A World Without Computer

With booming information technology, more and more people has begun to use computers;
thus they have become one of the most important parts of out lives. There are many advantages.
For instance, we can send and receive emails in seconds. We don’t need to go to the post office
and put the letter into the mailbox. Secondly, we can even make friends with those in different
places in the world. We are able to share the same hobbies and similar interests in chat rooms.
Third, we can get the news which occurs in other parts of the world very quickly. We don’t need to
buy newspapers to acquire the news.
Though computers have indeed brought us many benefits, there are many arguments against
the use of computers in modern life. Though some people say that computers make our lives more
convenient, others think that they are bad for our health and waste our time. Maybe it is because
we might not know the person chatting with us, thus, we are very vulnerable of being cheated by
our “online friends”. Furthermore, playing computer games for a long time may injure our vision and
our health. Compared to the world I am living now, I would definitely prefer a world without
computers.
修改後210字
A World Without Computer

With the booming information technology, more and more people begin to use computers.
Computers are becoming one of the most important part of out life. There are many advantages.
For instance, we can send and receive letters in seconds. We don’t need to go to post office and
throw the letter into the mailbox. Secondly, we even can make friends with those who are all over
the world. We are able to share the same habbies and similar interests in chatting rooms. Third, we
can get the news what happened in the world very quickly. We don’t need to go to a store in order
to buy the newspaper.
Though computers brings us many benefits, there are many arguments and against the use of
computers in nowadays life. Some people say that computers make our life more convenient, while
others think that they are bad for our health and haste our time. Maybe we don’t know each other
chatting with us so we are easy to be cheated by our online friends. Futhermore, playing computer
games especially for a long time and it may injury our vision and our healthy. Compared the world I
am living now, I would definitely prefer a world without computers.

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修改重點：

句型：

we are easy to be cheated by our online friends.

we are very vulnerable of being cheated by our “online friends”.

⼈人不能⽤用easy、difficult、hard、simple、possible等等，要⽤用虛主詞

it is possible for sb. to VR= sb. is likely to=sb. tends to VR

副詞的位置：

1. be動詞後
2. ⼀一般動詞前
3. 助動詞和原型中間 I can never do it.
4. 助動詞和分詞中間 I was always been accused by him./ He has always been a good student.

we even can make friends with those

we can even make friends with those who are

參照：⽂文法書 Units 106-107語詞順序、Unit 109 even

形容詞：

分詞當形容詞＝有著⋯⋯性質

e.g.

swimming pool=可以游泳的池⼦子

smoking room=可以吸菸的房間
或是正在做⋯⋯事情

e.g.

a crying baby

但是：
a bookstore
a chat room

拼字／單數複數：

habbies

Futhermore

one of the most important part of out life.｀

誤⽤用：

we can send and receive letters in seconds

we can send and receive emails in seconds.

throw the letter into the mailbox（丟進郵筒，類似丟垃圾的丟）

and put the letter into the mailbox.（放進郵筒）

with those who are all over the world.

all over the place (or map) informal everywhere: we've been all over the place looking
for you.

make friends with those in different places in the world.

there are many arguments and against（副詞） the use of
但是這邊是誤⽤用當成名詞 there are many arguments and (many) against

it may injury(名詞） our vision and our healthy（形容詞）

⽂文法：

we can get the news what happened in the world very quickly

what為無先⾏行詞的名詞⼦子句

這裏為形容詞⼦子句 應⽤用 which/that (看句型書 Unit 45 What)

贅句：
We don’t need to go to a store in order to buy the newspaper.
不需要 go to a store，因為那是想當然爾的事情

with those who are all over the world.

with those in different places in the world.

應⽤用分詞構句，省略who are (句型書Unit 84)

Maybe we don’t know each other chatting with us, (附屬⼦子句加逗點）so we are easy to be cheated
by our online friends

內容（5分） 組織（5分） ⽂文法（4分） 拼字（4分） 體例（2分） 總分（20分）

4 4 3 2.5（錯字太 2 15.5（15-18
多） 優）

評語：

此次內容流暢，結構⼤大致完整。唯⽂文法少數地⽅方使⽤用不佳、拼字要多注意，在⽂文字上要更精簡⼀一些。