriel, impatiently tapping her fingers and eyeing her watch, waiting for Eustace to
return.]''

''[Courage is sitting on the toilet, nearly shaven completely. Fred, sitting on the edge of
the tub, beckons Courage, his shaver still buzzing. Courage notices the only fur left
being on his tail, shielding it and yammering in protest. Fred continues beckoning him,
causing Courage to howl in protest once more.]''

'''Fred:''' Sweet pooch, afraid I'll shave your tail? Why no, that would be weird!

''[Sirens wail from outside, Fred closely listening and shutting off his shaver, but his
smile remains. He peers out the windows as van doors are heard being slam.]''

'''Unknown Voice:''' Surround the area! Cut the power, we don't want anyone getting
shaved in there!

'''Fred:''' Ah... So ends our little story...

'''Courage: '''''[Laying exhausted on the toilet.]'' What took them so long?

''[The door is bashed two times before falling on the third hit, two big muscled men rush
in with an orange blanket as the scene goes to black.]''

''[The scene resumes as Fred is lead into the back of a white van by the two men,
restrained by the blanket in a straight jacket-like fashion. The previous "La la la" music
replays in the background.]''

{{L|Fred Narration|

<poem>But then my landlords did presume

to free me from that porcelain tomb.</poem>}}

''[Muriel waves to Fred as Courage stands beside her.]''

{{L|Fred Narration|

<poem>And ferry to a private room

your hero, ever doughty...</poem>}}

''[Fred grins his tooth-bearing smile again.]''

'''Muriel:''' What a lovely visit! Too bad Eustace didn't get to say goodbye.

''[The van starts and drives off, Muriel waving once more to Fred.]''

{{L|Fred Narration|

<poem>Goodbye dear aunt, I'll miss your farm,

and Eustace's ebullient charm.

And farewell, Courage! What's the harm,

if I was slightly... naughty?</poem>}}

''[Courage looks towards behind him, noticing a message on his butt. It reads...]''

{{L|Fred Narration|

<poem>With love, Fred!</poem>}}

[[Category:Transcripts]]

[[Category:Episode transcripts]]