'TIL DEATH DO US PART

Written by

Lena Schorge

Address
Phone Number
INT. GLAMOROUS WEDDING CHAPEL - DAY

A beautiful string quartet rendition of “Here Comes The

Bride” echoes through the pews of a bright, open church.

SUPER: June 1st, 2018

In this giant crowd of sappy looking people, one moping man

stands out. With a scrapped-together look polished off with a
tie he still can’t knot himself, EMERSON TURNER (26) has a
face that evokes the same emotion as seeing a wounded puppy,
and is the definition of a sucker.

Emerson gazes off into a gloomy cloud of daydreams. The seat

next to him is empty.

The doors of the church SWING OPEN. The WEDDING VIDEOGRAPHER

positions his camera toward the doors. Heads shift to the
sound, but are met with a heavy set MAN wearing a bright
rainbow suit and sunglasses.

FLETCHER JENKINS (26), is the man-child equivalent of a

waterpark - supposed to be full of fun but there’s just
something gross about it. Fletcher apologetically gestures
through his LOUD COUGHING ATTACK as he darts to his seat next
to Emerson.

FLETCHER
(strained)
Sorry.

The wedding videographer snaps his focus back to the anxious

husband-to-be.

JEFFERY TURNER (31) annoyedly shrugs off the rude

interruption. He resumes pacing at the altar.

EMERSON
(whispering)
Where the fuck did you go?

Fletcher dips his sunglasses down revealing a puffy pair of

BLOODSHOT EYES.

FLETCHER
(whispering)
Dude, you know I can’t make it
through another one of your
brother’s weddings sober.

Other wedding guests GLARE at the flamboyant man.

 2.

Jeffery WHISPERS something to the string quartet. They

restart “Here Comes The Bride”. Jeffery paints a new smile on
his face and takes his spot back at the altar.

The doors SWING OPEN once more, revealing GRACE (29), the
bride. Jeffery tracks her down the aisle with loving eyes.

Fletcher pulls out a skinny DAB PEN from his jacket pocket
and lifts it to his mouth.

EMERSON
(whispering)
Seriously?

Fletcher pauses before it reaches his lips.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
(whispering)
...You’re not gonna offer me any?

FLETCHER
(whispering)
I dunno, Emerson. You’re the
expert; aren’t there medical
implications to smoking e-
cigarettes?

The two share a HUSHED GIGGLE. An older woman spins around

from her pew in the front to gesture “SHHH”. Aged by years of
torment from this son in particular, GABRIELLA TURNER (61) is
NOT happy.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Uh oh, mommy’s pissed. She’s gonna
take away your GameBoy now and put
you in a time out.

Emerson tightens his mouth as to not laugh.

EMERSON
(whispering)
Shut the fuck up, dude.

Grace and Jeffery hold each other’s hands.

PRIEST
You may now kiss the bride.

The couple kisses gently.

 3.

FLETCHER
(whispering)
Dab-riella is basically screaming
your name right now.

EMERSON
(whispering)
You did not name your dab pen after
my mom.

Grace and Jeffery’s delicate kiss evolves into a ravenous

make out. Emerson averts his eyes, nauseated. Gabriella snaps
a photo on her ancient IPHONE 5. The crowd CHEERS.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Gimme that thing.

Emerson snags the dab pen and hits it amidst the noise. It
conceals his COUGHS. He joins in on the CHEERING.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Damn, Fletcher. This shit is
strong.

Dabriella starts working her charm on Emerson. Grace peels

herself away from her husband, looking woozy. The CHEERING
skids to a halt.

GRACE
Jeff...

The crowd WHISPERS amidst the confusion. The wedding

videographer ensures to capture all of the drama.

GRACE (CONT’D)
Jeff did you eat crawfish before
this?

Emerson blinks his eyes ferociously. Is he seeing this right?

JEFFERY
Well... I was testing out the hors
d'oeuvres, so... yea.

GRACE
(screaming)
JEFF I’M ALLERGIC!

Grace begins BLUBBERING and HEAVING. She starts going into

anaphylactic shock!

The crowd bursts with PANICKED SCREAMS!

 4.

FLETCHER
Two seconds into marriage and
hubby’s already on strike one.

GABRIELLA
(screaming)
SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!

QUEUE SLOW MOTION ACTION SEQUENCE:

Suddenly, Emerson looks like a James Bond. His once Men’s

Wearhouse suit has transformed into full Brioni. He takes a
swig from a MARTINI that has magically appeared in his hand.
Plucks a piece of lint from his suit. He bolts at full speed
towards the damsel in distress.

Crowd members SWOON. Jeffery PLEADS. Emerson is so damn cool.

GRACE’S MOTHER fishes an EPIPEN out of her purse.

GRACE’S MOTHER
Emerson, her Epipen!

Emerson catapults himself over the pews, gliding over the

crowd. Grace’s Mother CHUCKS the medical device his way. He
springs into a jump toward the altar, catching the EpiPen in
mid-air Odell Beckham Jr. style and pops off the safety cap.
With his arm cranked back, Emerson plunges the Epipen into
Grace’s thigh upon his landing!

Grace dramatically falls to the floor. Emerson cradles her

head with a suave-gentleness. He kneels by her side and
places his hands over her chest to begin CPR.

The crowd hangs heavy with tension. No one can tear their
eyes away from the scene.

Emerson puts his lips over Grace’s to fill her lungs. With no
response, he goes back to pumping her heart. Jeffery stifles
a SOB.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Back to Grace’s mouth. Her lips are so... Perfect...

FLASHBACK TO:

INT. RAGING FRAT PARTY - NIGHT

FRESHMEN chugging vodka from plastic bottles. Fake blood.

HOUSE MUSIC. College kids dressed like ZOMBIES making out. A
tan-skinned blonde DOUCHEBAG dressed like a surgeon
SHOTGUNNING BEERS.
 5.

EMERSON (18) has his back glued to the wall. He’s sporting a
damn-near perfect VINCENT VEGA of Pulp Fiction costume. He’s
all alone until...

FLETCHER (18) SLAMS into the wall next to him. He’s wearing
LADY GAGA’S MEAT DRESS. Hammered is an understatement. He’s
got TWO PLASTIC SHOT GLASSES in his hands.

FLETCHER
Drink, for this is my blood, which
shall be given up for you.

They take the shots. Emerson damn near PUKES. Fletcher chases
the vodka by taking a BITE of his dress as he bounces away.
It’s made of real BACON.

FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)

No way.

A poster-girl for Sephora products, this black-bobbed femme

fatale has something lethal behind puppy dog eyes. This is
seductive siren, ANGELINA QUINN (18). And she’s dressed
like... MIA WALLACE.

EMERSON
Uh, Pardon?

Angelina LAUGHS.

ANGELINA
Are people still saying ‘pardon’ or
are you really playing the part?

EMERSON
Your costume... it’s...

ANGELINA
A coincidence finding you, Vincent.
My name is Angelina. But you can
call me Mia if you want.

Emerson almost drools.

EMERSON
Pulp Fiction...is my favorite
movie.

ANGELINA
Mine too.

She whips out a CIGARETTE. Lights it.

 6.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
‘Play with matches, ya get burned’,
huh?

PUFF. Angelina puts the cigarette between Emerson’s lips.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
Go ahead.

A PUFF. Emerson COUGHS. Nicotine reeling. Angelina takes the

cigarette from his mouth.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
First time hitting a cig?

Emerson nods, unable to speak. Face RED.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
Let me make it easier for you. Open
your mouth.

Emerson obeys. Angelina takes a long PUFF. She leans in,

blowing the SMOKE into his mouth. He breathes in.

No coughing. They’re so close now. Short breaths.

Angelina leans in... LIPS MEET...

BACK TO SCENE:

Grace struggles to get Emerson to stop breathing air into her

mouth. Jeff may be on strike 1, but Emerson has made it to
second base - his hands are directly on Grace’s breasts!

EMERSON
(hushed)
Angelina... Angelina...

She launches herself away from his grip.

GRACE
Emerson, Emerson you can stop! I’m
okay!

Grace GASPS for Emerson-less air. This place is a mess.

Ripped BIBLE PAGES float through the air. Pews are toppled.

Emerson, smeared with Grace’s lipstick, looks worse than the

church.

A beat.

JEFFERY
Wow.
 7.

The open air of the church is now stuffy with silence.

Jeffery bites his lip so hard it might come clean off.

JEFFERY (CONT’D)
Med school made little bro a hero!

A LOUD CHEER erupts from all of the wedding guests. PETER

TURNER, 27, leads a thunderstruck APPLAUSE.

PETER
I think Jeff’s wife is the first
girl I’ve ever seen little Emerson
lock lips with!

Guests LAUGH hysterically.

JEFFERY
What class did they teach you how
to do that in?

WEDDING GUEST #1
What does “code blue” mean?

WEDDING GUEST #2
If I have chronic gas, should I get
that checked out?

WEDDING GUEST #3
Can you diagnose this weird mole I
have on my back?

Everyone crowds around Emerson at the altar. He BURSTS from

the stress.

EMERSON
I dropped out of medical school!

The crowd GASPS. They step back, encircling him.

POV: VIDEOGRAPHER’S HANDHELD CAMERA:

EMERSON (CONT’D)
I... Want to be a filmmaker.

Gabriella CACKLES. The crowd is immediately uninterested.

They return to their seats as if nothing ever happened.

QUEUE TITLE SEQUENCE MONTAGE: ‘TIL DEATH DO US PART

 8.

EXT. BEACH-SIDE WEDDING VENUE - SUNSET

- CU on Emerson as he’s perched on an APPLE BOX. He looks

like a REAL MOVIE DIRECTOR. Camera pans out to reveal... His
ANCIENT, SHITTY CAMERA.

EMERSON
And... Action!

- WEDDING GUESTS give him weird looks. This is a wedding, not

a sound stage.

PRIEST
You may now kiss the bride.

- WIND picks up. One by one, BOUNCE BOARDS and REFLECTORS

blow down the beach like tumbleweeds.

WEDDING GUEST #1
Do we really have to hold these?
I’m tryna watch my niece get
married here.

- other WEDDING GUESTS hold onto their bounce boards for dear
life, unable to see the wedding before them.

EMERSON
Shit.

- a bounce board BLOCKS HIS SHOT as the HUSBAND and BRIDE

kiss.

EXT. MILLENNIAL AESTHETIC CHURCH - DAY

- a new HUSBAND and BRIDE hold hands, sharing a look of love.

BRIDE
Matt, I have loved you from the day
we met...

- SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK. The Bride looks down at the

distraction.

- Emerson is being pushed by a FRIGHTENED FLOWER GIRL down

the aisle sitting on a SQUARE SCOOTER (like the ones from an
early 2000s gym class) atop a DIY DOLLY TRACK (it’s just a
ladder).

FLOWER GIRL
(crying)
Mommy? I went poopoo in my pants!

She runs off, CRYING.

 9.

EMERSON
We got a 10-2 on set! Fly in some
diapers.

BRIDE
Who is this guy?

EXT. WOODSY WEDDING VENUE - DAY

- a MIXED-RACE COUPLE exchanging VOWS. Nothing seems to be

going wrong.

HUSBAND
Until death do us part.

- Emerson is atop a LADDER, messing with the WIRING of a

STAGE LIGHT.

EMERSON
Damn thing never works right...

- SPARKING from the light. A SMALL FIRE builds on the wiring.

It catches onto a TREE!

HUSBAND
Oh my God! Fire!!

- WEDDING GUESTS SCREAM!! Everyone deserts the venue.

- LATER, Emerson pans through the footage while DOZENS OF

FIREMEN work to put out the FLAMES behind him.

END MONTAGE.

INT. CAFE - DAY

SUPER: 2 YEARS LATER

Emerson looks around, as if waiting for someone. He’s got his

LAPTOP open to a VIDEO-PLAYER screen.

In walks CLYDE and SUSIE FLEMING, mid 30s and as white and
plain as they come and bubbling from their honeymoon phase.
They sit across the booth from Emerson.

EMERSON
Great to see you again!

CLYDE
We couldn’t be more pleased with
our wedding.
 10.

SUSIE
We actually brought you a slice of
wedding cake as a thank you! We’re
so excited to see the video you
made us.

EMERSON
Why don’t I just hit play then?

He hits PLAY.

ON VIDEO:

INT. BUDGET-FRIENDLY WEDDING CHAPEL - DAY

It’s a cute shot of the Flemings before the cheap altar. The
PRIEST looks like he picked up his outfit from Spirit
Halloween after a hard day of growing a 5 o’clock shadow.

PRIEST
You may now-

The happy couple cuts off the Priest by jumping into their
kiss. It’s. So. Sloppy.

EMERSON (V.O.)
(deepened voice)
In a world, where the dead come to
wed.

IN QUICK B&W CUTS:

- Loving FAMILY

- Spooky Priest.

- FLOWER GIRL accompanied with SCARY LAUGHTER

EMERSON (V.O.)
(deepened voice)
Based on a true story.

Corny HORROR MUSIC kicks in the background.

IN QUICK CUTS:

- Clyde waiting at the altar. The editing makes it look

sinister.

- Susie coming down the aisle. Emerson has edited her face to
look like a ZOMBIE. She looks ugly.
 11.

EMERSON (V.O.)
(deepened voice)
Will Clyde take Susie to be his
lawfully wedded wife? Or will she
take his life first?

Climactic QUICK CUTS:

- ECU of ZOMBIE-SUSIE

- FAMILY MEMBERS with looks of HORROR on their faces

- Random INSERTS of KNIVES, BLOOD and GORE

- CUTS of SATANIC RUNES, PENTAGRAMS, ORGANS

- ending it all with a BLOOD CURDLING (girly) SCREAM from

CLYDE!

EMERSON (V.O.)
(deepened voice)
Watch the horrors unfold this
Summer.

The last shot is of Clyde and Susie driving off in a car that
says: “JUST MARRIED!”. It is SINISTER.

SUPER: COMING TO A FACEBOOK UPDATE NEAR YOU, JUNE 2022

END VIDEO.

BACK TO SCENE

IN THE CAFE, Clyde and Susie are frighteningly silent.

Emerson beams, proud of his work.

SUSIE
Wow, so you really took the detail
about us being horror movie fans
seriously.

Susie WHISPERS something to Clyde. She walks away from the

situation.

CLYDE
Listen, I think we have some
creative differences.

EMERSON
So am I getting paid still or...

Clyde looks around awkwardly.

 12.

EXT. CAFE - LATER

Emerson shuffles through the parking lot. He holds a small

container with a piece of RED VELVET CAKE, careful not to
drop it.

INT. BEAT-UP CAR - CONTINUOUS

Emerson sulks. Atop his passenger seat is the CAKE. He glares

at it for a moment, then snags it into his hands.

EMERSON
This cake better be fucking
amazing.

Emerson lunges for a bite. A WITCHES-LAUGH RINGTONE echoing

from his phone interrupts him from decadent glory. Emerson
JUMPS in his seat. The cake SAILS back into the passenger
seat, frosting everywhere.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
(to himself)
I’m gonna kill him.

The call is from MOM. Emerson HUFFS. He scrapes the cake from
his seat back into its container. It looks like a crime
scene.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Hey ma, look I’m kinda in the
middle of something right now-

GABRIELLA (V.O.)
I’m sure you can take a few minutes
away from filming your silly little
videos to talk to me.

Emerson seethes.

EMERSON
(robotically)
You’re right, Mom. How’s it going?

GABRIELLA (V.O.)
Well, since you’re just so busy you
can barely talk to your mother
anymore, I’ll keep this short.
Peter is getting married in two
months.

Emerson puts his face in his palm.

 13.

GABRIELLA (V.O.)
And though he is the youngest, I
fear he is going to be the last of
my sons to get married considering
I’ve never even seen you bring a
lady home.

EMERSON
I’ll be sure to congratulate him.
Thanks for calling-

GABRIELLA (V.O.)
I’m not finished! I’m getting old,
Emerson. And I’m sick.

EMERSON
Mom, I saw your Facebook status.
You have a cold.

SCREEN OVERLAY:

The Facebook post: Gabriella’s profile picture is her smiling

with Emerson’s 3 BROTHERS (he is cropped out). Her post
reads: “Having a cold while in the heat of California, LOL
what a silly affair! #WineMom #LiveLaughLove #JesusSaves.

BACK TO SCENE:

GABRIELLA (V.O.)
All I’m saying is to find a real
date this time. Emerson, honey, I
can’t have any more family friends
saluting you and that Fletcher-
freak for what they believe is a
progressive relationship. It’s
embarrassing.

Emerson thinks for a moment.

EMERSON
Well that won’t be a problem
considering I’ve actually met
someone. Some girl.

Emerson looks at the LOGO on the cake container.

ON LOGO:

In red text: KILLER TREATS

The logo pictures a beautiful blonde character biting into a

piece of red velvet cake with vampire-like fangs.
 14.

GABRIELLA (V.O.)
It’s cute of you to try, but don’t
bull-crap me. Pardon my French.

EMERSON
Nope, she’s real. She has...

He inspects the logo.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Blonde hair. She loves red velvet
cake. She-

GABRIELLA (V.O.)
Oh, Margaret just got here for book
club night. I gotta grab my Chard.
I don’t care what this missus is
like just bring her to the wedding
and I’ll see for myself.

Gabriella HANGS UP.

DING! Emerson receives a text from MOM. It reads: “BRING THE

GAL, OR U R SHUCKED FROM THE FARMER”.

Emerson makes a confused face. DING! Another text: “WHOOPS!

AUTOCORRECT (laughing face emoji). SHUNNED FROM THE FAMILY.”

Emerson BEATS his steering wheel with fists of fury.

INT. DINGY LA APARTMENT - DAY

Emerson stumbles into his apartment.

His roommate, Fletcher, sprawls across their hand-me-down

couch. He is PACKING A BOWL and scratching his back with a
FORK.

On the TV is a HOME VIDEO.

ON VIDEO:

06/01/2018. A sweaty Emerson kneels before Grace. He gives

sloppy CPR.

EMERSON
(whispering)
Angelina...

Goes in for more of Grace’s lips.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Angelina...
 15.

END VIDEO.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Fletcher, turn that shit off! Turn
that fucking shit off right now!

FLETCHER
(mocking)
Angelina...

EMERSON
How many times a week do you watch
this shit?!?!

FLETCHER
At least 40. I love embarrassing
vids of you.

EMERSON
Shut the fuck up.

Camera gear COLLAPSES off of Emerson’s shoulders and onto the

floor. Emerson just looks at the pile, defeated. He clutches
onto his cake.

FLETCHER
Sounds like today went swimmingly.

Emerson rolls his eyes.

EMERSON
If by ‘swimmingly’ you meant:
‘looks like you would rather drown
yourself than experience a wedding
like that again’, then you’re spot-
fucking-on. I mean, I made them a
sick-ass horror movie trailer for
their wedding video and they hated
it. Why is everyone so vanilla
these days?

Fletcher takes a long rip from his BONG, spraying the smoke
everywhere.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Is there ever a day you’re not a
human fog machine?

Fletcher smirks.

FLETCHER
I’m taking the edge off my
extremely hard day of remote work.
 16.

EMERSON
Speaking of your hard work, I had a
rather fun phone call with my
mother earlier.

FLETCHER
I figured I would program something
more fitting for that wicked-bitch
from the West-side of Pasadena.

Emerson GROANS. Fletcher notices the treat in Emerson’s hand.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Emerson, I will literally get down
on my knees and start praying for a
bite of that cake right now.

A breath.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Fuck praying, I would suck your
dick. I would commit heinous acts
upon you for just a nibble of that
succulent, moist-

EMERSON
Jesus Christ, Fletcher. Fine.

Fletcher runs over to Emerson’s PANT ZIPPER.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
NO FLETCHER! I meant fine you can
have the cake! Jesus, it’s not made
of meth.

Fletcher returns to the couch and PATS the seat. Emerson

obeys. Fletcher plucks a BACK HAIR off his fork. He uses it
to take a bite.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
They didn’t even pay me today. They
literally just gave me this cake.

Fletcher, mid-bite, sees God. His eyes glaze over.

FLETCHER
Emerson.

EMERSON
Well, I mean it’s nice that they
offered me something. It’s better
than half of my other clients-
 17.

FLETCHER
-Emerson. Stop. Get your keys.

EMERSON
Why? What’s wrong?

Fletcher feeds Emerson the final bite. He watches as

Emerson’s face shifts from confusion to pure bliss.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Get up, we’re going.

Emerson and Fletcher scurry like children towards the front

door.

INT. KILLER TREATS BAKERY - DUSK

Emerson pushes open the bakery door with gusto. The bells
CHIME as he and Fletcher enter.

A silky-blonde goddess tosses her hair over her shoulder

while hard at work behind her register. She cake-walks this
bakery floor like its her red carpet. She’s... familiar.

Emerson stops dead in his tracks.

EMERSON
Fletcher.

Fletcher CHECKS OUT the hottie.

FLETCHER
Damn, this bakery’s got all kinds
of cake...

EMERSON
No! Fletcher! That’s... Angelina.

FLETCHER
Wait, that’s the girl who broke
your kissing hymen? Who stole your
first base v-card?

EMERSON
I’m getting the fuck out of here.

Emerson SCOOTS BACK. Fletcher GRABS his arm!

FLETCHER
No. This is not a coincidence. This
is fate.

Angelina looks up. Eye contact. A SMILE.

 18.

ANGELINA
Can I help you two?

EMERSON
I... think so.

FLETCHER
(whispering)
I got this.

Fletcher drags Emerson to the register.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Hold on, Angelina? Is that really
you?

She breaks into a confused grin.

ANGELINA
I feel so bad, I can’t remember how
I know you.

FLETCHER
I swear I met you at a Stanford
party back in like, 2012. It was...
Halloween?

ANGELINA
You were that guy in the Lady Gaga
meat dress! Kids were puking from
the smell of bacon all night.

A memory recalled. She turns to Emerson.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
Vincent Vega.

But Emerson is unable to speak.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
You never called...

EMERSON
I... I tried to. I must’ve put your
number in wrong. But- I tried to. I
still can’t even smell Tito’s
without vomiting.

ANGELINA
It’s been 10 years. I guess I can
get over it.

A joke. A LAUGH.
 19.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
So what brings you in here today,
Vincent?

EMERSON
Well... I shot this wedding a few
days ago and they gave me a slice
of cake, I was wondering if I could
buy a full sized one.

ANGELINA
This was from that Fleming couple
huh?

EMERSON
Yea. How’d you know?

ANGELINA
I don’t get a lot of wedding cake
orders. Plus, you don’t forget a
pair like that.

Emerson’s eyes light up at the recognition.

EMERSON
They were insane. They didn’t even
pay me compensation for bearing
witness to their ‘kiss’. I say
kiss, but it was more like
devouring each other’s faces.

ANGELINA
They’ve got nothin’ on us, huh?

Emerson BLUSHES.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
I’m gonna go grab your cake now.
Don’t run away on me again, okay?

Angelina places her hand on Emerson’s for emphasis. She exits

into the back. Fletcher grabs Emerson by the shoulder.

FLETCHER
Didn’t you tell Hag-riella you had
a real date to Peter’s wedding this
time?

EMERSON
Yea, but I was just lying to get
her to shut up.
 20.

FLETCHER
Emerson, meet ‘real date’
contestant numero uno.

EMERSON
Dude, it’s fucking Angelina. The
one who got away and stayed away.

FLETCHER
She’s not getting away this time.

Angelina struts back into frame holding a GIANT RED VELVET

CAKE. She subtly pulls her V-NECK down...

The door CHIMES in the background. Unnoticed.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Angelina, my pal Emerson here would
like to ask you something-

MALE VOICE (O.S.)

Angelina Quinn.

Emerson and Fletcher spin around toward the deep, velvety

voice. They are met with what might as well be the Ken to
Angelina’s Barbie: GRAYSON DUCHESNE (28). With sun-dipped
hair that shows he spends more time in the daylight than the
operating room, Grayson is a Gray’s Anatomy wet dream.

Emerson and Fletcher part from their spot at the counter like
the red sea. Fletcher snatches the cake.

GRAYSON
Angelina, Angie-Poo, I have a
surprise for you.

Fletcher pulls Emerson to the side. A FLASH MOB of people

burst in through the bakery doors. One of them carries a
JUKEBOX. The FLASH MOBBER #1 SMACKS the play button.

“All of Me” by John Legend echoes through the shop.

FLETCHER
(to Emerson)
You’re seeing this shit too, right?

EMERSON
I swear I know him from somewhere.

Grayson takes centerstage with a CARPOOL KARAOKE MICROPHONE.

He sounds like a singing birthday card on its last limb. The
Flash Mobbers slow dance and spin around to the agonizing
tune.
 21.

GRAYSON
(singing)
My heads underwater, but I’m
breathing fine. You’re crazy and
I’m out of my mind.

EMERSON
(sotto)
When we get home, can you pour acid
in my eyes?

FLETCHER
Maybe Hellen Keller was a lucky
woman after all.

Grayson frolics to the register. Angelina GASPS.

GRAYSON
(singing)
Cause I give you all of me, And you
give me all of you, ooh ooh.

Emerson is speechlessly slack-jawed.

GRAYSON (CONT’D)
Angelina, you make me the happiest
man in the world. Before I met you,
everywhere I went women hit on me.
But you were the one who stood out.

EMERSON
(sotto)
That’s it! Fuckin’ med school.
That’s Grayson Duchesne!

GRAYSON
There really were plenty of fish in
the sea. No really, so many fish.
So many.

FLETCHER
(sotto)
Wait, ‘Gay-son Douche-man’? Oh God.
I remember the stories.

QUEUE FLASHBACK:

INT. MEDICAL LAB - DAY

Barren walls. This place looks like death. Probably because

of the CADAVERS lying before all of the MEDICAL STUDENTS,
prepped to be studied. A YOUNGER EMERSON and YOUNGER GRAYSON
are partners.
 22.

EMERSON
Hey, I’m Emerson.

He reaches a hand out.

GRAYSON
Let’s just get to work, yea?

Grayson manhandles the scalpel. Without reading directions,

he cuts into the flesh of the cadaver.

EMERSON
Shouldn’t we probably read
directions or something-

GRAYSON
I got this, kid.

He methodically pulls out the LIVER and places it on a table

nearby. Emerson’s faces DRAINS OF BLOOD.

GRAYSON (CONT’D)
(sotto)
Queazy? Or are you just a wimpy
little bitch?

EMERSON
(strained)
I just... can’t stand the gore.

Grayson SCOFFS. Clearly he’s unbothered by the gore. It’s

almost art to him.

FEMALE MED STUDENTS get all hot and bothered by this McDreamy
Man. One of them comes up to the pair’s table.

FEMALE MED STUDENT

Wow, you’re really good at this.

GRAYSON
Guess I’m good with my hands.

He FLEXES his fingers. She SWOONS. Emerson cringes. Grayson

stitches up the cadaver with an intimate touch.

PROFESSOR
Wow, Grayson. That’s gotta be a new
record.

A centerfold smile. He knows he’s good.

BACK TO SCENE:

Slightly aged, but all the same douchey charm.

 23.

GRAYSON
And I’m just a boy, standing in
front of a girl, telling her I love
her. So...

Grayson takes a comically large step down to one knee and

passes the microphone off to a Flash Mobber. Another Flash
Mobber hands him a brick of a RING CASE. Grayson snaps it
open to reveal...

A GIANT DIAMOND RING!

GRAYSON (CONT’D)
Will you marry me?

The Flash Mobbers encircle Grayson at the register. Emerson

and Fletcher inch closer to the door.

FLETCHER
(sotto)
I say we make a run for it.

Emerson nods. He places a hand on the DOOR HANDLE.

Angelina SQUEALS at the sight of the ring.

ANGELINA
YES! Of course yes! I will marry
you!

Angelina dashes over to her dashing man in front of the

counter.

3... A hug.

2... A kiss.

1...

CLINK CLINK CLINK! The door CHIMES as it opens. Attention is

back to Emerson and Fletcher.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, I totally forgot! What
was it you wanted to ask me?

Fletcher looks to Emerson. He’s got nothin’.

FLETCHER
My buddy here wanted to ask to film
your wedding for you. Didn’t ya?

EMERSON
Well I don’t want to impose...
 24.

GRAYSON
Wait, I thought I recognized you.
Ange, I went to medical school with
this guy! But you dropped out, yea?
Jerry, right?

EMERSON
My name is Emerson.

GRAYSON
Emerson, I mean if you dropped out
years ago and you’re still doing
wedding vids, let us do you the
favor.

ANGELINA
I want you there. Not just to film,
but as a guest. Let’s make up for
lost time.

A puppy-dog plead.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
All expenses, including you, paid.
And you can bring a plus one.

All eyes on Emerson as he croaks out an answer.

EMERSON
Okay.

INT. DINGY LA APARTMENT - NIGHT

Emerson and Fletcher stand in the doorway of their apartment.

Sounds of PASSING CARS and DISTANT SIRENS are the only thing
to fill the silent air. No one dares to move.

A beat of peace is interrupted.

EMERSON
I’ll drink the battery acid, you
light me on fire.

Emerson RUNS to the couch and buries his head into a cushion.
He howls a MUFFLED SCREAM.

FLETCHER
Alright ok damage control time. As
much as I would love free piña
coladas on private goddamn island,
we gotta get you a real +1. This’ll
be like, a trial run for Peter’s
wedding.
 25.

EMERSON
Fletcher, if I have to face one
more rejection today, there will be
no videographer for that wedding.

FLETCHER
Luckily for you I know a place with
no competition.

INT. THE BACK DOOR NIGHT CLUB, BAR - NIGHT

A slender and elegant WOMAN swirls a straw with long black

taloned-nails around her drink at an empty bar. This club is
by no means barren, but the crowds are drawn to the dance
floor.

In an atmosphere full of chaos, this woman has a noticeable

bite to her. She’s got a serpent’s leer with sharp cheekbones
and an even sharper tongue. This is VALERIE QUINN (29) Choppy
blonde hair and a set of impulsive tattoos show that it was
never ‘just a phase, mom’.

She sips on her alcoholic nectar in a TIGHT WHITE SHIRT.

A MALE FIGURE takes a seat next to her. Valerie’s man-

repelling horse blinders are up.

VALERIE
I already have a drink, thanks.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)

Damn, Val. You tryna turn our
‘sibling bonding’ night into
sibling bondage?

TODD QUINN (31) is as clean cut as they come. Decked head to

toe in the finest fabrics, it’d be easy to mistake this gay
club for Wall Street with just one look at him. There’s just
something disturbingly carnal to his demeanor...

VALERIE
Gross. Leave me out of your
sadistic fantasies.

TODD
Suit yourself. I’d be the only
action you’d get in the depressing
half of your 20’s.

Todd steals Valerie’s drink and swiftly departs. Valerie sits

alone at this empty bar that just got even emptier.
 26.

EXT. THE BACK DOOR NIGHT CLUB - CONTINUOUS

Emerson and Fletcher stand at the front of a vibrant PACK of

every gay stereotype you could fathom. This is a Grindr
breeding ground.

EMERSON
This place is certainly... avant
garde.

FLETCHER
Oh, trust me. You’ll... fit in.

EMERSON
We gotta stay focused tonight,
okay? I can’t show up to Angelina’s
wedding alone. I would rather die.

FLETCHER
C’mon, would I really be the type
to leave you when you need me most?

EMERSON
You really want me to answer that?
Waffle House Diarrhea Disaster, ‘08-

FLETCHER
-Fair. Don’t remind me.

The pair reaches the front of the line. HUGE NEON TEXT above
reads: THE BACK DOOR.

They duck into the club, off to be pieces of a meat to a pack

of vultures.

INT. THE BACK DOOR NIGHT CLUB - DANCE FLOOR - LATER

LOUD CLUBBING MUSIC ricochets through the steamy atmosphere.

Bodies smushed against each other. Standing room only. Skin

on skin on skin. Rubbing, grinding, no air. This dance floor
is a bloodbath of homosexual desire.

There, standing in the crowd rejecting the rhythm of every

movement is none other than Emerson. Deer in the headlights.

Fletcher seamlessly molds into this ocean of jerking bodies.

Emerson yanks him out of ecstasy.

EMERSON
(yelling)
PLAY TIME IS OVER!
 27.

FLETCHER
(yelling)
BUT I LOVE THIS SONG!

The song is unintelligible.

Dragging Fletcher behind him, Emerson squirms out of the

pile. He shoves limbs every which way.

EMERSON
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Finally, a hole near the bar. An oasis in this desert of

fresh air.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Jesus Christ.

INT. THE BACK DOOR NIGHT CLUB - BAR - CONTINUOUS

The bar is still empty. Emerson and Fletcher meander over.

Valerie tunes into the show before her.

Pink light halos a BEAUTIFUL BRUNETTE (late 20s). She’s all

alone.

FLETCHER
Bingo.

Now Fletcher’s the one who’s doing the dragging.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Hi, gorgeous. You’re slaying the
hell out of that getup.

You’d think Fletcher was Tim Gunn the way he’s talking.

BOMBSHELL
Thanks, darling. Is this your
boyfriend?

EMERSON
No, no. I’m straight.

FLETCHER
Yep, this is Emerson. He’s funny,
likes long walks on the beach, and
has the biggest-

Emerson slams his elbow into Fletcher’s side.

 28.

EMERSON
-Camera you’ve ever seen. I’m a
filmmaker.

FLETCHER
(sotto to Emerson)
You can take it from here.

Fletcher departs.

BOMBSHELL
A filmmaker? Please tell me I’ve
seen something of yours on the big
screen.

EMERSON
Well... The biggest screen my work
has ever aired on is probably a
Facebook update. Right now I’m
mostly just doing wedding videos.

A beat.

BOMBSHELL
Oh.

EMERSON
Yea.

BOMBSHELL
I think my friends just got here
actually, nice meeting you though.

She’s gone. Back to square one.

EMERSON
(to himself)
Fuck.

INT. THE BACK DOOR NIGHT CLUB - DANCE FLOOR - CONTINUOUS

Emerson squishes back into the pack. Hands graze every

visible inch of skin. Panicked eyes searching for something
he recognizes. There. Fletcher, swallowed in the belly of the
crowd. Dancing with a Wall Street looking man. It’s heated.

EMERSON
(yelling)
FLETCHER, CAN WE GO?

Fletcher looks back to Todd. Back to Emerson.

 29.

FLETCHER
(yelling)
D CUP!

There are no breasts in sight, but Emerson gets the message.

Gritting his teeth, he exits the suffocating crowd.

INT. THE BACK DOOR NIGHT CLUB - BAR - CONTINUOUS

Emerson takes a seat alone at the bar, not noticing the

gorgeous woman next to him. Valerie schemes.

VALERIE
(deep voice)
Wanna buy me a drink?

EMERSON
(annoyed)
Not interested.

A FEMININE SOUNDING LAUGH. Emerson looks up. Pupils dilate.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Shit, I’m sorry I thought you were-

VALERIE
(mocking)
Not a beautiful, gorgeous, sexy
blonde? I’m terribly offended. You
know what, I think my friends just
got here and are having a life-
threatening emergency.

EMERSON
I must be the angel of death or
something cuz that seems to happen
to every girl I talk to.

VALERIE
I’m sure that girl had a perfectly
good reason to reject you. Like
what if her mom broke both of her
legs? Or her cousin’s dog died? You
never know.

EMERSON
Those would not be firsts for me.

Valerie LAUGHS.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Can I get your name?
 30.

Valerie smiles. She flags down the Bartender.

VALERIE
He’s buying me a vodka martini.
Extra dry. Extra dirty.

Emerson smirks. She’s got confidence.

EMERSON
Well it’s nice to meet you ‘He’s-
buying-me-a-vodka-martini’. That’s
a new one.

VALERIE
Oh that’s my last name. My first
name is Valerie.

EMERSON
Well, Valerie he’s-buying-me-a-
vodka-martini. Why are you sitting
at this bar preying on straight men
all alone tonight?

VALERIE
I came here with my sick-fuck of a
brother. Luckily he ditched me, so
I came to the bar for some peace
and quiet.

Peace and quiet. Oh, the irony.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
What’s your name? You know, just so
I stop calling you ‘that
embarrassing guy who tried to pick
up girls at a gay bar’ in my head.

EMERSON
I’m Emerson. And I had no idea this
was a gay bar.

FLASHES of flamboyantly dressed dancers. Male strippers. Men.

VALERIE
You’re joking right? It’s literally
called The Back Door. Why would you
even stay then?

EMERSON
I came here with my sick-fuck of a
roommate. I can’t leave because we
have this pact.

Valerie LAUGHS. Tension. Attraction deflected with a tease.

 31.

VALERIE
How middle school of you. Do you
guys call ‘going out’ a ‘playdate’
too?

EMERSON
No, no. Just the pact. He called ‘D-
Cup’, which is code for a 4th
degree favor.

VALERIE
I’m gonna ignore how misogynistic
that code system is.

Bartender finishes the MARTINI. Emerson goes to put his CARD

down, but there’s already one there. Valerie smirks at him.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
You’re not what I thought you were.

A beat. The tension becomes a little awkward.

EMERSON
I gotta ask you something.

VALERIE
Shoot.

A stray EYELASH resting on Valerie’s cheekbone. Stalling.

EMERSON
Wait, you have a-

He goes to steal the black fiber from her cheek. It’s a

delicate move. A beat of romantic tension. Emerson brings his
hand down...

SMACK! A misjudgment. A dirty martini that just got a whole

lot dirtier.

Valerie’s tight white shirt is soaked down the front.

Revealing a pair of... D cups.

VALERIE
FUCK! Are you fucking serious?!

Emerson STAMMERS.

EMERSON
Oh my God I am so so sorry let me
just try to fix this I’m so sorry-

He grabs NAPKINS and tries to pat her dry. Only problem is he

didn’t think about his hand placement.
 32.

VALERIE
God, just leave it! Fuck!

She SNATCHES the napkins out of his hands. Emerson is a lost

puppy. Panic. Fuck, fuck, fuck. HEART PUMPING, might burst.

EMERSON
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m-

Fletcher: a beacon of light.

FLETCHER
I think my friend has had too much
to drink here. Let’s go home, yea?

Fletcher escorts his friend out the front (back) door.

EXT. DINGY LA APARTMENT - BALCONY - NIGHT

DISTANT SIRENS. A chaotic world below is nothing but a breeze

up here. Two roommates silently watching everything the light
pollution touches.

Fletcher pulls out a joint. FLICK of the lighter. Warm light,

warmer lungs. Breathe in, breathe out. In, out.

CLICK. Emerson captures a picture of the skyline. It’s

beautiful, even on the dinosaur of a camera.

FLETCHER
You’re gonna shoot that wedding.

EMERSON
Don’t you think the universe is
trying to tell me something about
weddings? Like maybe I should run
away from the concept altogether.

FLETCHER
You’re gonna shoot this wedding and
you’re gonna do amazing.
(beat)
You might have some avant-garde
techniques, but no one has seen
your vision yet.

Fletcher takes the camera from Emerson.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Look at this picture you just took.

EMERSON
Fletcher-
 33.

FLETCHER
No, look at it.

He does.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
You are an amazing photographer.
This is your big break. Your
chance.

EMERSON
I can’t do it.

A beat. Fletcher’s face falls.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Not without you there with me.

A smile shared by best friends.

FLETCHER
Plus one’s for life?

EMERSON
For life.

EXT. MARINA - DAY

SUPER: 3 WEEKS LATER

Luxury yachts line each dock of the Marina. Emerson and

Fletcher seem so small compared to them. Fletcher’s got an
over-sized suitcase so stuffed it could explode. Emerson only
brought a small CARRY-ON and his CAMERA BAG.

EMERSON
All I want is to film these first
wedding events without fucking up.
This could take me from Walmart
wedding budgets to Wall Street.

FLETCHER
And soon enough, every nerd-boy in
all of LA will be packing the
theaters to watch your movies.

Fletcher struggles with his suitcase.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
A hand?
 34.

EMERSON
Did you seriously have to bring Ru
Paul’s entire closet for this trip?

FLETCHER
Hey, I have my own style. And I
spent way more time in the closet
than that guy.

EMERSON
Hard to believe. I just hope you
left the meat dress at home.

FLETCHER
Don’t worry, none of my outfits
have expiration dates. Unlike your
button up, which expired in the
2008 recession.

They stop before the largest boat in the marina. On the side
it reads: QUINNTERSTELLAR. It looks like a spaceship.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Wait Quinnterstellar? Like The
Quinn Family?

EMERSON
What’s the Quinn family?

INT. QUINNTERSTELLAR - DAY

All around, WEDDING GUESTS and YACHT-GOERS are dressed to the

nines. Emerson looks wildly out of place in his Target
trousers. Fletcher fits the vibe.

FLETCHER
They’re filthy rich. Every so often
they make the news, but they stay
mostly under the radar. Angelina
must be one of Marisa Quinn’s kids.
She’s made sure they’ll never see
the spotlight.

EMERSON
Which one’s Marisa?

Fletcher points to a stone wall of a woman standing across

the boat. MARISA QUINN, late 50s, is stone-faced and cold.

CUT TO:
 35.

A MAGAZINE ARTICLE-- a large PHOTO of Marisa Quinn. She is in

a POWER SUIT, but is not smiling. The title reads: “From Gold
Rush to Living Lux - Turning Inheritance into an Enterprise”.

FLETCHER (V.O.)
You’d think the lack of crow’s feet
means she’s loaded on Botox. But in
reality, I just don’t think she’s
ever smiled.

AT A BEACH SUNSET-- Marisa reclines in a beach chair. DAVID

QUINN, a meek looking man, is seated next to her and reaches
for her hand. She SWATS it away.

FLETCHER (V.O.)
David over there is husband and
prenup number four.

BACK TO SCENE

David tends to Marisa’s every need. She gives no recognition.

FLETCHER
And that’s gotta be Shay Quinn.

SHAY QUINN, 50s, stands nearby and is more strung out than
Christmas lights.

CUT TO:

AT A RED CARPET EVENT-- Shay ducks away from the spotlight to

do a quick LINE OF COKE off her ARM.

FLETCHER (V.O.)
Addicted to coke and an undiagnosed
bipolar, she’s got more than a few
screws loose.

Shay is PHOTOGRAPHED with WHITE POWDER spilling out her

nostril.

AT A POLICE STATION-- Shay’s MUGSHOTS are taken. She SCREAMS

at the OFFICERS.

FLETCHER (V.O.)
Luckily bail money has never been a
problem.

BACK TO SCENE

A SERVER carries plates of SHRIMP. Fletcher dives in.

Standing watching the water is GUY QUINN, 40s, Not a thought

in his brain.
 36.

Next to him is elderly MEEMAW QUINN, 80s, aged by her years

in the spotlight and her... less than healthy choices.

FLETCHER
Oh, and that’s Guy Quinn. He was
born around the time Meemaw Quinn
was out of the public and into
rehab. Alcohol, heroin, you name
it. Basically melted her brain.

CUT TO:

AT REHAB BEDROOM-- MEEMAW QUINN, 40s, is MAKING OUT with an

ALCOHOLIC MAN. All around them are empty LIQUOR BOTTLES
stashed underneath the MATTRESS. A CONDOM WRAPPER lies on the
nightstand, UNOPENED.

FLETCHER (V.O.)
They’ve never figured out who Guy’s
father is. Who knew rehab was a
MILF’s playground?

AT A POLO FIELD-- on a TEAM of beautiful BLACK STALLIONS, Guy

is strapped to a PONY. He is SHAKEN AROUND as the pony runs
along the field.

FLETCHER (V.O.)
No one even knows his real name,
that’s why they call him Guy. Not
sure if there’s anything ticking up
there.

BACK TO SCENE

EMERSON
The things you nerd out on scare
me. You need to start seeing a
therapist or something.

Fletcher grabs for another SHRIMP from the platter.

FLETCHER
(chewing)
Where’s the bar?

GRAYSON
Hold your horses, Fatboy.

Sure enough, there’s Grayson dominating the space.

GRAYSON (CONT’D)
The open bar is actually for
wedding guests.
(MORE)
 37.
GRAYSON (CONT’D)
Not wedding pity-invites. You two
can head up to the balcony where no
has to see or...

He sniffs. Vile.

GRAYSON (CONT’D)
Smell you.

EMERSON
Okay, we’re sorry. We’ll just head
up there now.

FLETCHER
No, actually. We’re not sorry. And
you can call us ‘pity-invites’ but
at least we’re not pity-fiancé’s-

Just then, Angelina joins the three.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
-Hey queen!

ANGELINA
Hey guys! So glad you could make
it. You look great, Emerson.

Graysons face sours.

EMERSON
Th-thank you.

ANGELINA
Gray, there’s more people I need to
introduce you to. I’ll catch you on
the island, right Emerson?

EMERSON
Isle-be there.

Angelina LAUGHS at the pun. The couple begins leaving.

GRAYSON
(sotto)
Careful where you step, fuck-ass.

And they’re gone.

EMERSON
So... balcony?

FLETCHER
Did he just call you a ‘fuck-ass’?
He can certainly fuck my ass-
 38.

EMERSON
-Please. Let’s go.

FLETCHER
Fine. But one of these days you
gotta stand up to his shit.

EMERSON
I just wanna survive this trip. I’m
pretty sure that guy would kill me
if I tried. Angelina deserves
better.

FLETCHER
Then I guess we’ll have to show her
what she’s missing.

EXT. QUINNTERSTELLAR - UPPER DECK - CONTINUOUS

Hurricane-grade wind WHIPS at Emerson and Fletcher’s faces.

Only a handful of other BANISHED GUESTS find their place up
here.

An ISLAND comes into view. It’s beautiful.

FLETCHER
You gotta send a picture of this to
Yo Gabba Gabba. Flex on her.

Emerson takes out his phone to snap a pic for MOM. At the top
of the screen: NO CELL SERVICE.

EMERSON
Shit, no service. How far out are
we?

MALE VOICE (O.S.)

We are approximately 127.78 miles
from the mainland.

EMERSON FLETCHER
Jesus! Hot diggity-dog!

This robotic, ominous oddball is UNCLE BARTHOLOMEW, 40s. In

his lap is a tiny, foaming at the mouth GERIATRIC SHIH-POO,
MR. TINKLE. Around it’s neck is a SPIKY SHOCK COLLAR.

BARTHOLOMEW
It is nonsensical to use cellular
devices while lodging on this
island. It defeats the purpose of
enjoying a technology-free
experience.
 39.

FLETCHER
Thanks for the heads up...

Bartholomew sets the dog down.

BARTHOLOMEW
Pardon, I believe Mr. Tinkle here
has to urinate. Quite the bladder
on this one.

FLETCHER
What kind of dog is that thing?

BARTHOLOMEW
Mr. Tinkle is the result of pairing
A shih tzu with a poodle. I watched
them breed myself.

FLETCHER
Oh. That’s fun.

Bartholomew walks the dog away. With the WIND, Mr. Tinkle on
the leash looks like a DOG BALLOON.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
(laughing)
A shit-poo!? Putting a shock collar
on that thing should be a crime.

EMERSON
Which one was that?

FLETCHER
Bartholomew Quinn. I forgot to
mention him. Apparently his wife
died a few years back and he’s
never been the same.

EMERSON
We’re gonna be stuck on a desolate
island with these psychos?

FLETCHER
We can’t let ‘em get in the way of
the mission.

EMERSON
And what exactly is the mission,
Jason Bourne?

FLETCHER
You’re gonna make the most bomb ass
wedding video of all time.
(MORE)
 40.
FLETCHER (CONT’D)
And we gotta get you a date to
Peter’s wedding.

Emerson just watches Angelina below.

IN QUICK CUTS:

--OUTSIDE THE BOAT, Emerson and Fletcher drag their luggage

through the sand to a SECURITY CHECKPOINT. A sign reads: NO
CELL PHONES, NO CAMERAS. ENJOY THE MOMENT! A BIG BURLY MAN
confiscates Emerson and Fletcher’s CELL PHONES.

FLETCHER
There goes my new Hinge profile
pic.

--AT THE ISLAND CENTER, a sign reads: QUINN’S OASIS ISLAND:

YOUR LAST RESORT.

EMERSON
Clever. A little eerie.

--AT CHECK-IN HUT, Emerson and Fletcher retrieve their

ENVELOPE. Emerson opens it to find KEYS to HUT #69 and a
WEDDING VIDEOGRAPHER’S PAMPHLET.

FLETCHER
Hut 69? Epic!

EMERSON
When will your frontal lobe
develop?

--AT HUT 69, Emerson and Fletcher eyeball the ONE BED.

FLETCHER
Dibs.

Emerson reads the PAMPHLET. It reads -- NIGHT 1: BACHELORETTE

BASH.

EMERSON
As long as you join me in whatever
this means.

FLETCHER
Will they let me? Or is this a
videographer’s only thing?

EMERSON
If anyone asks, you’re my AC.
 41.

FLETCHER
Your air-conditioner?

EMERSON
Assistant-camera, dumbass.

EXT. ISLAND CENTER - DUSK

Emerson lugs his CAMERA GEAR accompanied by Fletcher. He is

reading a MAP. They pass by a MEDICAL HUT. PARTY MUSIC can be
heard nearby.

EMERSON
They got everything on this island.
How much money do they even have?

FLETCHER
I’ll bet they have some weird
Epstein bullshit going on behind
the scenes.

Grayson creeps up on them.

GRAYSON
Woah there, no men allowed at the
Bachelorette party.

Emerson opens his mouth to contest.

GRAYSON (CONT’D)
Emer-suck, that means you’re good
to go.
(to Fletcher)
You, however, will have to
entertain yourself elsewhere.

Grayson becomes distracted. AUNTIE SHAY, 50s, is not-so-

secretly doing a bump of COKE from a ring she’s wearing.

GRAYSON (CONT’D)
Auntie Shay!

He runs off.

FLETCHER
Sorry, bud. AC’s off duty then.

Fletcher wanders off to a TIKI BAR nearby. Emerson snags a

WINE COOLER from the bar before continuing on.
 42.

EXT. BEACH-SIDE BAR - NIGHT

Disco balls. A dance floor in the sand. A group OF DRUNK

GIRLS wearing BACHELORETTE PARTY SASHES taking shots of lemon
drops.

Emerson finishes setting up his tripod. Scattered along its

base are a half dozen empty wine cooler BOTTLES. LIGHTING
RIGS illuminate the scene. Everything is visible.

His attention is on Angelina, wearing a very short dress.

ANGELINA
(drunkenly)
Who wants more shots?!

Emerson winces. He drunkenly focuses his camera on Angelina’s

cleavage and begins rolling...

MALE VOICE (O.S.)

You’re under arrest!

Emerson JUMPS and repositions the shot. A group of POLICE

UNIFORM DRESSED men disperse from the WOODS nearby.

MAN #1
For not having enough fun!

They’re strippers.

“GENIE IN A BOTTLE” by Christina Aguilera begins playing.

These Magic Mike looking men parade around the drunk girls.
Angelina is loving every minute of it.

As they dance along to the music, they start to take off

their shirts. Their abs could cut steel. Emerson cringes as
the men single out Angelina.

She is plopped into a chair. The men encircle her. Emerson

steps away from the camera. He clenches his fist.

The men begin GRINDING on Angelina. She SQUEALS.

The grinding gets more aggressive. Angelina playfully SHOUTS.

ANGELINA
Oh my God, stop! Stop! You’re
tickling me!

Emerson takes a step forward. Her chair is not stable. The

men continue dancing. Friends CATCALL and WHISTLE.
 43.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
AAHH!

The men don’t notice. Her chair is tipping...

Emerson makes a run for it. Camera’s rolling. Chair about to

fall.

Emerson catches it at the last minute. Angelina looks up at

her hero.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
(hushed)
You.

The strippers back off. Music continues. Angelina traces a

finger up Emerson’s chin. He PINCHES himself. This is real.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
Dance with me.

The strippers CHUCKLE. Girls HOLLER. One of them changes the

song.

“I’ll Make Love To You” by Boyz II Men plays.

EMERSON
Me?

He looks around to no avail.

ANGELINA
Dance with me, Emerson.

She takes his hand. Guides him before her. He lifts her out
of the tipping chair. Anxiety takes over, but she takes the
wheel.

She spins him around the space. Slow dances to the beat.
Trees are illuminated by the LIGHTS and RUSTLE slightly.

EMERSON
(slurred)
You’re really drunk, Angelina.

ANGELINA
(sotto)
I know what I want.

She POPS OPEN HIS BUTTON DOWN. The girls WHISTLE and WHOOP.
Emerson fumbles to button it back up.
 44.

EMERSON
(slurred)
Let’s just leave that buttoned.

It heats up. Emerson and Angelina stand so close now. So

close he could...

Emerson leans in. Familiar lips touch.

FREEZE.

ANGELINA
Hold on.

A beat. Music stops. Three steps back. A giant mistake.

He turns his back to her. Starts walking away. Sobered up.

EMERSON
I think I actually got enough
footage tonight, so I’ll head out.

Male strippers and bachelorette guests WHISPER among

themselves.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
I didn’t mean that! I’m really
super drunk!

Emerson wraps up his equipment. He notices the camera was

rolling the whole time.

He scatters from the scene along the beach.

EXT. BEACH - LATER

It’s pitch black out here. Nothing but waves lapping on the
shore.

Emerson fusses with the MAP. He’s lost.

EMERSON
Looks like the North Star’s that
way. Or is that just a plane on its
way to LAX.

A BONFIRE is visible nearby. There’s just one figure there

smoking a CIGARETTE.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
I’ll fucking die out here without
help.
 45.

He approaches.

AT THE BONFIRE Emerson holds the map up to his face.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Hey, do you happen to know-

EMERSON (CONT’D) VALERIE

WHAT THE FUCK!? THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?

VALERIE (CONT’D)
‘The Back Door Boob Grabber’? Could
it be?

EMERSON
Oh God. I can’t do this tonight.

VALERIE
You really should not be here. And
I mean that.

EMERSON
Noted.

Emerson backs away, retreating from the pit and into the
darkness.

WALKING ALONG THE BEACH Valerie follows him.

VALERIE
Hey, I can’t let the lost puppy go
off on his own. You never know what
might find you out here.

She catches up to him.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
And I gotta know what you’re doing
here at my sister’s wedding.

Pause. Emerson stops and turns to her.

EMERSON
Sister? Angelina is your sister?

VALERIE
I know. I got all the good genes.

EMERSON
Christ. Can we pretend I never
spilled a dirty martini on you?
I’ve already fucked a lot of things
up tonight.
 46.

VALERIE
What dirty martini?

He smiles at this white flag. A beat. They continue walking

towards the island center.

EMERSON
Why weren’t you at your sister’s
‘bachelorette bash’ thing?

VALERIE
Wow, you must get into some pervy
past times if you were there just
to watch.

EMERSON
She had it on her list of events to
film. I’m just the wedding
videographer.

VALERIE
The wedding videographer...

She goes distant. Another beat.

EMERSON
So, you gonna answer my question?

Valerie becomes hyper aware of their surroundings by the

woods.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
I’m sorry if I pushed, I didn’t
realize it was a sensitive subject.

Valerie ups their pace.

VALERIE
I don’t get along with my family.
Me and Ange... We’re just not close
like that.

EMERSON
Why?

Valerie stops in her tracks.

VALERIE
I thought you were sorry for
pushing?

EMERSON
I don’t know, it just seemed to me
like you were hoping I’d ask.
 47.

VALERIE
Stay out of my head!

She keeps walking. Emerson and Valerie aren’t far from ISLAND
CENTER now.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
Angelina just... She may be
younger, but somehow I’ve always
been living in her shadow. I don’t
know why I’m telling you any of
this, you’re probably just as in
love with her as everyone else.

A pause.

EMERSON
Nah. Not true. Not one bit.

VALERIE
You paused! I knew it! Fucking
hell, I can’t escape it.

They stand in the MIDDLE OF ISLAND CENTER.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
You’re welcome.

EMERSON
For what?

VALERIE
For not letting you die all alone
in the woods tonight.

Valerie starts walking on a different path.

Emerson sulks back to his hut, weighed down by camera bags

and guilt.

INT. HUT 69 - NIGHT

Emerson CREAKS the door of the hut open. Everything is pitch

black. Not a creature is stirring. Emerson TIPTOES over to
his MAKESHIFT BED on the floor. Step. Step. Step...

There’s a GIANT POOL OF RED LIQUID underneath the KING BED.

Fletcher is unmoving.

EMERSON
(whispering)
Fletcher?
 48.

No movement. Emerson’s breath goes shaky.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Fletcher!?

FLETCHER JUMPS OUT OF THE BED!

FLETCHER EMERSON (CONT’D)

WHAT!? AHHHH!

He TURNS THE LAMP ON. The red pool is from a spilled glass of
RED WINE.

Fletcher lies in bed with a HALF-EATEN BAG OF CHEESE-PUFFS.

At the night stand, a (concerning) half full BOTTLE OF
TITO’S.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
I thought you were fucking murdered
or something!

FLETCHER
The only thing that was murdered
was this bottle of fancy-ass
Cabernet Sauvignon.

Emerson DUMPS the camera equipment onto a CHAIR.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Get anything good? Any eye candy
you’d want to replace me as your
‘right-hand plus-one’?

EMERSON
Nope. But there were male
strippers.

FLETCHER
Gimme that fuckin’ camera.

Fletcher steals the OLD CAMERA out of Emerson’s hands. He

WHIPS OUT his LAPTOP. The lock screen is a picture of BRITNEY
SPEARS with the caption: #SAVEBRITNEY. “...Baby One More
Time” begins playing softly.

EMERSON
God, you always play that shit is
now really the time?

FLETCHER
Jeez, calm down! A little Brit
never hurt nobody.

He stops the music.

 49.

EMERSON
I never want to go through that
footage. Like ever. I doubt there’s
anything salvageable for the final
cut.

Fletcher inspects the ancient device.

FLETCHER
You ain’t got a C2G 5m USB cable on
you huh?
(beat)
Fuckin’ course you don’t. Luckily I
come prepared.

Fletcher PULLS OUT a CASE full of TANGLED CORDS. They all

look EXACTLY THE SAME.

EMERSON
Dude, it’s gonna take like all
night for you to find the right one-

FLETCHER
-Got it.

Fletcher holds up the exact right cord out of the PILE. He

connects it to the CAMERA and LAPTOP.

EMERSON
The things you do for half-naked
men.

Fletcher pulls up a SCREEN with the RAW FOOTAGE. He starts

panning through.

ANGELINA (V.O.)
Who wants more shots?!

FLETCHER
Oooh, messy drunk girls make the
world go ‘round.

EMERSON
I can’t live through this again.

Emerson PULLS OUT a pair of CHEAP HEADPHONES from his bag and
CHUCKS them to Fletcher. Fletcher rolls his eyes and plugs
them into the laptop.

FLETCHER
Did they hire these guys straight
outta Magic Mike?

Fletcher makes a ZOOM motion with the keys.

 50.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
You focused like shit in some of
these shots.

EMERSON
Yea, I had trouble focusing.
Clearly.

FLETCHER
Dude...

Fletcher turns the screen to face EMERSON. He pulls out the

HEADPHONES.

ON LAPTOP:

The VIDEO takes up the entire screen. Fletcher is ZOOMED IN

on a frame of Emerson dancing with Angelina. The shot focuses
on the WOODS. Fletcher hits PLAY.

EMERSON
(on video)
You’re really drunk, Angelina.

ANGELINA
(on video)
I know what I want.

EMERSON (O.S.)
(to Fletcher)
I can’t. Why are you making me
watch this?

FLETCHER (O.S.)
(to Emerson)
Zip!

Fletcher SLOWS THE VIDEO DOWN. There, in the woods. A group

of MULTIPLE HOODED FIGURES. They’re carrying what looks
like...

A BODY SHAPED TARP!

Fletcher pauses the video on the clearest FRAME. They’re

silent as they ZOOM IN.

FLETCHER (O.S.) (CONT’D)

Doesn’t that kinda look like...

END VIDEO.

EMERSON
-A dead fucking body?
 51.

FLETCHER
Huh. That’s what I thought too.

A beat. They both open their mouths to SCREAM, but only let
out a SQUEAK before Emerson clamps his hands to cover it.

EMERSON
-Shhhh!

They go quiet. Panicked BREATHING.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Do you know what this could mean?

FLETCHER
(hushed)
We’re fucked?!

EMERSON
No. Somehow, by accident, I
captured the first footage of
whatever the hell is going on here
at this island. And no one else
seems to be panicking. Maybe it’s
only us who knows.

FLETCHER
So? You, me, we’re panicking.
Shouldn’t that be enough to get the
fuck out of here?

EMERSON
No! Fletcher, we have to be sure.
This could be like, the documentary
of a lifetime. One in a million
shot.

FLETCHER
Okay. Fine. Just one shot of pure
evidence, then we’re gone.
(beat)
Can I keep watching the videos of
the strippers to lull me to sleep?

EMERSON
Fine. Just replace the batteries
when you’re done.

Fletcher OPENS THE BATTERY HATCH.

FLETCHER
These fuckin’ things? They’re like
mini C4’s. You gotta get a new
camera.
 52.

EXT. BEACH - DAY

Emerson fusses once more with the MAP. Fletcher HUFFS and
PUFFS from exhaustion.

FLETCHER
Okay Dora the Explorer, we’ve been
walking forever and gotten no
where.

EMERSON
Fletcher it’s been ten minutes. And
forgive me, this place looks a
little different without wine-
cooler tinted glasses.

They come across the BEACH SIDE BAR.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Yahtzee!

Fletcher makes a sour face at Emerson’s choice of vocabulary.

They RUN towards the CLEARING IN THE WOODS.

EXT. BEACHY WOODS - CONTINUOUS

They make it to the spot in the woods where the HOODED

FIGURES were carrying the tarp. There’s a TRAIL of BLOOD
DROPS.

FLETCHER
Guess we’re gonna Hansel and Gretel
this bullshit.

They TIPTOE down the trail.

EXT. DEEP WOODS - CONTINUOUS

This deep in the woods, it almost looks NIGHT. Emerson and

Fletcher approach a CLEARING. They shoot each other a look.
Emerson prepares his CAMERA.

There’s a patch of FRESH DIRT. Emerson and Fletcher creep

closer... and closer...

BARTHOLOMEW
Mr. Tinkle had a catastrophic
mishap last night.

Fletcher and Emerson both YELP. There, standing stiff as a

board behind a bush, stands Bartholomew.
 53.

EMERSON
Oh, our apologies we were just-

EMERSON (CONT’D) FLETCHER

Lost in the woods. Paying our respects.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Paying our respects but we got lost
in the woods.

EMERSON
May he rest in peace.

BARTHOLOMEW
She. May she rest.

A horrifically long and awkward beat.

EMERSON
Alright, well you take care now.

Emerson and Fletcher creep away. Bartholomew stares blankly.

IN THE WOODS Emerson checks to make sure Bartholomew is out

of earshot.

FLETCHER
That was a lot of blood for that
foaming at the mouth rat-dog.

EMERSON
I think Mr. Tinkle was kinda cute.
(beat)
Is it weird that I’m disappointed
we were wrong about this whole
murder island conspiracy?

FLETCHER
A little. I’m never letting you cry
wolf ever again.

EXT. BEACH - DAY

Emerson and Fletcher recline on BEACH CHAIRS drinking PIÑA

COLADAS. Nearby sits Angelina and Grayson. Valerie reclines
alone, reading a BOOK. Emerson is shooting B ROLL of the
oceanic scenery.

FLETCHER
Don’t tell me there’s no one else
on this whole island you would
wanna try to ask out.
 54.

Emerson just SIPS and watches as Grayson starts an

UNINTELLIGIBLE ARGUMENT.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Jesus Christ, still fawning for
‘Tits McGee’?

Emerson has no comment. A HAND clamps on Fletcher’s shoulder.

It’s possessive owner: Todd Quinn.

TODD
Care to join me elsewhere?

Fletcher gives Emerson a look.

FLETCHER
(sotto to Emerson)
Nature calls.

Emerson rolls his eyes as they leave. Grayson SHOUTS louder

at Angelina. He THROWS a CHUNK OF SAND across the beach and
storms off.

Emerson puts his camera down and walks over to where Angelina
is sitting.

AT THE BEACH CHAIRS-- Emerson takes a seat.

EMERSON
Hey, Angelina. I just wanted to say
I’m sorry about last night. That
was completely inappropriate.

ANGELINA
It’s okay. Don’t say sorry. We both
had a lot to drink.

She turns her head towards Grayson, who’s chatting with a HOT
BRIDESMAID now. Gray makes sure the coast is clear, then
grabs the hottie’s hand. The two walk off together.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
I’m sorry about Gray, he’s...
insecure. He heard about the
strippers and started blaming me
for seducing them or something.
(beat)
I don’t know what he’d do if he
knew you kissed me.

EMERSON
Kinda hypocritical of him. You
deserve better than that.
 55.

ANGELINA
I know.
(beat)
Tonight’s the rehearsal dinner. It
means so much to me that you’re
filming all these events.

They hold eye contact for a bit too long. Angelina moves a
TUFT OF HAIR out of Emerson’s eyes. He shifts them over to
where Valerie is sitting alone. A look of subtle longing.

EXT. DINNER HALL - NIGHT

A crisp beachy breeze. Candlelit dinner. Wine flowing. Gold

decorated PLATES. A few tables of CLOSE FAMILY MEMBERS and
FRIENDS LAUGH and CHAT and enjoy their meals.

A TABLE full of all the mentionable Quinns: Marisa, David,

Meemaw, Shay, Bartholomew, Guy, Valerie, Angelina and
Grayson. No Todd in sight.

Emerson gathers GLAMOUR SHOTS of the WINE GLASSES, LAUGHTER,

etc. He stands slightly away from the action. It’s going
well.

MARISA
I just want to commend my dearest
Angelina for being the first of the
next generation to wed. And with
such a... successful young man.
Women in our family have...
struggled to find such.

Marisa takes a long look at Valerie, who takes a hearty swig

of her wine.

VALERIE
Wow mom, was that a toast or did
you just want to single me out?

MARISA
(sotto)
Oh honey, I don’t have to help you
in being single-

ANGELINA
(cutting her off)
-Alright! Thank you mother for the
compliments. I couldn’t be more
grateful for the man I brought here
with me today.
 56.

SHAY
Sweetheart, this is just the
rehearsal. You don’t gotta butter
him up ‘til the real deal.
(to server)
Y’all got any hard liquor here?

The HOT SERVER NODS. She fetches a bottle of GREY GOOSE.

Pours Shay a hefty glass. Grayson WINKS at her slyly.

GRAYSON
I think what Angelina meant to say
is that we couldn’t be more excited
to continue the family legacy
together.

Grayson grips Angelina’s hand and they share a loving glance.

We see his other hand move to graze VALERIE’S THIGH. No one
else notices, but Valerie goes stiff.

MEEMAW
Where the fuck is the meal?

VALERIE
Meemaw, I just watched you gum on a
piece of wagyu for fifteen minutes
straight.

MEEMAW
Damn Nazi’s took my meal.

MARISA
(through her teeth)
Keep Meemaw quiet. She better not
say anything she can’t... take
back.

Marisa takes a glance at Emerson. He gives an awkward yet

confused grin.

MEEMAW
(at Emerson)
You took my meal!
(she approaches)
Why don’t I just slice you up and
offer you to Beelzebub for your
crimes!

EMERSON MARISA
I don’t think I ate anything- Mother, you stay quiet now.
 57.

MEEMAW
With only two days left, you’re the
perfect victim. Video-boy? No one
will remember you.

EMERSON
What is she talking about...?

Emerson’s face is full of terror. Just then, Marisa dumps a

VIAL of POWDER into Meemaw’s drink.

MARISA
Mother, drink.

SHAY
Meemaw says the darndest things!

Meemaw sips. She immediately PASSES OUT. While everyone is

distracted, we see a side comment--

GRAYSON
(sotto to Valerie)
You look amazing in that dress.
You’d look even more amazing not in
it.

VALERIE
(loudly)
I think the food is starting to
make me feel sick!

She stands. SERVERS carry Meemaw’s lifeless body away from

the table.

BARTHOLOMEW
Perhaps a case of Escherichia coli.

Guy is starting to DROOL a little bit. Valerie goes to LEAVE.

ANGELINA
(screaming)
Valerie, sit the fuck back down!

Everyone goes quiet. Angelina’s inner demon pokes out a

little. She quickly regains her sweet composure.

GRAYSON
Your cigarette break can wait.
You’ve got all night for that.

Auntie Shay is POURING the vodka into her wine. Valerie takes
her seat.
 58.

DAVID
I think we all should be more
mindful of our guests tonight.

ANGELINA
David is right. Thank goodness
tonight is just practice. It means
a lot to me to capture the good
moments tonight. So can we all just
take it down a notch?!

Everyone stops talking. Sounds of MUNCHING, SIPPING, awkward

COUGHING. Valerie won’t touch the food.

VALERIE
What a damn wonderful dinner. And
Todd couldn’t even be bothered to
show.

Guy starts MANIACALLY LAUGHING.

CUT TO:

EXT. ROCKY WOODS - CONTINUOUS

Fletcher and Todd make their way through the dark rocky
woods. In between steps, they make-out in rushed desire.

They come across a large BOULDER covering a cave-like

structure.

FLETCHER
Sex in a cave? Time to check that
off my bucket list.

TODD
We’ll check a few more things off
tonight.

Fletcher’s interested. Todd begins pushing the BOULDER to the

side.

CUT TO:

BACK AT THE WEDDING REHEARSAL--

BEEP BEEP! Attention is snapped to Emerson. The noise came

from his camera.

EMERSON
Shit, uhh...

The camera DIES.

 59.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
(sotto)
Damn batteries. Fletcher...
(to family)
Uhh, I’ll be right back. My camera
needs batteries.

He makes a move to LEAVE. Marisa GRABS HIS ARM.

MARISA
It better be the camera, boy. Or is
it something else?

EMERSON
I swear, the camera is actually
dead. Angelina, you would like me
to still film this event right?

She looks around and gives a hesitant nod. Emerson POPS the
old camera off it’s TRIPOD.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
They’re in my hut. I’ll only be a
few minutes. I swear. Will I miss
the toast?

MARISA
Don’t sweat it! It’s only practice.

She shoots the family a look.

MARISA (CONT’D)
You better hurry along then. And
don’t stray off the path. There are
wild animals lurking at night.

Emerson GULPS. He SPRINTS off.

EXT. BEACHY WOODS - CONTINUOUS

Emerson STRUGGLES to HUSTLE through the soft sand. He WINCES

in pain and LIMPS slightly.

EMERSON
Damn blisters. Shoulda gone for
comfort instead of style. Guess
I’ll change when I get back.

He passes by WOODS, SHRUBS, but no signs of life.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
(panting)
Just... a bit... further...
 60.

Running. PANTING. Suddenly...

A BARK!

Emerson stops in his tracks. He looks around. Was he

imagining?

BARK! BARK BARK!

Emerson follows the NOISE.

CUT TO:

BACK AT THE REHEARSAL DINNER--

Marisa holds up a GLASS. DING DING DING! She strikes the side
with a spoon. The other Quinn family members raise their
glasses.

MARISA
Now that the outsider is gone, time
for the real toast.

CUT TO:

BACK DEEPER IN THE WOODS--

BARKING continues. Emerson pushes past BRANCHES and steps

over tree roots.

There. Tied by a ROPE to a nearby tree, is MR. TINKLE.

Panting and vibrating.

EMERSON
Jesus!

Emerson UNTIES Mr. Tinkle. He goes to pick the dog up, but
Mr. Tinkle RUNS DEEPER INTO THE WOODS!

EMERSON (CONT’D)
No! Don’t run!

CUT TO:

AT THE REHEARSAL DINNER--

MARISA
We shall raise this glass to our
fallen sacrifices, for they have
fed us tonight.

FAMILY MEMBERS
(chanting)
Ave Dominus omnipotens tenebris.
 61.

MARISA
For their flesh has kept our
bellies full and their lives have
filled our pockets.

FAMILY MEMBERS
(chanting)
Ave Dominus omnipotens tenebris.

CUT TO:

INSIDE THE CAVE--

Fletcher follows Todd down a deep scary hallway. They

eventually come across a sex dungeon. There’s WEAPONS hanging
from the wall. A POLE. A CAGE. And in the middle, a giant SEX
SWING. It’s like the room from Fifty Shades of Grey on
steroids.

FLETCHER
Oh... sex dungeon was not on my
bucket list.

CUT TO:

DEEP IN THE WOODS--

Emerson follows the old dog. Sniffing along an invisible

trail, Mr. Tinkle is on a mission.

EMERSON
C’mere lil guy!
(beat)
Er- girl!

Mr. Tinkle starts WHIMPERING by a LARGE BUSH. Emerson picks

the dog up.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
What is it?

The dog’s WHIMPERING grows louder as Emerson inches by the

bush. Emerson LAUGHS at the dog, but immediately goes silent.

CUT TO:

THE REHEARSAL DINNER--

MARISA
Two nights remain, there are two
victims yet to be slain. And thanks
to lovely Angelina, the
videographer should make a nice
prize for our final sacrifice.
 62.

Angelina bows her head. Other family members CHEER.

MARISA (CONT’D)
Dark lord, we thank thee for yet
another successful wedding ritual
on this bless’ed island. May the
next generation be filled with the
wealth and fame of Quinn
generations past.

All the family members raise their glasses. They drink.

Valerie looks towards the path where Emerson had left.

CUT TO:

THE SEX DUNGEON--

Fletcher creeps backwards towards the exit.

FLETCHER
You know what, I totally forgot. I
jacked off earlier so I got no
juice in the tank. It’s probs best
I skiddadle...

...Todd presses a CLOTH to Fletcher’s face. Fletcher goes

limp to the ground! He is dragged off screen.

CUT TO:

A CLEARING IN THE WOODS--

Emerson clutches onto Mr. Tinkle for dear life.

A SACRIFICIAL ALTAR. The body of one of the STRIPPERS lies

atop it. BLOOD is pooled. SATANIC RUNES are scribbled across
the body’s arms. EXPERTLY-CRAFTED STITCHES mark the perfect
abs. It’s a horrific sight.

And Emerson. Holding the DEAD CAMERA and a geriatric shih-

poo. No way to document the horrors before him.

EXT. DINNER HALL - LATER

Valerie BITES her fingernail beds. The family wines and dines
themselves.

VALERIE
I better go check on the
videographer, huh?

MARISA
Dinner is not excused, darling.
 63.

VALERIE
It sure has been a long time
though. What if he found something?
We can’t risk anything right?

Marisa looks at David. He’s a brick wall. Then she shoots

Angelina a look, but is met with a furious blue-eyed glare.

GRAYSON
Are we sure this isn’t code for a
smoke break? Or maybe we’ve moved
on to bigger and better things.
Maybe you’ve raided Meemaw’s
fentanyl stash.

VALERIE
(sotto to Grayson)
Is that why you’ve been eyeing me
down all night? So you could
diagnose me?

Angelina hears this. We see her walls break slightly.

GRAYSON
On second thought, I think we’ve
all had enough of a damper on our
evenings.

ANGELINA
You should go, Val.

Angelina GRABS Grayson’s hand, but can’t steal his gaze away
from her sister.

VALERIE
Have fun digesting that human
flesh.

Valerie stands to exit.

SHAY
You’ll warm up one day, sweetheart.
It’s in your nature.

Valerie never turns to face her family. She just keeps on

walking.

INT. HUT 69 - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Emerson CREAKS his Hut DOOR open. Mr. Tinkle resides inside
of his button-up away from sight. She WHIMPERS softly.
 64.

Emerson closes the door behind him. He KICKS OFF HIS SHOES.
His heels are pretty blistered-up. Emerson SNAPS OFF Mr.
Tinkle’s shock collar and pockets it.

EMERSON
Dog’s shouldn’t wear shock collars.
Especially not ones with one paw in
the grave.

He drops Mr. Tinkle onto the ground. She immediately starts

TINKLING onto his foot. Emerson just stares, unmoved and
blank.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Guess that’s how you thank me.

On the TABLE: The CAMERA BATTERIES. Gigantic and in plain

sight, exactly where he had told Fletcher they’d be.

Emerson stares at the batteries. Then at his foot. Then at a

PILLOW on the bed.

Emerson takes the pillow into his hands. He looks at it for a

second. He then PRESSES IT full force onto his face and
SCREAMS. It barely makes a peep.

Emerson picks the old dog up. In his other hand, a GIANT WINE
GLASS left by Fletcher. He steps toward THE BATHROOM--

INT. HUT 69 - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

It’s pretty luxurious for a hut. Emerson FILLS THE GLASS with
some sink water.

Mr. Tinkle is plopped onto the floor. She LAPS from the wine
glass.

PLOP! The bag of cheese puffs is now an appetizing meal for

Mr. Tinkle.

INT. HUT 69 - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Emerson SNATCHES the batteries into his hand. He quickly

replaces the DEAD ONES for the NEW ONES in his CAMERA,
POCKETING the old ones. He slings it’s strap over his neck.

He stands at the door way, unmoving. In his eyes, light tears

well. His neck strains.

Emerson’s hand slowly meets the door handle. With a breath of

confidence, he’s opened it.
 65.

CREAAAAAAAAAKKKK!

EXT. HUT 69 - NIGHT

Emerson stands in the open doorway met by a cool ocean

breeze. He looks to his path. Now or never.

He takes the leap of faith and makes his first step. CRUNCH!
Emerson’s whole body stiffens.

Carefully, Emerson lifts the sandy foot. There, wedged in his

flesh is a JAW BONE, teeth still attached!

Emerson SCREAMS!-

-but is cut off by a BLACK-TALONED HAND. It’s owner: a hell-

bent Valerie.

VALERIE
Don’t make a sound.

Emerson has TERROR in his eyes.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
Don’t make a sound and I’ll remove
my hand.

Emerson gives a look: what the fuck? Valerie shoots him a I’m
serious glare. Emerson NODS slightly. Valerie unclamps her
slender hand.

EMERSON
There is a mandible sticking out of
my planta pedis.
(beat)
I thought I failed medical
terminology?!

He looks like he’s about to scream once more.

VALERIE
Don’t you fucking dare scream.

It’s not working. Emerson is HYPER-VENTILATING now.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
You... stupid baby boy. Crying for
mommy. Well, she’s not coming. And
she probably doesn’t love you
either way.

Emerson looks offended and confused.

 66.

EMERSON
So you’re not a scare-tactic kinda
gal, more like a let’s-unpack-
family-trauma-as-a-means-of-
distraction one huh?

VALERIE
It’s totally working. Now hold
still while I rip the son of a
bitch’s last words right out of
your pathetic little foot.

She leans towards his foot.

EMERSON
NO!

Valerie SHUSHES him.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
No, I mean. You can’t just rip it
out. I need... proper tools to
clean it. There’s...

Valerie SHIFFS. She RETCHES.

VALERIE
Did you piss your pants?

EMERSON
NO!
(correcting his volume)
No, it was the stupid dog.

Valerie’s eyes open wide.

VALERIE
You found Mr. Tinkle? What else did
you find?

EMERSON
Just help me get to the medical
tent right fucking now.

INT. MEDICAL TENT - CONTINUOUS

Emerson SPRAWLS along the singular MEDICAL RECLINER. His

CAMERA dangles around his neck, jostled with each movement.
The room is DIMLY LIT and cluttered with SHADOWED OBJECTS.

Emerson HUFFS and PUFFS in pain. Valerie PACES, ready to

help.
 67.

EMERSON
(frantic)
I’m gonna need you to get me a tool
that kinda looks like pliers.

Valerie SIFTS. She finds the PLIER-LIKE tool.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Wait, wait. First, I need like...
rubbing alcohol.

Valerie searches to no avail. Time’s-a-tickin’.

VALERIE
Fuck, fuck I can’t find anything.
We have to be quick or my family’s
gonna wonder why this is taking so
long.

EMERSON
Fuck it. Run back to my tent,
Fletcher left a bottle of Tito’s on
the night stand.

VALERIE
Tito’s? We have every type of
alcohol on this island and he chose
the Tito’s?

EMERSON
He likes the taste of bad college
mistakes. Grab my shoes too. Hurry!

She’s gone only a few seconds. Then she’s back, TITO’S and
all.

VALERIE
Oh, God. I can’t even smell it.
I’ll start throwing up all over the
place.

EMERSON
I’m the same way. Give it here.

He takes the BOTTLE. He takes a GIANT BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

Valerie does the same. Then he unscrews the cap and POURS the
VODKA over his foot. His CHEEKS BALLOON UP as his strains to
hold his breath.

Emerson pours the vile liquid over the PLIERS. There’s not
much left. Emerson looks like he’s about to PASS OUT. His
face is so red. So is Valerie’s. He struggles to find the
cap.
 68.

He finds it next to him on the recliner. He’s struggling to

PUT IT BACK ON! He struggles some more when...

...FINALLY, the cap is ON.

Emerson and Valerie HEAVE for AIR.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
(panting)
Okay, now I just have to carefully
remove the bone...

He places the pliers over the BONE. Even just TOUCHING IT the
blood drains from his face.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
(strained)
I can’t. Valerie, I’ll pass out.

VALERIE
Are you saying I should?
(beat)
You’re saying I be the one to
remove this jaw bone from your
fucking foot?

Valerie looks FREAKED. Then, a wave of STOIC CONFIDENCE

washes over her face.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
Scalpel.
(beat)
I mean- pliers.

PLIERS meet her palm.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
You better not fucking say a word
you wimpy little bitch-

-Those words. They’re enough to distract Emerson while THE

BONE IS YANKED OUT OF HIS FOOT!

BLOOD SPURTS EVERYWHERE!

VALERIE (CONT’D)
Make a peep and I’ll jam this up
your sorry little ass!

Her tactic is working. Emerson’s not even making a sound,

he’s so distracted by her harsh words.
 69.

EMERSON
Alright, let’s get back to the
rehearsal.

He jumps to his feet. He HOWLS with pain.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
There’s still fragments in there!
Quick, I need tweezers!

Valerie throws shit around the space, searching.

VALERIE
Can’t see shit in here, goddammit.

She fumbles for a LIGHT SWITCH. She flips it ON.

The lights flicker as they awaken their bulbs. Slowly,

everything becomes illuminated.

Emerson’s fading in and out from the gore of his foot, but
his surroundings come into focus. SKULLS. ORGANS. MEDICAL
TOOLS with CRUSTED BLOOD ON THEM. It looks like a Jeffery
Dahmer dreamland.

EMERSON
What the fuck!? Oh my God, oh my
God, they’re sacrificing the bodies
and taking out the organs oh God-

Valerie SLAPS him.

VALERIE
Pussy!

Valerie quickly spots a TWEEZER.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
You might have to take the reins on
this one. I don’t even tweeze my
own eyebrows.

EMERSON
Well, if I look at the damn thing
I’ll fucking faint!

A beat. He looks down at his neck, and the camera slung like
a necklace.

VALERIE
Hold it together Emerson!
 70.

EMERSON
Wait! If I just look through the
viewfinder, it’ll feel like I’m
just watching some sick movie
instead of living in this fucked up
reality.

VALERIE
You sure have a weird mind.

EMERSON
I need both hands for this, so hold
the camera up to my eye for me.

Valerie lifts the ancient device. Emerson places his right

eye over viewfinder. It really does look like a horror movie.
He hovers the needle above his wound. It looks like it’s in
the right position.

All of the sudden, Emerson’s a pro. He digs into his foot and
PLUCKS OUT tiny BONE FRAGMENTS. He works at a lightning pace
and barely seethes from pain.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Quick, find gauze.

Valerie spots the gauze, it’s just out of arm’s reach. She
dips the camera too low, and now Emerson is faced with the
reality of the gore once more. He starts to slip UNCONSCIOUS.

VALERIE
Shit!

She sloppily WRAPS THE GAUZE around his foot.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
Get up!

But Emerson’s barely there.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
Okay, Cinderella.

Valerie shoves his SHOES on his feet. She lifts him out of
the recliner with all her might. Luckily, Emerson’s a smaller
fellow. She slings his arm over her shoulder and trudges out
of the hut, SMACKING the light switch off on her way out.

EXT. DINNER HALL - LATER

Valerie continues supporting Emerson up with her arm. The

whole dinner party goes silent at their entrance.
 71.

Emerson’s hair is tussled. Valerie looks disheveled. They’re

both PANTING.

Valerie makes a game time decision. She PLANTS a sensual KISS

onto Emerson’s lips. It feels so real. But it’s a facade.

VALERIE
Same time tomorrow, yea?

She SMACKS Emerson’s ASS and takes her seat at the table.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
So, what’d I miss?

Emerson limps over to his camera to his post. Valerie pulls

out a CIGARETTE and starts smoking it at the table.

GRAYSON
Really Val? You just had to go and
fuck the film guy?

VALERIE
(sotto)
Jealous?

Shay looks over at Emerson, whose silence is a bit eerie. His

eyes look strained and bloodshot. Sweat collects at his
forehead.

SHAY
He looks a little, shellshocked.
What did you do to him, honey? I
gotta take some notes. Be sure to
include every position.

VALERIE
Let’s just say I never pegged him
for that kind of guy.

Angelina CHOKES on her drink.

ANGELINA
Jesus, Valerie. You’re disgusting.

VALERIE
Please, Angelina. We all know you
have a real hankering for eating
ass.

Valerie NUDGES Angelina’s plate of meat towards her sister.

MARISA
Girls! Enough!
 72.

Marisa makes sure Emerson is at a far enough distance to be

mostly out of earshot.

MARISA (CONT’D)
(sotto)
So... are we all clear then?

VALERIE
(sotto)
Yes, Mom. I put my whore mouth to
good use for once and sealed the
deal. For all he knows, this resort
just got even sweeter.

MARISA
(sotto)
Well then, I have two daughters to
commend for their seduction
tactics. Bravo.

Closing in on Emerson as his bulging eyes squeeze shut.

MATCH CUT TO:

INT. HUT 69 - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Emerson’s eyes spring open. Emerson clings to his BLANKET.

Eyes peeled at the ceiling. Hyper focus into the blackness.
WHIMPERING. Mr. Tinkle starts LICKING Emerson’s face.

RUSTLING outside. Emerson SNAPS his head to the sound.

Must’ve been the wind.

Emerson glances at Fletcher’s GIANT MESSY SUITCASE on the

floor. Untouched since he last saw it.

EMERSON
Ditching me for dick on the one
night I need him. Of course.

Emerson shakes. Terrorized.

CREAAAAKKKKKKKKKK! Emerson huffs a SIGH of relief.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Jesus, Fletch, I haven’t seen you
all day.

Emerson sits up. He PULLS A LAMP STRING. The room becomes

illuminated.
 73.

Valerie FREEZES in place by the door. Emerson ejects a sexual-

sounding YELP.

CUT TO:

INT. SHAY’S HUT - CONTINUOUS

Shay, smoking a cigarette, overhears the YELP and RAISES a

GLASS of whiskey.

CUT TO:

INT. HONEYMOON HUT - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Grayson ENTERS the Honeymoon Hut. He looks toward the FRONT

DOOR in reaction to Emerson’s YELP. A little too deep in
thought.

GRAYSON
That sister of yours just can’t get
enough, can she?

ANGELINA
I don’t know why you care so much.

GRAYSON
I guess I just don’t like the
thought of her playing with our
food.

Grayson joins Angelina in bed. She embraces him tight. He

gives a cold shoulder. Angelina pushes. She presses her lips
to his. He SHAKES HER OFF.

GRAYSON (CONT’D)
Not really in the mood.

ANGELINA
Seriously? We agreed to both sleep
in here tonight so we could make
love. You insisted!

GRAYSON
Sorry, but removing organs and
dissecting corpses all night kinda
ruins the vibe.

ANGELINA
So that’s where you were all night?

A horrendous beat.
 74.

GRAYSON
Yes.

Angelina does not push further. She knows.

CUT TO:

INT. HUT 69 - BEDROOM - A MOMENT LATER

Emerson CATCHES HIS BREATH. He takes a moment...is she here

to kill me???

EMERSON
Okay, Valerie. Please don’t kill
me. I’ll do whatever you want.

He bows his head down.

VALERIE
I’m not gonna fucking murder you.
Do you forget that I saved your
life earlier?

A beat. Emerson nods in agreement, lowering his defenses.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
That’s what we need to talk about.
First tell me what you saw.

EMERSON
I was running to grab my batteries
and I heard some barking. It
sounded just like Mr. Tinkle, but
the thing is I visited her grave
earlier in the day.

VALERIE
Bartholomew...

EMERSON
Yea, so obviously I was curious.
And then when I found her...

Emerson BLINKS away the memory.

VALERIE
What was there?

EMERSON
It was one of the strippers.
Completely butchered on a satanic
altar.
 75.

A loaded beat.

VALERIE
So you saw.
(beat)
There’s some things you need to
know about my family.

EMERSON
Aren’t they your blood? I bet
you’re just on the edge of your
seat to sink a blade into me too
then huh?

VALERIE
No! Emerson, I swear. I’m probably
the only person you can trust on
this island.

She places a tender hand on his shoulder. It’s a moment.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
It all started 170 years ago or so.
It was right before the California
Gold Rush. A storm was brewing.

FADE INTO:

EXT. DESOLATE CALIFORNIA RANCH - DAY

Flies BUZZ. Air blows peacefully through greenery. COWS and

HORSES free graze among the plentiful grass. A STREAM bubbles
nearby. A storm RUMBLES in the distance. California at a
simpler time.

SUPER: CENTRAL CALIFORNIA, 1842

Country boy JEDIDIAH QUINN, 25, chews at the dip in his

cheek. Blemished skin and sun dried, it’s clear he spends all
his days at the ranch before them. With his labored hands, he
holds a pair of delicate ones.

This is his pregnant bride-to-be, MAJORIE, 23. In a dramatic

POOFY DRESS, she’s almost too pretty to believe she’s from
1842. Then, she smiles and beams her rotten teeth. Now it
makes sense.

In the audience are some other busted family members and

friends, all seated in rickety wooden chairs. PAW QUINN, 50s,
trims his MUSTACHE with a RAZOR.
 76.

PAW QUINN
Jedidiah, do you take this here
female to be your lawf’lly wedded
housewife?

JEDIDIAH
Well shoot, Paw, of course I does!

VALERIE (V.O.)
My great-great-great-great grand-
pappy, Jedidiah, married his wife
Marjorie in the summer of 1842.

PAW QUINN
Margie?

MARJORIE
I does.

They clash their rotten teeth together for a kiss. WHOOPS and
HOLLERS erupt from the crowd.

MOOOOOOO! An ANGRY BULL ROARS as it tackles Marjorie! The

toole of her dress is tangled in the BULL’S HORNS. She grips
them as she is dragged away, feet off the ground.

JEDIDIAH
Paw! That gosh darn bull just
‘napped my wife!

PAW QUINN
Get em!

Paw and Jedidiah chase after the bull. It’s charging towards
the stream!

VALERIE (V.O.)
Moments after the I Do’s, a bull
charged ‘ol Marge. Carried her into
the river.

STORM CLOUDS rush in. The audience panics.

MARJORIE
(screaming)
Jeddy!

The bull finally stops before the stream, sending Marjorie

flying into the water. She hits her head on a LARGE ROCK.

JEDIDIAH
My wife!
 77.

VALERIE (V.O.)
Her head hit a rock on the stream-
bed. They say she died on impact.

JEDIDIAH
The baby!

Paw runs into the water wielding his RAZOR. He dives under.

JEDIDIAH (CONT’D)
Paw can’t swim!

Jedidiah dives into the stream.

A tense, horrific beat. Then, Jedidiah resurfaces, holding a

bloody NEWBORN BABY!

VALERIE (V.O.)
They cut the baby right out of
Marjorie. While she was dead. The
next Quinn generation had to live
on.

Jedidiah passes off the baby to a FAMILY MEMBER. He dives

back down. He comes back to the surface with the BLOODY ROCK.

JEDIDIAH
This here rock killed my woman!

He CRIES OUT.

FAMILY MEMBER
Jed, we gots to get out of here!
Storm’s-a-brewing!

Jedidiah wipes the blood off the rock, CRYING. Beneath the
blood, something sparkles. Something... GOLD!

JEDIDIAH
Wait a gosh darn minute, does this
kinda look like...

VALERIE (V.O.)
They looked deeper into the stream
while removing the bodies. It was
there that they found tons and tons
of gold.

Jedidiah JUMPS out of the stream, CACKLING with joy. Family

members judge his sudden shift in mood, then realize what
this means for them.

JEDIDIAH
We’re rich! We’re rich!
 78.

Family members celebrate. CRACK! Lightning strikes one of the

family members!

VALERIE (V.O.)
5 more people died that day, 7 in
total. But the Quinn family was
literally transformed from rags to
riches.

FADE INTO:

INT. HUT 69 - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Emerson stares.

EMERSON
Alright.
(beat)
So where does the satanic worship
stem from?

VALERIE
Apparently Jed had been a satanist
his whole life, praying to the
devil for some gold or riches. When
all the chaos happened, he believed
Satan was rewarding him for the
sacrifice of his wife and family.

EMERSON
Oh. Christ. That’s fucked up.

VALERIE
What’s more fucked up is that now
any time someone in this family
gets married, they believe 7 people
have to die in these rituals in
order to keep the wealth.

EMERSON
So every one of you? Even Angelina?

Valerie looks away for a second, hurt by Emerson’s attention

to her sister.

VALERIE
The golden child isn’t so golden.
You can’t trust her Emerson.

He looks down, rethinking everything.

 79.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
Emerson, you’re the only one with a
camera out of everyone who’s ever
been brought to this island. Have
you caught anything? You’re the
only hope to take my family down. I
mean, the power and wealth, the
only threat would be hard video
evidence.

She glances to the camera sitting atop the dresser.

EMERSON
Uhhh... I’m not sure if it
qualifies as substantial evidence,
but there’s some dirt in there.
(beat)
My turn for a question: how many
people have died this week here?

VALERIE
5 so far. But Emerson, don’t worry.
I’m not gonna let anything happen
to you.

Valerie stares into his eyes, sending home her truth. He

stares back. She leans in quick, kissing him. It’s fast.

A beat. They both breathe deep now. A barrier has been

broken.

Emerson lunges in, hungry for more. Valerie straddles him on

the bed. Limbs are tangling in a starving desire.

The LAMP clicks off. In darkness, we hear desperate breaths.

FADE INTO:

INT. HUT 69 - BEDROOM - LATER

Tucked underneath the comforter, Valerie’s head resides on

Emerson’s chest. Each sport a gentle smile. They listen to
the WAVES CRASHING nearby.

EMERSON
Val?

VALERIE
Mhmm?
 80.

EMERSON
There’s something I’ve been meaning
to ask you since I spilled that
martini on you.

VALERIE
You keep mentioning that, but I
have no idea what you’re talking
about.

They both LAUGH SOFTLY.

EMERSON
Come on.

Emerson NUDGES her.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
If we make it outta here alive, I
want you to be my date to my
brother’s wedding.

She beams.

VALERIE
I’d love to.
(beat)
Wait you have a brother?

EMERSON
Who said you were the only one with
a crazy family?

They LAUGH and cuddle closer.

FADE TO BLACK.

INT. HUT 69 - BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING

Twisted sheets. Lumps of blankets and pillows make it

impossible to see the bodies. Bright light streaming through
the windows. A morning in paradise.

Emerson stirs. He lifts his messy tufts of hair.

EMERSON
Mornin’. Had a great time last
night.

No response.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
I didn’t pin ya as a heavy sleeper.
 81.

He nudges the lumps of blankets and pillows. Still no

response. He lifts the comforter. No Valerie to be seen.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Or the type to leave without saying
goodbye...

Suspicious. Emerson darts his eyes to the dresser where the

camera was. It’s GONE.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
That bitch!

EXT. QUIET BEACH - DAY

Valerie sips on a fruity COCKTAIL, enjoying the peace and

quiet.

SMACK! A hand on her shoulder.

EMERSON
Give me my goddamn camera. Using me
for my body just to get my footage?
That’s low.

VALERIE
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.

EMERSON
You know what? Sell me out to your
family. I don’t care. But that
camera is all I have to my name.

VALERIE
(hushed)
Look, yes I took your stupid
camera. I wanted to try and get
some more footage of the crimes to
help us both out, okay? But I don’t
know how to use the damn thing. It
might as well be prehistoric.

EMERSON
Why do you want the footage so bad?

VALERIE
You think I want anything to do
with these psychotic rituals? My
family is messed up, Emerson. I bet
my brother is torturing an innocent
man in his sex dungeon as we speak.
 82.

EMERSON
Your brother? Like the one I
thought my friend Fletcher was
having a little island fuck-fest
with?

VALERIE
Oh God.

EXT. ROCKY WOODS - DAY

Emerson and Valerie stand near a rocky cove. A large BOULDER

blocks the entrance to a cave-like structure.

EMERSON
This it?

Valerie nods towards the scattered BONES and SKULLS tucked

under some soil. Emerson takes the note.

Valerie PUSHES against the boulder. Emerson joins her. They

strain with all their might, and eventually it budges. It’s
just enough space to squeeze into the cave.

INT. SEX DUNGEON - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Dim warm lights decorate the eerie hallway walls of the cave.

FLETCHER (O.S.)
(singing “...Baby One More
Time” by Brittany Spears)
Oh baby baby, how was I supposed,
to know.

EMERSON
(hushed to Valerie)
Fletcher! That’s him!

TODD (O.S.)
(distant)
Pipe down, plumpie. No one can hear
you here.
(beat)
You’ve been marinating long enough.
Time to prep your beef.

Emerson and Valerie make their way towards the light.

“...Baby One More Time” by Brittany Spears kicks in as

Fletcher sings in time.
 83.

AT THE SEX DUNGEON, Emerson and Valerie hide behind the rocky
wall. There Fletcher is, tied up in a SEX-SWING CONTRAPTION
at the center of the cave. He is stripped down to his
underwear. Todd, decked out in LATEX CHAPS, sharpens a
CLEAVER.

EMERSON
(hushed to Valerie)
What do we do?

VALERIE
(hushed)
Distract him.

FLETCHER
(singing)
My loneliness, is killing me...

Emerson rounds the corner, revealing himself.

EMERSON
(singing)
...And I...

Fletcher perks up at the sound of his best friend’s voice.

His hero. Todd is shocked and curious. Valerie creeps around
the corner, out of sight.

FLETCHER
(singing)
I must confess, I still believe!

EMERSON
(singing)
Still believe!

The words of the song start to have more meaning.

FLETCHER
(singing)
When I’m not with you I lose my
mind...

EMERSON
(singing)
Give me a signnnn...

FLETCHER EMERSON (CONT’D)

(singing) (singing)
Hit me baby one more time! Hit me baby one more time!

CRUNCH! Valerie KICKS TODD IN THE BALLS. He SCREAMS in pain.

His cleaver slips out of his hand.
 84.

The music crescendos. Movements are choreographed to the beat

of the song. Todd hops to his feet.

...Emerson CLAWS at the sex swing to free Fletcher. There are

so many knots.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
This is officially topping the
Waffle House Diarrhea Disaster.

FLETCHER
We are never talking about this
again.

...Todd GUT PUNCHES Valerie. She stumbles. Todd takes the

upper hand. He violently KICKS at her side.

From across the room, Emerson notices. His hands are off the
knots and meet their weapon: a BALL GAG, red and shiny.

...Emerson SNAPS the ball gag around Todd’s mouth. Todd

CHOKES. Emerson STRUGGLES to maintain leverage. Valerie
crawls up to her feet, HUFFING.

Fletcher WRITHES in his swing.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
You’re just gonna leave me hanging?
Literally?

Valerie SEIZES the cleaver. She CHUCKS it at the rope

attaching the sex swing to the ceiling. The rope SNAPS.
Fletcher CRASHES to the floor. Cleaver stuck in the wall.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Sweet mercy!

...Todd has now THROWN Emerson off of him. Todd GRABS the
cleaver from the wall. He SLASHES down at Emerson. It’s a
near miss. Emerson’s dead meat now. Todd SLASHES again-

...but Valerie SWINGS herself around the stripper pole,

coiling her legs around Todd and twisting him to the ground.
Cleaver CLANKS at the floor. Emerson CATCHES HIS BREATH.

EMERSON
Are you a fucking ninja?

SNAP! Fletcher has found a whip. He CRACKS it at Todd’s back.

Todd GROANS in pain. Then in ...delight. Fletcher DROPS the
whip, horrified by Todd’s reaction.

FLETCHER
I’m gonna puke.
 85.

...Todd BOLTS at Fletcher, TACKLING HIM into a TROPHY CASE OF

DILDOS. Then, Todd SPANKS FLETCHER’S ASS repeatedly. Fletcher
SCREAMS. Dildos RAIN onto the floor.

Valerie and Emerson give each other a look. The run towards
Todd. The music CLIMAXES. Todd looks like he’s about to as
well...

Todd sees them from the corner of his eye. He GRABS two IRON
DILDOS. BANG! They collide with Emerson and Valerie’s faces.
It’s a hard hit.

Now all 3 are BLUBBERING and on the ground. Todd picks up the
cleaver into his hand, wielding it above Fletcher. It looks
like there’s no hope.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
At least I’ll finally get to meet
Leslie Jordan.

EMERSON
No!!!

Beaten and bloodied, Valerie POINTS at a DOG WHISTLE hanging

from the wall. Emerson has an EPIPHANY. He fishes something
out of his pocket...

...MR. TINKLE’S SHOCK COLLAR! He GRABS the whistle and SLIDES

the collar over to Valerie.

Todd INCHES THE CLEAVER DOWN. Fletcher squeezes his eyes

shut.

SQQQUEEEEAAAAAKKKK!! The whistle.

Todd perks his head up like a dog. He tilts his head to the
side and WHIMPERS. Then, Valerie’s behind him...

SNAP! Mr. Tinkle’s shock collar is around Todd’s neck.

Emerson’s got the REMOTE. He SLAMS the SHOCK button down.

BUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZ! Todd is immobilized.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Back! Get back, dog!

Todd WHIMPERS. Emerson and Valerie PUSH him into the small
CAGE. Todd curls up, PANTING like a dog. Fletcher peels
himself off the ground.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
This is weird as shit.
 86.

FLETCHER
Now I know why he was so insistent
on doggy style.

VALERIE
Oh. Gross.

...Valerie SNAPS a pair of PINK FUZZY HAND-CUFFS around

Todd’s wrist. The other cuff is around a bar of the cage. He
is LOCKED IN.

FLETCHER
Let’s get the fuck out of here.

EMERSON
Wait.

All 3 stop. So does the music. Is something wrong?

EMERSON (CONT’D)
(to Fletcher)
Can you please put some clothes on
first?

VALERIE
Todd should have some extras lying
around.

EXT. ROCKY WOODS - CAVE - A BIT LATER

Emerson and Todd strut out, sporting Todd’s pricey suits.

Emerson finally looks like his James Bond fantasy.

EMERSON
What the hell do we do now?

FLETCHER
We gotta get the hell off this
island.

VALERIE
Not possible. They’ve got people
patrolling the ferries at all
times. We won’t be able to get off
this island until tomorrow along
with everyone else.

EMERSON
Shit, that’s right. The wedding is
tonight.
 87.

VALERIE
And they’re gonna be expecting you
to film it.

FLETCHER
Nuh-uh. No way. I’ve almost died
enough times this week.

EMERSON
Fletch, I have to. And I have to
try and shoot more evidence against
the Quinns if we have a shot at
taking them down.

Fletcher takes a step towards Emerson.

FLETCHER
Triple D-cup.

Valerie puts her face in her palm.

EMERSON
No, Fletcher. Not this time.

FLETCHER
Seriously? Emerson you don’t care
about ‘taking them down’. You just
wanna make some hot shot
documentary so people actually know
your name for once.

EMERSON
Dude, I just saved your fucking
life. Lay off. Maybe I do want some
fame in this world, why do you
care?

FLETCHER
Because I want to live, Emerson! I
want to make it off this island!

EMERSON
So you can go home to your remote
job? Fletcher, I think you forget
I’m your only friend.

VALERIE
Guys! Stop!

Valerie inserts herself between the pair.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
Look, the smartest thing to do is
film this wedding.
(MORE)
 88.
VALERIE (CONT’D)
We have to lay as low as possible.
(to Emerson)
But yes. If we can get some more
dirt on my family then everyone
wins. The final ritual is tonight,
so it’s pretty much our last shot
to get them in action.

EXT. MAIN BEACH - DAY

The main island beach has been dressed up and decorated in a

luxurious fashion. White ribbons deck the pews. The sun rests
perfectly low in the sky. Palm trees sway. It’s paradise.

Valerie sits with the rest of her FAMILY in the pews.

Standing up at the ALTAR is Grayson, waiting for his bride.
He gives Valerie a lustful look. She shrugs it off.

Fletcher stands behind the pews behind a PALM TREE and SMOKES
from his dab pen.

FLETCHER
It’s always just me and you at
these things, Dabriella. Just you
and me.

Emerson’s at his vantage point. He appears stoic and

confident. His camera focuses on the shot before him.
Everything looks perfect.

Grayson turns his gaze directly into the lens. It’s

petrifying. Emerson holds his ground. No fucking up the shot
today.

Shay’s TWO DAUGHTERS bound down the aisle. They messily CHUCK
flowers left and right. Clearly it’s a competition. The
BRIDESMAIDS shuffle in. Each one beaming and beautiful.

Some of the family members begin WHISPERING to one another.

Valerie turns her head towards Emerson. She mouths: “Where is
Angelina?”

A few moments later, she’s there. Looking a bit disheveled,

Angelina wears a traditional but extravagant WEDDING DRESS.
Bright red lipstick. David’s attached to her arm.

AT THE VIDEOGRAPHERS POST, Fletcher continues smoking behind

the palm tree. He glares at Emerson, still pissed.

BARTHOLOMEW
(to Emerson)
I smell her urine on you.
 89.

Emerson GASPS, terrified.

“Here Comes the Bride” begins playing. It’s Deja Vu. But this
time, Emerson’s shot is perfect. He tracks Angelina down the
aisle. Through the camera, her upset facial expressions are
clear.

MARISA
There’s my beautiful angel child.

AT VIDEOGRAPHER’S POST, Emerson keeps his shot together. He

begins silently panicking.

EMERSON
What was that, Bart?

BARTHOLOMEW
I can detect Mr.Tinkle’s tinkle
from anywhere. The aroma is
comparable to a fresh open bag of
Frito-Lay. Peculiar, seeing as I
tied her in the woods.

EMERSON
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.

Fletcher pockets his dab pen and joins the two.

FLETCHER
Whose to say he didn’t piss
himself? Or didn’t enjoy a classic
golden shower from yours truly?

BARTHOLOMEW
(quiet rage)
You took my baby.

Emerson pans the camera through the chaos. He positions the

shot at Grayson, who isn’t looking at his future bride. He is
staring her sister dead-on. Back to Angelina, who is looking
at Valerie as well.

AT THE ALTAR, David lets his daughter go. He gives her a

look.

DAVID
(sotto)
It’s all up to you now.

David nods at Grayson, who breaks eye contact with Valerie to

receive the message. Then it’s just Angelina, Grayson, and
the DARK MINISTER.
 90.

DARK MINISTER
Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here today to witness this man and
woman join together in holy
matrimony.

AT THE POST, Bartholomew evolves his expression into

something bone-chilling.

BARTHOLOMEW
And seeing as you looted my
darling, you have witnessed what
occurs in the woods.

FLETCHER
Wait, wait wait. You got no idea
what you’re talking about.

AT THE ALTAR, Grayson pulls out a NOTECARD.

GRAYSON
I take you, my sexy Angie-poo, to
be my lawfully wedded wife.
(beat)
Uhh, I promise to love you
unconditionally, blah blah to
support you in your goals, to honor
and respect you, you get the point.

He looks up and gives the audience a DAZZLING SMILE. HE’s not

even looking at Angelina. She takes a moment. A horrific beat
passes.

ANGELINA
Grayson Duchesne,
(dramatic beat)
ditto.

Awkward beat. Was that what she was supposed to say?

DARK MINISTER
Alright then, carrying on.

A SNOT NOSED Guy acts as RING BEARER. Stumbling down the

aisle, he’s a bit old for the job but gets it done.

DARK MINISTER (CONT’D)

If anyone should object this
marriage, speak now or forever hold
your peace.

AT THE POST, Emerson and Fletcher begin sweating with terror.

 91.

BARTHOLOMEW
You have uncovered what it is we do
here, I presume. Well that just
won’t do.

Emerson frames the shot excellently, pushing through his

shaky hands. He prepares for the kiss. Bartholomew strolls
away from the post, making his way to Marisa in the audience.

FLETCHER
(to Emerson)
We are absolutely fucked. Emerson,
I love you man. I’m sorry I said
that shit to you earlier.

EMERSON
I love you Fletch. I couldn’t do
this with any other plus one.

Emerson focuses the shot through teary eyes. No fucking it up

today. Valerie looks at her feet. Angelina just stares at
Grayson, who continues to stare at her sister.

Bartholomew stands next to Marisa now, who looks up at him

confused. Emerson and Fletcher hold their breath, ready for
what’s coming. Marisa looks over at them, tears in their
eyes.

DARK MINISTER
With the power invested in me, I
now pronounce you man and-

ANGELINA
-No.

Every single person stops what they’re doing.

GRAYSON
(sotto)
Uhh, what was that, shawty?

ANGELINA
I can’t. I-

On autopilot, Angelina steps down from the altar.

MARISA
(through her teeth)
Ange, what in the devil’s name are
you doing?
(to Grayson)
Kiss her! Seal the deal!
 92.

And then Angelina’s running. Wedding guests GASP. The Quinn

family CRY OUT and PANIC. Emerson tracks her with his camera.

EMERSON
The one fucking time I actually
have everything in focus.

Bartholomew tries to get a word out, but Marisa is at her

feet.

FLETCHER
Emerson, we gotta scram. If we have
any shot of living, now’s the time.

Valerie takes the distraction to join the pair by the trees.

VALERIE
I don’t know what’s happening, but
I know where they’re going. Follow
me.

Fletcher gives Emerson a pleading look. Emerson responds by

looking over at Valerie, whose face is saying c’mon!

DAVID
(to audience)
Everyone remain calm! Bride’s get
cold feet all the time.

Valerie takes off in the same direction as Marisa and

Angelina.

Bartholomew spins to return to the videographer’s post, but

no one is there.

EXT. DEEP WOODS - CONTINUOUS

Angelina runs as fast as she can. Her heels are slowing her
down. She RIPS THEM OFF. Marisa is not far behind.

A BIT BEHIND, Emerson, Fletcher and Valerie run through the

dense greenery.

EMERSON
I think we lost them.

FLETCHER
Why are we even following them?

VALERIE
We can’t miss this opportunity.
Shut up and keep following me.
 93.

They continue creeping through.

EXT. DEEP WOODS - CLEARING - CONTINUOUS

Angelina stops before the altar, which has been cleared of

any bodies. She’s SOBBING at this point. Marisa meets her
there.

MARISA
What the fuck has gotten into you?
You’re ruining everything!

ANGELINA
The way he looks at her...

MARISA
What are you fucking talking about?

Emerson, Fletcher and Valerie arrive at the clearing. They

hide behind the trees. Emerson’s got the camera rolling on
Marisa and Angelina.

ANGELINA
Gray. I can’t...

MARISA
What’s going on sweetheart?

ANGELINA
Gray and Valerie. The way he looks
at her, he’s never looked at me
that way. I know he’s hooking up
with others on the side, but it
can’t be her.

A beat. Maybe Marisa will understand.

BEHIND THE TREE, Emerson looks to Valerie, who just looks

stone-cold ahead.

VALERIE
(hushed to Emerson)
He sure has tried. Fucker won’t
leave me alone. But trust me, I
don’t want to star in an episode of
Grayson’s Anatomy.

SLAP! A hand across Angelina’s cheek.

MARISA
Do you expect me to sympathize with
you right now?
(MORE)
 94.
MARISA (CONT’D)
I couldn’t give less of a shit
about your intimate insecurities.
Do you know what you have done
tonight?
(beat)
Everything this family has been
fighting to preserve for the last
170 years could all come crumbling
down tonight because of you. No
wedding equals no ritual tonight.

ANGELINA
It’s just a lot of pressure...

MARISA
The five who we’ve sacrificed this
week have fed us until this point.
But what will Lucifer think of us
if we don’t serve him the final two
souls?

ANGELINA
I’ve been doing my part until this
point!

MARISA
(raising her voice)
You are gonna get yourself together
as soon as we’re done here and
marry that douchebag one way or
another. Then, we’re all meeting
here at midnight to slow roast the
videographer and his boyfriend in
that bull over there.

Tucked behind some trees is a terrifying GIANT BRONZE BULL

STATUE. It resembles the bull from the flashback.

MARISA (CONT’D)
If you don’t, it’ll be yours and
Grayson’s asses in there. ‘Til
death do you part’.

IN SOME TREE BRUSH NEARBY, Grayson watches the situation

unfolding. He turns his attention to where Emerson, Fletcher
and Valerie are standing. He grins sinisterly and advances.

BACK TO EMERSON, who looks to Valerie, betrayed. Fletcher’s

eyes bug out. Camera continues rolling.

EMERSON
(hushed to Valerie)
Us? We’re the last two sacrifices?
Why didn’t you warn us?!
 95.

VALERIE
(hushed to Emerson)
I didn’t want to freak you out.
That’s why Angelina invited you
here. You two were always supposed
to be the last sacrifices. I’m
sorry, Emerson.

She turns away.

ANGELINA
Okay, I’m sorry. Let’s just get
back.

Angelina and Marisa start to leave the clearing.

EMERSON
(hushed)
We gotta get outta here.

Emerson shifts his foot. His bad foot. He steps on a large

TREE ROOT. He YELPS.

Marisa and Angelina SNAP their heads to the sound.

MARISA
You.

Emerson and Fletcher are caught dead in their tracks. But

Valerie is already gone.

FLETCHER
Emerson. Run.

The two take off as fast as they can.

EXT. WOODS - CONTINUOUS

Emerson and Fletcher HUFF and PUFF as they run for their
lives.

EMERSON
(in between breaths)
I’m...a bit slower...because... I
hurt my foot...

FLETCHER
Last time... I ran this hard... was
running the mile... In PE class...

MARISA (O.S.)
(nearby)
Stop running! It’s pointless!
 96.

Emerson spots it first: a FALLEN TREE creates a dark cover.

EMERSON
There! Let’s go!

They run over to it.

UNDERNEATH THE TREE-- Emerson and Fletcher catch their

breath. They HEAVE.

BARTHOLOMEW (O.S.)
(nearby)
Sister, the videographer. He-

MARISA (O.S.)
He just filmed a private
conversation I had with Angelina in
the woods. Alert the others - the
ritual is being moved up. There may
be no wedding, but we’ll give Satan
his final sacrifices. We need
everyone looking for him and the
gay one. They will not leave this
island with that evidence, or their
lives.

BARTHOLOMEW (O.S.)
I shall inform them.

Emerson GASPS.

EMERSON
We’re done for.

A sweet, familiar voice.

ANGELINA (O.S.)
Emerson? Emerson are you out there?

Emerson looks to Fletcher.

FLETCHER
(hushed to Emerson)
Didn’t Valerie say Angelina was bad
news?

ANGELINA (O.S.)
(calling out)
Look, if you’re out there, I know
what Valerie probably told you.
Emerson, I need you to know she’s
lying. All those years ago, that
Halloween party...
(MORE)
 97.
ANGELINA (O.S.) (CONT'D)
ever since then I haven’t been able
to stop thinking about your lips. I
left the altar for you.

Like a siren’s call, Emerson inches out of the hideout.

Fletcher grabs his arm to stop him.

FLETCHER
(hushed)
Emerson, I don’t know who to trust
anymore.

EMERSON
(hushed)
Maybe Valerie was lying the whole
time. She left us right when things
got sticky. Maybe it’s been
Angelina all along.

They crawl out of the hideout.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Angelina? I’m over here!

They meet in the clearing.

ANGELINA
Emerson? Thank God you’re alive.
(beat)
And you too...

FLETCHER
...Fletcher. The name’s Fletcher.

MARISA (O.S.)
(getting closer)
I can smell that videographer’s
fear. He can’t be far now.

ANGELINA
Quick, we gotta get out of here.

The two follow her out of the CLEARING and back INTO THE
WOODS.

INT. HONEYMOON HUT - A BIT LATER

Emerson and Fletcher HEAVE for air in Angelina’s hut. She

peeks out the window.
 98.

EXT. HONEYMOON HUT - CONTINUOUS

POV: THROUGH THE WINDOW

Outside the hut, MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY scatter in the island

center.

DAVID
(through a megaphone)
Alright! Everyone remain calm!
There is a pack of wild wolves in
the woods. It is too dangerous to
stay here. Please make your way to
the dock and get on the ferry for
your own safety!

Shay and David exchange a look. Neither of them budges to get

to the ferry.

ANGELINA (O.S.)
Looks like everyone’s leaving
except for the immediate family.

INT. HONEYMOON HUT - CONTINUOUS

Emerson and Fletcher share looks of terror.

ANGELINA
We might be hiding out for awhile.
Can I get you guys something to
drink? I only have-

FLETCHER
Can I have a Mai Tai please?

ANGELINA
-a bottle of champagne and tap
water.

FLETCHER
Oh. Champagne’s cool then.

ANGELINA
Celebratory champagne it is then.

Angelina leaves the room.

FLETCHER
Maybe we will make it out of here.

EMERSON
Maybe. And I still have my camera
too.
 99.

He looks at the prized possession around his neck.

Angelina returns with THREE CHAMPAGNE FLUTES.

ANGELINA
Cheers. To a hell of a wedding.

They CLINK their glasses together.

FLETCHER
Ooh, this is strong.

EMERSON
...really strong...

The world starts to go dark. Angelina SMILES WIDE, finishing

her glass.

ANGELINA
Night, night, Vincent Vega.

FADE TO BLACK.

EXT. WOODS CLEARING - NIGHT

Emerson BLINKS his eyes awake. The setting before him comes
into focus. Blurred splotches sharpen.

EMERSON
Angelina... Angelina...

Fire CRACKLES. Emerson turns his head to the noise. Long

torches burn with bright flames. Emerson realizes he’s tied
down.

FLETCHER
Emerson? That champagne hit like a
bitch.

Next to him on a second ALTAR lies Fletcher. Encircling the

pair are the Quinn family members, each wearing a long BLACK
ROBE. Valerie and Todd are missing from the group.

MARISA
There is only five minutes to
midnight. Angelia, where are those
siblings of yours? You know we
cannot do this without them.

ANGELINA
I’m not sure, mother. Haven’t I
done my part? I brought our
midnight snack.
 100.

MARISA
When are you going to start taking
this seriously? You know they’re so
much more than that.

Emerson and Fletcher’s eyelids flutter awake now.

MARISA (CONT’D)
Ahh, they rise. Gather ‘round
family, you know fear only adds to
the flavor.

SCREAMING and GRUNTING can be heard in the woods nearby. Todd

emerges, pulling Valerie in by her hair. She looks scratched
up.

VALERIE
Todd let go! Let go!

TODD
After what you did to me? I’m
holding on.

MARISA
Where the hell were you two? We
only have a few minutes!

TODD
I grabbed this one while she was
watching you and Angelina in the
woods. She and those two pricks
messed me up pretty good earlier in
the dungeon-

MARISA
-I don’t need all of the dirty
details. Just get your robes on. We
have to begin immediately.

Emerson watches Valerie with a pained stare. Behind her eyes

is guilt and shame.

MARISA (CONT’D)
Shay, preheat the oven.

Shay smirks. She pulls out a BOX OF MATCHES and strikes

one...

...to light a CIGARETTE. She puffs. Then she strikes another

match and drops it onto a FIRE PIT. Above this fire pit
stands the METAL BULL.
 101.

EMERSON
(sotto)
Fletcher, I think this is really it
this time.

Valerie and Todd take their places around the altars, wearing
their appropriate robes. Valerie cannot look up.

FLETCHER
(sotto)
If I gotta die this young at least
it’s with you, buddy.

ANGELINA
It’s time.

MARISA
First, dear Emerson, I want you to
watch me closely.

Marisa retrieves his CAMERA from behind a nearby tree.

MARISA (CONT’D)
I understand this is quite valuable
to you, no?

Emerson subtly nods his head behind tears.

MARISA (CONT’D)
You see, this would be quit
valuable in the hands of anyone. I
understand you have captured a lot
of evidence against us in here.

She plays with the ancient device.

MARISA (CONT’D)
And that just won’t do.

She tosses the camera into the FIRE!

EMERSON
No!

FLETCHER
It’s okay dude. I’ll buy you a new
camera in heaven.

MARISA
Now that that’s settled, it’s time.

She gestures her hands to the family members. Guy, David, and
Bartholomew untie Emerson and Fletcher from their ALTARS.
Their hands remain bound.
 102.

Emerson wriggles out of the family’s grip. He SPRINTS away as

fast as he can. SMACK! Grayson has PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE.

GRAYSON
You didn’t think it would be that
easy, did you Emersuck?

Emerson is scooped right back into the hands of the Quinn

family members.

Emerson is led to a LADDER before the giant bronze bull.

Valerie stands restless in place. She makes a game time

decision. She VIOLENTLY SHOVES Bartholomew out of the way. He
hits the ground. She’s about to swing at David...

...but GRAYSON GRABS HER FROM BEHIND!

GRAYSON (CONT’D)
This one’s been a little naughty.
Should we toss her into the bull
too?

MARISA
Tie her up. She needs to be alive.
And she should watch.
(to Valerie)
How upsetting you two couldn’t have
gotten married first. Maybe then
your star-crossed love would have a
longer story.

Grayson drags Valerie away, SCREAMING. Bartholomew and Guy

regain control over Emerson and lead him up the LADDER to a
small DOOR to the inside of the bull.

DAVID
In you go.

Emerson accepts his fate. He enters the bull.

INT. BULL - CONTINUOUS

The space is just enough to squeeze two people in. Crouching

his head down, he hugs his knees. Fletcher PLOPS down next to
him. The both of them watch as the DOOR closes.

Below their feet is a small hole. The flames and smoke are
outside.

FLETCHER
Rest your eyes upon the very last
glory-hole we’ll ever see.
 103.

Emerson gives a grief-filled smirk.

EMERSON
Plus ones ‘til death do us part.

FLETCHER
Wait a minute.

Fletcher has an epiphany. Emerson gains hope for a few measly

seconds. The bull starts to heat up. Sweat begins beading at
the pair’s foreheads.

EMERSON
What? Do we have a chance out?

Fletcher fishes around in his pocket. He retrieves his DAB

PEN.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Yes! Fletcher you’re a genius.

FLETCHER
I know! Maybe we won’t feel it as
much if we get absolutely faded.

A beat.

EMERSON
No I was thinking we would blow
smoke out of the hole and maybe
trick the Quinns into thinking
we’re already roasting alive. Like
maybe they’d open the door and let
us out, thinking we’re dead.

FLETCHER
That’s not a bad idea.

Emerson snatches the dab pen and pulls with all of his might.
He blow a smooth SMOKE TRAIL through the hole. He comes up
coughing.

EMERSON
It’s too hot. I can’t stay down
there long.

FLETCHER
It’s only getting hotter in here.
We’ll take turns.

Fletcher takes the pen.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Dabriella never fails.
 104.

He repeats the process, sucking and blowing the smoke out of

the bottom.

EMERSON
Is it working? Can you hear
anything they’re saying?

OUTSIDE OF THE BULL--

QUINN FAMILY
(chanting)
Satanas benedicat hoc sacrificium
finale...Satanas benedicat hoc
sacrificium finale...

Valerie notices the smoke coming out from the bottom of the
bull.

MARISA
Satan has taken these two final
souls in no time. The sacrifice is
near completion.

VALERIE
(tears in her eyes)
Emerson...

INSIDE THE BULL--

Fletcher puffs with all his might.

EMERSON
How will we know what they’re
doing?

FLETCHER
We might be goners.

And just like that, the dab pen slips out of Fletcher’s
sweaty fingers. It falls through the hole in the bottom of
the bull. Fletcher watches as it hits the fire.

Once it enters the flames, a tiny BLAST of fire spurts from

the source.

EMERSON
Well, I’m definitely faded now.

FLETCHER
The battery... It hit the fire and
exploded.

Emerson’s fading in and out now.

 105.

EMERSON
I don’t feel so hot.
(beat)
Ignore my wording choice.

Fletcher’s deep in thought.

FLETCHER
Maybe if we had bigger batteries we
could make a bigger explosion.

Emerson’s face lights up. He reaches into his pockets. Sudden

realization hits.

OUTSIDE THE BULL--

MARISA
Guy, Bart, go retrieve the
sacrifices so Angelina can have the
first bites. Everyone else, prepare
to dig in.

Guy and Bartholomew nod and make their way up the ladder. Guy
prepares to open the trap door. Angelina

INSIDE THE BULL--

Emerson takes his hand out of his pocket to reveal THE OLD
CAMERA BATTERIES. They’re giant, but just the right size to
be dropped down the hole.

EMERSON
Think this’ll work?

Fletcher inspects the batteries.

FLETCHER
These things are ancient. Basically
Lithium-ion bombs.

Emerson drops the batteries through the hole.

FLETCHER (CONT’D)
Fire in the hole!

Just as he does this, the trapdoor of the bull UNLOCKS.

The batteries collide with the fire. Emerson and Fletcher

give each other a short look.

BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!
 106.

The fire EXPLODES in a blazing inferno.

FADE TO BLACK.

EXT. WOODS CLEARING - NIGHT

Vision fades back into view. Fire ROARS. Emerson blinks his
eyes open. He is out of the bull and lying in a patch of
blackened grass.

The clearing looks as though a meteor crash-landed to the

surface. Where the fire pit once was is now a black crater.
The BRONZE BULL has tipped over, revealing the open trapdoor.

EMERSON
Fletcher!

Bartholomew and Guy scurry away from the scene. The woods
BLAZE violently.

DAVID
We gotta get out of here! The
entire forest will burn!

Valerie, tied to the tree, picks at her ropes. Her face has
become ASHY, but she remains mostly unscathed.

Emerson stumbles to his feet. He wobbles.

MARISA
David! Let’s go!

Marisa and David run out of the burning forest as fast as

they possibly can.

VALERIE
Mom! Dad!

They don’t stop to help their daughter. They just keep

running.

Emerson sees Valerie struggling. The fire inches closer to

her. He scrambles over to help.

EMERSON
Hold still.

Emerson takes a BURNING BRANCH and uses it to light the KNOT

binding her hands. She WINCES and WHINES in pain for a few
seconds, but then the knot POPS OFF.

Fletcher GROANS in a patch of grass nearby the bull.

 107.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Fletcher!

Valerie finishes freeing herself. She and Emerson hustle to

where Fletcher is lying.

Fletcher’s face is cut up pretty bad.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Oh my God I thought we lost you for
a minute there.

Emerson gives his best friend a giant hug of relief.

A rope snakes around Valerie’s neck. She CHOKES and BLUBBERS

as the rope drags her backwards.

ANGELINA
Two people still need to die
tonight. The rules never stated
they couldn’t already be in the
family.

Angelina’s face has become horrifically DISFIGURED from the

fire. One of her EYES is missing and half of her face is
blackened from burns. Her wedding dress is half incinerated.
Emerson audibly GASPS.

Emerson runs over to grab Angelina’s arms. She holds tight to

the rope around Valerie’s neck.

EMERSON
Angelina, let go!

Angelina’s grip is ironclad. Valerie struggles for oxygen.

Valerie throws an ELBOW into Angelina’s side. This causes her
to release the rope for just a moment long enough that
Valerie gets the upper-hand.

Valerie spins around and frees herself from Angelina’s

chokehold. She KICKS Angelina down to the burning ground.

ANGELINA
(screaming)
You’ll never win! You’ll never win!
You took everything from me! My
husband, my wedding, now the rest
of my life! Look at me!

She pauses to point to her face. Valerie holds her ground in

response to this mental breakdown. Emerson stands guard.
Without the pair noticing, Angelina’s hand inches towards one
of the BULL’S HORNS.
 108.

ANGELINA (CONT’D)
Everything I had is gone. You just
take and take and take and you can
never get enough! Why don’t I make
you pay the price?!

She climbs to her feet and SWINGS THE BRONZE BULL HORN AT
VALERIE’S CHEST! Emerson moves Valerie swiftly out of the
way. The horn makes impact with his shoulder. Not a fatal
wound, but a gnarly one.

Emerson looks down at his shoulder. He REMOVES THE HORN.

Valerie GASPS. Emerson quickly drops it to the ground and
SHOVES ANGELINA WITH ALL HIS MIGHT!

Angelina falls to the ground, unconscious. The fire consumes

even more of the clearing now.

VALERIE
C’mon! Emerson, Fletcher, we can’t
stay here!

She grabs Emerson’s hand and leads him to Fletcher. The pair
hoists Fletcher up and hurry out of the burning forest.

EXT. DENSE FOREST - CONTINUOUS

Emerson, Fletcher and Valerie run as fast as they. Fire

spreads quickly throughout the woods. They spot an end to the
greenery as they near a beach.

VALERIE
We’re close to the ocean!

They run to the end of the burning woods.

EXT. BEACH - CONTINUOUS

The trio stop to catch their breath by the water. Behind

them, the forest is engulfed in dense FLAMES. Emerson
clutches his bloody shoulder.

FLETCHER
(panting)
What now?

Valerie looks to the left of the beach. They’re at the dock

where the Ferry had initially dropped them off. But there are
no boats.
 109.

VALERIE
Fuck, fuck fuck. My family took all
of the boats when they evacuated.

Valerie looks back to Emerson and Fletcher, defeated.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
We have no way off this island.

She slumps down. Fletcher sits in the sand next to her.

FLETCHER
I really wish we had Dabriella
right now.

VALERIE
I’m sorry, who?

FLETCHER
It was my dab pen. I named it after
Emerson’s shitty mom.

VALERIE
I’d love to meet her someday. We
could compare shitty moms together.
(beat)
Too bad. I’ll probably never get
to.

The energy shifts to extreme somber. The ocean seems so

peaceful, but the flames reflect onto the water.

Emerson looks out into the vast water. A SMALL STAR rises
just above the horizon.

He steps closer to the ocean to get a better look. His feet

are submerged in the water now. The star grows BRIGHTER and
BRIGHTER.

EMERSON
That’s not a star, is it?

Valerie and Fletcher’s attention direct towards the bright

spot.

VALERIE
Oh my God, that kinda looks like-

Valerie is cut off by the sound of a BOAT HORN!

VALERIE (CONT’D)
We’re gonna live! We’re gonna live!
 110.

All three jump to their feet and FLAG DOWN the BOAT as it
moves closer and closer to the shore. It becomes clear that
the boat is from the NATIONAL GUARD.

As the boat docks, Valerie, Emerson and Fletcher run towards

signs of life. NATIONAL GUARD OFFICERS make their way off the
boat.

VALERIE (CONT’D)
Please, please save us! Take us off
this goddamn island!

OFFICER #1
Valerie Quinn? Right this way.

Valerie is guided towards the boat.

EMERSON
Thank God. We thought we had no
hope.

FLETCHER
I’ve never been more happy to see a
boat in my life. Well, it’s no
Royal Caribbean, but it’ll do.

OFFICER #1
Slow down there.

He gestures with his hand to stop. He pulls out a small

NOTEPAD and inspects it.

OFFICER #1 (CONT’D)
Emerson Turner and... Fletcher
Jenkins?

They nod.

OFFICER #1 (CONT’D)
You’re under arrest for crimes of
arson and vandalism on the Quinn’s
private island.

From the boat, Valerie turns around, bewildered.

VALERIE
Are you fucking kidding me? That’s
bullshit!

OFFICER #3 escorts Valerie inside the boat.

OFFICER #3
You’ll be safe from these criminals
now, Ms. Quinn.
 111.

VALERIE
No! This isn’t right! They didn’t
do anything!

She is shoved inside, SCREAMING.

EMERSON
Arson? What the hell are you
talking about?

The fire continues to overtake the majority of the woods

surrounding them. OFFICER #2 pulls out HANDCUFFS and
apprehends Fletcher.

OFFICER #1
The Quinn family provided us with
ample evidence concerning your
destruction tonight. Lighting the
woods on fire during the girl’s
wedding out of jealousy? We’ll see
how that holds up in court.

FLETCHER
Jail? I can’t go to fucking jail.
You have no idea what they’ll do to
an attractive guy like me in there.
(to Emerson)
I can’t go to jail. I can’t.

Fletcher begins freaking out.

EMERSON
We didn’t light the woods on fire!
The Quinn’s are psychopaths! They
were sacrificing people to the
devil and eating them!

Officer #1 sniffs the air.

OFFICER #1
Smells kinda like marijuana
psychosis to me.

Emerson gapes his mouth in frustration. Officer #2 finishes

cuffing Fletcher.

EMERSON
(to Fletcher)
So that’s it? The Quinn’s just get
away with everything they did and
we’re pinned with the crimes?

Officer #2 approaches him with a new pair of HANDCUFFS.

 112.

FLETCHER
I can’t go to jail. They’ll strip
me of everything I am!

EMERSON
Strip.

Emerson takes a moment. He gains an idea. Officer #2 CUFFS

one wrist.

EMERSON (CONT’D)
Fuck it.

Emerson takes off into the BURNING WOODS faster than he

escaped them before, handcuff trailing in the wind.

FLETCHER
Emerson! What are you doing!?

OFFICER #1
Get him!

The OFFICERS chase after him.

THROUGH THE BURNING WOODS--

Emerson heaves through the dense smoke. He pushes past trees

aimlessly. He passes the CLEARING, which is nothing but ash
now.

He continues on. Officers are hot on his trail.

EXT. ISLAND CENTER - CONTINUOUS

Huts are on fire. No life remains. Flames viciously destroy

everything in their path.

Emerson darts towards Hut #69. Fire just begins to spread

across the top. No time to spare.

Officers scour the area, searching for Emerson.

INT. HUT 69 - CONTINUOUS

MUFFLED BARKING can be heard. Emerson runs to the BATHROOM.

He quickly SCOOPS UP a shaking MR.TINKLE into his arms. He

GRABS the COMPUTER. He FUMBLES THROUGH his bag and finds a
FLASH DRIVE.

Quickly, he connects the drive to the computer. He dumps

every FILE from the camera onto the drive.
 113.

Officers BUST THE DOOR DOWN. Emerson EJECTS the drive and
puts it in his pocket.

OFFICER #2
Enough of the antics, cuff this
guy!

They violently bring Emerson to his knees and force his hands
into the cuffs. His shoulder is bleeding profusely now.

EMERSON
Just make sure Mr. Tinkle is
okay...

Emerson PASSES OUT!

FADE TO BLACK.

INT. DINGY LA APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

SUPER: 6 WEEKS LATER

Fletcher is parked in his usual spot, packing a BOWL in his

BONG. He appears to be alone. He smokes with a wistful look
in his eyes.

He grabs the REMOTE to the TV and turns it on.

ON TV:

It’s a news special concerning the Quinn Family. A pair of

female NEW ANCHORS are seated at a round table.

ANCHOR SHELLY
Now, this has become one of the
hottest stories to unravel this
year. Melanie, remind our viewers
of what really went down at Oasis
Island throughout its history.

ANCHOR MELANIE
Oasis Island had grown infamous in
its top secret qualities, but there
had never been reason for suspicion
up until recently. I mean, for all
we knew, it was just another
private island for the top %.

ANCHOR SHELLY
You’re tellin’ me!
 114.

ANCHOR MELANIE
Come to find out the Quinn’s had
been using that island to cover up
some deadly crimes. Ever since they
added the island to their assets,
every single wedding in the family
took place there. But these were no
normal weddings, Shelly. These
weddings were lethal. That’s right
folks, the Quinn’s we all knew and
witnessed in the public eye all
these years had been sacrificing
souls to the devil.

ANCHOR SHELLY
When we were first catching wind of
the story, we were all led to
believe what the Quinn’s were
telling us: all that had transpired
were acts of arson by two wedding
guests.

ANCHOR MELANIE
One of them was not just any
wedding guest. He ended up being
the videographer. And that’s where
the tables were turned. His footage
was actually recovered from the
island through wireless connection
straight from the camera itself.
Only a computer genius coulda
figured that out. But what ever
happened to the videographer?

CUT TO:

In the LIVING ROOM--

Fletcher is watching intently at the TV. FOOTSTEPS can be

heard in another room. Could it be...

EMERSON
Am I missing the special?

Emerson joins Fletcher on the couch, eyes on the screen.

VALERIE (O.S.)
You guys better have saved me
goddamn seat this time.

Valerie enters and squats next to Emerson. He throws his arm

around her, comfortably. Fletcher rolls his eyes. A COLLAR
JINGLES. Then, Mr. Tinkle comes bounding into the room.
Emerson picks her up and pets her on his lap.
 115.

ON TV:

ANCHOR SHELLY
His acts of bravery have been
recognized by the public all around
the globe. Emerson Turner has a
bright future ahead of him. He just
signed off with a major production
company to spearhead the production
of a limited documentary series on
the topic. He and Valerie Quinn,
one of Marisa’s daughters, seem to
have grown a bond through their
experiences together.

ANCHOR MELANIE
To my knowledge Valerie was working
against this sickening tradition
her family had been performing all
these years. Working with the
police, she has been recognized as
a hero as well. As for the rest of
the Quinn’s...

PICTURES FLASH--

- MUGSHOT of Marisa, she looks non-remorseful.

- MUGSHOT of David, regret in his eyes

- MUGSHOT of Shay, strung out and stressed.

- MUGSHOT of Bartholomew, uptight and eyes bulging.

- MUGSHOT of Guy, no light behind his stare.

- MUGSHOT of Todd, still has perfect skin and hair even in

prison.

- MUGSHOT of Angelina, her face has scarred beyond the point

of recognition.

ANCHOR MELANIE (CONT’D)

They’ll be locked away for good.
Well folks, more of the twisted
story will be rolling out and you
know who to come to for all of your
latest updates.

The TV CLICKS OFF.

CUT TO:

In the LIVING ROOM--

 116.

Valerie throws her hands in the air.

VALERIE
Fletcher! That was actually pretty
interesting! They were hyping us
up.

FLETCHER
We’ve got places to be.

EMERSON
Oh shit. The wedding.

EXT. GLAMOROUS ESTATE - DAY

The estate grounds are decked with wedding decorations. A

banner reads: CONGRATS PETER AND LUCY!

Emerson, Valerie and Fletcher sit next to each other near the
front pews. Fletcher passes DABRIELLA to Valerie. She PUFFS
it.

PRIEST
You may now kiss the bride.

Peter kisses his bride LUCY. The crowd CHEERS and WHOOPS, but
no one is louder than our trio. They SCREAM for joy like it’s
the best day of their lives, making fun of the whole process.

EXT. GLAMOROUS ESTATE - LATER

The WEDDING GUESTS enjoy CONVERSATIONS and HORS D’OUEVRES.

Emerson, Valerie and Fletcher finish up a CONVERSATION with a
few family friends. Gabriella whisks them away to herself.

GABRIELLA
Quite the famous trio, you guys
are.

FLETCHER
Everyone wants to get to know the
up-and-coming filmmaker and his
brave deeds on the murder island.

GABRIELLA
I know I had little faith in you
son, but I am proud of you. Mostly
for finally bringing a real plus
one.

FLETCHER
Watch it, Gam-Gam.
 117.

The teasing is a game they play.

GABRIELLA
And it’s so nice to finally meet
you in person, Valerie. Emerson
really has told me a lot about you.
In fact, when he told me he was
bringing you, I had the wedding
planner pick up an extra tray of
red velvet cupcakes for you.

At the APPETIZER TABLE is a TRAY of gorgeous decorated RED

CUPCAKES.

VALERIE
Oh ya know what? I actually hate
red velvet.

Gabriella gives Emerson a look of confusion. This isn’t what

you told me on the phone.

The camera pans out to the trio as they LAUGH and Fletcher
shovels THREE CUPCAKES in his mouth at once. Emerson and
Valerie KISS.

FADE TO BLACK.