Portfolio 7

Aleyna Uzunosmanoğlu
Prep 12
Grade: 23

Endless Life
I woke up to loud noise and powerful shaking of my bed. As in the last 20 years, I wake up
every morning with panic and I think I'm living in a dream. I turned to reality when my Nano
Pod said good morning and breakfast is ready. We were in the year 2175, the buzz of
teleportation cabins can be heard everywhere. I opened the window for some fresh air. My
potted flowers greeted the artificial sun's rays and smelled fantastic. As meteorologists
warned, there would be no meteor shower this evening, the weather was clear and starless.
With my Nano Pod calling out for the second time, I went to the kitchen. I preferred to have
my breakfast traditionally instead of taking it as a tablet. Sometimes it makes me feel more
alive to breathe the soft smell of milk coffee and taste the sweet chocolate of my croissant-
like in the old days.

The year is 2175 and thanks to our scientists, we are able to increase our life longevity and
quality by going through various procedures. For example, I am 147 years old but I just look
like I am 30 thanks to science. If we were living in the old world, it was not possible to live
this healthy and long. My life is in a rush and enjoyable than I expected. Because, I have the
chance to experience everything I want, whenever I want. I’ve been going around job to job
for the last hundred years. I’ve been trying to find a job that would fit me. I became a teacher,
doctor, engineer and author. I am a musician now and I am planning to do this job for 20
more years.

For my relationships, I had more friends than I can count. I got married ten times and ended
up divorcing every one of them. I’ve been single for a few decades and I am planning to stay
single for a long time. And then maybe I’ll marry an archaeologist. From all my marriages I
had 8 kids but they had large age gaps between them so they couldn’t create a good bond.
Because of that whenever we had dinner it was dead silent. It was unlike my old family from
my 20’s, it didn’t have that warmness that a happy family would have.
The life span increasing medicines intentionally or unintentionally got forced into our
lifestyles by the time when I became 27 years old. I was very young and beautiful and
thinking of not being able to accomplish everything I wanted to do because of old age was
scaring me. So I never hesitated the possibility that the medication would be forced on
everyone. But that wasn’t the same for my parents. For them living longer than the natural life
span would break the balance of mother nature. But I convinced them to take the medicine. I
was glad I wouldn’t see them pass away before me but they changed their mind right before
taking the medicine and passed away not too long after. Now I understand them.

As a result of living that much, of course, there are advantages and disadvantages to living
that long. Advantages are, you can experience many different relationships, you don’t have to
remain in your loveless marriage, you can reinvent yourself by changing careers and finding a
fresh challenge and you have more time than you needed with your loved ones and observe
the development of new generations. Disadvantages are, you always have large age gaps
between spouses, marriages can end up almost in every decade, problems with finding a job
due to the increase of retirement age, you have to deal with multiple ex-husbands and
stepchildren, and, like my children, there may be communication problems due to the age
difference.

In conclusion, considering all these, I respect my parents and give it right. Today most people
prefer to live long, but, there are some people like my family who do not. Now, my life is full
of sadness and joy in an endless cycle. Surely, I will pass away too.

Feedback:

 Strong introduction. You copied some ideas from the book but still have different
ideas and used a desriptive language refering to senses. That’s a strength.
 You used ideas from the readings in the unit, that’s another side making your writing
richer in terms of ideas.
 Your essay is strong in terms of ideas presented throughout the essay, it would be
stronger if you included some new an creative ideas apart from the ones presented in
the unit.
 The organization of the essay is quite effective. Ideas clearly stated most of the time.
  You should use a more descriptive language. You have a descriptive style in the first
(introdutory) paragraph which I can see that you were inspired by the book. If you
kept that descriptive style throughout the essay, that woul be perfect.
 You should use a more descriptive language as you are expected to describe the life
and create a vivid imagination in the readers mind.
 In terms of language and vocap use your writing is quite good, however you can use
more variety of covabulary.

Ideas Organization Word Choice Sentence Structure Mechanics Total

7 4 4,5 5,5 2 23