ASK THE STAGE DIRECTIONS TO TENNESEE WILLIAMS’ CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF

by

Stage Directions to Tennesee Williams’ Cat On a Hot Tin Roof

February 7, 2008 ∴ Issue 44∙ 06

Dear Stage Directions to Tenessee Williams’ Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,

Two years ago, my husband

and I decided our son should
take lessons.

We told him that if he didn’t like them

he could quit when he turned 13.

Well, his 13th birthday is coming up,

and I think he is leaning towards
quitting.

Should we force him to continue

despite our agreement?

— Perplexed in
Portsmouth
 PERPLEXED,
DEAR PERPLEXED,
DEAR
TOWARDS THE
TOWARDS THE
APRETTY
PRETTYYOUNG YOUNGWOMAN,
WOMAN,
AWikinews, “and when had literally just cut
I recently asked Tim up the onion and put it
Annotation: The Onion is an cent of its web site readers are newspaper layout and AP- Keck, who was one of on bread.” According
American “fake news” organi- between 18 and 44 years old style editorial voice. Much of the founders, he told to Editorial Manager

BATHROOM DOOR.
DOOR.
zation. It features satirical ar- per the 2008 media kit. its humor depends on present- me...literally that his Chet Clem, their food

ticles reporting on internation-
al, national, and local news
as well as an entertainment
newspaper and website known
as The A.V. Club. It claims a
national print circulation of
The Onion’s articles com-
ment on current events, both
real and imagined. It parodies
traditional newspaper features,
such as editorials, man-on-
the-street interviews, and stock
ing everyday events as news-
worthy items, and by playing
off of commonly used phrases,
as in the headline “Drugs Win
Drug War.”
A second part of the news-
BATHROOM
uncle said he should budget was so low
call it The Onion when when they started the
he saw him and Chris paper that they were
Johnson eating an down to white bread
onion sandwich. They and onions. Fictional
Max Cannon, Amie Barrodale, Maria Schneider, Robert Siegel duced by Will Graham and Ju- March 2007, The Onion

MARGARET,WITH
WITH
690,000[1] and says 61 per- quotes, as well as traditional paper is a non-satirical enter- Rich Dahm, Janet Ginsburg, and Jack Szwergold. The On- lie Smith and the Head Writer launched The Onion News
MARGARET, Tim Harrod, David Javerbaum, ion does not accept unsolicited is former Onion Editor Carol Network, a daily web video

(AS THE
THE CURTAIN
CURTAIN RISES
RISES ANXIOUSLINES
LINES
Ben Karlin, Peter Koechley, freelance contributions. The Kolb. broadcast that had been in

(AS ANXIOUS Carol Kolb, Tom Scharpling, Onion News Network is pro- Onion News Network: In production since sometime in

WHENSHE
SHETALKS,
TALKS,
History. tury. It was named

tainment section called The
A.V. Club that features inter-
views and reviews of various
newly-released media, and
other weekly features. The
print edition also contains res-
taurant reviews and previews
of upcoming live entertain-
ment specific to cities where
a print edition is published.
The online incarnation of The
A.V. Club has its own domain,
includes its own regular fea-
tures (including the syndicated
weekly sex advice column Sav-
age Love), A.V. Club blogs and
reader forums, and presents
itself as a separate entity from
WHEN
Officially, the paper the “Mercantile Onion”
THATEVOKES
EVOKESAASENSE
SENSE
purports to be over because those were THAT
250 years old, having the only two English directed by James sistant counsel to
originally published words the paper’s im- mid-2006 with a story broadcast. Carol Kolb, of the more success- Kleiner but still President George
in the mid 18th cen- migrant founder, Her- about an illegal im- former editor-in-chief ful produced-for-the- written by Hanson W. Bush, Grant
migrant taking an ex- of The Onion, is the Internet videos,” said and Siegel. Presi- M. Dixton, wrote a

INHER
HERFACE,
FACE,
ecutive’s $800,000 a ONN’s head writer. Mills. “If we’re not the dential Seal dis- cease-and-desist

SOMEONEIS
SOMEONE ISTAKING
TAKINGAA
The Onion itself. The Onion
was founded in 1988 and
originally published in Madi-
son, Wisconsin, by two juniors
at the University of Wisconsin-
Madison, Tim Keck and Chris-
colleagues the following year.
The Onion was at first only a
success in a limited number of
cities and towns, notably those
with major universities (e.g.
Madison, Milwaukee, Chicago,
IN
The original Onion mascot
was “Lucky,” the Onion chimp.
Lucky was discontinued early
on and is only remembered
by those who read the paper
before it went national. Origi-
year job for $600,000 In a Wikinews in- most successful, we’re pute: In September letter to The Onion,
man Ulysses Zwei- year-old son, T. Her- a year. The Onion has terview in November one of the most. It is 2005, the best as- asking the paper
bel, knew at the time. man Zweibel became reportedly invested 2007, Onion President a 24 hour news net-
(“Zwiebel” is German editor, a position he about $1 million in the Sean Mills said the work. We have a new
OFINNOCENCE,
INNOCENCE,BUT
BUT
for onion.) The news- supposedly holds to production and has ONN has been a huge show that is part of the OF
paper’s motto was “Tu this day despite be- hired 15 new staffers hit. “We get over a mil- platform, but we also to stop using the law governing the
Stultus Es”, or ‘You ing over a century to focus on the pro- lion downloads a week, have a Sunday morn- presidential seal, Presidential Seal
are stupid’ in Latin. old and largely senile. duction of this video which makes it one ing talk show that’s which is used in is contained in 18
In 1896 Zweibel’s 20- For much of the 20th an online seg- U.S.C. § 713. This

IT'SAS
ASIFIFTHE
THETONE
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OFHER
HER
topher Johnson; they sold it to Boulder, Champaign-Urbana). nally the entire bottom two ment poking fun section would

SHOWERIN
INTHE
THE THEDOOR
DOOROF OF ENTERSTHE
ENTERS THEBEDROOM
BEDROOM IT'S at the President seem to allow the

SHOWER THE
through parodies use of the presi-
century the paper was man Zweibel (Zwiebel called In The Know week called Today Now. new shows, show some of his weekly ra- dential seal by The

BATHROOM,
BATHROOM, WHICHISISHALF
WHICH HALF highly reactionary and is German for onion,
violently opposed ev- and also close to the
and we just launched a
morning show this last
It has been really excit-
ing; we’ll have some
archive footage and do
some more in sports
dio address. A

MASKSHER
HERTRUE
TRUE
Onion. However,

ery social reform the name Zweifel (Ger-

MASKS
VOICEHAS
HASTHE
THEINFLECTION
INFLECTION MOTIVATIONS.
inches of the paper proached by Comedy lustrate stories set news. The paper’s century brought for- man for ‘doubt’) a
could be cut off for
coupons to local
Central for a buyout
that would broaden
elsewhere. In April
2007, The Onion
founders went on to
become publishers
ward, from women’s
suffrage to married
family closely associ-
ated with the Madison VOICE MOTIVATIONS.
by Executive Order, enumerated the
Madison establish- the scope and reach launched ‘The On- of other alternative characters sleeping newspaper The Capi- over the next year.” and writer Todd Han- Created in 2003, Fox President Richard allowed uses of
ments such as vari- of The Onion’s brand ion News Network,’ weeklies: Keck of together in the same tal Times), who has Film: he Onion Movie son and directed by Searchlight Pictures Nixon specifically the Presidential
ous cheap student- of satire into other a web video send the Seattle weekly bed on television. “held the position since is a direct-to-video film music video directors was on board to release
centered eateries forms of media. In up of 24 hour TV The Stranger and Reporters and edi- 1901” and is rather in- written by then-Onion Tom Kuntz and Mike the movie, originally
SHESPEAKS.
SPEAKS.
and Four Star Video, early 2001 the com- tors: The Onion’s fic- sane; the real editor editor Robert Siegel Maguire. called The Untitled On- SHE
which provided the pany relocated its
OPEN.
OPEN.
tional editor is T. Her- is currently Scott Dik-

OFAABEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFULBIRD,
BIRD,
Seal which is more weapon you have

OF
Onion editors with offices to New York of an exceptions to. to fire... once.
videos in return. The City. Nevertheless, I respectfully dis-
ANDCROSSES
CROSSESSTAGE
STAGELEFT
LEFT
AALILTING
LILTINGCADENCE
CADENCE
creation of its web-
site in 1996 allowed
the paper continues
to make occasional
Johnson of Albu- paper The Onion.
querque’s Weekly “People always ask
AND agree. I prefer the

it to receive national Madison references, Alibi. Reportedly, questions about kers and the current ris, Chris Karwowski,
attention. In 2000 placing odd sto- it was Chris John- where the name writing staff compris- John Krewson, Chad ion Movie, but at some away from the project. After two years of be-
as the publication ries in surrounding son’s uncle, Wm. The Onion came es Mike DiCenzo, Me- Nackers, Joe Randaz- point in the process, di- In 2006, New Re- ing in limbo, the film
had broken through towns or running Nels Johnson, who from,” said Presi- gan Ganz, Joe Garden, zo and Seth Reiss. rectors Tom Kuntz and gency Productions took was released on DVD
to the mass market, photographs of lo- came up with the dent Sean Mills in Dan Guterman, Todd Past writers have in- Mike Maguire and writ- over the production of on June 3, 2008. It is
The Onion was ap- cal landmarks to il- idea to name the an interview with Hanson, John Har- cluded Mark Banker, er Robert Siegel walked the troubled project. now credited as being
 Dear Stage Directions to Tennesee Williams’ Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,

search.

of income is re ally lim it ing our

Apartment

hunt ing
d r a g g g g g .
M R . J

a re al

M y room at e and I are looking to

but one of them, lets c all him ...

doe sn’t m ake as much money

can be

His lack

of us.
as the rest
m o v e,
Annotation: Annapolis is
a city in the United
States with a popu
lation of 36, 408 (July
2006 est.). It is the capital of
the State of Maryland, as
well as the county seat of Anne
Arundel County. Situated at the mouth
of the Severn River which flows into the
Maybe it’s time Chesapeake Bay,
Baltimore and about
26 miles (42 km) south of
29 miles (47 km) east of
to part ways?
Washington D.C., it is part of the Baltimore-WashingtonMetropoli-
tan Area. The United States Naval Academy and St. John’s College are in
Annapolis. It was the site of the Annapolis peace conference in November 2007. Colonial &
early United States (1649–1808) A settlement named Providence was founded on the north
shore of the Severn River in 1649 by Puritan exiles from Virginia led by William Stone. The settlers moved to
a better-protected harbor on the south shore .The settlement on the south shore was initially named “Town at
Proctor’s,” then “Town at the Severn,” and later “Anne Arundel’s Towne” (after the wife of Lord Baltimore who died soon - Apartment Hunting in Annapolis
afterwards). The city became very wealthy through the slave trade. In 1694, soon after the overthrow of the Catholic government of
the lord proprietor, Sir Francis Nicholson moved the capital of the royal colony there and named the town Annapolis after Princess Anne,
soon to be the Queen of Great Britain; it was incorporated as a city in 1708. From the middle of the 18th century until the War of Independence Annapolis was noted for its wealthy and cultivated society. The Maryland Gazette, which
became an important weekly journal, was founded there by Jonas Green in 1745; in 1769 a theatre was opened; during this period also the commerce was considerable, but declined rapidly after Baltimore, with its deeper harbor, was
made a port of entry in 1780. Water trades such as oyster-packing, boatbuilding and sailmaking became the city’s chief industries. Currently, Annapolis is hometo a large number of recreational boats that have largely replaced the
seafood industry in the city. Annapolis became the temporary capital of the United States after the signing of the Treaty of Paris in 1783. Congress was in session in the state house here from November 26, 1783, to June 3, 1784,
and it was here on December 23, 1783, that General Washington resigned his commission as commander-in-chief of the Continental Army. In 1786, a convention, to which delegates from all the states of the Union were invited,
was called to meet in Annapolis to consider measures for the better regulation of commerce; but delegates came from only five states (New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, New Jersey, and Delaware), and the convention, known afterward as
the “Annapolis Convention”, without proceeding to the business for which it had met, passed a resolution calling for another convention to meet at Philadelphia in the following year to amend the Articles of Confederation. The
Philadelphia convention drafted and approved the Constitution of the United States, which is still in force. During this period, a Parole Camp was set up in Annapolis. As the war continued, the camp expanded to a larger location just
outside of the city. The area is still referred to as Parole. Wounded Union soldiers and Confederate prisoners were brought by sea to a major hospital in Annapolis. n 1900 Annapolis had a population of 8,585. To the north of the state
house is a monument to Thurgood Marshall, the first black justice of the US Supreme Court and formerly a Maryland lawyer who won many important civil rights cases. Close by are the state treasury building, erected. late in the
17th century for the House of Delegates; Saint Anne’s Protestant Episcopal church, in later colonial days a state church, a statue of Roger B. Taney (by W.H. Rinehart), and a statue of Baron Johann de Kalb. Annapolis has
many 18th century houses. The names of several of the streets—King George’s, Prince George’s, Hanover, and Duke of Gloucester, etc.—date from colonial days. The United States Naval Academy was founded here in 1845.
Annapolis is the seat of St. John’s College, a non-sectarian private college that was once supported by the state; it was opened in 1789 as the successor of King William’s School, which was founded by an act of the Maryland
legislature in 1696 and was opened in 1701. Its principal building, McDowell Hall, was originally to be the governor’s mansion; although £4000 was appropriated to build it in 1742, it was not completed until after the War of
Independence. From September 18 to 19, 2003, Hurricane Isabel created the largest storm surge known in Annapolis’s history, cresting at 7.58 feet (2.31 m). Much of downtown Annapolis was flooded and many businesses and homes in
outlying areas were damaged. The previous record was 6.35 feet (1.94 m) during a hurricane in 1933, and 5.5 feet (1.68 m) during Hurricane Hazel in 1954. Currently facing the many difficult challenges of American cities today,
Annapolis is undergoing rapid low-density development alongts edges, ever-increasing traffic congestion, as well as ecological destruction of the very bay that it depends upon. The 1998 Comprehensive Plan will soon be replaced with a
new document, containing initiatives and directives of the city government on development and infrastructure. This process was mandated by Maryland state law in the Economic Growth, Resource Protection, and Planning Act of 1992.
Annapolis Charter 300 and EnVISIONing Annapolis are co-sponsoring a public lecture series from September 2007 through June 2008 exploring these issues. From mid-2007 through December 2008 the city will celebrate the 300th
Anniversary of its 1708 Royal Charter, which established democratic self-governance. The many cultural events of this celebration will be organized by Annapolis Charter 300 and will include historical symposia at
St. John’s College and evening events such as the Queen Anne’s Ball. Facilities and Attractions: The State House. The Maryland State House is the oldest in continuous legislative use in the United States. Construction
started in 1772, and the Maryland legislature first met there in 1779. It is topped by the largest wooden dome built without nails in the nation. The Maryland state house housed the workings of the government from
November 26, 1783 to August 13, 1784, and the Treaty of Paris was ratified there on January 14, 1784, so Annapolis became the first peacetime capital of the US.. It was in the Maryland state house that George
Washington famously resigned his commission before the Continental Congress on December 23, 1783. According to some, George Washington, who had argued vigorously for Annapolis to become the permanent
home to the United States Capitol, had a strong attachment to the Maryland state house and instructed Pierre L’Enfant to model the dome of the Capitol building in Washington DC after it. However, as noted in the
United States Capitol topic, that building was not designed by Pierre L’Enfant, and no mention of this claim is found in a comprehensive history. Theatre Annapolis has a thriving community theatre scene which
includes two venues in the historic district. On East St. is Colonial Players, a company that produces approximately six shows a year on its small theatre-in-the-round stage. Colonial Players have ,for the past 28 years produced a musical
version of A Christmas Carol, which they commissioned. During the warmer months, Annapolis Summer Garden Theatre presents three shows on its stage, which is visible from the City Dock. All shows put on by King Williams Players, the
student theatre group at St. John’s College, are free and open to the public. Annapolis is also host to The Bay Theater Company, a non-profit professional drama group. The Naval Academy Masqueraders put on several productions
annually in Mahan Hall. Other. The Annapolis area was the home of a VLF-transmitter called NSS Annapolis, used by the United States Navy to communicate with its Atlantic submarine fleet. Climate: Annapolis lies within the humid
subtropical climate zone, with hot summers and cool winters. Low elevation and proximity to the Chesapeake Bay give the area more moderate temperatures, with warmer winter temperatures and cooler summer
temperatures than locations further inland, such as Washington, DC. n the city the population was spread out with 21.7% under the age of 18, 9.3% from 18 to 24, 33.4% from 25 to 44, 23.7% from 45 to 64,
 Dear Apartment 1 takes his crutch and hobbles
Hunting,
2 but knows her youth is
Brick, himself another drink.
Annotation: A brick is a block
of ceramic material used in
masonry construction, laid us-
ing mortar. Bricks are used for
1 building and pavement. 1

2 takes notice and yet at the

cool and crosses to the room’s oval m
Annotation: A relatively low
temperature.Cool (aesthetic),
an aesthetic of attitude, behav-
ior, comportment, appearance
and style. 1
1

2
only be given by a women
detached a quick look that conveys a
Annotation: A single-family
detached home, also variously
known as a single-detached
dwelling, is a free-standing
residential building. 1
1

2
look, the gravity of which
as ever anticipation, loneliness, dev
Annotation: Aš (German: Asch)
is a town in the Karlovy Vary
Region of the Czech Republic,
full of hills and rich grassy
1
1 fields of wonder.

2
and throughout the play.
s stage right to the liquor cabinet and begins fixing
fleeting, a glance so strong yet so weak that Brick
Maragaret, still sobbing from their previous argument,
same time doesn’t take notice, a look that could
mirror but not before briefly glancing at her husband,
who grew up poor, yet yearns to be wealthy, a brief
sense of confusion, certainty, sadness, happiness,
penetrates her character’s dialogue in this scene
votion, neediness, a look that suggests she is still young,
Brick remains aloof.
He is very handsome, and possibly a homosexual.)
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classmates, typically organized at or near their

milestone anniversary of their graduation. Pies. Pi.
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economic decline. Thatcher’s
political and economic phi-
losophy emphasised reduced
state intervention, free mar-
kets, and entrepreneurialism.
The new era of economic lib-
eralism transformed the UK
into a fast-growing economy.
Thatcher’s tenure as Prime
Minister was the longest since
that of Lord Salisbury and
was the longest continuous
period in office since Lord
Liverpool was Prime Minister
in the early 19th century.[1]
She was the first woman to
lead a major political party in
the UK, and the first of only
three women to have held
any of the four great offices of
state. Among other things, she
defiantly opposed the Soviet
Union, and her tough-talking
rhetoric gained her the nick-
name the “Iron Lady”.[1] She
currently has a life peerage as
Baroness Thatcher, of Kes-
teven in the County of Lin-
colnshire, which entitles her
to sit in the House of Lords.
Though an early backer of
decriminalisation of male ho-
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Annotation: Margaret Hilda
Thatcher, Baroness Thatcher
(born 13 October 1925) is a
British politician, who was
Prime Minister of the United
Kingdom from 1979 to 1990
and Leader of the Conserva-
tive Party from 1975 to 1990.
She is the first and only wom-
an to date to hold either post.
Born in Grantham in Lincoln-
shire, England, she went on to
read chemistry at Somerville
College, Oxford and to train
as a barrister. She was select-
Dear Sharing,
ed as Conservative candidate
for Finchley in 1958 and won
the seat in the general election
the following year. When Ed-
ward Heath formed a govern-
ment in 1970, he appointed
Thatcher as Secretary of State
for Education and Science. In
1974, she backed Sir Keith
Joseph in his bid to become
Conservative party leader, but
he was forced to drop out of
the election. Thatcher entered
the contest herself and became
leader of the Conservative
party in 1975. As the Con-
servative party maintained
leads in most polls, Thatcher
Xe`dXk\[#dfi\ went on to become Britain’s kf9i`Zb#Xe`dXk\[#
fm\i[iXdXk`Z Prime Minister in the 1979 fm\i[iXdXk`Z
General Election. Thatcher
became Prime Minister with
a mandate to reverse the UK’s
 Dear Stage Directions to Tennesee Williams’ Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,
Because of the stock ma
rket’s recent t
u
m
b
l
e,
I am in a financial rut.
Should I reinvest in mutual funds
or should I stay with my old stocks and wait it out
— Financially Fazed in Florida

?
Annotation: One of the world’s richest and most respected investors warned that the turmoil on Wall Street is ‘an economic Pearl Harbour’.Warren Buffett urged a divided U.S. Congress to quickly approve an ‘absolutely necessary’ $700 Billion ($700,000,000,000) rescue package to combat the crisis.
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(Curtain. End of Act II.)
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